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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 15 Oct 10 - 01:08 PM
Amos 15 Oct 10 - 12:56 PM
Acme 15 Oct 10 - 12:51 PM
Rapparee 15 Oct 10 - 12:14 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 15 Oct 10 - 12:00 PM
Little Hawk 15 Oct 10 - 11:56 AM
Amos 15 Oct 10 - 11:35 AM
Little Hawk 15 Oct 10 - 11:34 AM
MMario 15 Oct 10 - 11:31 AM
Little Hawk 15 Oct 10 - 10:27 AM
Acme 15 Oct 10 - 10:10 AM
Little Hawk 15 Oct 10 - 08:51 AM
Amos 14 Oct 10 - 11:58 PM
Rapparee 14 Oct 10 - 07:37 PM
Rapparee 14 Oct 10 - 02:23 PM
Amos 14 Oct 10 - 12:21 PM
Little Hawk 14 Oct 10 - 12:00 PM
MMario 14 Oct 10 - 11:43 AM
Acme 14 Oct 10 - 11:30 AM
Little Hawk 14 Oct 10 - 10:46 AM
Rapparee 14 Oct 10 - 10:32 AM
Amos 13 Oct 10 - 10:46 PM
Rapparee 13 Oct 10 - 08:50 PM
Amos 13 Oct 10 - 08:30 PM
Acme 13 Oct 10 - 06:54 PM
Little Hawk 13 Oct 10 - 06:50 PM
Rapparee 13 Oct 10 - 06:30 PM
Little Hawk 13 Oct 10 - 06:18 PM
gnu 13 Oct 10 - 05:35 PM
Amos 13 Oct 10 - 03:42 PM
Acme 13 Oct 10 - 03:35 PM
Eiseley 13 Oct 10 - 03:15 PM
Amos 13 Oct 10 - 02:35 PM
Rapparee 13 Oct 10 - 02:26 PM
Amos 13 Oct 10 - 02:00 PM
Eiseley 13 Oct 10 - 01:28 PM
gnu 13 Oct 10 - 01:23 PM
Acme 13 Oct 10 - 01:00 PM
Rapparee 13 Oct 10 - 11:00 AM
Rapparee 13 Oct 10 - 10:56 AM
Rapparee 13 Oct 10 - 12:18 AM
Eiseley 13 Oct 10 - 12:05 AM
Amos 12 Oct 10 - 08:39 PM
Amos 12 Oct 10 - 07:56 PM
gnu 12 Oct 10 - 07:30 PM
Rapparee 12 Oct 10 - 06:11 PM
Amos 12 Oct 10 - 03:39 PM
Little Hawk 12 Oct 10 - 03:33 PM
Amos 12 Oct 10 - 03:23 PM
Amos 12 Oct 10 - 02:33 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 15 Oct 10 - 01:08 PM

One thing fer sure...she don't need no flippin' vibrator to hit the high notes, eh? Flip me. Un beeeleeeevable! We do not have no women like this in North Ontario. Leastwayes, I don't think so.

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Oct 10 - 12:56 PM

Oh....oh...dear...I don't know if I can handle this woman...she makes me feel faint...oh...dear....gakkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!! (Furball sounds continue while Amos exists stage right).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Oct 10 - 12:51 PM

MOM is so excited! Look who's on the playbill for the Saturday concert down at the Womens' Hovel Annex annual fall concert series. Her old friend Flo.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Oct 10 - 12:14 PM

Peeking through the window again, eh, Shame? Everyone knows that no business in town will let you in its doors. I understand that you're even banned from the sewage treatment plant because of your stink.

The Legion Hovel is not a violent place nor is violence implied. There have been a few mistakes, like the recent explosion of the beer car by the cops, but it has been ten or twelve days since the last fight and that was just a slap-face thing between Ancient Amos (not our Amos) and Surly Bob. Each slapped the other at the same time, not hard, and then0 they passed out together on the floor. It was a lovely sight, like two kittens snuggling together, as long as the kittens were wearing lead-weighted gloves. And the bullet holes are reliques from years and years ago, back when the place was REALLY part of The Wild West. So if you ever were to visit, don't mind the machine guns and pistols -- they wear them now only for show.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 15 Oct 10 - 12:00 PM

I pity youse peple talkin' about a fippin' goddam monkey all the time when you cold be talkin' about wet T-shirt girls or beer.

I seen this girl at the Iron Horse last night and she could of cut glass with them things. No word of a lie, eh?

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Oct 10 - 11:56 AM

Or the Hovel would end up as a smoking, bullet-riddled ruin with bodies strewn hither and yon, and Chongo would have to file a full report with the local constabulary and then pick up his reward for rendering a valuable public service. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Oct 10 - 11:35 AM

If he started a re-education campaign in the Hovel, I think he would end up mounted on the wall, or perhaps serving as a rug.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Oct 10 - 11:34 AM

No. One cannot be specist without prejudice. One can, however, be prejudiced without specism. Prejudice against jazz, for instance, is not specism.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 15 Oct 10 - 11:31 AM

Can one be specist without prejudices? Doesn;t the former imply the latter?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Oct 10 - 10:27 AM

If it wasn't for all the guns and implied violence, the Legion Hovel would be a perfect place for Shane to hang out. And it IS the perfect place for Chongo to hang out, but he'd have to re-educate some of the members and cure them of their specist prejudices.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Oct 10 - 10:10 AM

Well, they'd at least be sick.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Oct 10 - 08:51 AM

They would be sick with envy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Oct 10 - 11:58 PM

ANother pearl of deathless translucent, pellucid literary genius laid before Mother's porcine sprats. Sigh. If only the literary world knew what they were missing!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Oct 10 - 07:37 PM

This just in:

The "necessary rooms" at the Legion Hovel have fallen into a large sinkhole. Apparently they were built over an old mine tunnel after the mouth was dynamited closed many years back. Prissy Magee, the fastidious brother of Stinky, happened to be in the facilities at the time. While he wasn't hurt, he was taken to the hospital strapped on top of an ambulance; he will be hosed off, treated by the local hazmat team as a biological nuisance, and kept overnight for fumigation.

Construction crews are already at work (they're kept on retainer) doing what they can to solve the problem. Several people who have investigated the tunnel report that in addition to what you'd expect there are "fairly large numbers" of revolvers, sawed-off shotguns, knives, straight razors, brass knuckles and other memorabilia in the tunnel. There are also indications that the at some time the tunnel was "salted" with what appears to be gold paint.

In the meantime, denizens of the Hovel are asked to use the facilities at Alice's Place across the street ("Only The Best In The West!" - adv.).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Oct 10 - 02:23 PM

Fighting for Truth, Justice, and the American Way (which is to say, those of North, Central, and South America, including both the Caribbean and Arctic islands, Hawai'i, the Trust Territories of the Pacific, and military and other bases around the world of the various countries included above).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Oct 10 - 12:21 PM

There ain't no flies on Cliche Man!! He's ahead of the curve, a shoo-in, a sure thing, a stitch in time!!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Oct 10 - 12:00 PM

Cliche Man! A trite phrase for every occasion! The perfect thing to grace your next birthday party or other social event! Call up Cliche Man NOW!!!! Take advantage of the pre-Christmas discount!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 14 Oct 10 - 11:43 AM

I'm late with this...but:

Seventy Six more posts to the Next of Kay
Amos and Leetle Hawk led the way...
There were lines and lines of typing really fine
and Rap led off with a cliche!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Oct 10 - 11:30 AM

Did she ever visit the Mudcat Tavern?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Oct 10 - 10:46 AM

I knew a woman who used to go and roll with the sand squids to appease her almost limitless carnal appetites.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Oct 10 - 10:32 AM

Well, they are Idaho Sand Squid. When the pond dries up during the summer they just live in the sand. That's when they lay their eggs. You oughta see it: whole ponds, dry as an old bone, the bottoms covered with thousands of squids all writhing and rolling in the throes of squid passion. Of course it does kick up a lot of dust.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Oct 10 - 10:46 PM

Dead or alive, those squid are your just deserts.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Oct 10 - 08:50 PM

Seventy-five.

And I'm not going down to the Hovel tonight. Tonight they're serving raw squid with hot sauce, freshly caught out of The Pond Beyond The Last Hill Before You Get To The Mountains. There is no guarantee the squid are dead.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Oct 10 - 08:30 PM

The wit and wild semantic tricks
That do our Mother daily fix
Will find a way
To the next of Kay
She needeth now but seventy-six!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Oct 10 - 06:54 PM

You're right about the "state your business!" bark. My dogs telegraph a lot with their barks. I can tell if they're excited about animals at the back, I can tell in an exciting animal is in the yard (that isn't pretty), and I can tell if they are challenging a human. Poppy was doing that bark a couple of weeks ago and I went into the back yard to stand beside her as she telegraphed a bark to the man on the next door neighbor's room "What Are You Doing UP There?!!" The bark really does change. I knew I'd be seeing a person when I went outside.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Oct 10 - 06:50 PM

Sniff! Sniff! Snarf! (rolling around on the ground sounds) - "Wow! This is good shit!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Oct 10 - 06:30 PM

RRup! = Good meal, let's eat it again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Oct 10 - 06:18 PM

"Ougghhhh!" - "Don't ask me to move right now."

"Rrrrrrr!" - "MY BONE!"

"Barch! Barch! Barch!" - "Who goes there? State your business!"

"Ahhhhhhh! (urp!)" - "That was a great meal!!!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 Oct 10 - 05:35 PM

You don't speak hundt? Allow mw to translate.

"Arf." = feed me.

"Ruff." = feed me.

"Arrr... arrr... arrraarrr" = feed me.

Theree are other variations of the dialect.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Oct 10 - 03:42 PM

QUark! Quark!! says Gluon.


AAAAAAFeckt!! Replies Little Hawk's Duckshundt.

It is hard to determine whether LH's pet is being psychological or scatological, but no matter, as long as he is being unintelligible.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Oct 10 - 03:35 PM

[slaps forehead]

I haven't thought of Gluon or the Freds in SOOOOOOO long!

Now I will.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 13 Oct 10 - 03:15 PM

Go back and look at the "invisible writing" for the answer.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Oct 10 - 02:35 PM

You would do well to collect these Tales of the Legion Hovel and publish them.

I am sure the national pulse would quicken with emotion.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Oct 10 - 02:26 PM

Well, it seems that the whole thing last night was a mistake. One of the neighbors -- probably Layin' Lizzie or one of her "girls" -- was mad because Hulkster Yates had parked his triple-rear-wheel, jacked-up, pickup in her lot and took up the usual three spaces. Whoever called reported that out front of the Hovel were "men with guM". Naturally Deef Smitty, the police dispatcher, heard that there were "men with guNS" and put out a Class AAA Terrorist Alert.

Now these folks were Hulkster, The Jonah, and Slim Thickens. They were chomping away on some Juicy Fruit and jawin' about fishin' when searchlights hit 'em, and big amplified voice boomed out not to move, and the SWAT vehicle (one of these but in police blue) was pointing a Great Big Gun at them. They dropped their fishin' poles and raised their hands, but when the SWAT team had run out the back they clubbed the three and handcuffed them saying, "You were told not to move!" and then pepper-gassed them.

Meanwhile, the other two Stryker vehicles had disgorged their squads and were busy lobbing concussion grenades and tear gas bombs in the general direction of the Hovel. As I said before, one of the tear gas bombs missed and exploded the beer car on the Hovel Siding at the same time the SWAT them blew in the screen door and started spraying blanks around on full auto (the Chief ain't crazy and doesn't give these guys real bullets). That's when I dodged out.

This morning the roof to the Hovel is kinda caved in in places and the aroma of pepper gas, tear gas, and gunpowder kinda lingers, mixed with the smell of 50,000 gallons of beer from the beer car. Nobody got hurt (the three outside were bruised, but they LOVE hot peppers so the spray didn't bother them -- in fact they ask for more). The SWAT team was gently chided by the Chief for the slowness of their response and Deef Smitty was told to get new batteries in his hearing aids.

In many ways it was just a normal night at the Legion Hovel. Fortunately there are always at least two backup beer cars in reserve.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Oct 10 - 02:00 PM

No!! "Eiseley" is one of Mom's lovely daughters. The duck-dog which belonged originally to BWL and me is called Gluon.

I don't know what Little Hawk's quxking dog is called--Aaafect, maybe?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 13 Oct 10 - 01:28 PM

What do you call Little Hawk's quacking dog?


A Duckshund!


Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 Oct 10 - 01:23 PM

Now THAT is the stuff! Exciting prose with explosions and men with guns and beer.

I may not know art but I know ted.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Oct 10 - 01:00 PM

Eiseley, you're talking about "Out, Out" by Robert Frost. It's one of those poems that is horrible to watch, heartbreaking, but teaches so much. I have probably pasted it a few times. Only someone who read the entire thing would remember that, though. :)

Where did MOM stash the neti pot? My sinuses are killing me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Oct 10 - 11:00 AM

Come to think of it, the Legionnaires probably shouldn't have screamed "Imperial Stormtroopers!" and "Darth and the Vaderettes!" when the SWAT team blew in the door.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Oct 10 - 10:56 AM

I got nicked to help raise bail money. Seems that the Perpetual Bail Fund was too low to cover it all following last night's raid and even now some of the more undesirable Legionnaires will have to stay in durance vile for a few days. These include Augustus "Dicky" Byrde, who jumped upon the back of a SWAT team members screaming, "Horsey ride! Horsey ride!" and Old Haddockeye, who might have gotten away after stealing the SWAT team's assault vehicle if he hadn't been pulled over for drunken driving.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Oct 10 - 12:18 AM

Well, I'm just back from the Legion Hovel. Fortunately I wasn't harmed when the beer car exploded after the cops' tear gas grenade missed the window and went off under said rail car. It did make a nice hole in the wall out of which I could escape into the darkness that was caused when the Hovel's electric beer pumps shorted out and plunged most of the city into darkness. Waddy shouldn't have wired the sump pump up to the beer pumps even if it did save him from having to run another circuit.

Anyway, no one was harmed much. Just the usual sort of thing that goes on all the time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 13 Oct 10 - 12:05 AM

Oh, I kind of like the cut and paste poetry. It's a reminder that there is such stuff in the world. But the Buzz-Saw one is just so sad. I could go another few Kay without reading it again.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Oct 10 - 08:39 PM

Come and walk a way with me
And we shall inspiration seek
Beyond the edge of morning spree
And over the top of other-week.
Under the shadows, past the trees
Behind the back of Lazy Day,
Let us go ramble, you and I
In quest of thirty-eight of Kay.

Speak not the maundering tongues of man
Nor whisper in their bellied creed
And rattle not the blatherskite
That he shall rest, no sounds to bleed.
Treadle the winsome sunlit ray
Where neither boast nor brag await
And if we creep as soft as day
We may behold the Thirty-eight.

For Kays are not bumptious, harsh or large
Kays whisper in and lissome pass
And splashing like a river-barge,
Will send the Kay far from your grasp!
They blithely fit and dolorous hide
And lightly on the Mayhap skate
So grace and silence name your tunes
If you would find the Thirty-Eight.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Oct 10 - 07:56 PM

Boo!!! Hissss!! Discordant obfuscation is bad enough when it is happenstance, but tis is born of the grossest intentionality. Go to, fie, aroint!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 Oct 10 - 07:30 PM

All that cut and paste is enough to make me not bother with this thread again, as I did some thousands of post ago.

If ya got nothin ta say, don' say it. Geeze oh eh?

I mean, it's the real Mudchat these days. Don't ruin it.

Your mileage may vary. Have fun with it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Oct 10 - 06:11 PM

What? You don't like Milton? You want all of "Paradise Lost" and "Paradise Regained" maybe? "Areopagitica"? "Artis logicae plenior institutio"?

Well, okay. I know! Dante Alighieri:

Al poco giorno e al gran cerchio d'ombra
son giunto, lasso! ed al bianchir de' colli,
quando si perde lo color ne l'erba:
e 'l mio disio però non cangia 'l verde,
sí è barbato ne la dura petra
che parla e sente come fosse donna.

Similmente questa nova donna
si sta gelata come neve a l'ombra;
ché non la move, se non come petra,
il dolce tempo che riscalda i colli,
e che li fa tornar di bianco in verde
perché li copre di fioretti e d'erba.

Quand'ella ha in testa una ghirlanda d'erba,
trae de la mente nostra ogn'altra donna;
perché si mischia il crespo giallo e 'l verde
sí bel, ch'Amor lì viene a stare a l'ombra,
che m'ha serrato intra piccioli colli
più forte assai che la calcina petra.

La sua bellezza ha più vertù che petra,
e 'l colpo suo non può sanar per erba;
ch'io son fuggito per piani e per colli,
per potere scampar da cotal donna;
e dal suo lume non mi può far ombra
poggio né muro mai né fronda verde.

Io l'ho veduta già vestita a verde,
sí fatta ch'ella avrebbe messo in petra
l'amor ch'io porto pur a la sua ombra:
ond'io l'ho chesta in un bel prato d'erba,
innamorata com'anco fu donna,
e chiuso intorno d'altissimi colli.

Ma ben ritorneranno i fiumi a' colli,
prima che questo legno molle e verde
s'infiammi, come suol far bella donna,
di me; che mi torrei dormire in petra
tutto il mio tempo e gir pascendo l'erba,
sol per veder do' suol parmi fanno ombra.

Quandunque i colli fanno più nera ombra,
sotto un bel verde la giovane donna
la fa sparer, com'uom petra sott'erba.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Oct 10 - 03:39 PM

And with that fillip of good mind
Hawk gives us thirty-seven nine
Which means we are 100 posts away
From glory and the THirty EIght of Kay!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Oct 10 - 03:33 PM

Aye, death never was, but life stands proud and triumphant.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Oct 10 - 03:23 PM

THERE is no dusk to be,
There is no dawn that was,
Only there's now, and now,
And the wind in the grass.

Days I remember of
Now in my heart, are now;
Days that I dream will bloom
White the peach bough.

Dying shall never be
Now in the windy grass;
Now under shooken leaves
Death never was.

Archie MacLeish


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Oct 10 - 02:33 PM

Deluging us with the lugubrious tediosities of John Milton is no favor, goode Sirre!


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