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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 13 Nov 16 - 01:04 AM
gnu 12 Nov 16 - 04:21 PM
Rapparee 12 Nov 16 - 02:47 PM
gnu 12 Nov 16 - 01:16 PM
Rapparee 12 Nov 16 - 09:16 AM
gnu 12 Nov 16 - 08:51 AM
Amos 12 Nov 16 - 03:53 AM
Rapparee 11 Nov 16 - 10:28 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 11 Nov 16 - 10:01 PM
Rapparee 10 Nov 16 - 10:39 PM
Amos 10 Nov 16 - 09:28 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Nov 16 - 05:59 PM
Rapparee 10 Nov 16 - 04:41 PM
Donuel 10 Nov 16 - 01:53 PM
Amos 10 Nov 16 - 01:44 PM
Rapparee 10 Nov 16 - 11:28 AM
Amos 10 Nov 16 - 02:41 AM
Rapparee 09 Nov 16 - 09:50 PM
gnu 09 Nov 16 - 02:32 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 09 Nov 16 - 09:30 AM
gnu 09 Nov 16 - 08:17 AM
Acme 08 Nov 16 - 06:59 PM
Acme 08 Nov 16 - 11:57 AM
Rapparee 08 Nov 16 - 10:37 AM
Amos 07 Nov 16 - 11:43 PM
gnu 07 Nov 16 - 11:23 PM
Donuel 07 Nov 16 - 10:43 PM
Rapparee 07 Nov 16 - 09:20 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 Nov 16 - 04:52 PM
Rapparee 07 Nov 16 - 11:42 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Nov 16 - 11:59 PM
Amos 06 Nov 16 - 11:57 PM
Rapparee 06 Nov 16 - 11:06 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Nov 16 - 11:49 AM
Acme 06 Nov 16 - 10:21 AM
Rapparee 06 Nov 16 - 09:53 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 05 Nov 16 - 07:23 PM
Rapparee 05 Nov 16 - 06:59 PM
gnu 05 Nov 16 - 06:23 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 05 Nov 16 - 06:19 AM
Acme 05 Nov 16 - 12:58 AM
Rapparee 04 Nov 16 - 09:28 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 04 Nov 16 - 06:40 PM
Rapparee 04 Nov 16 - 06:38 PM
Acme 03 Nov 16 - 09:49 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 Nov 16 - 07:53 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 Nov 16 - 08:21 AM
Rapparee 03 Nov 16 - 08:20 AM
Amos 03 Nov 16 - 01:46 AM
Rapparee 02 Nov 16 - 08:54 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Nov 16 - 01:04 AM

The offer was accepted and suddenly there is a stream of objects disappearing into cardboard boxes, wrapped in bubblewrap and brown paper, stacking up in the garage. The traces of thirty years are slowly being erased from the house as we stage it for viewing by people thinking of their own futures here, rather than our long, intricate and storied pasts. It is the face of change, sturdy givens eroding and melting like a wax statue in sunlight; from which, a whole new chapter will be write and formed and built.

We live in interesting times this is a strange moment to move from a deeply blue state to one so tinged with pink. But, well, le coeur as ses raisons que la raison ne connait pas, I think it goes. When BBW called me from NC to report on this one house she was so exhilarated and excited by it she could hardly speak in coherent sentences; she declared herself non compos mentis temporarily, so rich was the impact.

And the last thing I would do is stand in the way of such a deluge of delight. I may be a little crazy, but I ain't stupid.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 Nov 16 - 04:21 PM

Spare parts too? What a bargain!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Nov 16 - 02:47 PM

Amos has just posted a picture of his new house in Nawth By God Carolina on Facebook.

I wonder if he knows that it used to be a funeral home that went bankrupt? Various unburied bodies were found there and the owners went to jail. The State thinks that they got all the bodies, but the paperwork was in such a sad state no one is really certain.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 Nov 16 - 01:16 PM

So, the rape charges were dropped a few days ago. The Trump University fraud charges may be negotiated or beaten if it does go to trial on Nov 28 but a stay could bi in the works because The Asshole... wait... the Donald... hmmm... same difference, really... is "busy" with other things or so say he lawyers. This appears almost hopeless. WHAT THE FUCK!? You had Bernie in the bag! He was 2:1 in the poles. The DNC fucked him over and the voters didn't like it. Fer fuck sake!

Right. I really have to get over this. I was barely over Mulcair getting fucked over and then this.

Did I mention I just bought a leaf blower that also sucks and mulches leaves? I really wanted a chainsaw so I could cut the maple down but Mum thinks the maple is pretty so I ain't gonna kill it until she leaves me. Pun intended.

Damn this spaghetti is good. I am a good cook. Well, I am a good heater. Catelli did the real cooking.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Nov 16 - 09:16 AM

The Truth and many other things, mon vieux, is often found between extremes. I doubted very much that you were buying a double wide when a simple trailer would suffice. I did believe that you'd want all of the "modcons" such as indoor plumbing, running hot and cold potable water, even that new-fangled electrical stuff.

Yes, you do collect a lot of stuff when you live somewhere for years. I have so much -- too much, I think sometimes -- but I have a hard time parting with (for instance) my late little brother's guitar even though I don't play guitar. He bought it new back in 1962, a Fender Stratocaster slab board sunburst, I think he said it was, and I'd give it to someone but he liked it and could play pretty well. Or my MIL's silver tea/coffee service -- it's plate, but my wife likes it. Like you, I remember simpler days but I'm not sure now I'd return to them even if I could. Older, hopefully but not necessarily wiser, I guess.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 Nov 16 - 08:51 AM

I toured Hillsborough yesterday. Looks nice. The Gold Park has a leash-free area for Maggie. The countryside looks pretty when covered in snow. Enjoy the adventure, A.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Nov 16 - 03:53 AM

Ah, noble Rapp! Good Rapp! Kind, tolerant, and dare I say it, wise Rapp. You have erred by going to extremes. The home on a lovely avenue in west Hillsborough is neither millions nor doughnuts, but -- as all virtue must be -- is found between the extremes. And bear in mind we are selling San Diego real estate in an excellent, desire location, a home fully modernized and equipped. So we will be making this remarkable, unnerving, quease-inducing transition without any grievous difficulty, financially. And the home in NC was built in 1859, cAnd fully modernized in the current decade.

But, my dear Gawd, the quiet long years in sunny Southern California have certainly resulted in a gawdawful accretion of sheer stuff. Wow. I think back on my single-suitcase and and overcoat years and shake my head in disbelief.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Nov 16 - 10:28 PM

"Look at that Jumbo Shrimp slide!"

"And the pitcher fans the Jumbo Shrimp!"

"In the standings, the Jumbo Shrimp have come up again."

"That's twice the Jumbo Shrimp have put their balls over the fence!"

"Boy, are the Jumbo Shrimp bad this year!"

Nah, doesn't work well. Jumbo shrimp should come with a cocktail sauce, not a baseball.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Nov 16 - 10:01 PM

I have yet to make up my mind which is the greater disaster: Donald Trump being elected US President or the name of my hometown's baseball team being changed to the Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp. Actually, I think it's the latter. There's always a possibility Trump could resign or be impeached, but the good people of Jacksonville are probably going to be stuck with the Jumbo Shrimp moniker for many years. Being a racist, xenophobic, misogynistic fascist is one thing. Being a featured item at a seafood market is yet another.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Nov 16 - 10:39 PM

...a beautiful home in Hillsborough,. built in 18459....

All the future conveniences?

Being naturally curious about what you may be getting yourself into, I looked up real estate there. Best I can figure you either have lots more money than I think (the one that just shy of $3 million) or that nice double wide with the two cars up on blocks in the front. If it's the first all of Mom's kids can come visit. If it's the second you should know that the sign "Trespasrs wil bee shote" as a few misspellings, as does the "Beewar off Doug" one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Nov 16 - 09:28 PM

That was foolish, Rapp. An army platoon sergeant is not going to get anything good for him from a reincarnated USMC DI. Omce you really really know you pass from lifetime to lifetime, no muscle-bound bag of decibels holds any threat.

The offer on a beautiful home in Hillsborough,. built in 18459, but completely modernized since, went in to night. Nail=biting has been planned.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Nov 16 - 05:59 PM

North Carolina -- where you can have it all!

Wrong! You can only have pythons, sink holes, and Zika virus in Florida.

And, by the way, Camp Lejeune is in North Carolina. Parris Island is in South Carolina.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Nov 16 - 04:41 PM

Ah, Amos? I really WAS a platoon sergeant.

NOW DROP AND GIVE ME FIFTY!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 10 Nov 16 - 01:53 PM

gnu, I call............ All In


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Nov 16 - 01:44 PM

You nailed it, Rapp. My previous life but one, I was a general named Vandergriff, and I started my careert as one nasty sonofabitch DI, as you can see here. I confess all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Nov 16 - 11:28 AM

Earthquakes to hurricanes, huh? No, wait! I just looked it up and you can too! You can have BOTH hurricanes and earthquakes! And floods, tornadoes, and snow! How exciting! North Carolina -- where you can have it all!

Hold on...there's a Marine recruiting depot in San Diego. Parris Island and Camp Lejeune are both in North Carolina. C'mon Amos, 'fess up! You're actually a Senior Drill Instructor in the Marines, aren't you? We won't hold it against you, so go ahead and admit it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Nov 16 - 02:41 AM

It is grim, embittering, and embarassing. And I will march on and do the best I can. I weary, though, of the deluge of illogic and mean-spirited anti-think crap that spews from the devout under the Orange One's flag.

In other news, we put an offer in on a new house today. In North Carolina. Where the folks are a little kinder and friendlier. Let me tell you, the Wobblies of Large and Imminent Change are skittering up and down my main brace tonight!

We shall see... Stay tuned to SNAFU-MOAB and SNAFU-MOAB F/M. DON'T touch that dial!! :D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Nov 16 - 09:50 PM

Gentlefolk! Let us settle this matter in the age old tradition of ladies and gentlemen!

Let's get drunk.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 Nov 16 - 02:32 PM

It's only starting to sink in for me. His position on just about everything has been appalling, nay, scary. And, what IF he gets impeached? The fuc... he is due in court next month on raping a teen. There's other stuff pending. Will the US have to pay Pence-ance? In ant case, hide your daughters.

BTW, BWL, I will see your shits and raise you fuckmes!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Nov 16 - 09:30 AM

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!

And also, shit!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 Nov 16 - 08:17 AM

The electorate has spoken... the bastards!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Nov 16 - 06:59 PM

MOM, I'm about ready to burst in anticipation of having an American president who looks like me. Smart and female. And someone who (metaphorically) kicked Trump in the balls. Heck with the size of his hands, those cojones are the size of bowling balls and they're about to shrivel to the size of raisins once the campaign is over and the testosterone drip is turned off. (This is so good I think I'll post it on facebook!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Nov 16 - 11:57 AM

For a while now my TwitterKeys memes have had some colored icons on the page.

In theory this should be yellow. For some reason they don't have a hand with the middle digit extended, but this will do for a test.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Nov 16 - 10:37 AM

I'm so very glad for you, Amos. Fortunately for me, I voted quite some weeks back for Kennedy and Hart.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Nov 16 - 11:43 PM

I'm a little sensitive about Orange right now, as I have been doing battle with @*$&^*$@_)(((*WE!@#%$^$$*** who keep insisting on comparing apples with The Orange One, who is a flaming disaster in a dumpster waiting to ignite the national balance sheet.

But aside from that, life is JUST ROSY!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 07 Nov 16 - 11:23 PM

Murcott Honey Tangerines. Nothing else compares.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 07 Nov 16 - 10:43 PM

The best orange in the world is a Florida #1 grade.
I adoreoranges.

Greening (an orange tree disease) and a new generation that does not make OJ from frozen concentrate are so threatening that future markets are betting against Florida oranges.

Beedub Please save the doorhinges.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Nov 16 - 09:20 PM

A great and good use for pythons!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Nov 16 - 04:52 PM

One of my organic gardening books says that a good way to see if a compost pile is heating up is to just plunge your arm into it and wiggle your hand around a bit. I tried it once and determined that the guy who wrote that book did not live in fire ant country. A mere alligator bite would have been much less painful than a hundred fire ant stings.

And no, we don't use pythons to squeeze California oranges. We only use California oranges for target practice. We use pythons to squeeze the necks of tourists who throw their McDonald's wrappers on the roadside.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Nov 16 - 11:42 AM

Bee-Dub, that's because in your area alligators live in compost heaps and doing so is a good way to lose your head over organic gardening. But I have a question: Is it true that Floridians use pythons to squeeze juice from their California oranges?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Nov 16 - 11:59 PM

I don't have a garbage disposal. I have a compost pile. I'm not sticking my head in it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Nov 16 - 11:57 PM

I just step ten feet back of my head and view it from there. No harder than trimming a Shetland or some such.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Nov 16 - 11:06 PM

I just stick my head in the garbage disposal. Does an okay job; besides, I can't see my head, front or back.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Nov 16 - 11:49 AM

Neatly grooming the back of one's head extremely difficult, even using two mirrors. It's much easier to have a significant other do the job. In fact, back-of-head grooming is the most compelling argument for being in a committed relationship.

Of course, one could bite the bullet and go to a barber. But most men reach a point where there's simply not enough hair left to justify the expense. A young adult has around 100,000 hairs on his head. I probably have a quarter of that. But the barber wants to charge me the same amount as a twenty year-old? No way! If I have 75% less hair, I should get a 75% discount!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Nov 16 - 10:21 AM

Lately I've seen several people who clearly did their hair grooming while looking in a mirror, but didn't use any reflective method to look at the back of their heads. The results are kind of sad, and I didn't have the heart to tell them, but probably should have.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Nov 16 - 09:53 AM

The corollary to the Second Law of Personal Grooming states that even if you have the equipment and ability to correct discovered problems with you in the car you will be forced to move before or in the middle of correcting the problem(s) and thus look half groomed or worse when you forget to complete the correction.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 Nov 16 - 07:23 PM

No matter how meticulously a man grooms his beard or mustache, trims his eyebrows, or shaves whatever part of his face is not hirsute, there will always be a few defects that can only be detected by glancing in a car's rear view mirror while stopped at a red light. The few whiskers that grow way up high on your cheekbone and are now a half-inch long. The two hairs that grow on the tip of your nose. They simply don't show up in bathroom mirrors. Only in cars.

And it doesn't apply to men only. That one hair that grows on a woman's chin and is now an inch long.... Same deal. It only shows up in a rear view mirror while stuck in traffic.

It's a law of nature on the order of The Third Law of Thermodynamics. In fact, it's The Second Law of Personal Grooming. The First Law of Personal Grooming is, of course, that a mustache trimmed at 22:30 will be lopsided. And The Third Law of Personal Grooming is that any defects discovered by glancing in a rear view mirror will be forgotten by the time one arrives home and, therefore, will not be corrected, only discovered anew the next time one is patiently waiting behind a stopped school bus.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Nov 16 - 06:59 PM

I never trim my mustache. Not do I "drive 'em in with hammer and bite them off inside." No, as a trumpeter I have excellent embouchre and breath control, so I simply inhale and then exhale forcefully. This blows all of the whiskers out of my face, but when doing so I must put a Kevlar bag over my head to prevent the surrounding area (a radius of a hundred meters or so) from being shattered by the force of my whiskers being expelled. For the mustache, I simply inhale or exhale to the extent appropriate for the desired length.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Nov 16 - 06:23 PM

NEVER trim your moustache at 22:30 on a Friday night on accounta that slipup is gonna show for near two weeks. Ya can't even smile crooked at people ta hide the bare spot. Hair, yeah. It's always good if yer buzz cuttin it. Twas a chilly morn on me head. Refreshing, actually.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 Nov 16 - 06:19 AM

No, I was not bitten by Mom for my previous post, but she did tinkle on my living room carpet. Mom gets a bit excited when she gets a chew stick. Or a Margarita.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Nov 16 - 12:58 AM

I'm certain she must have. Or swatted him around the head and shoulders.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Nov 16 - 09:28 PM

Ah sure hope she bit ya.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 Nov 16 - 06:40 PM

Up, Mom, up! Good Mom! Now sit! Shake hands! Roll over! Good Mom! Here's your chew stick!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Nov 16 - 06:38 PM

The Chicago River was dyed blue. "Cubs Blue" they called it. It's the first time the Chicago River has been blue since Fort Dearborn was established in 1803.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Nov 16 - 09:49 PM

I rarely watch sports, but that game last night was rivetting. And I had company - the esteemed Joe Clone was here and between us we figured out what most of the calls meant and the general rules of baseball. Watching the end of an extreme dry spell is satisfying. MOM was probably watching the game but didn't tell any of you about it. It explains that Mona Lisa smile on her face today.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Nov 16 - 07:53 PM

To continue the saga of the Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp baseball franchise.... There is apparently enough interest in this topic that if you begin typing "Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp" into Google's search field, you only get as far as, "jac" before "Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp" pops up as the #1 Google instant prediction. Go figure.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Nov 16 - 08:21 AM

I'm sure Mom will be pleased to learn of the Cubs victory. She had the best intentions of watching the game to its finish, but her one Margarita per inning viewing plan went a bit awry when the blender ran dry after eight innings and she started hitting the Cuervo bottle straight. By the time play resumed after that rain delay she was zonked out in the La-Z-Boy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Nov 16 - 08:20 AM

What is that all about? Is Amos taking another of his fits? Has he gone off his meds again? Mom told him what would happen! This time he's going to have to stay in The Hospital until he's officially released! It's the NYCFTTS for him again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Nov 16 - 01:46 AM

Wow! Wodda show. This has to have been the most dramatic butt-clencher of a baseball game since the Dodgers came from Brooklyn. Really!! Wodda show!! Wodda finish! My hat's off to the heroes on both sides.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Nov 16 - 08:54 PM

So. I protest. That is derogatory to shrimp, which are peaceful omnivores and do not engage in "games." Shrimp simply pursue their lives in a gentle manner a befits small critters.

RENAME THE JACKSONVILLE SHRIMP!!!

REMOVE THAT OFFENSIVE LOGO!!!


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