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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 30 Aug 13 - 10:35 PM
GUEST 30 Aug 13 - 10:12 PM
Acme 30 Aug 13 - 09:59 PM
Rapparee 30 Aug 13 - 09:36 PM
Rapparee 30 Aug 13 - 09:30 PM
GUEST 30 Aug 13 - 07:45 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 30 Aug 13 - 06:57 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 30 Aug 13 - 06:29 PM
Rapparee 30 Aug 13 - 06:19 PM
gnu 30 Aug 13 - 05:47 PM
Acme 30 Aug 13 - 04:28 PM
Rapparee 30 Aug 13 - 02:31 PM
Rapparee 30 Aug 13 - 10:07 AM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 30 Aug 13 - 08:18 AM
gnu 30 Aug 13 - 07:48 AM
Rapparee 29 Aug 13 - 10:49 PM
Rapparee 29 Aug 13 - 03:27 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 29 Aug 13 - 11:08 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 29 Aug 13 - 10:38 AM
Rapparee 29 Aug 13 - 10:27 AM
Rapparee 28 Aug 13 - 11:28 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 28 Aug 13 - 11:17 PM
Rapparee 28 Aug 13 - 09:49 PM
Rapparee 28 Aug 13 - 09:43 PM
Rapparee 28 Aug 13 - 07:06 PM
gnu 28 Aug 13 - 04:54 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 28 Aug 13 - 11:57 AM
Rapparee 28 Aug 13 - 10:35 AM
Acme 27 Aug 13 - 04:15 PM
gnu 27 Aug 13 - 03:06 PM
Little Hawk 27 Aug 13 - 11:06 AM
Rapparee 27 Aug 13 - 10:03 AM
gnu 27 Aug 13 - 05:53 AM
Rapparee 26 Aug 13 - 10:49 PM
Little Hawk 26 Aug 13 - 07:31 PM
gnu 26 Aug 13 - 02:12 PM
Acme 26 Aug 13 - 12:27 PM
Rapparee 26 Aug 13 - 09:56 AM
Rapparee 26 Aug 13 - 01:08 AM
gnu 25 Aug 13 - 05:25 PM
gnu 25 Aug 13 - 02:48 PM
Amos 25 Aug 13 - 10:56 AM
Rapparee 25 Aug 13 - 10:46 AM
Rapparee 25 Aug 13 - 10:42 AM
Acme 25 Aug 13 - 10:15 AM
gnu 25 Aug 13 - 06:40 AM
Rapparee 24 Aug 13 - 10:09 PM
Little Hawk 24 Aug 13 - 03:23 PM
gnu 24 Aug 13 - 03:19 PM
Acme 24 Aug 13 - 01:04 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Aug 13 - 10:35 PM

LOL!!!!!!!!!

Boy, Rap...you sure know how to stick the knife in and twist it, don't you? Poor Shane! I heard the howls of outrage and anguish echoing all the way from Blind River at the thought of the cops getting HIS inheritance, and Blind River is about 5 hours from here by car...providing one doesn't hit a moose or a deer on the way there.

I think the idea of a Canadian cruise involving you, me, Amos and gnu is a pretty fine notion. The kibbitzing would be legendary, and the music would be fabulous. Amos and I could attempt to sing and play each other right off the plank, as it were, and you could regale us with stories about the Idaho Legion whilst gnu told wild tales about life in rural New Brunswick.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 30 Aug 13 - 10:12 PM

Guest? Me? Huh? How was my cookie tossed overboard? Odd indeed! I shall reup. Resurgo gnu!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Aug 13 - 09:59 PM

You could start the annual Mudcat cruise and each year it will grow and grow until they book the entire ship in a few years.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 13 - 09:36 PM

Sham, my son:

1. Your mother was working at Paula's Place in Junction City, Kansas.
2. She was widely used by the guys from Ft. Riley.
3. I was REQUIRED to use a condom so I didn't pick up any disease.
4. Even though the condom was defective I was fortunate not to pick up crabs, clap, regular syph, Black Syph, leprosy, herpes, or any of the other diseases.
5. You'll be pleased to know that I've disinherited you because of what you've said AND that you have denied being my sole offspring.
6. My net worth is a little over USD 3 million. You aren't getting a cent...I'm giving it all to the Blind River Police Department.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 13 - 09:30 PM

Amos whining about the sea air getting his guitar out of tune. Amos whining about the captain. Amos whining about being keelhauled again. Amos whining about the wine (Labrador's finest vintage!). Amos whining about the whining about his whining....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 30 Aug 13 - 07:45 PM

Interpreter? Nah. Ye'll gettin n down me zon. Aays easy understood if yee got nee ear fer rydum ina speech eh? Just a word, mind. Never, unner any circumstances, imitate n er use dee idiom lest ye can pull it off finest kind. Day don take kindly ta dat dere, b'y.

But, yeah. Imagine this crowd on a cruise! The music! The banter! The cajoling (Amos is pretty damned good at that and I speak from first hand experience). The good natured teasing. And such. Tis a dream... a lovely daydream.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 30 Aug 13 - 06:57 PM

And furtherflippin'more....NO McBride woman in histry has EVER been willin' to have sex with any guy that was wearin' a condom! The Pope has forbid that cos it is inmorall and unnatcheral beehavyer and against the laws of God!

So flip off!

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 30 Aug 13 - 06:29 PM

If you was my real dad, flipface, I would flippin' kill myself! My dad ain't been seen since I was, like, about 5 years old, eh? Peeple said he got rand over by a train and my Mom celebarated for a solid month after it happened. One thing for sure, it was NOT flippin' YOU!!! It was eether my offishal dad...or the milkman...or the mailman...or one of the garage guys...or the guy who come thru one time sellin' vacyooms.

- Shane

p.s. Mom said it was my dad, but how can anyone be sure? McBride women ain't all that trust-worthy, know'm sayin'? My mom once said she had over 500 boyfriends afore she was done, and I got reason to beleeve that might be pretty close to the truth, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 13 - 06:19 PM

Ach, gnu, and wouldn't you be a great one to have along? Telling us about the place and all, directing our feet to the best views and most historic places, the best bars and such places? For you see, it's really this thing and there's two other people (at least) who are very interested. It would be a rowdy bunch indeed if they, and some others whom I suspect are having their arms twisted, come. Why, you could be our interpreter!

Amos could come be he's already been everywhere and he's gotten all snooty and all. He once told me that he was Eric the Red's navigator and did it all because he KNEW where everything was already. Told me that he once used his bare hands to paddle a whaleboat from San Diego to Betio, navigating with a shiny penny and a piece of string.

SRS and Eiseley have to work.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 30 Aug 13 - 05:47 PM

SRS... my thoughts exactly. Sounds elegant yet cosy. I would consider such a cruise if I hadn't seen the works up close and personal over the better part of 30 years. And, rap... yer gonna get treated to some of the best fresh fish and seafood you ever ate. Make sure you have a top notch camera and camcorder and be apprised... such devices will never do justice to what you will see with your own eyes.

I have so many memories of the beauty, of the people, of my friends. It is a slice of earth worth seeing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Aug 13 - 04:28 PM

Looks like a lovely ship for a cruise, on which you might actually feel like you're on a ship and not in a humongous city afloat.

MOM says if you guys are going to keep threatening to fight that she's going to make you all sleep in the tent in the back yard until you get over it. She doesn't want to hear you whispering threats back and forth between your rooms and putting nasty notes under each other's doors.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 13 - 02:31 PM

Son, you can get those kind of clothes. They come in bright orange, blank and white stripes (vertical or horizontal), yellow and black stripes (same), pink, and off-white with an orange bulls-eye target on the back.

Cops don't bother you at all. Just prison guards and sometimes other prisoners. And even today in some countries you can still sometimes get a nice black hood, too!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 13 - 10:07 AM

Yeah, I was thinking also of a couple of drums of DEET. I've had to deal with skeeters and sich before. And I don't care about the long-term consequences to my health, if any.

Say, Sham? Did you know that I found out that I'm actually your father? Yup. It was a faulty condom and I'm really and truly your father. How do you like them apples, SON?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 30 Aug 13 - 08:18 AM

That is flippin' exsellent, gnu! Awesome! Now if only they made all-over suits like that for pertection against cops. There are way too many cops arownd this area, eh?

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 30 Aug 13 - 07:48 AM

Rap... none! May I suggest you book 400 in addition to 403 so as to always have views fore, aft, port and starboard, even tho you will probably spent the entire cruise making sure the library is kept in tip top order. Also, may I suggest http://www.northernangler.mb.ca/onlinecatalog/accessories/misc/bugmenotmosquitogear.html.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Aug 13 - 10:49 PM

So, if I went cruising up around Newfoundland and Labrador, on, say this ship, can anyone think of a reason not to do so? This would be next June -- I'm allergic to things like cold weather.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Aug 13 - 03:27 PM

My, my. Threatened with a tommygun OR bare hands. Chong doesn't have bare hands -- they're all covered with hair from habits best left undescribed. Suffice to say that self-abuse is alive and well among certain chimps.

And Sham, I probably wouldn't be able to keep my meals down if I were anywhere near you. The stench emanating from you would see to that. But I'll be wearing a suit that protects against biological hazards AND a gas mask. Don't worry about others (not that you would) afterwards -- I'll be sure to pour enough chlorine bleach on your body to prevent any more contamination than you've already provided.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 29 Aug 13 - 11:08 AM

Hey, Rap! You FLIPPIN' Bolthole!!!! If you flippin' DARE to come within 10 flippin' miles of MY town I will flippin' distroy you totally! You can take that to the bank, eh? And flippin' diposit it! No word of a flippin' lie! I will make you look like a peece of flippin' roadkill that has been layin' on the Trans-flippin'-Canada for a flippin' WEEK and gettin' rand over by big trucks! I got friends here, man. Lotsa friends, eh? They do not like you sayin' bad things about me, eh? They will help me pound yer flippin' face into the ground. Come here and meet yer finale distruckshon, dipwad!

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 29 Aug 13 - 10:38 AM

Oh, boy! I can hardly wait. Lemme see, should I use my bare hands to dispose of the Bookman when he arrives? Or should I use the tommygun? Decisions, decisions. I'm thinkin' that bare hands would be a lot more fun.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Aug 13 - 10:27 AM

Tremble, Sham, and shake in your cheap shoes, Chong. I'll be coming for you. You'll never know when or how until it happens.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Aug 13 - 11:28 PM

Okay, THIS is really exciting! I have found a way to get to Blind River, Ontario and get cleanly away again after I beat the livin' snot out of Sham McBride for all the nasty things he's said about me! Yeah, yeah, I know -- he's a broken down derelict drunkard but still he should be held to account. AND it's possible to take along my brass knucks and my blackjack and really give him a good working over!

Then two days later I'm in Chicago and can finally put an end to that louse-ridden chimpanzee. No violence, of course -- I'll just "modify" Chong's walker a bit, or perhaps put a special surprise in a cheap cigar.

Wow, this is exciting! Two clean-ups in three days, and a lovely cruise to boot!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 28 Aug 13 - 11:17 PM

That is a truly horrifyin' sight. Sad! As fer me, I could wipe up the floor with any of you bindle stiffs without even breakin' into a sweat.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Aug 13 - 09:49 PM

Sham McBride has gotten older too. He can hardly make it out of the dumpster unaided now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Aug 13 - 09:43 PM

Gorilla Scouts now help Chong across the street, and only rarely push Chong in front of the cars and trucks. Chong ain't what Chong used to be, but then Chong never was.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Aug 13 - 07:06 PM

Chong wears a babushka, not a scarf. That's because Chong is actually a little old lady now, grizzled and gray around the muzzle, slow moving, and eating older bananas cuz they're soft and easy to gum.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Aug 13 - 04:54 PM

Yes... we have no scarves today. But I sure could scarf down a banana. Say, is that scarf in yer pocket or are ya just cold ta see me?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 28 Aug 13 - 11:57 AM

Awright...who scarfed all the bananas?!?

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Aug 13 - 10:35 AM

Poor Mom! Holding on with her fingernails, asking "who are my relatives?" and "Where the *#%$!!ing *#&%$@ are my kids gonna show up? I'm losing my grip!"

But good child that I am I rescued her. That's why I'm her favorite and you aren't.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Aug 13 - 04:15 PM

"John Waters type." Good one!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 27 Aug 13 - 03:06 PM

Thanks, Rap. That was hilarious! Indeed, I did send to to 9.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Aug 13 - 11:06 AM

That is disturbing news! Shane will be personally threatened by it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Aug 13 - 10:03 AM

I took care of it, so you up there in The Bend should be able to see what I'm talking about. It's awful...and be certain to tell Peace.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 27 Aug 13 - 05:53 AM

Can't see it here, Rap. Can't find it at The Comedy Network.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Aug 13 - 10:49 PM

gnu, you keep hangin' 'round Larry's Gulch an' people gonna start tinkin' you Little Louis or mebbe the Little Nude Dude. Da las' mos' likely, or a gawgaw.

And today I learned about this pending ecological catastrophe.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Aug 13 - 07:31 PM

Sinking a Spanish galleon is a foolish thing to do. The ship itself is generally worth a good deal more than its cargo, unless it's a treasure ship full of gold, and then it's still worth a lot in any case. Why waste the profits by sinking it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Aug 13 - 02:12 PM

SRS... scary stuff that. Barely avoiding a harrowing experience can be traumatic. I shudder to think what may have ensued if Rap had drawn Rapier in plunder and pillage within the lands of Her Royal Bettyness! Why, the summary drawing and quartering of him, his entrails sizzling on hot iron to be eaten by her loyal subjects in front of him as life ebbed away slowly... I'd sooner get a Big Mac and fries and a hot apple pie fer that tho. Even if offered BBQ sauce. Why, I'll bet you couldn't even cut the gravy with a knife!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Aug 13 - 12:27 PM

Such adventures we have had this summer! Attending a family wedding in early August sounds mild, but it can be quite risky. Consider these two words: Family Dynamics. As it turned out, the most dynamic of the family sibs wasn't there, sparing the rest of us the uncomfortable anticipation of histrionics. But it could have gone that way. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Aug 13 - 09:56 AM

You will be pleased to note that I have completed looting, plundering and burning the New England coast and am now in SLC. Soon I will be back in my little home in the hills, running my hands through the gold and gems and cackling miserly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Aug 13 - 01:08 AM

Argh, ye don't know the rattle of muskets and the thunder of cannon as ye board and loot a Spanish galleon laden with gold and gems and then sink her to the fishes? Ye be naught but a scuttle nurse, a bilge drinker, a land crab! By Neptune, ye be but a milk-livered landlubber!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Aug 13 - 05:25 PM

A.. were you asea overnight? I never liked being on the water at night in anything less than a big hulkin ship. Even then, I detested breaking thru ice and much preferred a calm and noiseless sail.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Aug 13 - 02:48 PM

Not so grand for my wrist, A. I gave it a go in practice... in short bursts on slow songs. Dropped a cup of tea between the hob and the keyboard next morn. I'll keep trying. We'll see.

"Merder most foul." HAHAHAHHAAAA!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Aug 13 - 10:56 AM

I have blown in from the far end of Northumberland Strait into Balantyne's Cove on the sheltered side of Cape George, and am safe ashore now. It was a helluva romp across from Wood Island to here, with large swells and choppy waves and a ferocious gusty wind that ran up to thirty knots at times. But the Kore Mikte was equal to the task and we hunkered down and trusted her. It was wild enough for me, having been off the sea for a few decades, but in fact we only reefed the main one point and left the jib unreefed, and despite the rocking and rolling, the boat was clean and sturdy and ran steady on. I was glad to have a veteran skipper minding the store, I don't mind saying. Overall a great sail!! WEather mostly perfect except for a little rain, and the ports and people we saw were fine and interesting visits.

Stay up there, me Mom!!

Well done Hranning, old son!! Keep it up!! It was a grand thing to hear.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Aug 13 - 10:46 AM

Merder most foul.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Aug 13 - 10:42 AM

That's caca.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Aug 13 - 10:15 AM

"Never in the field of human bullshit was so much owed by so many to so few."

- gnu, ca 2013

or


"Never in the field of human bullshit was so much owed by so many to so few."

- gnu, c 2013


Is that more what you had in mind?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Aug 13 - 06:40 AM

I have NEVER been to Circa in my life! That woman is lying. I demand a retraction, sir!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 13 - 10:09 PM

Well, Amos sure owes us a lot.

By the way, I have photographic PROOF that Amos' ancestors were nearly literate. Yes, the public library in Bah Hahboh is named for his family! Of course, they didn't know how to spell their last name, leaving the second "s" out. That's what I mean by nearly literate.

I also saw the Peavey Library in Eastport. It's got a cannon in front. Every public library should have a cannon or two. That's my professional librarian opinion.

I'm flying back to SLC tomorrow.

I see that the quarter-wit, the scurrilous, scrofulous, clapt-out Sham McBride, pride of the underside, has not seen fit to respond. Obviously he is again in the Blind River Free Clinic, getting his rotten crotch cured.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 13 - 03:23 PM

"Never in the field of human bullshit was so much owed by so many to so few."

- gnu, circa 2013


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Aug 13 - 03:19 PM

Never in the field of human bullshit was so much owed by so many to so few.

I salute the bullshitters in The Few Crew.

You can quote me on that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Aug 13 - 01:04 AM

Thanks for checking in. I'm glad to see that you're a couple of states and provinces away from Shane and his ilk. For so many reasons. . .


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