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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 20 Oct 07 - 07:35 PM
Amos 20 Oct 07 - 07:33 PM
Little Hawk 20 Oct 07 - 06:29 PM
Rapparee 20 Oct 07 - 05:45 PM
Little Hawk 20 Oct 07 - 05:43 PM
Acme 20 Oct 07 - 05:34 PM
Little Hawk 20 Oct 07 - 05:31 PM
Rapparee 20 Oct 07 - 05:25 PM
Little Hawk 20 Oct 07 - 01:23 PM
Rapparee 20 Oct 07 - 01:12 PM
Amos 20 Oct 07 - 12:35 PM
Rapparee 20 Oct 07 - 11:00 AM
Acme 20 Oct 07 - 10:55 AM
Rapparee 20 Oct 07 - 10:54 AM
Rapparee 20 Oct 07 - 08:01 AM
Amos 20 Oct 07 - 01:33 AM
Rapparee 19 Oct 07 - 10:50 PM
Acme 19 Oct 07 - 10:46 PM
Rapparee 19 Oct 07 - 05:40 PM
Amos 19 Oct 07 - 05:04 PM
Rapparee 19 Oct 07 - 04:46 PM
Acme 19 Oct 07 - 04:26 PM
Rapparee 19 Oct 07 - 02:28 PM
Amos 19 Oct 07 - 02:05 PM
Rapparee 19 Oct 07 - 12:43 PM
Amos 19 Oct 07 - 11:40 AM
Amos 19 Oct 07 - 11:39 AM
Amos 19 Oct 07 - 11:38 AM
Amos 19 Oct 07 - 11:37 AM
Amos 19 Oct 07 - 11:35 AM
Amos 19 Oct 07 - 10:00 AM
Rapparee 19 Oct 07 - 09:38 AM
Amos 19 Oct 07 - 09:31 AM
Rapparee 19 Oct 07 - 09:22 AM
Amos 19 Oct 07 - 09:11 AM
MMario 19 Oct 07 - 08:16 AM
Acme 18 Oct 07 - 11:35 PM
Acme 18 Oct 07 - 04:49 PM
beardedbruce 18 Oct 07 - 04:43 PM
Amos 18 Oct 07 - 03:45 PM
MMario 18 Oct 07 - 02:53 PM
Rapparee 18 Oct 07 - 02:46 PM
MMario 18 Oct 07 - 02:01 PM
Donuel 18 Oct 07 - 01:58 PM
MMario 18 Oct 07 - 01:49 PM
beardedbruce 18 Oct 07 - 01:23 PM
Rapparee 18 Oct 07 - 01:22 PM
MMario 18 Oct 07 - 01:15 PM
MMario 18 Oct 07 - 01:10 PM
MMario 18 Oct 07 - 01:09 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Oct 07 - 07:35 PM

I found that out earlier Amos, but I didn't want to disturb Mom right now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Oct 07 - 07:33 PM

Don't tell Mom this. I know she's open minded, but she reveres the old wizard, you know...it might shake her up:

"Harry Potter author JK Rowling has revealed that one of her characters, Hogwarts school headmaster Albus Dumbledore, is gay.

She made her revelation to a packed house in New York's Carnegie Hall on Friday, as part of her US book tour.

She took audience questions and was asked if Dumbledore found "true love".

"Dumbledore is gay," she said, adding he was smitten with rival Gellert Grindelwald, who he beat in a battle between good and bad wizards long ago.

The audience gasped, then applauded. "I would have told you earlier if I knew it would make you so happy," she said.

"Falling in love can blind us to an extent," she added, saying Dumbledore was "horribly, terribly let down" and his love for Grindelwald was his "great tragedy".

"Oh, my god," Rowling, 42, concluded with a laugh, "the fan fiction".

Rowling said her books are a "prolonged argument for tolerance"

Fan sites have long speculated on Dumbledore's sexuality as he was known for having a mysterious, troubled past.

Rowling told the audience that while working on the planned sixth Potter film, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, she saw the script carried a reference to a girl who was once of interest to Dumbledore.

She said she ensured director David Yates was made aware of the truth about her character."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Oct 07 - 06:29 PM

LOL!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Oct 07 - 05:45 PM

Spaw would attach it with a harness. Shane would use a nailgun.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Oct 07 - 05:43 PM

Look, I didn't order it, okay? It was an unsolicited offer. Don't blame me. Only Spaw would even consider attaching something on himself that was this far out of proportion.

Well...Shane might too, I guess.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Oct 07 - 05:34 PM

Well that's just fine. When did you decide to start dating a gray whale?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Oct 07 - 05:31 PM

From what I gather from their email, it is so large that picking it up at all would be quite difficult. I think one might need a wheelbarrow just in order to get around.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Oct 07 - 05:25 PM

Wait until you find out that you have to go to Nigeria to pick it up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Oct 07 - 01:23 PM

Funny. I got that same email, Rapaire, and I don't remember ordering one either. I wonder what kind of warranty they offer?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Oct 07 - 01:12 PM

I wish the insurance company would call....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Oct 07 - 12:35 PM

You could tell them to send it to Stilly, who could flay it very fine and put it over her house. It would attract heat in winter, and expand when the weather got hot, providing insulation. Think about it! (Or maybe you would rather not.) It might take several of them, now that I think about it. Isn't this a nobler use to which to put this unexpected boon? Besides, the attachment costs will be much lower for her. The deductible on your health plan alone would pay for thousands of roofing tacks.

And I am sure you could always get another such offer, if you are very, very patient.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Oct 07 - 11:00 AM

I just got a couple emails that my new penis is waiting for me.

I didn't even now I'd ordered a new one and here it is, waiting to be picked up.

I wonder if they'll offer me an extended warranty.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Oct 07 - 10:55 AM

Hey Rap, think if we both call the same company at the same time we can get a deal on both jobs because of our (virtual) proximity? I need a new roof also.

Actually, the roofer I spoke to a week ago (before the insurance company denied the claim--heat, not hail, nailed my roof) stopped by yesterday with a sample--the same sample--that he showed me last week. I asked him about roofs tough enough to get me a discount with my insurance company, and this ain't it. He said "it depends on how long you'll be in the house," meaning if I put on a cheap roof now it's someone else's problem later if I'm planning to move soon. But I'm not planning to move, and I think spending $2000 more now, if it will save me 25% a year on insurance (that is a savings of over $500 a year) is a really good move. So I'm also going to get a second quote, from a roofer who has a little more initiative to offer alternatives. (The neighbors put on a new roof last year, different roofer, and I'll ask them about their resesarch. That guy is meticulous and probably got several quotes.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Oct 07 - 10:54 AM

So, I wake up to a drip, drip, drip. It's water coming through the ceiling and hitting the carpet.

'Sokay, I tell myself, it's on Pat's side of the room. Then I realize the damage that might ensue if I don't do something about it, and I don't mean damage to the house.

Eventually, I get through to the insurance office. The lady takes all the information ("Was anyone injured?" "Not if I do something about it," I think to myself).

Then, her work finished, she says, "Thank you for calling. Have a wonderful weekend."

Well, it hasn't started on a high note....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Oct 07 - 08:01 AM

Drip...drip...drip. From the bedroom ceiling.

I call the roofers in a couple hours.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Oct 07 - 01:33 AM

And remember: if at first you don't succeed, you're in the wrong sport.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Oct 07 - 10:50 PM

Pull it too soon and smell the burning nylon; pull it too late and smell the burning flesh (if you're not already).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Oct 07 - 10:46 PM

They'd get so used to falling that remembering to pull that cord in time might be a good trick.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Oct 07 - 05:40 PM

Gonna give new meaning to "Burn Baby Burn" and "Heat Of Re-entry". But considering that it will ultimately help the gene pool...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Oct 07 - 05:04 PM

If you thought bungee-jumping was enough to scare the pants off you, consider this:

"Thrill seekers could soon be lining up to make a jump of a lifetime - from the edge of space. The current high-altitude record for skydiving was set in 1960 by Joe Kittinger, whose jump from 31 kilometres above Earth remains unchallenged today. But now a team in California are hoping to break Kittinger's record by diving from as high as 100 kilometres. If everything goes as planned, paying passengers who wish to make the daring dive from space could do so as early as 2009..."

...I dunno....terminal velocity and the co-efficient of friction are much nastier than they are cracked up to be...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Oct 07 - 04:46 PM

Sit yerself right on down....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Oct 07 - 04:26 PM

Hey MOM, I ordered my new glasses, pick 'em up tomorrow. I'm going for the lightweight titanium ones again, and smaller lenses. Now that I've been walking dogs for a couple of years I've concluded that the lighter the glasses the more likely they'll stay in place as we range high and low all around the neighborhood. Also when I'm doing some of my other stuff, like digging a new flower bed this weekend for all of my iris bulbs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Oct 07 - 02:28 PM

I dunno, I just copied it from the work cited.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Oct 07 - 02:05 PM

She must have been a good friend of Samuel Johnson's, inspired by his "A Short Song of Congratulation".

"LONG-EXPECTED one and twenty
Ling'ring year at last has flown,
Pomp and pleasure, pride and plenty
Great Sir John, are all your own."

Either that or she was a gawdam plagiarist. But that is not a chivalrous thought, so I will not entertain it.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Oct 07 - 12:43 PM

Long-expected twenty-twenty        
Ling'ring posts, at length have flown:        
Pride and pleasure, pomp and plenty,        
Great Amos, you are now on your own.        

Loosen'd from the minor's tether,                 
Free to mortgage or to sell,        
Wild as wind, and light as feather,        
Bid the sons of thrift farewell.        

Call the Maggies, Kates, and Jennies,        
All the names that banish care;        
Lavish of your mothers's guineas,        
Show the spirit of an heir.        

All that prey on vice and folly        
Joy to see their quarry fly:        
There the gamester, light and jolly,        
There the lender, grave and sly.        

Wealth, my lad, was made to wander,        
Let it wander as it will;        
Pull up your Jockeys, call the pander,        
Bid them come and take their fill.        

When the bonny blade carouses,        
Pockets full, and spirits high—        
What is Mother? What is MOAB?        
Less than dirt, or wet or dry.        

Should the guardian friend or Mother        
Tell the woes of numerate waste,        
Scorn their counsel, scorn their pother;—        
You can hang or drown at last!

          -- Elastia Maria Swarthinghurst, Poems For All Ages
             (Yonkers, New Caledonia: Plagiarist Press, s.d.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Oct 07 - 11:40 AM

'T is bought with endless giggles
And causeth endless rue.

But I jes' looked at him and said,
"Twenty-twenty-two!"



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Oct 07 - 11:39 AM

At twenty-two and twenty one
I heard him say again
The heart out of the true BS
Is ne'er given in vain...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Oct 07 - 11:38 AM

OF twenty thousand, two and twenty.



At twenty-two and twenty,
I heard a wise man say,
Give rubies, pearls and emeralds,
But not BS away....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Oct 07 - 11:37 AM

Driven by knowing, before long
We'll reach the precious entry...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Oct 07 - 11:35 AM

We shift our packs,
And carry on,
Walking the land of plenty...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Oct 07 - 10:00 AM

I bet Spaw could get them a nice contract re-locating the outhouses over at the Neil Young Center for the Terminally Screwed.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Oct 07 - 09:38 AM

The Legion is proud of its civic participation, Amos. Both of them. The other one had something to do with the county jail; I don't know the details.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Oct 07 - 09:31 AM

When you're in that kinda shape ya gotta grab connection where you find it, huh?

I've dug a few outhouses for folks over the centuries but I would never come up to one of those people 100 years later and claim kinship on that basis...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Oct 07 - 09:22 AM

Yes, he was a member of the Legion. Back then discipline was much more lax (laxer?) than it is now, and for his thievery he was simply stood up against a wall and shot. Today things would be much worse. "The Legion Does Not Tolerate Stealing From Its Own" and the Legion dug the hole for the original Library Outhouse.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Oct 07 - 09:11 AM

IF so, he probably didn't bring it up in the application or interview process. Much as Mike loves cataloguing the misadventures of the hoary rascals of the Legion, I don't think he would go so far as to propose hiring one of them.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 19 Oct 07 - 08:16 AM

minutes of the Library Board for 1911 also report that "(the janitor) was found in a drunken state Aug. 24, he had broken open the money drawer and taken $30. Three nights later he broke out the front of the drawer... He was arrested...."

A member of the Legion?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Oct 07 - 11:35 PM

MOM, it looks like you slipped! Let me help you up and into a chair. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Oct 07 - 04:49 PM

Nice photo, Rap!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 18 Oct 07 - 04:43 PM

MMario,

It ( 20202 ) was a nice number, but I'll try not to get hung up on it...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Oct 07 - 03:45 PM

Hey, man, wet work never came cheap, ya know? Ya take da risk, ya oin the rewahd, ya know woddImean?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Oct 07 - 02:53 PM

what a shmae. It's so hard to get good counseling services for goldfish. And when you do, they usually charge a "wet fee"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Oct 07 - 02:46 PM

Grandkids, hell. She's permanently warped my GOLDFISH!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Oct 07 - 02:01 PM

nuthin' secret about MOM.

Fact is, these days, if we don't keep a close eye on her, she just lets everything hang out.

Enough to permanently warp the grandkids.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 18 Oct 07 - 01:58 PM

This entire thread is just the Bull Shit meeting place for self selected self described elitists and their secret organization for the advancement of Bull Shit.

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/poll_bullshit_is_most_important
thanks


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Oct 07 - 01:49 PM

yes it was, reminded me of a shower curtain.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 18 Oct 07 - 01:23 PM

this is a good number...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Oct 07 - 01:22 PM

Well, if I had to log in I might try 3898 as a login and 2082321263 as a password. But that would be a "might try" and it might not work. But if it DID work I'd also look at last Sunday's front page and Insight sections.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Oct 07 - 01:15 PM

I never could count.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Oct 07 - 01:10 PM

two


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Oct 07 - 01:09 PM

10 base 3


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