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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Teresa 24 Jan 05 - 12:34 AM
Acme 24 Jan 05 - 12:31 AM
Amos 23 Jan 05 - 11:40 PM
GUEST,Mrs. Bee 23 Jan 05 - 11:19 PM
Tweed 23 Jan 05 - 10:32 PM
Teresa 23 Jan 05 - 10:17 PM
Acme 23 Jan 05 - 09:50 PM
Rapparee 23 Jan 05 - 09:46 PM
Rapparee 23 Jan 05 - 09:45 PM
Rapparee 23 Jan 05 - 09:44 PM
Rapparee 23 Jan 05 - 09:44 PM
Rapparee 23 Jan 05 - 09:42 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 23 Jan 05 - 07:02 PM
Amos 23 Jan 05 - 07:01 PM
Tweed 23 Jan 05 - 06:53 PM
Rapparee 23 Jan 05 - 06:36 PM
Tweed 23 Jan 05 - 05:50 PM
Teresa 23 Jan 05 - 05:17 PM
Amos 23 Jan 05 - 05:08 PM
Tweed 23 Jan 05 - 04:59 PM
Amos 23 Jan 05 - 04:08 PM
Amos 23 Jan 05 - 03:09 PM
Acme 23 Jan 05 - 02:54 PM
Amos 23 Jan 05 - 02:29 PM
Acme 23 Jan 05 - 01:37 PM
Rapparee 23 Jan 05 - 01:37 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 23 Jan 05 - 12:51 PM
Acme 23 Jan 05 - 12:04 PM
Rustic Rebel 23 Jan 05 - 03:32 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 23 Jan 05 - 01:04 AM
Acme 22 Jan 05 - 10:39 PM
Amos 22 Jan 05 - 02:30 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 22 Jan 05 - 02:22 PM
Rapparee 22 Jan 05 - 01:50 PM
Acme 22 Jan 05 - 01:43 PM
MOAB 22 Jan 05 - 11:58 AM
Amos 22 Jan 05 - 11:17 AM
Teresa 22 Jan 05 - 12:08 AM
Amos 21 Jan 05 - 11:43 PM
Acme 21 Jan 05 - 11:37 PM
Amos 21 Jan 05 - 11:58 AM
Amos 21 Jan 05 - 11:47 AM
Acme 21 Jan 05 - 10:13 AM
Rapparee 21 Jan 05 - 09:07 AM
Amos 21 Jan 05 - 08:44 AM
Acme 20 Jan 05 - 11:42 PM
MOAB 20 Jan 05 - 06:57 PM
Rapparee 20 Jan 05 - 06:41 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 20 Jan 05 - 06:24 PM
Amos 20 Jan 05 - 06:04 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Teresa
Date: 24 Jan 05 - 12:34 AM

LOL! That was the best laugh I've had in a long time.

As for the odd french there ... er, Amos, I tried to figure it out ... something about a sister and a baby and something pissing blue?

Ok, I give up. My French is rusty, but that stuff has apostrophes with consonants on each side of 'em; never seen that before. :D

Teresa


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Jan 05 - 12:31 AM

I think your cone must have exploded by this time, it's torqued up so high, Tweed. Whew!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jan 05 - 11:40 PM

ROFLMAO!!!Awww, Tweed, you done trucked yourself righteously this time. What a funny story!!I am laughing all over the floor. Butcha didn't need to get rude, now! Napoleon says to tell you" "Tu crois qu'j'vais te croire avec tel un histoire, an histoire si idio qu'ne' tromperai meme un bebe?? Va t'en, ta soeur pise bleue!!" Whatever that may mean!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Mrs. Bee
Date: 23 Jan 05 - 11:19 PM

Help!!!


Bee-dubya's rollin' in th' floor an' he cain't git up! Keep's mutterin' sumfin' like, "Weed your lane drain truck!" No, that's not it. Oh! It's "Tweed, you lamebrained fuck!" I wonder if I should call 911? Nah! Fuck 'im. Serves th' sumbitch right fer disappearin' after thet storm an' leavin' me t' figger out how t' cook them damm MRE's all by muhself.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 23 Jan 05 - 10:32 PM

HAW!! I have for you the ultimate bullshit!! I must share this with the world. My cone runneth over!!
I give to you this bedtime story. A tale of misadventure and salvation and yes....even scandal!!

I give to you the saga obv Bee Dubya and....

THE ACCORDEEN OBV SALBVATION!!



Now tell me who is the fattened donkey's liver!! HAW,HAW,HAW!!!

And Toute suite et chevrolet coupe in the middle of the driveway, to you M.Amos!! ;~)

Regardezz,
Tweed


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Teresa
Date: 23 Jan 05 - 10:17 PM

Now I'm going to be having nightmares about tofu livers. That's worse than chicken hearts!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Jan 05 - 09:50 PM

Rub a dub dub, neuf Frenchmen in the tub (and three cats named Berthe, Mary and Camille sitting on the edge watching it all). Was that a tub of snow, Rapaire? Brrrrr. No wonder the cats stayed out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jan 05 - 09:46 PM

M. Flamenco Ted, mangez ma shorts!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jan 05 - 09:45 PM

Cinq sept sept cinq!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jan 05 - 09:44 PM

Cinq sept sept quatre.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jan 05 - 09:44 PM

Cinq sept sept trois.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jan 05 - 09:42 PM

I understand now! "Pate de foie gros" means "Mashed-up fat phooey with some seasonings which has to be washed down with copious amounts of wine so you can't really taste what you're eating".

Je le dig, as we used to say in Arles, as we sat around the cafe, swilling vin tres ordinaire and stuffing our face with aspargus. Claude would do his Vinny imitation, cupped his hand behind his ear and saying "Eh? Que vous dit?" and Vinny would tell Claude to "va a l'enfer" and pretty soon Les Deux Maggots would be trashed, les flics would be all over the place, and Claude, Vinny, Pierre, Paul, Pablo, Edgar, Camille, Berthe, Alfred, Edouard, Frederic, Mary and the rest of the gang would be hauled off on drunk and disorderly charges yet again. Ah, Ou sont les neiges d'antan?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 23 Jan 05 - 07:02 PM

To plagarize myself...

"T" iz fer th' "T" that's not in "moron"
"W" shore ain't for th' president
Two "E"s iz fer th' two missin' from "dingbat"
"D" iz fer th' "D" not in "miscreant".

Put 'em all together an' they spell "Tweed"
A feller knowed an' famous fer his wit
But everbuddy knows thet when ya spell "Tweed"
It's jus' annuther way t' spell "bullshit".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jan 05 - 07:01 PM

Non, non, mon chere 'ighwayman!!The foie gras, 'ow you say, it is zee fatted liver!!Zere is no fool to it! Nom de dieu, tu es vachement bien un bricoleur sans pareil!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 23 Jan 05 - 06:53 PM

In which case I certainly do not meet all obv that criteria either as I am certainly not fat! I would, however, not mind it very much if I had a large French woman to sit on the edge of my bathtub, mewing and purring while I make my morning ablutions.

I wish that these incessant attacks and innuendos directed against me would cease!! I am not, nor ever been near to being a French cannibal, goose liver nor should I ever be regarded as a drooling, gibbering donkey!! The moon is full, the tide is high and my cone is completely erect. I am at the zenith of mental capacities!!

Yours, fully erect,
Tweed


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jan 05 - 06:36 PM

One need not have goose liver for a pate. Pate can be made from pheasant liver, pork liver, beef liver and even tofu liver (if you're a veggie). "Pate de foie gros" would translate as "pate of the fat fool" (I think), which quite support the oft-heard assertion that the French are cannibalistic.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 23 Jan 05 - 05:50 PM

Patois bois fraublau?? I am a Goose liver?? Dammit man, if I had a goose I am surely more civilized than to butcher the creature just to devour it's innards on a cracker!!

In fact, if I had a goose I would call it Tabby and allow it sit on the edge of my bathtub and listen to it mew and purr while I shave in the morning!! Goose liver! Pshaw!!!

I hope this will dispell any suspicions around here obv my being either a drooling idiot OR that I am in any way affiliated with goose livers.

Thank You so much,
Tweed


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Teresa
Date: 23 Jan 05 - 05:17 PM

I have a nine-month-old kitty named Hans who loves to sit on the edge of my tub. He is genuinely mystified by my love of water, that vile stuff. Don't know if he can see his reflection with all the whatnot of foam and minerals and such I put in there. He certainly seems fascinated with the whole idea. Of course it doesn't help that I'm always talking to him, teasing him :) He'll even dip a paw in a little sometimes.

Ok, as for words, how about "pshaw"? I swear I am going to start using that word in speech; I see it so much in writing. :)

Teresa


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jan 05 - 05:08 PM

Your fastidious scholarly imitation, good Tweed, should disabuse anyone of the adviseability of challenging your curlicues, no matter how farfetched, outlandish, impregnable, inconceivable, or unbearable they may be. You are a pate de fois gras beyond question.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 23 Jan 05 - 04:59 PM

No, no, no....I beg to differ with that explanation as it is obviously too well thought out and researched beyond comprehension.

The cry of "E-voe" actually originated during early bronze age Britain when early Brits first took to the sea in boats of animal skins.

These people would first paint themselves blue and then head for the ocean, thinking the blue paint would camoflage their bodies from the French Royal Navy (during the reign of Neo-lithic King Pepin LeGros). The hapless sailors, thinking themselves to be invisible, would row head on towards the French fleet, screaming at the top of their lungs:

EEEEEE....VOE ME HEARTY'S, EEEEEEEEEEEV....OOOOOOOHHHH!!!



Of course, the French, being somewhat further advanced at that time, were able to detect the attack by using binoculars and telescopes (bronze), developed by famed Parisian Mayor and High Sheriff, Galileo. These instruments were very well designed and allowed the lookouts to actually view the savages even while they were still on dry land applying "camoflage" paint to themselves!! The lookout would call down from his post, "I have the Blues, I have the Blues, Blues is coming!!" And then the rout commenced as soon as the skin boats came into range of the French cannons (also bronze).

It was only a matter of time before "EEE..VOE" became the now familiar, "HEAVE HO", a phrase still in use today during tug of war games. Also, it was not long until Memphis Slim moved to Paris to play his style of music for the nation who first identified themselves as being somewhat blues oriented.

I certainly hope this clarifies your query, my dear Bee-Dubya, and will aslo quell any notions held by some here at Mudcat, obv my being a drooling half-witted idiot.

Regards,
Tweed


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jan 05 - 04:08 PM

That should be Greek drama, not Green drama. In Green drama, Oedipus kills his father when he inadvertently learns that the father owns a lead smelting factory...

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jan 05 - 03:09 PM

Modernly, "evoe" has been somewhat purloioned by neo-mystic groups like Wiccans because it is fancied as a special phrase for invoking high mystic something-or-others. In traditional Green drama it is used as an invocation of Dionysius, the goat-god of the Bacchanale. From Antigone:

Brightest of all the orbs that breathe forth light,
     Authentic son of Zeus, immortal king,
Leader of all the voices of the night,
     Come, and thy train of Thyiads with thee bring,
          Thy maddened rout
Who dance before thee all night long, and shout,
          Thy handmaids we,
          Evoe, Evoe!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Jan 05 - 02:54 PM

How evocative!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jan 05 - 02:29 PM

The word "evoe" is natively found in Greek drama to represent a kind of keening or exalted cry apparently associated with partying hearty, an ancient Greek tradition. It is not a word in English.

Here's some fine examples of mad evoe-mentalism.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Jan 05 - 01:37 PM

My Siamese cat is heard to make that cry (usually when he's sitting beside the empty dish and I'm walking his direction).

Do you have cats?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jan 05 - 01:37 PM

BWL: Yes and no. And you spelled "depraved" incorrectly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 23 Jan 05 - 12:51 PM

Has anyone here ever actually hollered the work "evoe"? I'm always coming across it in crossword puzzles. The clue is usually something like "revellers cry" or "bacchanalian shout". I am absolutely certain that in all the bacchanalian revelling I did during my younger years, the word "evoe" never crossed my lips. Was I just out of the loop? Culturally deprived?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Jan 05 - 12:04 PM

A hot bath is cheaper and faster. And if you can find a Siamese cat who will sit on the edge of the tub and talk to you while you soak, you might be at my house.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 23 Jan 05 - 03:32 AM

Dear Mother,
Thank you for defending my right to be naked and cold.
I forgot that was my journey, and you have so thoughtfully reminded me of my journey that I am sitting here at my computer with harder nipples than I really want and an ass that is quite chilled.
I will sit here with hardened nipples and a quite cold ass until I decide I have had enough.
Then it will be a simple thing of prying my frozen ass off of my chair and finding my comfort spot to retire to, for the rest of the day.
Thank you, Thank you.
My mission in life is not over. I am still alive and cold.
I think it's time to either turn up the heat or go to Florida to seek refuge.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 23 Jan 05 - 01:04 AM

Please click here to see the Klingon Language Institute's fine assortment of Klingon greeting cards!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Jan 05 - 10:39 PM

It was a guffaw at this end! Thanks, BWL!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jan 05 - 02:30 PM

Shucks, ma'a'm, Ah shorely do 'preciate you straightening me out on the right way to do hit!!I dunno much, an' that's a fact.

Now BWL, yore pome had me rolling all around on the floor most unbecoming.

Thanks for the grin!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Jan 05 - 02:22 PM

"M" is for the "M" that's not in "braindead"
"O" is for the "O" not in "insane"
"A" is for the "A" that's not in "idjit"
"B" is for the "B" not in "airplane"

Put them all together they spell "MOAB"
The name that we do our dear mother call
'Cause if you used four other random letters
They might not spell a goddammed thing at all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jan 05 - 01:50 PM

Ah noticed thet too, m'am, only I wasn't gonna say nothin' about it. Ah figgered thet doin' so would jist make ol' Amos nervous an' testy-like, ya know?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Jan 05 - 01:43 PM

Amos,
    Pardon me for pointing this out, but that spells "BULLSTHITW" not "BULLSHIT." You need to indent to make it work properly, and resist that capital T and W.



    B is for the beauty I see in you
    U is for the underwhelm I feel
    L is for the laughter
    L is for more laughter
    S is for the sillyness
    ----that only you make real
    H is for hilarity abounding
    I is for infinity you fill
    T is for the thousand posts resounding
    ----which manifests our silly Common Will.

SRS, editor


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MOAB
Date: 22 Jan 05 - 11:58 AM

Thank you so much for the poems, children. I shall stick them on my refrigerator with little magnets and cherish them. Sure, they're not exactly T.S. Eliot, but they're from my very own children and they are special because my children are special.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jan 05 - 11:17 AM

B is for the beauty I see in you
U is for the underwhelm I feel
L is for the laughter
L is for more laughter
S is for the sillyness
That only you make real
H is for hilarity abounding
I is for infinity you fill
T is for the thousand posts resounding
Which manifests our silly Common Will.

Oh Bullshit we cannot walk by, ignoring!
Bullshit, we must answer to your call!!
Others claim pure reason's pull,
But we answer, simply, "Bull!"
And it's "Bullshit" say we one
And say we all!

MOAB is my Alma Mater
Percival Bysse Rowntree-Cole
excerpted from:
Understanding: A Wealth of Verse
Bayou Chapbooks Pub, Inc, Baton Rouge, 1949
Reprinted by permission


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Teresa
Date: 22 Jan 05 - 12:08 AM

M is for the many ways it shits me,
O is for the one that makes me sane.
A is for the arcane things I learn here,
B is for the bull that is so plain ...

Ok, not my best effort, but I thought this might be an ade:quate place to practice. I am only looking up to my favorite BS-ers!

Teresa


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jan 05 - 11:43 PM

Seems wholly disproportionate, somehow, that this little corner can produce as sturdy a result, for example, as Googling "+Bush +psychotic" (click). What a planet we live on, huh?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Jan 05 - 11:37 PM

Disconcerting that our conversation amongst a few friends (who've never met) can be out there for any Tom, Dick, or Harry to read.

Oh, well.

Onward! (And Upward for Mom)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jan 05 - 11:58 AM

Here's an expanded version with some interesting results.

That Google is as good as MOAB herself, I swan!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jan 05 - 11:47 AM

Yours is so much better than mine, Rapaire!!And isn't it amazing how similar it is to the Catholic Church's First Marian??I am stunned by this kind of synchronicity -- I think Jung was really on to something there....


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Jan 05 - 10:13 AM

Out of curiosity I did a search for the Mother on Google just now. Oddest thing, though, all of these hits in the state of Utah, of all places. Seems they had the same idea as Khandu and have a place set aside for BS, called Moab, UT.

Anyway, not to be discouraged, I reworded my search.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jan 05 - 09:07 AM

MOAB Dear, O Pray for Me
(Trad. hymn-type tune, very much like the Catholic hymn "Mother Dear, O Pray For Me" but not enough to violate copyright or to have secret operatives from Opus Dei knock the author off.)

MOAB dear, O pray for me!
Whilst far from Mudcat and thee
I wander in a fragile bark.
O'er life's tempestuous sea.
O dearest MOAB, from thy throne,
So bright in bliss above.
Protect they child and cheer my path
With they sweet smile of love.

MOAB dear, O pray for me!
Should pleasure's siren lay
E'er tempt thy child to wander far
From Virtue's path away.
When thorns beset life's devious way,
And darkling waters flow,
Then MOAB aid thy weeping child,
Thyself a mother show.

Chorus:

MOAB dear, remember me.
And never cease thy care,
Till in BS eternally,
Thy love and bliss I share.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jan 05 - 08:44 AM

Do not fret, no, do not worry,
Mother keeps you far from harm
You are broken, she will heal you
Cold, and she will keep you warm

In the world there is no other
Who can take the place of Mother
Let your weary problems fall
In the warmth of Mother;s hall.

Come ye. come ye, bull-shit lover,
To the arms of dearest Mother
Far beyond the dull world's ken
There, you need not fret again.

Hark, oh hark, past wind or snow,
Mother calls, and we must go.


Llewellyn Harttwig Chanticleer, 1878-1942

Songs of American Mothers
Brown, Putnam New York, August, 1928
Reprinted by permission


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Jan 05 - 11:42 PM

Send her a copy of Calendar Girls. Maybe that will help.

(Stay warm!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MOAB
Date: 20 Jan 05 - 06:57 PM

Thank you for your concern, Rapaire, but Amos is just feeling a little feisty today. It's not a problem. If he doesn't straighten out in a few days we'll see about getting his medication changed.

The one I'm worried about is Rustic Rebel. Poor thing is stuck up in Minnesota where it's too cold to Web-surf naked. And we all know how much that girl dislikes having to wear clothes. Maybe we'll have to send her down south to visit Tweed until it warms up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jan 05 - 06:41 PM

Yes, indeed I did, Bee-Dubya. This morning, at the Capitol. They were all identified with name tags, too: Rep. So-and-so, or Sen. Thus-and-so. I think that the "Rep" meant "Repeat Offender" and "Sen" mean "Sentenced". Interestingly enough, some of them were women.

Amos, you leave Mom alone or she'll slap you clear into next week.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 Jan 05 - 06:24 PM

So, Rapaire, did you run into any convention-attending broke-dick mamallucas while you were in Boise?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jan 05 - 06:04 PM

Mom!!Mom!!Look!!Look!!Lookit what I can do!!!Mom!!Mom!!!Look!!!!Lookit, Mom!!!Hey, Mom!!! Mom!!Mom!!Look!!Look!!Lookit what I can do!!!Mom!!Mom!!!Look!!!!Lookit, Mom!!!Hey, Mom!!!

Mom!!Mom!!Look!!Look!!Lookit what I can do!!!Mom!!Mom!!!Look!!!!Lookit, Mom!!!Hey, Mom!!!

Mom!!Mom!!Look!!Look!!Lookit what I can do!!!Mom!!Mom!!!Look!!!!Lookit, Mom!!!Hey, Mom!!!Mom!!Mom!!Look!!Look!!Lookit what I can do!!!Mom!!Mom!!!Look!!!!Lookit, Mom!!!Hey, Mom!!!Mom!!Mom!!Look!!Look!!Lookit what I can do!!!Mom!!Mom!!!Look!!!!Lookit, Mom!!!Hey, Mom!!!


A


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