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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 13 Nov 05 - 10:45 AM
Rapparee 13 Nov 05 - 10:31 AM
Amos 13 Nov 05 - 10:15 AM
Rapparee 13 Nov 05 - 09:52 AM
Acme 13 Nov 05 - 09:43 AM
Rapparee 13 Nov 05 - 09:34 AM
Acme 12 Nov 05 - 11:15 PM
Rapparee 12 Nov 05 - 08:41 PM
Amos 12 Nov 05 - 08:35 PM
Rapparee 12 Nov 05 - 07:29 PM
Rapparee 12 Nov 05 - 11:15 AM
Acme 12 Nov 05 - 10:06 AM
Amos 12 Nov 05 - 09:56 AM
Acme 12 Nov 05 - 09:38 AM
Rapparee 12 Nov 05 - 08:04 AM
Acme 11 Nov 05 - 10:09 PM
Rapparee 11 Nov 05 - 08:53 PM
Little Hawk 11 Nov 05 - 06:56 PM
Amos 11 Nov 05 - 03:54 PM
Acme 11 Nov 05 - 12:27 PM
Rapparee 11 Nov 05 - 11:56 AM
Little Hawk 11 Nov 05 - 11:51 AM
MMario 11 Nov 05 - 10:29 AM
Amos 11 Nov 05 - 09:45 AM
Rapparee 11 Nov 05 - 09:21 AM
Rapparee 10 Nov 05 - 06:52 PM
Amos 10 Nov 05 - 05:45 PM
Amos 10 Nov 05 - 05:09 PM
Rapparee 10 Nov 05 - 04:48 PM
Amos 10 Nov 05 - 04:09 PM
MMario 10 Nov 05 - 11:39 AM
Rapparee 10 Nov 05 - 11:37 AM
MMario 10 Nov 05 - 11:33 AM
Rapparee 10 Nov 05 - 11:16 AM
MMario 10 Nov 05 - 10:54 AM
Acme 10 Nov 05 - 10:26 AM
Amos 10 Nov 05 - 09:55 AM
Rapparee 10 Nov 05 - 09:02 AM
Acme 10 Nov 05 - 12:14 AM
Amos 09 Nov 05 - 11:23 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 09 Nov 05 - 07:05 PM
Amos 09 Nov 05 - 06:48 PM
Little Hawk 09 Nov 05 - 06:29 PM
Acme 09 Nov 05 - 05:55 PM
Rapparee 09 Nov 05 - 05:52 PM
Bunnahabhain 09 Nov 05 - 05:20 PM
Rapparee 09 Nov 05 - 03:52 PM
MMario 09 Nov 05 - 03:44 PM
Rapparee 09 Nov 05 - 03:41 PM
Amos 09 Nov 05 - 03:26 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Nov 05 - 10:45 AM

That's a bit hard on, Woody -- can't you show a little more tolerance for them fairies?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Nov 05 - 10:31 AM

I've had to collect Peaseblossom. She was such a tease and a flirt, too. But when I caught her and Mucklemush engaged in a little touchy-feely-make-my-toes-curl it was simply too much, so I dropped an Unabridged dictionary on the two of them while they were flagrante delicto, so to speak.

Besides, they were sipping "nectar" from my liquor cabinet.

I think I'll have to get a new dictionary.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Nov 05 - 10:15 AM

Ah, our walking Woody!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Nov 05 - 09:52 AM

I don't eat liver or kale or any of those foods that contain iron and I don't take iron pills, either. My fencing epees are bronze or wood, and my car is, after extensive modifications, completely wooden. I am doing my best to eliminate iron from my body, but I get so very, very tired when I start to succeed!

Oh, yes. That one word was supposed to be "sucHlike" and not "sucKlike." I think that naughty old Peaseblossom was playing a trick, making my fingers do something other than what my brain told them to do. Such a tease and mischief maker, that Peaseblossom!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Nov 05 - 09:43 AM

Ah, our Toothless Wonder!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Nov 05 - 09:34 AM

When I got my hat I had all of my teeth pulled. Sure, everyone calls me "Gummy Bear" and sucklike names, but I don't care. I never wear iron or steel either, because the faeries don't like iron and steel. If I wore iron or steel neither Dewdrop nor Hyacinth would visit me and tell me about Things and Oberon and Titania wouldn't tell me what to do either and Puck wouldn't dance for me out on the lawn in the dewy Spring.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Nov 05 - 11:15 PM

Yeah, but you forgot about those dental fillings. They've been monitoring your thoughts for years--and also kept track of your cholesterol and blood pressure.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Nov 05 - 08:41 PM

Which is precisely why I don't wear one. I don't even own one.

Mine is a nifty little yamulke type that Larshui-2 of Carnis IV made for me a couple years ago in its workshop in L'fit. Top of the line: the government can't monitor my thought or control my actions anytmore. And most importantly, it doesn't drown out the voices!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Nov 05 - 08:35 PM

In other news:

Empirical Study
>
> On the Effectiveness of Aluminium Foil Helmets: An Empirical Study
>
> Ali Rahimi1, Ben Recht 2, Jason Taylor 2, Noah Vawter 2
>
> 1: Electrical Engineering and Computer Science department, MIT.
> 2: Media Laboratory, MIT.
>
>
>
> Abstract
>
> Among a fringe community of paranoids, aluminum helmets serve as
> the protective measure of choice against invasive radio
> signals. We investigate the efficacy of three aluminum helmet
> designs on a sample group of four individuals. Using a $250,000
> network analyser, we find that although on average all helmets
> attenuate invasive radio frequencies in either directions (either
> emanating from an outside source, or emanating from the cranium
> of the subject), certain frequencies are in fact greatly
> amplified. These amplified frequencies coincide with radio bands
> reserved for government use according to the Federal
> Communication Commission (FCC). Statistical evidence suggests the
> use of helmets may in fact enhance the government's invasive
> abilities. We speculate that the government may in fact have
> started the helmet craze for this reason.
>
>


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Nov 05 - 07:29 PM

Thrice the brindled cat hath mewed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Nov 05 - 11:15 AM

Transumbilical? How, pray tell, does that relate to the other incisions?

Friend of mine didn't have a navel (or, for you doctors, a belly button and for you car mechanics, an umbilicus). Anyway, he didn't have one. He was born with it, naturally, but it eventually disappeared completely. He was "presented" at several medical schools, but no surgeon or physician could explain the case. Finally, a psychiatrist, a strict Freudian, used psychoanalysis to determine that there was no medical or biological cause, but rather that the guy had the most complete case of rejection of mother in the medical history.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Nov 05 - 10:06 AM

I thought so too!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Nov 05 - 09:56 AM

Stily, there will be a firm letter arriving shortly from Fra. Sanctifus Mammarus of the Executive Council, decrying the posting of images such as the one you chose. Not because of the rather beautiful divine curves shown therein but because of the cruel mockery imposed by the textual overlays. Incisions! On such divine manifestations? Jesus wept.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Nov 05 - 09:38 AM

Breasts. I would have posted the google search on the word, but smack at the top is a horrible breast cancer photo. It hurts to look at it. In stead, I'm posting a link to a photo of a woman who is apparently in great need of a nip and a tuck (not).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Nov 05 - 08:04 AM

As they used to say to a friend of mine, "Erin, go braless."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 10:09 PM

Hmmm. I guess this topic is a bust.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 08:53 PM

Au contraire, mon vieux! Parrots, chickens, turkeys, swans, herons, and other birds all have breasts. I am enjoying a chicken breast right now, in fact. You really should keept abreast of times -- even the military has breastworks.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 06:56 PM

That's fine, but parrots do not wear bras. Neither do they have breasts. Bear that in mind.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 03:54 PM

The only reason the Temple has not issued a fatwah is that, indeed, the fuzziness provides warmth to the hands. This is not, of course, a significant benefit here in Southern California...but the Temple is universal in its quest for transcendental perfection.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 12:27 PM

I predict the fuzzy bra will be a non-starter. It's meant to insulate one part of the anatomy that is already, by design, more than adequately insulated. My hands, head, and neck can use the extra warmth, but extra insulation for boobs and butts, that's overkill. IMHO.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 11:56 AM

Polly Andre? My dinner with Polly Andre? Gender confusion?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 11:51 AM

There has been an epidemic of polyandry afflicting the parrot population for years now. I'm surprised Oprah has not looked into it and done a show.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 10:29 AM

polyedgar would be much more appropriate.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 09:45 AM

You miss the point, good Rapaire. What might be sacriligious is turning responsibility for the creation of warm fuzzy feelings in Sacred Mammaries over to a polyester artifact.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Nov 05 - 09:21 AM

Happy Day, Mom.

If anyone is a veteran, a combat veteran no less!, deserving of the highest possible awards for valor and service above & beyond, it's you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Nov 05 - 06:52 PM

How can anything that provides such warm fuzzies be sacrilegious? Must religion be cold and unyielding?

Dammit man! John Calvin simply doesn't belong in the Temple!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Nov 05 - 05:45 PM

The Temple executive council has informed me they are considering the possibility of a demonstration in Tokyo, due to the relase there of a new winter undergarment, the Warm Fuzzy Bra.

We think this might be sacriligious, but we are current doing some exploratory tests. A minority of the brothers think that it might enhance the religious experience.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Nov 05 - 05:09 PM

"I suspect that even if a dynamic physics model suggests cow tipping is possible, the biology ultimately gets in the way: A cow is simply not a rigid, unresponding body."

-- University of British Columbia zoologist Tracy Boechler says cow tipping may owe its difficulties as much to Newton's second law of motion as the intoxication of the participants.




A good thing we got that new flooring, with all this tap-dancing going on, Rap. First you say entropy is ineluctable and then you say except for Aunti Entropy. First you say you will, and then you won't, then you say you do, and then you don't... The secret is that entropy is ineluctable in uninhabited systems. Once someone takes up residence, all bets are off.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Nov 05 - 04:48 PM

See? Your entropy increased to the point where it reversed itself. That's called, scientifically, "Aunty Entropy" or just "Aunty En" for short. You'll find yourself muttering "Aunty En! Aunty En!" in your sleep soon, Amos.

Immediately thereafter a house will fall upon you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Nov 05 - 04:09 PM

Entropy only increases until some wise-ass interferes. I was well on my way to building a perfect Temple to Entropy in my office, with disorder and disspation of energy growing more and more overwhelming, and then we had to have new floors put in. Bang! There goes the old entropy. New order, new energy, pockity-pockity-pock, and ten years of energy-leveling goes down the old tuberoonies. Go figger.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 10 Nov 05 - 11:39 AM

see? the rule is there ain't no rules!

gluon proves it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Nov 05 - 11:37 AM

Entropy always increases. It will increase until entropy itself has become entropic. At that point I suspect that entropy will begin to decrease and will continue to do so until everything is frozen perfection, at which point entropy will begin again to increase.

Unless, of course, Gluon gets loose. Again. Then all bets are off, because you can NEVER tell what Gluon will drag home.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 10 Nov 05 - 11:33 AM

But life wouldn't exist if the second law of thermodynamics could be circumvented or at least blocked and delayed. So the general rule that there ain't no rule applies to the exceptions - of which there are a lot!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Nov 05 - 11:16 AM

Second Law of Thermodynamics.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 10 Nov 05 - 10:54 AM

well of course Apparently the rule is that there is no rule! After all - Max said so in relation to BS: threads back in what, '99? And as Shambles has told us over and over that applies to everything!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Nov 05 - 10:26 AM

Apparently the rule is that there is no rule!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Nov 05 - 09:55 AM

It amazes me how tangled up these stories get, sometimes--Miller's being a case in point. Joe Wilson's tale, which seemed pretty direct, now is being laden with red herrings and polecat odors by the rabid right-wing talking points trying to generate an alternative reality.

I can't blame them, I like generating alternative realities. But I thought there were rules about it....

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Nov 05 - 09:02 AM

Judith Miller -- didn't she play backup bodhran for "Karl Rove and the Bushmen?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Nov 05 - 12:14 AM

Okay, here's something news; Judith Miller "retired" today.

Film at 11.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 11:23 PM

Oh, wow! C'moooon maaaan. Tell me sump'n NEW!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 07:05 PM

We all have such a time machine already, Amos. It's called "the mind". Most people (and apes) that I know are livin' either in the past or the future most of the time. That makes 'em far less effective in the present, and they keep repeatin' themselves pointlessly. We are all time travellers. You think about the past obsessively, man, and you are there. Take a look at the Middle East, and you'll see exactly how it works.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 06:48 PM

In other news an Israeli physicist proposes a new and more elegant approach for creating a time machine. Highly recommended for those of you who find themselves stuck in the sorrows of yesteryear! You can go back and interrupt the conversations where you made those major errors and shift things toward the better, brighter, more rewarding, more enlightened, and more remunerative.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 06:29 PM

We need more stuff about chimps on this thread. A lot more. And hamsters. Chimps and hamsters. Yeah.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 05:55 PM

It was excruciating to get that last 100 posts, and now there is a case of verbal diarrhea going on like nobody's business! Sheesh! Mom, you should be proud of these boys. They're living up to your name!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 05:52 PM

I long ago jumped the sword, the broom, and such things. One time is plenty, and as they used to ask, "Isn't one wife enough?"

Besides, 99.9% of the Mormons are monogamous.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 05:20 PM

Well, I suppose that will mean it sees more use than the traditional cermonial food use of swords, ie wedding cakes. This is supposing you're not about to become a Mormon just for the thrill of lots of weddings....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 03:52 PM

My small sword will look something like this. Only nicer.

I believe I shall use it for cutting cheese.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 03:44 PM

ah yes, challenge! #54 - I remember it well - I never did finish my submission.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 03:41 PM

Here is a drawing of me. (I'm the one on the horse.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 03:26 PM

Rapaire:

"On the Internet, no-one knows you're a dog...".

I think we have uncovered you at last!! Either you are a juvenile posing as an adult (which would explain many things!) or the Song Challenge crowd ran into one of your cousins or nephews back in 2001:

The Case of the Cheerio Highwayman -- TACOMA, Washington (AP) -- Seven-yeaar-old Perley King got into big trouble for driving off in his sister's car in search of his favorite cereal. But he's getting his Cheerios. Early on April 1, while other family members slept, Perley and his dog, Bear, climbed into the car. Relying on skills learned at a computer game, the boy drove three miles in search of a food store. In his drive to fame, Perley navigated some of the city's busiest streets by alternately stepping on the gas pedal, then climbing on the seat to steer, chugging along toward the food store. The spin landed Perley in hot water, but also earned him television appearances and buckets of newspaper ink. His single-minded devotion to his favorite breakfast cereal will also have material rewards. Representatives from Minnesota-based General Mills planned to visit Perley, his parents, Dwayne and Jeanne King, and six brothers and sisters at their Tacoma home this week. It means Perley can look forward to a year's supply of Cheerios and other surprises. He also may receive a new bicycle. "So he'll never have to drive to the store again," said General Mills spokeswoman Liv Lane.


The Highwaytot

I
The sun was a glow on the treeline, the wind blew gentle and low,
The windows of town were still darkened, looking out on the streets below.
Down the road like a spectre at dawning, propped up on his tippy-toes,
Young Perley King came driving,
Driving, driving!
Young Perley King came driving, looking for Cheerios.

II
He wore blue Mickey Mouse pajamas, with buttons up to his chin
And a pair of Pluto slippers, made out of bunny-skin;
And his face carried never a wrinkle; he drove without care in the cold!
And he drove that '60 Chevy,
His father's rebuilt Chevy!
Yes he drove his father's Chevy,
Though less than eight years old,

III
Over the sidewalk he rambled, then steer'd through a neighbor's yard,
Then he'd jump off the seat to the pedals, and rev the engine hard,
He sang "Sesame Street" in the morning, and who should be listn'ing there?
But Perley's brave companion,
Lifelong and true companion,
His brave, lifelong companion,
A halfbreed mutt called Bear.

IV
And dark in musky dawning, a gleam in the dusky night
He saw a shopping center, with Albertson's on the right;
Though the doors were barred and the lights turned low,
His heart forebore to wait,
He must open up the market,
The dim-lit shut down market!
So he opened up the market,
With his father's flathead-eight.

V
Then the glass it flew like a hurricane,
The canned goods flew from their rows,
But he never stopped or stumbled,
Looking for Cheerios.
With his life-long friend behind him,
His back-flap blowing free,
He climbed down out of that Chevy,
The bruised and broken Chevy,
Clambered down from the ancient Chevy,
And headed for Aisle Three!

VI
When the manager got there that morning,
With the blue flashing lights at his back,
The officers guarding the squadcar,
And the shop window laid to wrack,
Down the corridors softly they sought him,
Their guns at the ready and warm!
'Til they found young Perley sleeping,
Curled up, and softly sleeping,
They found young Perley sleeping
With Bear underneath his arm.

VII
There were open boxes around them,
There were spilled Cheerios by the score
And between old Bear and the highway tot,
They had eaten three pounds or more!
So he lay there asleep on the market floor,
And they shook him and called him in vain!
For he'd overdosed on sugar
Sweet, nice sugar!
He'd flooded his blood with sugar,
'Til the insulin fried his brain!

VIII
But sometimes, they say, in the dawn time,
When the moonlight still kisses the rose,
Like the shade of a thought you can see him,
As down the road he goes!
With his honest companion beside him,
Propped up on his tippy-toes,
You can see young Perley driving,
His spirit comes a-driving!!
You can see young Perley driving
And looking for Cheerios.




Regards, young sprat -- you clearly have the Right Stuffe!


A


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