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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 21 Mar 12 - 09:17 AM
Rapparee 20 Mar 12 - 08:44 PM
Little Hawk 20 Mar 12 - 06:30 PM
Amos 20 Mar 12 - 04:44 PM
Eiseley 20 Mar 12 - 01:28 PM
Acme 20 Mar 12 - 11:08 AM
Rapparee 20 Mar 12 - 10:55 AM
Acme 20 Mar 12 - 12:55 AM
GUEST,Guest from Sanity 19 Mar 12 - 08:56 PM
gnu 19 Mar 12 - 08:28 PM
Amos 19 Mar 12 - 07:49 PM
Rapparee 19 Mar 12 - 07:04 PM
gnu 19 Mar 12 - 03:58 PM
Rapparee 19 Mar 12 - 03:51 PM
gnu 19 Mar 12 - 02:42 PM
Amos 19 Mar 12 - 10:53 AM
Rapparee 19 Mar 12 - 10:07 AM
GUEST,Guest from Sanity 19 Mar 12 - 02:40 AM
Rapparee 18 Mar 12 - 06:51 PM
Amos 18 Mar 12 - 05:21 PM
Acme 18 Mar 12 - 04:36 PM
Rapparee 18 Mar 12 - 11:38 AM
Eiseley 18 Mar 12 - 10:45 AM
gnu 17 Mar 12 - 01:29 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 17 Mar 12 - 11:59 AM
Rapparee 17 Mar 12 - 10:06 AM
Rapparee 16 Mar 12 - 09:44 PM
gnu 16 Mar 12 - 09:29 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 16 Mar 12 - 09:24 PM
Amos 16 Mar 12 - 08:24 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 16 Mar 12 - 06:09 PM
Rapparee 16 Mar 12 - 05:08 PM
Amos 16 Mar 12 - 04:16 PM
gnu 16 Mar 12 - 03:52 PM
Acme 16 Mar 12 - 03:26 PM
Eiseley 16 Mar 12 - 12:52 PM
Amos 16 Mar 12 - 11:23 AM
Rapparee 16 Mar 12 - 10:44 AM
Acme 16 Mar 12 - 01:31 AM
Acme 15 Mar 12 - 11:28 PM
Rapparee 15 Mar 12 - 11:22 PM
gnu 15 Mar 12 - 02:30 PM
Amos 15 Mar 12 - 10:52 AM
Rapparee 14 Mar 12 - 11:22 PM
Acme 14 Mar 12 - 09:49 PM
Little Hawk 14 Mar 12 - 09:13 PM
gnu 14 Mar 12 - 07:01 PM
gnu 14 Mar 12 - 01:41 PM
gnu 14 Mar 12 - 01:02 PM
Little Hawk 14 Mar 12 - 11:35 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Mar 12 - 09:17 AM

This commemorates an event that happened to my nephew, John, some years ago. I thought it somehow fitting to bring it to your attention.


                        John's Deer


                It was mid-November of ninety-two --
                Deer season, opening day --
                John was sitting on a southern slope
                With Ralph fifty yards away.

                Ralph's my brother's oldest
                And John is squeezed between
                Ralph and niece Elizabeth --
                Someday John may be fourteen.

                Yes, Ralph's John's older brother.
                And I wasn't there to see
                When John dropped his first buck deer,
                But Ralph told it all to me.

                "Dawn broke nice and quiet
                It barely brushed the sky with pink
                We'd been on stand for half an hour
                Or thereabouts, I think.

                "Suddenly shots were all around!
                It sounded like a heckuva fight!
                But when I poked my head up I found
                They were fifty yards to the right.

                "Those shots just kept on coming
                But when I looked around I saw
                John putting shot after quickly aimed shot
                Downhill, into the draw!

                "And then he tossed away his weapon,
                And in the early morning light
                John lit the fuse and tossed downhill
                A stick of dynamite!

                "It exploded and I started toward him.
                He was yelling to beat the band!
                And then suddenly he jumped off of the ridge
                Clutching a knife in his right hand.         

                "When I got to the ridge I saw him
                Crouching in the blasted wood,
                Stabbing and cutting a little spike buck --
                John saw me, waved, and stood.

                "'I got him, Ralph!' he hollered,
                But I think he's still alive!'
                And over the cliff John tossed that very dead deer
                In a two hundred fifty foot dive.

                "When we finally got down to him
                That buck was as dead as dead could be.
                He carried a rack of two or three points,
                But John swore thirty-three!

                "To get that deer out of the creek
                Was a job and a half, I'd say!
                It took us all day and half the night
                And my back still aches today.

                "We stuck two four wheel drive pickups
                Broke a winch and an ATV.
                Finally Dad brought in a D-9 Cat
                And moved the hills away.
        
                "We had to build a road to that old deer
                We built three bridges and filled in two bogs,
                Leveled mountains and drilled four tunnels
                And lumbered out five thousand logs.

                "We butchered at last that old deer up
                (John wanted to mount the head)
                We got seven pounds of meat from it,
                And eighty pounds of lead."

                Now, I don't believe Ralph for a minute!
                He stretches the truth some, you know --
                'Cause I've seen John's venisonburger,
                And the bullet holes hardly show!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Mar 12 - 08:44 PM

Well, not exactly Shatner....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Mar 12 - 06:30 PM

Yes! Ihavemy...........standards. (sharp intake of breath!)

Andtheyare.....legendary. (calm look of innate superiority directed at present company)

For...aminor...considerrrr....ation (!)....I'llsharemyinsideinformation...witheeyou! (sharply raised eyebrow and significant glance)

Pretty good stuff, Stilly. ;-D But Kevin Pollack is still the best.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Mar 12 - 04:44 PM

Little Hawk would never stoop so low as he would have had to have done to fit into the front of that car with the other two large people. He has his standards, you know! :D

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 20 Mar 12 - 01:28 PM

Here is a link especially for Little Hawk. That isn't you in the video is it?

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Mar 12 - 11:08 AM

YouTube video shows the experiment.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Mar 12 - 10:55 AM

No, but it has possibilities, if true. Hmmmm...a blade fitted into a toothbrush handle.... But then, nobody says anything about a ballpoint or a pencil or a shoestring or a belt or a small Maglite or any one of a number of other things.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Mar 12 - 12:55 AM

Did you read that the TSA scanners can't catch metal objects if you have them directly at your side, like in a little pocket at your waist? A guy has been testing this - if you have it on your chest in a pocket, it can see it because it is a sold object against the light pattern of you as background, but if it is at your side (dark) then the dead air beside your soft body (also dark) and the metal object at the side of your body are indistinguishable.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 19 Mar 12 - 08:56 PM

Little Hawk, (Chongo included)..
You might want to check out, this post on another currently running thread.
I thought you'd appreciate it.
At this time, it is the last, (or near to the last post) on the tread.

RE: BS: How do you decide you can afford it?
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 19 Mar 12 - 08:46 PM

Anyway, enjoy it.
Sorry, I didn't want to get into details of politics and pollute this thread!

GfS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Mar 12 - 08:28 PM

I can get past security with a box cutter on accounta I don't look like a holy terror. Besides, my box cutter isn't a cavalry sabre. It's actually a small pair of nail clippers with the file removed. Now, I could have just used my fingernails.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 12 - 07:49 PM

What a HERO!!! Gawrsh!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 12 - 07:04 PM

Golly, they wouldn't even let me ON one of them things with a box cutter. Last time I was in that predicament I did the same thing but had to chew my way into the cockpit.

Tasted awful.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Mar 12 - 03:58 PM

I used my box cutter to get thru the cockpit door and managed to pull her up out of the spin. She's on auto pilot now and I am serving drinks and snacks, FREE! That was after we buzzed the attendents who were waving for a rescue in the bog country. I hope the yotes are full... for a day or two.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 12 - 03:51 PM

Well, actually you're trapped in an aeroplane which is spiraling earthwards, out of control, with no hope of stopping it and no parachute. The doors are sealed shut since the flight attendants parachuted a few minutes ago so you can't even get a drink before you reach terminal velocity and then a terminal cessation of the downwards motion.

Or you might be in New Brunswick, which is almost as bad.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Mar 12 - 02:42 PM

T, W, Th... 19,22,20C??? It's March! Where am I? Calleeforneeah?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 12 - 10:53 AM

Oh, shush, sir. My cover alone has cost the taxpayer $2.11 million, so pray do not blow it.

I am not sure what the white paper on scraping bugs off the windshield is supposed to help me understand, except that BS is truly omnipreent.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 12 - 10:07 AM

Fair morrow, Good Mother!! 'Tis a fine day for fishing, except for the cold and snow. Amos, of course, will kayak his way to work -- few know that he's actually a Marine Scout/Sniper and a Navy SEAL who works Black Ops for an Unnamed Government Agency which will deny his very existence if or when it is brought up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 19 Mar 12 - 02:40 AM

Just got back to 'Mudcat' after a bit of a 'respite'....Nice song, Little Hawk.....I'll post a comment on your 'Tube' site....That way Bobert and Firth can argue with me, there, too!

GfS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 12 - 06:51 PM

Look here if you really do wish to understand.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 12 - 05:21 PM

The problem with road-kill is it makes Rapparee's mouth water. Except for the little green splotches of leprechauns who had one too many Guinessi and got wiped out by eighteen wheelers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Mar 12 - 04:36 PM

Ah, road kill! The world at your bumper, for the naturalist who doesn't want to leave the car.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 12 - 11:38 AM

There might be rain in the valley but there's s*** up here on the hill.

We left SLC yesterday. Got the other two on a wagon heading East, loaded Olaf*, and hit the trail for home. Wasn't too bad -- the Shoshones and Bannacks are pretty much under control these days -- but as we started down Malad Summit we picked up a little rain. As we continued across Marsh Valley it got heavier and by the time we got to the Black Rock Canyon stage stop (near where the big robbery was a few years back) it had changed to s***. Well, we made it home anyway but now I gotta go out and lay in some supplies. They say the s*** will end tomorrow night but I ain't trustin' 'em.

Had to shoot two leprechauns on the way home; poor things were rabid with the hydrophoby. Buried 'em deep under a lot of rocks so the wolves an' coyotes can't get to 'em of course. The dead skunks are out in force all over the place, too. Cain't hardly go down the road without seeing several. Must be the time of year and they're out to breed, but I don't know iffen we need many more dead skunks.




*See "I sing of Olaf glad and big" by e.e. cummings.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 18 Mar 12 - 10:45 AM

Rise and shine, MOM. The leprechauns have scattered, and I just de-gnomed the garden, so you can come sit on the sun porch and sip some hot tea and watch the rain.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 17 Mar 12 - 01:29 PM

I bought two tickets to the St. Pat's supper at St. Bernard's church. Lots of corned beef and cabbage and Irish Stew and such followed by a concert with lots of local talent (last time I played it there was a BIG crowd... well big to me... over 500). Gave them to little old Mrs. Murphy down the street. One son is a little "off" and the other has cancer bad and I don't know her daughters. I hope she found someone to take her. She must have or I think she would given the tickets back to me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 17 Mar 12 - 11:59 AM

That ain't nothin' to the way I react to travellin' salesmen, specially them that are sellin' life insurance or vacumm cleaners. They are way more annoyin' than the religious types. I yell "Bundolo!" and wave the tommy gun in their face, and they are gone in a flash.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 12 - 10:06 AM

SURE AND BEGONIA!! 'Tis the day of the good Saint Patrick himself!! Happy St. Paddy's Day, Mom!!!!

And lay off the whisky, porter, and (YUCK!) green beer. And the cabbage -- you know what that does to your intestinal system.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Mar 12 - 09:44 PM

I was rooming with a good Lutheran fella from Nigeria. He and some of his friends were all dressed up in Nigerian clothing, getting ready to leave for a show-and-tell about Nigeria at a local Lutheran Church (Missouri Synod, not Evangelical). Some Jesus Freaks knocked at the door, and he stood there and very politely listened to them. Then he said, "Would you like to come in? We about to sacrifice a goat and since I listened to you I think that you should participate with us."

They left. Hurriedly. (He was a graduate of Oxford.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 Mar 12 - 09:29 PM

Them JWs DO ask for a donation. TEN CENTS for that there mag. I used to accept it and when they wanted TEN cents I would ask, "I thought you were here to save my Black Irish Catholic soul. Can't I have your "WORD" for free?" The answer was always an enthusiastic yes. I would say, "Good. I am almost out of asswipe."... and close the door.

I have mellowed over the years.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 16 Mar 12 - 09:24 PM

Listen, pal, if you think religion is about nothin' but havin' an "imaginary playmate", you are way stupider than I ever even imagined you was. Tell me it ain't so. I don't wanna walk around feelin' sorry for you every day.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Mar 12 - 08:24 PM

HEll, Chongo, you could tell them you're right in with almost all religions, being an imaginary playmate yourself!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 16 Mar 12 - 06:09 PM

Them JWs don't come to yer door askin' for donations. They come to talk about religion. All I usually have to do, though, is just open the door...and they are gone in seconds. I don't think they believe in bringin' any apes into their organization. Worse luck for them! If I get a chance, though, I ask 'em for a donation to the APP campaign fund.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Mar 12 - 05:08 PM

Well, it's got a whole Disney-world thing going now. Not at all like I remembered it from the 1990s (I specify because some might thing I was there with Robert L. Parker et al.).

I am alone. The others have left me in a search for shops. Shops relating the the "Q-word." They seem to thing that SLC might have a quilt shop, even though they should know better. Besides, we're in South Jordan and everyone knows that the only thing in South Jordan is Cabela's.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Mar 12 - 04:16 PM

Great strategy. Eiseley, I love that little house carved out of a cave. Visited it years back, before MOAB spawned the BS industry.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 Mar 12 - 03:52 PM

SRS... spring arrived here just minutes ago. I saw my first JW. The two young lads declined to donate to the IWK Children's Hospital in Halifax. I keep a riggin from the IWK by the front door. When the JWs or the Cancer Society or the Kidney Foundation or the... I ask them for a donation to the IWK before they can say a word. Most don't. I say, "Have a nice day." and shut the door.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Mar 12 - 03:26 PM

Hmmm. I kicked some religious sorts out of my garden today. They had the temerity to ring the bell, bible in hand. "Get Lost!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 16 Mar 12 - 12:52 PM

MOAB, Utah, is a fine place. I like the house hollowed out of a hillside about 2 miles outside of the town. It stays a constant temperature year round and was One Man's Dream. It ranks right up there with some of the odd, religious gardens scattered around the country here and there.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Mar 12 - 11:23 AM

Dedicated, unflagging orneriness is the price of eternal irritation. This is the creed of the House of Rapp.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Mar 12 - 10:44 AM

Okay, it's a large and it says "Kids Love Moab Too!" It's pink and blue and yellow and has biking teddy bears on it. I thought it looked kinda small for a large, but that's the size you wanted.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Mar 12 - 01:31 AM

It's so warm here today I needed to turn on the ceiling fan in here. I hope I don't have to reprogram the thermostat for the air conditioning too soon. I like to have a couple of months (usually March and October) when the heat or cooling isn't needed. Windows are open, but there are a gazillion mosquitoes and gallinippers (mosquito hawks - they don't bite, just flap around a lot) out there because of the rain a couple of weeks ago, and again last weekend.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Mar 12 - 11:28 PM

Grrrrrrrrr!

I'll assume you're yanking my chain. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Mar 12 - 11:22 PM

I'm leavin' MOAB (UT) tomorrow and headin' for South Jordan. Be home on Saturday evening.

Stilly, I got yer shirt. Like you said, 3XL and in a neat cammo pattern. It's a little 3-D, kinda like a ghillie suit, but you'll look like a tree with leaves blowin' in the wind.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 Mar 12 - 02:30 PM

SRS... I make a mean pizza too. Or, used to. McCain's make a frozen pizza called Parisienne that is delicious and sales for $4 (almost twice that not on sale). Cooks in about 20 min at a preheat of 400F. No muss, no fuss. Creamy, cheesey, shroomy, spinachy flavour and all natural (yeah, I know).

Mine is better but Mum can't eat the stuff I lay on it so cooking one for just little old me just ain't worth the bother and price.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Mar 12 - 10:52 AM

Young Rapparree to Utah's bound,
To tread the MOAB's holy ground--
The sacred font of all B.S.

The vortices that there abound
Can make an angel from a hound!
And may they Rapper bless.

But if he'll turn his damper down,
Or better stuff he'll now compound,
Is anybody's guess!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Mar 12 - 11:22 PM

Dear Sons and Daughters of Mom and Amos too:

I am in MOAB, the Holy Ground, the Sacred Mount, the Holy of Holies. I will be here tonight, tomorrow, and tomorrow night and then I will have to leave because the Utter Spirituality of being here will become too much for a simple mortal like myself, even if I did create everything and everyone.

Boy, I sure did a good job here! Except for the bikers, hikers, kayakers, rafters, campers, and touroids in general and yuppies in particular it would be perfect. There is even a brewery, a bookstore, and a quilt shop (not in the same place).

And I have a "wooden nickel" from said Brewery (called with great imagination "The Moab Brewery"). I think that I will convert it into a pendant and offer it to the person who make the best offer.

Your sib and Mom's Fave Rave,
Raparree


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Mar 12 - 09:49 PM

I make my own pizzas, so they're always perfect.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Mar 12 - 09:13 PM

Pizza is not food. It's entertainment. (Mind you, I have had pizza on rare occasions that was genuine food, but that's not the kind of pizza you generally get in North America.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 14 Mar 12 - 07:01 PM

5.5 hours later and I still feel uncomfortable. Pizza is not good for you, Mom.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 14 Mar 12 - 01:41 PM

Oh dear. An Xlarge is an 18"!. Not heavily laden with toppings but very tastey. And, it's a good thing I dropped another pound since yesterday because I just ate 3.5 slices less the crust egdes and half of one crust standing at the kitchen counter. Mom liked her slice. She's having a beer with it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 14 Mar 12 - 01:02 PM

$11.75 + tax = $13.28 all thru March so I am about to try an Xlarge with the works from Freddies Pizza. Wanna slice?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Mar 12 - 11:35 AM

You may have gotten a couple of the words slightly wrong. Mangani is a tricky dialect. Tone of voice and eye contact are essential factors in establishing correct communication. It helps if the eyes are extremely closeset.


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