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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 10 Sep 08 - 10:40 PM
Acme 10 Sep 08 - 08:03 PM
Rapparee 10 Sep 08 - 06:33 PM
Amos 10 Sep 08 - 06:31 PM
Rapparee 10 Sep 08 - 04:13 PM
Amos 10 Sep 08 - 12:35 PM
Rapparee 10 Sep 08 - 12:17 PM
Amos 10 Sep 08 - 10:58 AM
Amos 10 Sep 08 - 10:13 AM
Rapparee 10 Sep 08 - 10:05 AM
Amos 10 Sep 08 - 12:35 AM
Acme 10 Sep 08 - 12:34 AM
Rapparee 09 Sep 08 - 11:00 PM
Acme 09 Sep 08 - 10:46 PM
Amos 09 Sep 08 - 10:44 PM
Rapparee 09 Sep 08 - 10:31 PM
Amos 09 Sep 08 - 10:25 PM
Rapparee 09 Sep 08 - 10:17 PM
Amos 09 Sep 08 - 08:11 PM
Rapparee 09 Sep 08 - 04:44 PM
Amos 09 Sep 08 - 04:02 PM
Amos 09 Sep 08 - 04:00 PM
Donuel 09 Sep 08 - 03:43 PM
Rapparee 09 Sep 08 - 03:38 PM
Donuel 09 Sep 08 - 03:21 PM
Donuel 09 Sep 08 - 03:20 PM
Donuel 09 Sep 08 - 03:19 PM
Rapparee 09 Sep 08 - 02:25 PM
Amos 09 Sep 08 - 09:35 AM
Rapparee 09 Sep 08 - 09:22 AM
Acme 08 Sep 08 - 11:47 PM
Amos 08 Sep 08 - 08:19 PM
GUEST,Rapaire 08 Sep 08 - 01:29 PM
Amos 08 Sep 08 - 11:59 AM
Acme 08 Sep 08 - 11:22 AM
Amos 08 Sep 08 - 11:13 AM
Amos 08 Sep 08 - 10:55 AM
MMario 08 Sep 08 - 10:28 AM
Amos 08 Sep 08 - 10:19 AM
Amos 07 Sep 08 - 11:08 PM
GUEST,Rapaire 07 Sep 08 - 09:57 PM
Amos 07 Sep 08 - 07:59 PM
Acme 07 Sep 08 - 05:54 PM
Amos 07 Sep 08 - 05:36 PM
GUEST,Rapaire 07 Sep 08 - 05:32 PM
Amos 07 Sep 08 - 12:18 AM
Acme 06 Sep 08 - 11:45 PM
Little Hawk 06 Sep 08 - 10:24 PM
Amos 06 Sep 08 - 09:54 PM
Little Hawk 06 Sep 08 - 09:00 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Sep 08 - 10:40 PM

Well, we might have been on the Oregon Coast, moving slowly south from Astoria to Depoe Bay before heading back.

Or then again maybe I really was kidnapped by the Bavarian Illiterati.

You decide.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Sep 08 - 08:03 PM

So where were you really, Rapaire? Did you get stuck in the bathroom down at the Legion Hovel and just don't want to admit that it took three days for the drunks to find you because they usually walk out the front door and pee around the corner in the alley?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Sep 08 - 06:33 PM

I'm sorry, but I'm still recovering from my abduction by the Bavarian Illiterati.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Sep 08 - 06:31 PM

I am sorry to see that your literacy is also suffering, but you can still have a nice retirement, if you don't do anything too challenging or anything that requires memory.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Sep 08 - 04:13 PM

"Bare", not "bear". Theatre has progressed since Shakespeare's day, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Sep 08 - 12:35 PM

...stage left, pursued by a bear.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Sep 08 - 12:17 PM

As it is written at the end of "Macbeth", "Hamlet", and other such plays, Exeunt omnes.

That's Latin for "We all gotta go sometime."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Sep 08 - 10:58 AM

Go to!!

No, I shall not go to. YOU go to!

No, YOU go to.

No, go to yourself!!

No way--you go to!!

Ain't a gonna. Go to you!

No, go to YOU!

No, YOU!!!

I'm tellllling.

Brat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Sep 08 - 10:13 AM

Well, you lifted it neatly, and then protest I failed to recognize you for it. And somehow, make me the villein? Pshaw. As for le brave de Bergerac, tu te trompes encore. Je peux le lire facilement, mais ca n'est pas le meme chose que comprendre lui qui l'a mis la-haut.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Sep 08 - 10:05 AM

What, sirrah?! You cannot read la belle langue as she is writ and must instead engage is crude insults? Go to, go to! You are a villein!

Not to recognize at first glance the opening sequence of Alexander Pope's Dunciad is all but unforgivable in someone of your claimed intelligence and literacy! I credited Rostand and assumed, wrongly, that you would recognize the immortal words of Pope.

подленький сноб!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Sep 08 - 12:35 AM

Wait. I defend Cyrano against your heartless borrowings of his name, and you imply this brings down the curtain of final darkness on all life? And then try to thrash me with the "This is not a nose, sir" dialogue in early French? What the hell?

I erred--it is not Republicanism which keeps you in the closet, sirrah.

You are a slumgullion, a ribald patty-shank, a miscreant of dreams, a babble-fish, an untoward galoot.

Go to.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Sep 08 - 12:34 AM

Cut and paste--this is a new fencing move, non?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Sep 08 - 11:00 PM

In vain, in vain - the all-composing hour
Resistless falls: The Muse obeys the power.
She comes! she comes! the sable throne behold
Of Night primeval, and of Chaos old!
Before her, Fancy's gilded clouds decay,
And all its varying rainbows die away.
Wit shoots in vain its momentary fires,
The meteor drops, and in a flash expires.
As one by one, at dread Medea's strain,
The sickening stars fade off th' ethereal plain;
As Argus' eyes by Hermes' wand oppressed,
Closed one by one to everlasting rest;
Thus at her felt approach, and secret might,
Art after Art goes out, and all is Night.
See skulking Truth to her old cavern fled,
Mountains of Casuistry heaped o'er her head!
Philosophy, that leaned on Heaven before,
Shrinks to her second cause, and is no more.
Physic of Metaphysic begs defence,
And Metaphysic calls for aid on Sense !
See Mystery to Mathematics fly!
In vain! they gaze, turn giddy, rave, and die.
Religion blushing veils her sacred fires,
And unawares Morality expires.
Nor public Flame, nor private , dares to shine;
Nor human Spark is left, nor Glimpse divine !
Lo! thy dread Empire, Chaos! is restored;
Light dies before thy uncreating word:
Thy hand, great Anarch! lets the curtain fall;
And universal Darkness buries All.


Amos could have said, as Rostand wrote,

Ah ! non ! c'est un peu court, jeune homme !
On pouvait dire... Oh ! Dieu !... bien des choses en somme...
En variant le ton, -par exemple, tenez
Agressif : "Moi, monsieur, si j'avais un tel nez,
Il faudrait sur-le-champs que je me l'amputasse !"
Amical : "Mais il doit tremper dans votre tasse
Pour boire, faites-vous fabriquer un hanap !"
Descriptif : "C'est un roc !... c'est un pic !... c'est un cap !
Que dis-je, c'est un cap ?... C'est une péninsule !"
Curieux : "De quoi sert cette oblongue capsule ?
D'écritoire, monsieur, ou de boîtes à ciseaux ?"
Gracieux : "Aimez-vous à ce point les oiseaux
Que paternellement vous vous préoccupâtes
De tendre ce perchoir à leurs petites pattes ?"
Truculent : "Ca, monsieur, lorsque vous pétunez,
La vapeur du tabac vous sort-elle du nez
Sans qu'un voisin ne crie au feu de cheminée ?"
Prévenant : "Gardez-vous, votre tête entraînée
Par ce poids, de tomber en avant sur le sol !"
Tendre : "Faites-lui faire un petit parasol
De peur que sa couleur au soleil ne se fane !"
Pédant : "L'animal seul, monsieur, qu'Aristophane
Appelle Hippocampelephantocamélos
Dut avoir sous le front tant de chair sur tant d'os !"
Cavalier : "Quoi, l'ami, ce croc est à la mode ?
Pour pendre son chapeau, c'est vraiment très commode !"
Emphatique : "Aucun vent ne peut, nez magistral,
T'enrhumer tout entier, excepté le mistral !"
Dramatique : "C'est la Mer Rouge quand il saigne !"
Admiratif : "Pour un parfumeur, quelle enseigne !"
Lyrique : "Est-ce une conque, êtes-vous un triton ?"
Naïf : "Ce monument, quand le visite-t-on ?"
Respectueux : "Souffrez, monsieur, qu'on vous salue,
C'est là ce qui s'appelle avoir pignon sur rue !"
Campagnard : "Hé, ardé ! C'est-y un nez ? Nanain !
C'est queuqu'navet géant ou ben queuqu'melon nain !"
Militaire : "Pointez contre cavalerie !"
Pratique : "Voulez-vous le mettre en loterie ?
Assurément, monsieur, ce sera le gros lot !"
Enfin parodiant Pyrame en un sanglot
"Le voilà donc ce nez qui des traits de son maître
A détruit l'harmonie ! Il en rougit, le traître !"
-Voilà ce qu'à peu près, mon cher, vous m'auriez dit
Si vous aviez un peu de lettres et d'esprit
Mais d'esprit, ô le plus lamentable des êtres,
Vous n'en eûtes jamais un atome, et de lettres
Vous n'avez que les trois qui forment le mot : sot !
Eussiez-vous eu, d'ailleurs, l'invention qu'il faut
Pour pouvoir là, devant ces nobles galeries,
Me servir toutes ces folles plaisanteries,
Que vous n'en eussiez pas articulé le quart
De la moitié du commencement d'une, car
Je me les sers moi-même, avec assez de verve,
Mais je ne permets pas qu'un autre me les serve.


But no, the dread Empire is restored....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Sep 08 - 10:46 PM

I think he'd be kinda cute. Just don't hit the kayak.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Sep 08 - 10:44 PM

It ccould go worse with you sir, than with me; for he hates plagiarists with the fire of hell in his belly, and would as soon send you to your maker as hear you claim him as the maker of your limping couplets.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Sep 08 - 10:31 PM

I think, Amos, that you should rejoice that Hector Savinien de Cyrano de Bergerac has been dead since July 28, 1655, for his rapier was sharper than either his wit or his nose. I confess that I would hate to see you spitted upon a meter or more of cold steel, or simply embarrassed by having your belt or braces cut away and you left standing in your polka-dotted boxers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Sep 08 - 10:25 PM

WHy don't you just feast on your nose, sirrah?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Sep 08 - 10:17 PM

Tomorrow eve I could go and fence
But I think I'll go shopping instead;
For without some food to fuel the bod
I could easily wind up dead.

         --Cyrano de Bergerac, Collected Poems
          (Carcossone: La Presse d'Epee, 1678).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Sep 08 - 08:11 PM

ANother swing from the brassy ring,
A flitting turn of the blade,
Another leap to the top of the wall,
And one more prayer softly said,

Then the guards turn pale and thieir startled wail
Rings out on the midnight chime
And they see our Mom rise up like a psalm
Offered God at the vespers' time.

And up she drifts, like a whisp of truth
RIsing higher, above the crowd,
And the soothing chime of her passing up
Brings peace to the angry and loud.

Once again her place is replete with grace
Rising up to the highest line;.
And we smile with pride, because deep inside
We know it is MOAB time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Sep 08 - 04:44 PM

We (the Supervisors and I) are a-headin' out to the shootin' range on Friday mornin'. Gonna practice up for the Election. Cain't have them politicians feelin' missed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Sep 08 - 04:02 PM

DONUEL!! That was BEAUTIFUL!~!!


Thanks for the link, and the work.



You da man!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Sep 08 - 04:00 PM

Sigh. Oh, ye of little virtue.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 09 Sep 08 - 03:43 PM

Republicans are most diverse

even the base is a spectrum

The wierdest one to me is the Sam's Club Republican who is against communism and abortion but worship the savings at Walmart.

A gold dubloon to whoever can lost them all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Sep 08 - 03:38 PM

Amos is a Closet Republican because:

*he kayaks on the ocean, and Bush I was in the Navy;
*he flies in airplanes, and Bush II was some sort of pilot;
*he's married, and so is my Republican brother;
*he would make you think he's for Obama, just like Sarah Palin;
*he plays guitar, just like Wayne LaPierre;
*he lives in California, just like Nixon and Reagan

and I'm sure you can find many other proofs.

Oh, he'll try to deny it. But the proof is there!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 09 Sep 08 - 03:21 PM

last try http://usera.imagecave.com/donuel/kayak.jpg


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 09 Sep 08 - 03:20 PM

oops

http://usera.imagecave.com/donuel/kayak.jpg ">a href="http://usera.imagecave.com/donuel/kayak.jpg">http://usera.imagecave.com/donuel/kayak.jpg


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 09 Sep 08 - 03:19 PM

a kayak trip
a href="http://usera.imagecave.com/donuel/kayak.jpg">http://usera.imagecave.com/donuel/kayak.jpg


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Sep 08 - 02:25 PM

All of MY double entendres I usually have with cream and maybe a scone on the side, except now they're getting too expensive so I'm switching to latte (which is French for "overpriced cuppa coffee").


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Sep 08 - 09:35 AM

All my flagrant double entendres are ars gratis artis, and fully intended, yes.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Sep 08 - 09:22 AM

Now it can be told.

I was walking along the street on my way to the soda shop when a black car pulled up. Four men, all dressed in black and wearing those reflective sunglasses seized me and before I knew it I had been handcuffed, gagged, and was on my way to who knew where!

Oh, I had a pretty good idea who they were. Thugs, thugs working for the BI -- the international secret society that tries to control the world, most recently with inane TV game and reality shows: the Bavarian Illiterati.

We drove for quite some time and finally, at an undisclosed location, I was unceremoniously tossed into a black "stealth" helicopter and flown to prison camp on the Pacific coast. There I was put into a "sweat box" where I had to endure days of mild temperatures and high humidity.

When they found that this wasn't going to break me I was put into a cell in which I could almost stand upright or almost lay down. It was lit by a single fluorescent tube day and night while the guards outside played the music of "Petra" and the recordings of the Western novels of L. Ron Hubbard continuously (I was mistaken in my earlier posting).

Finally, I was brought up before the Big Man himself: Gladhander, who shook my hand until I thought my arm would fall off and my hand crushed. Then he flung me to his waiting minions and simply said, "Make him talk!"

I would have been happy to do so, only they never told me what they wanted to know. They may have all have made a mistake and didn't want to admit it, especially since they kept calling me "Georgie Boy" and "W".

Anyway, under the most harrowing conditions and most awful conditions I managed to escape and now I am home.

Hi, Mom! I'm back.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Sep 08 - 11:47 PM

Amos,

Did you intend that flagrant double entendre for your best MOAB buddy Rapaire? I can't imagine you would possibly think . . . well, what it is possible to read if one is accustomed to double entendres!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Sep 08 - 08:19 PM

I am sure they are still missing you, and feeling bad about it.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 08 Sep 08 - 01:29 PM

Of course I am! That's why I had to escape! And Amos -- I had to us a sea kayak made of sticks, chewing gum, and old newspapers smeared with used cooking grease. My paddle was a 2 x 4. I hope that I'll never have to do that again, especially under mortar fire from the guards on the cliffs above.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Sep 08 - 11:59 AM

Perhaps you are more important to the fate of Western civilization than you realize.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Sep 08 - 11:22 AM

O, T, H, and I are the only ones that are rally reversable with that particular font, but I didn't think anyone would pay attention.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Sep 08 - 11:13 AM

A server of sooth smoothies, so to say.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Sep 08 - 10:55 AM

Oh, you smooth soother, you. And sooth-speaker, too!





A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Sep 08 - 10:28 AM

the finest kind; the ones that make you look twice!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Sep 08 - 10:19 AM

Stilly:

On closer inspection, you were fooling us. The W and X you showed us were not backwards, or their thinner strokes would have come first (from left to right). They are NORMAL!!!!! What kinda BS is that???


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Sep 08 - 11:08 PM

Hell, man, we knew that. And by stealing my little theme of sea kayaking, you have jkust proven you are a latent Republican. Whyncha just come out of the closet so you can respect yourself?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 07 Sep 08 - 09:57 PM

I've been sea kayaking, so to speak. It was part of my escape.

And that should have been "MOM" and not "MON".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Sep 08 - 07:59 PM

Besides, why should we be all terrorized just because you found a Font of Mass Distraction to use on us?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Sep 08 - 05:54 PM

We've been busy, MOM understands.

25,200


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Sep 08 - 05:36 PM

Shame-Я-Us!!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 07 Sep 08 - 05:32 PM

So. I risk life and limb, torture beyond your wildest conception, to escape and FIND MON HAS BEEN IGNORED since so early this morning that not even God was awake! I swim through pirahna filled waters, crawl through mined mud while the guards' machine gun bullets splat around me, and I find poor Mom has been ignored!

They pulled out my toenails, subjected me to the tickle torture while I was waterboarded, they played the Complete Works of L. Ron Hubbard to a background of Christian rock music for 24 hours a day...and I find this!

For shame, all of you!

I'll shame you more later.

Sorry for their neglect, Mom.
R


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Sep 08 - 12:18 AM

OUt on the cool restless breast of the ocean, before the first light, I launched into the surf, sitting ready and timing the incoming swells until the moment was right, and cutting through them with my prow arching and falling on their shoulders until I was past the breaker line.

Even then, the air was gray, the sea was steely, and the waves chopped this way and that. I made headway against the wind, bearing west and south to the open sea just beyond the cove and the caves that line the bluffs below it. Once there, I could relax and let the low cool wind and choppy sees move me cattycorner into the arch of the cove and down before the bluffs. I broke out a tall car-cup of coffee and sipped, wandering the stream with minor corrections, drifting down before the stern cormorant rookeries and the seal colonies, watching them stir as sun began behind clouds in a hint of morning time hidden in mist.

I rode the swells in close, eyeing them for treachery and timing my turns, along the underpinnings, into the mouths of the gaping caves. When the sea rose up I turned into it, and rod eover it; when it stilled, I let it carry me.

FInally I made my way up wind, across the shoreline, back to the loading beach, and again as I have done before, rode the right wave in at the right time. One almost tracked and turned me, which would have walked me straight into a broach and tumble in another moment, but I fought it off and swung the prow back again, and rode her in to the shallows in the last moment.

It is a lot of work to mount up, and carry the kayak, re-mount it on the cartop afterwards, then bring it down again, clean it and store it and all its paraphernalia, but the moments earned by this effort are golden.

Say Good-Night, Gracie...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Sep 08 - 11:45 PM

LH,

It takes no time at all to steal borrow someone else's code and then recite the alphabet, picking out each symetrical letter. The trick was to mix them up a little, to give it a casual air.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Sep 08 - 10:24 PM

I doubt that we will ever know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Sep 08 - 09:54 PM

The real question is whether the credence brings about the reality, or vice versa? Where does postulated knowing end and mere perception begin?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Sep 08 - 09:00 PM

We can also pretend something real is happening.


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