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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 09 Nov 05 - 02:27 PM
Acme 09 Nov 05 - 02:19 PM
Little Hawk 09 Nov 05 - 02:14 PM
Acme 09 Nov 05 - 02:03 PM
MMario 09 Nov 05 - 12:45 PM
Amos 09 Nov 05 - 12:33 PM
MMario 09 Nov 05 - 12:32 PM
Little Hawk 09 Nov 05 - 12:30 PM
Amos 09 Nov 05 - 12:29 PM
Amos 09 Nov 05 - 12:28 PM
Amos 09 Nov 05 - 12:28 PM
Amos 09 Nov 05 - 12:27 PM
Amos 09 Nov 05 - 12:26 PM
Amos 09 Nov 05 - 12:26 PM
Amos 09 Nov 05 - 12:25 PM
Amos 09 Nov 05 - 12:24 PM
Amos 09 Nov 05 - 12:22 PM
MMario 09 Nov 05 - 12:20 PM
GUEST 09 Nov 05 - 12:12 PM
Little Hawk 09 Nov 05 - 12:10 PM
GUEST,Lobelia in Lousiana 09 Nov 05 - 12:06 PM
MMario 09 Nov 05 - 12:05 PM
Acme 09 Nov 05 - 12:04 PM
Acme 09 Nov 05 - 12:02 PM
Skipjack K8 09 Nov 05 - 12:02 PM
MMario 09 Nov 05 - 12:02 PM
GUEST,William Shatner 09 Nov 05 - 12:01 PM
Acme 09 Nov 05 - 12:01 PM
GUEST,William Shatner 09 Nov 05 - 12:01 PM
Acme 09 Nov 05 - 12:01 PM
Acme 09 Nov 05 - 12:00 PM
GUEST,Nerf 09 Nov 05 - 12:00 PM
Acme 09 Nov 05 - 11:57 AM
Acme 09 Nov 05 - 11:57 AM
Acme 09 Nov 05 - 11:55 AM
MMario 09 Nov 05 - 11:54 AM
Acme 09 Nov 05 - 11:53 AM
Acme 09 Nov 05 - 11:52 AM
Acme 09 Nov 05 - 11:49 AM
Acme 09 Nov 05 - 11:44 AM
Little Hawk 09 Nov 05 - 11:38 AM
MMario 09 Nov 05 - 11:33 AM
Amos 09 Nov 05 - 11:23 AM
Little Hawk 09 Nov 05 - 11:10 AM
MMario 09 Nov 05 - 11:06 AM
MMario 09 Nov 05 - 11:05 AM
MMario 09 Nov 05 - 11:04 AM
Rapparee 09 Nov 05 - 09:48 AM
Amos 09 Nov 05 - 09:32 AM
MMario 09 Nov 05 - 09:23 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 02:27 PM

Well by my count, SRS' last is 10,025. That makes mine 10,018. As well as 10, 017, 10,016, 10,015, 10,014, 10,013, 10,012, 10, 011 and even, dare I say it, 10,010. That last one is binary 18! So there.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 02:19 PM

Call me impulsive!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 02:14 PM

Oh, that is just crazy, Stilly...my gawd...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 02:03 PM

Where's Rapaire? He's missing all of this fine verbal surplusage generated on his behalf!

I have dibs on 20,000.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 12:45 PM

*snicker!*

It appears Amos is a victim of the "mark of Zeero!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 12:33 PM

The section from Rapaire's advice from Mom was included erroneously and is not part of the ballad.

Obviously I spent far too much time preparing this piece de resistance. But I would add, with no little pride, that NO_ONE else has post 10,018.


A

Check again o ye of agile wit! ~~~Zeero


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 12:32 PM

wow! Amos is having a regular spate of creativity today!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 12:30 PM

Do you have a job, Amos?

Nice poetry, by the way. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 12:29 PM

And the weight of those weapons
Forced his pants to the floor
And he cursed and he cried
And he sweated and swore
Then he found his solution!
It made his heart dance!
He bought eight pairs of braces
Clipped all 'round his pants.


And it's hands on your sheathes lads,
And keep the blades free,
On your guard for a visit
From Bold Raparee!

Amos thinks he is the only one with this post!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 12:28 PM

But in spite of the pain,
He did strut up and down
Saying "I'll be the baddest
Librarian in town!"
So he strapped on the iron
Just hoping for fun;
But it took him two hours
To pack thirty-eight guns

And it's hands on your sheathes lads,
And keep the blades free,
On your guard for a visit
From Bold Raparee!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 12:28 PM

Then he went to a gun fair
To follow his fate
And he brought back a carload
Of monstrous weight!
There were handguns and air-guns
Both stainless and blued
Though he limped, when he'd heft 'em,
From the Braun in his shoe.

And it's hands on your sheathes lads,
And keep the blades free,
On your guard for a visit
From Bold Raparee!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 12:27 PM

And if you are lucky
As you snoop around
You'll discover he story
Of Bad Leroi Brown."
Now sharpen your pencil
And listen quite well,
And you'll soon to be
The librarian from hell."


And she replied, "Well, you just take care when you do it. And if some of your little piggies are sliced off we'll have them sewn back on. Now put on your Care Bears pajamas, brush your teethies, say your prayers, and climb into the world of sweet dreams."

And so I have done just as Mother suggested. I have thirty-two guns in my pocket for fun, and it's quite a burden. My pants fall down, for one thing. And the cord from the razor keeps getting all tangled up in bushes and things and sometimes I even step on it and trip myself.

But as soon as I change my name to Leroy Brown I'll be the Baddest Man in the Whole Damn Town. First though I suppose I have to determine whether or not there is an "E" on the end of Brown. And whether or not "Leroy" is "Lee Roy" "LeRoy" "Le Roy" or some other variant.

Your assistance would be appreciated.

Thank you for helping me to become the Baddest Man in the Whole Damn Town.

And it's hands on your sheathes lads,
And keep the blades free,
On your guard for a visit
From Bold Raparee!

This bold man of books
Took Counsel from Ma
And he swore he would soon live
Outside of the law.
He got him a razor
110 volts A.C.
Shoved it into his Weejums
Which were 10 triple-E.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 12:26 PM

She told him quite plainly
"Don't act so perplexed!
For the problem is just
That you get no respect!
You're growing a tummy,
And losing your mane
And the folks down at MOAB
Will just cause you pain."

But if you will listen,
And take this advice
We can make you a Monster
In half of a trice!"
"Go log on to iTunes
Where they sell MP3s
And find you some old ones
From Crofut's LPs.

And it's hands on your sheathes lads,
And keep the blades free,
On your guard for a visit
From Bold Raparee!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 12:26 PM

He forsook all his learning
And his Library post
And from honest man's earnings
He gave up the ghost,
He went to his Mother
To learn how to sin,
And the answer she gave him
Made his poor brain to spin.

And it's hands on your sheathes lads,
And keep the blades free,
On your guard for a visit
From Bold Raparee!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 12:25 PM

He'd a good wife and family
And brothers most fond
And friends in the Legion,
And over the pond
But he was not contented,
And the story is sad,
For his one aspiration
Was to truly Be Bad!

And it's hands on your sheathes lads,
And keep the blades free,
On your guard for a visit
From Bold Raparee!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 12:24 PM

A man of great knowledge
Was this erudite cat,
From Dewey to Doctorow,
He had them down pat
He could send you long sections
Of Greeks from the shelf,
Tho' he'd often let on
He'd composed them himself!

And it's hands on your sheathes lads,
And keep the blades free,
On your guard for a visit
From Bold Raparee!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 12:22 PM

Come all you bad rounders
And listen to me,
And I'll sing you the ballad
Of Bold Raparee
A gentlman sober,
A terror when full,
Was this erudite scholar,
And handy with bull.

And it's hands on your sheathes lads,
And keep the blades free,
On your guard for a visit
From Bold Raparee!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 12:20 PM

heck no! If you had read the thread you would realize that sh*t floats and always comes to the top.

MOAB is a constant of the universe - like gravity, conservation of mass; and gas after eating cabbage.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 12:12 PM

Not finished yet?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 12:10 PM

AWright!!! Bill came through! I knew I could count on him. This thread has finally reached its peak moment, and can now move gracefully into its dotage, having achieved all that BS can possibly achieve. Sheesh. I got so excited that I almost had a coronary. I gotta go and lie down or something.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Lobelia in Lousiana
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 12:06 PM

Stilly, you just got "sandwiched" by William Shatner, you lucky girl!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 12:05 PM

once again - our stratagy worked! the Big BS is now stuck with the ultimate in unfortunate posts, # 10,000! why shortly he will find himself a no-talent, ageing, out of work, bumbling, stuttering,incompetent.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 12:04 PM

For once I am relieved to see Shatner turn up. Better than one of these other poachers trying for that brass ring!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 12:02 PM

ssssshoot


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Skipjack K8
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 12:02 PM

I have just read this thread from the beginning, and thought it was time to enter the fray on a round number


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 12:02 PM

I was wondering what you might be refering to!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,William Shatner
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 12:01 PM

And I love it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 12:01 PM

When launching these posts


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,William Shatner
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 12:01 PM

Well, well, well. Still at it, eh? And people say that I don't know when to quit! You know, my friends, sheer tenacity can be a real virtue...when it is applied to what could be termed...a useful project. A good idea. A gift to the world. That sort of thing.

This thread...(cough, cough)...does not qualify as any of those. Nope. Sorry. In the race of life this thread staggers in desperately near to the end of the pack, alongside a lame turtle and a guy in a wheelchair who is trying to get his picture on the cover of "People Magazine". Not that I'm against such things. No indeed. I will always give moral support to those who struggle to overcome innate disadvantages such as a disability, a lack of education, or plain old sheer stupidity. Such people also stand and serve. They may not serve terribly well...but they serve.

Which reminds me, my daughter won the tennis meet in Huntsville, Alabama last Saturday. She can really serve. There are good genes in that girl, let me tell you. You can see her on my website. Just look it up.

Anyway, I was sort of hoping that a little word or two from me would be enough to convince all you folks of the futility of pushing this whole Mother of All BS nonsense any further...but I'm not going to bet the farm on it. Oh...no...I'm not that foolish. I wasn't born last Wednesday.

I figure that you will pay no attention to my good advice, and you will persist in this...exercise...in complete asininity. "Asininity". Now there's a word for you. I like the ring of that. I'm going to have to see if they can work it into an episode of "Boston Legal". That's my new show, as you of course must know. Be sure to watch it. It's great.

So, here's a smile and a wink from your Captain, the guy who steps down every now and then from his busy life to give you a little encouragement and advice along the way...the guy who isn't too proud to get down and chew the fat with the locals...the guy who is proud to be both Canadian AND a resident of the USA...your pal...your guiding light on the path of life.

Think large, breathe deep, and have a coke on me. You people are great. I love you. And I say that from the bottom of my heart...if not my pocketbook. The tear in my eye is not a fake one. Oh no, not me. I live the parts I play.

- William Shatner


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 12:01 PM

DSL helps


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 12:00 PM

Here's another good one, Coleridge, really rolls off the ol' tongue
(from here)

Kubla Khan

In Xanadu did Kubla Khan
A stately pleasure-dome decree:
Where Alph, the sacred river, ran
Through caverns measureless to man
Down to a sunless sea.

So twice five miles of fertile ground
With walls and towers were girdled round:
And there were gardens bright with sinuous rills,
Where blossomed many an incense-bearing tree;
And here were forests ancient as the hills,
Enfolding sunny spots of greenery.

But oh! that deep romantic chasm which slanted
Down the green hill athwart a cedarn cover!
A savage place! as holy and enchanted
As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted
By woman wailing for her demon-lover!
And from this chasm, with ceaseless turmoil seething,
As if this earth in fast thick pants were breathing,
A mighty fountain momently was forced:
Amid whose swift half-intermitted burst
Huge fragments vaulted like rebounding hail,
Or chaffy grain beneath the thresher's flail:
And 'mid these dancing rocks at once and ever
It flung up momently the sacred river.
Five miles meandering with a mazy motion
Through wood and dale the sacred river ran,
Then reached the caverns measureless to man,
And sank in tumult to a lifeless ocean:
And 'mid this tumult Kubla heard from far
Ancestral voices prophesying war!

The shadow of the dome of pleasure
Floated midway on the waves;
Where was heard the mingled measure
From the fountain and the caves.
It was a miracle of rare device,
A sunny pleasure-dome with caves of ice!

A damsel with a dulcimer
In a vision once I saw:
It was an Abyssinian maid,
And on her dulcimer she played,
Singing of Mount Abora.
Could I revive within me
Her symphony and song,
To such a deep delight 'twould win me
That with music loud and long
I would build that dome in air,
That sunny dome! those caves of ice!
And all who heard should see them there,
And all should cry, Beware! Beware!
His flashing eyes, his floating hair!
Weave a circle round him thrice,
And close your eyes with holy dread,
For he on honey-dew hath fed
And drunk the milk of Paradise.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Nerf
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 12:00 PM

Why?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 11:57 AM

Keep yer chin up, Mom!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 11:57 AM

Keep it up, MMario! (so to speak)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 11:55 AM

Like folks at the

Marshall Public Library in Pocatello Idaho


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 11:54 AM

or is he meaner then a junkyard dog? Junkyard does is MEAN- I mean, they have to be, to keep up with the rats and all.

twelve


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 11:53 AM

I hope some of the rest of you are paying attention. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 11:52 AM

Since such a momentus number is coming up, and since I typically post poetry around these times when there is more of a captivated audience, I will post one of my favorites. It's good, and it's important.

Mending Wall
Robert Frost

Something there is that doesn't love a wall,
That sends the frozen-ground-swell under it
And spills the upper boulder in the sun,
And make gaps even two can pass abreast.
The work of hunters is another thing:
I have come after them and made repair
Where they have left not one stone on a stone,
But they would have the rabbit out of hiding,
To please the yelping dogs. The gaps I mean,
No one has seen them made or heard them made,
But at spring mending-time we find them there,
I let my neighbor know beyond the hill;
And on a day we meet to walk the line
And set the wall between us once again.
We keep the wall between us as we go.
To each the boulders that have fallen to each.
And some are loaves and some so nearly balls
We have to use a spell to make them balance:
"Stay where you are until our backs are turned!"
We wear our fingers rough with handling them.
Oh, just another kind of outdoor game,
One on a side. It comes to little more:
There were it is we do not need the wall:
He is all pine and I am apple orchard.
My apple trees will never get across
And eat the cones under his pines, I tell him.
He only says, "Good fences make good neighbors."
Spring is the mischief in me, and I wonder
If I could put a notion in his head:
"Why do they make good neighbors? Isn't it
Where there are cows? But here there are no cows.
Before I built a wall I'd ask to know
What I was walling in or walling out,
And to whom I was like to give offense.
Something there is that doesn't love a wall,
That wants it down." I could say "Elves" to him,
But it's not elves exactly, and I'd rather
He said it for himself. I see him there,
Bringing a stone grasped firmly by the top
In each hand, like an old-stone savage armed.
He moves in darkness as it seems to me,
Not of woods only and the shade of trees.
He will not go behind his father's saying,
And he likes having though of it so well
He says again, "Good fences make good neighbors."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 11:49 AM

Hmm. That last post vanished, in which I told Leo that there are no starkers men around here to gaze at. That I know of. Any volunteers?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 11:44 AM

I haven't tripped on a shaver wire (cord?) for a long time, but I do sometimes step on the string that dangles from the back of my ironing board cover. When the board is folded the string trails on the floor.

You'd be really bad, Leroy, if you carried an ironing board in your shoe instead of a razor. Same general shape, just much larger. I suppose you could wear one in each shoe to balance yourself out.

Ooops. Pardon me while I go get a cloth to dry the spit off of my screen. This is just too funny to visualize. You could play a sasquatch on the side, with shoes this size. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 11:38 AM

Ask Chongo about that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 11:33 AM

so Raparee - is you meaner then Ol' King Kong?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 11:23 AM

I have always respected you, Goode Rapaire; I just chide you once in a while when you Cop Attitude. I don't think I could respect someone who Aspired to Badenesse, though. I t seems very counter-productive. Is it possible you were being given a Bumme Steere?

I am partial to T-bone, myself.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 11:10 AM

Thanks for all the great Tiddlywinks information! I can only imagine what sort of cool people spend their time doing that. Wow, eh? What a great game.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 11:06 AM

dix-huit


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 11:05 AM

19


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 11:04 AM

Is it legal to marry blue and white wires to green wires in California? Wasn't there a resolution passed on that or some such thing? Or was that a resolution to define marriage as the joining of wires of different gauges? I get confused.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 09:48 AM

Awright, I'm back. And I don't wanna hear one stinkin' word from any of you punks, ya hear? I go off and keep the promises I made months ago, and when I come back I find that I'm pretty much forgotten.

Well, it ain't gonna be that way no more. I'm gonna stomp around the house, I'm gonna sock any chowederbrain who don't like it, ya hear me? You punks wanna stay healthy you don't even THINK about lookin' at me funny, ya unnerstan?

Cuz I'm gonna change my name. Yeah. No more Mr. Nice Rapaire, no more Mr. Goody Twoshoes Rapaire. I'm changin' my name to Leroy Brown. So suck it up, punkos. Deal with it.






And perhaps then I'll obtain the respect I most certainly deserve. For who, other than myself, has been so compromising, so civil, so peaceloving, so considerate, so caring, so conscientious?    Mother, of course, suggested the name change and the reasons for it. She told me, "Son, unless you carry a thirty-two gun your pocket for fun and a razor in your shoe, Amos won't respect you one bit. Bunny will continue to laugh at you behind your back, and that hot Texas tomato will chortle in her chili when your name is mentioned. Which, I hasten to add, it never is. So you have to be metamorphized into the baddest man in the whole damn town. Now you toddle off to bed, and don't forget to say your nighty-nighty prayers."

"But Mom!" I said, "carrying a razor in my shoe seems not just uncomfortable, but unsafe. I could cut off one or more of my little piggies!"

And she replied, "Well, you just take care when you do it. And if some of your little piggies are sliced off we'll have them sewn back on. Now put on your Care Bears pajamas, brush your teethies, say your prayers, and climb into the world of sweet dreams."

And so I have done just as Mother suggested. I have thirty-two guns in my pocket for fun, and it's quite a burden. My pants fall down, for one thing. And the cord from the razor keeps getting all tangled up in bushes and things and sometimes I even step on it and trip myself.

But as soon as I change my name to Leroy Brown I'll be the Baddest Man in the Whole Damn Town. First though I suppose I have to determine whether or not there is an "E" on the end of Brown. And whether or not "Leroy" is "Lee Roy" "LeRoy" "Le Roy" or some other variant.

Your assistance would be appreciated.

Thank you for helping me to become the Baddest Man in the Whole Damn Town.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 09:32 AM

I am weary to me bones, I am; I spent the whole evening rerouting a phone cable that had once been hidden beneath a carpet, and now had to run overhead behind a beam and down the opposite wall, because of the new flooring. But by Yiminy, when the geen-with-white stripes wire was finally married to the blue wire, the damn phone worked just as it shoulda. A small but distinct triumph.

In other news, the MOAB trundles, lurches, staggers, and drags her way to Mudcat history, a Granfaloon to Top All Granfaloons.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 09:23 AM

We used to enjoy a few rounds of rutabaga bowling in the afternoon when Her Majesty was visiting Warwick, but lately the crowds haven't allowed the room for a proper game of bowls.

Before they put the stairs in between the Upper and Lower Shire Cabbage Bowls was popular.

Stilly - rumour hath it that when you talk about gazing at Mars through the binoculars you are using an acronym** - is it true?

but back to the games - Rutabaga bowling of course uses butternut squash for pins, and by preference White rutabagas, though usually only the (inferior) yellow variety is available. Players claim the white roll more evenly and that the yellow fleshed varieties are more uneven. S'truth!







** Mars = Man Across Road, Starkers


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