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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 27 Jan 12 - 10:51 PM
Rapparee 27 Jan 12 - 10:10 PM
gnu 27 Jan 12 - 04:30 PM
Rapparee 27 Jan 12 - 03:10 PM
gnu 27 Jan 12 - 01:33 PM
Acme 27 Jan 12 - 01:29 PM
Amos 27 Jan 12 - 01:17 PM
GUEST,freds 27 Jan 12 - 12:13 PM
Amos 27 Jan 12 - 10:45 AM
Rapparee 27 Jan 12 - 10:12 AM
gnu 26 Jan 12 - 11:30 PM
Rapparee 26 Jan 12 - 09:14 PM
Rapparee 26 Jan 12 - 03:33 PM
gnu 26 Jan 12 - 02:23 PM
Acme 26 Jan 12 - 01:27 PM
Rapparee 26 Jan 12 - 10:13 AM
Amos 26 Jan 12 - 10:06 AM
Rapparee 25 Jan 12 - 09:21 PM
Amos 25 Jan 12 - 07:27 PM
Acme 25 Jan 12 - 07:12 PM
Amos 25 Jan 12 - 05:34 PM
Rapparee 25 Jan 12 - 04:34 PM
Amos 25 Jan 12 - 12:42 PM
Rapparee 25 Jan 12 - 09:39 AM
Acme 24 Jan 12 - 11:40 PM
Rapparee 24 Jan 12 - 11:30 PM
Rapparee 24 Jan 12 - 06:38 PM
Little Hawk 24 Jan 12 - 05:36 PM
John MacKenzie 24 Jan 12 - 03:45 PM
Rapparee 24 Jan 12 - 03:38 PM
Amos 24 Jan 12 - 02:15 PM
Little Hawk 24 Jan 12 - 01:52 PM
gnu 24 Jan 12 - 01:30 PM
Rapparee 24 Jan 12 - 09:38 AM
Amos 23 Jan 12 - 11:19 PM
Little Hawk 23 Jan 12 - 11:00 PM
Rapparee 23 Jan 12 - 10:31 PM
Amos 23 Jan 12 - 02:08 PM
Rapparee 23 Jan 12 - 10:00 AM
Acme 23 Jan 12 - 09:52 AM
Little Hawk 23 Jan 12 - 07:03 AM
Rapparee 22 Jan 12 - 11:33 PM
gnu 22 Jan 12 - 10:44 PM
Rapparee 22 Jan 12 - 09:09 PM
Amos 22 Jan 12 - 09:06 PM
Rapparee 22 Jan 12 - 06:10 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 22 Jan 12 - 02:30 PM
Amos 22 Jan 12 - 02:20 PM
gnu 22 Jan 12 - 02:19 PM
Little Hawk 22 Jan 12 - 01:39 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jan 12 - 10:51 PM

All we have is hardtack and coffee. Sometimes we have coffee and hardtack. Once a year we might have salt pork and beans. That's not bad but by the time you sort the beans from the pebbles there's not much left. In the springtime we can go out and pick dandelions; they're easy to pull up once they've been sprayed. And I had an egg once, a long time ago. The other day the funny taste and color in the water was gone too, but now it's back. The fish taste funny too but not too many people get really sick.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jan 12 - 10:10 PM

Gee, I wish I could afford to eat like a Canadian. Maybe we'll have to invade, like we did in 1812.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 27 Jan 12 - 04:30 PM

I assume mine tastes like Bud and a rare rib steak with a baked spud and fried onions and mushrooms and French style green beans. It should because that is what I just had. URP!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jan 12 - 03:10 PM

Given my ancestry my DNA probably tastes like...well, nothing good.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 27 Jan 12 - 01:33 PM

A... saddened to hear of your loss of such a wonderful friend.

freds... I'll volunteer Rap. Beam him up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Jan 12 - 01:29 PM

What's the range on those things, Amos?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jan 12 - 01:17 PM

I'll go, but I'm not offering any parole for good conduct so you'll be taking your chances. I always wanted an FTL scout ship of my very own.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 27 Jan 12 - 12:13 PM

Greetings. We have been long absent from this region but have now returned. We will be taking some of your fellows so that we may improve the taste of your DNA. We would like volunteers first. Would any of you care to volunteer? The procedure causes only mild pain and when it is finished we assure you that we will hygienically dispose of whatever remains. Unfortunately we will not be able to tell those who may share mitochondrial DNA with you.

If you volunteer you will be rewarded by knowing that you will have improved the taste of the DNA of your race.

Thank you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jan 12 - 10:45 AM

Deep, subtle humor enriches the halls of Mom's mansion.

Why not give it a try?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jan 12 - 10:12 AM

Me an' my brother Tony were downtown one day and got to arguin' about who was the better shot.

Tony said, "See that fly on that parking meter about a hundred yards away?"

"Yeah," I replied. And BANG! Tony drew and shot the fly dead. He holsterd his shootin' iron and said, "Top THAT!"

I said, "See that fly on the top of the courthouse lightin' rod?"

"Yup," he answered.

I whipeed out the ol' .45 and fired one round.

"You missed," Tony responded.

"No," I said. "I hit what I aimed at, and that there fly'll never reproduce."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Jan 12 - 11:30 PM

I am not suppose to cross my legs. But, that old joke makes me want to do so.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jan 12 - 09:14 PM

The Three Samurai

There once was a powerful old Japanese emperor who needed a new chief samurai. So he sent out a declaration throughout the entire known world that he was searching for a chief.

A year passed, and only three people applied for the very demanding position: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewish samurai.

The old emperor asked the Japanese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai. The Japanese samurai opened a matchbox, and out popped a bumblebee. Whoosh! went his sword. The
bumble bee dropped dead at the Emperor's feet, neatly chopped in half. The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!"

The old emperor then issued the same challenge to the Chinese samurai, to come in and demonstrate why he should be chosen. The
Chinese samurai also opened a matchbox and out buzzed a fly. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh! The fly dropped dead at the Emperor's feet, neatly chopped into four small pieces. The old emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!"

Now the old emperor turned to the Jewish samurai, and asked him to demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai. The Jewish Samurai opened a matchbox, and out flew a gnat. His flashing sword went Whoosh! But the gnat was still alive and flying around.

The emperor, obviously disappointed, said, "Very ambitious, but why is that gnat not dead?"

The Jewish Samurai just smiled and said, "Circumcision is not meant to kill."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jan 12 - 03:33 PM

Yes. Starting from the bottom.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Jan 12 - 02:23 PM

He needs a wing of the bat. Right up his belfry.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Jan 12 - 01:27 PM

I suspect the relationship with the teacher will be hammered - too many teachers going to prison for that kind of thing these days.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jan 12 - 10:13 AM

Got him a draft deferment. Then he had a student deferment until the Vietnam War started to wind down, so he never served in the military. That's why he's such a jingoistic hawk -- he likes to let other people and other people's children die.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jan 12 - 10:06 AM

Beauty is in the eye of newt.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 12 - 09:21 PM

When Newt was 19 he married his first wife, his 26 year old geometry teacher.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jan 12 - 07:27 PM

The Gingrich who Steals Virginity...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Jan 12 - 07:12 PM

Who is taking the Mortimer Snerd role?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jan 12 - 05:34 PM

I think he's the Charlie McCarthy role in the scenario.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 12 - 04:34 PM

Is Eric Cantor Eddie's brother?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jan 12 - 12:42 PM

Well, it would be nice if Bobert actually gets the cash. I am waiting for my second copy. The first one was real good!

Say, does anyone remember, back in the 40's, when "war profiteering" was a slur and a crime?

Are the war profiteers of the last decade the same ones who hollered loudly for war during the Bush years? Are they, too, many of the same ones who are balking at paying the piper for their jingositic fervor?

Inquiring minds want to know.

Could be this is all a smoky liberal fantasy, but I think if the numbers were traced down, we'd find a lot of the hands that were in the poeple's pockets during the war years were also holding up the stop signs at the SOTU last night. I'm talking to you, Eric Cantor.

Buncha snakes who are purely out of grass, IMHO.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 12 - 09:39 AM

I've still got the cash. I don't know if I should send it to him or to his secret Swiss bank account.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Jan 12 - 11:40 PM

I'm sure glad I'm not in Bobert's shipping department! Seems he fired the entire crew. Good thing MOAB folks only held the cash, didn't put stuff in the mail. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jan 12 - 11:30 PM

43600 to Scotland the Brave!! Toss that camber!!! Tilt that kilt!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jan 12 - 06:38 PM

And be sure to wear your support stockings and your overshoes!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Jan 12 - 05:36 PM

This is Shit-fer-brains Central here, eh? ;-D And we're proud of it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 24 Jan 12 - 03:45 PM

Well as the Cat's speeded up a bit, I thought I'd revisit Mutha. Nice to see none of you have gained any brains since last



00 post


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jan 12 - 03:38 PM

I'll help you along, Old Timer. Now, remember to put in your teeth and your hearing aids and wear your sweater when you go out because you might catch cold. And if there's no Boy Scout there to help you cross the street just wait for a policeman to come along and help you. Oh, yes -- remember to wear that big tag with your name and address on it; it's bright orange to you can find it easily and don't you dare leave the house without it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jan 12 - 02:15 PM

Appreciate it, guys. I needed enough "Likes" to qualify for my own FB URL, which I know have: www.facebook.com/AHJessup . I am feeling my way in this weird jungle of tweets, faces, pluses and amplified shallowness. It is a very strange journey indeed. Fortunately I have people to help me who still remember their youthiness. :D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Jan 12 - 01:52 PM

I don't do Facebook much. Seems mostly like a waste of time to me, and there are troubling issues about privacy. In regards to the latter concern, I recently replaced my Facebook photo with a photo of Joan Baez and Bob Dylan performing at the March on Washington in 1963. Since they are like the Yin and Yang of me, I thought the picture would suit very well to represent me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Jan 12 - 01:30 PM

A... I certainly would but I don't do face.

Yes, the cover looks great, eh!?

Hmmm... should that be "?!"?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jan 12 - 09:38 AM

I dunno. I was walking by the butcher shop and, well, it was messy and sticky. As I walked home to clean up the cops stopped me and took me first to the cop shop and then to the hospital. After I told them there that I'd been washed in the blood of the lamb they hosed me off and put me in a room with really soft walls. Did YOU ever try to eat with a rubber spoon? And that jacket will never make GQ! Finally they decided that there was nothing much wrong with me that something called "ECT" couldn't cure and so here I am back, whoever I am.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jan 12 - 11:19 PM

The penultimate one. That's why he always speaks in lambent penultimeter.

I would be most grateful if you would drop by my newly published page for my future writing enterprises and give it a "Like":

https://www.facebook.com/pages/A-H-Jessup/200564656672881

If you'd like to be added to the notification list as well, just drop by:

www.ahjessup.com

and click on the Get Notified button. The first book, "Beyond the Cascade" is a humdinger and will be going public soon!!

Many, many thanks!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Jan 12 - 11:00 PM

Which lamb?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jan 12 - 10:31 PM

I'm washed in the blood of the lamb.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jan 12 - 02:08 PM

I always wash before I eat. I washed, for example, on New YEar's day, so I figure I'm good for the future indefinitely. I was also washed when I was born, I am told, so I am doubly good.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jan 12 - 10:00 AM

Mom doesn't care, as long as we wash before we eat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Jan 12 - 09:52 AM

Brush and floss or flush and dross, it's all fodder here at MOAB.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Jan 12 - 07:03 AM

Dracula always cleaned up after himself. Why wouldn't Amos?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jan 12 - 11:33 PM

Of course! After he finishes, of course.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Jan 12 - 10:44 PM

Brush and floss?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jan 12 - 09:09 PM

So by Getaway you'll be ripping and tearing raw red meat to pieces while blood drips off your chin?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jan 12 - 09:06 PM

To answer Still's question: this installation of sockets is the last hard step. It is followed by six months healing while the bones grow around the sockets, with one checkup in between. Then, finally the actual teeth get installed into the sockets, and presto change-o! Instant carnivore!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jan 12 - 06:10 PM

Well, they sure didn't airbrush out Chongo's gray whiskers and gray finger hair (we know where THAT comes from!). What's even more interesting is that the ape in the picture is female -- look closely. So, now the Truth About Chongo comes out, hmmm?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 22 Jan 12 - 02:30 PM

I see that my political enemies have airbrushed out the swimsuit, like usual, just tryin' to make me look bad again. Well, let 'em try! Their flimsy allegations ain't gonna stick.

That was definitely a fun afternoon, and the gals were great.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jan 12 - 02:20 PM

Ya know, Chongo really missed the big banana in his choice of careers. This is one of his peer group who made good.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Jan 12 - 02:19 PM

Well, remember the story I told you about the time buddy with the broken wrsit got outta jail for beating on another guy? THAT is trailer park material.

It's a long story... but... Dale got buddy to punch him in his steel hard abs... with his broken wrist. No shit. I saw it happen. I moved on. It was 6AM and I was just being neighbourly by stopping along my way to chat for a brief moment and pretending to partake of "the jug" of orange Kool-Aid and alcool.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Jan 12 - 01:39 PM

They should make a TV show about those camps, gnu. Sort of like "Trailer Park Boys" only in the bush. (no pun intended)


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Mudcat time: 17 August 5:34 PM EDT

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