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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 17 Oct 06 - 05:09 PM
Acme 17 Oct 06 - 04:48 PM
Amos 17 Oct 06 - 03:59 PM
Rapparee 17 Oct 06 - 03:42 PM
Rapparee 17 Oct 06 - 03:35 PM
Rapparee 17 Oct 06 - 03:28 PM
Rapparee 17 Oct 06 - 03:23 PM
Amos 17 Oct 06 - 02:24 PM
Rapparee 17 Oct 06 - 08:29 AM
Bunnahabhain 17 Oct 06 - 08:14 AM
Amos 17 Oct 06 - 02:14 AM
Amos 16 Oct 06 - 08:25 PM
Amos 16 Oct 06 - 07:21 PM
Rapparee 16 Oct 06 - 06:59 PM
Amos 16 Oct 06 - 06:05 PM
Rapparee 16 Oct 06 - 04:59 PM
Amos 16 Oct 06 - 04:25 PM
Rapparee 16 Oct 06 - 04:20 PM
Amos 16 Oct 06 - 04:07 PM
Rapparee 16 Oct 06 - 01:36 PM
Amos 16 Oct 06 - 01:21 PM
Rapparee 16 Oct 06 - 01:16 PM
Acme 16 Oct 06 - 12:14 PM
Rapparee 16 Oct 06 - 11:52 AM
Amos 16 Oct 06 - 11:14 AM
Amos 16 Oct 06 - 10:22 AM
Acme 16 Oct 06 - 10:00 AM
Amos 16 Oct 06 - 09:16 AM
Rapparee 16 Oct 06 - 09:10 AM
Bunnahabhain 16 Oct 06 - 08:02 AM
Amos 16 Oct 06 - 12:32 AM
Rapparee 15 Oct 06 - 11:07 PM
Amos 15 Oct 06 - 10:44 PM
Rapparee 15 Oct 06 - 10:05 PM
Acme 15 Oct 06 - 09:23 PM
Acme 15 Oct 06 - 09:22 PM
Rapparee 15 Oct 06 - 09:06 PM
Amos 15 Oct 06 - 08:17 PM
Rapparee 15 Oct 06 - 05:53 PM
Bunnahabhain 15 Oct 06 - 05:38 PM
Rapparee 15 Oct 06 - 04:46 PM
Amos 15 Oct 06 - 03:32 PM
Acme 15 Oct 06 - 03:15 PM
Amos 15 Oct 06 - 11:25 AM
Rapparee 15 Oct 06 - 10:40 AM
Rapparee 15 Oct 06 - 10:40 AM
Acme 15 Oct 06 - 10:28 AM
gnu 15 Oct 06 - 06:39 AM
Acme 15 Oct 06 - 12:52 AM
Rapparee 14 Oct 06 - 08:27 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Oct 06 - 05:09 PM

Dear gawd, Still -- sorry to hear this news. They have no idea what might have precipitated this condition?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Oct 06 - 04:48 PM

I've been away--sorry to miss the poetic theoretic dialectic. . . my mudkitten Moonglow is in the hospital. They admitted her yesterday with severe anemia. They gave her a couple of units of blood, but in the way of hospitals, have taken most of it back piecemeal as they prepare to do tests. (One wonders how the tests look when they've so recently added new to her system?). Anyway, I'm NOT going to start a thread about this, I'm not calling any more attention to it than here, but I just wanted the MOAB family to know that while we've had a scare, we're working on this one. I slept at the hospital last night and her dad drove up to spell me for a while. She's in a hospital about 45 miles north of Fort Worth in Denton, where she attends the university (UNT). I'll head up again tonight, our son is going to stay at his dad's house because he can catch the school bus from there. We'll trade off between the places like this as long as we need to. We're not sure how long they'll keep her (the tests may take a couple of days and they said they may discharge her before they're all back). I have some research printouts to learn more about the types of anemia, and I'll hand this off to her dad this evening, so we'll both be in a better position to ask informed questions when needed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Oct 06 - 03:59 PM

Here's a fine return! One jibe, two lines, tossed cold
Into the world have now a thousand-fold
Returned! Such profit as I make
Would take an honest broker years to take!
But, though in volume no loss can we see,
We'll strive to compensate with quality
And with one couplet, send our colleague sculling
Madly down time's stream, and madly culling,
'Til he sail back, and welcomed gladly,
With reams of reference, copied madly,
His boat awash and all his reams besodden,
Unloading bales of verbiage, ill-gotten.
This scourge of reference, true contrarian,
Reveals the soul of this, our Own Librarian.
But I am weary, and will offer
Not one more couplet to swell up this coffer;
And you, I pray, turn off your wit tyrannical,
And cease these wasteful screeds Britannical!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Oct 06 - 03:42 PM

Now Amos, here's advice from Old Tom Hardy,
Who was better at poesy that I'll ever be!

'Terence, this is stupid stuff:        
You eat your victuals fast enough;        
There can't be much amiss, 'tis clear,        
To see the rate you drink your beer.        
But oh, good Lord, the verse you make,              
It gives a chap the belly-ache.        
The cow, the old cow, she is dead;        
It sleeps well, the horned head:        
We poor lads, 'tis our turn now        
To hear such tunes as killed the cow.              
Pretty friendship 'tis to rhyme        
Your friends to death before their time
        
Moping melancholy mad:        
Come, pipe a tune to dance to, lad.'        

Why, if 'tis dancing you would be,              
There's brisker pipes than poetry.        
Say, for what were hop-yards meant,        
Or why was Burton built on Trent?        
Oh many a peer of England brews        
Livelier liquor than the Muse,              
And malt does more than Milton can        
To justify God's ways to man.        
Ale, man, ale's the stuff to drink        
For fellows whom it hurts to think:        
Look into the pewter pot              
To see the world as the world's not.        
And faith, 'tis pleasant till 'tis past:        
The mischief is that 'twill not last.        
Oh I have been to Ludlow fair        
And left my necktie God knows where,              
And carried half way home, or near,        
Pints and quarts of Ludlow beer:        
Then the world seemed none so bad,        
And I myself a sterling lad;        
And down in lovely muck I've lain,              
Happy till I woke again.        
Then I saw the morning sky:        
Heigho, the tale was all a lie;        
The world, it was the old world yet,        
I was I, my things were wet,              
And nothing now remained to do        
But begin the game anew.        

Therefore, since the world has still        
Much good, but much less good than ill,        
And while the sun and moon endure              
Luck's a chance, but trouble's sure,        
I'd face it as a wise man would,        
And train for ill and not for good.
        
'Tis true, the stuff I bring for sale        
Is not so brisk a brew as ale:              
Out of a stem that scored the hand        
I wrung it in a weary land.        
But take it: if the smack is sour,        
The better for the embittered hour;        
It should do good to heart and head              
When your soul is in my soul's stead;        
And I will friend you, if I may,        
In the dark and cloudy day.        

There was a king reigned in the East:        
There, when kings will sit to feast,              
They get their fill before they think        
With poisoned meat and poisoned drink.        
He gathered all the springs to birth        
From the many-venomed earth;        
First a little, thence to more,              
He sampled all her killing store;        
And easy, smiling, seasoned sound,        
Sate the king when healths went round.        
They put arsenic in his meat        
And stared aghast to watch him eat;              
They poured strychnine in his cup        
And shook to see him drink it up:        
They shook, they stared as white's their shirt:        
Them it was their poison hurt.        
I tell the tale that I heard told.              
Mithridates, he died old.        


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Oct 06 - 03:35 PM

Of course one can make a decision
To create a rhyme by its position:

* end rhyme, terminal rhyme: All rhymes occur at line ends--the standard procedure.


    * initial rhyme, head rhyme: Alliteration or other rhymes at the beginning of a line.


    * internal rhyme: Rhyme that occurs within a line or passage, whether randomly (as below, on "flow" and "grow") or in some kind of pattern:

                  A heavenly paradise is that place,
                  Wherein all pleasant fruits do flow.
                  These cherries grow, which none may buy
                  Till "Cherry Ripe!" themselves do cry.

    * leonine rhyme, medial rhyme: Rhyme that occurs at the caesura and line end within a single line--like a rhymed couplet printed as a single line:

                  I bring fresh showers for the thirsting flowers

    * caesural rhyme, interlaced rhyme: Rhymes that occur at the caesura and line end within a pair of lines--like an abab quatrain printed as two lines:

                  Sweet is the treading of wine, and sweet the feet of the dove;
                  But a goodlier gift is thine than foam of the grapes or love.
                  Yea, is not even Apollo, with hair and harp-string of gold,
                  A bitter God to follow, a beautiful God to behold?

Or the following unusual example, an In Memoriam stanza (abba) printed as couplets:
                  Upon the mat she lies and leers and on the tawny throat of her
                  Flutters the soft and silky fur or ripples to her pointed ears.

                  Come forth, my lovely seneschal! so somnolent, so statuesque!
                  Come forth you exquisite grotesque! half woman and half animal!


Or, to make it ten times worse, then telegraph
The rhyme's position in the poetic paragraph:

* crossed rhyme, alternating rhyme, interlocking rhyme: Rhyming in an abab pattern.

    * intermittent rhyme: Rhyming every other line, as in the standard ballad quatrain: xaxa.

    * envelope rhyme, inserted rhyme: Rhyming abba (as in the In Memoriam stanza).

    * irregular rhyme: Rhyming that follows no fixed pattern (as in the pseudopindaric or irregular ode).

    * sporadic rhyme, occasional rhyme: Rhyming that occurs unpredictably in a poem with mostly unrhymed lines.

    * thorn line: A line left without rhyme in a generally rhymed passage. (There are ten thorn lines among the 193 lines in Milton's irregularly rhymed Lycidas.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Oct 06 - 03:28 PM

Or, mayhap it is now time
To cross the boundaries with my rhyme...

* broken rhyme: Rhyme using more than one word:

                  But-oh! ye lords of ladies intellectual,
                  Inform us truly, have they not hen-peck'd you all?

Or rhyme in which one word is broken over the line end:

          I caught this morning morning's minion, king-
          Dom of daylight's dauphin, dapple-dawn-drawn Falcon,          in his riding
          Of the rolling level underneath him steady air, and striding
          High there, how he rung upon the rein of a wimpling wing

    * linked rhyme: Rhyme that depends on completing the rhyme sound by enjambment over the line end:

                  But what black Boreas wrecked her? He
                  Came equipped, deadly-electric,

    * apocopated rhyme: Rhyming a line end with a penultimate syllable:

                  A poem should be wordless
                  As the flight of birds.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Oct 06 - 03:23 PM

And which of these would you have me do?
(And these are just a few, 'tis true!)

    * perfect rhyme, full rhyme, true rhyme: These terms refer to the immediately recognizable norm: true/blue, mountain/fountain.

    * imperfect rhyme, slant rhyme, half rhyme, approximate rhyme, near rhyme, off rhyme, oblique rhyme: These are all general terms referring to rhymes that are close but not exact: lap/shape, glorious/nefarious.

    * eye rhyme: This refers to rhymes based on similarity of spelling rather than sound. Often these are highly conventional, and reflect historical changes in pronunciation: love/move/prove, why/envy.

    * identical rhyme: A word rhymes with itself, as in Emily Dickinson's "Because I Could not Stop for Death":

                  We paused before a house that seemed
                  A Swelling of the Ground--
                  The Roof was scarcely visible--
                  The Cornice--in the Ground.

    * rich rhyme (from French rime riche): A word rhymes with its homonym: blue/blew, guessed/guest.

    * assonant rhyme: Rhyming with similar vowels, different consonants: dip/limp, man/prank.

    * consonant rhyme: Rhyming with similar consonants, different vowels: limp/lump, bit/bet.

    * scarce rhyme: Rhyming on words with limited rhyming alternatives: whisp/lisp, motionless/oceanless.


    * macaronic rhyme: Macaronic verse uses more than one language, as in medieval lyrics with Latin refrains. Macaronic rhyme is also bilingual: glory/pro patria mori, sure/kreatur, queasy/civilis.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Oct 06 - 02:24 PM

Now that we've improved your timing,
We sll start work on your sense of rhyming!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Oct 06 - 08:29 AM

At JINR they had a dream
To see some element never seen.
Transuranics, like Californium,
And plain old ordinary Calcium
They slammed together, o'er and o'er
(Like the forceful closing of a door)
And behold! In the targer area there,
Alpha decay was brought to bear:
The clues all whispered, "Now you've done it!
Stick another feather in your bonnet!"

And there was element one sixteen
Followed soon by one eighteen --
But no one's seen one seventeen!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 17 Oct 06 - 08:14 AM

I beleive all the posters round here have donated all of their stability to the Cat, in silent whispers and unspoked curses as they try to get in...


It's not like we actually needed or wanted it anyway....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Oct 06 - 02:14 AM

If Mother is lacking, with age, much agility
And her number of posts now defies credibility!
No fear and worry, she's still got fertility!
We'll simply transport her to the Isle of Stability.

(Fragment from a never-recorded Tom Leher song, Harvard, 1956)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Oct 06 - 08:25 PM

In experiments conducted at the JINR U400 cyclotron between February and June 2005, the researchers observed atomic decay patterns, or chains, that establish the existence of element 118. In these decay chains, previously observed element 116 is produced via the alpha decay of element 118.


The particle begins to decay and eventually fissions.
The results will be published in the October 2006 edition of the journal, Physical Review C.

The experiment produced three atoms of element 118 when calcium ions bombarded a californium target. The team then observed the alpha decay from element 118 to element 116 and then to element 114. The Livermore-Dubna team had created the same isotope of element 116 in earlier experiments.

This discovery brings the total to five new elements for the Livermore-Dubna collaboration (113, 114, 115, 116 and 118).

"The decay properties of all the isotopes that we have made so far paint the picture of a large, sort of flat Island of Stability and indicate that we may have luck if we try to go even heavier," said Ken Moody, Livermore's team leader.

The Island of Stability is a term from nuclear physics that describes the possibility of elements, which have particularly stable "magic numbers" of protons and neutrons. This would allow certain isotopes of some transuranic elements (elements with atomic numbers greater than 92) to be far more stable than others, and thus decay much more slowly. Element 118 is expected to be a noble gas that lies right below radon on the periodic table of elements. The world is made up of about 90 elements," Moody said. "Anything more you can learn about the periodic table is exciting. It can tell us why the world is here and what it is made of."




I am deeply impressed with the poetic wit of physicists who come with the names of quarks -- charm, luck, and so on -- and who make up names like "Island of Stability". It sounds like a grand place and I would like to visit there -- maybe even retire. The very thought gives me a hadron.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Oct 06 - 07:21 PM

Anyone can cut and paste the Lokasenna section of the old Icelandic Poetic Edda, Rapaire.

Frigg
25. Your doings
ye should never
publish among men,
what ye, sir twain,
did in days of yore.
Ever forgotten be men's former deeds!
Loki
26. Be thou silent, Frigg!
Thou art Fjrgyn's daughter,
and ever hast been fond of men,
since Ve and Vili, it is said,
thou, Vidrir's wife, didst
both to thy bosom take.
Frigg
27. Know thou that if I had,
in gir's halls,
a son like Baldr,
out thou shouldst not go
from the sir's sons:
thou should'st have been fiercely assailed.
Loki
28. But wilt thou, Frigg!
that of my wickedness
I more recount?
I am the cause
that thou seest not
Baldr riding to the halls.
Freyja
29. Mad art thou, Loki!
in recounting
thy foul misdeeds.
Frigg, I believe,
knows all that happens,
although she says it not.



The question is not whether you can trot out ancient BS maunderings from far Nordic climes, but maunder up some of your own from your own Nordic clime. I think you may be suffering from the first anticipatory traces of Seasonal Affect Disorder, kind sir. But I know you are MUCH more capable than some old Iceman.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Oct 06 - 06:59 PM

Yeah? Cut and paste this!

inn kva:

    "R mr n, Frigg,
    alls mik fara tir
    at vitja Vafrnis;
    forvitni mikla
    kve ek mr fornum stfum
    vi ann inn alsvinna jtun."

Frigg kva:

    "Heima letja
    ek mynda Herjafr
    grum goa,
    vat engi jtun
    ek huga jafnramman
    sem Vafrni vera."

inn kva:

    "Fjl ek fr,
    fjl ek freistaa,
    fjl ek reynda regin;
    hitt vil ek vita,
    hv Vafrnis
    salakynni s."

Frigg kva:

    "Heill farir,
    heill aftr komir,
    heill sinnum sr!
    i r dugi,
    hvars skalt, Aldafr,
    orum mla jtun.

    Fr inn
    at freista orspeki
    ess ins alsvinna jtuns;
    at hllu hann kom,
    ok tti ms fair;
    inn gekk Yggr egar.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Oct 06 - 06:05 PM

Anyone can cut and paste Beowulf, Rapaire. Here:

Lo, praise of the prowess of people-kings
of spear-armed Danes, in days long sped,
we have heard, and what honor the athelings won!
Oft Scyld the Scefing from squadroned foes,
from many a tribe, the mead-bench tore,
awing the earls. Since erst he lay
friendless, a foundling, fate repaid him:
for he waxed under welkin, in wealth he throve,
till before him the folk, both far and near,
who house by the whale-path, heard his mandate,
gave him gifts: a good king he!
To him an heir was afterward born,
a son in his halls, whom heaven sent
to favor the folk, feeling their woe
that erst they had lacked an earl for leader
so long a while; the Lord endowed him,
the Wielder of Wonder, with world's renown.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Oct 06 - 04:59 PM

Quadrameter, Amos? Come on, you can squeeze out just a little more and make it pentamenter.

Or...would you like to try for troachic heptameter, the hepcat's scansion?

Oh, wait, I knnow! Something like this:

Hwt! We Gardena         in geardagum,
    eodcyninga,         rym gefrunon,
    hu a elingas         ellen fremedon.
    Oft Scyld Scefing         sceaena reatum,

    monegum mgum,         meodosetla ofteah,
    egsode eorlas.         Syan rest wear
    feasceaft funden,         he s frofre gebad,
    weox under wolcnum,         weormyndum ah,
    ot him ghwylc         ara ymbsittendra

    ofer hronrade         hyran scolde,
    gomban gyldan.         t ws god cyning!
    m eafera ws         fter cenned,
    geong in geardum,         one god sende
    folce to frofre;         fyrenearfe ongeat

    e hie r drugon         aldorlease
    lange hwile.         Him s liffrea,
    wuldres wealdend,         woroldare forgeaf;
    Beowulf ws breme         (bld wide sprang),
    Scyldes eafera         Scedelandum in.


Sure, it's a little bit more complex, but I'm certain you can do it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Oct 06 - 04:25 PM

Iambic pentameter, canine in style,
Produces poor doggerel, surly and vile.
But never a blessing, no Emmies, no Sophies
Will go the poet who writes Cat-ass trophies.
No laurel of wisdom, Platonic or Sapphic
To he who writes verses that are all catastrophic.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Oct 06 - 04:20 PM

CERN got matter and antimatter to combine.

So THAT'S where Switzerland went!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Oct 06 - 04:07 PM

ANother5 Fast Breaking News Flash!!

Mixing antimatter and matter usually has predictably violent consequences the two annihilate one another in a fierce burst of energy.

But physicists in Geneva have found a new way to make the two combine, at least briefly, into a single substance. This exceptionally unstable stuff, made of protons and antiprotons, is called protonium.

Charged antimatter particles share the same mass as their normal-matter counterparts but bear the opposite charge. Both types of matter are thought to have been created in equal amounts in the big bang, but for reasons yet unknown, today there is much more matter than antimatter in the universe.

Still, some antimatter forms naturally in space in collisions between charged particles and limited amounts have been produced in labs. In a feat of "antichemistry", some of this man-made antimatter chemically combined with normal matter in an experiment at the CERN particle physics lab back in 2002 but nobody realised it at the time.




PROTONIUM!! PROTONIUM!! Wow!!!

Finally an explanation for the matter-antimatter wave formations emanating from Idaho!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Oct 06 - 01:36 PM

Fast Breaking News Flash!

Scholarship at the Horevard University's Megabib Library ("Earn Your Doctorate In The Time It Takes To Write A Check!") has demonstrated rather conclusively that the first stanza to Bubba Browning's famous poem "How They Brought The Great Pox From Ghent To Aix" should read like this

I spring to the stirrup, and Joris, and he;      
I gallop'd, Dirck gallop'd, we gallop'd all three;
To the top of the house, to the top of the wall,
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!
      

instead of the way Browning wrote it.

This is expected to cause controversy in academic circles, where at least three people care.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Oct 06 - 01:21 PM

Oh, Bravo!!! Stirring!! Rhythmic!! Vivid!! Pointless!! I stand in awe.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Oct 06 - 01:16 PM

How The Brought The Great Pox From Ghent To Aix

I spring to the stirrup, and Joris, and he;        
I gallop'd, Dirck gallop'd, we gallop'd all three;        
We gallop'd and gallop'd and gallop'd all three;
And gallop'd and gallop'd, 'twas quite easy to see
We gallop'd and gallop'd and gallop'd 'thout water,
And into the coinbox we dropped a new quarter.        

Not a word to each other; not on speaking terms we        
Neck by neck, stride by stride (Joris stood up to pee).        
I turn'd in my saddle and made its girths tight,        
Then shorten'd each stirrup, and set the pique right,              
Rebuckled the cheek-strap, chain'd slacker the bit,        
And fell off of my horse like a bloody half-wit.

At Dundee up leap'd of a sudden the sun,        
And against him the cattle stood black every one,              
To stare thro' the mist at our galloping bustle,
No sheriff on our tail, and no cattle to rustle.
With resolute shoulders, each butting a bump
Those cattle just stood there, each dumb as a stump.

By Fort Worth, Dirck groan'd; and cried Joris "Stay spur!        
Your Roos gallop'd bravely, the fault's not in her,        
We'll remember at lunch"for one heard the quick wheeze        
Of her chest, saw the stretch'd neck and staggering knees,        
And sunk tail, and horrible heave of the flank,              
As down on her haunches she shudder'd and sank.        

So, we stopped and had lunch, Joris and I,        
Then past Taos and Dee-troit, no cloud in the sky;        
The broad sun above laugh'd a heartless "Ha ha!",        
While our feet slipped and slid in the equine ca-ca.
Till over by Canberra a dome-spire sprang white,        
And "Gallop," gasped Joris, "Vladisvostok's is in sight!        

Then I cast loose my buffcoat, my codpiece let fall,        
Shook off both my jack-boots, let go belt and all,              
Stood up in the saddle, lean'd, patted my rear,        
Call'd my Roland his pet name, killed off the last beer;        
Clapp'd my hands, laugh'd and sang, any noise, kept a beat,        
Till at length my pants fell 'round my ankles and feet.

And all I remember is, cops flocking round              
As I sat with my pants 'neath my knees on the ground;        
And no voice but was praising this physique of mine,        
As I pour'd down my throat a few liters of wine,        
Which (the burgesses voted by common consent)        
Was no more than my due, then they told me, "Get bent!"


         -- "Bubba" Browning, Tales (privately published, 1607)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Oct 06 - 12:14 PM

Hmmm. Sounds slightly like something from Caro Lamb's old friend.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Oct 06 - 11:52 AM

Hey, that's neat. Can I plagarize it to write about Assyrians? I've always had a hankerin' to write about Assyrians.

The Assyrian came down like a vole on the oat
And his bladder was so full his eyeteeth did float.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Oct 06 - 11:14 AM

The Destruction of the Voles

THe Librarian came down like a wolf on the fold,
His Bermudas were lime-green, his smile was half-gold
And he vowed that he'd see the whole acre de-Voled
Where the green grass grows softly, in cold Idaho.

Like the leaves of the forest when Summer is green,
The voles with their tails up at sunset were seen:
Like the leaves of the forest when Autumn hath blown,
The voles on the morrow lay withered and strown.

For the Angel of Death spread his wings on the blast,
And breathed in the face of the voles, as he passed;
And the eyes of the critters grew deadly and chill,
And their hearts but once heaved, and for ever grew still!

And the poisonous smoke bombs lay destruction all wide,
And the vole who inhaled it lost the breath of his pride;
And the foam of his gasping lay white on the turf,
And cold as the spray of the rock-beating surf.

And there lay the First Vole, distorted and pale,
With the dew on his brow, and the dirt on his nails:
And the burrows were silent, the kits left alone,
The nest cold and quiet, the warning unblown.
And the Owner turned back to the house, all alone
With his teeth of bright metal, and his heart of dull stone.

Gordon Flash Lighte, Lord Biro
Scribbles from the Far Burbs
Ball, Point and Penn, pubs.
Hartford, 1956


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Oct 06 - 10:22 AM

Yeth. Eye-yi-yi, Thtilly!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Oct 06 - 10:00 AM

She looked you straight in the ye? Is that your psychic center, reachable via good eye contact?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Oct 06 - 09:16 AM

Me auld granny gave me a wonderful line when I was growing up, for use on occasions like this one. She was from upstate New York, and she would look at you straight in the ye and twinkle a bit, and say, "Ayuh!! I heah ya talkin'!"

Usually she meant by this that she was not in a believing sorta mood.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Oct 06 - 09:10 AM

That's what my English Profs said. One of them said that I wrote poetry in "iambic catastrophometer" and another muttered something about "now we're paying for free verse" but he never gave me a cent. There was some move by the Modern Language Association to give me an award for my poetry, I think it was called "The Bootinarse" but I missed the ceremony because I was drinking with Johnny Milton, Al Pope, Junior Whitman, Tommy Eliot, Emmy Dickinson, and Bill Yeats.

Boy, that Emmy! She could make the dangles go both ways at once!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 16 Oct 06 - 08:02 AM

Don't go spoiling all his dreams about his writing now, that's just rude. We are many things round here, but rude we are not.

Reverse plagurism sounds like a great idea, so I shall be forced to steal it...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Oct 06 - 12:32 AM

Ya needs to learn a thing or two about scansion, senor. You can slur, blur or murmur, but ya still have to scan when you scam. It is shatteringly obvious you don't think of such things naturally or you would have written "of whom to be fond", instead of whom he could be fond, and"the desert called Gobi" in stead of the great desert called Gobi, because you would have sensed immediately that the scansion of these lines was catastrophic.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Oct 06 - 11:07 PM

I am working on another Epic Poem. Help would be depreciated.

Out in the wastes of the great desert called Gobi
Wandered an old fart, Obi Wan Kanobi,
Searching in vain for a good looking blonde
Or redhead or brunette of whom he could be fond.


This is to be a poem that details the angst of youth, a "coming of age" poem such as were written by Sappo of Leggos and Hieronymus Bush (a distant ancestor of the current US President). As the beginning indicates it must be tender and innocent, and yet sophisticated and lecherous; bawdy but decorous, sad and yet humerus.

Please feel free to jump right in. I'll be happy to ascribe credit where credit is due.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Oct 06 - 10:44 PM

If people can make a case for reverse discrimination, I don't see why they shouldn't be allowed to sue on grounds of reverse-plagiarism.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Oct 06 - 10:05 PM

Are the last two verses of Tom Lehrer's work anything like what I posted a bit ago about poisoning voles? If so, should I sue?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Oct 06 - 09:23 PM

Okay, Amos. It stayed home. 14,500.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Oct 06 - 09:22 PM

Seems to me Lehrer's "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park" would be a suitable anthem about now. I don't feel like looking it up to cut and paste in here so I'll just sing it to myself as I sit at the computer and you can imagine that I typed it in.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Oct 06 - 09:06 PM

'Sokay, Budd-y boy ol' pal, it was either poison 'em or shoot 'em, and my wife (and the cops) ojected to the use of firearms in the city limits (unless it's by the cops, or under certain restricted circumstances).

Well, the Great Game is over. The Idaho Legion Lejinears met the team from the Idaho Hospital for the Criminally Maladroit on the gridiron this afternoon. The start of the game was delayed until "Fingers" Rasmussen returned the quarter to the Referee so it could be flipped. Tradition was followed when the catch of the coin was missed and it was lost in the high grass of the field. An argument followed about who would kick off, so in the interests of peace and quiet both teams kicked off to each other at the same time.

This put both the offensive and defensive squads from both clubs on the field at the same time, which not only speeded things up considerably, but caused a certain amount of confusion as well. The confusion was exacerbated by the fact that both teams were wearing white uniforms, claiming that since both were from Idaho both were therefore "home teams" and enjoyed the "home field advantage."

Shortly after halftime, the Northside Pumas and the Eastside Fighting Moose soccer clubs arrived. It was discovered that they had also been booked to use what is called "The Stadium" and after some name calling and things the police SWAT team arranged it so that the soccer teams would play perpendicular to the (so-called) football teams.

Due to the clouds of tear gas and pepper spray is is difficult to say exactly who, if anyone, won anything. The paramedics, EMTs, and the riot squad from the local maxiumum security prison were in evidence as well.

As Slimtoes said, "Sheeeeeit, watta lousy game! No fractured skulls, not even a good old-fashioned stompin'. Kids today are soft, just a bunch of wussies. They break an leg or a collarbone and they run off to the medics. Sheeeeeeeit. Hey, you gotta cigarette maybe?"

The riot control agents should clear before the morning rush hour.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Oct 06 - 08:17 PM

But every vole
Has one small soul
IF you kill just one, or seven
Or ten, or more,
There on the shore
They'll wait for you, in heaven!
And then, old friend,
Ah, then, ah, then
The scene it will be paining
They'll name your sin,
In their voices thin,
While you do all the 'splainin'!!

Gautam Buddha
Warning to a Future Librarian
Delhi, 311


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Oct 06 - 05:53 PM

If Sunday you are free,
Why don't you come with me,
And we'll poison the voles in my backyard.
And maybe we'll do
In a ground squirrel or two,
While we're poisoning the voles in my backyard.

We'll murder them all amid laughter and giggles
Enthralled when we see their whirling and wiggles.
Myself, I'll find it droll
Each zinc phosphide coated roll
We feed to a short-tailed vole
It just takes a stroll
To poison the voles in my backyard.


-- John Webster, Songs of Childhood's Innoncent Pleasures (Boston: George Parkman Publications, 1849)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 15 Oct 06 - 05:38 PM

Not sure about voles, but we fed the red Squirrels all the left over cakes at the end of the weekend. Unfortunatly, all this actually suceeded in doing was attracting a plague of marathon runners.

The mountains were absoulutly beautiful though. Mom should go there, but only if the weather is good. Gluon should fix it.....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Oct 06 - 04:46 PM

Poisoning the voles,
Poisoning the voles,
I did that rejoicing,
Poisoning the voles.

Rap spreads poison oats and he don't care
Rap spreads poison oats and he don't care
Rap spreads poison oats and he don't care,
Them voles is goin' away.

DEATH TO VOLES!!!

At least, death to the ones infesting my back yard.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Oct 06 - 03:32 PM

14493...

With seven posts more, 14,500. Yes?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Oct 06 - 03:15 PM

Do you celebrate your half-birthdays in March, Amos? And maybe have quarterly tea-parties?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Oct 06 - 11:25 AM

Mom, you will be 14 thousand - five
In only nine threads more
And we will strive to see it's not
Claimed by some cheap cyber-whore
Some slime-fingered profiteer
Who soaks up other's labor
We'll grab him by his wrinkly ear
And send him to Lahore.
We'll let the desert's burning sun
Conserve his weaselly bones
If seeking to tha number steal,
He weaselly this way comes.

Who'll rock the cradle
Who sing my song
Who'll rock the cradle, when I'm gone?
I ain't got no use for that red rocking chair!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Oct 06 - 10:40 AM

Correction: there ARE some lowly asses around, but they're either in Congress or the Legislature; one is in the City Council.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Oct 06 - 10:40 AM

No, but the statue in the back is made from melted-down guns. And the one in the front is made from silicon bronze.

There are sage-covered hills, beautiful sunsets, and a great view out over the Snake River Plain.

There aren't any lowly asses that I know of, but there are a lot of horses and some mules around.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Oct 06 - 10:28 AM

Nah, but there is a knowly ass nearby. And lowly grass. That (surprisingly) none surpass.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 Oct 06 - 06:39 AM

SRS... gnuttin gnu at all.

Rap... is there a grassy knoll near the Library?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Oct 06 - 12:52 AM

I see you got the lead out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Oct 06 - 08:27 PM

I wish to report that in anticipation of the honor of Gnu's second posting this morning I went out to the shooting range and not only helped a guy get his rifle sighted in ("Take it to a gunsmith," I said) but I ALSO proved once again my ability with handgun (or handgonne, except they're not that old).

YES! Shooting a .22 caliber Ruger Mark II semiautomatic pistol freehand pointing I was able, at seven yards to hit a target 11 x 8 inches exactly TWICE in 25 rounds!!

Supported, that is using both hands and actually aiming, I put 50 rounds in an area about two inches across. At 25 yards, that is at the backstop, I was able to consistently hit 4 x 4 pieces of wood, plastic soda bottles, soft drink cans, and other debris litters had left.

I did this because it was a beautiful Autumn day here and I wanted to go do something different and yet "focusing." After I finished shooting, I took the trash bag I'd brought with me and picked up the trash.

Then I went to the Friends of the Library booksale, to the grocery, and home.


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