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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 12 Dec 10 - 10:05 AM
Acme 12 Dec 10 - 02:06 AM
Amos 12 Dec 10 - 01:01 AM
Janie 12 Dec 10 - 12:34 AM
Amos 11 Dec 10 - 09:56 PM
Rapparee 11 Dec 10 - 09:27 PM
Acme 11 Dec 10 - 08:53 PM
Amos 11 Dec 10 - 08:46 PM
gnu 11 Dec 10 - 07:43 PM
Rapparee 11 Dec 10 - 07:31 PM
gnu 11 Dec 10 - 07:24 PM
Little Hawk 11 Dec 10 - 07:16 PM
Rapparee 11 Dec 10 - 06:28 PM
Amos 11 Dec 10 - 05:54 PM
Rapparee 11 Dec 10 - 04:23 PM
gnu 11 Dec 10 - 12:52 PM
Rapparee 11 Dec 10 - 10:28 AM
Amos 11 Dec 10 - 02:36 AM
GUEST,Alfred Hutton 10 Dec 10 - 07:31 PM
Rapparee 10 Dec 10 - 04:32 PM
Amos 10 Dec 10 - 04:17 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 10 Dec 10 - 12:51 PM
Amos 10 Dec 10 - 12:40 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 10 Dec 10 - 11:54 AM
Amos 10 Dec 10 - 11:39 AM
Acme 10 Dec 10 - 11:10 AM
Rapparee 10 Dec 10 - 10:56 AM
Amos 10 Dec 10 - 10:54 AM
Eiseley 10 Dec 10 - 10:42 AM
Rapparee 10 Dec 10 - 09:42 AM
Amos 10 Dec 10 - 04:07 AM
Acme 09 Dec 10 - 11:06 PM
Amos 09 Dec 10 - 10:43 PM
Rapparee 09 Dec 10 - 10:26 PM
Eiseley 09 Dec 10 - 05:53 PM
Rapparee 09 Dec 10 - 04:14 PM
gnu 09 Dec 10 - 03:53 PM
Amos 09 Dec 10 - 03:44 PM
Rapparee 09 Dec 10 - 03:10 PM
gnu 09 Dec 10 - 02:58 PM
Amos 09 Dec 10 - 12:46 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 09 Dec 10 - 12:35 PM
Amos 09 Dec 10 - 10:34 AM
Rapparee 09 Dec 10 - 10:30 AM
Rapparee 09 Dec 10 - 10:26 AM
Amos 09 Dec 10 - 10:21 AM
GUEST,Albert Schweitzer 09 Dec 10 - 09:05 AM
Acme 09 Dec 10 - 07:21 AM
Joe Offer 09 Dec 10 - 01:18 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 09 Dec 10 - 12:05 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Dec 10 - 10:05 AM

You've got to give them permission to go, and you have to give yourself permission to give them permission. It's all a matter of Love: loving yourself and having enough love so they can go knowing that it's okay. Remember that you never really "lose" them -- you just can't phone them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Dec 10 - 02:06 AM

Janie, you're grieving already, and it is worse when they pass. But it's like finally vomiting when you have the flu - when it happens, there is some relief. Not right away, but it changes. My mother-in-law died Thursday, so my ex and my children are in the place you anticipate. And I hope I can help them through it, but time is what is the best cure. Take care of yourself.

I'll save the BS for tomorrow. Sleep on it tonight. Take care, everyone. Give someone you love a big hug.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Dec 10 - 01:01 AM

There's no getting ready; and there's no way to take care of the situation at heart. You can smooth some of the logistics, but better to let a friend help with that. And this is the kinda thing Mom is for. So no sweat on that account. Continue breathing. Hearts are with you.

Is he ready to lose you?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 12 Dec 10 - 12:34 AM

Sorry Mom and sibs to abuse your hospitality. Just aint' no where else for me to say what I can not put into words with any artistry, or to anyone who has no expectations of me to "take care of the situation."

No words, no poetry, no music or verse. Not surprising. My art is appreciation, not artistic expression.

I can't seem to get ready to lose my Dad.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Dec 10 - 09:56 PM

Well, you were confused; you're not supposed to leave tomatoes all winter in the root cellar, man!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Dec 10 - 09:27 PM

The last tomato juice I made and canned tasty dusty but didn't make us sick. Haven't done it since.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Dec 10 - 08:53 PM

Unless it is something like "tailhook"?

Busy cooking up tomato juice and sauce this afternoon, and canning this evening. You boys just relax, but someone go dig around in the bookcase for that kiddie book about Little Red Hen. MOM is going to make you read it out loud first time one of you asks for a glass of this superb homegrown and homemade tomato juice.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Dec 10 - 08:46 PM

They mostly use them to symbolize the Gantlet Run at wedding ceremonies anymore.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 11 Dec 10 - 07:43 PM

Go Blue!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Dec 10 - 07:31 PM

The US Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines all have ceremonial swords. They are not trained to use them, however -- fencing has been discontinued in all of the service academies EXCEPT the Air Force.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 11 Dec 10 - 07:24 PM

And carrying a sword while fishing the West Branch of The Little Forks Stream is legal. Carrying a shotgun is legal too but it sucks in the alders and one-by-one pines. A sword on your back is also much lighter and doesn't bang you in the back so much as a shotgun does.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Dec 10 - 07:16 PM

The sword wasn't considered obsolete in the Japanese WWII military. However, they were very rigid traditionalists when it came to stuff like that. The swords carried by Japanese officers were very prized and sought after souvenirs by American soldiers who took a lot of trophies off the dead Japanese after the desperate battles that were fought on the various Pacific islands.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Dec 10 - 06:28 PM

Even in Hutton's day the use of the sword was obsolete. The use of his saber today is called "Historical Fencing" -- as is the style of fencing I grew up with.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Dec 10 - 05:54 PM

Well, all very beautiful, if arcane; but to wield a saber in the wild is surely an act of harmful intent, no? Not these carefully stage-managed scenarios of skill. If all we are talking about is a game of electronic blips from touchŽs, I'll stick to Angry Birds...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Dec 10 - 04:23 PM

Compare Hutton saber to today's so-called sabre fencing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 11 Dec 10 - 12:52 PM

Buddy shoulda got himself one a them there masks.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Dec 10 - 10:28 AM

Amos, perhaps this best demonstrates how Hutton's saber fencing is done. Note the masks, the elbow guards, the protective jackets, under which would be plastrons. On the other hand, note the choreography and generally wild gyrations done in movies, such as this.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Dec 10 - 02:36 AM

I thought the general idea of sabers was to empower the user to harm others, no? Or is this one intended for dress-up mummery only?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Alfred Hutton
Date: 10 Dec 10 - 07:31 PM

I say, why do you people believe that my saber should be used to harm someone? When properly used (along, perhaps, with one my small contributions to its use) it becomes good exercise and keeps the mind alert. I'm quite flattered that even so many years after my death people would be re-discovering the benefits of this exercise. Better that that of the bloody frogs or wops, anyway.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Dec 10 - 04:32 PM

Of course, since she works in a library Eiseley always uses a silencer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Dec 10 - 04:17 PM

Blatherskite--what a windy explanation for not explaining anything!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 10 Dec 10 - 12:51 PM

There is a remedy for pretentious, pontificatin', supercilious bozos like you, Amos, a way to cut 'em done to size and make 'em face up to their own mortality and their pompous delusions of grandeur, and make 'em bite the hard cold bullet of reality instead, but I ain't gonna explain it here, cos people might get offended, and it wouldn't do no good anyways, cos nothin' anybody ever says to you has any more effect than a pinch of pigeon shit fallin' on a whited sepulcher and I already know that, see? I would be wastin' my breath.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Dec 10 - 12:40 PM

But, sir! It is an ideal device for liberating the entrapped hirsute visages of overly-hirsute simians from their lower gastro-intestinal tracts when they have been lodged therein as a result of untoward and often unscrupulous calisthenics on the part of said simians.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 10 Dec 10 - 11:54 AM

That is a real nice lookin' sabre, but it needs the edge sharpened and a good point put on the tip. As it is now, it ain't good for much except moderately (so as not to do harm) spankin' one's gal (if she is into that kind of thing and likes it...which some do). If she ain't, though, then it would be little use at all. I don't see how they can figger to sell a sabre that ain't got a decent point on the end of it. It's too big to use as a butter knife.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Dec 10 - 11:39 AM

...where they start software companies and become trillionaires and fly over Pocatello six times a month closing hormongous deals...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Dec 10 - 11:10 AM

Sounds like Eiseley needs a comic strip drawn about her daily activities to truly reflect her work in Pocatello!

It might be nice tucked in with her master's thesis, if she has to do one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Dec 10 - 10:56 AM

No, sir! Sometimes I just shoot 'em, like Eiseley does. You'd be surprised how quick she can quiet Story Hour by firing just one bullet into the ceiling with her .45. And that creep-o the other day in the Library -- she nailed him at around 100 feet and, by using a ricochet shot, around a cornet and upstairs. She told the cops "Shucks, it was just like playin' pool, which I wouldn't know about because I'm a quiet, mild-mannered children's librarian from a small city in the Pacific Northwest." The cops gave HER their Expert Markswomanship Badge and the City Council gave her a standing ovation for "clearing one more creep and/or bum out of our fair and vibrant metropolis." The creep-o is recovering nicely in the local jail following treatment in the local hospital. He will probably be told to "get out of town" and given a ticket to San Diego, where we usually dump critters like that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Dec 10 - 10:54 AM

No, dingdong, not Hutton; the guy who steals it for you so you can fence it...sheeshe...tin-eared megalomaniac...what's a guy gotta do around here to get some plain understandin'...oy, such tsuris you give me, Rapparee...dangnabbed minicephalic troglodyte..sheeshe...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 10 Dec 10 - 10:42 AM

At least it's not another gun, your store of which I trust you will deplete by one, should you this pointed purchase make.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Dec 10 - 09:42 AM

Some sort of leather-faced, rat-like, second-story man? Alfred Hutton? I don't think so. And here is the PRACTICE, FENCING, NON-LETHAL sabre he designed. Goodness, Amos, but you must thing that I spend all of my time running people through and most certainly isn't the case!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Dec 10 - 04:07 AM

Yay for Eiseley, clean and wise,
And yay! for Stilly River's eyes!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 11:06 PM

Hey, MOM. Eyes are fine. Getting older, but okay. Baseline tests today was all. But that poking and prodding is tiring.

I went to bed early last night, got up early this morning to make cinnamon rolls to take to work. Lots of cream and butter and sugar. There are a few leftovers in the freezer. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 10:43 PM

I knew there was SOME explanation as to how you were making ends meet. I suppose you have a tight private connection with some little sawed-off gimpy-eyed, leather-faced, twist-nosed lowlife second-story man who will suddenly deliver this target asset to you for fencing, and probably a little black book of dozens of highly qualified extraordinarily wealthy marks who won't ask too many questions to sell it to...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 10:26 PM

I'm thinking about treating myself to a Hutton saber for fencing after the first of the year.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 05:53 PM

I don't even wear mascara!

When we were growing up, my sisters and I called makeup "Objects of true beauty" as in . . . "Hey Mara, where did you put the little brush for my objects of true beauty?"

"Don't ask me, someone's been smearing MY objects of true beauty all over the mirror!"

Mom really hates that.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 04:14 PM

Oh, you sneaky plaguerizer; you are SO close to the line, you better not toke one more take.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 03:53 PM

Sweet Jesus. Is he sittin in a railway station?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 03:44 PM

Oh, you saneaky plagiarizer; you are SO close to the line, you better not take one more toke.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 03:10 PM

It is a fair and pleasant day here in Idaho, with the skies smiling bluely and the sun dappling the greening land; to the West, the GrEat Pacific rolls gently in from the far Orient, bringing faint traces of jasmine, oolong, and the occasional used humdrum. Soft breezes are just now playing along the mountain slopes to the West, where the barren wastes of Oregon lie hidden on the far slope ready to ensnare any woebegone traveler who is foolish enough to want to leave this paradoxical countryside.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 02:58 PM

I'm friggin cold.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 12:46 PM

It is a fair and pleasant day here in California, with the skies smiling bluely and the sun dappling the greening land; to the West, the Grat Pacific rolls gently in from the far Orient, bringing faint traces of jasmine, oolong, and the occasional used condom. Soft breezes are just now playing along the mountain slopes to the East, where the barren wastes of Arizona lie hidden on the far slope ready to ensnare any woebegone traveler who is foolish enough to want to leave this paradaisical countryside.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 12:35 PM

That could be legit, Rapparee. It's exactly what I would've written to them Corinthian bozos if I had been Paul. The New Testament is not bad, but I think the Old Testament really gets a bum rap these days even though there is a lotta good stuff in it. Just think what Joshua coulda done at Jericho if he'd had a few Tommy guns fer the troops!

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 10:34 AM

Wow--"Self-correction and artificial-intelligence learning algorithms in imaginary identity structures"...wotta title for my next thesis.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 10:30 AM

Also, my vast knowledge of Scriptures (Christian, Islamic, etc.) tells me that there is no third letter of Paul to the Corinthians. I did find this, though I think it might be a bit suspect:

The Way Named Straight
Tarsus, Province of Syria

My Dear Corinthians:

I, Paul, by the will of God an Apostle, having written twice to you on several matters of great importance now find myself compelled to write a third time.

I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it any more.

SHAPE UP!

Paul, by the grace of God, Apostle to the Gentiles


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 10:26 AM

You think Eiseley is the Rev's alter ego? Could be, I guess.... She doesn't seem like a stump-jumper, though.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 10:21 AM

LH:

Tell Chongo fer me I think he's right and it's not my fault--turns out I had an ovberheated condensor in my strategic semantic differential tracking device whoich pointed me 37.23 degrees off from the correct universe of origin.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Albert Schweitzer
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 09:05 AM

Jimmy, God is laughing at you. He thinks you look silly with mascara running down your cheeks. He also wants you to know that the sauna/spa resort you invested in for the "poor" is not sanctified. Get used to the heat---it will serve you well in the future.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 07:21 AM

Pantyhose, huh! Garter belt and stockings more like.

If Joe had waited just a little longer, he'd have grabbed

38700

Small change in MOAB-land, of course, but still, a nice well-rounded number. Rather like that one from Rev. Jimmy Lee Staggers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Joe Offer
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 01:18 AM

Hmmmm. Rev. Jimmy Lee, I think you're getting carried away. I always thought Satan looked quite smashing in those pumps. Pantyhose would have completed the look, though.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 12:05 AM

You are a sorry goddamn case, Amos. It don't take a whole lotta smarts to figger out that whoever composes the Jimmy Lee Staggers posts, it is not LH. The fragmentation you are wearin' yerself out imaginin' on his behalf don't exist, chump. Someone else is responsible for inflictin' Jimmy Lee Staggers on a sufferin' world. My guess is that that someone else hales from Idaho, a place where "frag" usually refers to blowin' someone away, but that's another subject altogether.

- Chongo


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