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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 07 Dec 06 - 05:39 PM
MMario 07 Dec 06 - 04:38 PM
Amos 07 Dec 06 - 04:37 PM
Ebbie 07 Dec 06 - 03:40 PM
Rapparee 07 Dec 06 - 03:38 PM
Amos 07 Dec 06 - 03:35 PM
Acme 07 Dec 06 - 01:14 PM
Rapparee 07 Dec 06 - 12:47 PM
Bunnahabhain 07 Dec 06 - 11:33 AM
Rapparee 07 Dec 06 - 11:33 AM
MMario 07 Dec 06 - 10:56 AM
Acme 07 Dec 06 - 10:40 AM
Rapparee 07 Dec 06 - 08:57 AM
Bunnahabhain 07 Dec 06 - 07:30 AM
Rapparee 06 Dec 06 - 09:39 PM
Rapparee 06 Dec 06 - 09:39 PM
Rapparee 06 Dec 06 - 09:38 PM
Rapparee 06 Dec 06 - 09:38 PM
Amos 06 Dec 06 - 06:18 PM
Acme 06 Dec 06 - 05:21 PM
MMario 06 Dec 06 - 03:13 PM
Rapparee 06 Dec 06 - 02:53 PM
MMario 06 Dec 06 - 02:00 PM
Amos 06 Dec 06 - 01:29 PM
MMario 06 Dec 06 - 12:48 PM
Rapparee 06 Dec 06 - 12:39 PM
MMario 06 Dec 06 - 12:32 PM
Rapparee 06 Dec 06 - 12:28 PM
Bunnahabhain 06 Dec 06 - 12:02 PM
MMario 06 Dec 06 - 11:01 AM
Rapparee 06 Dec 06 - 11:00 AM
Amos 06 Dec 06 - 10:29 AM
Acme 06 Dec 06 - 09:39 AM
Rapparee 06 Dec 06 - 09:02 AM
Ebbie 06 Dec 06 - 12:11 AM
Amos 05 Dec 06 - 11:55 PM
Acme 05 Dec 06 - 11:06 PM
Rapparee 05 Dec 06 - 10:47 PM
Acme 05 Dec 06 - 10:22 PM
Rapparee 05 Dec 06 - 09:49 PM
Rapparee 05 Dec 06 - 03:08 PM
MMario 05 Dec 06 - 01:32 PM
Ebbie 05 Dec 06 - 01:28 PM
Bunnahabhain 05 Dec 06 - 12:11 PM
Rapparee 05 Dec 06 - 10:27 AM
Acme 05 Dec 06 - 09:37 AM
MMario 05 Dec 06 - 09:10 AM
Bunnahabhain 05 Dec 06 - 08:39 AM
Rapparee 05 Dec 06 - 08:22 AM
Acme 04 Dec 06 - 11:17 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Dec 06 - 05:39 PM

If the instructions are followed correctly there will be no pain involved. In fact, you might well come to like the experience.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 07 Dec 06 - 04:38 PM

ow. ow. ow.

don't even want to think.

ow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Dec 06 - 04:37 PM

I guess it depends on what it sinks its little hooks into....

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 07 Dec 06 - 03:40 PM

Wow, Rap. In addition to the money I already sent you- expect FedEx at your door soon- but you will have to be at home- they wouldn't give me an exact date for delivery but were adamant that they wouldn't leave it unattended- I will now have to send you more funds. I LIKE the idea of the velcrotoiletpaper.

Um. It does release, doesn't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Dec 06 - 03:38 PM

Grew up in the Great American Midwest, where we used corn cobs. Ain't NOTHIN' rougher'n a cob.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Dec 06 - 03:35 PM

One can only assume, sir, that you will undertake personally any initial trials of the various prototypes through which such a product must pass, so to speak...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Dec 06 - 01:14 PM

Rug burn! Rug burn!

Let me outta this ground floor!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Dec 06 - 12:47 PM

I have an idea which will make me a multi-mega-super billionaire. And I am going to let all the MOABites have first chance at the IPO.

As I'm sure you know, a LOT of engineering goes into the making of toilet paper. It must be strong and absorbent, but soft and break down easily when wet (but not TOO soon!). Charmin and all sorts of TP companies have spent millions and millions of US dollars engineering today's toilet paper.

But I have come up with tomorrow's toilet paper. By analyzing the uses to which toilet paper is put (apart from its primary use, of course), I have found that it is also use for nose blowing, stopping minor bleeding, blotting lipstick and other things, and even to stop up bullet and other holes.

Velcro, as I certain you're aware, consists of two parts: the hooks and the loops (or velvety part). What I propose to do is to manufacture a toilet paper which uses the technology of the Velcro hooks. Not only will this be more cleansing, but it will facilitate all those "other" uses to which people put toilet paper.

Precisely HOW this will be accomplished is still a well-guarded trade secret, but I can assure you that there is a lot in this idea.

If you'd like in "on the ground floor," just let me know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 07 Dec 06 - 11:33 AM

There is a wonderful part of town, with a heavy population of young professionals. It's stuffed with florists, contempory jewlers, galleries of various sorts, high class butchers, bakers, cheesemongers etc, and three chocolatiers. And many, many bookshops. I just spend a few hours sorting christams.


As for 'chocolate' with emulsifiers etc, I use continential dark chocolate for cooking, let alone gifts or for myself. There are certain standards that cannot be allowed to slip! I got dark (65-75% cocoa) chocolate with rosemary, some with orange oil and peel, and some with raspberry, and a few other bits, like some honeycomb, most of which I've already sent off to Aberdeen.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Dec 06 - 11:33 AM

Dark, rich chocolate. Covering crispy-cooked pork rinds.

UMMM-UMMM GOOD!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 07 Dec 06 - 10:56 AM

and nose warmers. During this season you need to have nose warmers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Dec 06 - 10:40 AM

I hope you're getting them good chocolate! None of this emulsifier-only stuff that has no taste and feels like wax. Throw in a few nuts and krackles and bits of dark chocolate.

Google seems to have lost the drift of this thread. It is advertising "need puppy training" info this morning.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Dec 06 - 08:57 AM

The last part is the easiest to fix, if they set their sights low enough. And yes, chocolate will help with the other two. Putting out chocolate on my desk helps keep my staff happy and mentally...well, if not happy at least somewhat contented.

Besides, they can't yell at me if they're eating chocolate.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 07 Dec 06 - 07:30 AM

I'm currently too busy to be tempted. I just wish it was doing something other than attempting to cheer up a pair of women fed up with life, the universe and being single.

I'm off out now to buy chocolate. See, temptation is easy to avoid if you keep in the right mindset...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Dec 06 - 09:39 PM

And copped another really fake palindrome.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Dec 06 - 09:39 PM

I was tempted, and I succumbed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Dec 06 - 09:38 PM

Oh, what the hell.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Dec 06 - 09:38 PM

How dare you call him a dastard! His father was married!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Dec 06 - 06:18 PM

Count on Sharp-Eyed Stilly to smoke the dastard out! :D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Dec 06 - 05:21 PM

(Leo thought he'd just slip that in. . . )


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 06 Dec 06 - 03:13 PM

there's two signed copies at the Unseen Univeristy Library. But one has been rebound in banana peel.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Dec 06 - 02:53 PM

Yes, but I've READ those letters and "ISP" in this case meant "Inverness Scottish Prostitute." And those letters -- WOWEE!! They were printed on special asbestos paper! I mean, they were hot stuff for ANY time period! And the only copies currently in existence reside in the Extremely Private Collection of the Vatican Library, in the Locked and Relocked Cases of the British Museum, and in the Rare Book Room of Arkham University.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 06 Dec 06 - 02:00 PM

D.C. Parthwaite Holmes was a true visionary; His 1909 collection of "letters to an ISP" was phenomenal.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Dec 06 - 01:29 PM

Ah, woe, how the mighty towers of BS have fallen, lower than ill-fated Ilium. In fact, MM is painting pictures of BEING Ilium! All over a carium.

In days of yore, when folks were bored
And tired of confessing,
Or lighting farts,
They'd vent their hearts
By creatively BSing

But now those folks
Are history's kine
ALthough they still inspire us.
But if they ran
This thread today
'Tis certain, they would fire us!

The gifts they left
Were godly fare,
For gulping, not for nibbling!
What sad decline,
These petty airs
And mild semantic quibbling!

Give o'er, you men
And women fair
Of BS, make thy mastery!
Let not the mediocre rule!
Nor cognitive pederasty!

Step up and speak,
Your arts perform!
Give to the world a lesson!
And show them art
Is still alive
In the Halls of Grand BS'in'.

Dropwirth Condolencias Parthwaite Holmes
General Contractor and Fine Finish Plastering a Specialty, Inc.
Aberdeen, 1911


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 06 Dec 06 - 12:48 PM

it is if you barf out the window all over a car. Then you've been car-sick.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Dec 06 - 12:39 PM

It is simply NOT POSSIBLE to get car sick on a bus!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 06 Dec 06 - 12:32 PM

wanna bet? take away my window seat and I'm noit liable for the consequences!

They said I couldn'ty faint lying down, either, until I did it in the Doctor's office.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Dec 06 - 12:28 PM

Well, if you use the bus you can't GET carsick.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 06 Dec 06 - 12:02 PM

If you get carsick, then stop eating the cars. When the doctors said up you iron intake, they meant five pound prime steaks, with proper beer...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 06 Dec 06 - 11:01 AM

But I really *NEED* to sit by the window. You *KNOW* I get carsick!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Dec 06 - 11:00 AM

"All of you! Quiet down and take the bus!" -- Mom


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Dec 06 - 10:29 AM

"Just don't drive like my brother!" Rapaire.
"Yeah, well, don't drive like MY brother." Amos
"Hell, don't drive like EITHER of my brothers." Stilly
"Hell, don't even get into a car that has any of my siblings in it..." MMario
"MOABites and driving don't mix, and that's final." Bunnhabain

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Dec 06 - 09:39 AM

Ebbie, that solicitation is along the lines of the pitch that Click and Clack do on their Car Talk program when it comes to sending in answers to the Puzzler. If you get my drift. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Dec 06 - 09:02 AM

Ebbie, Mom loves us all. She is aware of Little Hawk's predilection for British aristocracy and Canadian low-lifes, of Amos's,ah, unsavory habits, of Bee-Dubya-Ell's Highland nanopipes, of my perfection. And she forgives us all. She is even aware of Khandu's defection and Tweed's thing about lizards, and she understands. She might not approve, but she understands.

And all she asks in return is enough love to keep her afloat. And speaking of that, if you'll PM me I'll be happy to give you the information about where to send the money for dear MOAB's upkeep. LOTS of money. I keep it in trust for her and invest it wisely in venture capital projects, dot-com startups, and aged liquors.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 06 Dec 06 - 12:11 AM

Well, you see, MMario, this family is big- don't know how many members it has because I keep running into new ones all the time- and there is always somebody going in or leaving whenever I look. They're noisy too, but sometimes their repartee is funny and makes me chuckle in the night. Other times they make my jaw drop. All in all, though, they are entertaining. Just hope Mom thinks so.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Dec 06 - 11:55 PM

Is that the old yak known far and wide as Yakkidy? The one who learned to speak? Most amazing thing. 'Course all he ever learned to say was, "Don't talk back!". But he had this really deep voice.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Dec 06 - 11:06 PM

No, I'm certain it's old! All you do lately is yak yak yak. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Dec 06 - 10:47 PM

Oh no! I just got the yak today.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Dec 06 - 10:22 PM

I believe you've served up this meal before, Rapaire.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Dec 06 - 09:49 PM

Ah, Mom. No one seems to care but me. Here's some dinner -- freshly made biscuits, real butter, braised yak in a Guinness sauce, glazed carrots and parsnips a l'orange, garlic potatoes, and for dessert, a lovely angelica mousse followed by apples, walnuts and stilton with a nice port. I think that this beaujolais will be a great accompaniment to the entree, too. Of course, there's freshly ground and made Jamaica Blue Mountain coffee, demarra sugar, and heavy cream if you'd like it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Dec 06 - 03:08 PM

Oh, that reminds me of this, which was written about me back in my college days:

    With hym ther was dwellynge a poure scoler,
        Hadde lerned art, but al his fantasye
        Was turned for to lerne astrologye,
        And koude a certeyn of conclusiouns,
        To demen by interrogaciouns,
        If that men asked hym in certain houres
        Whan that men sholde have droghte or elles shoures,
        Or if men asked hym what sholde bifalle
       Of every thyng; I may nat rekene hem alle.
              This clerk was cleped hende Nicholas.
        Of deerne love he koude and of solas;
        And therto he was sleigh and ful privee,
        And lyk a mayden meke for to see.
        A chambre hadde he in that hostelrye
        Allone, withouten any compaignye,
        Ful fetisly ydight with herbes swoote;
        And he hymself as sweete as is the roote
        Of lycorys, or any cetewale.
        His Almageste, and bookes grete and smale,
        His astrelabie, longynge for his art,
        His augrym stones layen faire apart,
        On shelves couched at his beddes heed;
        His presse ycovered with a faldyng reed
        And al above ther lay a gay sautrie,
        On which he made a-nyghtes melodie
        So swetely that all the chambre rong;
        And Angelus ad virginem he song;
        And after that he song the Kynges Noote.
        Ful often blessed was his myrie throte.
        And thus this sweete clerk his tyme spente
        After his freendes fyndyng and his rente.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 05 Dec 06 - 01:32 PM

Why Ebbie - whoever can you be referring to?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 05 Dec 06 - 01:28 PM

Whew. Sounds to me like Mom has a bunch of unruly kids. Kinda like that family down the road.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 05 Dec 06 - 12:11 PM

Well, it sailed into the DT, which must have been a fair feat of navigation, but seems to have had some verses scraped off on the way past. This is a relief for those with sensitive ears...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Dec 06 - 10:27 AM

'Twasnt' me that did it! I don't even know those songs.

Would that the HMS Venus which was completed in 1897 and broken up in 1921, or the one broken up in 1972?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Dec 06 - 09:37 AM

Bunn, Mom said to ignore him and he'll stop doing it a lot faster than if we complain about it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 05 Dec 06 - 09:10 AM

sounds like Micca.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 05 Dec 06 - 08:39 AM

At least those songs already exist. A wonderful person, who will be hunted down, hung, drawn, quarted and sentenced to join the legion, has given my better half the idea of writing words to the white heather jig, the black bear, and various other tunes we know backwards. This is a person, who picked the good ship venus as a nice and easy little song to teach to forigners...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Dec 06 - 08:22 AM

Okay, okay. I'll sing this instead:

"Please Daddy don't get drunk this Christmas
I don't want to see my Momma cry
Please Daddy don't get drunk this Christmas
I don't want my Momma cry

Just last year when I was only seven
Now I'm almost eight, as you can see
You came home a quarter past eleven
And fell down underneath
our Christmas tree

"Please Daddy don't get drunk this Christmas
I don't want to see my Momma cry
Please Daddy don't get drunk this Christmas

"Please Daddy don't get drunk this Christmas
I don't want to see my Momma cry
Please Daddy don't get drunk this Christmas
I don't want my Momma cry

"Please Daddy don't get drunk this Christmas
I don't want to see my Momma cry
Please Daddy don't get drunk this Christmas
I don't want my Momma cry

I don't want my Momma cry

Mama smiled and looked
Outside the window
She told me son
You better go upstairs
Then you laughed and hollered "Merry Christmas"
I turned around and saw
My Momma's tears

Chorus
No,I don't want to see my Momma cry


And then I'm gonna sing:

Well you've all heard the story
About Rudolph and his nose
Well I'll tell you a Christmas tell
That never has been told
Well you may think you've heard it all
But you ain't heard nothin' yet
About that crazy Christmas
That the North Pole can't forget

Rudolph was under the weather
And had to call in sick
So he got on the horn
To his cousin Leroy
Who lived out in the sticks
He said Santa's really counting on me
And I hate to pass the buck
Leroy said Hey I'm on my way
And he jumped in his pick-up truck
When Leroy got to the North Pole
All the reindeer stiggered and laughed
They never seen a deer in overalls
And a John Deer tractor hat
Well Santa stepped in
And said just calm down
Cuz we all got a job to do
Like it or not Leroy's in charge
And he's gonna be leading you
And it was

Leroy The Redneck Reindeer
Hooked to the front of the sleigh
Delivering toys to all the good ol' boys
And girls along the way
He's just a down home party animal
Two Steppin all across the sky
He makes jingle bells with the rebel yell
And made history that night

Before that night was over
Leroy had changed there tune
He had them scootin a holf
On every single roof
By the light of a neon moon
Santa wrapped his bad with the dixie flag
He as having the time of his life
You could here him call
Merry Chistmas Y'all
And all of yall a goodnight
And it was

Leroy The Redneck Reindeer
Hooked to the front of the sleigh
Delivering toys to all the good ol' boys
And girls along the way
He's just a down home party animal
Two Steppin all across the sky
He makes jingle bells with the rebel yell
And made history that night

He makes Jingle Bells with the rebel yell
And made history that night


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Dec 06 - 11:17 PM

Hey, Mom! Rapaire's singing That Song again. I thought you told him he had to take it out in the yard.


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