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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Janie 08 Aug 10 - 11:02 PM
Rapparee 08 Aug 10 - 10:39 PM
Janie 08 Aug 10 - 10:28 PM
Amos 08 Aug 10 - 10:21 PM
Rapparee 08 Aug 10 - 08:56 PM
gnu 08 Aug 10 - 02:41 PM
Amos 08 Aug 10 - 02:20 PM
Little Hawk 08 Aug 10 - 02:05 PM
Rapparee 08 Aug 10 - 01:58 PM
gnu 08 Aug 10 - 01:50 PM
Rapparee 08 Aug 10 - 01:46 PM
Little Hawk 08 Aug 10 - 01:39 PM
Amos 08 Aug 10 - 01:36 PM
Acme 08 Aug 10 - 01:23 PM
Amos 08 Aug 10 - 01:18 PM
Amos 08 Aug 10 - 05:39 AM
Rapparee 08 Aug 10 - 12:26 AM
Little Hawk 07 Aug 10 - 11:45 PM
Amos 07 Aug 10 - 11:27 PM
Rapparee 07 Aug 10 - 10:11 PM
Little Hawk 07 Aug 10 - 08:36 PM
Amos 07 Aug 10 - 06:35 PM
Little Hawk 07 Aug 10 - 06:13 PM
Amos 07 Aug 10 - 04:15 PM
Little Hawk 07 Aug 10 - 04:07 PM
Rapparee 07 Aug 10 - 03:49 PM
Little Hawk 07 Aug 10 - 03:04 PM
Amos 07 Aug 10 - 02:39 PM
Little Hawk 07 Aug 10 - 02:18 PM
Amos 07 Aug 10 - 01:32 PM
Little Hawk 07 Aug 10 - 03:11 AM
Amos 06 Aug 10 - 11:50 PM
Rapparee 06 Aug 10 - 09:13 PM
Amos 06 Aug 10 - 09:03 PM
GUEST,Little Miss Echo 06 Aug 10 - 07:31 PM
Rapparee 06 Aug 10 - 06:26 PM
Amos 06 Aug 10 - 04:43 PM
Eiseley 06 Aug 10 - 04:41 PM
Little Hawk 06 Aug 10 - 04:36 PM
Amos 06 Aug 10 - 04:21 PM
Little Hawk 06 Aug 10 - 04:10 PM
Amos 06 Aug 10 - 03:41 PM
Rapparee 06 Aug 10 - 03:10 PM
Eiseley 06 Aug 10 - 12:45 PM
Amos 06 Aug 10 - 11:38 AM
Rapparee 06 Aug 10 - 10:42 AM
Acme 06 Aug 10 - 10:32 AM
Rapparee 05 Aug 10 - 11:53 PM
Acme 05 Aug 10 - 11:43 PM
Eiseley 05 Aug 10 - 11:32 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 08 Aug 10 - 11:02 PM

5. Roll of at least 3mil plastic
6. bit of sheet metal


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 10 - 10:39 PM

Do you know that if you microwave raw in-the-shell eggs they'll explode and make quite a mess?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 08 Aug 10 - 10:28 PM

1. Duct Tape
2. Tie-wire
3. Bic lighter
4. Swiss Army Knife


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 10 - 10:21 PM

See, Stilly, that's what I mean about the eggs....



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 10 - 08:56 PM

Oh how could Mother sink so low
When she has weathered every blow?
Tho' freds might come and freds might go
Mom had sunk so very low!
Down near the bottom she did go
Down amidst the piles of snow
Down where the drunks and Shame do go
So very, very, very low.

But then I came and rescued her!
Saved her from the slime and burr!
Put her on the swing with far
Enough iced tea and a candy bar
Back where she belongs is her,
Because one of her kids cared for her.

       --Aimee M. Simple, "Simple Delights for Simple Folks"
          (San Diego: Ano Press, 1849)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 08 Aug 10 - 02:41 PM

LH... great stuff! Thanks.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 10 - 02:20 PM

I like that idea but I don't take newspapers.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Aug 10 - 02:05 PM

Use the Bean painting technique


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 10 - 01:58 PM

Your buddy found your front window on the road the day you moved into your last house? And you saved it all this time! How thrifty!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 08 Aug 10 - 01:50 PM

Amos... I painted the place before I moved in 9 years ago... everything white semi-gloss kid's room paint. I have a pic on the living room wall facing the front window (my buddy found it on the road the day I moved into my last house) and a small pic of a ruffed grouse above the fireplace. Every five years, I "bee-mop" the works.

The white paint and lack of pics and such on the walls makes every room look bigger and brighter.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 10 - 01:46 PM

...the new pain will make it all look young again.

Will giving your house a pain pill help? I have some 500 mg hydrocodone I could send, if it's bad enough. But you might try acetaminophen or ibuprofen first. Or are you saying that new pain makes houses look young? I had shoulder surgery a year ago but I don't look any younger for it; of course, I'm not a house. Whenever I've painted them my houses have never seemed in pain, although I did get some stiff muscles and backaches myself.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Aug 10 - 01:39 PM

That sounds a lot like Shane's approach to bathing. And job-hunting.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 10 - 01:36 PM

I have spent two days taking down every painting, etching, screen, bulletin board, map, photograph and gew-gaw that hung on our walls, in preparation for painters. The garage is transformed into a swollen intestine full of odd boxes and wrapped frames. Soon we will have to disconnect all the computers and such and move things away from the walls. What a dispossession of spaces! But it will be worth it because the new pain will make it all look young again.

I never go in for facelifts personally, but I don't mind giving the house one every twenty years or so.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Aug 10 - 01:23 PM

It must not be very hot where the rest of you are. You have way too much energy for this time of year. Follow MOM's example and get yourselves each a cold glass of lemonade and go lounge on the porch swing in the shade. Just don't let the dog up on the swing with you or it'll make you sweat too much.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 10 - 01:18 PM

Oh what a source of ire and woe
When Mom's allowed to drift so low!
How callous are the indifferent souls
Who watch her fall into that hole!
The loud, the arrogant, the unwise
Deny the scales upon their eyes
And turn their faces, cold, away
So that they will not have to say,
I\'I watched tumble, saw her fall
And did not act, ignored her call,
And posted not! Oh, woe and fie,
SUch apathy I now decry!
And now dishonor I declaim
Upon those cold, or dead, or lame
Who will not raise her honored name
But let he drift to silent shame.

Doxy Proofwrinkle
First Voyeur
American Legion of Psychics and Seers
from The Twenty-third Annual Report, ALPS Publications
Okeefenokee, FL, 1911


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 10 - 05:39 AM

Oh, and you forgot t make us deluded, also...I think.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 10 - 12:26 AM

Amos, I will continue to permit you to bask in the reflections of the reflections of my glory. Anything more and you would wither like a styrofoam cup in the flame of a welding torch.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 11:45 PM

There's a lot to be said for insufferable narcissism, Amos. It has feuled many a great career...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 11:27 PM

Well, that one hell of a failed experiment, I'd say.

You forgot to make us all insufferable narcissists.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 10:11 PM

I passed whatever faults I may have had on to all of you when I created you so that you would appreciate my perfection more.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 08:36 PM

Most decent and kindly of you, my good sir.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 06:35 PM

Aw, I understand. Actually, installing your faults in others is very therapeutic, and it does no harm to them. It just makes them observable, a good thing.

Also I hope I was not one of the forces that undermined your pleasure in the forum, to which you are generally a highly valued contributor, as I think you know. Why, Guest from Sanity is absolutely in love with your depth and wit and your dry, aloof analytical turn of phrase.

Of course, here in Mom's house, it is understood that ll bets are off, but I thought I would try and make your re-entry into Mudcat society a bit less painful.....


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 06:13 PM

Well, it's a kind of bizarre ass-backward humour I like to engage in, Amos...particularly in your case. I enjoy accusing you of various flaws and weaknesses that are not yours at all, but in fact are mine. It appeals to my sense of the ridiculous to do that. ;-)

Hence, I will upbraid you for your laziness, your lack of discipline, and your sleeping in in the morning as if it was your problem and not mine. The sheer, blatant hypocrisy of me bugging you over such matters is what strikes me as funny. It's like Shane accusing you of drunkeness and lack of hygeine!

But, really...I haven't been up to much of anything for the last while. Seriously. I just decided not to post on Mudcat for awhile, that's all. I hit a stretch where I simply didn't want to. I wasn't enjoying it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 04:15 PM

Well, there, there, buddy. No-one can go up against the bragadoccio of Bookman. Although his sea-miles were probably passenger-mode. But that's not important.

You shouldn't go casting aspersions about discipline, you see?

The truth is you are every bit as big a man as Rapaire or me or anyone else, and you know that.

But what have you been doing?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 04:07 PM

Holy shit. This is like drowning in testosterone. I feel soooo terribly inadequate!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 03:49 PM

Number of years steadily employed? Since 1959: 51 then.

Number of years happily married? Since 06 October 1973.

Academic credits earned? 210 undergraduate hours, about 90 graduate, as well as certifications in various areas from various universities, etc.

Sea miles successfully transited? More than a few! And I'm talking blue water! I also have transited more than a few miles of inland waterways, including the Great Lakes and the St. Lawrence Seaway.

Shipboard fires extinguished? None, thank goodness. I not to let one start.

Underwater miles traverses successfully? Swimming or aboard an underwater craft? Does shipping on a ship but having the cabin belong the waterline count as above or under water?

Technical documents produced? Sorry, but I lost count a long time ago.
---------
Now, let's see:

Number of presidencies of national organizations held?

Number of time you were an invited speaker at a major European university?

Number of rounds fired in anger?

Number of rounds fired in practice?

Awards and decorations held (US or foreign)?

Number of bridges blown up?

Proficiency (scale of 0 to 10) with a) foil b) epee c) saber d) longsword e) quarterstaff f) rapier g) rapier and dagger or cloak h) a case of rapiers?

Typing or keyboarding speed?

Number of native Unix systems maintained?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 03:04 PM

Oh! I am crushed sir. Crushed. I shall crawl off to my corner and ponder my many shortcomings, having been totally chastened and discombobulated by your stilleto-like and incisive remarks which have laid my soul bare and reduced me to emotional penury.

My recent adventures? Naw....you wouldn't find them that interesting. Today, for example, I plan to mow the lawn.

See? ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 02:39 PM

Oh, you frivolous braggart!! Own up to your faults and flaws and make amends for your offenses against Our Mom, and then we'll see.

As for discipline, let me just cite a few comparable statistics between us, shall I?

Number of years steadily employed?

Number of years happily married?

Academic credits earned?

Sea miles successfully transited?

Shipboard fires extinguished?

Underwater miles traverses successfully?

Technical documents produced?

Well, enough. I think the issue of discipline and self-control is quite well documented.

But say, George, you know full well we have, in spite of our many bouts of banter, always considered you a friend, and hoped you reciprocated in that esteem. Wherefore then have you not shared your recent adventures? Enquiring minds and all that...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 02:18 PM

Ha! I knew you couldn't do it. ;-) I knew you'd wiggle out of it somehow. You just don't have the self-control to resist posting here for 24 hours, do you? You lack that kind of fiber, that kind of grit, that degree of character. It's okay, I understand. I'll let you off this time. I'm willing to make allowances for that sort of thing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 01:32 PM

LIttle Hawk:

There's a protocol to these things, see. For on thing, you may notice if you review it really really carefully, that my remark and offer was addressed to yon Rapaire, who has been constant throughout all the many vicissitudes through which we have striven together to bring our Mom successfully.

Meanwhile, you have gone off gallivanting, and have not even bothered to offer a description of your interim adventures and discoveries. Why, therefore should I offer you, in the face of such profound disrespect, a similar power? Do you take me for a purblind infant in such matters? For fie.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Aug 10 - 03:11 AM

Ah...what an opportunity!

Amos, I would like to take this occasion to ask you, very politely and with nothing but the greatest respect and admiration, to please cease your internet chatter and remain silent for the next 24 hours.

Please and thank you.

That should do it. ;-D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 11:50 PM

Jeeze, Rapaire, here I thunk you waz one of them Super Users (ain't saying of whut, but it can be super according to Bobert). Annyhoo, if yew can't get these guys to even change yore name for you maybe you better join Hairy Crutchrot down in Jalisco somewhere...

But I ain't trying to play hardball, amigo. Yew want me to shut up, all you gotta do is ask nicely and I will just be as silent as Chongo when Little hawk is being himself...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 09:13 PM

Well, Amos, just to shut you up I just now tried changing the spelling and login from "Rapaire" to "Rapparee" and the system threw up. The Mudcat Cafe will not permit me to change and I am absolutely certain that Mother MOAB wouldn't like it either. In fact, the error message was from Mom and said that the name she gave me was good enough all these years and should be good enough in the future. Unlike yourself, who am I to argue with Mother??


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 09:03 PM

Well, Rapaire, you have choies in all this. One, you could learn to spell Raparee, or even Rappereeeee.

Alternatively you could learn to accept with grace when someone bothers to create a beautiful work of literate art in your worthless name.

Third, you could insist on your misbegotten abuse of all rules of English pronunciation and go ahead and recite the poem using "Rapppparheeee!" at the end of each line. It would murder the aesthetics, but that should be no barrier to a man of your experience.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Little Miss Echo
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 07:31 PM

"What a waste of good dudgeon!! I swan."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 06:26 PM

To rhyme my nom du claviers with "there" is quite...quite...I just don't know. You've been told often enough in the past, and Mom is really quite put out with your obstinacy, so much so that I am to tell you that you will NOT have cookies and milk when you return home nor will you have dessert after supper AND that you should consider yourself lucky to get any supper at all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 04:43 PM

Certainly! For you, any time. It is very nice to see you back, all rested up and ready to stir the shit continue the dialogue.

If you're going to Vietnam let me know. I'd love to tag along now that we aren't killing people over there.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 04:41 PM

After all!

Mom's been slaving all day over a hot stove making Vietnamese food just for you and that's the thanks she gets! Really, Little Hawk, I'm surprised!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 04:36 PM

Well, I was thinking I'd really like to visit Vietnam next. They're communist too. ;-) And I love their cuisine and their general attitude. Anyway, thanks for getting vehement on my behalf.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 04:21 PM

You ingrate!! You useless jadrool!! You insensitive, wretched, misbegotten half-assed excuse for a psychic presence!! Do you have ANY idea how much sheer effort has gone into keeping Mom's place alive and interesting so that you would feel welcome and exhilarated whenever you made up you precious mind to come back from Cuba or whatever other commie nest you had gone gallivanting off to!!!??


Really, I am very glad you're back, but why don't you go back out and try that entrance again? Before Mom wakes up?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 04:10 PM

Why is it that no one of any real importance ever posts on this thread?

(Till now, I mean...)

Why am I even here? ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 03:41 PM

Well, I didn't think I was. I was just proud of how much inside dope you had!!

But unless your marriage plans have changed dramatically I see no grounds for Shivaree.

I suppose if you wanted to hunt down a used Corvair, you could, and maybe use its parts to perform the Shivaree, if you had to--they were loud knockers when aged, and if you take the fenders off and bang 'em together, and have someone do the same with the headlights while running the clunker at appropriate RPMs, and add a few nail holes in the muffler, why, you'd have one helluva Shivaree!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 03:10 PM

Ahmoss is just being difficult. As usual.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 12:45 PM

Here's the OCLC article.

Now I'm all confused. Do we arrange a Shivaree for Rapaire or find a used Corvair for Rapaire?

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 11:38 AM

When libraries went soft and scared
He was there!
When politicians took their shares,
He was there!
He knows how come the fiscal hurt,
He knows just who has lots of dirt,
He keeps the printouts in his yurt,
He was there,
He's Rapaire.

When politics went soft on crime,
He was there.
And forced staff into overtime,
He was there.
He knows how giant systems grew
And traded votes for what they knew,
And pulled the strings on you-know-who,
He was there!
He's Rapaire.

No slimy deal escaped his view
He was there!
No scurrilous deal for a buck or two,
He was there!
When budget cuts our woes defined,
And inside pockets were well-lined
With skimmed off payments, all refined
He was there!
He's Rapaire.

He knows the folks who cooked the books,
He was there!
He knows the good guys, and the crooks,
He was there!
He sees the slime behind each woe
That lays the laid off staffers low,
And no-one's quite as in the know!
He was there!
He's Rapaire!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 10:42 AM

Yeah, well, OCLC will probably do the usual and suck them up. They did it with so many others, and now they are FINALLY getting around to developing their SECOND ILS. In fact, the original, 1971, goals for OCLC was to help libraries save money by automating whatever could be automated. Then in 1976 the Ohioans governing OCLC passed a really rotten document allowing OCLC to "go national" and have the Board of Trustees appoint their own successors. Fred Kilgour said, "As long as I'm with OCLC Ohio has a friend" and then Fred left....

I know; I was there. The vote to "go national" in governance was nearly unanimous -- there were three nays and one abstention -- even with the flaws in the proposed by-laws.

Were OCLC a profit-making organization instead of a 501(c)3 it would be the largest library-oriented corporation in the world. It is now, but it's non-profit....

Want the dirt on the Seventies? There's a box in my house that contains materials OCLC tossed years and years ago; my wife was on the Board of Trustees and I was on the Ad Hoc Committee on Interlibrary Loan...among other things we did back then.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Aug 10 - 10:32 AM

Speaking of Giants getting squeezed, OCLC is fending off a lawsuit. I saw an announcement they sent out this week. They call the suit "frivolous" or some other equally dismissive term. I hope they're right.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 11:53 PM

Do you realize that that "giant" was my great-great Uncle George? And that the entire story is a parable about bad people killing good people (like Uncle George) by squeezing the Love out of their hearts? Ubi caritas, you know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 11:43 PM

WOW! I love those library tech stories. We have a couple of folks in my library who write programs that solve long-standing problems and it's like they worked miracles!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 11:32 PM

That reminds me of a fairy tale.

Hey MOM, today I did an SQL query and found a way to remove phantom holds from people's cards! I found some that had been there since 2003. I excused your fine, also. Did you realize you had checked in 36844 books, all one day late?

Eiseley


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