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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

gnu 05 May 12 - 05:40 PM
Rapparee 05 May 12 - 05:12 PM
gnu 05 May 12 - 01:44 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 05 May 12 - 01:16 PM
Amos 05 May 12 - 12:58 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 05 May 12 - 01:39 AM
Rapparee 04 May 12 - 10:37 PM
Rapparee 04 May 12 - 02:48 PM
gnu 04 May 12 - 02:26 PM
Amos 04 May 12 - 02:15 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 04 May 12 - 12:42 PM
MMario 04 May 12 - 10:58 AM
Rapparee 04 May 12 - 10:16 AM
Amos 04 May 12 - 09:29 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 May 12 - 10:59 PM
Rapparee 03 May 12 - 10:48 PM
Amos 03 May 12 - 10:32 PM
Amos 03 May 12 - 05:27 PM
Rapparee 03 May 12 - 01:41 PM
Amos 03 May 12 - 11:52 AM
Acme 03 May 12 - 11:24 AM
Rapparee 03 May 12 - 10:10 AM
Amos 03 May 12 - 10:02 AM
Ebbie 03 May 12 - 02:50 AM
Rapparee 03 May 12 - 12:17 AM
Amos 02 May 12 - 11:50 PM
Rapparee 02 May 12 - 04:27 PM
Ebbie 02 May 12 - 02:34 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 02 May 12 - 02:14 PM
Rapparee 02 May 12 - 12:58 PM
Amos 02 May 12 - 11:30 AM
Rapparee 02 May 12 - 10:26 AM
Rapparee 02 May 12 - 10:12 AM
MMario 02 May 12 - 09:34 AM
Acme 02 May 12 - 08:39 AM
MMario 02 May 12 - 05:26 AM
Rapparee 01 May 12 - 11:26 PM
Amos 01 May 12 - 12:24 PM
Acme 01 May 12 - 10:44 AM
Rapparee 01 May 12 - 10:07 AM
MMario 01 May 12 - 09:15 AM
Rapparee 30 Apr 12 - 11:28 PM
Acme 30 Apr 12 - 12:21 PM
Amos 30 Apr 12 - 12:06 PM
Amos 30 Apr 12 - 10:55 AM
Amos 30 Apr 12 - 10:34 AM
Rapparee 30 Apr 12 - 09:58 AM
Rapparee 29 Apr 12 - 11:38 PM
Acme 29 Apr 12 - 10:51 PM
Rapparee 29 Apr 12 - 08:59 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 May 12 - 05:40 PM

Jamie Lee... Sexy!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 May 12 - 05:12 PM

Who is Jamie Lee Curtis and does she or he owe you Big Buck$ or something?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 May 12 - 01:44 PM

I am screening all calls... except when Mum calls, of course. And anyone who owes me money, naturally... goes without saying, I suppose. And calls from relatives that seldom call because I figure there must be bad news and it's better to get it over with right away. And then there's the doctors' offices and ya gotta take them on accounta if ya try ta call back ya get a busy signal like forever, eh? I suppose I'd take a call from most 'Catters... but only if they had a Mudcat membership.

Oh... yeah... and Jamie Lee Curtis fer sure.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 05 May 12 - 01:16 PM

The truth is, Amos, you left the Episcopalian church cos they drummed you out for yer outrageous sinfullness and yer total lack of repentance, see? You had become an embarrassment to the congregation and you had to go. It was the secret trips down to Mexico and the incident with the poodle that finally put the last rusty nail in yer metaphorical coffin as far as they was concerned. You had gone too far. Beyond the pale. So you was cast out into the outer darkness, driven to seek solace in late night psuedo-intellectual conversations with yer lawyer buddies over at Starbucks and clandestine meetings with proskirts on Sunset Boulevard.

Yers is a sad case. I would shed a tear for yer sufferin' and irredeemably lost soul...if I wasn't too busy right now filin' down this ragged fingernail here.

Maybe later. ;-D

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 May 12 - 12:58 PM

I knew, if I were to be a Christian, that it would have to be Protestant. No question. But the 'Piskies were just too much sturm und drang and furbelows for my taste, and their metaphysics never did quite add up. So I turned in my altar boy costume and my choir scores and bid a quiet Adieu to all that.

I noticed LH refuses to let Chongo be nettled by my acerbic remarks concerning brains being animated by imaginary characters. Too bad, it was a pretty good line.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 05 May 12 - 01:39 AM

You could be right, Rap! It would explain a lot, wouldn't it? Man, this could be the start of a major investigation that would rock the political system to its foundations!

I'm bettin' it's either old Mayor Daly's brain, havin' outlived Daley himself...or it's Jimmy Hoffa's brain...same basic scenario. I'm gonna look further into this.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 May 12 - 10:37 PM

Come to think of it, I'll betcha that they have a whole big collection of politicians' brains. An international collection.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 May 12 - 02:48 PM

Sorry, Charlier Chongo. You can't do that because that brain-in-a-jar belongs to the Mayor of Chicago or one of the aldermen. See, when you go into Chicago politics you gotta leave your brain someplace and just do what you're told. Now we know where all them brains are kept.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 May 12 - 02:26 PM

Couldn't decide if you were a protestant or a Cat'lic?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 May 12 - 02:15 PM

I think you should go for it, Chongo. I haven't seen a living brain be animated by an an imaginary character since I left the Episcopalian Church.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 04 May 12 - 12:42 PM

Now look here, guys. I was down at the medical labs yesterday checkin' out a stiff for a case I'm workin' on. It was a druggist who got killed by someone shovin' an icepick up his nose. A nasty sight. I gotta find out who did it. And why.

But that's another matter. The point is, they had a livin' brain there in a glass container...a fully functionin' brain that is bein' kept alive on life support inside a saline solution. This brain works. It can add 2 plus 2 and get four. It knows when to scratch an itch...but can't...because it's got no arms, see?

That brain needs a home. It needs a fresh and agreeable host that ain't got nothin' between the ears right now, see?

I am thinkin' that youse people here could all apply to BE that host! You all got the basic credentials: livin' body, no functionin' brains.

So, here's the deal. You all put yer names in the hat, so to speak. You all write in and volunteer to host the bodiless brain in Chicago. Either one of you wins big and gets the brain fulltime...or you could all share it on an equal but part time basis.

There's only about 4 or 5 of you bozos here who are dumb enough to merit this...with Amos and Rap definitely headin' up the line, needless to say, but I think you should look into it pronto. I will help make arrangements.

Move fast on this. Somebody else might get the same idea if you don't. This is yer chance to master some basic things like...knowin' when to talk and when to shut up...comin' in out of the rain...not buggin' people who might decide to kill you...peelin' the right end of the banana...tiein' yer shoelaces...wipin' yer nose...feedin' yerself when ya get hungry...the basics.

- Chongo

p.s. I don't want any money. I am doin' this outta the kindness of my heart, see?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 04 May 12 - 10:58 AM

bee-dubya:

- I'll be right down....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 May 12 - 10:16 AM

Weren't the Chanterelles a motown group back in the early '60s? How did your woods get full of them? Are the reproducing down in Florida?

Amos, they did show up. They won't show up anywhere ever again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 May 12 - 09:29 AM

One of the differentating aspects of sane laughter as distinguished from the glee of absolute insanity is the consciousness of place; the madman will conflate locations in his mind without rhyme or reason and find the results very droll, but does not fundamentally know where he, himself, is located.

THere is a Chinese-Mongolian custom, for example, the violation of which assures a sentence of ostracism or death, and which Rapparree has recently violated publically. As he does not even know what the custom is, he will have little defense when the enforcers arrive at his yurt.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 May 12 - 10:59 PM

My woods are full of chanterelles!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 May 12 - 10:48 PM

Tee hee. Amos took dibs on 66,666 and didn't know that he was marking the decimal point European fashion. So he really has dibs on 66.666 (US fashion) and that's long past.

I can hardly restrain myself from laughing long and loud at such hijinks!

I would have posted all this earlier but I was too busy trying to restrain my mirth.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 May 12 - 10:32 PM

Oh, woe for Mom, and for her town
And the kidlets in her mansion,
For she has dwindled half-way down
For lack of wit and scansion.
Her chilluns off in far-off lands
Too busy are to tend her,
And none of all her salty hands
Will turn out now to mend her!
And I alone, of all her young
Have come back home to raise her.
Oh,, pity Mom, who all alone
Has no-one left to praise her!!

Barnaby Catholic Tiddly
Chief Prognosticator
Tennessee Council on Expanded Rhetorical Devices
Nashville, 1932


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 May 12 - 05:27 PM

Yep. ANd so did you!! :D

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 May 12 - 01:41 PM

That's better. You capitulated. Hahahahahaha!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 May 12 - 11:52 AM

Well, then, I dibs 66,666. And riding shotgun.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 May 12 - 11:24 AM

Rap, tell Pat she's keeping us in stitches with her quilting antics. (She has antics; for you, I think "attics" as in bats in, is probably applicable)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 May 12 - 10:10 AM

No you don't. I called it a long, long time back. So there, Mr. Smarty-Pants!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 May 12 - 10:02 AM

I dibs 666666, gals and pals. Abso-fuggin-lutably.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 03 May 12 - 02:50 AM

"And, Ebbie, you did it at 2:34 p.m. Mudcat Time.

44666 at 2:34."

Wow, indeed. It will be awhile before I do that again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 May 12 - 12:17 AM

Amos, she is a lawyer. Admitted to the bar in Indiana and inactive in Ohio and everything.

The "hits" she made were fabric finds for quilting. I thought I made that very clear. Don't you read between the lines?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 May 12 - 11:50 PM

Why is Pat hitting on lawyers, Rapp? What have they got that you haven't got? Really!!!!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 May 12 - 04:27 PM

And, Ebbie, you did it at 2:34 p.m. Mudcat Time.

44666 at 2:34.

Wow!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 02 May 12 - 02:34 PM

44666- sounds impressive, so here it is.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 May 12 - 02:14 PM

Kemmerer, Pinedale, Jackson, and Driggs? Is that a law firm? Why'd she hit 'em? Professional squabble?

And I have no idea how many grand-nieces/nephews I have. It's hard enough to keep up with grandchildren, of which I have either seven, five-and-a-half, or four, depending on whether step-children's kids count as wholes, halves, or naughts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 May 12 - 12:58 PM

I sprayed it with Scotchguard (a Scots repellent) and it's hanging on the backporch. Mind you, this only repels Scots, not Scotch.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 May 12 - 11:30 AM

Nice to hear you've finally invested yourself.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 May 12 - 10:26 AM

By the way, Mom -- I'm back in town. Pat made some great hits in Kemmerer, Pinedale, Jackson, and Driggs, and I got a vest and some more books (betcha never thought I'd buy any books, didcha?).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 May 12 - 10:12 AM

Oh, this won't fill them with mayonnaise. I suggest a really cheap wine as the thing to be distilled. Or I can give you plans for several simpler solar stills and a recipe for making your own mash/still beer to run through. Run the still beer through three times and you can run the proof up to, oh, about 150 or so.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 02 May 12 - 09:34 AM

That's because she already knows several!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 May 12 - 08:39 AM

That's a big generous move. Congratulations to them!

I should have mentioned, the jars are empty, MOM doesn't need to find some creative way to dispense with a couple of gallons of mayonnaise.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 02 May 12 - 05:26 AM

@Amos - My niece and her husband just adopted the three fosters they have had for a while. This doubles the official size of their family - the three new kids are older then their own three


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 May 12 - 11:26 PM

Go for it, Stilly. Just watch that the temperature doesn't get too high and you start distilling water instead of alcohol.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 May 12 - 12:24 PM

Congrats, MMM, I think, but....who is adopting whom exactly?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 May 12 - 10:44 AM

Not intended, but a sun still does sound like an excellent idea. You guys get right on it! I have some mayo jars in the pantry you can use.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 May 12 - 10:07 AM

Congratulations! I have only two g-nephews, so far, that we know about.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 01 May 12 - 09:15 AM

well - my three oldest grand-nieces and nephew are now official.   Adoption went through at Canandaigua courthouse yesterday. (Despite the fact their 4 year old soon to be sibling growled at the judge)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Apr 12 - 11:28 PM

Sun still...you mean Mom's running a solar still at your place? Geez, what an inventive old gal! The revenoors ain't gonna catch HER by the smoke, nosirree!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Apr 12 - 12:21 PM

MOM, next time you see that guy from the next block out for his walk through the neighborhood ask him to stop by. We need to pay someone to water the yard for a few days next month. He can also rearrange all of the glass jars and bottles you've set out in the yard along the paths and by the bird bath. They need some scrubbing if you want them to sparkle in the sun still.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Apr 12 - 12:06 PM

What shall I do to be just?
What shall I do for the gain
Of the world—for its sadness?
Teach me, O Seers that I trust!
Chart me the difficult main
Leading out of my sorrow and madness
Preach me the purging of pain.

Shall I wrench from my finger the ring
To cast to the tramp at my door?
Shall I tear off each luminous thing
To drop in the palm of the poor?
What shall I do to be just?
Teach me, O Ye in the light,
Whom the poor and the rich alike trust:
My heart is aflame to be right.


Hamlin Garland, 1899


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Apr 12 - 10:55 AM

Hell, where I come from we cast our own stove parts and kitchen sinks. We hand-mold our own electric lights and if we want air conditioning we just go into the workshop and mix up a batch of old-fashioned hand-sanded coolth and pour it into the plumbing system.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Apr 12 - 10:34 AM

Oh, thanks, Rapparree. I was hung over from an afternoon of coffee and cupcakes with a candidate for City Council for whom I think I shall vote.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Apr 12 - 09:58 AM

Mom? Mom?

GET UP!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Apr 12 - 11:38 PM

No, I don't reload (although I might someday) or cast my own bullets.

Visit the National Museum of Health and Medicine in DC sometime. You can see the exhibit on Civil War wounds here; these are the real thing, not replicas. It's a fascinating place to visit, and well worth the gut-wrenching trip.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Apr 12 - 10:51 PM

An author spoke at the Friends of the Library on Friday night at my university. He spoke about the Civil War and reconstruction - and he had a "miniball" in his pocket. He explained why so many amputations in the Civil War - because these things destroyed limbs, didn't just pass through or cause small injuries.

I hope you guys aren't making your own ammo.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Apr 12 - 08:59 PM

Well, the boys who went after the land whale wandered back in last night. Sans horses, sans mules, sans food, sans water, sans pretty much everything except shreds of their clothing and one boot between them.

For some reason they aren't talking about what happened and no, they weren't led to any placer gold.

First time they've shut up about something in years.


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