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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

gnu 27 Oct 15 - 09:51 PM
Amos 27 Oct 15 - 07:17 PM
Amos 27 Oct 15 - 01:03 AM
Acme 26 Oct 15 - 11:28 PM
Rapparee 26 Oct 15 - 10:25 PM
gnu 26 Oct 15 - 10:04 PM
Rapparee 26 Oct 15 - 09:08 PM
Amos 26 Oct 15 - 12:51 PM
Rapparee 26 Oct 15 - 11:47 AM
Rapparee 26 Oct 15 - 09:01 AM
Acme 25 Oct 15 - 03:36 PM
Amos 25 Oct 15 - 11:19 AM
Amos 24 Oct 15 - 10:58 PM
Rapparee 24 Oct 15 - 10:53 PM
Rapparee 24 Oct 15 - 10:51 PM
gnu 24 Oct 15 - 04:40 PM
Rapparee 24 Oct 15 - 02:48 PM
Amos 24 Oct 15 - 10:01 AM
Amos 24 Oct 15 - 12:09 AM
Rapparee 23 Oct 15 - 01:03 PM
Amos 23 Oct 15 - 01:21 AM
Rapparee 22 Oct 15 - 09:35 PM
gnu 22 Oct 15 - 08:56 PM
Rapparee 22 Oct 15 - 08:15 PM
Rapparee 22 Oct 15 - 09:52 AM
Rapparee 22 Oct 15 - 09:50 AM
Amos 21 Oct 15 - 11:19 PM
Rapparee 21 Oct 15 - 10:17 PM
Rapparee 21 Oct 15 - 03:05 PM
Amos 21 Oct 15 - 11:59 AM
Rapparee 21 Oct 15 - 10:52 AM
Rapparee 21 Oct 15 - 10:31 AM
Amos 21 Oct 15 - 12:42 AM
Rapparee 20 Oct 15 - 10:36 PM
Rapparee 20 Oct 15 - 01:00 PM
GUEST, ^*^ 20 Oct 15 - 10:32 AM
Rapparee 20 Oct 15 - 08:54 AM
gnu 20 Oct 15 - 07:50 AM
Amos 19 Oct 15 - 11:26 PM
Rapparee 19 Oct 15 - 09:29 PM
Rapparee 19 Oct 15 - 09:29 PM
Rapparee 19 Oct 15 - 09:23 PM
gnu 19 Oct 15 - 09:05 PM
Rapparee 19 Oct 15 - 08:55 PM
Rapparee 19 Oct 15 - 06:24 PM
gnu 19 Oct 15 - 04:51 PM
Amos 19 Oct 15 - 10:46 AM
Rapparee 19 Oct 15 - 09:24 AM
Amos 18 Oct 15 - 11:33 PM
Rapparee 18 Oct 15 - 09:37 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 27 Oct 15 - 09:51 PM

Did you say "HI" for us?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Oct 15 - 07:17 PM

Mom just called; she was sobbing and remonstrating, insisting that everyone had just abandoned her and she was forlorn and feckless, or something. I couldn't make it all out as she was sniffling and snorting a lot.

Something about telling Khandu to "get" Rapaire. I tried to tell her he doesn't even spell it that way any more, but she wasn't listening. Then she said she was going to get Chongo after him and that that would teach him a lesson for sure. Then she hung up, wailing and said she was going to drown her sorrows. Go figger.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Oct 15 - 01:03 AM

Here we discover
That energy and solids
Act differently in the mind
And can each and differently persuade the Soul
To believe in the inevitability of matter, and space
And the ticking of ridiculous Time.

Angstrom Physique de Loi
Irrefutability and the Mind
Hebdomaire Press, Paris, 1967


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Oct 15 - 11:28 PM

The first time I used a microwave oven was in 1978. They were quite the novelty, so I remember. I was out in Upstate New York, visiting a friend who grew up near me Out West. Putting a cup of water in the microwave to heat it to brew tea - it didn't take me any time at all to realize the water heated that way doesn't quite work right for tea, and if you stick a tea bag or spoon in, sometimes it can do a fast boil right out of the cup onto your hand or splash your face. They can do harm, but I've never heard of anyone being bludgeoned by one before.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Oct 15 - 10:25 PM

Did you know that Trump's grandpa made his money in a restaurant/bar/brothel combination during the Klondike Rush? 'S true. He came out just before the gold played out with a bunch of cash, which eventually was used to finance Donnie's father's investment in NYC real estate to the Daddy could "loan" Don a million bucks to get started himself.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Oct 15 - 10:04 PM

My nuke is only 600 watts but it's massive. I could cook a big turkey in it but I couldn't use it to pummel a big turkey. It's huge. Trump huge. And *that* is one big turkey.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Oct 15 - 09:08 PM

There are zombies
From Tashkent to Bombay
From London to Boise
Where they are quite noisy
Tho' they splash and they splish
Brains are their dish
Or so it is so
By those that don't know
That zombies will die
If just you or I
Knew that their fault
Is a small bit of salt
Tossed into their mouth
So they see the truth
That they are not dead
Like that old Astaire, Fred
Then they go for the bokor
And when he is done for
Like two tons of lead
The zombie falls dead.
       --Melody Couplet, 1807


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Oct 15 - 12:51 PM

I'll be your lover, your friend, or your slave
If you promise not to beat me with a microwave.
And I'll help you move, if it's ot too far,
If you agree not to hit me with your Fender guitar.
All of this, I will do for you, and even more,
'Cuz after all we're friends, and that's what friends are for,
So I'll be here for you,to my very last breath
But friends do not beat each other to death.
So just keep your meth-head rage on the shelf
Or I'll be the one to say,
Go fuck yourself.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Oct 15 - 11:47 AM

Police say Perry beat Paquin with his hands, feet, an electric guitar and a microwave.

A man in Grants, NM used these to beat his friend to death because, as he told police, his friend was turning into a Zombie. I guess an acoustic guitar or a banjo wouldn't have worked. So keep these handy (especially your hands) in case you see someone turning into a zombie.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Oct 15 - 09:01 AM

A genuine ghost pepper or six in each jar!

Wasn't that Nixon's secretary, the one that wiped 12 minutes off the tapes? Mary Rose Okra?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Oct 15 - 03:36 PM

I pickled some okra this afternoon. If you're all good this year maybe you'll find a half-pint jar in your stockings at xmas. MOM loves the stuff so you'll need to rise early to beat her to your stockings.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Oct 15 - 11:19 AM

That was one smart amoral deppidy, Mister R.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Oct 15 - 10:58 PM

Who would by a ballpoint that makes you pregnant, after all? Better buy a fountain pen that spills its seed on the ground.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Oct 15 - 10:53 PM

A Mexican bandit held up a bank in Tucson. The sheriff and his deputy chased him. When they captured him, and the sheriff, who couldn't speak Spanish, asked him where he'd hidden the money. "No se nada," he replied.

The sheriff put a gun to the bandit's head and said to his bi-lingual deputy: "Tell him that if he doesn't tell us where the money is right now, I'll blow his brains out."

Upon receiving the translation, the bandit became very animated. "Ya me acuerdo! Tienen que caminar tres cuadradas hasta ese gran arbol. Debajo del arbol, alli esta el dinero."

The sheriff leaned forward. "Yeah? Well..?"
The deputy replied: "He says he wants to die like a man."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Oct 15 - 10:51 PM

The Dairy Association's huge success with the campaign "Got Milk?" prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention the Spanish translation read "Are you lactating?"

Coors put its slogan, "Turn It Loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer From Diarrhea."

Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux."

Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick," a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the "Manure Stick."

An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I Saw the Pope" (el Papa), the shirts read "I Saw the Potato" (la papa).

Pepsi's "Come Alive With the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back From the Grave" in Chinese.

Frank Perdue's chicken slogan, "It takes a strong man to make a tender chicken" was translated into Spanish as "it takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate."

When American Airlines wanted to advertise its new leather first class seats in the Mexican market, it translated its "Fly In Leather" campaign literally, which meant "Fly Naked" (vuela en cuero) in Spanish.

Hunt-Wesson introduced Big John products in French Canada as Gros Jos. Later they found out that in slang it means "big breasts".

Bank Caixa Econômica Federal in Brazil offered in an advertisment "HOT MONEY" (in english), obviously unaware of the fact that hot money means "Stolen Money" in normal slang.

The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as "Kekoukela", meaning "Bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax", depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent "kokou kole", translating into "happiness in the mouth."

When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read, "It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you."The company thought that the word "embarazar" (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read: "It won't leak in your pocket and make you pregnant"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Oct 15 - 04:40 PM

Some salvation is better than none.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Oct 15 - 02:48 PM

The young woman, obviously pregnant, came into the Emergency Room.

"Can I help you?" asked a nurse.

"Wouldn't. Couldn't." replied the woman.

"I don't understand."

"Can't. Won't. Don't." said the woman.

At this point a doctor came in and asked what was going on. The nurse told him, and the doctor said, "Get her in here right away! She's having contractions!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Oct 15 - 10:01 AM

Mom says I am going too far, over the top, out of line, beyond the pale, over the moon, and outta sight. I told her to stop trying to preposition me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Oct 15 - 12:09 AM

You are far too old to be hiding behind her skirts, you sotted reprobate, It is time for you to man uo--nay SENIOR man up--and own what you have done, and what you have fecklessly rationalized like a frothing cur.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Oct 15 - 01:03 PM

My mother incorriged me. She gave me lots of incorriment.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Oct 15 - 01:21 AM

IT's no good justifying your rudeness with condescension and sarcasm, Rapp. It just compounds the offense and extends your sentence of servitude exponentially. There's no miscreant like an incorrigible miscreant.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Oct 15 - 09:35 PM

Surgery removing a pilar cyst.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Oct 15 - 08:56 PM

So, why do you have another hole in your head, Rap? Too much, ahhh, errr, knowledge in there creating a "pressure"?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Oct 15 - 08:15 PM

Well, I have a hole in the top of my head. It's sutured shut, but we went to dinner after the surgery and the wind was blowing. You know how an empty bottle sounds when you blow across the top? Well, I was just walking along to the restaurant and was told to stop doing that. When I put my hat on it stopped.

(Amos, you'll have to translate this yourself. Arapaho would be a good choice.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Oct 15 - 09:52 AM

Oops again! Sorry, Amos, I forgot the translation.

At 4 p.m. today I've an appointment to get my head pierced.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Oct 15 - 09:50 AM

At 4 p.m. today I've an appointment to get my head pierced.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Oct 15 - 11:19 PM

Gets teejus,, don't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Oct 15 - 10:17 PM

Mən ingilis dilinə şeyi tərcüməçilər tərəfindən oxucuların kəşfiyyat təhqir deyil tədris edilmişdir. Bu ədəbiyyat, dram, ilahiyyat, informatika, kitabxana, elm, fəlsəfə və tarix, həm də bakalavr iş və magistr iş idi.

Amma artıq bu cür realms yaşayan və bundan sonra, adətən tərcümə daxildir.

(I forgot to do this earlier. Bu əvvəllər bunu unuttum.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Oct 15 - 03:05 PM

I was taught not to insult the intelligence of readers by translating things into English. This was in both undergraduate work and graduate work in literature, drama, theology, information science, library science, philosophy, and history.

But I no longer inhabit such realms and will, henceforth, usually include a translation.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Oct 15 - 11:59 AM

When you have something to say, why yes. That is, if you intend to communicate rather than to merely act out an overweening condescension. While your scholarship may be rambunctious, your consideration of others falls woefully short.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Oct 15 - 10:52 AM

Amos, were I discussing, say, Basque poetry of the early Christian epoch, such as

lelo. yl lelo
lelo. yl lelo;
leloa çarat
il leloa.

Romaco armac
aleguin eta
Vizcayac daroa
Zanzoa.


surely you wouldn't want me to insult you by translating it into English, would you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Oct 15 - 10:31 AM

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens.

If you can read the above, thank someone who teaches German. If you can read my previous post, thank someone who teaches Latin. If you can read this, be glad you're literate in, at least, American English.

Unlike those at the Legion Hovel, who can (mostly) grunt and say, "Beer" or "Mad Dog" or "Whiskey." Sometimes they will say something like "Pickled pig's tail" or "Hog rinds" if they're hungry. Panhandle Slim was tossed out the other night for reading a book. It was "Goodnight Moon" and the others were afraid he'd give them a goodnight moon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Oct 15 - 12:42 AM

Dear old Booqueman--obscurity at any price.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Oct 15 - 10:36 PM

Quand fabae nobis modium farrisue dedisti, cum tua Niliacus rura colonus aret? Quando brevis gelidae missa est toga tempore brummae? Argenti venit quando selibra mihi? Nil aluid video quo te credamus amicum quam quod me coram perdere soles.
                     --Martial, Epigrams, X.15


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Oct 15 - 01:00 PM

Nope. The old freezers are still buried. Do you think George the Kid and Hoppin' Harper need a hideout? I could be convinced to let them use one each and then close the lids -- permanently.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST, ^*^
Date: 20 Oct 15 - 10:32 AM

We heard the election news clear down here in Tejas, that Harper is out. He was referred to in one article as the political vestiges of Baby Bush.

Did you ever get rid of those fridges under the porch, Rap?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Oct 15 - 08:54 AM

So the Greens and the NDP work with the Liberals to keep the lid on the Conservatives. They'll have their differences, but Keeping Harper Down is the best idea, no?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 20 Oct 15 - 07:50 AM

Better, yes. Best, no.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Oct 15 - 11:26 PM

Trudeau has swept the field across the boards. Better?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Oct 15 - 09:29 PM

53335.

Told you I had dibs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Oct 15 - 09:29 PM

You want HARPER in again??? Trudeau might not be the best, but better than Harper.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Oct 15 - 09:23 PM

What are you smoking? The Liberals are elected in 30 ridings and lead in 3 more. Atlantic Canada is going Liberal. Right now the NDP had 17.4% of the vote, the Conservatives 18.3, and the Liberals 59.8.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Oct 15 - 09:05 PM

Good Lard! Oh me Dog! She's RED RED RED all across Atlantic Canada. Fucks my retirement plans up if this keeps up. Sweet Jaysus H.! How could... oh yeah... strategic voting and fear mongering and an uneducated voting pubically challenged electorate. Looks like Canuckistan may get fucked yet again. Ten years of this shit... 147 years in total of this fuckin bullshit save Tommy and Lester.

I am sad.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Oct 15 - 08:55 PM

Except for Moncton it looks like the Maritimes will go Liberal.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Oct 15 - 06:24 PM

Simply address me as "Dominus et deus meus".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Oct 15 - 04:51 PM

A... both of you were a treat. The viewing of Gabe's art on the internUt was astounding, to say the least. Being picked as the sole artist on the expedition to Antarctica among 50 eminent scientists impressed the fuck out of this little black duck. His art is treasure. Runs in the family I guess.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Oct 15 - 10:46 AM

My sympathies/ We can offer you the Early Decedence option, or you can recover. Your lordship is still in doubt, however: Earle Brokebottom, or the Duke of Privy?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Oct 15 - 09:24 AM

I can barely creep and crawl to the necessary room this morning. Oh, that I wasn't such a wonderful person! Oh, that I hadn't done all that lifting in my secret identity as a mild-mannered retired librarian! And my massage therapist off on bed rest because it's only a couple weeks until her baby arrives (she spiked into pre-eclampsia over the weekend).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Oct 15 - 11:33 PM

It is etched as well in both out memories, good Gnu--my cousin Gabe still asks after you.After several beers I think I was less concerned about fit than about comfort. Gabe is a hardier breed of mariner than I am. But it turned out excellent.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Oct 15 - 09:37 PM

Well, it was interesting.

Since we moved here -- twelve years ago -- there has been a thing under the pipe that delivers the condensate from the furnace to the outdoors. It has been slowly deteriorating and frankly, it was just plain ugly. Painted white, it was sort of a homemade multilevel planter.

But because it was located in a spot that is difficult to work in and because it wasn't eating much or hurting anything and was pretty well hidden from view we didn't do anything.

This afternoon I was working in the yard. I moved some things back to the storage area and as I turned to return to work the back of the damned thing broke away and started to roll towards me.

I stopped it with my own two bare hands, and believe me, it was heavy! After I recovered somewhat -- I could have been hurt! -- I took a three pound cross-peen hammer to it, put the parts in the trash bin, and tried to move the bin.

There must be a couple hundred pounds of concrete in there, and I salvaged part of the succulents that were growing in the thing! It was a deuce of a time rolling that bin through the grass and uphill to concrete driveway, but I got 'er done.

Remind me not to bust up a couple hundred pounds of concrete and then move it. I'm pretty sore!

Gee, Friday I helped unload 375 pounds of fiberglass composite columns. So in the last three days I'm moved better than a quarter-ton of stuff I don't ordinarily move. I wonder if I can leap tall buildings in single bound.


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