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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

GUEST,MMario 13 Apr 05 - 02:05 PM
Amos 13 Apr 05 - 02:00 PM
Teresa 13 Apr 05 - 01:27 PM
rumanci 13 Apr 05 - 01:24 PM
Rapparee 13 Apr 05 - 01:21 PM
Rapparee 13 Apr 05 - 01:18 PM
GUEST,MMario 13 Apr 05 - 01:07 PM
Amos 13 Apr 05 - 01:04 PM
GUEST,MMario 13 Apr 05 - 12:23 PM
Acme 13 Apr 05 - 12:07 PM
Amos 13 Apr 05 - 09:51 AM
GUEST 13 Apr 05 - 09:38 AM
Amos 13 Apr 05 - 09:36 AM
Rapparee 13 Apr 05 - 09:32 AM
Amos 13 Apr 05 - 09:22 AM
Rapparee 13 Apr 05 - 09:03 AM
Acme 12 Apr 05 - 11:05 PM
Amos 12 Apr 05 - 08:48 PM
Rapparee 12 Apr 05 - 08:34 PM
Acme 12 Apr 05 - 12:21 PM
Rapparee 12 Apr 05 - 08:45 AM
Amos 12 Apr 05 - 07:47 AM
Acme 12 Apr 05 - 12:59 AM
Rapparee 11 Apr 05 - 07:02 PM
Amos 11 Apr 05 - 02:15 PM
Rapparee 11 Apr 05 - 11:38 AM
Acme 11 Apr 05 - 11:20 AM
Amos 11 Apr 05 - 10:42 AM
Acme 11 Apr 05 - 10:23 AM
Rapparee 11 Apr 05 - 08:27 AM
Rapparee 11 Apr 05 - 08:22 AM
GUEST,Janet Lennon 10 Apr 05 - 10:04 PM
GUEST,The Little Voices 10 Apr 05 - 08:26 PM
GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell 10 Apr 05 - 04:48 PM
Acme 10 Apr 05 - 04:02 PM
Amos 10 Apr 05 - 10:44 AM
GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell 10 Apr 05 - 10:05 AM
Acme 10 Apr 05 - 12:13 AM
GUEST,Amos 09 Apr 05 - 02:02 PM
Rapparee 09 Apr 05 - 01:08 PM
Acme 09 Apr 05 - 12:21 PM
Amos 09 Apr 05 - 12:39 AM
Amos 08 Apr 05 - 08:15 PM
Rapparee 08 Apr 05 - 07:44 PM
GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell 08 Apr 05 - 06:06 PM
Amos 08 Apr 05 - 05:59 PM
Rapparee 08 Apr 05 - 05:13 PM
GUEST,Bunnahabhain 08 Apr 05 - 04:27 PM
Rapparee 08 Apr 05 - 12:33 PM
GUEST,Stilly River Sage 08 Apr 05 - 10:12 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 02:05 PM

isn't Rap too far north for Cane? Bee-dubya could have mistaken the white cane for a hurricane and been trying to reduce it to a mere topical disturbance


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 02:00 PM

I don't think it was BWL, Tee. He lives down by the Brazos River where it runs into the Everglades, you know. And there ain't no cane down on the Brazos.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Teresa
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 01:27 PM

Yes, I was almost literally kidnapped by Shatner in the guise of Captain Kirk of the U.S.S. Enterprise. Last time that happened I really was away from the 'cat for almost five years. But Mom, I'm home again. I was away on various imaginary galactic travels, including audio files I found of Star trek. When things like this happen, I put my energy into them for a time.

Such is my way. I'm a mysterious Scorpio nomad. But my email is very reliable, and I always write back, so those who have or want it can contact me. I promise to check my PMs once a day, too. Really, no, no, I am touched. I like to be a strange one, but not too much of a stranger. I like my hidey-hole.

Now that rapaire has admitted to gradually sawing at my white cane ... ok, ok, he didn't admit it; he tried to blame Bee-Dubya. Ah, such a life.

Teresa

P.S. In the country of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. thank you, H. G. Wells.

My RDA of pure BS. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: rumanci
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 01:24 PM

I think you're all sew and sews !
Upun my word this embroidering should desist immediatement .....
Non ! Non ! (or should that be a French knot ?)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 01:21 PM

Now come on! You're both big boys and I'm sure that you can iron out any pressing differences you may have.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 01:18 PM

A hem. Should you two keep this up, Mother will have to baste you one. Puns are, after all, what thimble people consider humor. I'm certain that neither of you would care a darn to be considered such a goose as that!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 01:07 PM

I think you should just suture self Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 01:04 PM

Sew it does seam, Good Mario. Rapaire has ever thought that the rule of an eye for an eye would be heaven, a proposition which leaves me in stitches.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 12:23 PM

perhaps he's just trying to needle us? Or trying to pin down the truth?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 12:07 PM

A-hem, Amos. When it "seams" necessary? (Little tiny pun there. . . :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 09:51 AM

A seamy business indeed. Fortunately, he is not sharp-tongued, although I am sure he is sharp enough to speak in tongues. And to cut off threads when it seams necessary to do so.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 09:38 AM

some people speak in tongues - Rapaire'
s speaking in thread titles.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 09:36 AM

Rapaire rides again!! LOL, man!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 09:32 AM

We were sitting around the House when Frank said, "Can we discuss the Class system in UK?" and burped loudly; it was obvious that his beer had gotten to him.

I mean, why discuss that when there are more burning questions, like Why should Britain remain in Ireland? or This is democracy? Why he wanted to discuss that will always remain one of Histories Mysteries, I guess, because a robin trilled (always one of the first Signs of Spring) and Frank sprang from his chair like he there was a poison dart in his butt and fled yelling "What is America really like??"

We sighed (we all know Frank) and opened another beer. Mary, a TV anchor, mentioned the Popualar views of the Blair adninstratio, but apologized for cutting it short. Brad, a Canuck down from the Great Slave Lake, told about a big project up his was that will prevent any further slippage of magnetic north and exactly how CANADA SAVES THE WORLD !! thereby.         

Fortunately none of us could say "Oh, no! I'm unemployed again." And we popped another beer to celebrate.

Colum, talking to himself, suddenly screamed "You must leave now!!" and pulling up the hem of his kilt, dashed off into the cemetery. "Ah, well," said Sadie, "always the Scottish show disrespect for dead pope, even if in this case he'll have a long swim ta do so."         

We put out the cigars, since Smoking in public to be banned (UK) and wondered if a revival of the Code Duello would execerbate the question of Why do you offend so easily?

Frannie, recently returned from a performance of Cosi Fan Tutti expressed her opinion of Stupid lousy Sopranos hiking the Trans - Pennine Trail. Shortly thereafter we left, since Bush has left the building and there was little around to do besides drink.        

Apologies


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 09:22 AM

Even the ignorant and unwashed know the difference between "public" and "pubic"; this is often not the case with "Liberries".

Amos
Snobissimus Maximus


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Apr 05 - 09:03 AM

Dropping the "r" in "library" can also result in "libray." Personally, I've always liked "liberry," which suggests a sort of pie or jam.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Apr 05 - 11:05 PM

I heard from Teresa this evening--she has been off pursuing other interests. I have her email and permission to share it, so PM if anyone is interested.

To get back to the missing "l," funny how I generally read "public" even if the "l" is missing there, but if you drop an "r" in "library," to come up with "libary" it screams out at me. You'd think the sexier reference would get the attention, wouldn't you?

Oh, well.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 05 - 08:48 PM

Wot the 'l--dinna fasch thysel'.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Apr 05 - 08:34 PM

There isn't a public library in the US that hasn't left the "l" out at one time or another. You only hope that it's not one something either important or public or worse, both.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Apr 05 - 12:21 PM

I'll PM a couple of folks and see what they know. Back to the BS, though we're severely challenged right now by the banter running over on that "Pubic Information" thread. Not Public with an L, but Pubic, what the 'ell.

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Apr 05 - 08:45 AM

Haven't heard. I certainly hope she's okay.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 05 - 07:47 AM

I've no news here.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Apr 05 - 12:59 AM

A non-BS query here: I just looked up one of our otherwise-reliably prodigious posters of BS, and find that Teresa hasn't posted since March 11. Does anyone know if she's okay? Online? PM me if you prefer. I sent her a PM, but I wonder if she'll get it. Could she visit the Mudcat yet resist posting to a thread here for a month? I think not! Last seen here at MOAB, she was talking about gravitons and such. Did Chuckles or the Freds mistake Las Vegas for Florida, do you think, and devour a Mudcatter? Or Shatner? Did he have something to do with this?

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Apr 05 - 07:02 PM

Says in John that he'd been dead for three days or something and that "he stinks."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 05 - 02:15 PM

Rapaire has the right of it I think -- it is untouched from my original borrowing; aged Lazarus from the tomb stepping forth might indeed have been crawling with incrustations of decay, rotting bits of flesh and maybe maggots.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Apr 05 - 11:38 AM

Neither. Just a reference to 1) a leper, and/or, 2) Lazarus, brother of Mary and Martha (vide the 11th Chapter of John).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Apr 05 - 11:20 AM

"Lazar-like"--is this a sudden segue to the butcher, Lazar Wolf, in Fiddler on the Roof? Or is this the typo of Shakespeare's amanuensis?

It's laser, with an "s"!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 05 - 10:42 AM

As the king's ghost doth explain,
So might the little owners of wee voices cry dismay!
That in the night, dislodge, undone, all plucked
They are pulled up, and cry, "O!! We are fu**ed"

Upon my secure hour my owner stole,
With juice of cursed gravitons in a vial,
And in the porches of my ears did pour
The leperous distilment; whose effect
Holds such an enmity with blood of man
That swift as quicksilverr it courses through
The natural gates and alleys of the mind,
And with a sudden vigour it doth posset
And curd, like eager droppings into milk,
The home and mooring of wee voices. So to mine;
And a most instant tetter bark'd about,
Most lazar-like, with vile and loathsome crust
All my smooth brain.
Thus was I, sleeping, by a brother's hand
Of life, of host, of visiting mind, at once dispatch'd;
Drawn out even in the blossoms of my sin,
Unhous'led, disappointed, unanel'd,
No reckoning made, but sent to my account
With all my imperfections in my head.


(Hamlet, II, i, modified for the MOAB)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Apr 05 - 10:23 AM

Ah, the Hamlet approach to getting rid of a problem person? It doesn't stop the little voices (and it contributes to great dramatic moments!)

    I am thy father's spirit,
    Doom'd for a certain term to walk the night,


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Apr 05 - 08:27 AM

Another possibility is to make a deal with The Little Voices.

Or some night when he's laying on his side, sound asleep, put a whole bunch of gravitons into whichever ear is uppermost. This will cause an increase in gravitational force and suck ol' Peggy up, and you can grab her when she breaks the surface (so to speak).

Chuckles might be able to help, if you can find itshehim.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Apr 05 - 08:22 AM

Kick him in the side of the head until it's so unpleasant there that she leaves.

Wasn't there another Lennon Sister? I think her name was John.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Janet Lennon
Date: 10 Apr 05 - 10:04 PM

Dear Friends of King khandu,

I'm Janet Lennon... Of the Lennon Sisters.... Lawrence Welk.... Remember? Good.

Now that we're on the same page, I'm writing to inform you that it appears that the spirit of my sister Peggy and your friend khandu have become intermingled in some mysterious fashion. (Please click here.) Well, I don't like it. I want my sister back.

We were hoping that Peggy's possession of khandu would be short-lived, that she has too much class to inhabit the mind of such a cretin, but she's still there. Even his suggestion that she become the central figure in this year's Pellahatchee Goat Fuck errr... Roast didn't phase her.

Dee Dee, Kathy, Mimi and I are very concerned. We we wondering if you might have any ideas about how to go about getting Peggy to leave khandu's brain. We've tried aromatherapy but it didn't do any good. We really need your help.

Thank you,

Janet Lennon


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,The Little Voices
Date: 10 Apr 05 - 08:26 PM

Hello people. We are the little voices that used to follow your friend Bee-dubya-ell around and harass him. He escaped us some time back and we've been looking for him. We hear that there is someone or something named "Chuckles" hunting for him as well. We are wondering if you know how we can get in touch with this "Chuckles" to see if he has unearthed any clues. We would, of course, be willing to share what little information we have about Bee-dubya-ell's whereabouts with the Chuckles creature.

We mean Bee-dubya-ell no harm. Trust us. It's just been rather boring since he managed to ditch us. We tried taking up with a couple of winos we met on our travels, but those brains already had enough little voices of their own and there was no room for us.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Apr 05 - 04:48 PM

Don't tell anyone, but I've been getting free gravity for years! Never even gotten a bill. Must be some kind of clerical screw up. I keep worrying that they'll find out some day and to turn the gravity off. Either that or I'll get a huge bill with a demand for immediate payment.

Dear Mr. LaWall:

It has come to our attention that you have not paid your gravity bill in the last 53 years. Please remit immediately the sum of $2,347,523.74 in U.S. funds.

Failure to do so will result in disconnection from the space-time continuum.


Sincerely,

Anne Vark

Customer Service Specialist


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Apr 05 - 04:02 PM

Gravity is predicted to be in effect here today--the skies will open wide this afternoon or evening. Plop. Plop plop plop. All of those new young plants will get a good watering (and hopefully won't get washed away).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Apr 05 - 10:44 AM

Bravo, bravo...sounds like a loud, slow boogie woogie tune might fit in, with some Dylan-like syllable-stretching, sorta like in 'POsitively FOurht Street" kinda.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Apr 05 - 10:05 AM

Doin' the Gravity Dance, I said the Gravity Dance
Hold onto your hat, hold onto your pants
You can try to escape it but there ain't no chance
'Cause everybody's doin' that Gravity Dance

Now the Gravity Dance is very easy to do
Just take off your your jacket and take off your shoe
And jump up and down 'til your face turns blue
Man, it's easy as pie, I'd never lie to you

Now when you're done jumpin' all up and down
Then the room'll start spinnin' around and 'round
And the next thing you know, you'll be fell to the ground
Old Gravity done won another round

Yes it's the Gravity Dance, I said the Gravity Dance
Hold onto your hat, hold onto your pants
You can try to escape it but there ain't no chance
'Cause everybody's doin' that Gravity Dance


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Apr 05 - 12:13 AM

And NOT an occasion for gravitas.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Amos
Date: 09 Apr 05 - 02:02 PM

Ahead, expanded; behind diminished; each according to their, um, taste, their orientation, their sense of space and the steps of their dance with gravitrons.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Apr 05 - 01:08 PM

...only the best of good heads may comprehend!! Of all the kinds of folk I know, only the fairest maidens have such heads...

"have" or "give"? It makes a difference, you know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Apr 05 - 12:21 PM

You'll have to delve into that one more, Amos. Meanwhile, I'm giving MOM a quick boost to the top and then I'm gonna mow my lawn.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Apr 05 - 12:39 AM

The maidens so employed f course have a perfect right to ask, before committing to the Dance of the Gravitons, "Will you still respect me in the morning?"

THe answer depends on the orientation relative tot he motion of the grqavitons -- ahead, expanded; behind, diminished. Respect is proportional to personal space.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Apr 05 - 08:15 PM

The VIRGO gravitational-wave detector will be officially opened at Cascina, near Pisa, in Italy today. The detector - which will search for the gravitational waves predicted by the general theory of relativity - is a joint project between the INFN in Italy and the CNRS in France. The European Gravitational Observatory will manage the facility.

Gravitational waves are ripples in the fabric of space-time that are produced when massive bodies accelerate through space. However, the waves are very weak - even for the strongest astrophysical sources, such as supernova explosions or collisions between neutron stars and black holes – and therefore extremely difficult to detect.





When a gravitational wave reaches the Earth it should expand space in one direction and contract it in the perpendicular direction. VIRGO relies on laser interferometers to detect the effect of these changes on pairs of widely separated test masses. The arms of the interferometer are 3 kilometres long and they are at right angles to each other (see figure). Changes in the interference pattern produced by two laser beams reflected off mirrors on the test masses will reflect changes in the length of the arms.


However, the changes caused by any gravitational wave will be extremely small - only about 10-21m - so the detector must be very sensitive. In particular, it must be seismically isolated from its environment, and it must use an ultrahigh vacuum cavity and the best possible mirrors and other optical components.


Virgo has passed preliminary tests and will begin to record data in a few months. It will join a global network of gravitational-wave detectors that already includes the two LIGO detectors (which are both 4 km long) in the US, GEO600 in Germany (600 m) and TAMA in Japan (300 m).



Grave business indeed, that only the best of good heads may comprehend!! Of all the kinds of folk I know, only the fairest maidens have such heads, nor are free enough of gravity to dance around so massive a subject.

And, if we are to avoid unfairness, we must constrain the set to only maidens who are fair, and can dance, and speak well, too -- which is a scarcer set now than once it was.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Apr 05 - 07:44 PM

Hey, Art! I respect you!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 Apr 05 - 06:06 PM

No, Bunn! You can't wait until May 6th to come back! You'll have to at least check in on May 5th because that is

MOM'S BIRTHDAY!!!


And a lollapalooza it will be! I've already put the cake in the oven. It's a giant cupcake with "EAT ME!" written on it using chocolate-covered peanuts (Mom's favorite). Khing khandu has released the Royal Dancing Tarts from their regular duties so they may come over here to the MOAB and "entertain" us. They've even rescheduled the Pelahatchee Goat Fuck Roast to coincide with the big day. The Beatles are going to stage a reunion concert in Mom's honor! Not just Paul and Ringo, the dead guys too! Bob Dylan's going to sing a song in which you can actually understand the words! There should be a new pope elected by then to preside over the ceremonies, but if there isn't, John Paul II has promised to get up one last time to do the job! And both Tweed and CarolC will not play the accordian!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Apr 05 - 05:59 PM

This roguish lifter, all deceits,
Lifts now the work of noble Keats
Who, in Lamia did, sincere
Write th'very lines now posted here,
But insincerely, of name bereft,
Of title bare, sans woof, sans weft
Stark as though to yon craven poster sly
It should in some way bring some credit nigh!
But tell him nay, and grant this rogue no credit!
Work hath no name at all, when he the name forgetteth!
Tell him then fie and roundly set him low,
IF thou respectest Keats, and Art, then let him know!
Bring out thy pitchfork, pick axe and long shifter,
And give no shrift to yonder lazy lifter!!

Patrice O'Henry, Count Auverigain
Blows to the Names of Mankind--A Work in Verse
Sly and Manic, Ltd.
Hull, England, 1847


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Apr 05 - 05:13 PM

Jaime Lachica Sin.

The Cardinal of Manila.

That's who I want to be Pope.

Cardinal Sin.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bunnahabhain
Date: 08 Apr 05 - 04:27 PM

I'm stuck helping with an election, and as such am using all of my BS creating skills already, and have none left to help MOAB. I will return on the 6th of may or so. Bunnahabhain


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Apr 05 - 12:33 PM

She was a gordian shape of dazzling hue,        
Vermilion-spotted, golden, green, and blue;        
Striped like a zebra, freckled like a pard,        
Eyed like a peacock, and all crimson barr'd;              
And full of silver moons, that, as she breathed,        
Dissolv'd, or brighter shone, or interwreathed        
Their lustres with the gloomier tapestries—        
So rainbow-sided, touch'd with miseries,        
She seem'd, at once, some penanced lady elf,              
Some demon's mistress, or the demon's self.        
Upon her crest she wore a wannish fire        
Sprinkled with stars, like Ariadne's tiar:        
Her head was serpent, but ah, bitter-sweet!        
She had a woman's mouth with all its pearls complete:              
And for her eyes: what could such eyes do there        
But weep, and weep, that they were born so fair?        
As Proserpine still weeps for her Sicilian air.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Stilly River Sage
Date: 08 Apr 05 - 10:12 AM

Some interesting resesarch from a close reading of a Victorian poet has come to light, should any of you be interested in doing more research:

But who hath seen her wave her hand?   
Or at the casement seen her stand?   
Or is she known in all the land,
The lady of MOABlott.


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