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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 27 Oct 13 - 03:02 PM
Acme 27 Oct 13 - 01:49 PM
Amos 27 Oct 13 - 10:24 AM
gnu 27 Oct 13 - 07:29 AM
Rapparee 26 Oct 13 - 11:04 PM
gnu 26 Oct 13 - 04:58 PM
Amos 26 Oct 13 - 01:10 PM
gnu 26 Oct 13 - 12:31 PM
Rapparee 26 Oct 13 - 11:13 AM
gnu 26 Oct 13 - 06:36 AM
gnu 26 Oct 13 - 06:17 AM
Rapparee 25 Oct 13 - 09:57 PM
Amos 25 Oct 13 - 06:33 PM
Rapparee 25 Oct 13 - 03:42 PM
Acme 25 Oct 13 - 12:06 PM
gnu 25 Oct 13 - 10:06 AM
Rapparee 25 Oct 13 - 09:51 AM
Acme 25 Oct 13 - 12:20 AM
Amos 24 Oct 13 - 10:32 PM
Rapparee 24 Oct 13 - 10:00 PM
Amos 24 Oct 13 - 11:15 AM
Acme 24 Oct 13 - 10:05 AM
Amos 23 Oct 13 - 11:27 PM
Rapparee 23 Oct 13 - 09:09 PM
Amos 23 Oct 13 - 08:48 PM
gnu 23 Oct 13 - 06:48 PM
gnu 23 Oct 13 - 05:54 PM
Amos 23 Oct 13 - 11:05 AM
Rapparee 23 Oct 13 - 07:23 AM
gnu 23 Oct 13 - 06:05 AM
Amos 22 Oct 13 - 10:26 PM
MMario 22 Oct 13 - 09:10 PM
Rapparee 22 Oct 13 - 09:07 PM
Amos 22 Oct 13 - 04:24 PM
Rapparee 22 Oct 13 - 03:37 PM
gnu 22 Oct 13 - 12:51 PM
Acme 22 Oct 13 - 12:33 PM
Ebbie 22 Oct 13 - 11:28 AM
Keith A of Hertford 22 Oct 13 - 10:22 AM
Rapparee 22 Oct 13 - 10:16 AM
Amos 22 Oct 13 - 12:24 AM
Rapparee 21 Oct 13 - 08:47 PM
Acme 21 Oct 13 - 08:25 PM
Amos 21 Oct 13 - 08:22 PM
Amos 20 Oct 13 - 12:50 PM
Acme 20 Oct 13 - 12:16 PM
Rapparee 20 Oct 13 - 07:58 AM
gnu 20 Oct 13 - 07:24 AM
Acme 20 Oct 13 - 02:19 AM
Amos 20 Oct 13 - 01:42 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Oct 13 - 03:02 PM

Or you can have the local electric company bore and trench for a new cable just outside your fence line, which is what's going on about 10 feet outside my fenceline.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Oct 13 - 01:49 PM

I used to have grackles and starlings perch in the trees in my back yard and along the creek and at the neighbors. They have a collective memory and don't come over here any more. I have an old galvanized trash can and my method is simple but noisy - take the lid and and old golf club pole (the head is missing) and while holding the lid by the handle and walk close to the trees then break into a huge amount of banging on the lid. The birds do not like this. I might do it in the back then walk to the front and bang the lid near the across the street neighbors trees. Exit birds. They perch a couple of yards away or in the woods, but after a few evenings of lid-banging they just don't come into my range. And after a few years of lid bangings they don't come hang out in this neighborhood.

You have to be sneaky (get as close as you can) and bold and forceful when banging the lid, don't worry what the neighbors will think. If they ask what is that gawdawful racket, just tell them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Oct 13 - 10:24 AM

You should prime those .22s and put them inside the holes on the golf course. That way when the golfs drop in the hole, the golfer hears a celebratory blam.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 27 Oct 13 - 07:29 AM

CIL. Memories. Special Long Range Dynawad. Sigh. Now, the best we can buy is Winchester and such. From Walmart, no less. Of course, one's success in putting food on the table depends more upon knowledge and experience than the height of the brass. Why, I can tell you the price and quality of damn near any staple at the Coop, Sobeys, Superstore, Rinzler's and Costco week by week. Spuds? $2/10# at Superstore. Salt cod? $5/# at Sobeys. Marg? $2/# at the Coop. Omega3 eggs? $4.79/18 at Costco. Fishcakes and eggs for brekky!

Eatin em right now. Oh, yeah, tea? $8/240 somewhere. No matter. I paid $7 a few weeks back.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Oct 13 - 11:04 PM

That's why you use a pellet gun from inside the house. Whatever noise there is is contained in the house...and the neighbors can't see what you're doing. A "wrist rocket" slingshot is also good. But a load of #6 shot is best of all.

I have a box of .22LR C.I.L. ammo that's never been used, if you can figure a way to obtain it. Postal services don't like stuff like that to be mailed and it seems kinda silly to go through all the paperwork required to ship it legally. This is the genuine Canuck article, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Oct 13 - 04:58 PM

Me too, A. How dare those dastardly crows eat the unborn young of Hbirds! If I lived outside the city limits, slingshot be damned! It would #6 shot and fire and explosions. Controlled, of course, and their carcasses left in the sun as a warning to others of their ilk to steer well clear. Unfortunately, one is required by law to refrain from the use of deadly loud force within city limits.

One dead Hbird = not enough dead crows. An empirical equation but valid in my analysis and opinion.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Oct 13 - 01:10 PM

My keyboard has stopped writing periods and commas Now it is refusing to write /s and brackets I am bound to the Apple Store (period)

I abhor the espousal of violence against life forms but in the case of crows I might make an exception because they are arrogant--like Rapparee.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Oct 13 - 12:31 PM

Rifle? No. Coat hanger, one a them there long elastics, roll of solder and the proper tools. Ya can put a dent in an aluminum storm door at over 60 feet. Of course, yer old man's shoe can subsequently put a dent in yer arse too. Silence. The only thing ya hear is a crow exclaim, "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!"

They have been infesting the city over the past 6 years. I don't mind them so much even tho they caw incesantly at dawn. But, they have driven out the Ruby Throated Hummingbirds soooo, come spring, they shall fear the name of Garryowen in Glory. Nobirdy fucks with my Hbirds.

If anyone wants the plans and specs for the deadly weapon, lemmie know. Just make sure ya wear eye protection if ya use one. (Same goes for that cheap 22 ammo from Mexico. Got a breech blowback from a 94-22R years ago when a casing split and that required wearing my first seeing assistance device.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Oct 13 - 11:13 AM

Get a good pellet rifle...shoot from inside the house so as not to alarm the neighbors and/or cops.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Oct 13 - 06:36 AM

SOB! Most of the crows in view from my office window have flown without any photos or footage. No, that's not it although I am sad about not being able to record the event. I went out to move some flowers to a frost safe spot and discovered that four of the crows were indeed upset by being rudly awakened. Could have been more than four but I didn't check the box or roof of my truck. SHIT! Literally. Just waxed the truck, too. >:-(

There's still about 500 crows in view from my backyard but none within garden hose range.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Oct 13 - 06:17 AM

Pull-thru... a 3' length of light rope/twine with a weight and loop at opposite ends. A cloth is inserted in the loop and lubricated with oil. The weighted end is placed in the barrel at the breech and "dropped" to the muzzle end. Then the cloth is pulled through the barrel several times to remove residual powder and to lubricate the shooting iron. Johnny keep your gun clean.

I would never scare small children with "warning shots". Teenagers? Hmmmm...

I am presently being serenaded by hundreds and hundreds of crows in my maple and pines out back. Either that or they are voicing their displeasure at my waking them an hour ago when I stepped outside to gauge the frost threat level. The migration is underway.

The frost threat level is high but the flowers may just have to die as the crows will fly and I await dawn with camcorder and camera.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Oct 13 - 09:57 PM

It would safe us both.... (Emphasis supplied.)

An obvious "Freudian slip" of the fingers. Amos, you must feel that you are not only going to "win" this lawsuit (if anyone ever "wins" a lawsuit) but are also "safe" (i.e., immune) from it. Yes, I recognize that you could easily slip over the border into Mexico to escape the inexorable (though often plodding) march of Justice but I think that you have too much old-fashioned Yankee grit. I think that you'll tough it out just as your ancestors (and mine) toughed out Ice Ages, famines, wars, plagues, poverty, carnivores, cold, rapine and other things that we, in our more comfortable Age, cannot even imagine.

Why don't you just send a check for the amount stated and we'll forget the whole thing?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Oct 13 - 06:33 PM

Hiding your slanders in polysyllables will not relieve you of your legal burdens sirrah; and it is clear from the scarcity of your own hairline that you are projecting once agaoin WHy don't you just erect a large mirror next to your workstation? It would safe us both so much time!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Oct 13 - 03:42 PM

"Pull-through" is a Canadian term, Stilly. It refers to what would be called "pull-ups" elsewhere, but in Canada pull-ups have nothing to stop their being pulled up.

I have recently learned that Amos suffers from being a trichophagiacal onychophagic. I hope that he gets help soon and often, and I will donate some of the money I win in my lawsuit against him to assist his cure.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Oct 13 - 12:06 PM

What will be the outcome of that work, gnu? I haven't a clue what "pull-thru" you might be getting out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Oct 13 - 10:06 AM

Halloweenies! Must get out the pull-thru and the machine oil and shine up the iron.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Oct 13 - 09:51 AM

Don't do Hallow Een no more. Too many "non-kids" come 'round or are trucked in from all over town. If I did I'd rig a trip wire and steal their candy...or use a hologram to provide a REAL ghost to answer the doorbell...or rig Pepper's Ghost...or do anyone of several things.

As for Mr. Amos, I think that it's wonderful that your duck sings like Paul Robeson -- a bass canard. Or is it part fish -- a bass canard? Or do you use the QEII for the game of tag, a base Cunard? (I can continue to assist you in losing your breakfast.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Oct 13 - 12:20 AM

Are any of you planning costumes for Halloween, or are you going to scare the bejesus out of the kiddos when they approach your homes? MOM asked that the front step up to the porch be repaired so no one else falls through it again. Just because we know to step over it, the little guys in their political masks lugging huge pillow cases of candy can't be expected to drag themselves out of that hole if they stumble in.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Oct 13 - 10:32 PM

You call MY canards base, while your own are so off-base as to be groundless, lost in a trackless desert of thoughtless ill-considered venom? Oh, fie, you incorrigible miscreant. You are a mere poltroon in a college of refined BS. Go back to your feral golfs and see if they can teach you a better use for your unseemly dimples.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Oct 13 - 10:00 PM

So you're half-apped four times over?

Had I not been traveling for more than 12 hours I would respond to your base canards, but I'm simply too fatigued to waste my time on such trivia.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Oct 13 - 11:15 AM

The exchange of poems ended with mine, so far; any rebuttal poem is due from Mister R. But I am not concerned. As for apps, all I have are my heart, my wit, my soul and my hands. App enough to make app remarks.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Oct 13 - 10:05 AM

Cute rebuttal poem, Amos. Do you have an app for that?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Oct 13 - 11:27 PM

Oh, Jolly. Lawyers who save pennies and waste pounds. Look, Rapp, you can't go around picking fights like that and then suing people who lambast you as a result. You get it 'cause you had it coming, see? It's that simple. TRhe log in thine own eye and all that. Rathere than invent attack dogs to sic on behalf od some imaginary wrong done to you, why not take some time for sober self-examination and reflection, and find your inner happy place? Then go to it, and pull it in after you.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Oct 13 - 09:09 PM

The law firm I hired had its stationery misprinted. To save their clients money they continue to use the misprinted stationery. You may be certain that the letter is authenic, res ipsos loquitor.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Oct 13 - 08:48 PM

It's been a quiet day in South Woebegone, my home town. Dog and I went to thebeach and she galloped like the wind up and down, ducking and wrassling qwith other dogs, lunging into the surf and out again. She lost a ball, and got all blamey as though it was my fault I didn't have it. Can't win with them lady dogs, no-how. Got a tiny bit of writing done, not enough to pay for passage around the damn sun, though. I swan I am worthless. Maybe I'll just make music.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 23 Oct 13 - 06:48 PM

By the by, b'y... ye noticed how fast ye old Mudcat is runnin? She's a virtual hare in the race today.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 23 Oct 13 - 05:54 PM

Y'all hear that?

I don't here nuthin.

Old Blue be runin on posted land.

Kin I git a pup from the next litter?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Oct 13 - 11:05 AM

Given that his lawyer isn't even sure how to spell his own name, I don't think it will be a problem. He bears the burden of setting the antecedent conditions his own self anyway. So that there dog won't hunt much, I reckon.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Oct 13 - 07:23 AM

Congratulations, good MMario! May she live long and prosper well!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 23 Oct 13 - 06:05 AM

Accept? Just like that? I say fight it!

If ya want, I could get my guy at Pluckem, Phuckem and Chuckem ta call ya. They enjoy being at bar so, given a case such as this, they might even do this pro bonus. Think of all the publicity.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Oct 13 - 10:26 PM

Dear Sirs:

I accept whatever penalty the good Rapparee wishes to demand for my calumnies against him, providing he fully acknowledges and allows equal compensation to me for his own prior (I must emphasize prior) calumnies against my good self.

I feel this would balance accounts between us fairly.


A.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 22 Oct 13 - 09:10 PM

My latest Great niece was born at 7:18 AM tomorrow morning, 10/23/2013.

(Love the oddities that creep in with the World Wide community!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Oct 13 - 09:07 PM

Dear Mr. Amos,

I am writing this letter on behalf of our client, Mr. Rapparee, who is instituting a lawsuit against you for one dollar (USD 1.00) more than the value of everything you now own, have every owned, or will ever own. You have injured Mr. Rapparee's feelings over and over and left him so low in self-esteem that he needs a ladder to climb up high enough to brush his teeth.

Please let us know the name and address of your attorney or to whomever we should address on this matter.

I remains, Sir,

Sincerely yours,
/s/
Alois de Munie
Senior Partner

Takke, de Monie, and Runne
Attorneys At Law

Attorney-at-Law


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Oct 13 - 04:24 PM

Your poetry, sir? It deserves not the label!
It's duller than cold broth, dried out in the ladle
Your scansion's pathetic! Your lines are clichéd!
You write like a teen who has never been laid!
Your mastery of language, neither subtle nor fair
Brings to mind an old bullock who is losing his hair!
The images are tawdry, and sleepy, and flat!
You, sir, are no poet! ANd that, sir, is that!

Rearden Gnash
Answers to Importunists
Slappem, Scilly and Flee, pubs.
Whackem on Derpayte, 1932


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Oct 13 - 03:37 PM

Huh!

My poetry is better, is best
You can use it for pleasure
To feather your nest
To keep out the cold winds
The blow from the North
Which rattle you blinds
And leave you bereft
Of warmth and sanity
Drive you quite daft
As daft as Old Amos
Sitting there by the hob
Mumbling poesy,
And failing the job.

   --Eldwin Cuthwright Bland IV (Lord Darnettall), Pomes Never Fall Far From The Tree (London: Richard Head Publisher, 1784).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Oct 13 - 12:51 PM

I must search out further writings of Milf the 3. Damn fine poetry.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Oct 13 - 12:33 PM

There is BS and then there is Nonsense. Here's hoping that our fine BS thread isn't polluted with a lot of the nonsense that cycles through Mudcat below the line.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 22 Oct 13 - 11:28 AM

I too reached into the waters to haul 'er to the surface only to find Amos's face appear. Good job, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Keith A of Hertford
Date: 22 Oct 13 - 10:22 AM

From the OP.
"Soon there will be only one BS thread"

It is coming to pass.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Oct 13 - 10:16 AM

If you elect not to visit my little old sod shanty on the claim then I must take my fun where I can find it, Amos. If that means helping an inept hangman, well then, so be it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Oct 13 - 12:24 AM

Fractured, tortured, misshapen BS is still better than none at all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Oct 13 - 08:47 PM

I spent the day in Williamsburg, VA, assisting the local hangman in giving piratical wretches brought here from Teach's crew a lesson in the Hempen Jig. They shall go no more a-roving, and I do hope that the Governor of Northern Carolina Colony can also be brought to the King's justice for his part in this abomination. Teach himself came here a head.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Oct 13 - 08:25 PM

Good save, Amos! I was just leaning over and reaching down below the water to grab MOM's hand when you propelled her to the top.

WHOOSH!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Oct 13 - 08:22 PM

How now? The Mother's laid alow?
The daftest things in life go past
And her sons sleep down below!
They're doping through the off-watch,
And thwir shirking when they're on,
ANd the Mother swings across the wind
And jobes with every blow.
It ain't at all becoming
Nor seamanlike, I guess,
To slop the lines and slack the yards
On the mother of All BS.
It's a sign of sloppy seamanship
And sinful sloth, I vow
To let the Mother rollick so
While the watch sleeps down below.
So grab that hemp rope starter, mate
And lay onto Rapparee
And I'll go blow the foghorn
In Stilly's ear for free
And you go kick yon Little Hawk
Who missed his wheel again,
And we shall bring her back on course
And set he back in trim.
For the BS track is a long, long track
And it's hard, I do confess,
But nothing a-sea can justify
The slacking of BS!

Milford Togallant Focslupp III
Rambles from FOrard
Salte Soggy Bottomes Press
Whiskers on Planks
1918


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Oct 13 - 12:50 PM

Nothing beats good congress, I concur. Charley did all the scheduling, actually--I just facilitated. We laid on some good snacks and sat around swapping salty numbers.

The call of far-off places subsides, but is never silenced. I am thinking a motor-van would be a nice idea, putting my way across the West, back to the East. For now, the call is muted by the clatter of normal days and tasks, things that call for endurance and regular times.

But when I dream, it is of far away places, where the hills are green, the trees are deciduous, where the Gulf Stream lurks just over the horizon, and all the small rivers of the land strive to answer her silent call.

Just now, though, I must go to CostCo and fill the car, and take the dog for a romp.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Oct 13 - 12:16 PM

Ah, congress! One of our favorite things, when it isn't capital C.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Oct 13 - 07:58 AM

It's okay, gnu. It's okay. Don't fret, unless you play something with frets and then do fret. All will be well. The US Congress assured me of that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 20 Oct 13 - 07:24 AM

Ahhh, the life of celebrity!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Oct 13 - 02:19 AM

So the folks you missed on your big trip are now headed out to visit you at your house? How did you manage scheduling all of those east coast mudcatters?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Oct 13 - 01:42 AM

I just dropped Charley Noble and wife Judith Barrows off at their hotel after a loverly evening swapping songs and sipping vino rojo. Good times. Bill Dempsey, a highly talented man, came down from Orange County and joined us. Jolly fine times! G'night, y'all!


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