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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 15 May 07 - 09:53 AM
John Hardly 15 May 07 - 05:40 AM
Acme 14 May 07 - 11:54 PM
Rapparee 14 May 07 - 11:41 PM
Amos 14 May 07 - 10:36 AM
Acme 14 May 07 - 10:24 AM
GUEST 14 May 07 - 10:06 AM
John Hardly 14 May 07 - 09:34 AM
GUEST 14 May 07 - 09:28 AM
Rapparee 14 May 07 - 09:16 AM
Acme 14 May 07 - 12:54 AM
John Hardly 13 May 07 - 09:41 PM
Acme 13 May 07 - 08:50 PM
Rapparee 13 May 07 - 07:05 PM
Acme 13 May 07 - 01:28 PM
Amos 13 May 07 - 01:26 PM
Amos 13 May 07 - 11:06 AM
Rapparee 13 May 07 - 09:35 AM
Amos 12 May 07 - 10:58 PM
Rapparee 12 May 07 - 09:38 PM
John Hardly 12 May 07 - 08:40 PM
Amos 12 May 07 - 03:35 PM
Rapparee 12 May 07 - 03:04 PM
Amos 12 May 07 - 12:11 PM
Acme 12 May 07 - 12:06 PM
Amos 12 May 07 - 11:06 AM
Little Hawk 12 May 07 - 10:20 AM
Rapparee 12 May 07 - 10:14 AM
Acme 11 May 07 - 11:51 PM
Acme 11 May 07 - 09:59 PM
Little Hawk 11 May 07 - 09:45 PM
Amos 11 May 07 - 09:43 PM
Little Hawk 11 May 07 - 06:59 PM
Amos 11 May 07 - 06:41 PM
Rapparee 11 May 07 - 06:38 PM
Amos 11 May 07 - 06:35 PM
Amos 11 May 07 - 06:34 PM
Amos 11 May 07 - 06:33 PM
Little Hawk 11 May 07 - 06:09 PM
Amos 11 May 07 - 05:48 PM
Little Hawk 11 May 07 - 02:02 PM
John Hardly 11 May 07 - 01:45 PM
Amos 11 May 07 - 12:31 PM
John Hardly 11 May 07 - 12:23 PM
Amos 11 May 07 - 12:16 PM
MMario 11 May 07 - 11:58 AM
Amos 11 May 07 - 11:57 AM
John Hardly 11 May 07 - 11:27 AM
Acme 11 May 07 - 10:24 AM
John Hardly 11 May 07 - 07:24 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 07 - 09:53 AM

Well, I like things to rhyme. Taking the time to rhyme and adhere to the meter demonstrates self-discipline and that's one of the prime prerequisites for a swordsman.

Got only two more to do for Mom. Because she's great/I'll make it eight.

Did I mention that I learned poetry from Muhammed Ali back when he was boxing?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John Hardly
Date: 15 May 07 - 05:40 AM

We Hoosiers would opt for a yard of steel. Then we wouldn't have to cut the grass. Steel's impractical though. Too expensive, and the expansion rate over an acre in the hot sun -- causes buckling around the shrubbery. I hate buckling around the shrubbery.

Concrete or gravel painted green works fine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 May 07 - 11:54 PM

"Zay?"

Is that what a Hoosier accent sounds like?

What about "Zed?"

(As to the yard of steel--did you skewer them away from the library? Or are you practicing on patrons with overdue books or who speak too loudly?)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 May 07 - 11:41 PM

Goodness gracious, Mom! Let me help you up with a bit of poetry:

Roses are red,
Blood is too,
Mom, I skewered
My opponents for you.

Yes, I ran them through
With a yard of steel
Spleen or brow
My sword they'd feel.

Six of them now
As cold as clay
With MOAB slashed on 'em
Instead of a Zay.

I'm sorry, dear Mom,
That I'm late by a day
But danged few wear swords
Out Idaho way.

    -- Sirano Di Bareback, Mother's Day Gems
      (Carcasson By Moonlight: Nasal Press, 1612)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 May 07 - 10:36 AM

Oh great delight! Full ten bright posts
Have graced this thread, since last I wrote;
Our Mother keeps her honored ghost
Close to her heart, her vibrant note
Is full and rich, and undismayed
By time's erosions, or the rue of days
When unbecoming, foolish sport was played
Upon the ancient tiles of Mother's ways.
So still the thrumming beat pursues
Its timeless, all-fulfilling aim,
And still the poets bravely use,
For their BS, fair Mother's name.
So let it be, so honor fair her soul,
Oh, poets write! And let ye BS roll.

Throckmorton Harris Tump
On Wings of Sand -- Reflections
1915, Burbling-on-Purpis, England


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 May 07 - 10:24 AM

Seems about the right time to share this.

I said "caper," not "tapir!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 14 May 07 - 10:06 AM

And then there is Hooverasaurus, a hose-nosed dinosaur that used powerful suction to devour its prey. Hooverasaurus was thereby forced to eat only smaller creatures. In fact the skeleton of a Hooverasaurus has been found with its hose nose choked by an overambitious attempt to suck up a Brachiosaurus! Both animals perished as a result, presumably from mutual suffocation. The Hooverasaurus had managed to get the head and part of the neck of the Brachiosaurus down its gullet, but choked on the rest.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John Hardly
Date: 14 May 07 - 09:34 AM

"...would apparently scoop up its prey with its lower lip"

Prey which was referred to as "Flapjackasaurus".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 14 May 07 - 09:28 AM

Auggy Q. Hepplewhite


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 May 07 - 09:16 AM

Have I mentioned that paleontologists from the Southeast Idaho School of Placer Mines have discovered the remains of a new, shovel-lower-lipped dinosaur they have name Spatulasaurus Rex? S. Rex would apparently scoop up its prey with its lower lip, flip it high into the air, and catch it in its fearsome mouth as it fell.

Here's a little tip I learned over the weekend: that because the angle of the blades in engagement must be enough to maintain contact throughout the parry to deflect the attack, sometimes the wrist must be angulated somewhat, even though this angulation may expose the wrist to attack.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 May 07 - 12:54 AM

Now you've done it! Spatulas!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John Hardly
Date: 13 May 07 - 09:41 PM

Silent P. Terydactyl

Quiet T. Rex

Q. Wyatt Earp

Some themes, like spatulas, never die.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 May 07 - 08:50 PM

The second T in "Motther" (an unusual variant, I must add) goes
T is for wing-ed lizard. Is this a silent "T" like Pterodactyl? No wait, that's a quiet P. TTyranosaurus?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 May 07 - 07:05 PM

What! And spend their own money?

And now, just for Amos and Mothers' Day, I present:

He was born in Oklahoma
And his wife's name's is Betty Lou Thelma Liz
And he's not responsible for what he's doing
'Cause his mother made him what he is

CHORUS:
Up against the wall Redneck Mother
Mothers who has raised her son so well
He's 34 and drinking in some honky tonk
Just kicking hippies asses and raising hell

He sure does likes his Falstaff beer
He likes to chase it down with that Wild Turkey liquor
He drives a '57 GMC pickup truck
He's got a gun rack, a "goat ropers need love" bumper sticker

REPEAT CHORUS

BREAK

M is for mullet
O is for the Oil they put in your truck
T is for T-bird,
T is for wing-ed lizard
H is for Haggard
E is for eggs
R and is for...
Redneck

REPEAT CHORUS x2
In Muskogee Oklahoma USA


No, no, Amos. Don't bother to thank me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 May 07 - 01:28 PM

This MOM is getting some gardening done today, and maybe when the kids come in this evening someone will bring some flowers. It's usually pretty modest these days, but I'm grooming the kids to be extravagant celebrants of my birthday and special occasions when they're older and earning their own livings.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 May 07 - 01:26 PM

Happy Mother's Day to the Mother of All BS!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 May 07 - 11:06 AM

Up against the Wall, you redneck mothers.

Mom, it is very exciting. Two friends of mine are having a food fight with the FDA, and I think they are going to win.

It is interesting to see it develop; the sliminess of the tactics is quite eye-opening on the dummint's part.

I have another friend who is all revved up to launch a multi-million dollar company, seriously. Just waiting for one of his pitches to bite. I think he might make it.

These people leave me feeling quite ordinary. Alexander, I ain't. But I applaud them, and many others like them, for their sangfroid and intiiative. Pass the pie.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 May 07 - 09:35 AM

Hey, Mom! Happy Mothers' Day to you and all them other Mothers out there. You know who you are, mother.....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 May 07 - 10:58 PM

Funk works at many a level, and in mysterious ways
Its wonders to perform.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 May 07 - 09:38 PM

They're talking about the style and not the odor, right?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John Hardly
Date: 12 May 07 - 08:40 PM

I just heard the Tower of Power sing that "you can't walk a straight line if you're wearin' funky shoes".

I'm not at all sure that that's true. I wonder where ToP did their research? Did they cite any or many sources? What exactly was their expertise in the matter?

Maybe you CAN walk a straight line -- even if you're wearin' funky shoes. I do it all the time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 May 07 - 03:35 PM

The sad voice of riparian experience...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 May 07 - 03:04 PM

Shane really really likes those probes, I'd guess. Learned in jail, probably.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 May 07 - 12:11 PM

It is too much of a coincidence that Shane is getting his probes just now when Mudcat's own favorite private detective, Blake Madison, is undergoing similar treament. Those grays are busy!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 May 07 - 12:06 PM

What he neglected to tell us is that Shane is enjoying the attention.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 May 07 - 11:06 AM

LH:

He has? Are you sure it wasn't just Molsson's that abducted him? It's easy to get them confused.

Where are the details of this misadventure?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 May 07 - 10:20 AM

Meanwhile, poor Shane has been abducted by aliens and is having his mind and body probed. And do any of you care?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 May 07 - 10:14 AM

Meanwhile, Way Out West, the thoughts of a former Hoosier were becomeing clearer and clearer. "Gee," he said to himself, "If this keeps up I'll be able to go to work on Monday, dammit. They might have to carry me upstairs, but at least my mind will be as clear as it ever is."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 May 07 - 11:51 PM

He then sent the telegram.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 May 07 - 09:59 PM

Well that explains it!

Q. Wyatt whipped out his expensive pen and jotted a message on the dog-earred yellow pad, directing the matron at his old digs in Fort Worth, a boarding house in the Stockyard district, to shake out his bed and blanket and dust the ceiling fan. He was headed to town, to dodge his potty brother Mainly Manley.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 May 07 - 09:45 PM

Likewise, Herr Doktor. I continue to regard you as the final word on all questions regarding mental health and psychology.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 May 07 - 09:43 PM

Ack, Leedle Hack, it iss goot to schee you back, ja? You haff been avay? I am schorry to schay I neffer do interfiews, especially mit people curshed by nominal determinism into actink out Fweudian mellerdramas.

I am glad to shee you anyvay, though!

Regards,


Liebenscheiss


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 May 07 - 06:59 PM

We haven't heard from Hector Ballsworthy (of the Independent Press) in some time. Nor have we heard from Doktor Liebenscheiss. Perhaps Ballsworthy can be persuaded to interview Leiebenscheiss one of these days?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 May 07 - 06:41 PM

Pity, sympathy, condolence, commiseration, shared woe, compassionate whimpering all en route. Hang tough but let go of ball(s).


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 May 07 - 06:38 PM

Meanwhile, Way Out West, a former Hoosier sat at his computer, still stoned from the hydrocodone even though it had been over a day since he'd taken it.

"Well," he thought, "Now I know how one of Fighting Irish feels when he's at the bottom of the pile. Like him, at least I hung onto the ball(s)."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 May 07 - 06:35 PM

Like reaching 17K and a half!!

Rupert Brackish de l'Eau
1896


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 May 07 - 06:34 PM

But nothing raises up my shorter hairs...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 May 07 - 06:33 PM

Sometimes the MOAB makes me frown or swear.
Sometimes it makes me laugh....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 May 07 - 06:09 PM

"the bar was the best place to seek information"

That's what Chongo always says too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 May 07 - 05:48 PM

Manly and Still from Indiana had gathered for a late-morning coffee in their third-floor office when the secretary brought them the reincarnation of the cheap yellow form, now a crisp alert yellow page with significant white strips of lettering on it, forming the message from Mainly Still, from Indiana.

"What's this, Manly? Still? from INdiana?"


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 May 07 - 02:02 PM

The cheap yellow form had grown tired of its tawdry existence, spent in the drawers of third class stationery. It yearned to rest on mahogany desks next to a bust of Persephone, and be written on with a $150 pen. The cheap yellow form had its mind made up. It would be a cheap form no longer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John Hardly
Date: 11 May 07 - 01:45 PM

The cheap yellow form finally got up and moved, resentful of having been used as a desk.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 May 07 - 12:31 PM

Mainly thought he smelled trouble and was worried his good-for-nothing brother Q. Wyatt might be getting into trouble. He left the bar and strode to the Western Union office, determined to send a cable to the law firm he knew he could trust -- Manly and Still, from Indiana. His father's firm, once. He sighed, and started writing his message in careful block letters on the cheap yellow form.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John Hardly
Date: 11 May 07 - 12:23 PM

did I say "mainly"?

I meant "manly" and still from Indiana.

stop laughing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 May 07 - 12:16 PM

"Last I heard o' Q. Wyatt," the barkeep responded thoughtfully, "was when he said he was gonna go back to Arkansas to find his little sister, Moonshine. Said he thought she was wukkin' at some place called Copper Kettle. Ain't heard from him since..."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 May 07 - 11:58 AM

He was looking for his brother, Q. Wyatt Still, and given Q. Wyatt's proclivities, the bar was the best place to seek information.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 May 07 - 11:57 AM

Mainly Stille, from Indiana, a rugged, square-jawed paradox, strode through the bat-wing doors and slapped a fistful of eagles down on the bar....


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John Hardly
Date: 11 May 07 - 11:27 AM

I'm mainly still from Indiana.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 May 07 - 10:24 AM

Are you from Maine now?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John Hardly
Date: 11 May 07 - 07:24 AM

HUSH ON YOU MUSKIES!!


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