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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 30 Nov 07 - 07:46 PM
Amos 30 Nov 07 - 07:11 PM
Little Hawk 30 Nov 07 - 06:28 PM
Amos 30 Nov 07 - 06:11 PM
Rapparee 30 Nov 07 - 06:05 PM
Amos 30 Nov 07 - 03:57 PM
Rapparee 30 Nov 07 - 03:35 PM
Rapparee 30 Nov 07 - 03:28 PM
Amos 30 Nov 07 - 02:45 PM
Little Hawk 30 Nov 07 - 02:23 PM
Amos 30 Nov 07 - 02:05 PM
beardedbruce 30 Nov 07 - 01:41 PM
Rapparee 30 Nov 07 - 12:19 PM
Amos 30 Nov 07 - 11:46 AM
Amos 30 Nov 07 - 11:21 AM
Rapparee 30 Nov 07 - 09:13 AM
Little Hawk 30 Nov 07 - 12:26 AM
Amos 29 Nov 07 - 11:44 PM
Janie 29 Nov 07 - 11:39 PM
Amos 29 Nov 07 - 11:38 PM
Rapparee 29 Nov 07 - 11:25 PM
Janie 29 Nov 07 - 11:01 PM
Janie 29 Nov 07 - 10:56 PM
Janie 29 Nov 07 - 10:55 PM
Acme 29 Nov 07 - 09:20 PM
Little Hawk 29 Nov 07 - 09:03 PM
Amos 29 Nov 07 - 08:59 PM
Rapparee 29 Nov 07 - 08:47 PM
Amos 29 Nov 07 - 07:22 PM
Rapparee 29 Nov 07 - 06:52 PM
Acme 29 Nov 07 - 05:53 PM
Amos 29 Nov 07 - 05:12 PM
Little Hawk 29 Nov 07 - 04:26 PM
Amos 29 Nov 07 - 03:42 PM
Rapparee 29 Nov 07 - 03:35 PM
Amos 29 Nov 07 - 03:09 PM
Amos 29 Nov 07 - 02:51 PM
Rapparee 29 Nov 07 - 02:47 PM
GUEST,beardedbruce 29 Nov 07 - 02:33 PM
Amos 29 Nov 07 - 11:51 AM
MMario 29 Nov 07 - 11:35 AM
Little Hawk 29 Nov 07 - 11:20 AM
Amos 29 Nov 07 - 11:17 AM
MMario 29 Nov 07 - 10:36 AM
Amos 29 Nov 07 - 10:22 AM
MMario 29 Nov 07 - 10:07 AM
Amos 29 Nov 07 - 09:56 AM
Rapparee 29 Nov 07 - 09:52 AM
Amos 29 Nov 07 - 02:44 AM
Janie 29 Nov 07 - 12:49 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 07:46 PM

Well, they make a slit around the forehead and peel the skin back and the face forward. Then a bone saw is used to open the top of the skull. When they're all done, they put the skull cap back on and pull the skin back up. It's then sewn up. This is usually done at the hairline or in some other place where, if the body is viewed, it won't be easily seen.

Aren't you glad you asked? What else would you like to know?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 07:11 PM

We don't do that out here, pal -- all our cattle are bred to be service compris.

You'll never see a tip jar in a California pasture where cows are being raised.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 06:28 PM

Is this another tragic victim of cowtipping?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 06:11 PM

I assume they must scalp it first, no?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 06:05 PM

A cow, Amos. And perhaps other animals later.

I pulled out my leather working stuff and found I only have one postmortem needle left. They are the finest leather working needles I've ever found since they have a triangular "cutting" point that penetrates the toughest leather.

So for the nonce I'll be sewing a dead cow. I also have some skin from a dead deer, come to think of it.

Besides, you can never tell when you might be called upon to do an autopsy. Do you know how they get to the skull so that the brain can be removed? Would you like to learn?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 03:57 PM

Are you going to be doing a post-mortem, then, Rapaire?

May one ask on whom?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 03:35 PM

Okay, I ordered 'em. A dozen double curves 3 3/4" and a dozen of the 3/8 circle needles, 4".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 03:28 PM

Why is my staff getting all bent out of shape because I have a fax coming on different types of post-mortem needles? I need to order some.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 02:45 PM

Well that would be fine, but usually when I think of a wrap-around I think of soft tropical cotton clinging to a pair of tanned thighs, and the cognitive dissonance of holding this thought in mind while thinking of Rapaire is too much to bear. I suppose I could replace it with an image of a huge pair of dark glasses, or perhaps the windy brouhaha of a universe hauled tight around a terrified ego, but although they would fit the definition, they don't jive with Rapaire's nature much. Well...maybe a little... hmmmmmmm...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 02:23 PM

Just think of him as "wrap-around", Amos. That's what I do now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 02:05 PM

GRan idea.

Rapaire, you have once again insisted on mis-spelling your name, or mispronouncing it, opne or the other. Or both.

If you want to pronounce it Raparre, go ahead. But spell it so people can reasonably understand how you want it pronounced. Otherwise, you will be condemned to rhyme with Blaire.

In the event you take this advice, you may use an alternative verse:

In my youth, said the Missus, I studied the law
And argued it loudly and free.
And the strength that it gave, to my brain and my jaw,
Make me louder than bold Raparee!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 01:41 PM

There was a house ( in Vermont, I believe) that was built to use third class mail and catalogs as fuel in the furnace. The owner got on every list he could, and had a barn to store ( over the summer) his free, delivered by the US Mail, source of heat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 12:19 PM

A. You have again mistakenly rhymed "stair" with "Rapaire." "Rapaire" rhymes with "take a pee" or "Mother Machree."

B. As a matter of fact, I got her to complete the LSAT application form and on the Saturday of the LSAT test she had nothing else to do so she took it. So yes, I drove her to the law. Several times, in fact, when we both had classes at the good ol' U. of Akron.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 11:46 AM

Janie,

I wish there was some way to turn this windfall of junk mail into some sort of financial benefit for you. If you started a mailinglist of all those companies, and then offered to sell them a secret list of pre-screenedvictims, ripe for the picking, fully qualified, would that be worth fifty bucks each? I would think so.

Oh, and if they order one, just send them an alphabetized list of the Democratic Congress.

A win win, isn't it? You could promote a list of the Republican administration to the APA, too -- they could pitch DSM IV to them or something.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 11:21 AM

Was it your influence, Rapaire, that drove Pat into the law?

In my youth, said the Missus, I studied the law
And argued each case on the stair.
And the strength that it gave, to my brain and my jaw,
Now allow me to shout down Rapaire!


Yes, I think that must be the explanation.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 09:13 AM

Hey, you badmouthin' my wife, the lawyer? Huh? Are you? You lookin' for trouble? Well, buddy, you come to the right place, 'cause she'll hit you with writ when you ain't lookin' and then kick you right in the torts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 12:26 AM

Isn't it wonderful how much those lawyers care about your welfare, Janie? ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 11:44 PM

Well I done stacked all the cordwood up in the shed like you said, Ma. Kin I have my ear back now?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 11:39 PM

6 more lawyers and 1 more chiropractor.

Just thought you should know.

Acutally, once the two of you are done with the wood, you might need a chiropractor. Let me know if I should pull the flyers out of the recycle bin.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 11:38 PM

Only because he had to run in and change it...no, don't ask, Mom...yeah, I had sompn to do with it...but...hey! Leggo my ear!! Awww, Ma!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 11:25 PM

No, Mom. Not now. It's better if...well, if you insist. Okay, okay, I'll do it. Yes, I promise. You know I will. No, I won't fool around with floozies or boozies! Amos has said that he'll stack the wood, all of it, yes. Yes, I have clean underwear.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 11:01 PM

This cowboy does cords that will keep MOM warm all winter.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 10:56 PM

Oops.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 10:55 PM

Here, if you cowboys want cords


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 09:20 PM

Mock your chores at your own risk, boys! If MOM gets chilly this winter 'cause you two were fooling around, you'll hear about it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 09:03 PM

Goodness, no! We can't have silliness here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 08:59 PM

Things in a museum don't make a sound, Rapaire, and even if they did you wouldn't get to hear it looking at a 2-dimensional color picture of things in a museum.

Even though this is a BS thread, there's no sense being silly about it!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 08:47 PM

Yeah, but mine sounded better.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 07:22 PM

I've done my cord!

And it was a lot harder, too.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 06:52 PM

I've done my cord!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 05:53 PM

While you two argue about who is from a point furthest west, my origins are not in dispute. I'm stuck in Texas for now, but I'm from the Puget Sound in the Pacific Northwest. There is no doubt it is west of Idaho and sticks out way further west than California.

Sheesh.

MOM wants both of you to go split some more firewood and stack it. Neatly this time, none of that chunking it any ol' which way. A cord at least, please. Each.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 05:12 PM

I think we should look way, way, way back and memorialize our roots, and our conquests, and our fuckups. Here is an example:

"From: khandu - PM
Date: 18 May 03 - 09:56 PM

As I have said, the MOTHER OF ALL BS THREADS(MOAB) is dying. She may hang on a few more days but she grows weaker with each passing day. She has been a delight and shall be forever honored.

And with the end of MOAB will come the end of the Glorious and Triumphant Reign of khandu, The King of All Mississippi. I have accomplished the tasks for which I came...to make Mississippi and the world a better place and to bring them to the Land of MOAB!

My throne shall not be filled by another...for indeed, who could fill it??? Instead, it shall become a Memorial to remind the future generations of the Glories One Man Can Do (khandu!)! It shall be a symbol of "HOPE" for the despondent, a symbol of "CAN-DO" for the nay-sayers, and more importantly, as symbol of BS for the pious.

Thank you all for the wonderfully massive amount of BS! We shall whiff it forever!

A Sad but Wiser khandu


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Subject: RE: BS: Happy Birthday Spaw!!!
From: Tweed - PM
Date: 18 May 03 - 10:09 PM

You are hopelessly nutz, khandoo. As long as thar is BS at Mudcat, MOAB will survive.

Three more weeks Spaw? Mebbe we should send a box ob leftover BlowUp Wimmen for you to cavort wif. I hear thar feetures are molded from that crack whore Penelope Rutabaga obv Twitly.

Come to Mississippi and we'll git you a cake or a sack obv deepfried Twinkies which ar all the rage these days. "


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 04:26 PM

Wow! Great links, Rapaire!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 03:42 PM

Ah, them Cossacks, a beauteous sight, and those Mongols were a terror. I withdraw my case, but I will resubmit it with appropriate chronological parameters and impeccable revisions, next week. Until then, thanks for your punctilious adherence to Truth and Justice, Mister Kent...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 03:35 PM

There's these guys. And some Mountain Men as well. And talk about hurrahing and shooting up towns! Don't forget the reason for the Tanabata festival in Japan, either. And as for riding....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 03:09 PM

Ah, Rapaire, the out-of-plumbness you assert is purely in the eyes of the beholder. Or the ears, or perhaps even some other part of the nervous system necessary to thought.

I suggest you get an eye exam, turn your hearing aid up and get it balanced, and shift to boxer shorts instead of those tighty-whiteys.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 02:51 PM

Context is everything, dear friend.

You will find upthread a pissing match couched in purely "American West" terms, involving the fulgent and intransigent Rapaire, whose obsession with barrels, powders, triggers, and various sorts of toxic emissions is well known. Why, his very bedsheets have .44 caliber holes burned in them. In this context, "West" means the American West, roughly defined as everything west of the sleepy little town of Idaho. Not purely geographic West.

You will also find, I think, that of all those tribes geographically more West than California, few participate in the icons and emotional values, the testosteronic nobility and grandeur, that characterizes the mythology of the American West, the context in wehich this dialogue properly belongs. How often have you heard of, or seen dramatic images of, a Malaysian, Singaporean, Polynesian, Japanese, Hindu, or Muslim, Slav, Magyar, or Roman, mounting a stallion, twirling a rope and firing a six-gun in the untrammeled joie de vivre that is the hallmark of the brave men of the American West? Not bloody often, I warrant.

I rest my case.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 02:47 PM

California south of San Jose is not considered part of The West. It is a Place Unto Itself, existing in another dimension, one completely separate from the space-time-gravitational reality nexus in which everyone else exists.

Hence, Amos is not "west" of anyone. Nor is he east, south or north of anyone. He exists in a place that is inadequately described as being "a couple of degrees off plumb."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,beardedbruce
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 02:33 PM

"So I am plainly and irrefutably more of a Westerner than is he. Quod Erat Demonstrarum, amigo."

Only, Amos, if you are willing to comcede that the vsat majority of the world, ie Asia, Australia, and most of Europe and Africa are further west than YOU are.

They are so far west they are east! But your logic says that they are wester than you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 11:51 AM

Well, you can't expect them to endanger the granola imports, can you? Just like Bush and oil. Some things are sacred. Or at least, very very profitable.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 11:35 AM

a fly on the wall you are not, LH.

Amos - No faire! Everyone knows the Lunatics will rule in your favour; after all they feel they have a lot in common with Californiaions.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 11:20 AM

It's wonderful to be as a fly on the wall here and watch these mighty minds and splendid egos tilt and strive gloriously against one another on the field of the intellectual fray...first one, then another, battling its way to the dizzying heights of triumph as its foe struggles desperately, caught in the vicelike grip of irrefutable logic...and then (!), of a sudden, the foe rebounds with a stunning riposte, toppling the former victor from his lofty throne...and lo, the combat resumes!!!

Whew! Positively takes my breath away.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 11:17 AM

Ah, I see your clever, maniacal, fraudulent, imaginary, delusory, disingenuous point, sir. Well put.

But any observer from a disinterested place, such as the Moon, will see plainly that measuring from the Zeroth meridian, one goes further West to reach California than one does to reach Eastern city, such as Idaho, isn't it? So I am plainly and irrefutably more of a Westerner than is he. Quod Erat Demonstrarum, amigo. I would like to thank the moon people for their help in winning this argument.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 10:36 AM

crossing the Zeroth not withstanding - one would still be traveling west to reach rapaire from you - and as said before, nearly 360 degrees west of you. But you are only a few degrees west of Rapaire - therefore he is more west.

it's like the election in the Emerald City of Oz.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 10:22 AM

If you did that, sirrah, you would cross the 0th parallel and end up as East as could be. Only if his thinking were completely backwards would he try to reach me by traveling East... not to rule anything out, of course ... It hazard your many time-warp trips have strained your orientation. Or you have left your head, inverted, somewhere dark in your travels. That might account for it...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 10:07 AM

That would be Rapaire - since you would have to go almost 360 degrees west from you to reach him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 09:56 AM

All hot air. A simple question will reveal the truth: which of us, honestly now, is more West, you or me?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 09:52 AM

Mah shootin' iron is bigger'n your'n, Californio.

An' ah kin shoot straighter, too, cuz I'm a straight-shootin' Legionaire who sticks to The Code Of The West like Gene Autry and Roy Rogers and Tom Mix and Hopalong Cassidy taught us to.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 02:44 AM

Well, he does ge extremely antimonious when he acts up, but it was Babbitt I meant, not babbit.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 12:49 AM

We interrupt this program for some real BS.

About 4 weeks ago I was the hittee in an extremely minor hit-and-run accident. I wouldn't have stood in the rain for 90 minutes waiting for the cops to come if I hadn't been so pissed off.    But i did, so a police report was filed. It is just one more scrape on my old, beat-up car, so I'm not even going to file an insurance claim.

However, it apparently has made it to the public record now. Over the past two days my mailbox has been inundated with 17 solicitations from law firms to file personal injury suits.

Only one offer from a chiropractor, though.


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