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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 16 Nov 05 - 05:07 PM
Rapparee 16 Nov 05 - 02:25 PM
Amos 16 Nov 05 - 12:25 PM
MMario 16 Nov 05 - 12:10 PM
MMario 16 Nov 05 - 12:08 PM
Amos 16 Nov 05 - 12:05 PM
Acme 16 Nov 05 - 11:52 AM
Amos 16 Nov 05 - 09:28 AM
Rapparee 16 Nov 05 - 08:45 AM
MMario 16 Nov 05 - 08:38 AM
Amos 15 Nov 05 - 11:30 PM
Rapparee 15 Nov 05 - 09:56 PM
Amos 15 Nov 05 - 09:13 PM
Rapparee 15 Nov 05 - 08:07 PM
Amos 15 Nov 05 - 07:35 PM
beardedbruce 15 Nov 05 - 04:36 PM
MMario 15 Nov 05 - 04:28 PM
Amos 15 Nov 05 - 04:25 PM
MMario 15 Nov 05 - 04:16 PM
Amos 15 Nov 05 - 04:03 PM
Acme 15 Nov 05 - 03:55 PM
MMario 15 Nov 05 - 03:29 PM
Rapparee 15 Nov 05 - 03:25 PM
Rapparee 15 Nov 05 - 03:13 PM
MMario 15 Nov 05 - 03:07 PM
Amos 15 Nov 05 - 02:12 PM
Acme 15 Nov 05 - 01:39 PM
MMario 15 Nov 05 - 12:45 PM
GUEST,Tweed 15 Nov 05 - 12:33 PM
MMario 15 Nov 05 - 11:03 AM
Amos 15 Nov 05 - 10:12 AM
Amos 15 Nov 05 - 09:56 AM
Acme 15 Nov 05 - 09:37 AM
Amos 15 Nov 05 - 12:21 AM
Rapparee 14 Nov 05 - 09:39 PM
Amos 14 Nov 05 - 05:31 PM
Rapparee 14 Nov 05 - 04:42 PM
Amos 14 Nov 05 - 01:55 PM
Rapparee 14 Nov 05 - 10:50 AM
Acme 14 Nov 05 - 09:35 AM
Amos 14 Nov 05 - 09:28 AM
Rapparee 14 Nov 05 - 08:36 AM
Acme 13 Nov 05 - 11:18 PM
Amos 13 Nov 05 - 11:14 PM
Rapparee 13 Nov 05 - 01:17 PM
Amos 13 Nov 05 - 10:45 AM
Rapparee 13 Nov 05 - 10:31 AM
Amos 13 Nov 05 - 10:15 AM
Rapparee 13 Nov 05 - 09:52 AM
Acme 13 Nov 05 - 09:43 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Nov 05 - 05:07 PM

You Gummy Bear!! Those teeth fell out of natch'l ole age!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Nov 05 - 02:25 PM

Ah, the RFCs. The memories that brings back....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Nov 05 - 12:25 PM

Aw, MM, gimme a liddle poetic license, huh??? LOL!

Back in 1973, it looked very different -- this doggerely is from May-June of that year:

Network Working Group                                    R. Merryman (UCSD-CC)
Request for Comments: 527                                              6/22/73

                              ARPAWOCKY

                   Twas brillig, and the Protocols
                         Did USER-SERVER in the wabe.
                   All mimsey was the FTP,
                         And the RJE outgrabe,

                   Beware the ARPANET, my son;
                         The bits that byte, the heads that scratch;
                   Beware the NCP, and shun
                         the frumious system patch,

                   He took his coding pad in hand;
                         Long time the Echo-plex he sought.
                   When his HOST-to-IMP began to limp
                         he stood a while in thought,

                   And while he stood, in uffish thought,
                         The ARPANET, with IMPish bent,
                   Sent packets through conditioned lines,
                         And checked them as they went,

                   One-two, one-two, and through and through
                         The IMP-to-IMP went ACK and NACK,
                   When the RFNM came, he said "I'm game",
                         And sent the answer back,

                   Then hast thou joined the ARPANET?
                         Oh come to me, my bankrupt boy!
                   Quick, call the NIC! Send RFCs!
                         He chortled in his joy.

                   Twas brillig, and the Protocols
                         Did USER-SERVER in the wabe.
                   All mimsey was the FTP,
                         And the RJE outgrabe.

                                                            D.L. COVILL
                                                            May 1973


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 16 Nov 05 - 12:10 PM

it's all in the patterns
one-oh!
one two oh!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 16 Nov 05 - 12:08 PM

Amos - the internet isn't in *his* basement, it's in the LIBRARY basement. The would most likely be technically correct if L-space is actual rather then theoretical, and all evidence *does* point towards the existance of L-space. Not that you will get a librarian to admit it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Nov 05 - 12:05 PM

They never know, as he walks by,
The clerk or nurse or teller
But the man who wears the wire-rims
Has the Internet in his cellar!

He keeps it hush, he isn't vain,
A style of self-effacement
Disguises he who keeps the whole
Internet in his basement

Yes, every server, every node
And every porn-site bitchin'
Is in the nooks of this man's home
Just downstairs from the kitchen.

Each fiber-optic link and line
The laptops linked through air;
The mega-servers Google owns,
Are hidden there, downstairs.

He's kept it there since '89
Determined, lion-hearted;
It's grown to near a million times
The size when he first started

Back then, it all fit on one shelf
A shoe-box of connections,
An archie file, some FTP,
And FIDOnet directions.

But now, it really is not safe
Even with better lighting
To go down there -- those cellar stairs
Are risky, jammed, and fright'ning

There's just too many lines and nodes
They're wedged from floor to ceiling
The hum and heat of CPUs
Can leave a strong man reeling!

And as for pages, sites, and GIFs,
The biggest mind would founder!
It's all too much -- you could get lost
In meand'ring, awe-struck wonder!

And that was how we lost Rapaire!
Last Thursday, after sup.
He wandered down that cellar stair,
And never did come up!

The Wild Frontier Electric--Ballads of Cyberspace

Redd, Ruffin, Reddy, eds.

Bizarro Publications, New Haven, 2001


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Nov 05 - 11:52 AM

Lawyers will take some pretty bizarre cases. I won't recite the details of my story of receiving a libelous letter from a family member for fear that family member is still looking for someone to sue. But it was such an absurd letter, clearly dictated by a mentally ill individual, making me wonder at the judgement of the attorney who could in good conscience send this specious piece of material through the mail. (This same letter-dictator was later issued a restraining order to keep him out of another attorney's office.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Nov 05 - 09:28 AM

Aha!! Cat's outta the bag NOW, Rapaire!! You're the weapon of mass distraction, with that there Internet in yer basement. Dang thing kicking our electrick bill thru the ceiling, and sucking in all them innocent kids and porn people all over it, and 'publicans too. Why, it's a public nuisance you got down there!! Oughta be a damn law, is what.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Nov 05 - 08:45 AM

I know these things because he left a two page note at the Reference Desk. I am so very frightened that I might consider quaking in my boots, if I wore boots to work today, which I probably won't.

Ranks right up there with the guy in Indiana who "knew" that we kept the Internet in the basement computer room and we'd better make it go faster. Yes, the whole thing was down there. We bought it, I guess, like we would a book or something.

Well, it was a full moon last night....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 16 Nov 05 - 08:38 AM

I was gonna say thare ain't no such thing as an "ex-USMC" - but decided that given the rest of the description of the guy - maybe there should be.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 11:30 PM

Dear Gawd, the tribulations you submit our Rapaire to -- we beg you to let them cease. We pray you not to send him Your messages carried by flea-bitten shell-shocked alky fanatic street folks, and let him hear Your words from the many wise books and well-behaved people around him instead. Thank You.

Your Friends on the MOAB

PS And please make them lawyers next door come late to wurk tomorrow.

YFOTM


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 09:56 PM

No, it's the homeless Aryan ex-USMC guy who is going to sue the library for $200,000 because his email to aryan-nations.org and the church of Jesus Christ christian bounced even though you can get sick ponrography and you can contact President Fidel Castro of Cuba. He's going to go see "the law firm next door" at 8 a.m. tomorrow and even though he did time in 1995 he's been clean for ten years. It's going to be cold tonight and no shelter from the elements and he can't contact Aryan Nations or "our" church in this emergency.

I'm sure the "law firm next door" will take his case. Yup, I just know they will, yessir. They just LOVE frivolous lawsuits, they do.

Besides, they don't open until 9.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 09:13 PM

The virile Raparee has just scare the bejeeezes outta his own self. Ain't that somp'n, though? Nuffin else in the world coulda dunnit, but he did...wotta guy.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 08:07 PM

Terrible, just terrible. It's awful, just awful. Horrible, oh so horrible. The horror! The horror!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 07:35 PM

LOL Bruce!! Whoever said you had no sense of humor was talking through his...hat.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 04:36 PM

"And isn't it the Angler fish that the male ends up as nothing but a parasitic organ totally dependent on the female? "

like humans, where....    never mind.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 04:28 PM

fish are prone to that sort of thing though, aren't they? Anyone that has raised guppies knows that.

And isn't it the Angler fish that the male ends up as nothing but a parasitic organ totally dependent on the female?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 04:25 PM

Many thanks, good MM!!

In other news, SOuthern California seems to be having its degenerate ways with the local fisheries:

"Intersex fish discovered off Southern California coast

Associated Press


LOS ANGELES - Scientists have discovered sexually altered fish off the Southern California coast, raising concerns that treated sewage discharged into the ocean contains chemicals that can affect an animal's reproductive system.

Finding so-called intersex animals is not a new phenomenon, but most of the instances were in freshwater settings. Environmentalists say this is among the first studies to document the effects in a marine environment.

Last year, federal scientists reported finding egg-growing male fish in Maryland's Potomac River. They think the abnormality may be caused by pollutants from sewage plants, feedlots and factories.

In the latest studies presented at Monday's Society of Environmental Toxicology and Chemistry in Baltimore, scientists caught 82 male English sole and hornyhead turbot off Los Angeles and Orange counties.

Of those, 11 possessed ovary tissue in their testes, said Doris Vidal of the Southern California Coastal Water Research Project, who led one of the studies.

Scientists do not yet know how such sexual defects affect the overall fish population."

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 04:16 PM

Bravo! an inspired adaptation of a classic.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 04:03 PM

Ten thousand, one hundred and four posts ago, our former selves and King brought forth upon this website a Great Thread conceived in liberty of thought and dedicated to the proposition that all topics are equally fair game.

Now we are engaged in a great civil dialogue, testing whether that thread -- or ANY thread, so conceived and so dedicated can long endure. We are met on a page of that thread.

We have come to dedicate a portion of it, as a final posting place for those who write here, that the MOAB might live. This we may, in all propriety, do. But in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate, we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow, this thread. The brave souls, living and dead, who struggled here, have hallowed it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what others say about the MOAB; while it can never forget what they wrote here.

It is rather for us the living, that we here be dedicated to the great task remaining before us--that from these honored posters we take increased devotion to that cause for which they here gave the last full measure of devotion--that we here highly resolve that these souls shall not have posted in vain, that this web site shall have a new birth of free BS, and that BS of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 03:55 PM

That was the one I was aiming at, but the 'Cat froze up for a while and I had to go do something since I'm at work today. Bugger.

:)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 03:29 PM

trtifecta! one-oh-one-oh-one


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 03:25 PM

Do I claim post 74?? Yes, I think I do.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 03:13 PM

I thought it refered to a geeky kind of Swedish birching furniture.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 03:07 PM

Of course Amos' erudite explanations ignore the fact that 'Hambo' also derives from the cockney pronunciation of the french 'jambon' or "ham" - from the period when french emigre's were living in london.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 02:12 PM

Definition of Hambo.

Instructions on dancing the Hambo

Sourcebook on the Hambo and other delights can be found from this link.


Further description of the Hambo's steps.


Hambo also refers to a geeky sort of software and a style of birch Swedish furniture.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 01:39 PM

An old fellow while dining at Crewe
Found quite a large mouse in his stew.
Said the waiter, "Don't shout
And wave it about,
Or the rest will be wanting one too."

Don't get all of those other folks started or who knows what kind of rabble the MOAB will attract! Good thing her sheer girth scares many away. I did give them a nice synopsis, though, I couldn't help myself. . .

No, Mom, don't feel bad, you DON'T steal bandwidth from the others! They're just jealous!.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 12:45 PM

they are talking about mom over here! Over here? over there? in that thread!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Tweed
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 12:33 PM

Goddammit!!! Who got the ten thousandth post? I have waited patiently, lurking and all vigimante to be 10,000 and now I see that it is gone forever.. another opportunity lost.

Aslo, MM is correct as "Hambo" is indeed a dish from the bayous obv southern Illinois and Indiana wherein the natives there substutit ham for shrimp, and crawdads. Celery and okra are essential elements as is the roux, made with cornmeal and fresh rendered rabbit fat. When it turns the color obv daffodils, it's time to eat!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 11:03 AM

I thought "Hambo" was that Cajun dish - you know, the one with okra or file powder?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 10:12 AM

I was just kidding; I know perfectly well it is a Scandinavian polka form.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 09:56 AM

It's a buttock-slapping chillun's dance from the pre-war South:

Hambo', hambo' where ya been
Down to da ribber, an' Ah'm goin agin!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 09:37 AM

Ah, but Amos, do you know what the Hambo is? WITHOUT googling it first?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Nov 05 - 12:21 AM

1. A hondo is a form of Andalusian lament or sad song; why does it need a burner.

2. 'Tis is a contraction of "it is. Therefore it would be incorrect to say "and the pity 'tis, 'tis true". Prefer: "And the pity is, 'tis true".

Why are you making these un-coerced statements? Isn't that a tad risky? People look at you funny if you start uttering thoughts that are really coercion free while they are reciting hypnotic lines from TV ads, enforced sentiments from beer commercials, and mandatory political thoughts from Rush Limbaugh.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Nov 05 - 09:39 PM

I wish to make the following statements and/or questions. They are made freely and without any coericion or intimidation of any sort or by anyone, human OR FAERY.

1. I have never watched "The Brady Bunch."
2. KMnO3 makes a fine bath salt.
3. Nobody knows the trouble I've seen.
4. freds and faeries are your best friends.
5. Who would have suspected Ralph?
6. A good hondo needs a good burner.
7. Duns Scotus is dead.
8. Every good boy deserves fudge.
9. If 'tis true, 'tis a pity, and the pity 'tis, 'tis true.
10. Besides, the wench is dead.

I repeat, these are made without fear or favor (or fear or favour). I make them of my own free will. No one is standing near me, threatening to turn me into a buck-toothed paramecium. Nope, I'm making this declaration because it's the right thing to do.

If I should die, think only this of me
That there is some corner of a foriegn field
That is forever MOAB....


Dulce Et Decorum Est Pro MOAB Mori!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Nov 05 - 05:31 PM

I assume you are referring to Cluricaunes -- a type of otherworldly creature similar to the Leprechaun, they have usually been seen sitting by the hearth of a fire and are always described as wearing a red jacket and a green high cap with a feather sticking in it. They are small in stature and usually appear as wizened old men. They can do mischief, grant wishes and poke fun at humankind. (Often confused with the other solitary fairies known as Lepracauns or the Fear Dearg they prefer to be indoors and do not like to do any physical labour). They like any kind of alcoholic beverage and can be found in the cellars of rich men, helping themselves to whatever they fancy of wine and whiskey.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Nov 05 - 04:42 PM

Sure, and the cluircanes an' me git along fine now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Nov 05 - 01:55 PM

What IS it with you and faeries, Rapaire? You on some kind of species-extermination kick here? Magical typocide? If you start getting knocks on your door late at night from tough short guys in green hats carrying shilelaghs, don't be too surprised...hope you survive okay.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Nov 05 - 10:50 AM

Ya oughta seem 'em "flyin' united", Amos. THAT'S where a flyswatter becomes your best friend.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Nov 05 - 09:35 AM

Aw, heck, we see 'em do it all the time in our back yard. It's dark and dense woods and a little humid over the creek--they're disguised as fireflies. You know those green glows you see? Yup. That's them scoring, so to speak. Faeries really do "afterglo." Down here in Texas of course the type is Praerie Faerie.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Nov 05 - 09:28 AM

Jeeze, Rapaire has really done it -- by introducing fookin' faeries into this thread he has acheived what seemed impossible -- a new dimension of BS.

I mean, I don't believe off hand that I have ever before entertained the notion of faery-folk fookin'. Now he's opened up a can of... well, a can of something, anyway.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Nov 05 - 08:36 AM

One uses what one has to hand. And I thought it more humane to squash 'em with letters and words than to reduce them to their lowest common denominator, divide them into fractions, and impale them upon a point while their little integers were nested (so to speak).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Nov 05 - 11:18 PM

Rapaire should have dropped a big algebra book on them. Then it could be a weapon of math instruction. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Nov 05 - 11:14 PM

Geeze, Rap -- you come on like Osama bin Laden turning innocent scholarly toms into weapons of mass destruction, and then you ask ME not to annoy them?

Hope your window screens are in good order.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Nov 05 - 01:17 PM

Amos! Faeries, please! They get so annoyed with that other "F-word." They say all the time, "Faeries have two eyes, but there's only one "i" in 'faeries.'"

Please, for your own sake, don't annoy them. They get soooooo out of control when they're annoyed.

And there was such a satisfying "SPLAT!" when Webster's Third International took 'em out. Of course, now I have to clean the binding off.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Nov 05 - 10:45 AM

That's a bit hard on, Woody -- can't you show a little more tolerance for them fairies?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Nov 05 - 10:31 AM

I've had to collect Peaseblossom. She was such a tease and a flirt, too. But when I caught her and Mucklemush engaged in a little touchy-feely-make-my-toes-curl it was simply too much, so I dropped an Unabridged dictionary on the two of them while they were flagrante delicto, so to speak.

Besides, they were sipping "nectar" from my liquor cabinet.

I think I'll have to get a new dictionary.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Nov 05 - 10:15 AM

Ah, our walking Woody!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Nov 05 - 09:52 AM

I don't eat liver or kale or any of those foods that contain iron and I don't take iron pills, either. My fencing epees are bronze or wood, and my car is, after extensive modifications, completely wooden. I am doing my best to eliminate iron from my body, but I get so very, very tired when I start to succeed!

Oh, yes. That one word was supposed to be "sucHlike" and not "sucKlike." I think that naughty old Peaseblossom was playing a trick, making my fingers do something other than what my brain told them to do. Such a tease and mischief maker, that Peaseblossom!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Nov 05 - 09:43 AM

Ah, our Toothless Wonder!


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