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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

gnu 20 Mar 11 - 05:12 PM
gnu 20 Mar 11 - 04:59 PM
Amos 20 Mar 11 - 04:37 PM
Rapparee 20 Mar 11 - 01:43 PM
Amos 20 Mar 11 - 01:17 PM
Rapparee 20 Mar 11 - 07:34 AM
Eiseley 20 Mar 11 - 01:36 AM
Acme 19 Mar 11 - 10:11 PM
Amos 19 Mar 11 - 10:02 PM
Amos 19 Mar 11 - 08:38 PM
Rapparee 19 Mar 11 - 08:22 PM
Acme 19 Mar 11 - 12:35 PM
Amos 19 Mar 11 - 09:35 AM
Rapparee 19 Mar 11 - 09:06 AM
Acme 19 Mar 11 - 02:14 AM
Little Hawk 19 Mar 11 - 12:47 AM
Acme 18 Mar 11 - 10:57 PM
Rapparee 18 Mar 11 - 09:10 PM
Amos 18 Mar 11 - 08:58 PM
Rapparee 18 Mar 11 - 08:25 PM
Amos 18 Mar 11 - 03:15 PM
gnu 18 Mar 11 - 02:41 PM
Rapparee 18 Mar 11 - 02:22 PM
Rapparee 18 Mar 11 - 02:21 PM
Rapparee 18 Mar 11 - 02:20 PM
Amos 18 Mar 11 - 01:10 PM
Acme 18 Mar 11 - 11:02 AM
Amos 18 Mar 11 - 10:05 AM
Rapparee 18 Mar 11 - 09:54 AM
Eiseley 18 Mar 11 - 01:05 AM
Acme 17 Mar 11 - 11:39 PM
Rapparee 17 Mar 11 - 08:41 PM
Amos 17 Mar 11 - 03:51 PM
gnu 17 Mar 11 - 02:45 PM
Little Hawk 17 Mar 11 - 02:18 PM
Amos 17 Mar 11 - 02:13 PM
Little Hawk 17 Mar 11 - 01:42 PM
Amos 17 Mar 11 - 01:36 PM
Little Hawk 17 Mar 11 - 01:16 PM
Amos 17 Mar 11 - 10:20 AM
Rapparee 17 Mar 11 - 07:12 AM
Rapparee 16 Mar 11 - 11:30 PM
Rapparee 16 Mar 11 - 11:18 PM
Amos 16 Mar 11 - 11:02 PM
Rapparee 16 Mar 11 - 10:14 PM
Eiseley 16 Mar 11 - 07:42 PM
gnu 16 Mar 11 - 07:01 PM
Amos 16 Mar 11 - 06:59 PM
Rapparee 16 Mar 11 - 06:21 PM
Acme 16 Mar 11 - 05:03 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 20 Mar 11 - 05:12 PM

BTW... 189.4# today. Been close to two years to take off the weight. I was 285#. But I carried it well... until I turned 50. Then it got to be a drag. A really heavy drag.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 20 Mar 11 - 04:59 PM

Piping hot curry? No thanks.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Mar 11 - 04:37 PM

That situation could turn piping hot in a hurry...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Mar 11 - 01:43 PM

Yes, indeed I do. My brother always wanted to play bagpipes and he was the one who discovered the trick of using a baby pig. You turn it upside down so its feet resemble the pipes, and you can raise the tone if it's a boar...I leave the how-to to your imagination.

Of course, my mother put a sudden stop to his piping ambitions....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Mar 11 - 01:17 PM

LOL!! What a wonderful image; as in all such pronouncements, I am sure the Great Rapp speaks from personal experience. Poor pig.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Mar 11 - 07:34 AM

You don't get "somewhat better" on bagpipes. You can go from "godawful" to "almost bearable" but that's like the temperature going from -40 to -38. You can get the same effect as bagpipes by putting a baby pig under your arm and biting its tail.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 20 Mar 11 - 01:36 AM

You should all come to visit us! Please do!

I took my middle son to a bagpipe concert for his birthday (his request). It was loud, but good. Tom is the youngest participant in his group bagpipe lessons, and although he is still just using his practice chanter, he's diligent with practicing and is getting somewhat better.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Mar 11 - 10:11 PM

MOM, I poured a bunch of beer in small bowls in the garden tonight, hoping to begin trapping those pesky snails that gnaw on my seedlings. The gardener had a little beer also - salud!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 11 - 10:02 PM

Mom should know this:

Historically, tonnage was the tax on tuns (casks) of wine that held approximately 252 gallons of wine and weighed approximately 2,240 pounds. This suggests that the unit of weight measurement, long tons (also 2,240 lb) and tonnage both share the same etymology. The confusion between weight based terms (deadweight and displacement) stems from this common source and the eventual decision to assess dues based on a ship's deadweight rather than counting the tuns of wine. In 1720 the Builder's Old Measurement Rule was adopted to estimate deadweight from the length of keel and maximum breadth or beam of a ship. This overly simplistic system was replaced by the Moorsom System in 1854 and calculated internal volume, not weight. This system evolved into the current set of internationally accepted rules and regulations.

When steamships came into being, they could carry less cargo, size for size, than sailing ships. As well as spaces taken up by boilers and steam engines, steamships carried extra fresh water for the boilers as well as coal for the engines. Thus, to move the same volume of cargo as a sailing ship, a steamship would be considerably larger than a sailing ship.

"Harbour Dues" are based on tonnage. In order to prevent steamships operating at a disadvantage, various tonnage calculations were established to minimise the disadvantage that the extra space requirements of steamships presented. Rather than charging by length or displacement etc, charges were calculated on the viable cargo space. As commercial cargo sailing ships are now largely extinct, Gross Tonnage is becoming the universal method of calculating ships dues, and is also a more straight-forward and transparent method of assessment.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 11 - 08:38 PM

Correspondence of the New York Gazette.

Washington, Jan. 20, 18S8.

The Senate did not sit to day. I found the House engaged in a discussion, during the morning hour of a resolution recommending lo the President to enter into a negotiation with Denmark for the adjustment of the claims on officers and crew of Commodore John Paul Junes squadron, on account of two British prizes sent into the port of Bergen, by Com. Jones, and by the Government of Denmark, released upon application of the British minister. For the benefit of my One who may be interested in this claim. I will mention that Com Jones took two valuable English merchantmen when he was on a cruise, in the year 1779. and sent them into the port of Bergen. The Danish Government gave them up to its ally. Great Britain, on The ground that the capture was piratical as the Americans were rebels against their Government. At this time, the independence of Ihe U. S. had not been recognized by any power but that of France. But I)r Franklin, who was our minister at Paris, communicated the fact to the Continental Congress, and was instructed to demand indemnity lor the outrage. In those early days, you see, we had as much indignation ready, as we have nowÑmore, by a great deal, than we could turn out upon the occasion of the avowal of the Schlosser outrage. Dr. Franklin opened a negotiation with the Minister of Denmark at Paris, and it ended in an oli'er, on the part of Denmark, of an indemnity to the extent of ten thousand pounds. But the Doctor refused this, he having ascertained that Ihe ships had been insured in London at sixty thousand pounds. Congress passed another hot and flowing resolution on the subject, and sent John Paul Jones himself, as a special agent to Denmark, to "demand redress." This was just at the close of the war of our revolution, and such a step, at surli a time, shows that there existed a deep notional feeling, in relation lo the matter, which overbalanced any considerations of interest which might be connected with it.

Commodore Jones went to Denmark, and aftsr s. long negotiation, in which the Danish Government conceded Ihe principal of the liability* the final settlement of the question was, by mutual consent, transferred to the American ami Danish Ministers residing at Paris. But the American minister, Mr. Jefferson, had left Paris without doing any thing in the matter; anil, before his place- was filled by his successor, the French revolution ami its attendant wars broke off all diplomacy, except that which was carried on at the point of the bayonet. Thus was this pet claim of the Revolution dropped,and in the treaty ofours which followed, it was lost sight of. At length, when Gen. Jackson undertook to bring up all these old scores and to compromise them, he made a treaty of indemnity with Denmark. Some few of the old heroes, who participated with Jones in his hazards and perils and victories, yet lingered in the land, and they sent in their claims, supposing it to be secured under the treaty. The Commissioners replied to them that the treaty did not go so far bud;; that it was limited to certain claims growing out of spoliations during the wars of the French revolution.

(Excerpt from the Army and Navy Chronicle of a simpler time)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 11 - 08:22 PM

I don't know what she did, but tomorrow morning we're taking my Mother-in-Law to confession at the Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception. Must be something truly awful, although she's 93 and I can't imagine what it might be. Heavens! What she's done something so bad she has to go to confession in ROME????


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Mar 11 - 12:35 PM

I was up late! I'd been on one of those marathon phone calls with an old friend whose husband died of cancer last week. There was a lot to thrash through, and I mention it here, because she encountered a helluva lot of BS along the way, interspersed with very helpful people who beat back the purveyors of BS (that was a more toxic variety than one would ever encounter here.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 11 - 09:35 AM

All night I've slept and dreamed in peace, without pain from my bladder.
Deeeeear bladder!.
My dreams and I, with hearts raised high ,
Can dream and fly although we drank
clear wa-ter.... bathroom faucet wa-ter.

When the night is done
ANd your dreaming time has gone
And you'd like to linger on
But the wakeup call has come --
Bladder!
Fuuuuuull blaaader!!

(Clip clop sound of Mickey Mouse slippers on linoleum fades into background)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 11 - 09:06 AM

No, you come visit me. Eiseley's there, so you'll get a two-fer.

(See, I'm not really there, I'm here and not there. I mean, I'm in Maryland and Eiseley is supposed to be in Idaho. I had originally written "Eiseley's here" but she's not. My wife's here, not Eiseley, and I don't want to sully the reputation of a colleague by implying stuff. So don't visit Idaho until I get back and then you can get a two-fer, okay?)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Mar 11 - 02:14 AM

You should come visit several folks in the lower 48. If Bee-Dubya-Ell is around (remember him?) you could start if Flori-bama, then come through Texas, hop over to San Diego, then up to Pocatello before heading back across the border.

(Actually, you should, George. Bring your guitar with you. I'd love to have you come visit, and I know I can speak for Bruce and Amos and Mike in this!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Mar 11 - 12:47 AM

He should visit me, cos I need to get off the computer too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Mar 11 - 10:57 PM

Rap, you need to get off the computer and go visit with some people. MOM can wait. For a little while, anyway!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 11 - 09:10 PM

I've told ya before, garsoon, that's yer a poor wretch of a man if you can't at least copy & paste the first line to a search engine and find a translation. Note, if ya please, that I posted Pearse's version of 1909, not the Jacobite one.

When ya refer to "The Rising Of The Moon" do ya refer to the original version by John Keegan Casey (written ca. 1865) or one of the many variants?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 11 - 08:58 PM

This from a man who sings "The Rising of the Moon" every time his manhood wakes up...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 11 - 08:25 PM

Ah, Amos, ya blatherskite rogue of a Connecticut Yankee who was kicked out of King Arthur's Court! Well, as Pearse wrote:

CHORUS:   Óró, sé do bheatha 'bhaile,
    Óró, sé do bheatha 'bhaile,[3]
    Óró, sé do bheatha 'bhaile
    Anois ar theacht an tsamhraidh.

    'Sé do bheatha, a bhean ba léanmhar,
    Do b' é ár gcreach tú bheith i ngéibheann,
    Do dhúiche bhreá i seilbh méirleach,
    Is tú díolta leis na Gallaibh.

       Chorus

    A bhuí le Rí na bhFeart go bhfeiceam,
    Mura mbeam beo ina dhiaidh ach seachtain,
    Gráinne Mhaol agus míle gaiscíoch,
    Ag fógairt fáin ar Ghallaibh.

       Chorus

    Tá Gráinne Mhaol ag teacht thar sáile,
    Óglaigh armtha léi mar gharda,
    Gaeil iad féin is ní Gaill[4] ná Spáinnigh,
    Is cuirfidh siad ruaig ar Ghallaibh.

       Chorus

You'll do as well as anyone to carry a pike and wear a greatcoat with barley in yer pockets.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 11 - 03:15 PM

Ah, you are the perennial rogue, you are, and stealing from the Irish is an old custom for sour-brained auld Sassenachs like yourself. So I do not expect to see any sunlight at the end of that particular tunnel, not me. But niver mind. There is an infinite supply of Plastic Paddies ion the world who will supply an infinite number of schmaltzy verses in Dorian mode for your plagiaristic pleasures.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 Mar 11 - 02:41 PM

Say HI! to Sev from all off us. I do SO hope you get to visit with him if at all posible. Poor bugger has edured SO much as of late. It's heart wrenching.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 11 - 02:22 PM

40104! And dibs on 4104-W, my dear old grandma's phone number.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 11 - 02:21 PM

Aw, I'm sorry, Amos. I shouldn't try to fool you like that. I won't do it anymore for a while.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 11 - 02:20 PM

Hah! Put one over on Amos!

Gather up the pots and the old tin cans
The corn, the mash, the barley and the bran
Running like the devil from the excise man
Keep the smoke from rising, Barney

Oh the excise men are on their way
They're hunting all around for the mountain tay
Oh they won't go away for the devil of a day
In the hills of Connemaraugh

Oh here's a bottle for Uncle Tom
And here's a gallon for Father John
To help the poor old man along
Through the hills of Connemaraugh

Well, stand your ground for it's too late
The excise men are at the gate
Oh, glory be to Jesus, they're drinking it straight
In the hills of Connemaraugh


Sure an' I'll just keep stealing from the Irish -- Amos will never know now, will he?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 11 - 01:10 PM

Rapparee has no compunction in that department, I would hazard.

I love your pot poem, by the way., Your poetry is improving!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Mar 11 - 11:02 AM

And it's a good thing you did the laundry before heading out - those Silver Spring-area Mudcatters might be rather fastidious about other Mudcatters arriving with dirty linens. You'd have to air them somewhere.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 11 - 10:05 AM

That's important!! THere are many friendly mudcattersa in the Silver Spring area. Sandrolin and Gene, Severin, come to mind.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 11 - 09:54 AM

After being home for THREE WHOLE DAYS, Rapparee finds himself and his wife in Silver Spring, Maryland, visiting his MIL.

But we did get the laundry done.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 18 Mar 11 - 01:05 AM

Yay Moonglow! And yay, Stilly, for teaching her so well. I just got home from an outstanding concert. Time for Three, a trio with two violins and a double bass played a spectacular and exquisite concert. I'll try to find some links tomorrow, but I'm way too tired tonight. You really missed a good one, Rapparee, but I'll lend you the CD if you'd like.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Mar 11 - 11:39 PM

Moonglow came down for lunch today and we did a little shopping. I introduced her to some of the helpful attitudes that her MOM has learned over the years, like, it is okay to pick up the big roll of vinyl in the upholstery section and carry it to the cutting board. And if you see something you need that it looks like they're going to throw out, ask for it. They have these really heavy-duty cardboard rolls from the same upholstery yardage, and she needed some for a project. "Are these for the taking?" I asked. "Yes, as many as you would like!" was the response. Much easier than waiting for someone to carry the roll, or assuming they might say no. If you don't ask, you won't know.

She's 22, and she's a fast learner. Who knows what she'll do next time we're in the fabric store.

She graduates in August from UNT, Eiseley's alma mater.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 11 - 08:41 PM

IN THE HILLS OF SAN DIEGO

CHORUS: Gather up the pot and the old-time bong
The hash, the hemp, the seeds right or wrong
Run like the devil from the narcs so strong
Keep the smokes a-tokin', Amos.

Keep your eyes well peeled today
The big narc men are on their way
Searchin' for Tijuana tay
In the hills of San Diego.

CHORUS

A key for the butcher, and two for Tom
Another for poor old Father John
To help his prayers and hymns along
In the hill of San Diego.

CHORUS

Stand your ground boys, it's too late
The big narc men are at the gate
Glory be ta God but they'll be smokin' it late
In the hills of San Diego.

CHORUS

Swing to the left and swing to the right
The big narc men will toke all night
Smokin' up the tay till the broad daylight
In the hills of San Diego.

CHORUS

             --Trad. Plastic Paddy Song, ca. 1968


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 11 - 03:51 PM

The people who talked to this customer were not so much crooks as completely innumerate. They repeatedly lost track of simpople decimals, multiplaying kilobytes by cents and coming up with dollars.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 17 Mar 11 - 02:45 PM

Sounds like Verizon are crooks. Shocking?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Mar 11 - 02:18 PM

Wow. What a cool idea! I'll look into that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 11 - 02:13 PM

Buy, rent, or steal a second body, fully-equipped. That was you can keep one mouth for the dirty work of visiting such websites or talking to Chongo.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Mar 11 - 01:42 PM

My dear fellow, it is the only mouth I have! What would you have me do?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 11 - 01:36 PM

DO you talk to your mother with that mouth?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Mar 11 - 01:16 PM

Latest from the Ridiculous Business Jargon thread:

"I'm glad to see that we have well-trained personnel here who can prioritize language, thereby maximize their communicative efficiency, and achieve a clarificative level of dynamically accurate interpersonal information transfer."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 11 - 10:20 AM

I wish I were
A Plastic Paddy
Only for nights
In West LA.
And I would get me
A flask of green beer
To drink the night
Of LA away.
Where the streets are wild
And the crowds unruly
A roaring tide
From square to square
I wish I were
A Plastic Paddy
Wearing green braces
In LA there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 11 - 07:12 AM

Happy Patrick's Day, Mom. Remember: if the beer is green, it's not fit to be seen.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Mar 11 - 11:30 PM

Come you masters of words,
You who use the big ones,
You who enjoy poly-syllabication
You who make the bad puns.
You've never done nothin'
Except write and talk to enjoy
You play with folks minds
Like they're your little toy.

And I hope that your words fly
And your fame'll come soon
I will burn your thesaurus
In the pale afternoon
And I'll watch while you're lauded
On the Best Seller Lists
And I'll read all your books
'Tho I'll be almighty pissed.

    -- Zimmer Robertman, Masters of Woids
       (Saginaw, Michigan: Bob's Place, 1964)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Mar 11 - 11:18 PM

No, because innumeracy is rampant in our society. I blame the Trotskyites.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Mar 11 - 11:02 PM

Here's a challenge for you who are masters of words. Could you have talked this Verizon floor manager into doing math correctly??? This is one of the funniest and most saddening conversations I have ever read. But then, it's a matter of opinion.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Mar 11 - 10:14 PM

It is simply a matter of who is to be the master: you or the words.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 16 Mar 11 - 07:42 PM

Caterpillars have their way with anything they want.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 Mar 11 - 07:01 PM

Caterpillars have their way with anything they want.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Mar 11 - 06:59 PM

That;s like saying Rev. James Brennan has a way with young altar boys...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Mar 11 - 06:21 PM

Yes, I have a way with words. Like the Caterpillar, I will have my way with them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Mar 11 - 05:03 PM

Good list, Al.


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