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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 09 Jun 16 - 03:03 AM
Little Hawk 09 Jun 16 - 12:33 AM
Rapparee 08 Jun 16 - 10:46 PM
Little Hawk 08 Jun 16 - 04:08 PM
Amos 08 Jun 16 - 01:57 PM
Rapparee 08 Jun 16 - 12:03 PM
Acme 08 Jun 16 - 07:13 AM
Rapparee 07 Jun 16 - 10:43 PM
Little Hawk 07 Jun 16 - 10:11 PM
Rapparee 07 Jun 16 - 07:02 PM
Little Hawk 07 Jun 16 - 01:50 PM
Little Hawk 07 Jun 16 - 01:44 PM
Rapparee 07 Jun 16 - 01:04 PM
gnu 07 Jun 16 - 01:02 PM
Donuel 07 Jun 16 - 12:46 PM
Rapparee 07 Jun 16 - 10:31 AM
Donuel 07 Jun 16 - 09:54 AM
Amos 07 Jun 16 - 02:46 AM
gnu 06 Jun 16 - 11:05 PM
Rapparee 06 Jun 16 - 10:20 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Jun 16 - 06:35 PM
Little Hawk 06 Jun 16 - 05:16 PM
Rapparee 06 Jun 16 - 09:43 AM
gnu 06 Jun 16 - 08:37 AM
Amos 06 Jun 16 - 12:44 AM
Rapparee 05 Jun 16 - 10:31 PM
Acme 05 Jun 16 - 03:15 PM
gnu 05 Jun 16 - 12:28 PM
gnu 04 Jun 16 - 01:52 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 04 Jun 16 - 05:21 AM
Amos 04 Jun 16 - 02:37 AM
Rapparee 03 Jun 16 - 09:44 PM
Amos 03 Jun 16 - 02:16 AM
Amos 02 Jun 16 - 02:10 AM
gnu 01 Jun 16 - 09:33 PM
Rapparee 01 Jun 16 - 09:27 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 01 Jun 16 - 08:18 PM
gnu 01 Jun 16 - 05:33 PM
Amos 01 Jun 16 - 04:56 PM
Amos 01 Jun 16 - 01:38 PM
Amos 01 Jun 16 - 12:33 AM
Acme 31 May 16 - 11:45 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 30 May 16 - 09:36 PM
gnu 30 May 16 - 07:07 PM
Amos 30 May 16 - 11:23 AM
Amos 30 May 16 - 03:11 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 29 May 16 - 07:55 PM
gnu 29 May 16 - 07:47 PM
Little Hawk 29 May 16 - 06:45 PM
Acme 29 May 16 - 02:39 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Jun 16 - 03:03 AM

Actually, what I'm thinking here is that Chongo would have grabbed the camera, opened it up to expose the film, and then smashed it for good measure. I have a feeling he wouldn't like Mr Ballsworthy one bit. He would then have directed Ballsworthy to the door, possibly by picking him up by the scruff of the neck and pitching him through the nearest window.

You're quite right that Ballsworthy "needs killing". However, he is so much fun to have around for story purposes that killing him is kind of like killing Snidely Whiplash in only the 2nd or 3rd cartoon, if you know what I mean. A waste of good potential. There's nothing handier than a dependable villain who keeps coming back for more.

But, gosh, the very IDEA that Chongo Chimp would ransom off a young woman to her family to get a quick $5,000 dollars? Shocking! It's libelous. I expect you'll hear from the APP about this soon enough.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Jun 16 - 12:33 AM

You TWAT!!! You insufferable, pointy-headed, halfwit! You can't kill off Hector Ballsworthy! Don't you realize I've spent years developing that character? Don't you realize that legions of stupid, easily misled and poorly educated Britons depend upon his scandal sheet to keep them distracted and get their minds off their declining marriages, their financial problems, their awful jobs, their bloody government, their wretched cuisine, etc?

It couldn't have been Ballsworthy. Must have been one of his underlings. Perhaps it was Squidgeon or Styles.

At any rate, I shall require a revision.

Furthermore, you are depicting Chongo in an unfair manner. He's a distinguished presidential candidate, you know. He has a lot of respect in Chicago.

I think about 500 Hail Mary's are in order for you, my good man, and a week in penance, wearing a hair shirt and administering daily scourgings with a metal tipped Cat O' Nine Tails. Opus Dei is going to hear about THIS!

Nice decisive action on Penelope's part, though...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jun 16 - 10:46 PM

They were shown to a table, albeit in the back of the walnut-paneled tearoom, by a maitre d' who was obviously impressed by Penelope and disgusted with her companion. After ordering the tea and savories, Penelope again asked, "Where is Veronica?"

"She's fine, but you know I can't turn her over until the green crosses my palm," Chongx said.

Grimacing at such greed, she dug into her purse and placed five thousand dollars in the hand of the ape.

A flash of light and a laugh and an all-too-familiar voice cried "I have photographic proof of the decline of the Rutledge family!"

Penelope turned and saw Hector Ballsworthy, camera in hand, smirking at the next table. She said, ice in her voice, "Give me that camera, Ballsworthy. Now!!

"Oh, no, dear lady," said Ballsworthy. "You see, I now have proof...." The bullet from the little Beretta made a third eye socket between his two eyes and, looking utterly surprised by the turn of events, Hector Ballsworthy slumped to the floor, the back of his head missing.

"That tears it!" exclaimed Chongx, and clutching the money in a tight fist made for the exit just three steps behind Penelope.

Fortunately for them, the events had so shocked those in the tearoom that there was no alarm, no immediate pursuit. And, fortunately for Penelope, she had had the presence of mind to place the gun back in her handbag and snatch the camera from Ballsworthy's not-quite-dead-yet hands.

At the ground floor, as if by mutual consent, they slowed their pace to that of casual shoppers and gradually made their way outside.

When they were far enough away, Chongx said admiringly, "You're pretty handy with that rod. You ain't no hoity-toity chickadee, are you?"

"I am Penelope Rutledge, of a very old line of English aristocrats," she replied. "But do not for a moment think that that prevents us from being schooled in the use of weapons." Her voice was frosty, now that reaction was setting in. "When can I obtain my neice?"

"Okay, okay! I'll call you and tell you were and when. It'll be tomorrow. I gotta make some arrang...you okay?" Chongx asked as Penelope slid down the wall of a building beside the alley through which they were walking.

From her position sitting on the ground, Penelope blinked into the big brown eyes gazing at her. "Sorry. I was all taken about for a moment. You see, no matter how much I wanted to, I've never actually killed anyone before."

"You'll git used to it," Chongx assured her. "I take it that guy needed killing?"

"Very much so, and I'm quite glad I did it," replied Penelope. "A blight has been removed from the Earth."

"And you even thought to ditch the rod and snatch the camera! You're a smart skirt, you know that?"

Penelope pulled herself up with the help of a large, strong, simian hand. "Do you think you might summon a taxi for me?" she asked.

"Sure. Consider it done."

(More to come!!!!)

Ch


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Jun 16 - 04:08 PM

It's that kind of romantic tension that keeps people interested in a story, Amos....but the key is to never quite open Pandora's box (so to speak) in order to maintain the tension. Remember when they broke that rule on the show "Cheers"? Big mistake.

I have always suspected that Penelope may have a pretty lively sex life going on behind the scenes, but............my lips are sealed. Besides, "gentlemen don't talk".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jun 16 - 01:57 PM

I hope Penelope gets laid somewhere in all this foofara. It would be good for her, I think.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jun 16 - 12:03 PM

Well, I have a massage appointment in an hour and I must still shower, shave, dress, and get the mail.

Ah, the frenetic life we lead in Pocatello!

And tonight I must catalog my new books! However shall I get my nap in???


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Jun 16 - 07:13 AM

Gotta come back and read all of this (AND the backstory, as revealed by the creator!)

Morning, MOM. I'm getting up earlier these days, and checking on you before I leave the house.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jun 16 - 10:43 PM

Her high heels rapped a tattoo as she hurried along. No cabs available, and how very, very American, she thought.

Soon, Marshall Fields came into sight and she slowed, wondering where she would meet the ape and the girl. Walking quizzically along -- if one can walk that way -- Penelope was nearly knocked off her feet by a young woman hurrying past.

She felt pull at her jacket (Sarah Burton designed, of course) and realized, as she regained her balance, that it had been cut. The right side was hanging by a (what else?) a thread. And the young woman had vanished.

Then a voice said, "Over here" and Penelope tossed the ruined clothing in a trash can and walked across the street.

In the shadow of a deeply recessed doorway was the ape. He asked, "You got the other five grand? Cuz I got your little chickadee." His voice seemed to break on the last word, but he cleared his throat and continued.

"Slim don't like me. Never did, but now he hates my guts and everything else about me. He don't like gumshoes like me taking working girls from his stable. But the snatch was pretty easy, with me being a chimp and all," and he barked a short laugh.

A woman's voice said, "Laugh it up, Chong'. You put a paw on this limey and I'll drill you so full of holes there won't be any place to stick the needle for your embalming fluid!"

The chimp say, "Now, Renata, this is a job. Just another job. You know you're my main squeeze, baby."

"Just keep that in mind," said the voice.

The chimp turned to Penelope and said, "So, you got the moolah?"

Penelope said, "Where is Veronica?"

"In good hands and in good time," replied Chongx. Again, Penelope thought she detected a slight break in his voice but then decided it was her imagination. She wondered if chimpanzees could catch a cold.

"Let's go up to the tea room in that store -- Marshall Fields? -- for I hear they can do tea correctly. We can discuss matters over tea and scones, or whatever you people call scones." And for some reason she was suddenly happy that she had the Beretta with her.

(Tune in again for the next exciting episode!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Jun 16 - 10:11 PM

Now, a little useful information about Hector Ballsworthy. He is a British scandal sheet journalist of the most ruthless sort. He looks a good deal like Geraldo Rivera, mustache and glasses. He delights in hunting out salacious gossip about rich people and politicians, and delights even more in fearmongering accomplished through outrageous conspiracy theories and other hot topics like that. Whether he believes even half of what he writes is questionable, but his enthusiasm for publishing it is unquenchable. He is pretty well certain that most of the peerage, nobility, royals, and politicians have been taken over by reptilian bloodlines, that they drink human blood in secret rituals, and that they run the financial system. Given the nature OF the modern financial system, it's not really surprising that he would think this....

He has long felt that Penelope Rutledge is a pure-blooded human, but that she has been lured into the reach of the Reptilians by various cold-blooded types like Winston Wellington-Jones, Prince Philip, Tony Blair, etc.

Penelope thinks he is a raving lunatic who should be arrested and imprisoned for a very long time.

Ballsworthy has blogs on the Internet, a weekly public affairs show on TV, and a newspaper...The British Presse Independente (given quasi-French spelling to distinguish it from the Independent.

He claims to be a descendant of Robin Hood and Maid Marianne.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jun 16 - 07:02 PM

Oh,I wouldn't think killing anyone off! That would be an awful thing to do and I'd probably go to H**k if I did that! Oh, no! Not me!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Jun 16 - 01:50 PM

And so do I. I'd happily go out with either Penelope or Renata, were I living in some alternate Universe where it was feasible to do so....

(And don't kill off any of my main characters, por favor. They must live on in future episodes, just like Sherlock Holmes.)

Veronica Rutledge, of course, has the morals of an alley cat...as well as way too much money and leisure time...but you already knew that. Andy Warhol would have had her in his entourage immediately.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Jun 16 - 01:44 PM

HA! HA! HA!

This is pretty good. Okay, I gotta fill you in on Renata so you don't screw things up. Renata is a well educated and sharp dressing middle class white woman from Chicago, a lawyer, dark-haired and good looking, in her early 30's, has been serving as Chongo's campaign manager and legal advisor for the APP (American Primate Party), and is rumored to be his main squeeze...actually, his only squeeze, because as I said, she's very jealous. Picture a considerably tougher version of Mary Tyler Moore in her heyday, and that's Renata. She's just as tough and smart and exacting as Penelope, but she's a middle class American professional, as opposed to an upper class British heiress. Either one of them is not to be trifled with (which explains why Chongo likes both of them...he admires strong women).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jun 16 - 01:04 PM

The phone rang again. Penelope, half dressed, answered.

"Yes?"

"Madame, this is Hector Ballsworthy. I understand that your neice Veronica has been doing some riding at a stable in the United States. You might like to know that my research finds that Mr. Slim Thing is a lizar...." Penelope had heard enough; she slammed the phone down.

Finishing her dressing (it was a shame her dresser couldn't come along, she thought) she checked the contents of her handbag. Small as it was it contained the necessaries: lipstick, aspirin, a hankie, a small can of bear spray strength pepper spray, and the small 7.65 Beretta "Tomcat". She didn't like guns, but Grandfather had taught her to shoot and she was actually quite good.

Of course, it was loaded with "Defender" rounds that shattered and did tissue damage equivalent to a .45 ACP. Whatever that was, she mused. She checked, and there was indeed one "up the spout" as Grandfather used to say. Cock the hammer and she had seven rounds.

Carefully she pinned on her hat and left to meet The Ape (as she now thought of Chongx).

(Stay tuned!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 07 Jun 16 - 01:02 PM

Ooooo... intrigue replete with disguises and dangerous rendezvouses. Popcorn time. Extra butter, please.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 07 Jun 16 - 12:46 PM

54545 is coming up. Rap will not miss this one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jun 16 - 10:31 AM

"I got yer little bimbo," said Chongx.

"Who's Renata?" asked Penelope.

"I'll meet in the Loop, near Marshall Field's, around three" replied Chongx. "I'll have yer skirt with me. You bring the rest of the money and we'll make the switch."

"Who's Renata?" Penelope asked again, but Chongx had rung off.

Three. Morning or afternoon? Penelope wondered. And did that chimpanzee really have Veronica? Most stables weren't open to the public until eight or nine ack emma, she mused. I certainly hope that no laws were broken!

And she began her toilette.

(More to come)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 07 Jun 16 - 09:54 AM

con trails are real. as for chem trails, Edward Teller officially proposed the idea to the US gov. 26 years ago to modify local temperatures. Searchable FOIA.
Broaching far out ideas today is getting relatively harder, but there is fun in the esoteric without being married or devoted to any of them.
One of the funniest shows Rupert Murdoch has on cable is Ancient Aliens. The self proclaimed experts and authorities make me laugh out loud.


from the ministry of mudact propaganda...
I turned my good ear to the wind and heard 3 little words whispered that might turn hurricane Donald from shore. The 7 words one silently recalls after reading "Assume Trump President" is the real intent.

Forcing silent words to come from within like 'makes an ass of you and me' internalizes meaning like personal opinion. This is great propaganda compared to the trite stuff Hillary uses.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jun 16 - 02:46 AM

Fantasy runs amok! The unreal invades the pastoral pastures of reality, splintering the delicate threads of agreed-upon normality with ravenous, bleeding talons and beaks, throwing the gentle order of civilization brutally towards the maw of chaos, red in tooth and claw! The denizens of Reality are heartsick. They have always relied on their quiet mantra: "Well, dear, but _____ (Chongo, UFOs, NWO, contrails, etc.) aren't REAL!". But now, the lawless proponents of Postulated Rality have taken up arms and thrust their unwanted attentions into the delicate crevices of normal Reality, leaving her gasping and senseless on the barren verge! Ah, woe, woe to civilization! Woe to Normality! Woe to all that is real!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 06 Jun 16 - 11:05 PM

I wrote a verbose post about my angst re **** and shit but I deleted it. I think I am on the road to discovery... just ignore it and it goes away is my (hopefully new) mantra.

One learns, perhaps?, as time draws nigh? There is not much time left.

Yes, that is taking, perhaps?, punctuation licence.

Perhaps? me arse! I am breaking wind. In whatever direction it applies. Either you get it or don't.

It's cold and damp. I shall sleep well... snuggled in blankets. gnightgnu.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jun 16 - 10:20 PM

"God," thought Penelope when she awoke. "I've dreamt about that ape!" And she thought again how utterly delicious the dream had been and shuddered slightly.

The phone rang and Penelope answered it. "Bitch," the woman's voice said, "stay away from Chongx. He's my ape, see? If you don't, sure as my name's Renata I'll cut you so bad you'll fall apart when you nod. Capice?" And the caller hung up.

Penelope always liked a challenge, and one today, in 2018, was no different from the one she faced back in 2016 when she'd finally arranged for the "accident" with the Holland and Holland .600 Nitro Express in the Gun Room. Winston had turned out to be a bit of a rotter and her grandfather had always said that the answer was the H&H.

But she had to get Veronica back to England! The little ninny had come to Chicago and had somehow ended up in the "stable" of someone named "Slim Thing." Imagine! Veronica working in a stable! Mucking out after the horses, grooming them if she was lucky!

Penelope grabbed the telephone directory and quickly looked up "Stables." There were several listed, none associated with the name "Slim Thing." Well, it had been a slim chance at that.

The phone rang again. It was Chongx.

(To be continued)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Jun 16 - 06:35 PM

Hi, Mom! I don't really have anything to say, but it's getting so difficult to get on the Mudcat in general and the MOAB in particular that I thought I'd better not waste the opportunity.

So, I would like to take this opportunity to say nothing.

"Nothing."

There, I've said it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Jun 16 - 05:16 PM

Ha! Ha! Ha! I love it...

The fact is, Chongo does have some characteristics Penelope admires. He's an ape of action. He's ruthless...yet chivalrous. He's honest and direct, and he doesn't mince words.

But...he's an ape. And one without noble blood in his ancestry.

Hmm.

Bit of a conundrum, eh, what? Still, he's definitely a better catch than Winston...or, for that matter, than any of the upper class twits whom Penelope usually meets in her social circle.

But what would Chongo's gal Friday and campaign manager, Renata Carson, say? (She's known to be viciously jealous of any woman who tries to get near Chongo. She warned him not to contact Sarah Palin again under ANY circumstances!) For that matter, what would all of Twillingsgate say? Not to mention the hoi polloi in London! It doesn't bear thinking about. If that unscrupulous madman Hector Ballsworthy should get even the slightest idea of such a possibility, he'd have it plastered all over the front pages of his scandal sheet in a flash.

Meanwhile, her niece Veronica has been carrying on in the usual outrageous manner, having taken up with bad boy billionaire's son and notorious wastrel Basingstoke "Baz" Bilgeroar, in the press lately for fronting the entirely offensive post-punk British techno band FeckMuther...and that, fortunately, has keep Ballsworthy quite well occupied and distracted.

There's always a silver lining if one looks hard enough.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jun 16 - 09:43 AM

Back at the Omni, Penelope gazed at her trim, long-legged figure in the mirror. She ran her hands down her hips and thought, "God, but he's hairy! Still, there's something. No, no! Yet...."

She glanced at her Rolex Datejus -- it would be late morning in England, and she telephoned her solicitor and made arrangements for half a million to be added to her line of credit.

"Too hairy," she thought, as she fell asleep.

(To be continued)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 06 Jun 16 - 08:37 AM

I thaw poultry in the fridge on the lowest shelf. Health Canada also recommends using water in a pot for a fast thaw but says the water should be changed every half hour. Or, under running water... not environmentally friendly, is it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jun 16 - 12:44 AM

A shudder, perhaps of relief, passes through the assembled multitude. At last, relief! An end to the desperation, the lack of skullduggery, the starvation of the human need to be fooled, misled, taken advantage of! At last, our Wool-Puller has returned! Oh, Amen, and Thank You Jezus!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jun 16 - 10:31 PM

I am home. I have shot (with a camera) a black bear sow with cubs, a black bear boar (elsewhere on the same trip), a moose, a grizzly with cubs. I have seen wolves, elk, bison (ho-hum, another buffalo), mule deer, and a whole bunch of other stuff.

I am home. Stand by for another episode (thrilling, of course) in the Ongoing Romance of Penelope and Chongx.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Jun 16 - 03:15 PM

I fill a stock pot with cold water and submerge the wrapped chicken in the pot for a few hours. Doing that in the fridge seems like it would take forever. (This is supposed to be preferable to simply placing the wrapped frozen chicken on a platter in the sink and letting it stay there for a few hours. Parts of it can warm up too much and spoil before the entire thing is thawed.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Jun 16 - 12:28 PM

Abstract - This study investigates thawing a frozen whole chicken in a heavy plastic bag secured with a metal cinch by placing the chicken in a pot of cold water, covering the pot with a tight fitting lid, and placing the pot in a refrigerator in which the temperature is maintained at 4C. The chicken was three quarters submersed in the water.

Day One - The covered pot containing cold water and a frozen whole chicken in a heavy plastic bag secured with a metal cinch was placed in a refrigerator (fridge) in which the temperature is maintained at 4C at 11:00h. The fridge door was opened briefly twenty times during the remainder of Day 1.

Day Two - The fridge door was opened briefly twice before the chicken was inspected at 11:45h. The submerged three quarters of the chicken was covered with ice of thickness ranging from one quarter inch on the lowest submersed portion to three quarter inch at the water surface. The unsubmerged portion of the chicken was covered with a three eighths thick frost. The ice was removed from the chicken and the experiment was aborted.

Conclusions - Dumb fucking idea.

Recommendations - Thaw poultry on a suitable open platter.

Remarks - See Conclusions above.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Jun 16 - 01:52 PM

I saw a squirrel in my maple tree today so I'm good.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 Jun 16 - 05:21 AM

A wildlife viewing excursion should properly be followed by a wildlife eating excursion. Nothing makes you appreciate the taste of a bison burger quite like having seen that sucker on the hoof a few hours earlier.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jun 16 - 02:37 AM

Wildlife viewing! How very special!

What;s real, dude?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jun 16 - 09:44 PM

I think it's because I don't have regular Web access. Of course, we mustn't discount the possibility that Amos has nothing of any consequence to say.

And you might find it useful to get used to it, at least through June and into the first week or so of July. We will again be traveling, beginning around the 20th of June, to Glacier NP, Waterton, Whitefish, Helena, and such-like places.

Tomorrow evening, if all goes well, we shall be on a four hours wildlife viewing excursion in the Lamar Valley of Yellowstone NP.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jun 16 - 02:16 AM

I think we need to snip a few of the whippers around here. These like periods of moribund lassitude are discomfiting. Do you think Mom is going through The Change I have heard about?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jun 16 - 02:10 AM

Count on the Gnuzeer to get 'er said.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 01 Jun 16 - 09:33 PM

I whipered the snipper. I put in 25' of new snipper in the reel and fired er up. All 20ccs of fossil fuel driven FURY! I loikes POWER. I loikes ta HEAR power. Knows she's getting tha job done, eh? Now, fer the most part, I just lets me 20ccs idle eh? Idle. She's good fer yer weeds against yer basement foundation eh? Fer the odd dandy what grows up through the pave too. But, old man, when I gets er gowan under the back fence where she's thick, I depresses tha thro'tle full ta tha board and she wakes the dandelions what I cut last summer!

My son, my son. That there riggin will take 30 years of old paint stolen from the CNR (so's ya knows she tough paint roight?) clean off the basement wall eh! Dandelions don't stand a chance after they've gone ta seed even at idle speed. She's the clear rig that. Plus, like I said, weighs less than George's riggin and it makes far more noise. More noise - more power. That's the way it is. Better than yer lectric rig and far better than clippin em by hand. What's the fun in clippin em by hand? WHERE IS THE NOISE AND THE SMELL OF GASOLINE??


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jun 16 - 09:27 PM

How can I describe the beauty which surrounds me here? Unparalleled? Ne plus ultra? Wonder full? Yesterday I captured, on digital, a moose, two pronghorns, two bald eagles, and a grizzly bear (Number 610) with her cubs.

No, I did not get close to any of them for I would fain deny Mom her fave. I was at least 100 meters from them, but through the miracle of telephoto I was able to get some damned good pictures.

Did you know that if you have a Wyoming hunting license and your name is drawn you can be sworn in as a "special ranger" and hunt elk in GTNP? It's the only NP were hunting is allowed, and it's because of Yellowstone being the northern park border. Something about 20,000 wapiti being too many for the available food in both parks, between which the elk seasonally wander. How about if we all put in for a GTNP hunting license and have a big MOAB camp out and sing in?

What happens with Chongx will have to wait until I arrive safely home.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Jun 16 - 08:18 PM

Everyone whippers the snipper, but most of us don't talk about it in mixed company.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 01 Jun 16 - 05:33 PM

I have been busier than a lint picker in a blue serge suit factory. First boiled ham dinner of the season. Fresh green beans, carrots and cabbage and last year spuds with a smoked pork picnic shoulder roast. Then, I was busy with a nap. I didn't decide to have a nap. The nap decided to have me. Then I put the potted flowers in the garage on accounta this is NB... AC on all yesterday with the windows closed but hoody on today with the windows open. Might have frost tonight. Mowed both front lawns to wake up. I try to mow them twice a week this time of year after the dandelions have gone to seed. That's half as many times as George mows his golf greens. I may even whipper the snipper tonight.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jun 16 - 04:56 PM

The Grand Tetons are silent, as are the wild plains of Texas and the soggy backwaters of the Panhandle. The frozen North is silent. The godforsaken cul-de-sac of Blind River is a mushmouthed whisper. Mom sits alone, waiting and hoping that the phone might ring. The little black heart of her Bakelite rotary-dial phone remains cold and silent, silent, silent.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jun 16 - 01:38 PM

Which was, by the way, 54 thousand and 500 posts. MOAB dominates.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jun 16 - 12:33 AM

Well, the whole damn thing wouldn't come up at all for hours today so she'll have to suck it up. Even loyal sons and daughters can only do so much!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 May 16 - 11:45 PM

All I saw off the edge of the porch a few minutes ago was MOM, about 2 hours off of the bottom of the page, took a header right into the hydrangea. She's okay, but mad as a wet hen, because she couldn't get her feet under her to stand up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 May 16 - 09:36 PM

The Grand Tetons don't appeal to everyone. Some of us are more enamored of the summit of Big Butt Mountain in North Carolina.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 30 May 16 - 07:07 PM

He's there for the Maryjane, man. Good for the eyes, they say.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 May 16 - 11:23 AM

Does it strike anyone as poetically harmonious to see MOAB's own scion, who has always styled himself as Mom's favorite, wandering off in search of those Tetons? Are is that a stretchmark?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 May 16 - 03:11 AM

Fish Shit is the very bottom of the food chain, and deserves no place in the polished and hallowed corridors of Mom's place. I think friend Jack is angling for a buy-off in a thinly veiled spasm of white-collar ransomware. I say we get Chongo to shit on him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 29 May 16 - 07:55 PM

Personally, I think Mr. Jack Shit doesn't know shit about shit. Posting mule shit or bear shit on the MOAB is like selling enchiladas or shrimp scampi at a Thai restaurant. Different shits have different characteristics. Horse shit has a reputation for being happy. Owl shit is slippery. Bat shit is crazy. Chicken shit has a reputation for being, well, chicken shit. Fish shit is just too difficult to pronounce. None of them have any business on the MOAB. If they wanna be heard, let 'em get their own threads.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 29 May 16 - 07:47 PM

The Tetons? Have a grand time.

Yo, Jack Shit... go pound sand ya jackoff.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 May 16 - 06:45 PM

I don't know Jack Shit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 May 16 - 02:39 PM

That Jack Shit, he gets around!


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