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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 11 Jul 09 - 08:08 PM
Amos 11 Jul 09 - 08:01 PM
Rapparee 11 Jul 09 - 08:00 PM
Amos 11 Jul 09 - 06:51 PM
Rapparee 11 Jul 09 - 06:28 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 11 Jul 09 - 05:10 PM
Acme 11 Jul 09 - 04:54 PM
Amos 11 Jul 09 - 02:58 PM
Rapparee 11 Jul 09 - 02:10 PM
Rapparee 11 Jul 09 - 10:29 AM
Rapparee 11 Jul 09 - 10:09 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 11 Jul 09 - 07:36 AM
Acme 11 Jul 09 - 12:24 AM
Amos 10 Jul 09 - 11:03 PM
Rapparee 10 Jul 09 - 09:25 PM
Amos 10 Jul 09 - 08:14 PM
Rapparee 10 Jul 09 - 08:00 PM
Amos 10 Jul 09 - 07:40 PM
Little Hawk 10 Jul 09 - 06:25 PM
Acme 10 Jul 09 - 05:27 PM
Rapparee 10 Jul 09 - 12:43 PM
Amos 10 Jul 09 - 11:36 AM
Rapparee 10 Jul 09 - 08:46 AM
MMario 10 Jul 09 - 08:38 AM
Amos 09 Jul 09 - 11:40 PM
Janie 09 Jul 09 - 11:30 PM
Amos 09 Jul 09 - 09:34 PM
Donuel 09 Jul 09 - 08:39 PM
Little Hawk 09 Jul 09 - 05:45 PM
Amos 09 Jul 09 - 04:47 PM
Rapparee 09 Jul 09 - 04:09 PM
Amos 09 Jul 09 - 02:31 PM
Rapparee 09 Jul 09 - 01:41 PM
Amos 09 Jul 09 - 12:40 PM
MMario 09 Jul 09 - 11:13 AM
Amos 09 Jul 09 - 11:11 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 09 Jul 09 - 11:08 AM
Acme 09 Jul 09 - 10:56 AM
Amos 09 Jul 09 - 10:54 AM
Little Hawk 09 Jul 09 - 10:31 AM
Amos 09 Jul 09 - 10:14 AM
Rapparee 09 Jul 09 - 09:27 AM
MMario 09 Jul 09 - 09:02 AM
Little Hawk 09 Jul 09 - 01:44 AM
Amos 09 Jul 09 - 01:33 AM
Acme 08 Jul 09 - 11:59 PM
Little Hawk 08 Jul 09 - 11:57 PM
Amos 08 Jul 09 - 11:13 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 08 Jul 09 - 11:08 PM
Rapparee 08 Jul 09 - 10:34 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 09 - 08:08 PM

Congratulations! I know that sort of maze.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jul 09 - 08:01 PM

I am seriously contemplating tearing apart the guest bathroom just to start the reno. I have conquered San Diego Gas and Electric, and they will be crediting us with all the kilowatt hours our solar system produced that they had not programmed their meter to count; it took me hours of phone tag up and down the tree but I done it.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 09 - 08:00 PM

Oh no, they were genteel enough.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jul 09 - 06:51 PM

I don't think hauling your past lives to the fore is quite genteel, amigo. I too, fought at sea in the period between '39 and '44, and gave my all. But, really, a gentleman does not tell all he knows...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 09 - 06:28 PM

I've done that, Amos.

I remember the bow climbing the swells and then down and then up again. I sipped my coffee, and remember the clang of the old bell and the First Mate calling up, "U-Boat, Captain! 356 degrees, range about two miles!" And then it was all ahead full and the deck guns blazing and the depth charges rolling and the sea, so peaceful before, roiling and boiling and the weather closing down on us so that our old corvette was flung about like a chip as we fought to stay afloat on the North Atlantic in winter.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Jul 09 - 05:10 PM

I saw no cave swallows, cormorants, sea lions or fish on my own early morning adventure, just mosquitoes and yellow flies.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Jul 09 - 04:54 PM

Then I roe the swells back,

I just love those typos!

Well, while Amos is contemplating the navel of his cool nautical Saturday, I'm plotting how to turn my house into a huge steamer. IT IS TIME. Too many tomatoes in the fridge to fit the bucket of wild mustang grapes in. So I must start canning.

Backward steps from the actual canning mean rounding up and washing jars, running out for a bottle of lemon juice, making sure I have enough pots for all of the hot water, having a space to let things cool, and plenty of stuff for the floor to dry up spills so I don't kill myself with all of that juicy fruit and hot water and such. And then it has to simmer in a hot bath for 40 minutes.

MOM, you're gonna love these jars come January and February, but be patient while the house gets a little hot today.

After that, I might make some mustang grape jelly. This stuff is the best--and my son even prefers it to strawberry, his previous favorite.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jul 09 - 02:58 PM

The sun was just peeking over the hills behind La Jolla and starting to lighten the sleepy Pacific swells when I pushed through the surf and started cutting my was west into the blue water. The ocean was in a most kindly mood, and I found I could laze along the shore, under the steep cliffs and caves below the beach shore, dabbling with the swells as they curdled and swept into caves, around pillars, dashing at the cave swallows who flitted fearlessly above them. The se lions were all snoozing and I drifted by them, silent, only yards away, lifted by the peaceful swells like a kitten sleeping on a perfect bosom.

The cormorants submarined in and out, and the little fingerfish I call flibbertygibets were out in play. I sipped my coffee and reveled in the rising sunlight and the quiet, animal feel of things at the edge of the sea, so close to bawdy and loud civilization, but centuries apart in kind.

Then I roe the swells back, cutting across to the area of beach where the wild kayaks go in and out, and joined my own herd again, swooping in on breaking waters and skating smoothly to a safe sandy stop.

I love Saturdays. I see no reason for any other day, except to make space for ORthodox Jewish observers to get stuff done in. Otherwise, I vote for perpetual Saturdayness in the world.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 09 - 02:10 PM

Cheaps even has his own .com website.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 09 - 10:29 AM

Hey, Bee-Dub! Cheaps called and said to say hi!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 09 - 10:09 AM

Yeah, I know him. Good guy. We hang out together a lot, drinking and singing, you know, having a good time. I call him "Cheaps" and he calls me...well, this is a family thread. He's coming by again this afternoon or tomorrow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Jul 09 - 07:36 AM

Simply put, I am The All....

You're The All? Wow! You make pretty good laundry detergent!

Sorry I haven't been patronizing your products lately. We were using your hypoallergenic stuff at the insistence of The Mother of The Most Holy of All Imaginable Grandchildren. She was afraid He'd get all rashy if He was cuddled while we were wearing clothes bearing the dreaded Chemicals. But, since He has matured beyond the cuddly-wuddly stage we no longer feel it's our responsibility to protect Him from the nasty old Universe by using hypoallergenic detergent.

So, we're back to using Cheap Shit, like before. Do you know The Cheap Shit? I sorta thought you deity types might hang out together. Go bowling or something. Anyway, He makes pretty good detergent, too, and it's a helluva lot cheaper.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Jul 09 - 12:24 AM

Since you mention Frankenstein, or the Modern Prometheus, is there an alpine interlude, with a monster MOABite is secreted away in a shed, listening to the family live in the adjacent house?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jul 09 - 11:03 PM

I'll pass in favor of a few selective and choice slices of not-Knowing, thanks. I consider it a High Art.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 09 - 09:25 PM

Simply put, I am The All, and All is contained in Me and I in The All.

If you See, you will Know. And once you Know you will never need to See. For Knowing and Seeing are One, and Not Knowing and Not Seeing are contained in them. When you Understand, you will Know, and then you will not need to See and you will not need to Know. You will then put yourself in My Hands and I will Guide you, for I am The All.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jul 09 - 08:14 PM

It was clear as mud
But it covers de ground
De long words all
Make my head go 'round
It sounds like bull like a frien' of mine,
Like to sign as Albert Einstein!!

It says to Mother Piaba!
ANd BS Piaba!
And the res t of the bull it is lemon grass!!
And the brandy root, belly root Mother root HUH!!!
And de brandy brandy scratch scratch!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 09 - 08:00 PM

Amos, YOU thought ME up. That gave me Existence. Now you have to put up with your creation just as Victor Frankenstein did so long ago. You see, I am the Creator. You thought me up, but I gave you existence. The art contains the artist and vice-versa, and the art gives existence to the artist just as the artist gives existence to the art. So you see, Shame is LH just as LH is Shame,and just as Shame is you and you are LH. You are all part of each other, except that I am no longer involved as I am now your Creator.

All should now be clear.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jul 09 - 07:40 PM

Guys like that talk alike no matter whether they are from civilization (like Rapaire) or elsewhere (like Shane).   (Shane does not actually come from Canada. He was born in some barbaric backwater in the hinterlands of Little Hawks overgrown imagination).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Jul 09 - 06:25 PM

Rapaire - "I only hung around with chicks who were real knockouts, Amos."

Sort of like Shane, eh, Rapaire? At least that's what he tells me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Jul 09 - 05:27 PM

I took a few days off, and Janie, I slept late this morning--how nice (and how rare!)

Over 100 today and for a while longer. I'm tempted to put the nozzle on my garden hose and water down the construction workers who are doing the sewer and water line work in our street. Except that it might make their gloves sticky or their boots uncomfortable, it would probably feel good.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 09 - 12:43 PM

I only hung around with chicks who were real knockouts, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jul 09 - 11:36 AM

Them young ladies didn't believe you??? Gee... smart class of chicks, man!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 09 - 08:46 AM

Go visit the Chesapeake Maritime Museum. As I used to say to the young ladies during my college days, "Trust me, trust me...." (They always walked away rearranging their clothing, I think. I was usually knocked cold by then.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 10 Jul 09 - 08:38 AM

If you rent a sunfish, remember they can't breathe out of water....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 11:40 PM

Sleep late and kayak!! A dream from on high!!!

Enjoy the hell out of it.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 11:30 PM

Hi MOM, bet you have missed me bunches and bunches. Gonna have to keep missing me a bit longer. I'm off at quiting time tomorrow for a week to Sister Annie's on the Eastern Shore of Maryland with SumYungSun. We plan doing anything that is fun and free really, really cheap. The weather gods look like they are going to smile on us, with highs in the mid to upper eighties, so hope to kayak, bicycle, go crabbing and/or fishing in the Bay, maybe rent a sunfish to play around with, play in the surf, ride go-carts, and see a good movie or two.

Especially, hope to sleep late.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 09:34 PM

Well, that is really nice, Donuel.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 08:39 PM

and now for something completely different

This ol' fiddle


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 05:45 PM

Note, ladies and gentlemen, that the great thread on why pickles don't (or can't?) fly is flying again...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 04:47 PM

Rapaire, who has spent too long among words, has a headful of such deninitions. It leaves him in a state of perpetual deninial.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 04:09 PM

Remember the deninition:

Avant-garde = bad.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 02:31 PM

Incandescent ones, anyway. The metaphor is, um, compelling, from a certain perspective.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 01:41 PM

They come from gas-fired pickles?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 12:40 PM

BubDubEll:

That is purely grass-roots original folk art at its finest. I declare, it should be in the New Yorker or one of them cosmopolitan rags, so as to give them nouveau riche buggers a remindment of where-all they come from.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 11:13 AM

If I had my druthers
I'd ruther have my druthers
then do any work at all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 11:11 AM

The pickle comes in a plastic bag,
The gent comes in a condom.
The bookster sees his muscles sag,
And dreams of amor quondam.

Of once-won hearts, and passions past,
And times that were romantic.
While the Hawkster dreams up new cartoons
To fill his dances frantic.

The Bubster B he turns his pots,
And sells them if he can, oh.
And Janietta strums the lute,
And dreams it's a piano.

Ole Stilly, though, she plants her feet,
She's no romantic yuppie.
She plants her plants, and pickles buys,
And feeds her hungry puppy.

And so each of us does his time,
Pursuing what he'd druther,
And coming by, once in a while,
To pay respects to Mother.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 11:08 AM

Oh, the individually packaged pickles. Yes, I've seen 'em, but since I no longer smoke Marijuana I don't get the munchies badly enough to spend that sort of money for a single pickle. They're not exactly front and center in my pickle consciousness.

However, since giving new life to one's old poetry (sic) seems to be a popular mode of expression of late, here's a blast from the past:

How to Make a Pickle Fly

I've never seen a pickle fly.
Sometimes I sit and wonder why.
Is it simply for lack of wings?
No, there are lots of other things
that hurtle through the air with ease,
like rockets, baseballs and bee-bees,
that have no wings to them affixed.
How do they do it? What's their trick?

Simple. They're through the air propelled
by forces that come from elsewhere.
A gun, a bat, a rocket engine
supply the energies that send 'em
on their journeys through the air.
Well, dang, that gives me an idear!

Just take a pickle from a jar,
remove your pants and underwear.
Then shove that pickle up your ass
and leave it while sufficient gas
pressure builds up to send it flyin'
across the room! There's no denyin'
that fart-powered pickles can fly!
Just drop yer drawers... Give it a try!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 10:56 AM

Rap, I'm firmly in the present and I knew what you were talking about. But I'd never buy a pickle already in a plastic bag. I might buy one out of a barrel and place it in one to carry.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 10:54 AM

A stitch in time, Little Hawk, will keep you from the seamy side of life. Or sew it seams.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 10:31 AM

Ewe didn't spill that properlea.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 10:14 AM

All is not as it seams, Rapaire. Sew there.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 09:27 AM

There are those amongst us, MM, who have never experienced the seamier sides of life. I'm must trying to prevent injury to them from an exploding electrocuted pickle and the only person who knows what I'm talking about lives in the 17th Century. Oh, my.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 09:02 AM

You don't have the individual packed pickles in the pickle condoms in your area?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 01:44 AM

I'm not sure I want to....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 01:33 AM

I think you will find otherwise, if you investigate, LH.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 11:59 PM

And bread comes out of my oven and lives in a bread box. None of this plastic bag stuff.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 11:57 PM

Some people come in plastic bags?

Not around here they don't.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 11:13 PM

Well, so do some people. So?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 11:08 PM

Okay, I'll bite. Why would the pickle you wish to electrocute be in a plastic bag in the first place? I thought pickles came in jars. Bread comes in plastic bags.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jul 09 - 10:34 PM

If you decide to electrocute a pickle, if it's inside a plastic bag it's best to remove it first.


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