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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 23 Dec 08 - 02:00 AM
Amos 22 Dec 08 - 10:15 PM
Amos 22 Dec 08 - 08:32 PM
Little Hawk 22 Dec 08 - 08:18 PM
Amos 22 Dec 08 - 08:13 PM
Amos 22 Dec 08 - 07:38 PM
Acme 22 Dec 08 - 05:03 PM
Little Hawk 22 Dec 08 - 04:31 PM
Amos 22 Dec 08 - 04:16 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 22 Dec 08 - 03:31 PM
Amos 22 Dec 08 - 03:18 PM
Little Hawk 22 Dec 08 - 02:56 PM
GUEST,rapaire 22 Dec 08 - 02:53 PM
Amos 22 Dec 08 - 01:35 PM
Amos 22 Dec 08 - 12:50 PM
MMario 22 Dec 08 - 12:46 PM
Amos 22 Dec 08 - 12:16 PM
GUEST,Rapaire 22 Dec 08 - 11:50 AM
Acme 22 Dec 08 - 01:07 AM
Amos 21 Dec 08 - 10:58 PM
Little Hawk 21 Dec 08 - 09:36 PM
Amos 21 Dec 08 - 09:23 PM
Amos 21 Dec 08 - 09:13 PM
Little Hawk 21 Dec 08 - 08:38 PM
Amos 21 Dec 08 - 07:51 PM
Little Hawk 21 Dec 08 - 06:53 PM
Amos 21 Dec 08 - 05:52 PM
Acme 21 Dec 08 - 05:10 PM
Amos 21 Dec 08 - 03:28 PM
Little Hawk 21 Dec 08 - 01:33 PM
Acme 21 Dec 08 - 01:00 PM
Rapparee 21 Dec 08 - 08:16 AM
Amos 21 Dec 08 - 01:48 AM
Rapparee 20 Dec 08 - 08:59 PM
Rapparee 20 Dec 08 - 07:10 PM
Acme 20 Dec 08 - 05:59 PM
Rapparee 20 Dec 08 - 05:52 PM
Amos 20 Dec 08 - 04:15 PM
Rapparee 20 Dec 08 - 01:27 PM
Amos 20 Dec 08 - 01:23 PM
Rapparee 20 Dec 08 - 01:22 PM
Little Hawk 20 Dec 08 - 12:42 PM
Amos 20 Dec 08 - 12:41 PM
Rapparee 20 Dec 08 - 12:22 PM
Amos 20 Dec 08 - 12:10 PM
Rapparee 20 Dec 08 - 11:33 AM
GUEST,freds 20 Dec 08 - 11:29 AM
Amos 20 Dec 08 - 11:12 AM
Acme 20 Dec 08 - 10:37 AM
Rapparee 20 Dec 08 - 10:23 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Dec 08 - 02:00 AM

Don't get stuck in a snowdrift on yer way there, Amos. Or, if you do, dig around and see if Rap is buried in it also. We'll just shiver some down here with our frozen roads.

(Did you know that Google's spelling check lets "yer" through as a real word? But it won't accept "Google's?")


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 10:15 PM

Dear Mom I am traveling far over the pass,
To a land where the mountains are frozen like grass
Where the trees they are withered, and breath it is lost,
And the wild high plateaus die at night from the frost.\

I'll take my belongings, my wife and guitar
ANd trek o'er the high Eastern mountains so far,
Across the wild desert, leave El Centro behind
And cross the Colorado, Arizona in mind.

The to the high country like a shaft from a bow,
Through the cold desert night to the North I shall go,
Where the cool Verde Valley lies in sunset's cool glow
And the snowcaps of Flagstaff look down on below.

So fare thee well, Moab, and fare-thee-well friends,
All my BS companions, I from posting forfend
To the high desert prairies I travel away,
ANd I dare not malinger to hear what you say.

If e'er I return, it will be with a sigh,
ANd hopes you have managed to keep Mother high,
For sad it would be, to return from the sage,
And learn our poor Mother had fell from the page.

Pray keep her full stoked, with a good flow of air,
Keep Little Hawk real, and pray rescue Rapaire,
And when I return from my travels out yon,
Let me not find my old friends of MOAB are gone.

Yipppe Ki Yay, ki yoooooo.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 08:32 PM

Concatenacious? Music of the Spheres. Oh, Hawkster, alas, I was too soon given to hope on your poorb ehalf. I shake my head in sorrow.

But do not fear. For Mom loves ALL her children, and will be here for you if things start to fall apart.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 08:18 PM

Oh, Amos, Amos, Amos!!! I weep for you!! What concatenacious imperception of the truth!!! Here you were doing so well, too!!!

Shane EXISTS in the unseen fabric of the Cosmos, vibrating in the Music of the Spheres. He exists as an eternal archetype, out there somewhere in the universal matrix. If I had not brought him forth, someone else would have, because he IS real, and I know that. It is my finely attuned mental machinery combined with my evanescent spiritual powers which have made me AWARE of Shane's existence, every bit of which is God's own design and creation...not mine.

And why did God invent Shane? Well, it's a bit of a conundrum, but I suppose it was just "because". ;-) If it can be, then it is. And Shane can be, therefore, he is.

Even worse things can be! Just thinking about it keeps me awake some nights, knowing that they must all be out there somewhere in the Divine Potential ready to manifest at some unforseen eventuality, but I have chosen not to write about them. After all, in doing so I would be summoning them forth! It's an awesome responsibility. If Steven King had given that a bit more thought, he might not have inflicted so many of those creepy horror stories on the world.

When you realize this, you will be on the path to wellness.

LH.
Southern Ontario's Finest


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 08:13 PM

Ya know, I sweat and strain to bring up creative, original couplets for Mom's delectations. And all I get is abuse. Really, it makes me stat to wonder why I exert myself so. You think writing stuff like that is easy or something?????



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 07:38 PM

Oh, Hawk, Hawk!!! I weep for you!! What egregious recidivism!!! Here you were doing so well, too!!!

Shane EXISTS because of your mental machinery, every bit of which is your own design and creation.

When you realize this, you will be on the path to wellness.

A.
Southern California's Finest


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 05:03 PM

Rap is writing just like the Giant Squid in a couple of other threads. Looks like a meltdown up there in Idaho, or Indiana, or wherever he is.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 04:31 PM

Amos, I am not responsible for Shane's lack of erudition, his sexual conduct, or his other foibles.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 04:16 PM

Geez, LH, you should educate your imaginary playmates a little better, so they could at least tell the difference between kidnapping and lawful arrest. Rapaire has been abducted by terrorists. There's a big difference. Surelyt that's obvious, isn't it? .... Well, isn't it? .... Well?????


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 03:31 PM

GEEZ LOUEESE!!!   I flippin' got the news that Rapaire is been thrown flippin' in jail! Holy flip!

Well, I otta feel real sorry for him. But I don't. No flippin' way, eh? I am LAFFIN! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

It flippin' looks good on you, man. All Yer flippin' liesw and mizdeeds finally flippin' caugt up with you, eh? Awwwwwww...that is TOO bad, eh? Awwwwwwww....I almost got a tear in my eye jsut thinkin' about you there rottin' behind the prizon bars.

HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

I hope they never flippin' let you out, man. I will send you a card every Kristmas to remind you that I am out and you are IN...yuo looser!

Man, this is great. Party time, eh? Don says he thinks it is pretty funny too. We are gonna invite everyone we knows and have a big bash and all laff at you, man. Too bad you won't be there, eh? Don't worry, cos I will take care of all yer drinks myself.

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 03:18 PM

Rapaire:

Hang tough, Mom said she would go write a check.....



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 02:56 PM

This is really getting weird. I think Rapaire has morphed into Shane somehow or he thinks he has. His communications from the lockup sound very similar to Shane's anguished appeals for assistance.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,rapaire
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 02:53 PM

this is hard they broke 8 finger but i wouldnt tell them where amos is i haf to lev now and go back to the cell ples help me


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 01:35 PM

Oh, crumbs, how they fiddle, the fleet and the slow,
The fine-feathered friend, and the fat-fingered foe,
How slowly meander and lingering go,
As the follow the flow to the bottom!

How curly the queues and how clumsy the climb,
From desperate winter to calmer kind clime,
From fungible fingers all frozen in time,
Warm wishes to any who've got 'em!

In lingering longing, how far the delight
Of fire and friendly sun's beaming in light!
How deep are the drifts, and how cold is the night!
How wicked the winter wind blowing!

Up once again, Mother, in morning renew
The muttering muck-monsters are not for you!
Mad mingling in mud for our Mom will not Do!
Most upply you now must be going!

And randomly Up you will rocket and roll,
And richly remember the rhymes of the soul
For life is a rollercoast, ratcheting whole,
And a daunting redeemable dangle!

Fill fairly and fully your heart from the fire,
For fun-filled forevers with fine friends conspire!
Freak not for the freezing, the old or retired!
For now you may freely newfangle!

Whimbert the Undongleable
Cornea-on-Hole-Wheat, 1321


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 12:50 PM

I think he's been caulked to the gills--in fact, that may be the problem!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 12:46 PM

This time can we get him caulked properly before he starts to sink again?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 12:16 PM

Oh, dear. Rapaire is in trouble again. Tell Mom to call the family lawyer--we're going to have to bail him out again.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 11:50 AM

they are coming for me any minute i'm not supposed to be one this computer i got away for a min


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 01:07 AM

Is Winona headed to Canada?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 10:58 PM

I am going to breathe a sigh of relief, my fran', and celebrate your grip on reality. Skol!! Prosit!! L'Chaim!! May you find a loving companion to be your steadfast companion here on the mortal coil throughout your years.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 09:36 PM

I was aware of that at least a year ago.

So, what are you going to do now that self-awareness has dawned, Amos? ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 09:23 PM

MWahzahahaha!!! Now, I too have gained the Mark of the Beast!!

26766!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 09:13 PM

The fact that you are not following in the inaginary footsteps of an imaginary ne'er-do-well does not mean that your connection with the real world is particularly sound, monsieur!! Viva la difference!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 08:38 PM

Well, at least I'm not driving a (stolen) snowmobile around on thin ice...like Shane usually does every winter around this time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 07:51 PM

Hooboy, are you treading on thin ice, senor!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 06:53 PM

It's his persistent denial of the reality of Shane McBride that has brought him to this sorry pass. He's been insisting for a couple of years now that Shane is dead when the lad is 100% alive and in fine fettle, irritating local women, storeowners, and police officers in the Blind River and Sudbury area, and being a shiftless layabout in classic fashion. Rapaire has clearly lost touch with reality. It's sad. Maybe shock therapy would bring him around.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 05:52 PM

Ah, dear, who knows. In the classic tradition of post-MOAB obscurantism he has made only dark mutterings about being "away" leaving no there there for his friends to imagine him. I know he fights hard against his reputation as a Momma's boy and tries to act all strange and darkling, but sometimes he just takes it too far.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 05:10 PM

Where is he, anyway? And did Pat leave him alone to fend for himself? No wonder he's a mess.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 03:28 PM

Gawd, Rapaire, don't you know when to quit? You have been identified, called out, nailed, labeled and made, dude. We know you are pretending to torture yourself to try and get Mom to come up with ransom money so you can bilk her of her life savings and cut the sibs out of the will. Forget it, dude. The jig is up, so to speak. The cat's out of the bag. The bishop has left the church and Elvis has left the building. It's all over. Get a life, and a real job, why don't you?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 01:33 PM

"it's all Amos' fault that I will be a crippled wreck, my keen mind dulled to the level of a Southern Californian."

Ah. And here I was thinking that it was just the booze and your general state of denial... ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 01:00 PM

Handling pans isn't such a bad life, chef.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 08:16 AM

Well Mom, this will be the last you hear from me for a while. You take care and I'll try to be back soon. I can't say more, except that Amos didn't come up with the ransom like he told you he would.

But don't cry, dear Mother. Even though they shove burning splinters under my fingernails again, even though they chop off my fingers and toes joint by joint, even though they make me listen to "Muskrat Love" all day and all night, I will focus on you and I will pull through because what I learned at your knee has given me the strength to pull through because I know that it could be worse. And remember, it's all Amos' fault that I will be a crippled wreck, my keen mind dulled to the level of a Southern Californian. The next time you hear from me I'll probably be panhandling, if I survive at all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Dec 08 - 01:48 AM

That's right, leave ut the important details, Rapaire--like writing your own ransom note and using one of Mom's lace handkerchiefs to disguise your voice on the phone pretending to be one of your own kidnappers. But you know what gave it away? Including peanut-butter-and-broccoli sandwiches -- 100 of them -- in your ransom demands. It had to be you. And when it turned out you had been holing up at Saskatchewan Sukie's bordello waiting for the loot, Mom nearly cried, she was so disappointed in your behaviour.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Dec 08 - 08:59 PM

Well Mom, this will be the last you hear from me for a while. You take care and I'll try to be back soon. I can't say more, except that Amos didn't come up with the ransom like he told you he would.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Dec 08 - 07:10 PM

No, the Rockettes are women who work down in the Big Chief Copper Mine over near Onyx.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Dec 08 - 05:59 PM

I thought they were all high-kicking Rockettes: chorines. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Dec 08 - 05:52 PM

Well, they are hard to seat at the semiannual Christmas dinner because they bleach out the clothes of those around them. Assuming that clothing is being worn at the time, of course. If the Legion discriminated against those who were slightly different there wouldn't be any members at all.

On the other hand, there IS a certain "atmosphere" about them.....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Dec 08 - 04:15 PM

The chlorine ones are the ones who always end up in the swimming pool at parties, I suppose?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Dec 08 - 01:27 PM

No, I'm afraid not, Amos. But several of my friends up at the Legion Hovel are. Even more are alcohol-based life forms.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Dec 08 - 01:23 PM

The confession speaks loud in the observation. Rapaire IS a chlorine-based life form. How else would he know?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Dec 08 - 01:22 PM

I understand (how I shall not say) that freds are quite tasty when served with a good KC barbecue sauce to any chlorine-based life form.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Dec 08 - 12:42 PM

It's always better to ignore freds. Freds have never done or said anything worth paying any attention to. I have less respect for freds than I do for day-old pizza.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Dec 08 - 12:41 PM

Better to blame Marlowe on Shaxpere than on Rapeeaiyre.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Dec 08 - 12:22 PM

You know, sometimes it's better to ignore freds, especially when they claim Shakespeare wrote Marlowe.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Dec 08 - 12:10 PM

ANd I cannot but blame your leaving
On the coming, the coming of the Rhodes


(From an old Boer folksong recorded in a digger's camp on Witwaterstrand).


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Dec 08 - 11:33 AM

1. It used to be an island before the WPA filled in part of the water surrounding it. The name has simply continued, and soon Hawaii won't be an island either, but will be connected to Oregon.

2. It was founded by Cecil Rhode, one of Cecil Rhodes' grandfather, the other of whom was also named Cecil Rhode. When Cecil Rhodes' parent married they changed their last name to reflect the intersection of the Rhodes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 20 Dec 08 - 11:29 AM

Stilly River Sage you ask for us and we were outside your house contemplating DNA incorporation of your dogs but were afraid to proceed. We can quote Shakespeare even though sheithe is not incorporated. We tried but found itherhis DNA to be too old and dry. Here is some Shakespeare. We will split ourself to say the parts:

fred 1: Round about the cauldron go.
In the poisoned entrails throw.
Toad, that under cold stone
Days and nights has thiry-one
Sweltered venom sleeping got
Boil thou first i' the charmèd pot.
ALL: Double, double toil and trouble,
Fire burn and caldron bubble.

fred 2: Fillet of a fenny snake,
In the caldron boil and bake.
Eye of net and toe of frog,
Wool of bat and tongue of dog,
Adder's fork and blindworm's sting,
Lizard's leg and howlet's wing,
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Fire burn and caldron bubble.

All freds: Double, double toil and trouble,
Fire burn and caldron bubble.

fred 2: Scale of dragon, tooth of wolf,
Witches' mummy, maw and gulf
Of the ravined salt-sea shark,
Root of hemlock digged i' the dark,
Liver of blaspheming Jew,
Gall of goat and slips of yew
Slivered in the moon's eclipse,
Nose of Turk and Tatar's lips,
Finger of birth-strangled babe
Ditch-delivered by a drab,
Make the gruel thick and slab.
Add thereto a tiger's chaudron,
For the ingredients of our caldron.

All freds: Double, double toil and trouble,
Fire burn and caldron bubble.

fred 2: Cool it with a baboon's blood,
Then the charm is firm and good.

This is our favorite part of Shakespeare. It makes what you call a "good soup" if you use good DNA. Here is some more of our favorite Shakespeare:

I am Gluttony, my parents are al dead, and the diuel a peny they haue left me, but a bare pension, and that is 30. meales a day, and tenne beauers, a small triflle to suffice nature, O I come of a royall parentage, my grandfather was a gammon of bacon, my grandmother a
hogs head of Claret-wine:My godfathers were these, PeterPickle-herring,and Martin Martlemas-biefe, O but my godmother she was a iolly gentlewoman,and welbeloued in euery good towne and Citie, her name was mistresse Margery March-beere: now Faustus, thou hast heard all my Progeny, wilt thou bid me to supper?

So you see, freds can quote Shakespeare.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Dec 08 - 11:12 AM

Rhode Island is neither a Road nor an Island. Discuss!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Dec 08 - 10:37 AM

Little Hawk, the subjects you pick for discussion, they don't go together, despite the pundit's attempts. It's like hosting a ballet gala at the site of a train wreck. (Palin's soon-to be in-law was arrested on drug charges, scream yesterday's headlines. I didn't pursue the story).

Might as well ask the Freds to start reciting Shakespeare.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Dec 08 - 10:23 AM

Last night's party was great, Mom. We raised a few hundred dollars for the local Food Bank.


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