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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 24 Aug 10 - 11:34 AM
Rapparee 24 Aug 10 - 11:29 AM
Rapparee 23 Aug 10 - 11:37 PM
Little Hawk 23 Aug 10 - 10:46 PM
Rapparee 23 Aug 10 - 10:04 PM
Acme 23 Aug 10 - 09:54 PM
Little Hawk 23 Aug 10 - 05:47 PM
gnu 23 Aug 10 - 05:39 PM
Rapparee 23 Aug 10 - 03:39 PM
Little Hawk 23 Aug 10 - 10:40 AM
Rapparee 23 Aug 10 - 10:20 AM
Acme 23 Aug 10 - 09:53 AM
GUEST,Eiseley 23 Aug 10 - 12:08 AM
Acme 22 Aug 10 - 10:20 PM
Rapparee 22 Aug 10 - 10:05 PM
Rapparee 22 Aug 10 - 10:05 PM
Little Hawk 22 Aug 10 - 09:58 PM
Acme 22 Aug 10 - 06:07 PM
GUEST,Constable Jack McColl, O.P.P. 22 Aug 10 - 01:11 PM
gnu 22 Aug 10 - 12:57 PM
Rapparee 22 Aug 10 - 12:52 PM
Little Hawk 22 Aug 10 - 12:36 PM
Rapparee 22 Aug 10 - 12:24 PM
Little Hawk 22 Aug 10 - 11:52 AM
Rapparee 21 Aug 10 - 10:26 PM
Rapparee 21 Aug 10 - 03:52 PM
gnu 21 Aug 10 - 02:02 PM
Donuel 21 Aug 10 - 01:20 PM
Rapparee 21 Aug 10 - 01:15 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 21 Aug 10 - 01:10 PM
Donuel 21 Aug 10 - 01:05 PM
Little Hawk 21 Aug 10 - 12:36 PM
Rapparee 21 Aug 10 - 11:46 AM
GUEST, Stilly River Sage 21 Aug 10 - 01:48 AM
Little Hawk 20 Aug 10 - 11:25 PM
Rapparee 20 Aug 10 - 08:58 PM
Amos 20 Aug 10 - 08:19 PM
Little Hawk 20 Aug 10 - 07:04 PM
Rapparee 20 Aug 10 - 07:02 PM
gnu 20 Aug 10 - 06:07 PM
GUEST,Eiseley 20 Aug 10 - 06:04 PM
Little Hawk 20 Aug 10 - 04:45 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 20 Aug 10 - 04:39 PM
Amos 20 Aug 10 - 04:14 PM
Amos 20 Aug 10 - 02:37 PM
Rapparee 20 Aug 10 - 02:33 PM
Amos 20 Aug 10 - 01:48 PM
Little Hawk 20 Aug 10 - 01:29 PM
gnu 20 Aug 10 - 01:17 PM
Little Hawk 20 Aug 10 - 12:31 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Aug 10 - 11:34 AM

Rain! Rain! Rain!

Thank you, monsoons, for slipping into Texas. My yard is so crispy. MOM was spending all day long down at the creek to stay cool. Did you see her, dancing in the yard? She's like a little kid out there (including that she threw her clothes on the porch on the way into the yard. Someone get her a towel, please!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 10 - 11:29 AM

Is it okay to pray it ain't so?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Aug 10 - 11:37 PM

Aw, #@%#!. I thought...well, never mind. I can see it now: "Shame Saves Universe! Hoser Hero In Galactic Struggle! Film at 11."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Aug 10 - 10:46 PM

Oh, my! Could it be? Will Shane return to the bosom of his grieving community?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Aug 10 - 10:04 PM

This was on the Obit thread:

Subject: RE: BS: Obit? Has Shane McBride died???
From: GUEST,Prime Communicator First r'nuf' ك - PM
Date: 23 Aug 10 - 08:18 PM

Hello.

I have been told by The Elder Greys to communicate with you. We have taken the Entity known on your Planet as Shane McBride Of Blind River. In a fortunate circumstance it slipped in the excrement of a domestic animal and triggered The Beacon we implanted earlier. I say that this is fortunate as it was at this very time that its presence was again needed due to a Crisis in (I have no notation to tell you where). It was needed as it is one of the very rare carbon-based Entities who contain both levodioxyribonucleic and dextrodioxyribonucleic acids.

The Elders sensed your concern for this Entity and asked that you be reassured that it will be returned in the same condition as when it was Taken when the Mission is complete.

Thank you.

Prime Communicator First r'nuf' ك


Do you suppose they'll clean his shoes off before returning him?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Aug 10 - 09:54 PM

Those cans of beer would have to be full.

Seems that might attract a lot of attention. You'll have to think of some better way for Shane to follow a marked path.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Aug 10 - 05:47 PM

Yeah, but if you left a trail of beers for him to follow, he would get there eventually.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 23 Aug 10 - 05:39 PM

Amos is in northern Antigonish county. Shane couldn't get there even with my directions.

Take a left...ahhh, then what?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Aug 10 - 03:39 PM

Well, it was either feelings for Shame or that laxative he took. One or the other. Or both. Of course, Shame always did move people.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Aug 10 - 10:40 AM

I knew that Amos worshipped the ground Shane walked on, but I am moved...deeply moved...by the fact that he has run away from home and come to Canada to ascertain for himself if his hero has really passed on. I certainly hope he doesn't yield to despair and jump off Niagara Falls or something. That just wouldn't do.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Aug 10 - 10:20 AM

Jack wrote a book called "The Big Slur"?

Eiseley, Amos ran away from home. When he heard of the possible passing of the possibly late Shame McBride he screamed, "NO!! NO!! He is my Hero, my Guiding Star, this Cannot Be!" and even ran right through the screen door.

We think he's headed North to Find Out The Truth about whether or not Shame has left us, cubed. So far it is all rumours (since they come from Canada, where they spell funny). For all we know for sure, he may be in a little love-nest with Officer Dana, playing with his toes and trying to figure out what a toothbrush is for.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Aug 10 - 09:53 AM

I've caught up with a week's worth of reading. Sorry to hear about the auto accident, Rap. Are you both feeling better now? We had a couple of occasions to slam on the brakes on our road trip, and fortunately enough clearance to avoid such an impact ourselves. So many distractions to avoid when one is driving.

I listened to 3 of the 5 disks of an unabridged recording of Jack Kerouac's Big Sur. MOM would love it - what a blast from the past! I seem to remember she spoke of a summer spent on the Northern California coast. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Eiseley
Date: 23 Aug 10 - 12:08 AM

I'm glad you folks are all right, Rapaire.
Welcome home, Stilly.
Where did Amos go?

And now a reused eulogy:

Poor Shane is dead
Poor Shane M. is dead
All gather round his coffin now and cry
He had a heart of lead
And he fell and bumped his head
Oh why did such a feller have to die?

Poor Shane is dead
Poor Shane M. is dead
He's lookin' oh so peaceful and serene
He's all laid out to rest
With his hands acrost his chest
His fingernails have never been so clean

Shane was the most misunderstood man in this territory
People used to think he was a mean ugly fella and called him a dirty skunk and an ornery pig stealer
But the folks that really knowed him
Knowed that beneath them two dirty shirts he always wore
There beat a heart as big as all outdoors

He loved the birds of the forest
And the beasts of the fields
He loved the mice and the vermin in the barn
And he treated the rats like equals (which was right)
He loved all the little children
He loved everything and everybody in the world
Only . . . only he never let on
And nobody ever knowed it

Poor Shane is dead
Poor Shane M. is dead
His friends are weepin' wail for miles around
The daisies in the dell
Will give out a different smell
Because poor Shane is underneath the ground

Poor Shane is dead
Poor Shane M. is dead
He's lookin' oh so purty and so nice
He looks like he's asleep
It's a shame that he won't keep
But it's summer and we're runnin' out a' ice

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 10:20 PM

I guess I missed something. Or did I? This is another figment of LH's imagination, or a rebuttal by Rapaire, right?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 10:05 PM

To the possible memory of the possibly late Shame McBride: a palindrome.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 10:05 PM

And now...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 09:58 PM

Hey, the whole of North Ontario needs a hankie right now....Shane McBride may have bit the big one! Kicked the bucket! Cashed in his chips! People are crying in the streets. See the BS: Obit? thread all about it for further updates.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 06:07 PM

Hey, MOM! I'm back!

Long hot trip. I need a nap. And a hankie. My nest is suddenly empty.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Constable Jack McColl, O.P.P.
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 01:11 PM

What are we gonna do for laughs now? Being a member of the Sudbury O.P.P. I can vouch for the fact that there is a strange sense of loss haunting the rank and file today all across North Ontario, a sense that things will never really be the same. Who will entertain us by committing unforgettably stupid and poorly planned infractions of the law such as the famous Beer Store robbery with the stolen school bus or the famed fork lift truck getaway chase? Who else would even attempt such things? And if so, who could pull them off in such an incompetent and unique manner?

There are only a few rewards to the tough job of being a cop in North Ontario. One of them was the joy of hauling Shane McBride in, whining and carrying on, after yet another botched misdemeanour, and hearing the cheers and catcalls from the prison inmates and staff as Shane returned once again to his second home...durance vile.

I tell you, it's a funereal atmosphere around here. A hush has fallen over the place. We are discussing whether to lower the station flags to halfmast. Or quartermast possibly. Whatever would seem most fitting.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 12:57 PM

2. Someone may write the tune "The Night McBride Died". Got a ring to it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 12:52 PM

Let us enumerate the good he did, and let the evil be forgotten:

1. He never reproduced.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 12:36 PM

Your eloquence, Rapaire, well befits the gravity of this unspeakably tragic occasion! Hosers all over Canada will no doubt shed a tear or two in their beer at the thought of Shane's passing. His brother Don will be inconsolable, devastated with regret over the harsh words he recently hurled at his baby brother, and now unable to make them good. The entire town of Blind River will be cast under a pall of gloom such as enveloped the island of Sumatra following the eruption at Krakatoa in 1883. Millions will mourn! People will, decades from now, say, "I remember exactly where I was when I heard the news that Shane McBride had died."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 12:24 PM

Oh, if only Shame were still alive! The tragedy, the horror of his leaving will be with us for ages to come! Stumbling, drunk, into a garbage compactor and ending up in a dump, while appropriate, is not my idea of a good way to go. His last words still ring in our ears and will ring for all Eternity: "What the flippin' fli...?"

Alas, poor Shame. I knew him, Little Hawk. A fellow who was an infinite jest. Why, he would have stabbed me in the back a thousand times had he but the courage! And now he has come to this...we need not ask how long he will lay in the earth ere he rot, for tho' he was indeed rotten he was also thoroughly pickled all the time, and so we have his rot preserved in this half-meter cube. Let us close the book on this poor excuse, this dullard, this grown babe, and remember only the good he did, if any.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Aug 10 - 11:52 AM

I fear that in Amos's absence the number of posts to this thread will dwindle by a truly disturbing margin. It may lose over 50% of its bandwidth. Whatever is to be done?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 10:26 PM

Mom has been left alone for over five hours! I just found her on the back porch, sitting in the swing and sipping iced tea! And smiling and humming! You all know what THAT means! Oh lordy lordy, the police will be around 'most any time! She's gonna need an alibi and/or bail money!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 03:52 PM

I've been eating the shrimp farmed in Kentucky, mostly. Cheaper.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 02:02 PM

Glad youse both appear to be OK, Rap.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 01:20 PM

You too can participate, just eat the Gulf Coast shrimp.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 01:15 PM

LH, Shame is the one to be worried. Yesterday morning I was at the range, practicing. I've regained whatever minimal skill I lost and can still do a bullet-vasectomy on a fly 200 meters away using a .22 caliber revolver. But I know Shame is your friend, so if he shows up I'll aim low to incapacitate him, assuming there's something there to hit.

Donuel, are you also referring to The Miracle Of Valdez?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 01:10 PM

What exactly are you proposin' that I do, Donuel?

Is there money in it? I ask, cos the September rent is comin' up.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 01:05 PM

mIRACAL IN THE gULF OF meXICO


BP SCIENTISTS 'RECRUDIATE' inferior US SCIENTISTS !

With the help of Sarah Palin who pointed me in the right direction, I have learned that the oil spill was a blessing.
People have refeudiated BP claims that something wonderful is happening in the Gulf.
1/2 Gov. Sarah Palin recrudiated back reloading the "N" word and pointed to an act of God, thanks to BP, that will take back America and change the future of man/grizzly kind.

Discovered only one month ago by BP deep sea submerables and immediately made Top Secret, it is time the world knows the depth of gratitude we owe BP.
Deep in the darkest recesses of the Gulf of MExico an unanticipated event is brewing. The heating and then cooling of the mix of prehistoric oil, secret formula dispersant and a myriad of normal polutants that flow down the Mississippi, DNA has been given an unprededented challenge. The brew of chemicals, that could have never have been intentionally created by man, is giving rise to life forms that are displaying unchecked growth and immortal qualities that have only b3en seen before in jelly fish. BUT NOW every life form that comes into contact with this strange brew in the GUlf is being effected.

IF we learn how to harness this magical Gulf potion we could grow 50 foot cows, or cows with 50 feet. There are no limits to the possibilities. This wondrous azeotrope of chemicals could be used on Cheney/s heart or to extend the lifespan of Rumsfeld and Gingrich and Bill Gates for thousands of years!

But before we get ahead of ourselves regarding this gift of God and BP...

I STRONGLY SUGGEST WE GET CHONGO THE CHIMP TO PARTICIPATE
in a little experiment with this nysterious miracal Gulf azeotrope.

WE ALL NEED TO APOLOGIZE TO BP! God moves in mysterious ways and BP was only a vessel of this blessing.
mIRACAL IN THE gULF OF meXICO


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 12:36 PM

Ummmm...Rapaire? Would it worry you to hear that Don once owned a blue pickup truck that hasn't been on the road for years now? And that Shane was last seen making his escape in a silver compact car which he stole from outside a Tim Hortons in Sudbury when the car's owner was foolish enough to leave it for a minute with the engine idling?

What I can't figure out is how the hell he got across the US border and made it as far as Idaho in that short a period of time? ;-) Try putting out some free beer in the backyard, set up a hunter's blind, and wait...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 11:46 AM

You sure Aggy will like that Nevada bar you're going to?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST, Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Aug 10 - 01:48 AM

MOM, I'm on the road tomorrow. Nevada Barr and Agatha Christie are coming along for the ride.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 11:25 PM

Damn! Well, the important thing is that you and your wife escaped serious injury.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 08:58 PM

Well, Pat got the license number and it had originally been issued to a blue pickup truck and not a silver compact car. Cops say the chances of catching to perp are slim to none. Our car doesn't seem damaged much, except for a scratched bumper and a hitch possibly out of alignment. An Element is built to shrug off such minor annoyances.

I was bringing Pat back from physical therapy for her back and hope that there wasn't more damage done. She was checked by the EMTs -- we did a U-turn and parked in front of the Fire Station (Eiseley: this was on Pocatello Creek Road, just before the east-bound stoplight). It was only about a block away and I figured that the EMTs wouldn't get better service anytime soon. She was okay except for a total adrenaline dump -- BP was 169/96; yesterday it had been 106/70 or something like that.

Gonna have aching muscles.

Eiseley, I am sorry to hear about your Grandma. Grandmas and Grandpas are hard to replace. They're the only people allowed to spoil children regardless of the child's age.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 08:19 PM

I am glad Eiseley likes it here; we of Earth like her company as well.

Rapaire that is most arduous and most heinous of that wicked Idahoan rapscallion. I mourn that you should have to put up with such irresponsible flibbertigibbets in your area. For fie, I say. I hope you are both unharmed and not strained in the upper cervicals.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 07:04 PM

97? Wow, that is quite an age to get to. I would not feel I'd missed out on much if I lasted that long on this Earth.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 07:02 PM

Likewise.

Hard to post anything right now; we were rear-ended and are both still recovering. Not much damage to car is apparent; the other driver left the scene.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 06:07 PM

My condolences.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Eiseley
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 06:04 PM

Hello MOM,
I'm just checking in to say hello to the sibs. I'm about as near to Blind River as I've ever been, LH. Just a bit southwest, I think. Hot and humid, but beautiful and green, green, green!

Sad news, though. My 97-year-old grandmother passed away on Wednesday evening. I'll miss her funeral as it will be on Tuesday the 24th, but I think she won't mind. I'll think about her on that day, and maybe the thoughts will reach her. The 24th would also have been my grandpa's 101st birthday, but he died two years ago at age 99. So, I think that means I'll be hanging around on earth for about 56 more years myself. That's good, I like it here.

Bye for now, keep MOM at the top,
Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 04:45 PM

I have 3 of those shirts. Doing what I can to put a chimp in the White House. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 04:39 PM

My name is really gettin' around now. Them new campaign shirts are sellin' like hotcakes.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 04:14 PM

Little Hawk goes shopping for back-to-school wear.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 02:37 PM

Dang, Rapaire, I coulda sworn one of those GI's looked like you...

Sorry.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 02:33 PM

In 1954 Rapaire was in the 4th Grade and all of 9 years old. A hellion, true, but they still didn't send him to Korea (then).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 01:48 PM

Thanks, LH, but I just remembered that silence is golden and have decided to do it the Zen way. What is the sound of an absent post?


So no volunteers will be needed.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 01:29 PM

I am truly shocked that anyone would even make such an assumption!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 01:17 PM

The Shat doesn't have you on call-block anymore?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Aug 10 - 12:31 PM

Amos, I will be glad to petition the judge in Sudbury to get Shane released early so that he can post for you while you are away.

Failing that, maybe Chongo would be willing to do it. For a fee, of course...

Failing that, well....this is a really outside chance, but I'll call up Mr Shatner and see what he says.

Keepa you fingers crossed! ;-)


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