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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 30 Aug 05 - 10:48 AM
Rapparee 30 Aug 05 - 09:12 AM
MMario 30 Aug 05 - 08:52 AM
Acme 29 Aug 05 - 08:06 PM
Amos 29 Aug 05 - 07:34 PM
Little Hawk 29 Aug 05 - 05:49 PM
Acme 29 Aug 05 - 05:15 PM
Amos 29 Aug 05 - 05:03 PM
Acme 29 Aug 05 - 05:02 PM
Rapparee 29 Aug 05 - 04:55 PM
Little Hawk 29 Aug 05 - 04:39 PM
MMario 29 Aug 05 - 04:31 PM
MMario 29 Aug 05 - 04:25 PM
Amos 29 Aug 05 - 04:21 PM
Rapparee 29 Aug 05 - 04:06 PM
Amos 29 Aug 05 - 03:22 PM
Little Hawk 29 Aug 05 - 01:46 PM
Amos 29 Aug 05 - 01:08 PM
Rapparee 29 Aug 05 - 12:27 PM
Amos 29 Aug 05 - 11:03 AM
Acme 29 Aug 05 - 11:00 AM
Rapparee 29 Aug 05 - 09:18 AM
Amos 28 Aug 05 - 11:41 PM
Acme 28 Aug 05 - 11:20 PM
Little Hawk 28 Aug 05 - 09:01 PM
Amos 28 Aug 05 - 08:00 PM
Bunnahabhain 28 Aug 05 - 07:35 PM
Little Hawk 28 Aug 05 - 07:23 PM
Acme 28 Aug 05 - 07:06 PM
Rapparee 28 Aug 05 - 04:30 PM
Amos 28 Aug 05 - 12:32 PM
JennyO 28 Aug 05 - 11:23 AM
Bunnahabhain 28 Aug 05 - 11:05 AM
Acme 28 Aug 05 - 10:51 AM
JennyO 28 Aug 05 - 10:18 AM
GUEST,freds 28 Aug 05 - 09:35 AM
Rapparee 28 Aug 05 - 09:23 AM
Rapparee 28 Aug 05 - 09:21 AM
Little Hawk 28 Aug 05 - 02:14 AM
Acme 28 Aug 05 - 01:30 AM
Little Hawk 27 Aug 05 - 11:59 PM
Acme 27 Aug 05 - 11:19 PM
Rapparee 27 Aug 05 - 11:11 PM
Acme 27 Aug 05 - 05:41 PM
Acme 27 Aug 05 - 05:39 PM
jpk 27 Aug 05 - 04:24 PM
Acme 27 Aug 05 - 01:50 PM
Amos 27 Aug 05 - 01:08 PM
Acme 27 Aug 05 - 12:12 PM
Acme 27 Aug 05 - 12:26 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Aug 05 - 10:48 AM

So busy working on the darned Z that I missed getting ethereal right. Not as oblique as "goats float," but yesterday didn't seem to be my day for wordplay)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 05 - 09:12 AM

> The bartender says: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So, the E- flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them.   After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished: the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second." An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims: "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight." The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development." This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au naturel. Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless. The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest - and closes the bar.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 30 Aug 05 - 08:52 AM

where the heck are my socks!?!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Aug 05 - 08:06 PM

In your second guess you got it right. But jumping to the wrong conclusion so swiftly--bah!

The "Z" was supposed to be an etheareal Zorro mark, and the font (which on my screen appears as the Bradley Hand ITC, in italics, had just the right amount of panache for the topic at hand. Alas, it went over like a lead balloon, because the size didn't work. But I'll try again (see if this doesn't just knock your socks off and distract you from the pique you exhibited a moment ago):





Z



 



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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Aug 05 - 07:34 PM

SRS;

Your creation of floating "Z"s, which did not succeed, is nevertheless an affront to my dignity, although I am sure you meant no offense. These are traditionally symbols of ennui, which indeed could be construed as a reflection on the quality of my BS in our mutual thread, and, as I am sure you can readily appreciate, therefore an offense to my person and repute. There is probably a misunderstanding -- perhaps you were practicing "Zorro" symbols, and I misinterpreted them. However, I feel it is important to clarify this with you in order to reassure myself that no insult on your part was intended.

I await, good madam, your timely response and remain,

Yr hmbl srvnt,


Amos


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Aug 05 - 05:49 PM

Yea, verily, and forsooth.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Aug 05 - 05:15 PM

I think it's complicated to get the darned html to work.

Z


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Aug 05 - 05:03 PM

It was a complicated business, this matter of artifical pride, wasn't it? :D

The real thing is tricky enough without adding six layers of butter-frosted etiquette on top!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Aug 05 - 05:02 PM

z


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Aug 05 - 04:55 PM

Sir,

I see and understand your point. I must offer my apology for misunderstanding your statements and can only say in mitigation that I have been under some little pressure of late.

Therefore, I will accept you word that you did not use a thesaurus in any format in your post to Little Hawk, and excuse the use of the word "codwallop" to describe myself.

Your most obedient servant,
Rapaire


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Aug 05 - 04:39 PM

One can only wonder where they ever found the time to actually commence the duel itself...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 29 Aug 05 - 04:31 PM

And in chapter II:

3. You may refuse to receive a note from a minor, if you have not made an associate of him; one that has been posted; one that has been publicly disgraced without resenting it, one whose occupation is unlawful; a man in his dotage and a lunatic. There may be other cases, but the character of those enumerated will lead to a correct decision upon those admitted. If you receive a note from a stranger, you have a right to a reasonable time to ascertain his standing in society, unless he be fully vouched for by his friend.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 29 Aug 05 - 04:25 PM

I like this portion:

1. WHENEVER you believe you are insulted, if the insult be in public, and by words or behavior, never resent it there, if you have self-command enough to avoid noticing it. If resented there, you offer an indignity to the company, which you should not.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Aug 05 - 04:21 PM

Sir:

I would be most remiss in my honour and my duty were I to claim, as would you, were you to do so, that I OWNED no thesaurus. Nor is such a claim consistent with your proclaimed respect for the fine elements of civilized and honorable men of intellect. I can only assume that you will readily see, sir, that my invective, which I have agreed to recant, is predicated against the assertion that I USE such a plebian device in my contributions to this most esteemed colloquium. Be assured, sir, that I do not; in particular I did not use one in creating the post--both talented and mellifluous-- which seems to have stimulated Mister Hawke's bloviation and callow, scurrilous and licentious defamation, claiming that I must have used one in its particular creation.

Therein are the limits of any avowal I am willing to make, sir; as a gentleman, I can claim no more, for honor would not allow it.

I remain sir, yr Obed't Srvnt,

Amos


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Aug 05 - 04:06 PM

Sir,

If I have the honour of addressing a gentleman, and I must assume that I do, I will accept you word that do not own a thesaurus in any form, print, electronic, or otherwise. Likewise I will require that you accept my word that neither I nor any member of my family are now or have ever been a "codwallop."

Should you not be able to do this, I will ask Mr. Little Hawk to call upon you as required by the American , Irish, , and French Codes Duello.

I hope that we might arrive at a mutually satisfactory solution.


Your humble servant,
Rapaire


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Aug 05 - 03:22 PM

Good sir Hawke:

I delight in knowing that you possess such an artifact; I request you place it within your personal sphere, in a location analagous to that in which you have lately implied my non-existant thesaurus was to be found, so that it does not suffer deterioration by the incidence of ordinary daylight. I would appreciate phtoographic evidence of your cooperation with this informal invitation on my part concerning the disposition of the CD in question among your own parts.

Eh?????????


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Aug 05 - 01:46 PM

This is great. Almost as good as Twillingsgate. We should get Ms Penelope to fly over and wave her hankie as the signal for the bold combatants to open fire, draw swords, or whatever...

Stilly, I already have that CD, but thanks for the thought, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Aug 05 - 01:08 PM

Sir:

Should you find it possible to seek release of your obviously generous thermal endowment elsewhere, I would urge you to do so before reconsidering your hasty conclusion. The Lie Direct, Sirrah, was your own, impugning my capacity for boundless BS through the falsely implied use of such artifices as a Thesaurus. Thus, you presented a severe affront and disservice, implying that my product of BS is other than fresh-grown, organically generated and the product of rivch and fertile thought.

Therefore, kindly seek a cooler spot and think again; I will exchange with you at your request a reciprocal withdrawal of language, agreeing you are no codwallop in exchange for your recognition that I keep no thesaurus handy.

Should you, in your over-gifted caloric state, decide not to agree to this civil offer, sir, I can only say that I will meet you as you request on the field of honor, in the unlikely event that yuou prove able to locate the same.

Your sincere friend,


Amos


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Aug 05 - 12:27 PM

Codwallop?! CODWALLOP?!?!?!?!!

Sir, you have given the Lie Direct; in short, Sir, I state that I am not now and have never been a "codwallop," and no one in my family was ever such. I cannot, of course, speak for yours.

You have impugned my honour with your statement and I feel that there is no recourse but to expunge the insult with your blood. Should you refuse me this, I will post you as a cowardly bushwacker, a lying rattlesnake, and a clattermonger

My second, Mr. Little Hawk, will call upon you.

And so I remain,

Your friend,

Rapaire


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Aug 05 - 11:03 AM

I don't have a thesaurus, you codwallop! I have an education!

I accept your terms, however.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Aug 05 - 11:00 AM

6. The party of the first part will agree that the party of the second part is without doubt the ne plus ultra, the top of the hill, the sine qua non, the top, the best, of all Mudcatters, and the party of the second part will do likewise for the party of the first part.


I guess logic wasn't high on your list of things to study, eh, Rapaire? You're going to let these two go along thinking each is the top, when by the definition of the very concepts you promote, they can't both be top. One would have to be penultimate.

And why should these two get to fight over that honor, anyway? There are a few others who might like to stand in line for that acknowledgement of BS aggrandizement.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Aug 05 - 09:18 AM

You want pretentious verbosity, Amos? Don't tempt me. You insult Canada's greatest export at your peril.

Pretentious verbosity is Canada's greatest export?

LH is tempted to be pretentiously verbose?

Amos desires pretentious verbosity, and if so, why?

Gad! You entertain guests (my very own blood kin nephew, no less!) and the next time you drop in at Mom's LH and Amos are doing very confusing things and shouting at each other about them.

There will never be peace until all parties can communicate freely and openly, with mutual understanding and trust. Therefore, I propose the Amos and LH, without coercion, in the spirit of the mature, thinking, adults that they are, agree to the following:

1. There will be free and open bilateral inspections;
2. Both sides will reduce the number of their thesaurii over a period of years until neither has any;
3. The thesaurii liberated by this reduction in books will be donated to and held in trust for the general good at their local public libraries;
4. Neither party will in the future obtain, by any means written, electronic, or yet to be invented, a thesaurus or similar work;
5. Each will, upon demand, open their complete personal libraries to UN inspectors;
6. The party of the first part will agree that the party of the second part is without doubt the ne plus ultra, the top of the hill, the sine qua non, the top, the best, of all Mudcatters, and the party of the second part will do likewise for the party of the first part.

And should either party fail to agree to any of these provisions for a better world, the Idaho Legion will be authorized to take whatever steps are deemed by the Legion to be necessary, from the use of nuclear, chemical, and biological weapons up to and including the consumption of all the beer in Canada or wine in California.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Aug 05 - 11:41 PM

NEver mind, you hoser. Get a brew, eh!! ??? Chill, like.


Eh?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Aug 05 - 11:20 PM

Save the bare knuckles for MOAB number poachers.

Little Hawk, get out your copy of Spaced Out: The Best of Leonard Nimoy and William Shatner and chill out!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Aug 05 - 09:01 PM

Oh, you've, like, done it now, eh? The gloves are comin' off, eh? Just you wait.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Aug 05 - 08:00 PM

Canada's greatest export?    Last I heard it was furs. Followed by Bruce Murdoch, followed by Gordon Lightfoot.

I have never insulted any of 'em EH? Eh? Eh?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 28 Aug 05 - 07:35 PM

OK Little Hawk, IT'S WAR!!!

Maple syrup is as as tastless as Budweiser!

Icehocky is a game for poofs in armor! Real men figh like this!

And Canada produces Inferior Quality Beaver!

Hows that for an opening broadside?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Aug 05 - 07:23 PM

Amos's thesaurus is rammed so far up his rear end that he can't talk like a normal person any longer.

Two can play at that game. You want pretentious verbosity, Amos? Don't tempt me. You insult Canada's greatest export at your peril.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Aug 05 - 07:06 PM

He took a nap at his desk on top of the book and the words seeped in. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Aug 05 - 04:30 PM

Found your thesaurus, did you Amos?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Aug 05 - 12:32 PM

Plebeian, pedestrian, jejeune, callow, dull, uninspired, cattarhythmic, microcephalic meanderings about a fat Canadian are below the high-set finely tuned quality standards of excellence here, I believe.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 28 Aug 05 - 11:23 AM

Starts with an S. Hmmm.

Could it be - Sh........iitake Mushroom!

Well, he has a long stalk, which makes him a fun-gi to be with :-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 28 Aug 05 - 11:05 AM

Come on now, let's be sensible. Little Hawks' mystery person begins with a S.

Shakespear


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Aug 05 - 10:51 AM

We can always live with the hope that one day it will be someone else. Stravinski or Sullivan (minus Gilbert) or (most sublime) Shakespeare. He must have been a fun guy to hang around with.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 28 Aug 05 - 10:18 AM

Zaphod Beeblebrox??


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 28 Aug 05 - 09:35 AM

Our labrador has been keeping an eye on the Reapere. Sheithe has been very busy! We will, I think, borrow some of itshehe's dioxyribonucleic acid later today or tomorrow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Aug 05 - 09:23 AM

Bob Dole?

George Bush I?

Tony Blair?

George Coventry?

Amos?

Lazarus Long?

Veronica Rutledge?

The Late Debby Earl?


C'mon, give us a clue!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Aug 05 - 09:21 AM

Me?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Aug 05 - 02:14 AM

Oh, come now. You can't say that you don't know who I mean? Who is the most fun guy around? Who is Mr Congeniality incarnate? Who does goofy TV ads when business is slow (or even when it isn't)? Who rates big with alien girls on Arcturus 5? Who, I ask you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Aug 05 - 01:30 AM

Give us a couple of more letters, LH.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 11:59 PM

S------ is more fun.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 11:19 PM

You have your hands full. Let us send Gluon up your way--he can at least whirl through the back lawn (okay, okay, it'll be singed down to a scorched earth look, but it's that time of year anyway).

You might want to hire someone with goats to do the front lawn, just to avoid the embarrassement of the fire department having to come put it out, were Gluon to work it over.

I hope Pat has her repaired (or new) glasses by now. I think I'd go nuts if I couldn't get out to do anything AND I couldn't see to sit quitely and read.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 11:11 PM

I cut the grass. About 2/3rds of the way through the cable for the self-propelled control snapped. I had to push the thing. The grass was over a foot long, and wet on the bottom. I am stiff, sore, and still have to take care of Pat.

She is going to an orthopod and the dentist on Monday whether she likes it or not.

Tomorrow nephew John arrives. He is carrying, I understand, my electric train (my first Christmas present!), my old epees (French grips), and various other things from the family Back East. Right now he's in Sidney, Nebraska -- Cabela's is there (www.cabelas.com). You'd never guess that he was a hunter and fisherman....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 05:41 PM

I'll have to give Gluon good directions. From the same search, I wouldn't want to end up here. You can hardly see the water for the people. Yuck!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 05:39 PM

Get in line, JPK. . .

I want to escape this heat! This place looks good. Send Gluon around to zap me to this place, please. I'd like to be back in time for dinner, but a couple of hours here would be a nice pick-me-up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: jpk
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 04:24 PM

t'aint been here fore
it's all bunure anywho[bs]
an i want #10,000


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 01:50 PM

Yeah, but I don't want to overdo it and break the pipe behind the spigot. I think I need TWO wrenches, one to stablilize the back and one to try the faucet again. For now I have the water back on and my faucets still work (even if they're drippy) after having been monkeyed with. Sometimes that in itself is a blessing!

It's supposed to hit 102 today. I'm out of the yard plumbing business until early in the morning again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 01:08 PM

Wrench, plus WD40, plus dogged persistence. If needed add a pipe tot he wrench handle for leverage.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 12:12 PM

Well, shoot. I got up early and dug up my water cutoff and re-positioned the concrete box so I can now turn it on and off (the ball valve handle wouldn't rotate far enough to turn off the water). But I can't get the old spigots on the house to cooperate. Soaking them with vinegar doesn't even loosen the crusty stuff holding them on. I need Gluon here to zap those old stuck fittings so I can replace the washers. I don't want to start replacing faucets--that involves holes in walls, from what I can tell. Arrrrggh! (Plumbers cost SO MUCH--but I may have to bite this bullet).

How's Mrs. D. feeling today, Rap? Is the swelling down yet? And I imagine that hand is now purple, yellow, green, blue, all the colors of the rainbow?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Aug 05 - 12:26 AM

over me obe m bovvmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Have you been inhaling a little too close to your wife's bottle of painkillers?

A quick roll across the grass will take care of those ants. (It's what we do down here when confronted with lots of fire ants). Declaring yourself independent of those little buggers would be a good thing to do. Just because you're in Idaho doesn't mean they won't reach you. Just wait. . .


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