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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 09 Aug 07 - 09:42 AM
Rapparee 09 Aug 07 - 09:09 AM
JennyO 09 Aug 07 - 08:58 AM
Little Hawk 09 Aug 07 - 07:13 AM
JennyO 09 Aug 07 - 06:03 AM
Amos 09 Aug 07 - 02:00 AM
Little Hawk 09 Aug 07 - 01:25 AM
Acme 09 Aug 07 - 01:18 AM
Amos 09 Aug 07 - 12:32 AM
JennyO 08 Aug 07 - 11:48 PM
JennyO 08 Aug 07 - 11:45 PM
Amos 08 Aug 07 - 06:15 PM
Little Hawk 08 Aug 07 - 06:15 PM
Rapparee 08 Aug 07 - 06:11 PM
Little Hawk 08 Aug 07 - 04:34 PM
Acme 08 Aug 07 - 04:32 PM
Little Hawk 08 Aug 07 - 04:20 PM
Little Hawk 08 Aug 07 - 04:20 PM
MMario 08 Aug 07 - 04:09 PM
MMario 08 Aug 07 - 04:06 PM
Little Hawk 08 Aug 07 - 04:04 PM
Rapparee 08 Aug 07 - 04:00 PM
Amos 08 Aug 07 - 03:50 PM
Amos 08 Aug 07 - 03:41 PM
Amos 08 Aug 07 - 03:37 PM
Rapparee 08 Aug 07 - 03:23 PM
MMario 08 Aug 07 - 03:20 PM
Amos 08 Aug 07 - 03:13 PM
Rapparee 08 Aug 07 - 03:05 PM
Amos 08 Aug 07 - 03:02 PM
JennyO 08 Aug 07 - 01:06 PM
Little Hawk 08 Aug 07 - 12:55 PM
Amos 08 Aug 07 - 12:55 PM
JennyO 08 Aug 07 - 12:48 PM
Little Hawk 08 Aug 07 - 12:40 PM
MMario 08 Aug 07 - 12:35 PM
JennyO 08 Aug 07 - 12:28 PM
MMario 08 Aug 07 - 12:02 PM
Acme 08 Aug 07 - 12:02 PM
JennyO 08 Aug 07 - 11:56 AM
Acme 08 Aug 07 - 11:55 AM
Rapparee 08 Aug 07 - 11:43 AM
MMario 08 Aug 07 - 11:40 AM
Rapparee 08 Aug 07 - 11:34 AM
MMario 08 Aug 07 - 11:27 AM
Amos 08 Aug 07 - 11:22 AM
Rapparee 08 Aug 07 - 11:21 AM
JennyO 08 Aug 07 - 11:14 AM
Acme 08 Aug 07 - 11:11 AM
Amos 08 Aug 07 - 11:06 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 07 - 09:42 AM

Well, see, Little Hawk asked them to go to the Field of Honor in his stead, as he was not up to the quarrel he began, and thought he could duck it by dispatching, um, overhelming force. But them guys never stop and ask for directions, and none of them seemed to have any familiarity with such a place. So they're probably out in the boonies looking for it.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Aug 07 - 09:09 AM

Wait until Mom wakes up and she'll smack him back into sense. Especially if he continues to play the timpani while she has that "headache."

Oddly enough, I've heard nothing from the Legion for the past few days.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 09 Aug 07 - 08:58 AM

Oh dear. This is serious. Keep trying.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Aug 07 - 07:13 AM

Gyhe?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 09 Aug 07 - 06:03 AM

I think Hawk's pulled himself together wrong. Try again man.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 07 - 02:00 AM

Add one to he meds tonight, Still.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Aug 07 - 01:25 AM

Mdiahd, id shdi bncuheh thworp. Cko snet le?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Aug 07 - 01:18 AM

Anyone want to bet that Rap will try to top this adventure? It would be just like him. I won't believe it, but he'll try anyway. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 07 - 12:32 AM

Virtual Mom-napping will do that to ya. Glad you-all are back okay.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 11:48 PM

Johnny cakes! That's what they are! But they are a bush thing, like damper. People don't normally cook them in their kitchen here.

FOUR LITTLE JOHNNY CAKES

Hurrah for the Lachlan, boys, and join me in a cheer
That's the place to go to make an easy cheque each year
With a toad-skin in my pocket I borrowed from a friend
Oh, isn't it nice and cosy to be camping in the bend?

cho: With my little round flour-bag sitting on a stump
My little tea-and-sugar bag looking nice and plump
A little fat cod-fish just off the hook
And four little johnny-cakes, a credit to the cook

I've a loaf or two of bread and some "murphies" that I shook
Perhaps a loaf of brownie that I snaffled from a cook
A nice leg of mutton ... just a bit cut off the end
Oh, isn't it nice and jolly to be whaling in the bend?

I have a little book and some papers for to read
Plenty of matches and a good supply of weed
I wouldn't be a squatter as beside my fire I sit
With a paper in my hand and my old clay lit

When shearing-time comes, I'm in all my glory then
I saddle up my moke and I soon secure a pen
I canter through the valley and gallop o'er the plain
I shoot a turkey, stick a pig, and off to camp again

Last Chorus
With my little round flour-bag sitting on a stump
My little tea-and-sugar bag looking nice and plump
A little fat cod-fish just off the hook
And four little johnny-cakes, I'm proud to be the cook!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 11:45 PM

There is a sudden commotion at the door, and JennyO rides in on a rather wild and shaggy-looking horse, with MOM tucked on her lap. Come to think of it, they are ALL looking rather wild and shaggy.

I have returned. It was hell in there! Have you any idea how cold it gets at night in Alice Springs? But all is well. I think MOM needs to lie down again after all this.

What's all this mess? Biscuit crumbs, spilt tea and pieces of LH still lying around? Pull yourself together man!

Wait - biscuit crumbs - I hope there are some of those biscuits left for me. I could do with some refreshment after that long ride. Ah, just as I thought - they do look like scones, or damper. They've gone cold though. A gentle heating and some butter will do me fine. And another good strong cup of tea! Think I'll sit down now. Ooh, me bum's sore!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 06:15 PM

Because the French were brilliant enough to know that you would be saying it, and made it applicable to one who stands upside down? I dunno. The whys behind language are very deep whys indeed, such deep whys as to baffle all but the most wise, and provide in no wise any real whys to the unwise, or even the undeep.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 06:15 PM

Why is what?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 06:11 PM

And I also, or, in French, "moi aussie."

On a related note, why is it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 04:34 PM

I am already cooled off. I have already had the grace to compliment Amos on his brilliantly funny list.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 04:32 PM

It's too hot out for all of this bickering and my virtual butt is sore from all of that time on the horse. Why don't you guys go down to the bottom of my back yard and swim in the creek? And bring back some good sea urchin fossils when you're cooled off. (Am I the only MOABite who has such a large water feature? I scoff at these little recirculating fountains--I just hack and slash through the brush every so often so we can see the creek from the back gate, which is not the back of the property but is above the flood zone.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 04:20 PM

Oh, and don't knock on the wasps' nest to see if they're home.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 04:20 PM

Don't pee into the wind.

Don't stick your finger in the chipmunk's hole.

NEVER admit to adultery, even if caught in the act. Make up an excuse. Any excuse. Remember Bill Clinton when you do this, speak with absolute sincerity, and say, "I am not here, and this is not what it appears to be at all."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 04:09 PM

For Schoolchildren add:

NEVER trust someone who says "Trust Me!"

Never Say Never.

Absolutes are rarely absolutely the truth.

Don't Eat yellow snow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 04:06 PM

John Wayne rode a bat? I don't recall that. I remember him riding a horse, and a mule, and even a wagon, but a bat?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 04:04 PM

Har! Har! WONDERFUL list, Amos!!! It should be required reading for all schoolchildren in order to prepare them for what lies ahead in life.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 04:00 PM

Amos, you know I love you like a brother, but you're wrong right off the bat:

On the other hand, you have the same fingers, only backwards.

Please don't cry. Being wrong is NOT the end of the world. I know; I was nearly wrong once. Buck up, take it like a man would -- pretend you're John Wayne and the bad guys have mortally wounded you and the stagecoach full of women and children and the money for the orphanage can only get away if you hold off the bad guys for just a bit longer, so put a bullet (no, the OTHER END!) between your teeth and bite down to dull the pain and be the hero Mom knows you are, even though you'll be dead.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 03:50 PM

And in case you are doing market research for yourself or for Rapaire, here is a technical white paper on the efficacy of various kinds of tin-foil hats.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 03:41 PM

Here, Little Hawk, are some much healthier thoughts to help you in your recovery:

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

42.76 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?

Nothing is foolproof to a fool who has real talent.

Remember half the people you know are below average.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

When everything's coming your way, you're going the wrong way on a one-way street

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

No one pays attention until you make a mistake.

Success occurs in private and failure in full view.

The harder the butter the softer the bread.

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

The sooner you fall behind the more time you have to catch up.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Change is inevitable except from vending machines.

Plan to be spontaneous!

Always be modest and proud that you are!

If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

How many in this room believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.




Ponder them well. There will be a quiz.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 03:37 PM

No, sir, you may not. You are merely contributing to M. Hack's illness, an unkind gesture. How can you expect him to heal if you keep throwing these fantasies about?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 03:23 PM

Spoken like a completely deluded city-slicker, if I may be so harsh. Anyone who has worked actual haystacks knows that needles appear in them next to never.

Spoken like a completely slickered self-deluder, if I may be so gentle. Anyone who has REALLY worked with REAL haystacks knows that such things often appear, as do shotguns when her father catches you and her searching for them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 03:20 PM

if you've worked in a haystack though you know it can feel like they are FULL of needles!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 03:13 PM

a needle in a haystack. They're really quite common

Spoken like a completely deluded city-slicker, if I may be so harsh. Anyone who has worked actual haystacks knows that needles appear in them next to never.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 03:05 PM

It's even harder to find some hay in a needlestack. You keep getting stuck and the blood loss really weakens you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 03:02 PM

Here are some buttered hot biscuits for ya.

Be quick.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 01:06 PM

Sounds like sorta savoury scones to me, Amos. They'd be nice. I don't think we have them.

Okay, better get MOM and bring her back. I'm going outside and I may be some time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 12:55 PM

You know, it's not that it's hard to find a needle in a haystack. They're really quite common. What is hard is to find a specific needle in a haystack. That's very hard.

You have to wonder also...what would be the gain in doing so?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 12:55 PM

Well, Jenny, bring her back home. All this flitting about is making me dizzy!!


As to biscuits, American style, they are just baked in the oven, a mix of water and flour or milk and flour and some baking powder, white fluffy inside and tan crispy outside, perfect for butter and honey, or PB, when hot.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 12:48 PM

These sound really unfamiliar. Maybe we don't have things like that at all here.

Oops! I just remembered - I left MOM sleeping on a haystack somewhere out near Alice Springs. It's a good thing she was in the shade! She should be waking up soon, so I'd better take some paracetamol and some of that iced tea with me, cos when she does wake up she's probably going to have The Mother of all Hangovers!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 12:40 PM

I've heard that peanut butter is good for baiting mousetraps. Haven't tried it yet, though. I've been using small bits of bacon instead, and they work very well.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 12:35 PM

nope. crackers is crackers - and the herring and onions would go well on a nice savoury cracker - but a biscuit....hmmmmmmmmmmm

anyone else want to try to explain? some biscuits are like irish soda bread only individual portion size; some are more like what bread would be if it were made like puff pastry...

so hard to explain....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 12:28 PM

I'm trying to imagine something between a crumpet and a scone, and nothing comes to mind at all. I think the savoury ones you want for your anchovies and herrings etc would be crackers, MMario.

Here's some tea you can cool down if you want it that way, SRS. I would too if it was summer - it's a great refreshing drink. I'm having mine hot cos It's a cold night here. Congratulations on your weight loss too! I need to do that, but it's hard to get started.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 12:02 PM

I thought that. I'm not sure what our "biscuits" would be in Oz, England or elsewhere...

hmmmmmm....somewhere betwwen a crumpet and a scone, sorta, but not really - and not sweet.

And those would be the "baking powder" bicuits - then there are the layered or buttermilk biscuits which are really a sorta special roll...only not...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 12:02 PM

Cool that tea some more! Here's a tall glass of ice. I'll skip the baked goods, whatever they are, I'm trying to lose that last 10 pounds (already lost 20).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 11:56 AM

The biscuits are cookies - sweet. That was why I had doubts about Amos putting peanut butter on them. But anchovies and onion, or pickled herring? Definitely not! I think you'd like these ones plain, MMario.

I was forgetting you folks call them cookies over there. We Oz folks are more likely to call them biscuits - or bikkies. On the odd occasion we might call some of the round ones cookies.

Meanwhile, they are cooling down and so is the tea. Come and get it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 11:55 AM

I think Rapaire has been a little to close to some of the forest fires up north burning out of control (and right across someone's patch of maryjane). Or maybe he's trying in his own unique way to tell us that he has developed a bunionBunyan.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 11:43 AM

He is, except for the groupies. HE has lots of them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 11:40 AM

aw shucks, I wuz thinkin' Peace would be somethin' special to meet - but now you go and tell us he's pretty much a standard mudcat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 11:34 AM

By the way -- we did meet up with Peace. He's a swell guy. Easily two and a half meters tall when we met him*, he was writing a new song with his left hand, chording it out on the guitar with his right, and picking his teeth with a full-grown Lodgepole Pine. His favorite tipple is tea, gasoline, and gunpowder and he owns a pair of blue oxen. He also is on the local volunteer fire department and uses Gulliver's method of extinguishing fires no matter their size or extent. Every day he eats a herd of forty cows (cooked, of course) for breakfast, accompanied by three hundred and sixty-two scrambled eggs, ninety-seven gallons of industrial-strength tea, and a boxcarload of potatoes. For lunch and dinner he needs more food. He shaves by driving his whiskers in with a hammer and cutting them off inside with a double-bitted axe (saves time, he says, because all he has to do is insert it, twirl it, and spit it all out). Of course, this ruins the axehead but Parks Canada Parcs supplies him all he needs as a reward for pushing up and installing the bracing under Mt. Robson when it started to sag a few years back.

Great guy.










*He's still a growing boy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 11:27 AM

hmmmm-- that depends on whether biscuits is cookies or biscuits is biscuits-US style.

If they are biscuit/biscuitss then anchovies and onion - or maybe a bit pickled herring?

But if they is biscuits as in cookies then probably plain.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 11:22 AM

"If" I must??? We're talking about PEANUT BUTTER!! There's no IF to it! Of course, I must!! And Mario tole me his own self he prefers anchovies, so I get all the peanut butter.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 11:21 AM

T. Mold was the ancestor of T. Rex, you know. Best to eliminate it now before it remembers wheat it once was and stomps out Dallas or Big Neck or someplace.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 11:14 AM

All right Amos, if you must. But not too many - you don't want to spoil your dinner you know.

And leave some for MMario.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 11:11 AM

Hey, lookat me! A passing peddler was leading his pet ostrich and I hopped a ride back to the house. Quite a soft ride!

While folks are milling around I'm going to make some more sun tea. I think the batch in Mom's fridge now has mold floating in it. Not a good sign. You all just have a seat on the porch, or go play horseshoes down in the bottom of the yard, it's shady enough down there. (And take the shoes off of the horses before you throw them, please!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 11:06 AM

Kin I have peanut butter on mine?

A


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