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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 09 Feb 08 - 09:46 AM
Rapparee 09 Feb 08 - 08:51 AM
Rapparee 09 Feb 08 - 08:44 AM
Janie 09 Feb 08 - 01:47 AM
Acme 09 Feb 08 - 01:05 AM
Rapparee 08 Feb 08 - 10:35 PM
Amos 08 Feb 08 - 07:47 PM
Rapparee 08 Feb 08 - 04:33 PM
Acme 08 Feb 08 - 03:59 PM
Rapparee 08 Feb 08 - 03:54 PM
Amos 08 Feb 08 - 01:04 PM
Rapparee 08 Feb 08 - 11:32 AM
Amos 08 Feb 08 - 11:24 AM
Rapparee 08 Feb 08 - 11:04 AM
Amos 08 Feb 08 - 10:55 AM
Acme 08 Feb 08 - 10:41 AM
Amos 08 Feb 08 - 10:24 AM
MMario 08 Feb 08 - 10:20 AM
Amos 08 Feb 08 - 10:07 AM
Rapparee 08 Feb 08 - 08:41 AM
Amos 08 Feb 08 - 08:31 AM
MMario 08 Feb 08 - 08:18 AM
Acme 08 Feb 08 - 12:34 AM
Amos 07 Feb 08 - 11:27 PM
Rapparee 07 Feb 08 - 10:30 PM
Amos 07 Feb 08 - 07:19 PM
Rapparee 07 Feb 08 - 07:01 PM
Amos 07 Feb 08 - 04:51 PM
Rapparee 07 Feb 08 - 04:47 PM
Amos 07 Feb 08 - 02:47 PM
Rapparee 07 Feb 08 - 02:41 PM
Amos 07 Feb 08 - 02:34 PM
Amos 07 Feb 08 - 09:36 AM
Rapparee 07 Feb 08 - 09:30 AM
Amos 06 Feb 08 - 11:26 PM
Rapparee 06 Feb 08 - 11:16 PM
Amos 06 Feb 08 - 10:34 PM
Rapparee 06 Feb 08 - 09:56 PM
Suegorgeous 06 Feb 08 - 08:48 PM
Rapparee 06 Feb 08 - 07:54 PM
Amos 06 Feb 08 - 05:49 PM
Acme 06 Feb 08 - 05:38 PM
Rapparee 06 Feb 08 - 04:56 PM
Amos 06 Feb 08 - 03:49 PM
Amos 06 Feb 08 - 03:29 PM
MMario 06 Feb 08 - 03:24 PM
Rapparee 06 Feb 08 - 03:13 PM
Amos 06 Feb 08 - 03:06 PM
MMario 06 Feb 08 - 03:03 PM
Rapparee 06 Feb 08 - 02:27 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 09:46 AM

Truth is, it doesn't take a lot to become a member of Mensa, and many who do are really boring. They would divide the post count on MOAB by the word count and hand you the inverse ratio in am illisecond, but they would have no idea how to begin creating an appropriate post for MOAB. I've been a member twice, and washed y hands of it on both occasions.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 08:51 AM

Did I ever mention the time my brother dressed up as a Christmas tree?

It was July, and he was about six years old. It was blazing hot, and he was wearing only his underwear when he found the Christmas decorations. He decked his halls (note the "h") with tinsel and garlands and...angel hair. Spun glass. Then he went down to show our mother.

If you think fiberglass particles are bad when you're fulled clothed, let me assure you that he will assure you that they are nothing compared to being decked out from head to toe in spun glass when you're all but
naked. Mother was quite put out with him and as he started to itch he understood.

For a guy who later became a member of Mensa he didn't demonstrate a lot of intelligence as a child.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 08:44 AM

Janie, that's close enough. In fact, it's about as close as it ever gets.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 01:47 AM

Hi Mom,

Just popping in for a minute. Was looking for a break from three nights trying to do what needs done to enroll as a provider for Medicaid and assorted insurances. But been from home so long, I'm as lost here as I was in the stacks of applications, certifications and confusing websites.

No. Wait. I think I can sum up what I've missed, at least over the past few days. Some one at the Legion Hall urinated at Rap's keyboard while Amos was in the attic getting fiberglass down the back of his underwear and he was in the attic cuz Mmario set ululating wolves on him, then Rap started speaking in tongues and Maggie wrote a program to get everybody straightened out then, being the wise woman she is, gave up and took a walk to clear her head, only she wound up at the Legion Hall and he dogs started ululating, or maybe Amos was the ululant, what with the fiberglass in his underwear and all, and maggie was knitting the family shield and dropped some stitches while working on the argent and Leo said nevermind, then like a good fairy or a bewildered space traveller, Suegorgeous apparated in and gave Mmario a nice cup of tea while fixing Rap's posting iron, whatever that is.

OK! Good. Glad I've got it all straight and am right on the same page with the rest of yous.

Mom, send money.

Love,

Janie

Love to all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 01:05 AM

Back in the 1980s when we were poor and living in a small town my (now) ex used to hang out in the local mall Waldenbooks and read the passages in various in the books for some hobby or other he needed but couldn't afford. I told him that if Waldenbooks caught on they'd put in a subway-style turnstile and charge him 25 cents every time he entered the store. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 10:35 PM

And don't forget that wonderful book, "Seduction of the Innocent." It really told the whole truth about comic books.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 07:47 PM

Oh, no, Mag. They didn't start that silly "seal 'em in plastic" business until the early 60's pr sp,. as I recall. These were simpler, more real times. The Graduate hadn't even been released yet. Toys were mostly wood and metal, still, but plastic ones were coming out.

And the reason you had to worry about how to was going to turn out is they would often leave the story hanging until next month's issues.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 04:33 PM

That was before comics became collectibles. Had a friend in college who collected them; he'd bring them in for us to read before he sealed 'em up. He had the first Silver Surfer, the first Hulk....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 03:59 PM

I guess they must have been sealed in plastic or you'd have read the story in the store and gotten your answer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 03:54 PM

I remember those days well. We rarely had dimes for comic books (and my mother did believe in censorship!) so we bought a bottle of Pepsi and read them at the grocery store. That way we could buy the Pepsi for a dime and read comics for three hours or until the store owners got tired of us blocking the onions and asked us to leave. We would, quietly and politely, because we appreciated being able to come back and read more comics later.

Ah, those bygone, innocent days of my youth. The days when all you had to worry about was whether Superman could evade Luthor's kryptonite trap or whether Wonder Woman would fall out of her top when she flung her golden lasso from the invisible plane (her assumed name was Diana Prince and she was in the WACs).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 01:04 PM

No problem. My, that is a very lovely portrait indeed.

Reminds me of the innocent days of my childhood, before the mroalists started damping down the comics business, when blood and gore and monsters and buxom lasses were all vividly shown in comic books you could buy for a dime.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 11:32 AM

I most humbly beg your pardon, good Amos. For a brief moment I was channeling Sergeant Rock of Easy Company, a chap I knew when I was a Chaplain's Assistant.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 11:24 AM

Sir,

Your unseemly tone and barbaric nomenclature render your posts unattractive and susceptible of absolute rejection by any reader foolish enough to investigate them. I suggest you return to the Emily Post Academy of Basic Human Manners for re-orientation.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 11:04 AM

Ya want to crawl, maggot? Try some real crawling!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 10:55 AM

I suggest belly-crawling through small attic spaces laden with old fiberglass fill, balancing on the rafters. Excellent exercise.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 10:41 AM

Surplus - as in, having too much of something? The only surplus I have in surplus is calories on my backside--gotta get out this next mowing season and walk off that last 15 pounds.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 10:24 AM

Man, the day will come. It may be 100 years a-coming but wage slavery will pass, and a new age will begin, the age of loafing on the surplus.


Hallelujah.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 10:20 AM

and very few have ever cared about the wage slaves.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 10:07 AM

We fought hard to free those held as slaves on the old plantations, many years back.

But what about those of us who struggle on as slaves OF the plantation? Is voluntary slavery actionable the same as involuntary?

We have white slave traffic, sex slave traffic, and child slave traffic, but no one cares about the house slaves.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 08:41 AM

I have to come home around noon because the cleaners are coming. And Pat'll be home on the 12th, so I gotta at least get the empty whiskey bottles and cigar butts out. Better get the girls a-movin', too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 08:31 AM

Morning, Ms AB!!! I finished crawling through the overheads breathing fiberglass and got the control leads from the thermostat re-routed like you asked. The new thermostat looks much nicer in the hall than the old one did right plonk in the entranceway. And I got the re-plastering of the old holes done. The planting soil is in, and the new transplant buckets are out back. It's a good thing I get to go to work today so I can rest up some.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 08:18 AM

Mornin' Mom! Have a nice cup of Cranberry Apple Zinger tea. And one of these fresh baked scones. Shall I fluff your pillows?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 12:34 AM

Wow! If she actually read MOAB from the top--then she has a fast connection, and she's a speed reader!

I wonder if she just skimmed? I hope she read my favorite story, about BWL's encounter with the guy and the lost dogs. I bet that slowed her down a little, cleaning the coke or ice tea off of her screen or keyboard.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Feb 08 - 11:27 PM

I hope it wasn't Anny Manne's. Her brother Every hasn't head.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Feb 08 - 10:30 PM

I once had to take a boat to a funeral while the churchbells rang. It was a toll rowed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Feb 08 - 07:19 PM

Well, half-baked, anyway. But your not yet an Island, replete unto thine self,   and the bells that toll toll for thee as much as for Anye Manne.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Feb 08 - 07:01 PM

Well, so much for that. I'm Dunne.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Feb 08 - 04:51 PM

BReath-taking, Sir. I commend you.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Feb 08 - 04:47 PM

Ancient Bee-Dub Prophecy'd long since,
That in fair MOAB should Reign a mighty Prince,
Born for a Scourge of Wit, and Flaile of Sence;
To whom true Dulness should some Psyche's owe,
But Worlds of Misers from his Pen should flow:
Now Empress Fame had Publish'd the Renown
Of Amos's Coronation through the Town;
Rous'd by report of Pomp, the Nations meet
From near Bunhill, to distant Watling street;
No Persian Carpet spread th'Imperial way,
But scattered Limbs of Mangled Poets lay;
From Dusty Shops neglected Authors come,
Martyrs of Pies, and Reliques of the Bum.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Feb 08 - 02:47 PM

Wow. You must be having a really quiet, not to say sullen, sort of day!!


Glad you got your master switch back, anyway!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Feb 08 - 02:41 PM

How sublime! Seldom if ever have I read such doggerel or been lifted to such heights by such poesy! From here on my life will be a downhill skid to grave, for none can touch Rhymemaster Amos in versification.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Feb 08 - 02:34 PM

Ain't it heaven?

Ain't it nifty?

21947

Soon to be 950!

After nine-fifty, then,

Rock and roll and sway

Onward to the drumbeat of

The Twenty Two of K!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Feb 08 - 09:36 AM

Ah, monsieur -- you have shifted dimensions on me, you wily shape-shifter, you. I was referring to the tiny little whip with which you usually fill your hands. Not its CALIBRE!! I guess for uniform terminology I might have called it your .20.   Or your ".pencil".

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Feb 08 - 09:30 AM

No, no, Amos. I have a couple .30 calibers and even a .54 caliber (but it's not finished yet). But a 6 incher? That'd be a cannon and my wife won't let me have a full-sized cannon (yet). I asked for a 36 pounder naval gun for my birthday but she just laughed. I even promised not to load it with anything except blanks most of the time and she still laughed. I promised not to use hot shot, bar shot, chain shot or even grape shot -- just blanks and once in a while plain old cannonballs, but no, she still wouldn't let me have one. Sometimes she just spoils all my fun.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Feb 08 - 11:26 PM

Well, you should put one of them in each hand, just to give the six-incher a break.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Feb 08 - 11:16 PM

Should I snap my six foot or my ten foot bull whip? Or have one in each hand? I wanna be a real whippersnapper, so please let me know.

Thank you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Feb 08 - 10:34 PM

No, no! SueG is a rarity, a wonder, a True Aspirant to the Mantel of Genuine BS!!!

How else to explain it? Watch -- if she dares start getting creative on this thread she will become one of the brightest lights on the MOAB. MARK my words, you whippersnappers!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Feb 08 - 09:56 PM

Are you mad, woman? Because if you read all of MOAB (may her name be blessed!) you probably are now even if you didn't start out that way.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Suegorgeous
Date: 06 Feb 08 - 08:48 PM

rSince it's taken me 6 hours to get to this point from the top...hees my contribution...
Now we know why we don't all just post in one thread!! aaarrgghhh!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Feb 08 - 07:54 PM

Samurais in white satin...

Nah, that don't do it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Feb 08 - 05:49 PM

Jeeze, Rapaire, now you're doing the Shogun's knights? Good name for a song....


Shogun days and shogun niiiights
When I miss your sweet deriiiights....


and so on... Fleddy Fendel did it, I think.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Feb 08 - 05:38 PM

Give me a little while and maybe I can whip up that last image in one of the new Adobe illustrator programs on my computer. As soon as my eyeballs relax, my brain rests, and my body unclenches--I've been learning a new set of programs today. I need a break.

It's almost tempting to wander over to the Legion Hall for the change of venue.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Feb 08 - 04:56 PM

Quarterly purpure and argent, a talbot's head erased contourny counterchanged argent and gules collared sable between 3 tygers rampant contourny counterchanged argent and gules.

Azure, a torii Or and in base two katanas in saltire proper, a bordure Or.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Feb 08 - 03:49 PM

Actually that is not "a silver boss", but rather the upper one-third of the shield, colored silver in a band, as an indication of cadency.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Feb 08 - 03:29 PM

Per bend sinister azure and gules, a bend sinister Or between two needles in saltire threaded with a single thread argent and three apples Or."

"Through a left-handed blue and red band, a gold left-hand band between two needles forming a diagonal cross, threaded with a silver stripe and three gold apples".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 06 Feb 08 - 03:24 PM

Diagonally - a golden rod between two crossed needles on a single silver thread and three apples

Though I prefer: a depressed Jules bending over crossed needles and salty apples.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Feb 08 - 03:13 PM

Don't even want to try the other one, do you guys?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Feb 08 - 03:06 PM

A green howling wolf standing, and on a silver boss, three blue dolphins.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 06 Feb 08 - 03:03 PM

Of course!

Vert, a wolf statant ululant and on a chief embattled argent three dolphins azure

A standing wolf howling at his chief who is battling three silver dolphins of the shores of the Azores.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Feb 08 - 02:27 PM

The Library's brand, as registered with the Idaho State Brand Board (a subset of the Idaho State Police) is described as "M P L connected with a rocker." If you understand brand descriptions you will be able to instantly visualize it.

Kinda like "Vert, a wolf statant ululant and on a chief embattled argent three dolphins azure" or "Per bend sinister azure and gules, a bend sinister Or between two needles in saltire threaded with a single thread argent and three apples Or."


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