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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 23 Sep 11 - 10:49 AM
Rapparee 23 Sep 11 - 09:03 AM
Acme 23 Sep 11 - 08:59 AM
Rapparee 22 Sep 11 - 09:46 PM
gnu 22 Sep 11 - 06:55 PM
Amos 22 Sep 11 - 04:58 PM
Rapparee 22 Sep 11 - 03:10 PM
Amos 22 Sep 11 - 02:39 PM
Little Hawk 22 Sep 11 - 01:52 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 22 Sep 11 - 01:38 PM
gnu 22 Sep 11 - 01:31 PM
Amos 22 Sep 11 - 10:27 AM
Amos 22 Sep 11 - 09:23 AM
GUEST,Guest from Sanity 21 Sep 11 - 11:36 PM
Acme 21 Sep 11 - 10:47 PM
gnu 21 Sep 11 - 09:32 PM
Rapparee 21 Sep 11 - 07:04 PM
gnu 21 Sep 11 - 06:54 PM
Rapparee 21 Sep 11 - 05:27 PM
gnu 21 Sep 11 - 04:55 PM
gnu 21 Sep 11 - 02:56 PM
Rapparee 21 Sep 11 - 02:10 PM
Amos 21 Sep 11 - 01:17 PM
GUEST,Paco Gonzalez 21 Sep 11 - 11:55 AM
MMario 21 Sep 11 - 11:07 AM
Amos 21 Sep 11 - 10:13 AM
Rapparee 21 Sep 11 - 09:11 AM
GUEST,Guest from Sanity 21 Sep 11 - 12:48 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 20 Sep 11 - 11:04 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 20 Sep 11 - 10:57 PM
Acme 20 Sep 11 - 10:44 PM
Rapparee 20 Sep 11 - 10:43 PM
Amos 20 Sep 11 - 09:55 PM
Rapparee 20 Sep 11 - 09:08 PM
Acme 20 Sep 11 - 07:58 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 20 Sep 11 - 06:25 PM
gnu 20 Sep 11 - 05:01 PM
Amos 20 Sep 11 - 03:00 PM
Rapparee 20 Sep 11 - 02:55 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 20 Sep 11 - 12:39 PM
Rapparee 20 Sep 11 - 10:26 AM
Amos 20 Sep 11 - 09:27 AM
Rapparee 20 Sep 11 - 12:01 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 19 Sep 11 - 11:33 PM
Little Hawk 19 Sep 11 - 11:32 PM
Rapparee 19 Sep 11 - 09:39 PM
Rapparee 19 Sep 11 - 09:28 PM
Acme 19 Sep 11 - 06:08 PM
Little Hawk 19 Sep 11 - 05:59 PM
gnu 19 Sep 11 - 05:13 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Sep 11 - 10:49 AM

Bad influence? Bad INFLUENCE? Let me refresh our memories as to the nature, character, inner beingness, goals, purposes and raisons d'etre of Our Mommme.   I begin by remembering what it is she is indeed the mother of: "All BS".

Now if you care to peruse the last, say, five or ten thousand posts in this GLorious THreade and sort them by author and by BS quality --say 5 being "Inspired creative BS of the first order" and 1 being lackwit mercantilism or quotidien recitation or some such---you will find that Rapparree and I, joined I am sure by Little Hawk, are the undisputed record holders for the generation of high-quality BS.

We loft our Mother on high over and over with our fancies and our untrammeled irresponsibility, our semantic explosives and our idyllic indifference to mere order and rotund routine.

If this is being a Bad Influence, let us make the most of it!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Sep 11 - 09:03 AM

See, Chongo is a rhesus monkey who took HGH in his youth thinking that it would make him into Homo Sapiens Sapiens. It didn't, but while it helped his growth it stunted his mind. One day, he cut off his own tail to pretend he was a human. Then he settled for second-or-worse best and claimed to the a chimpanzee rather than shave what passes for his body.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Sep 11 - 08:59 AM

You guys are such a bad influence! Look at MOM, she has a banana AND a gun in her pockets and her pants are sagging all over the place. I found her sagged down here near the bottom.

I turned the banana into breakfast and put the gun back in the hardware drawer. She uses the butt to pound on nuts to crack the shells. Sheesh. That old pistol would never fire anyway, it's all gummed up from sitting on top of the fridge for so long and collecting cooking grease.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Sep 11 - 09:46 PM

Nah, that's a pistol. I'm not at all happy ta see ya.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Sep 11 - 06:55 PM

In yer pocket?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Sep 11 - 04:58 PM

YEah, that's what Chinga says, too--"Licit, illicit, schmissit!! As long as there's a banana in it somewhere!!"



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Sep 11 - 03:10 PM

If you know who to pay off, you can get anything in Chicago. Even a monkey can whatever it is monkeys want -- a poo-flinging license, probably. So Congo having a driver's license as well as a poo-flinging license doesn't surprise me. Besides, he's probably Rahm Emanuel's "significant other." I have heard from my friends who are organ grinders that some people sometimes use monkeys like Chongo for, ah, illicit purposes. The monkey doesn't care.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Sep 11 - 02:39 PM

How did Chongo get a driver's license? Pretending to be Mayor Daley?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Sep 11 - 01:52 PM

That clip with Nana Mouskouri and Julio Iglesias is really sweet, Amos. They do the song beautifully together.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 22 Sep 11 - 01:38 PM

I don't have a mean streak either, and that is why I called for an ambulance after beatin' senseless this idiot that was tryin' to break into my car. A mean person would just have left him layin' there or thrown him into the river.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Sep 11 - 01:31 PM

Funny about ceratin memories that spring to your mind right away. Bro had a mean streak in him... long story but I understand why. We were having some ales after he took a large buck and he ws sitting in a lawn chair. Had his 308 semi beside him with the butt on the ground. I was about ten feet away having a piss and he let four go fast. Good thing the little fellah was doing what he does second best at that moment. I was severely pissed off.

That's not the momory... Bro fell asleep in the lawn chair after several ales with a lit smoke between his fingers. I do not have a mean streak. Far from it, but I was severely pissed off.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Sep 11 - 10:27 AM

The whole song by TWO stars.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Sep 11 - 09:23 AM

I had a brother, also now gone, who did not hunt. But he played the SPanish guitar and his Cucucuru, Paloma would leave you in tears. He was a worldly man, serving in embassies in Caracas, Thessalonika, and other places, and a great peacemaker.

Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, cantaba,

ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, gemía,

Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, cantaba,

de pasión mortal moría.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 11:36 PM

Little Hawk, Did you check your mail?..and were you able to open them??
let me know, OK?

GfS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 10:47 PM

Hahaha! "Tumadre" - reminds me of a funny essay about childhood a friend wrote. He grew up in Southern California and any insult began with "tu madre" and from there you knew it was bad. So if they so much as uttered "tu madre" they'd get clobbered before they uttered the rest. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 09:32 PM

Oh Rap... thanks for sharing that. You... know. I lost my bro a while back too and I am taken back to stories of he and I telling lies. Sniff.

gnightgnu


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 07:04 PM

You can have both, gnu. Somewhere there is a picture of my brother and a whitetail doe he'd shot. We found some shed antlers and he held them to the deer's head with the "bend" pointing outwards. He must have shown that picture to fifty people at the Illinois State Police headquarters where he worked before someone said, "Hey! Those antlers are on backwards!"

Had a good deer hunt last year, too. Three of us old guys sat by the stove, drinkin' coffee and swappin' lies. We let the young 'uns go off to shoot deer...gets right chilly them Fall mornings and the farmers have fertilized them hills so they're a lot higher than they once were. But we have the memories we created, and no camera could have caught those. That was, for example, the last time my youngest brother would ever hunt....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 06:54 PM

I used to watch them for hours, Rap. Sit on a log and watch them at my feet. When I was a lad, before the coyotes (Eastern Brush Wolves) came back I could watch flocks, sometimes two hens with broods of 12 to 16 each together. That was early fall. Come late fall... lunch time. If only I had carried a camera... partridge... deer... bear... moose... I watched a cow moose do a piss dance 20feet from me. That's a Kodak moment.

I saw SO many things I wish I could share today with pics but I carried a gun... idiot! Saddens me. Especially Ralph eating carrots and sugar from my hand. He was about 1200 pounds and as gentle as a lamb. Then again, we were buddies. I suppose someone else, in the rut, might have run afoul if they didn't know what they were doing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 05:27 PM

Yeah, I know. I remember back when we'd go bird hunting. Find their perches and blast away! Gee, I wonder why you hardly ever see a passenger pigeon anymore....

Seriously, even if you never shoot anything (or even see anything) being out in the chilly air and watching the sun come up or walking through a field when a partridge explodes out of the weeds and scares the crap outa is and always has been wonderful.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 04:55 PM

Oh... yeah... I know SSG can (could come 11 to the ounce depending on the manufacturer but the CIL I used (sniff... they made the best shotgun ammo in the world before they got taken over by those nasty big Yank corporations) to get was 9. And that was in a high brass with a whack a powder. The Special Long Range Dynawad was cream man... No 6 could take budders 60 feet up at 60 feet out and not spoil the breast... with my Russian. I have a couple of CILs with more brass than plastic. Dunno what shot they are as the marks are long gone.

Gee, I almost miss hunting... naaaaahhhh.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 02:56 PM

I bought a Win 1300 Defender with an 18" open cyliner on it on accounta the clerk said I could buy a 28" vent rib full for it. I tried. Nope. I spoke to the VP of shotguns at Win and he asked me what I wanted to use it for... birch partridge. He said (NO SHIT) that an 18" open cylinder was the best for upland. I said, "Buddy, I got an over and under 28" vent rib full over modified made in Russia that could out perform that piece a shit any day of the week in the one by ones. He asked what one by ones were and I told him one inch thick pine trees one inch apart. Silence. I told him I was takin it back to the store and I did.

Now, if they gave you a trained bird dog free with every one a them pieces a shit... MAYbe.

Sorry for the thread drift... I am back to it... a 1300 defender loads nine 2 3/4". And, I prefer SSG load at 9 to the ounce. A course, I can (could) aim. >;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 02:10 PM

Mike Tyson? Mycroft "Mike" Holmes? Mike the Computer? Mike Patterson? Mike Frericks? Mike Jones? Mike Smith? Mike Vandergriff? Mike Angelo?

Please to be more specific, Chinga. Please don't be like your drunken, monkey-loving, flea-carrying brother.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 01:17 PM

Say Paco, you no-good cheapskate. You can bitch and moan all ya want, but bidness is bidness, and you slipped out the kitchen door with a $400 tab still outstanding. Not to mention that like my flea-bitten brother, you kinda walked out on the Missus when you were running up the tab at my renowned institute of carefree indulgence. So don't put on airs.

Chinga

P.S. Try one of the tetracyclines for your little peepee, but don't expect it to get any bigger. We both know that dog won't hunt.


C.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Paco Gonzalez
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 11:55 AM

Any side of la Chinga is the wrong side. You better believe it, hombre. One nasty monkey, that one. She take alla my money, I get the big medical bills mas grande later...and Leetle Pepe don't work right no more.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 11:07 AM

How the heck did Rap get on the wrong side of Chinga?

Boy - he musta done something REALLY mean and rotten....

counting down to Getaway.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 10:13 AM

Dear Terrible and Awesome Almightiness-head:

There is a hooming I would like to suggest for yer sacrifice which oughter send up a delightful smell unto You in the burning thereof. He is powful stubborn and damned obdurate, and pigheaded also. He is ungenteel and pursues weppins and tales of lust and glory. He invents fiction and fills it with drinking and other despites of Your Rules. I think he is a perfeck Candidate and would like to suggest you Take Him Up in Flames forthwith so that you might fully enjoy the stink thereof. His name is Mike and I am sure you know where hee lives, so go get him!!

Chinga T. CHimp

P.S. No-one knows I have a middle name so don't go spilling the beans but I will tell you seeing as how you are the T and A Almightiness-head: it is Tumadre. It's purdy but I don't ever want it known about for business reasons.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 09:11 AM

In one thing Chongo is correct: you are ALL figments of my imagination. Although I am your creator, I don't require obeisance or kowtowing or even admiration. Just a 50% tithe of your gross worth, followed by 70% tithes every months thereafter. And, of course, the occasional human sacrifice -- it seems to be required, but I'd settle for some good single malt.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 12:48 AM

L.H...check your mail.

GfS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 20 Sep 11 - 11:04 PM

By the way, Rap, I think yer choice of firearms is right on the money, specially in the case of the 12 gauge pump gun with 0000 buckshot. Good stuff fer short range cleanup. However, I have an established fondness and affection for the tommy gun that goes way, way back. It reminds me of my youth.

The best thing is to have all 3 guns handy, I figure, plus a couple of good handguns, and use whichever is best suited to the moment.

Then too, it don't necessarily hurt to carry a coupla grenades. Just in case.

And maybe a bazooka.

And some brass knuckles. And a sap.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 20 Sep 11 - 10:57 PM

You got it, Rap. Them first 2 quotations are exactly what I was speakin' of. So give it some thought. "The Amos" is sayin' that I am imaginary, therefore of little account in his imaginary order of importance. I am sayin' that he is imaginary too, and of equally little account in someone else's order of importance, and that he has in fact made himself up outta his own imagination. He is a dramatic character that HE made up! One day I will be proven right on this, cos "the Amos" will vanish from these Earthly haunts, and it will be as if he had never been, and others will take up the conceit of imaginin' that they are realer than Chongo Chimp...or somebody else.

Who ended up realer? Sir Arthur Conan Doyle or Sherlock Holmes? Whose name is better known now? Who will last longer in people's minds? Are either of them real or are they BOTH phantasms, one invented by the other? And who is to say where either of them lies in some eternal order of importance? I am still waitin' for someone genuinely important to enter the room....and it ain't happened yet! ;-D

- Chongo

p.s. I thought it had a coupla times....but I was misled in my judgement by certain basic lustful impulses connnected to looooong legs and other such aspects. It's an occupational hazard in my line of work. And it makes for real good drama.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Sep 11 - 10:44 PM

In with all of the monkey business, I hope you noticed the great news about The Cocktail Waitress! Another noir novel/film!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Sep 11 - 10:43 PM

Amos, which model of the Thompson submachine gun are referring to? The top bolt model or the side bolt model? I personally don't care much for either one (or the Reising Gun or the "grease gun") because they all fire from an open bolt, using straight blow-back. This allows too much chance for dirt and grit to get into the mechanism. Instead, I'd prefer a simple M-24 "sniper rifle" (for long distance work) or a 12 gauge pump shotgun with 0000 buckshot for close work (more led in the air than with 00 buckshot).

But, as they used to say back in Deutschland, "a chacun a son gout."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Sep 11 - 09:55 PM

NEver swap cites with the Manne of Booques, Chongo. It's a fool's errand. Like discussing Tommy Gun Etiquette with a North Side gorilla, or explaining familial desertion to your grownup little sister.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Sep 11 - 09:08 PM

Golly gosh darn, Chongo. You referin' to Billy Bob's play The Tempest?

...be cheerful, sir:        
Our revels now are ended. These our actors,        
As I foretold you, were all spirits and        
Are melted into air, into thin air:        
And, like the baseless fabric of this vision,        
The cloud-capp'd towers, the gorgeous palaces,        
The solemn temples, the great globe itself,        
Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve        
And, like this insubstantial pageant faded,        
Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff        
As dreams are made on, and our little life        
Is rounded with a sleep.


Or do you mean

To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,        
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day        
To the last syllable of recorded time;        
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools              
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!        
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player        
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage        
And then is heard no more. It is a tale              
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,        
Signifying nothing.


Or, perhaps,

I gin to be aweary of the sun,        
And wish the estate o' the world were now undone.        
Ring the alarum-bell! Blow, wind! come, wrack!              
At least we'll die with harness on our back.


But, of course, I couldn't expect a dumb old monkey to cite his so-called sources.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Sep 11 - 07:58 PM

Speaking of fevered imaginations, did you hear that a new James M. Cain novel has surfaced? Finished and unpublished but misplaced at the time of his death, it has surfaced. Story here. Now, the same guy who wrote Double Indemnity and Mildred Pierce and The Postman Always Rings Twice has another novel for those who enjoy a fervid imagination to enjoy. And most certainly to film.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 20 Sep 11 - 06:25 PM

You saps are nothin' more than figments of yer own fevered imagination and you just haven't figgered it out yet, that's all. Yer all walkin' around in a continual state of self-created fantasy, bein' the big star of yer own concocted drama of life, "the boss" or "the brain" or "the victim" or the "hard done by" and not one of you is wise enough to get the fact that that is all it is...and it's gonna end in awhile. Shakespeare summed it up real good one time. I think you know the passage I am alludin' to, so I won't bother quotin' it for you.

As fer me, I know that's all it is. A self-made drama. It's as insubstantial and temporary as the smoke ring I just blew at the screen here. The main thing is...are you enjoyin' the drama? And are others around you enjoyin' the part you play in it? Or are you causin' them pain and sorrow? I am definitely enjoyin' my part to the max, and I try to do some good as best I can while I play it out.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 20 Sep 11 - 05:01 PM

Would that include, say, Stephen King, or is that considered entertainment?

Personally, I find his imagination threatening by way of the fact that so many people find his works entertaining. Albeit fantasy, ya gotta figger there are some nutjobs out there that get off on this shit and then act it out.

I could be dead wrong (yes, intended) as I have read or seen few of his works. Just don't appeal to me. I am fond of humour or documentaries or biographies or... Blood and guts horror doesn't float my boat. Unless... maybe Rap and LH meet (in their minds, of course) and each die in a blaze of sword fighting and gun play.

More importantly, I have managed to defrost Mum's fridge in her basement.... 60 years old and works better than my piece of crap which started messing up at 8 months old. Thank... ah, er... fuck you Frigidaire!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Sep 11 - 03:00 PM

Being threatened by someone's imagination is not very frightening for some reason. Maybe we've forgotten how to be terrorized by unreality?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Sep 11 - 02:55 PM

Wadda ya gonna do, send a lemur after me? HAWHAWHAW! Go back inta yer cage an' eat some more bananas!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 20 Sep 11 - 12:39 PM

So, you feel it's okay to just go around insultin' monkeys and apes and makin' specist comments, do ya? Ya figger there's no consequences and no payback, huh? Just wait and see, loose lips, just wait and see. 2012 ain't that far off now.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Sep 11 - 10:26 AM

Yeah. That and some ugly, disgusting, nasty stuff I won't bother to repeat here. Monkeys are so far below humans in intelligence that we have to forgive their lack of propriety, I suppose.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Sep 11 - 09:27 AM

Ill mannered is Chongo's middle name, ya know?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Sep 11 - 12:01 AM

Yeah, Chongo. Taking it without so much as a "May I?" Sort of thing you expect from a monkey, ain't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 19 Sep 11 - 11:33 PM

That's right. Ook! Ook! ;-D

42100

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Sep 11 - 11:32 PM

And because it's been reserved for Chongo.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Sep 11 - 09:39 PM

I could just keep posting and nab 42100. But I shan't, because Mom raised me up better'n that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Sep 11 - 09:28 PM

Sorry, Prince Rupert.

gnu will do
What he has to
Come rain, sleet or snoo
gnu will do.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Sep 11 - 06:08 PM

I have several unanswered puzzle lists of names linked to events in my head that come under the heading of What WERE they thinking? - sounds like you have a list like that also, gnu.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Sep 11 - 05:59 PM

Absolutely.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Sep 11 - 05:13 PM

Nope. Better to be a duck. And (a) duck next time. Less stress is more better.


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