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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

GUEST,Chongo Chimp 08 Sep 11 - 03:29 PM
Acme 08 Sep 11 - 03:24 PM
gnu 08 Sep 11 - 03:20 PM
Amos 08 Sep 11 - 02:57 PM
Rapparee 08 Sep 11 - 02:54 PM
Rapparee 08 Sep 11 - 02:12 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 08 Sep 11 - 01:14 PM
Amos 08 Sep 11 - 10:52 AM
Rapparee 08 Sep 11 - 10:26 AM
Acme 08 Sep 11 - 09:25 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 08 Sep 11 - 01:20 AM
Acme 08 Sep 11 - 12:27 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 07 Sep 11 - 11:00 PM
Amos 07 Sep 11 - 10:52 PM
gnu 07 Sep 11 - 08:03 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 07 Sep 11 - 06:46 PM
Amos 07 Sep 11 - 06:44 PM
Rapparee 07 Sep 11 - 06:37 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 07 Sep 11 - 06:25 PM
Amos 07 Sep 11 - 04:28 PM
Rapparee 07 Sep 11 - 03:53 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 07 Sep 11 - 03:41 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 07 Sep 11 - 03:28 PM
Rapparee 07 Sep 11 - 03:26 PM
Eiseley 07 Sep 11 - 03:22 PM
Amos 07 Sep 11 - 03:08 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 07 Sep 11 - 02:37 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 07 Sep 11 - 02:29 PM
GUEST,Rapparee 07 Sep 11 - 12:38 PM
Amos 07 Sep 11 - 12:04 PM
Acme 07 Sep 11 - 10:25 AM
Amos 07 Sep 11 - 10:05 AM
Rapparee 07 Sep 11 - 09:46 AM
Rapparee 06 Sep 11 - 11:48 PM
Amos 06 Sep 11 - 10:28 PM
gnu 06 Sep 11 - 03:25 PM
Acme 06 Sep 11 - 02:36 PM
Amos 06 Sep 11 - 12:55 PM
Acme 06 Sep 11 - 12:05 PM
Amos 06 Sep 11 - 11:33 AM
Rapparee 06 Sep 11 - 09:40 AM
Amos 06 Sep 11 - 09:38 AM
Rapparee 05 Sep 11 - 11:09 PM
Acme 05 Sep 11 - 10:16 PM
Rapparee 05 Sep 11 - 10:07 PM
gnu 05 Sep 11 - 07:42 PM
Amos 05 Sep 11 - 07:24 PM
gnu 05 Sep 11 - 01:07 PM
Rapparee 05 Sep 11 - 12:55 PM
Amos 05 Sep 11 - 01:51 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 08 Sep 11 - 03:29 PM

"There ain't nothin' quite so peaceful as a corpse."

That is a great truth, Rap. It oughta be etched in gold on some marble monument somewhere, right under a black sillouette of a pair of crossed tommy guns.

gnu, LH says "Thanks for the good wishes."

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Sep 11 - 03:24 PM

Field of Honor? I don't think there is any moral high ground if these two were to duke it out. Know what I mean? The chimp is crazy and the man would be arrested by the ASPCA and charged with animal fighting.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 08 Sep 11 - 03:20 PM

Welcome back LH. Glad to see you posting.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Sep 11 - 02:57 PM

I know!! You should call him out to the FIeld of Honor!! Assuming you can find it, it would be a great PR victory, as he is certain not to show up!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Sep 11 - 02:54 PM

Yeah, that Chongo is great at blowin' smoke. When it comes to actually doin' somethin', well, he ain't home.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Sep 11 - 02:12 PM

Chongster, I don't let punks like you get that close. Them that try generally run into the end of either my .357 or a sawed-off 12 gauge double. Folks get real quiet either way, a real peaceful. There ain't nothin' quite so peaceful as a corpse.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 08 Sep 11 - 01:14 PM

I know what you are up to, Rap. Yer tryin' to get under my skin. Callin' me a "monkey". Droppin' specist innuendo.

It ain't gonna work, Roscoe. I blow off dummies like you without even blinkin' an eye. I just look at 'em quietly and blow a couple of smoke rings in their face. What happens then, usually, is they go away...if they're smart.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Sep 11 - 10:52 AM

And, recalling the timeless wisdom of the Great Rapp:

You can put a lot in a fedora.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Sep 11 - 10:26 AM

Well, yes. We all have a bit of smell, but what you're trying to say is "a bit of stink." Except that Chongo, when he puts on his fedora, covers his head with a LOT of stink...and other things too gross to discuss. Of course, like any monkey, he wants to keep his ammunition close to hand.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Sep 11 - 09:25 AM

I'm just repeating what MOM said. I don't have a problem with you, I have dogs around here. I'm used to a bit of a smell. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 08 Sep 11 - 01:20 AM

Uh-huh. Well, I am usually real polite and courteous to dames and other members of the female persuasion...

But I could make an exception in yer case, Stills. Know what I'm sayin'?

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Sep 11 - 12:27 AM

Whew! Smells like a rancid rag mop in here.

Was that stinky stupid simian here again? And you let him in? You KNOW what MOM said the last time he was hanging around. She was going to let him have it upside the head with a skillet (though she had her pressure cooker in her hand when she said it, and I got the impression she'd have enjoyed clobbering him with a cooker full of pot roast or something else equally hot and heavy!)

Better keep him out of sight if you know what's good for you.

Just sayin'.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 07 Sep 11 - 11:00 PM

He's been takin' a break, that's all, gnu. And believe me, he needed one.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Sep 11 - 10:52 PM

The Holy Daze is/are the chronic--not to say perpetual--state of affairs at Little Hawk's place.

Rapparee does not realize that what he has been investigating is the inside of a ten-year-old flash drive that is presently bouncing around on the floor of my glove compartment. C'est la vie.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 07 Sep 11 - 08:03 PM

Where ya been LH? Hollerdays?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 07 Sep 11 - 06:46 PM

"Qualified", you say?   Hell, he's overqualified.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Sep 11 - 06:44 PM

The Committee of First Knowers has determined that Rapparee's invention of an All-Creator is actually a secondary character, and therefore not itself eligible for the narcissism position previously advertised. However, they stress that Rapparree himself is of course eminently qualified.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Sep 11 - 06:37 PM

Yeah, you can hold a lot in a fedora. As for the "trading post" -- we know from your sister and mother what you were trading, and I've confirmed it with that dude in logging boots. I wanted to know, so I ask him and he told me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 07 Sep 11 - 06:25 PM

I got no objections at all to you undyin', Rap. Go right ahead and rejoin the Earthly choir. We'll all be glad to see you back ASAP. As regards yer hypothetical comments about makin' me mess my undies, I gotta tell you...it takes a helluva lot to make me mess my undies. It ain't happened in a very long time. Matter of fact, I'm not sure it happened even back then...cos I wasn't wearin' undies in the days before I took up that job at the White man's tradin' post back in the old country. I was a little bush ape back then, and bush apes don't wear any clothes at all. I may've had a couple accidents in them early days when I was just a little shaver, as they say, but I been practicin' strong intestinal fortitude ever since I took up fedoras and firearms.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Sep 11 - 04:28 PM

I do believe in the Rapparee fairy!! Golly gee, yes!! I do!
I do believe in the Rapparee fairy!! Golly gee, yes!! I do!
I do believe in the Rapparee fairy!! Golly gee, yes!! I do!
I do believe in the Rapparee fairy!! Golly gee, yes!! I do!
I do believe in the Rapparee fairy!! Golly gee, yes!! I do!
I do believe in the Rapparee fairy!! Golly gee, yes!! I do!
I do believe in the Rapparee fairy!! Golly gee, yes!! I do!
I do believe in the Rapparee fairy!! Golly gee, yes!! I do!
I do believe in the Rapparee fairy!! Golly gee, yes!! I do!
I do believe in the Rapparee fairy!! Golly gee, yes!! I do!
I do believe in the Rapparee fairy!! Golly gee, yes!! I do!
I do believe in the Rapparee fairy!! Golly gee, yes!! I do!
I do believe in the Rapparee fairy!! Golly gee, yes!! I do!
I do believe in the Rapparee fairy!! Golly gee, yes!! I do!
I do believe in the Rapparee fairy!! Golly gee, yes!! I do!
I do believe in the Rapparee fairy!! Golly gee, yes!! I do!

...Huh.... He'll be coming back to life any minute now, I yam sure.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Sep 11 - 03:53 PM

Chongo, it's, well, interesting. At the end of this tunnel of light is a guy who looks like a cross between Burl Ives and the guys in ZZ Top. He's wearing a dress that goes clear down to his ankles and he's wearing old-time calked logging boots. He told me that the whole of the "other side" is under repair and go "play with things" until I either undied or the repair work was done.

If you want me to undie, you have to close your eyes and wish real hard and say, "I do believe in fairies Rapparee" over and over and over and over for at least a whole day. If you don't want me to undie I'll make you mess your undies.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 07 Sep 11 - 03:41 PM

Seein' as I am a truly generous soul who likes helpin' the weak and doin' good in this world, I am gonna make some more FREE contributions here even if Amos don't see fit to hire me and put me on salary. That is the kind of guy I am, generous to a fault.

So, Rap, tell me...what is it like bein' on "the other side"? Is it as good as bein' here? Or is it even better? I been pretty close to death on a few occasions, so I have a natural curiosity about the subject. Have ya got to meet any other spirits of the departed and compare notes? Have ya come across anything that resembles either "heaven" or "hell" or did that turn out to be a bunch of hooey? If you do get to visit hell, there's most likely a gorilla there that I would like you to look up...his name is Vinnie "D". If ya find him, say you got a message from Chongo: "Hey, Vinnie? Remember me? I remember you. You are not missed, old pal, but you are remembered...kinda like a bad smell." Ook! Ook! ;-D

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 07 Sep 11 - 03:28 PM

So you are rejectin' my application, Amos? Fine. I been rejected before, I can take it, but I think you are makin' a big mistake, cos this place needs someone like me to reach its full potential.

So your loss, buster.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Sep 11 - 03:26 PM

No, it's not. I created all of you. Even though at the moment I'm dead I'm still in charge. Oh yeah, Amos -- you got some "interesting" P-N junctions in here and they're all full of byte dust. You should take the cover off and use a shop vac on this thing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 07 Sep 11 - 03:22 PM

My firstborn son used my own stampeding rhino against me, and two of my bellowing tangleworms! For a punishment I informed him that he will not be allowed to get his driver's license until he turns 16. That shut him up but good.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Sep 11 - 03:08 PM

Of course it is going too far for a three-foot tall simian. If you were a towering giraffe, you'd probably think it was just right. But you're not, see?

Anyway, I am sorry to tell you that the position is oinly open to first-order creators of narcissistic BS, and not their figments, spirit animals, angel guides, cartoon deities or any other secondary or tertiary order of entity.

Being as you were dreamed up, by yon what's his name, you are a second order entity. WHen you dream of Betty Grable shaking her garters at you, that dream-creature is a third-order entity. If you dreamed of her fantasizing about Erroll Flynn, that Flynn entity would be fourth-roder, and so on.

THere may be a zeroteth order--the one who dreamed up LH's person, in this example. But that is beyond the scope of this thread, believe it or not.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 07 Sep 11 - 02:37 PM

Say, Rap just sent me some of them links to the really naughty stuff on Amos's hard drive. This proves that you CAN communicate with the dead.

But.........YIKES!!! Talk about yer salacious and downright filthy websites. This stuff could curl yer hair and probably curdle milk too. Pretty shocking. I thought I had already seen everything, but it turns out I was wrong about that.

The stuff with the giraffes is goin' WAY too far in my opinion.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 07 Sep 11 - 02:29 PM

So, you are lookin' for (more) narcissists for yer Mother of All BS Threads, are you? Lemme see...

Yeah, I think I can qualify pretty good for this job. I got a good healthy ego and I ain't afraid to admit it. I have always felt pretty damn important in the bigger scheme of things and I don't see no good reason not to feel that way. But I ain't introverted. I hope that is not a problem! If it is, too bad, cos I expect to get this job anyways and I ain't takin' no for an answer, introverted or not!

"Egoism definitely helps."

Great. I got enough of that to satisfy the demand. And then some.

"Must have life-long preoccupation with own importance."

That goes without sayin'. I knew from Day 1 that I was the most important individual in the general vicinity, not to mention most outlyin' areas all around it...

"Skills in banter and blind-eyed rebuttal a strong plus."

Yeah, I think I can manage that just fine. Piece of cake.

So, what's the pay rate? When do I start?

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapparee
Date: 07 Sep 11 - 12:38 PM

Being still dead, I am writing this inside Amos' computer. Wow! you wouldn't BELIEVE the naughty stuff in here, and him an Apple user! But what I wanted to do was leave him a message about my plans for Getaway (assuming I become undead by then).

Fly to BWI on the 29th of Sept.
Overnight in a motel near the aerodrome.
Get picked up by Amos and driven to Getaway, perhaps stopping on the way to pick up some fruit juice.
Be dropped of at the motel on Sunday, Oct. 2.
Fly back on Oct. 3.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Sep 11 - 12:04 PM

HELP WANTED:
The Mother of All BS THreads is looking for a few good narcissists.
If you feel you qualify please apply at Mom's house.
Mere introversion is not sufficient.
Egoism definitely helps.
Must have life-long preoccupation with own importance.
Skills in banter and blind-eyed rebuttal a strong plus.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Sep 11 - 10:25 AM

Gnu, that last few days have actually been seasonally adjusted, and the last two mornings it actually got down to the high 50s - I wore a long-sleeved shirt (over my regular jeans and t-shirt, of course) when I walked the dogs in the morning. It has been wonderful!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Sep 11 - 10:05 AM

Mot responsible enough to send a simple PM about your own travel, though. Pity.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Sep 11 - 09:46 AM

I guess, Mom, that I'm the only responsible one around here anymore.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Sep 11 - 11:48 PM

What MOM taugh me:

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not
going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA .
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE .
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you !"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Sep 11 - 10:28 PM

We had rainstormd in the morning sndf s scorcher in the pm. Phew!!

Rapp!! PM me your travel schedule for Gitaway!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 06 Sep 11 - 03:25 PM

Rap... is LH there with you? He hasn't been posting lately.

SRS... you ain't gonna blieve this... wet, breezy and 15C here. Down to 9C tonight. Weird!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Sep 11 - 02:36 PM

That Agatha Christie Mallowan was one smart cookie!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Sep 11 - 12:55 PM

Every woman should marry an archaeologist because she grows increasingly attractive to him as she grows increasingly to resemble a ruin.

Agatha Christie


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Sep 11 - 12:05 PM

A heavily armed convoy from Libya. . .

Started an NPR news story just now. Sounded like a great first line for a limerick. Any takers?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Sep 11 - 11:33 AM

Ingo Swann already wrote that book, Rapp. Find and enjoy!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Sep 11 - 09:40 AM

It's a lot of fun being in here, pushing electrons around. AND I can zip over and mess with Amos' computer or anything else hooked up to the Internet, even wirelessly.

Too bad about your cell phones....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Sep 11 - 09:38 AM

IT was a dark and stormy knight that Arthur was trying to find to ask some question, the one who had traveled all the way from Czechlandia to be at the Round Table. Arthur wandered down to the knights' dressing room where half-a-dozen of them were sitting around half-dressed, and asked for the Czech.

Galahad pointed across the room--"THe Czech is in the mail", he explained.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Sep 11 - 11:09 PM

What!? You never heard of The Ghost In The Machine? Tsk, tsk.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Sep 11 - 10:16 PM

You gave yourself away, Rap. You have to stop typing if you're kaput.

What's all of this about a Czech?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Sep 11 - 10:07 PM

I'm dead. Sue my estate.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Sep 11 - 07:42 PM

It's only he who is getting carried away, no?

I'll miss him. As all will. He was a good sort. Sniff.

We'll soldier on. Be brave in his abscence I say. It's difficult, at best, but we must live on in his spirit for his sake and our own for we knew of him and were blessed by his far too brief presence among us mere mortals.

Rap, dear Rap, rest in peace.

PS... Did ya mail the fuckin CHEQUE?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Sep 11 - 07:24 PM

Sad is the fortune of creditors all
For though hold debtors completely in thrall
If the debtor he ups and breaks his old neck
The creditor never gets hold of a cheque!
And though some love their debtors, some simply abhor 'em.
It's a wonder they didn't go break their necks for 'em!

ANyway, I don't think Rapp wrote that blues line, or even regenerated it under his own handle, in any literal sense -- if he had not woken up this morning, he would nt have been able to log on, would he? Let's not get all carried away, here.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Sep 11 - 01:07 PM

My condolences. I hope you already mailed my cheque.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Sep 11 - 12:55 PM

Well, I didn't wake up this mornin'
'Cause I died in my sleep.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Sep 11 - 01:51 AM

Sleeping and a-dreaming
About places I would like to go
Climbing the highest mountain
And looking down on folks below
But how I know what I am lookin' at
Why, ain't nobody knows.
I might even be conscious
But ain't nobody knows....


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