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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Eiseley 19 May 10 - 11:28 PM
Rapparee 19 May 10 - 09:37 PM
Rapparee 19 May 10 - 08:56 PM
Amos 19 May 10 - 08:49 PM
Rapparee 19 May 10 - 08:40 PM
Amos 19 May 10 - 07:21 PM
Rapparee 19 May 10 - 06:15 PM
Rapparee 19 May 10 - 06:14 PM
Rapparee 19 May 10 - 06:13 PM
Amos 19 May 10 - 02:17 PM
Amos 19 May 10 - 12:07 PM
Little Hawk 19 May 10 - 11:37 AM
MMario 19 May 10 - 11:19 AM
Rapparee 19 May 10 - 11:15 AM
MMario 19 May 10 - 11:05 AM
Amos 19 May 10 - 10:48 AM
Rapparee 18 May 10 - 08:35 PM
Acme 18 May 10 - 07:23 PM
Rapparee 18 May 10 - 06:27 PM
Amos 18 May 10 - 04:09 PM
Rapparee 18 May 10 - 02:06 PM
Acme 18 May 10 - 01:50 PM
Amos 18 May 10 - 12:08 PM
Rapparee 18 May 10 - 11:43 AM
GUEST,Eiseley 18 May 10 - 11:25 AM
Amos 18 May 10 - 10:00 AM
Rapparee 18 May 10 - 09:51 AM
MMario 18 May 10 - 09:48 AM
Rapparee 18 May 10 - 09:44 AM
Acme 18 May 10 - 12:33 AM
Amos 17 May 10 - 11:40 PM
Rapparee 17 May 10 - 09:05 PM
Amos 17 May 10 - 07:49 PM
GUEST,Eiseley 17 May 10 - 07:20 PM
Rapparee 17 May 10 - 06:50 PM
Little Hawk 17 May 10 - 05:17 PM
gnu 17 May 10 - 05:12 PM
GUEST,Eiseley 17 May 10 - 04:20 PM
Acme 17 May 10 - 03:06 PM
MMario 17 May 10 - 03:01 PM
Amos 17 May 10 - 02:54 PM
Rapparee 17 May 10 - 02:46 PM
Rapparee 17 May 10 - 02:39 PM
Amos 17 May 10 - 01:09 PM
Amos 17 May 10 - 11:33 AM
MMario 17 May 10 - 10:26 AM
Rapparee 17 May 10 - 09:37 AM
Acme 16 May 10 - 11:43 PM
Janie 16 May 10 - 10:59 PM
Amos 16 May 10 - 09:21 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 19 May 10 - 11:28 PM

Ausgezeichnet, Buchmann!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 10 - 09:37 PM

Hora aderat briligi. Nunc et Slythia Tova
Plurima gyrabant gymbolitare vabo;
Et Borogovorum mimzebant undique formae,
Momiferique omnes exgrabuere Rathi.

"Cave, Gaberbocchum moneo tibi, nate, cavendum!
(Unguibus ille rapit. Dentibus ille necat.)
Et fuge Jubbubum, quo non infestior ales,
Et Bandersnatcham, quae fremit usque, cave."

Ille autem gladium vorpalem cepit, et hostem
Manxonium longa sedulitate petit;
Tum sub tumtummi requiescens arboris umbra
Stabat tranquillus, multa animo meditans.

Dum requiescebat meditans uffishia, monstrum
Praesens ecce! oculis cui fera flamma micat,
Ipse Gaberbocchus dumeta per horrida sifflans
Ibat, et horrendum burbuliabat iens!

Ter, quater, atque iterum cito vorpalissimus ensis
Snicsnaccans penitus viscera dissecuit.
Exanimum corpus linquens caput abstulit heros
Quocum galumphat multa, domumque redit.

"Tune Gaberbocchum potuisti, nate, necare?
Bemiscens puer! ad brachia nostra veni.
Oh! frabiusce dies! iterumque caloque calaque
Laetus eo" ut chortlet chortla superba senex.

Hora aderat briligi. Nunc et Slythia Tova
Plurima gyrabant gymbolitare vabo;
Et Borogovorum mimzebant undique formae,
Momiferique omnes exgrabuere Rathi.

                --Hassard H. Dodgson


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 10 - 08:56 PM

I just wanted to be certain that we were talking about the same exiled Roman poet and not something egg-shaped and misspelled.

                               --Ibid.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 May 10 - 08:49 PM

Certes, and who other? Old Publius, a drinker and a cusser, and the authir if the long and delicate poem of cussing,   Ibis.

Now, as Battiades cursed his enemy Ibis,
IÕll curse you, and yours, in the same way.
And like him IÕve involved my poem with hidden matters:
IÕve followed him, though IÕm unused to this sort of thing.
Its convolutions are uttered in imitation of those
in Ibis, forgetful of my own custom and taste.
And since, when asked, IÕm not saying who you are, as yet,
you too, in the meantime, can take the name of Ibis:
and as my verse will reflect something of my nights,
so may the sequence of your days be wholly dark.
Have this read to you on your birthday, and at new
year, by anyone whose lips have no need for lies.
Gods of earth and sea, who maintain the good
between the disparate poles, where Jupiter rules,
I beg this of you: bend all your thoughts to this,
and let my wishes carry their weight with you:
and you earth itself, and the waves of ocean,
and the highest sky itself, approve my prayers:
and the stars, and that form clothed with rays of sunlight,
and you Moon, that never glittered brighter in your orbit,
and Night whom we revere for the beauty of your shadows:
and you who spin your fatal work with triple thumbs,
and you the stream of waters, not to be named in vain,
that glides with dread murmurs through infernal valleys,
and you with your hair bound by writhing snakes,
who sit before the shadowy doors of the prison:
you too, the lower powers, Fauns, Satyrs, Lares,
the rivers, and the nymphs and semi-divine races:
appear, at the last, in our presence, all you gods,
old and new, from out the ancient chaos,
while dread charms are sung by treacherous mouths,
and anger and grief act out their proper parts.
All, in order, show your assent to my desires,
and let there be no part of my prayer that fails.
And let it be fulfilled, I beg: so it may be thought
not my word, but a speech of the race of Pasiphae.
And IÕll have recounted these punishments, and heÕll
endure them, let his misery be greater for my skill!
And let the prayers of execration harm his false
name no less, nor the great gods be less inclined to stir:
I curse him as Ibis, whom the mind perceives,
who knows heÕs earned these curses by his deeds.
No delay is mine: I act as priest with sure prayer.
Whoever is at my rites, show favour to my words:
whoever is at my rites, speak your words of mourning,
and with wet cheeks begin your weeping for Ibis:
and run with every ill, and on stumbling feet,
and cloak all your bodies with black garments!


Ibid.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 10 - 08:40 PM

You mean, of course, P. Ovidius Naso, the author of (inter alii)

...Aestus erat, mediamque dies exegerat horam;
    adposui medio membra levanda toro.
pars adaperta fuit, pars altera clausa fenestrae;
    quale fere silvae lumen habere solent,
qualia sublucent fugiente crepuscula Phoebo,            
    aut ubi nox abiit, nec tamen orta dies.
illa verecundis lux est praebenda puellis,
    qua timidus latebras speret habere pudor.
ecce, Corinna venit, tunica velata recincta,
    candida dividua colla tegente coma—               
qualiter in thalamos famosa Semiramis isse
    dicitur, et multis Lais amata viris.


I assume?

                                    --Ibid., et al.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 May 10 - 07:21 PM

OVid.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 10 - 06:15 PM

Ibid.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 10 - 06:14 PM

Sorry, but you got my Italics up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 10 - 06:13 PM

Learning what? Not to lie, cheat, and steal? I already knew that. I should warn you, though, that I have declared copyright on every story I've posted. Yes, yes, Amos, I know -- you'd say it was an accident, just a slip of the keyboard, and since God has forgiven you why can't I? That's the rationale of a filthy, immoral, plagiarizing, South Californian Neoconservative -- the sort of thinking that got Orange County into so much trouble a few years back and the Mayor of San Diego into hot water more recently.

Now I know that you're not the sort to suck up to the Governator, and I know that Mom raised you up better than that. And yet NOT ONCE have I seen you correctly attribute your postings even though they were taken word for word from some dictionary or other!!!! Don't call the kettle black when you should tend to your own petunias first!

                            --Most words taken from Webster's Third
                            International Dictionary
(passim.) and
                            other sources; credit will be given as
                            these are identified.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 May 10 - 02:17 PM

Rapaire:

It may comfort you to know that you are among some very high-class people when you exercise your perfidious obsession with lifting others' works uncredited. In an esdsay on Stephen Ambrose, renowned historian and plagiarist, the American Saint Garrison Keillor remarks:
Plagiarism is suicide. It stems from envy, I suppose, or in Ambrose's case, the rush to produce books in rapid succession, but no matter, it's a stain that peroxide won't lift out. All your hard work over a lifetime, blighted by the word "plagiarism" every time somebody writes about you. It's in the third or fourth graph of your obituary, a splotch on your escutcheon.

Here, dear reader, I must disclose that I have repeatedly lied about my closeness to General Eisenhower and have claimed more than once to have been his aide aboard the cruiser Memphis where he observed the D-Day landing from the porthole of his cabin where he was ensconced with Marlene Dietrich, sipping champagne, as I sat outside the door strumming "Lili Marlene" on a HarmonyTone F-4 mandolin.

Years later, an eagle-eyed reader blew the whistle, pointing out that HarmonyTone's F-4 mandolin was not manufactured until 1947. Also, that I was 2 years old at the time of D-Day. Also, that Marlene Dietrich was in Hawaii at the time, canoodling with John F. Kennedy.

Luckily for me, the exposé came out on the very day that President Nixon resigned, and so it got buried in the back pages, along with the embarrassing fact that my book, "Sailing With the General," contained large swatches (unattributed) of Tolstoy's "War and Peace." Thankfully, these embarrassing disclosures never got in the way of my friendship with President Eisenhower, and he and I golfed many, many rounds together, at Augusta and Burning Man and Plum Creek, with George S. Patton and Walter (Old Iron Pants) Cronkite, the memory of which the smell of plum blossoms brings back with startling clarity.


(NYT)

I just thought you'd enjoy reading and even, just possibly, learning from this little excerpt.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 May 10 - 12:07 PM

Two subjects in which he has been endowed with great expertise from the bottomless psychic well of his creator, no doubt.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 May 10 - 11:37 AM

I think that frozen, staring silence is a very appropriate reaction to that story. Even Chongo would find it a bit excessive in its depictions of extreme violence combined with extreme stupidity.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 19 May 10 - 11:19 AM

Well, Rap, they say "Anything is possible" - but that doesn't make it probable; or even remotely statistically likely.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 10 - 11:15 AM

Or "I'm so proud of the boy I'm just speechless!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 19 May 10 - 11:05 AM

Either:

"He is so like his father"

or

"I can't believe I carried him in my womb"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 May 10 - 10:48 AM

Ya notice when Rapaire posts one of these lurid and manly tales, Mom goes into a moment of frozen, staring silence? What do you think crosses her mind at such moments?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 10 - 08:35 PM

Strawberry Roames was the bouncer at the Legion Hovel until a couple of months back, when he was relieved of the job for using unnecessary force. There was some debate about it, though, given that all he did was bend a 4 x 4 steel rod over the head of Pinky McGarity. Pinky was trying to get his money back out of the slot machines by picking them up two at a time and shaking them and then banging them together and Strawberry asked him to please stop doing that as he was damaging Legion property. In response Pinky took a bite out of Filthy Jake's ear and spit it in Strawberry's face. Strawberry is right slow to anger and so he gently chided Pinky about his manners by using a wood 2 x 4 upside the head. When this didn't even get Pinky's attention, Strawberry picked up a piece of 4 x 4 steel that had been kickin' around the Hovel for a couple of years, nobody remembers why, and brought it down between Pinky's ears. Pinky fell like he'd been hit on the head with a steel bar and dropped the slot machines, which bounced out the door and onto the Oregon Short Line tracks, where they were promptly run over by freight train heading to Humbolt. At that point the CG called the Exalted And Grand Council into Immediate Session and relieved Strawberry of his duties, since he could have but didn't catch the slot machines and thereby damaged Legion property (they ruled that the 2 x 4 and the steel bar, just being laying around, were the property of Someone Else). Next morning, Pinky bought Strawberry breakfast like usual, and they've been drinkin' buddies again ever since.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 May 10 - 07:23 PM

Are you out where the Strawberry Roams?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 10 - 06:27 PM

'Round these parts, pardner, no moss grows a-tall on a stolen roan.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 May 10 - 04:09 PM

Oh, fungus one and all, Tiny Tim. Any youthful reader knows the moss grows thin on a Rowling tome.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 10 - 02:06 PM

Except of course for Elsie...but then that's the point, I guess -- to make the stuff easy to find. We call it "The Drip Principle."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 May 10 - 01:50 PM

Fungal fingers? Careful, or the librarians will have to start using purell on the books.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 May 10 - 12:08 PM

They use their long, dewey digits...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 10 - 11:43 AM

If librarians aren't armed how do they reshelve the books?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Eiseley
Date: 18 May 10 - 11:25 AM

Man Loses Trigger Finger in Scuffle with Armed Librarian


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 May 10 - 10:00 AM

Finagling Singer Loses Signaling Finger To Fungal Snaggler!!! Film at Eleven.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 10 - 09:51 AM

Geez, and that was my signaling finger, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 May 10 - 09:48 AM

Serbves you right for teasing her....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 10 - 09:44 AM

Yes indeed. Good girl. Gooooooooood girl. Now sit. Goooooood girl. Have a dog biscuit and this time, watch the fing...OW!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 May 10 - 12:33 AM

Good girl on the grades! And lucky you, also, because my kid and her boyfriend are still waiting for their grades. Finals are this week. Grad school is on a little different trajectory than undergrad.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 May 10 - 11:40 PM

M., my apogeelees. I was uzzerwhyse engahged.

'Owever I am sure you 'ave my email address wiz whish to address anny undeleeverd commoonicashionez, no?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 10 - 09:05 PM

Hey, Mom! I tried calling Amos on Skype but he didn't answer so pooey on him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 May 10 - 07:49 PM

Congratulations. Here I thought you were a 10, but now I find you are also a 4.0!!!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Eiseley
Date: 17 May 10 - 07:20 PM

Well, at least MOM knows how to read invisible writing.

KLP


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 10 - 06:50 PM

Or delighted. Are you going to let Mom know what they are?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 May 10 - 05:17 PM

Or indicted.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 17 May 10 - 05:12 PM

You all should be cited.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Eiseley
Date: 17 May 10 - 04:20 PM

Hot Dog!

I just received my grades for this semester!!!

They were all A's!


Whew!

Yes, Rapaire, I noticed the reference on your last citation.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 May 10 - 03:06 PM

I cry vowel!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 17 May 10 - 03:01 PM

I I understood my teachers correctly - wouldn't the emporer have written:

Trgnt sx qnq qd qqgnt cm
Spr nstrm stps nms.
Spnnr tnc ls srsm ftr trs sx,
Qq sx qd trs. Vlnts d ns nmrs st nn
Scrs ntrprtr. Tmn spnnrs s a smplx frt
Ut frzzl qspm crnm


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 May 10 - 02:54 PM

Rapaire:

You should be awarded some kind of recognition for discovering a previously unknown Latin noun: spinner, spinneris, n., masc.: someone who runs around in circles, derived from the name of the lesser Roman deity Spinnacherius the god of hot air...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 10 - 02:46 PM

Memor puteus nostrum Matris vota
Locus super calx nostri mens
Operor non alieno nostrum
Matris Absentis Alius vos ero relictus.

    Augustus Calix, Imperator et Rex de Terrae
    Thoughts On My Late Mother, Messalina
    ca. 120 CE, frag. 453A32, Luker Papers, U. of U.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 10 - 02:39 PM

Triginta six quinque quod quinquaginta coma
Super nostrum stipes nemus.
Spinner tunc lies sursum futura tres six,
Quinque six quod tres. Voluntas de unus numerus est non
Securus interpretor. Tamen spinners es a simplex furta
Ut frazzle quispiam cranium.


Amos, if you're going to quote the Emperor please do so in the words he orginally wrote. Confusion can otherwise result.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 May 10 - 01:09 PM

Thirty-six five and fifty leaves
Upon our posting tree.
The spinner next lies up ahead
Three Six, Five six and Three.
The meaning of a number is not
Easy to explain.
But spinners are a simple trick
To frazzle someone's brain.

Ideus Tormetitus, Emperor of All Rome and Gaul
Lettere relativo alla madre di tutte le stronzate
(From a Parchment found in the ruins of the Roman Gates shortly after the Fall of Rome)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 May 10 - 11:33 AM

Leave it to Rapaire to create a mystery to which he is the solution. Sigh. These authoritarian gimmicks don't work in Mom's house, Rapaire. We don't do priestly secrets, nor raise up Popes, nor fall before the towering mystery of wiseguys for our soul's sake.

You'll have to find something else. Maybe merit?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 17 May 10 - 10:26 AM

To wipe our feet before entering the house?

To leave the dripping umbrella's on the porch?

To close the door to the 'fridge?

Which one thing?

Oh ! 'prolly the one about "don't drink from the milk bottle"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 10 - 09:37 AM

Remember our Mission, the One Thing Mom asked us to do for her. I'm afraid that some of you have drifted from The Mission. Please, take a moment of silent thought and remind yourselves of The Mission again. Amos, I know that silent thought doesn't come easily to you, but please try to keep it down, okay?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 May 10 - 11:43 PM

Hey, MOM, please keep the dogs in the house for a while. They're trying to "help" me weed the garden. I've gotten enough slobbery dog kisses to last me for a while.

(I tried to send this ages ago, about the same time Max posted on Facebook that he was working on bandwidth. But I'm sending it now because even though it is now past tense, next time I work on the garden, you might again be helpful by keeping the dogs in the house.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 16 May 10 - 10:59 PM

groan............while disguising her chuckles behind a hand, as if covering a cough.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 May 10 - 09:21 PM

At least your out of denial, as Cleopatra said to the amorous croc.


A


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