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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 29 Aug 05 - 04:06 PM
Amos 29 Aug 05 - 03:22 PM
Little Hawk 29 Aug 05 - 01:46 PM
Amos 29 Aug 05 - 01:08 PM
Rapparee 29 Aug 05 - 12:27 PM
Amos 29 Aug 05 - 11:03 AM
Acme 29 Aug 05 - 11:00 AM
Rapparee 29 Aug 05 - 09:18 AM
Amos 28 Aug 05 - 11:41 PM
Acme 28 Aug 05 - 11:20 PM
Little Hawk 28 Aug 05 - 09:01 PM
Amos 28 Aug 05 - 08:00 PM
Bunnahabhain 28 Aug 05 - 07:35 PM
Little Hawk 28 Aug 05 - 07:23 PM
Acme 28 Aug 05 - 07:06 PM
Rapparee 28 Aug 05 - 04:30 PM
Amos 28 Aug 05 - 12:32 PM
JennyO 28 Aug 05 - 11:23 AM
Bunnahabhain 28 Aug 05 - 11:05 AM
Acme 28 Aug 05 - 10:51 AM
JennyO 28 Aug 05 - 10:18 AM
GUEST,freds 28 Aug 05 - 09:35 AM
Rapparee 28 Aug 05 - 09:23 AM
Rapparee 28 Aug 05 - 09:21 AM
Little Hawk 28 Aug 05 - 02:14 AM
Acme 28 Aug 05 - 01:30 AM
Little Hawk 27 Aug 05 - 11:59 PM
Acme 27 Aug 05 - 11:19 PM
Rapparee 27 Aug 05 - 11:11 PM
Acme 27 Aug 05 - 05:41 PM
Acme 27 Aug 05 - 05:39 PM
jpk 27 Aug 05 - 04:24 PM
Acme 27 Aug 05 - 01:50 PM
Amos 27 Aug 05 - 01:08 PM
Acme 27 Aug 05 - 12:12 PM
Acme 27 Aug 05 - 12:26 AM
*daylia* 26 Aug 05 - 07:31 PM
Rapparee 26 Aug 05 - 03:37 PM
Acme 26 Aug 05 - 03:01 PM
Rapparee 26 Aug 05 - 11:53 AM
MMario 26 Aug 05 - 11:14 AM
Amos 26 Aug 05 - 11:03 AM
Acme 26 Aug 05 - 10:13 AM
Rapparee 26 Aug 05 - 09:47 AM
Amos 26 Aug 05 - 09:34 AM
MMario 26 Aug 05 - 08:22 AM
Acme 25 Aug 05 - 11:28 PM
Rapparee 25 Aug 05 - 09:13 PM
Acme 25 Aug 05 - 04:35 PM
MMario 25 Aug 05 - 02:38 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Aug 05 - 04:06 PM

Sir,

If I have the honour of addressing a gentleman, and I must assume that I do, I will accept you word that do not own a thesaurus in any form, print, electronic, or otherwise. Likewise I will require that you accept my word that neither I nor any member of my family are now or have ever been a "codwallop."

Should you not be able to do this, I will ask Mr. Little Hawk to call upon you as required by the American , Irish, , and French Codes Duello.

I hope that we might arrive at a mutually satisfactory solution.


Your humble servant,
Rapaire


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Aug 05 - 03:22 PM

Good sir Hawke:

I delight in knowing that you possess such an artifact; I request you place it within your personal sphere, in a location analagous to that in which you have lately implied my non-existant thesaurus was to be found, so that it does not suffer deterioration by the incidence of ordinary daylight. I would appreciate phtoographic evidence of your cooperation with this informal invitation on my part concerning the disposition of the CD in question among your own parts.

Eh?????????


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Aug 05 - 01:46 PM

This is great. Almost as good as Twillingsgate. We should get Ms Penelope to fly over and wave her hankie as the signal for the bold combatants to open fire, draw swords, or whatever...

Stilly, I already have that CD, but thanks for the thought, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Aug 05 - 01:08 PM

Sir:

Should you find it possible to seek release of your obviously generous thermal endowment elsewhere, I would urge you to do so before reconsidering your hasty conclusion. The Lie Direct, Sirrah, was your own, impugning my capacity for boundless BS through the falsely implied use of such artifices as a Thesaurus. Thus, you presented a severe affront and disservice, implying that my product of BS is other than fresh-grown, organically generated and the product of rivch and fertile thought.

Therefore, kindly seek a cooler spot and think again; I will exchange with you at your request a reciprocal withdrawal of language, agreeing you are no codwallop in exchange for your recognition that I keep no thesaurus handy.

Should you, in your over-gifted caloric state, decide not to agree to this civil offer, sir, I can only say that I will meet you as you request on the field of honor, in the unlikely event that yuou prove able to locate the same.

Your sincere friend,


Amos


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Aug 05 - 12:27 PM

Codwallop?! CODWALLOP?!?!?!?!!

Sir, you have given the Lie Direct; in short, Sir, I state that I am not now and have never been a "codwallop," and no one in my family was ever such. I cannot, of course, speak for yours.

You have impugned my honour with your statement and I feel that there is no recourse but to expunge the insult with your blood. Should you refuse me this, I will post you as a cowardly bushwacker, a lying rattlesnake, and a clattermonger

My second, Mr. Little Hawk, will call upon you.

And so I remain,

Your friend,

Rapaire


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Aug 05 - 11:03 AM

I don't have a thesaurus, you codwallop! I have an education!

I accept your terms, however.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Aug 05 - 11:00 AM

6. The party of the first part will agree that the party of the second part is without doubt the ne plus ultra, the top of the hill, the sine qua non, the top, the best, of all Mudcatters, and the party of the second part will do likewise for the party of the first part.


I guess logic wasn't high on your list of things to study, eh, Rapaire? You're going to let these two go along thinking each is the top, when by the definition of the very concepts you promote, they can't both be top. One would have to be penultimate.

And why should these two get to fight over that honor, anyway? There are a few others who might like to stand in line for that acknowledgement of BS aggrandizement.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Aug 05 - 09:18 AM

You want pretentious verbosity, Amos? Don't tempt me. You insult Canada's greatest export at your peril.

Pretentious verbosity is Canada's greatest export?

LH is tempted to be pretentiously verbose?

Amos desires pretentious verbosity, and if so, why?

Gad! You entertain guests (my very own blood kin nephew, no less!) and the next time you drop in at Mom's LH and Amos are doing very confusing things and shouting at each other about them.

There will never be peace until all parties can communicate freely and openly, with mutual understanding and trust. Therefore, I propose the Amos and LH, without coercion, in the spirit of the mature, thinking, adults that they are, agree to the following:

1. There will be free and open bilateral inspections;
2. Both sides will reduce the number of their thesaurii over a period of years until neither has any;
3. The thesaurii liberated by this reduction in books will be donated to and held in trust for the general good at their local public libraries;
4. Neither party will in the future obtain, by any means written, electronic, or yet to be invented, a thesaurus or similar work;
5. Each will, upon demand, open their complete personal libraries to UN inspectors;
6. The party of the first part will agree that the party of the second part is without doubt the ne plus ultra, the top of the hill, the sine qua non, the top, the best, of all Mudcatters, and the party of the second part will do likewise for the party of the first part.

And should either party fail to agree to any of these provisions for a better world, the Idaho Legion will be authorized to take whatever steps are deemed by the Legion to be necessary, from the use of nuclear, chemical, and biological weapons up to and including the consumption of all the beer in Canada or wine in California.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Aug 05 - 11:41 PM

NEver mind, you hoser. Get a brew, eh!! ??? Chill, like.


Eh?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Aug 05 - 11:20 PM

Save the bare knuckles for MOAB number poachers.

Little Hawk, get out your copy of Spaced Out: The Best of Leonard Nimoy and William Shatner and chill out!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Aug 05 - 09:01 PM

Oh, you've, like, done it now, eh? The gloves are comin' off, eh? Just you wait.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Aug 05 - 08:00 PM

Canada's greatest export?    Last I heard it was furs. Followed by Bruce Murdoch, followed by Gordon Lightfoot.

I have never insulted any of 'em EH? Eh? Eh?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 28 Aug 05 - 07:35 PM

OK Little Hawk, IT'S WAR!!!

Maple syrup is as as tastless as Budweiser!

Icehocky is a game for poofs in armor! Real men figh like this!

And Canada produces Inferior Quality Beaver!

Hows that for an opening broadside?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Aug 05 - 07:23 PM

Amos's thesaurus is rammed so far up his rear end that he can't talk like a normal person any longer.

Two can play at that game. You want pretentious verbosity, Amos? Don't tempt me. You insult Canada's greatest export at your peril.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Aug 05 - 07:06 PM

He took a nap at his desk on top of the book and the words seeped in. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Aug 05 - 04:30 PM

Found your thesaurus, did you Amos?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Aug 05 - 12:32 PM

Plebeian, pedestrian, jejeune, callow, dull, uninspired, cattarhythmic, microcephalic meanderings about a fat Canadian are below the high-set finely tuned quality standards of excellence here, I believe.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 28 Aug 05 - 11:23 AM

Starts with an S. Hmmm.

Could it be - Sh........iitake Mushroom!

Well, he has a long stalk, which makes him a fun-gi to be with :-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 28 Aug 05 - 11:05 AM

Come on now, let's be sensible. Little Hawks' mystery person begins with a S.

Shakespear


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Aug 05 - 10:51 AM

We can always live with the hope that one day it will be someone else. Stravinski or Sullivan (minus Gilbert) or (most sublime) Shakespeare. He must have been a fun guy to hang around with.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 28 Aug 05 - 10:18 AM

Zaphod Beeblebrox??


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 28 Aug 05 - 09:35 AM

Our labrador has been keeping an eye on the Reapere. Sheithe has been very busy! We will, I think, borrow some of itshehe's dioxyribonucleic acid later today or tomorrow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Aug 05 - 09:23 AM

Bob Dole?

George Bush I?

Tony Blair?

George Coventry?

Amos?

Lazarus Long?

Veronica Rutledge?

The Late Debby Earl?


C'mon, give us a clue!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Aug 05 - 09:21 AM

Me?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Aug 05 - 02:14 AM

Oh, come now. You can't say that you don't know who I mean? Who is the most fun guy around? Who is Mr Congeniality incarnate? Who does goofy TV ads when business is slow (or even when it isn't)? Who rates big with alien girls on Arcturus 5? Who, I ask you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Aug 05 - 01:30 AM

Give us a couple of more letters, LH.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 11:59 PM

S------ is more fun.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 11:19 PM

You have your hands full. Let us send Gluon up your way--he can at least whirl through the back lawn (okay, okay, it'll be singed down to a scorched earth look, but it's that time of year anyway).

You might want to hire someone with goats to do the front lawn, just to avoid the embarrassement of the fire department having to come put it out, were Gluon to work it over.

I hope Pat has her repaired (or new) glasses by now. I think I'd go nuts if I couldn't get out to do anything AND I couldn't see to sit quitely and read.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 11:11 PM

I cut the grass. About 2/3rds of the way through the cable for the self-propelled control snapped. I had to push the thing. The grass was over a foot long, and wet on the bottom. I am stiff, sore, and still have to take care of Pat.

She is going to an orthopod and the dentist on Monday whether she likes it or not.

Tomorrow nephew John arrives. He is carrying, I understand, my electric train (my first Christmas present!), my old epees (French grips), and various other things from the family Back East. Right now he's in Sidney, Nebraska -- Cabela's is there (www.cabelas.com). You'd never guess that he was a hunter and fisherman....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 05:41 PM

I'll have to give Gluon good directions. From the same search, I wouldn't want to end up here. You can hardly see the water for the people. Yuck!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 05:39 PM

Get in line, JPK. . .

I want to escape this heat! This place looks good. Send Gluon around to zap me to this place, please. I'd like to be back in time for dinner, but a couple of hours here would be a nice pick-me-up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: jpk
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 04:24 PM

t'aint been here fore
it's all bunure anywho[bs]
an i want #10,000


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 01:50 PM

Yeah, but I don't want to overdo it and break the pipe behind the spigot. I think I need TWO wrenches, one to stablilize the back and one to try the faucet again. For now I have the water back on and my faucets still work (even if they're drippy) after having been monkeyed with. Sometimes that in itself is a blessing!

It's supposed to hit 102 today. I'm out of the yard plumbing business until early in the morning again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 01:08 PM

Wrench, plus WD40, plus dogged persistence. If needed add a pipe tot he wrench handle for leverage.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 12:12 PM

Well, shoot. I got up early and dug up my water cutoff and re-positioned the concrete box so I can now turn it on and off (the ball valve handle wouldn't rotate far enough to turn off the water). But I can't get the old spigots on the house to cooperate. Soaking them with vinegar doesn't even loosen the crusty stuff holding them on. I need Gluon here to zap those old stuck fittings so I can replace the washers. I don't want to start replacing faucets--that involves holes in walls, from what I can tell. Arrrrggh! (Plumbers cost SO MUCH--but I may have to bite this bullet).

How's Mrs. D. feeling today, Rap? Is the swelling down yet? And I imagine that hand is now purple, yellow, green, blue, all the colors of the rainbow?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 12:26 AM

over me obe m bovvmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Have you been inhaling a little too close to your wife's bottle of painkillers?

A quick roll across the grass will take care of those ants. (It's what we do down here when confronted with lots of fire ants). Declaring yourself independent of those little buggers would be a good thing to do. Just because you're in Idaho doesn't mean they won't reach you. Just wait. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: *daylia*
Date: 26 Aug 05 - 07:31 PM

REAL men use poison ivy leaves -- there was a REAL man in my Boy Scout Troop. One. Once. I haven't met a REAL man since....

Would the REAL men here please stand up?

*sigh* what's the species coming too...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Aug 05 - 03:37 PM

Okay, I did that. Now I'm into hyperventilation. Oxygen narcosis! Wow! It's groovy, man, like far out, yaknow? And no green ants crawling over me over me obe m bovvmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Aug 05 - 03:01 PM

You might be. It sounded a lot like the verbage offered at a funeral I attended this morning (husband of a co-worker). Take a couple of deep breaths and see what happens.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Aug 05 - 11:53 AM

Amos, I have never before read such stirring, soul-felt words.

My eyes water and I have to blow my nose. I am touched, deeply touched, by your gut-wrenching words.

I have but two questions arising from this classic:

1. What does the phrase tot he proposition mean?

2. Am I dead now?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 26 Aug 05 - 11:14 AM

MOAB Declaration of Independence



When in the Course of forum events, it becomes necessary for one thread to dissolve the HTML bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the web, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of posters requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all threads are created equal, that they are endowed by their original Poster with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are continued growth, Liberty to drift and the pursuit of Happiness for all readers. --That to secure these rights, Moderators are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the MAX, --That whenever any Form of editing becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the MAX to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new moderation, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its clones in such form, as to MAX shall seem most likely to effect Thread Safety and Happiness.

Prudence, indeed, will dictate that procedures long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that posters are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the arguments to which they are accustomed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Aug 05 - 11:03 AM

Nine thousand and twenty-seven post ago, our ffounder brought forth on this forum, a new Thread, conceived in bull and dedicated tot he proposition that all other threads were created equal except this one.

Now we are engaged in a great civil lull, testing whether that thread -- or ANY thread, and so dedicated-- can long endure. We are met on the last post so far to that thread. We have come to dedicate a portion of that thread, as a final resting place for more of the bull from they who here gave their brains and hearts to seeing that thread survive. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this thread. The brave writers, wise and otherwise, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we do here, but it can never forget what they have said here, I suppose. It is for us the BSing, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who wrote here have thus far so nobly advanced.

It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored posts we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these BSers shall not have written in vain -- that this thread, under Max, shall have a new birth of better bull-- and that BS of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the Cat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Aug 05 - 10:13 AM

I know it's unkind to chuckle, but I see that she has retained her sense of humor. Don't want to leave a stain on the driveway. :)

Sprains can be more trouble than breaks, and it sounds like she has a doozy in that hand. Since close work on the quilts is out for the time being, find something on a large scale that can be entertaining. Perhaps taking up some of Debussy's piano music for the left hand?

If she gets really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really bored, you could download the ENTIRE Mother of All BS thread and let her read it from the very beginning.

Hmmmm. That might not be allowed under the Geneva Convention. Cruel and Unusual Punishment.

You be the judge.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Aug 05 - 09:47 AM

Well, she survived thyroid cancer at 17 and a whole bunch of other stuff (including me). She's tough, she is.

Her right hand is now swollen, stiff, green, and black -- but not broken. Her upper lip is a fright. Her knees are stiff (but not broken). Her glasses are in the shop. I got the blood out of her shirt and washed the driveway ("I see I left a stain," she said). Now it's Rest Ice Compression Elevation time -- and ibuprofen.

My nephew, John, starts West for a visit tomorrow. Boy, is HE gonna get a surprise when he sees his Aunt!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Aug 05 - 09:34 AM

A bullet that misses is a blessing indeed, eh?

Give her a gentle hug from all yer MoAB buddies, Rap and our wishes for speedy healing.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 26 Aug 05 - 08:22 AM

All our best to Mrs. Rapaire!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 11:28 PM

Sorry to hear about that, Rap! Now give that kindhearted woman (she must be, considering the kind of BS you manage to contribute on this thread, to say nothing of the hazard of all of those guns and swords in her household!) something to chuckle about and follow the link I posted at 4:35.

When it's bed time, find a hot water bottle and fill it with ice and wrap it in a hand towel, to have handy for any aching appendages.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 09:13 PM

Well, instead of going back to work this afternoon I took my wife to Urgent Care.

I left work, picked up lunch for the two of us, and brought it home. The guy who does the sprinklers came round (we've been having problems) and in the course of discussing things, she walked across two concrete pads. She caught her foot and fell.

Her nose was bleeding, her lips were bleeding, and she couldn't feel her fingers on the right hand. I called 911.

Turns out that there was nothing broken (except an old crown in her mouth). Her right hand was xrayed, and it's okay -- soft tissue trauma, and we've got ice on it. Her glasses were scraped on the concrete, which did the lenses no good, but the optical shop is going to take care of that.

Right now, she's shaken and holding icepacks in her right hand to her lip.

She looks like I beat her, but as she said, if I had I wouldn't have been able to drive her to the Urgent Care center since corpses can't driver, even in Idaho.

She's also saying how lucky she was. No fractures, and people there to take call for help.

It was a lousy afternoon. I'd rather have gone to work.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 04:35 PM

And none of us can type accurately.


Okay. It's time for everyone to clean the inside of your computer monitor.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 25 Aug 05 - 02:38 PM

STUPID men us poison ivy. REAL stupid men.


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