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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 09 Aug 06 - 03:03 PM
Rapparee 09 Aug 06 - 02:54 PM
Amos 09 Aug 06 - 02:47 PM
Acme 09 Aug 06 - 10:34 AM
Rapparee 09 Aug 06 - 08:46 AM
Amos 09 Aug 06 - 08:38 AM
Acme 08 Aug 06 - 11:38 PM
Amos 08 Aug 06 - 11:23 PM
Acme 08 Aug 06 - 10:57 PM
Rapparee 08 Aug 06 - 08:46 PM
Amos 08 Aug 06 - 08:41 PM
GUEST,Veronica Rutledge 08 Aug 06 - 08:21 PM
Amos 08 Aug 06 - 07:56 PM
GUEST,Veronica Rutledge 08 Aug 06 - 07:51 PM
Acme 08 Aug 06 - 07:07 PM
GUEST,Veronica Rutledge 08 Aug 06 - 06:10 PM
Rapparee 08 Aug 06 - 12:59 PM
Amos 08 Aug 06 - 11:29 AM
Rapparee 08 Aug 06 - 11:03 AM
Acme 08 Aug 06 - 10:31 AM
Rapparee 08 Aug 06 - 08:54 AM
Acme 08 Aug 06 - 12:02 AM
Amos 07 Aug 06 - 11:05 PM
Rapparee 07 Aug 06 - 11:01 PM
Rapparee 07 Aug 06 - 06:22 PM
Rapparee 07 Aug 06 - 04:42 PM
Amos 07 Aug 06 - 04:37 PM
MMario 07 Aug 06 - 04:09 PM
Rapparee 07 Aug 06 - 04:08 PM
Amos 07 Aug 06 - 03:30 PM
Rapparee 07 Aug 06 - 03:21 PM
Acme 07 Aug 06 - 01:59 PM
Amos 07 Aug 06 - 12:50 PM
MMario 07 Aug 06 - 12:21 PM
Acme 07 Aug 06 - 12:16 PM
MMario 07 Aug 06 - 11:51 AM
Amos 07 Aug 06 - 11:49 AM
Rapparee 07 Aug 06 - 11:01 AM
Acme 07 Aug 06 - 10:20 AM
Rapparee 07 Aug 06 - 09:16 AM
Amos 07 Aug 06 - 09:08 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 Aug 06 - 12:40 AM
Acme 06 Aug 06 - 11:38 PM
Tweed 06 Aug 06 - 11:06 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Aug 06 - 11:04 PM
Rustic Rebel 06 Aug 06 - 10:51 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Aug 06 - 09:18 PM
Rapparee 06 Aug 06 - 08:55 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Aug 06 - 07:29 PM
Amos 06 Aug 06 - 06:57 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Aug 06 - 03:03 PM

Rock on!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Aug 06 - 02:54 PM

The bee is such a busy soul
It has no time for birth control,
And that is why in times like these
There are so many sons of bees.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 06 - 02:47 PM

DO beaches wear water? Is it their protection? Or
do they draw it over them to attract more sand? If
they are lucky, another beach will see them,
fall in love (bemused by the beautiful water covering her),
and they will have
a leedle sonovvabeach.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Aug 06 - 10:34 AM

Our creek is so dry from the drought we have a defacto beach down there. Absent water, that is a nude beach.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Aug 06 - 08:46 AM

As Aunt Penelope sings: "Winston tastes good...."

I dunno about Saint Moritz, Amos, but I've been on a nude beach at Biarritz. I remember it well...it was early April, the air temperature was about 50F with a very brisk and chill wind off the ocean, I was wearing a rain parka over a sweater and corduroy pants...but by Gum! that beach was bare! I was the only person on it, in fact...and I said, "So much for the playgrounds of the rich and famous!" got back into the car, and drove to Bayonne (France, not the other one).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 06 - 08:38 AM

I dunno -- those Rutledges are going skint, I hear. Naw, I was just funnin' witcha.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Aug 06 - 11:38 PM

What's up, Amos? Are you practicing for the boy-toy job?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 06 - 11:23 PM

Oh, jolly good!! Jolly good!! Magnum Opus indeed. LOL!! Quite right!! Damn clever, these Yanks...wonderful sense of humor. Fun loving, too!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Aug 06 - 10:57 PM

A large serving of pengin giblets in Bloom County would be a magnum opus, wouldn't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 06 - 08:46 PM

Penguin giblets make good nibbles at cocktail parties, I understand. Opus wouldn't like it, though.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 06 - 08:41 PM

SAN ANTONIO (Reuters) - Twenty-one penguins were rescued on a hot east Texas highway on Tuesday after a lorry carrying the wildlife to a temporary home south of Houston overturned, said a state trooper.

Four penguins and some exotic fish were killed in the accident, including three penguins that were hit by passing motorists, said Texas Department of Public Safety Trooper Richard Buchanan. "The rest of the penguins kind of stayed together in the ditch."

The lorry, also carrying an octopus that was uninjured, was bound for Moody Gardens, a tourist destination in Galveston, an hour south of Houston, a resort spokeswoman said.

The wildlife was being transported to Texas from the Indianapolis Zoo while the zoo's ocean exhibit is being remodeled, said Jerri Hamacheck of Moody Gardens.

The trooper said it was the oddest traffic accident he had ever handled.

"We've worked several wrecks involving cows, horses, pigs, even fish, but this is the first where the live animals were penguins."

He said he was glad the accident was not worse.

"There was another lorry full of snakes and alligators that was an hour ahead of them, so luckily we didn't have to deal with the alligators," Buchanan said.

The first lorry arrived safely in Galveston by late afternoon, Hamacheck said.




"What's the smallest nun you'ver seen?"

"I dunno, maybe about 125 pounds, 5 foot or so, why?"

"Thank God!! I think I just ran over a penguin!!"

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Veronica Rutledge
Date: 08 Aug 06 - 08:21 PM

Why, I'd like that very much! Only, there's not much snow there at the moment.

Do you want a giggle? The night before last Uncle Winston called Aunt Penelope an "experienced woman" and she became quite angry with him. She can't be too very experienced, as she is only in her early 30s (I think), so I don't know why she became so upset.

Uncle Winston was in his cups again, so perhaps that was the reason. He's drank almost all the Napolean brandy Great-Great Uncle Alexander laid in, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 06 - 07:56 PM

Well, dear, anything is possible if Uncle Winston is willing to provide enough funds. I don't come cheap. But don't try foisting your Aunt on me. Unless she's within a couple of years of your own age and as good looking; you never know with aunts.

We could run off to St Moritz and try out those new skis of yours...

in shorts.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Veronica Rutledge
Date: 08 Aug 06 - 07:51 PM

I would like to have him around just to look at. Rather like some of the younger stablehands, you know?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Aug 06 - 07:07 PM

Ronie, this time of year ALL of us are hot. Rapaire and I are a lot hotter than Amos, and we have droughts also. Be more specific, please. Do you like men who sweat?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Veronica Rutledge
Date: 08 Aug 06 - 06:10 PM

I've been looking at the member photos and Amos is hot! I'd like to meet him, or at least have him meet Aunt Penelope. Yum-yum!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 06 - 12:59 PM

Okay, sucker, here ya go!

The Project Manager/Systems Librarian will drive the Library's overall Search requirements as our library site transitions to SharePoint Server 2007. The library business group is entering our Build phase in the product cycle with solidly defined business requirements in place. The candidate needs to be able to come up to speed quickly on the business requirements and work closely with the Library's Design (PM, Dev and Test) team to ensure the requirements are met and the customer needs satisfied. The candidate will: Own all updates to search-related business documentation. Meet regularly with Design team to drive business requirements for the library catalog search and fulfillment. Troubleshoot any OPAC or overall Search issues with IT group. Manage projects from Acquisitions team to catalog and integrate new 3rd party content metadata/records into library OPAC. Assist with bug reporting/tracking using Product Studio. Liaise with Federated Search vendor to ensure the content targets are being searched correctly and troubleshoot issues with them. Partner with the Library Site Manager to perform user testing of search/fulfillment. Guide Editorial team on development of search/fulfillment assistance articles. Assist design team in developing search and fulfillment testing models.

Qualifications:    The candidate must have 3-5 years experience managing Library back-end systems, and deep knowledge of OPACs, MARC record structure, LCSH cataloging standards and library fulfillments modules. The ideal candidate will have worked directly with Dynix-Horizon, understand library Federated Search, and be familiar with Search functionality on Microsoft SharePoint Server.


Now you know. By the way, if they are using the system I think they are, they're running U2, formerly Pick -- and U2 owned by IBM.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 06 - 11:29 AM

Well, then, reveal unto us your dark Secrets, oh, Whoe-monger of the Arcane!! :D What DO they expect the System Librarian to do for them?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 06 - 11:03 AM

Would I imply that a system that simply performs well and reliably might be superior to one with all the bells and whistels? Me?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Aug 06 - 10:31 AM

Rapaire, even folks at Microsoft know that some things don't improve with change, even though they foist change upon everyone else. Do you think that could be it? Last thing I heard, their Beta version of Office won't speak to documents and files from earlier versions. . . typical, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 06 - 08:54 AM

From the bulk of the message it appears that they want someone to test their automation system on Microsoft Server 2007. A Systems Librarian's job is different from what Amos assumes, too. I know, I was one before I threw in my lot with Lord Moldyfart and moved to The Dark Side. What I find interesting is that Microsoft's corporate library is still using the "obsolete" text-based system we migrated away from three years ago. Then again....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Aug 06 - 12:02 AM

All those Microsoft jobs start out that way, and they list a lot with temps companies also. I looked at those at one time.

Taught the sprout how to make guacamole tonight, and we made a nice big batch (about 4 pounds of it). We had plans to freeze it in ice cube trays so when it comes to snack time he can just thaw two or three cubes and get out some chips. But - gasp! - we were out of chips!!! so we could hardly adequately taste this food of the gods, so I ran to the store. When I got back I found that he'd been so efficient in fitting all of the batch into the ice cube trays that he had to rebuke his sister for swiping guac off of the top of the trays in the freezer to give it a taste. We liberated some of the fresh stuff before it froze and everyone got a taste. Good thing Gluon wasn't around for this--with the garlic and onion in that stuff, its like the perfect critical mass of flavor. We might have had a nuclear reaction if that duck-dog had been in the house!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 11:05 PM

You've already posted the Whoe thing, Rapaire! Over and over.

LOL!!

So Microsoft wants a Software Librarian. Tricky work, ya know, not just like dealing with books and periodicals. ALl kinds of version tracking for complex program builds and different sub-combinations of files in those builds and individual file changes and managing simultaneous updates from multiple sources. No piece o'cake.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 11:01 PM

"whoLe thing." I'll send you the WHOLE thing. Not the "whoe thing".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 06:22 PM

And then there's this, which came on a library-related list I'm on. I'm only posting a little bit of the whole message -- see if you can guess the company!

Position:      Systems Librarian
Type:             Contract
Length:          6 months with possibility of extension
Description:      The largest software company in Redmond, WA has an exciting opportunity for an experienced Systems Librarian!


(PM me if you think you might possibly maybe perhaps qualify and I'll send you the whoe thing.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 04:42 PM

No, but I have a nice neice named Marian, who ran a marathon a year ago this coming October. Her high school track coach is slobbering down his shirt, wanting her for the cross-country team.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 04:37 PM

Or Condaleeza?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 04:09 PM

You don't happen to have a grand-daughter named 'susan' do you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 04:08 PM

Turns out that was under "Other duties as assigned."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 03:30 PM

That's our boy; he moonlights as a starter ofunwanted life, and in his spare time, he doubles as the taker of unwanted life. When he learns to spell H-U-B-R-I-S, the universe will explode and the End Times will occur for sure. I just wanna know if he's going to send those babies to college!

:D

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 03:21 PM

Geez, I thought they were kidding in my job description. "Run the library...and..." Anyway, I also have another side to my job.

Ah, these Old West towns!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 01:59 PM

I view it as Rapaire on autopilot, just pinging the list every so often so we know he's around, but maybe he's actually like a Twilight Zone episode and he's really now a robot just going through the motions. . .

Freds don't do the robot/body swap thing, do they? Where's Gluon? We need her to ferret out an answer to this mystery.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 12:50 PM

Amazing how everyone agrees to ignore Rapaire's paternity. Just AMAZING. Tweed AND BWL, and that in less than 24 hours!!!!!!! It's reeeeee-MARK---able.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 12:21 PM

I was considering napping from now until friday mornng. I gotta wake up then for a bit as we have a mandatory employee picnic.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 12:16 PM

Before or after lunch?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 11:51 AM

???? go away for a mere weekend and all sorts of stuff happens.

nap time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 11:49 AM

Oh, good, Rapaire...act all innocent, like you have no IDEA who the father could be. Sheeshe!!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 11:01 AM

Bee-Dubya is pregnant too? He and Tweed have SOOO much in common to talk about!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 10:20 AM

Tweed or BWL will experience a melding of flavors in the smilax (greenbriar) I send because it will be commingled with other backyard vines, mostly Lonicera (honeysuckle) and to add a zing that keeps going and going and going, there will be a little Toxicodendron (poison ivy) mixed in. That's one way to tickle your tastebuds! (I found a web site that makes great claims to speed up healing after exposure. I'll bite. I'm not likely to be able to avoid that weedy vine the rest of my life.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 09:16 AM

Tweed is noticing strange cravings. Ergo, Tweed in pregnant.

Why not ship all of the smilax you you can spare to Tweed? Not only will it help him with his strange cravings, but it will also ease the pain when he gives birth! Yes! Medical researchers have found that smilax, when eaten in enormous quantities every day, will make a primigravidus give birth at least as easily as if an sharp ax or knife were placed beneath the bed! And if you have recordings of such groups as "The Back Street Boys" or "'N Synch" around send them too!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 09:08 AM

Takes a well-trained tongue to tell the distinction, dunnit?

I mean between "good" and "not very good" turpentine.

How did you acquire the necessary experience?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 12:40 AM

The tender young shoots of some varieties of smilax are quite good. The type that grows where the Florida Folk Festival is held tastes great. A friend who lives just ten miles or so from my place says his daughter browses their smilax regularly. Unfortunately, what grows on my property tastes like turpentine, and not very good turpentine at that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Aug 06 - 11:38 PM

BWL, I haven't experimented brewing with my smilax, but tell you what: that's your research project and in the spirit of science I'll be shipping all of mine to you. Just untangle it from the baby opossums and squirrels (no baby dillies around here, yet).

Meanwhile, I have some sea urchin fossils out back that I'll ship directly to MMario. I think he might want to simmer them for a while and come up with a nice sauce for the glyptodon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 06 Aug 06 - 11:06 PM

Tweed's Log MOABDATE 13530

Solar flares have diminished and the unusual behavior exhibited by the crew of MOAB has aslo. They are at present, happily studying giant baby mammyjammers.

I myself have noticed strange cravings of late. Must stock up on Chokecherry wine, jelly and yogurt during next planetary piss stop.
Rhubarb will do, but chokecherry would keep me docile for some time to come.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Aug 06 - 11:04 PM

You can make wine from chokecherries? I didn't know that. Can you make anything from smilax? Aside from puncture wounds, that is.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 06 Aug 06 - 10:51 PM

Meanwhile back at the ranch.....
The Corn-Porn Queen put aside her cobs to gaze at the large ship, entering sky left, that strangly resembled a Mammadillo. The ship made a sound that was something like rubbing your hand on a piece of viraoglaxamine in the pocket of a pair of tweed pants.
It sounded like... BuWahahahah..kaff kaff......ack phhttt! BuWahahahah..kaff kaff......ack phhttt! BuWahahahah..kaff kaff......ack phhttt!
Slowly hoovering above the Corn-Porn Queen, the hatch of the ship opened and from it fell 3355 jars of caviar and one beluga.
The Corn-Porn Queen ran to her pantry quickly, not to hide or take cover, but to grab a jar of chokecherry wine and crackers.

Fin


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Aug 06 - 09:18 PM

No, it wouldn't be a giant baby armadillo. It would be a baby giant armadillo aka a glyptodon. Sure, they're extinct, but when has that ever bothered anyone around here? Mmario'll probably be barbecuing a couple over at whatever Tavern thread is going on...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Aug 06 - 08:55 PM

So if I were to use a backhoe I could attract a giant baby armadillo?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Aug 06 - 07:29 PM

Baby armadillos seem to be attracted by the sound of scratching in the dirt. We've had them come check us out while working in garden beds with hand cultivators. Little critters are about 90% blind and can't tell that a human is about fifty times bigger than Mammadillo. All they seem to notice is that something's making armadillo noises.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Aug 06 - 06:57 PM

I hope the library's new roof is looking good, Rapaire. I'd like to think something has you covered in al this heat.

A


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