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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

JennyO 03 Apr 07 - 10:22 AM
Amos 03 Apr 07 - 09:55 AM
JennyO 03 Apr 07 - 09:47 AM
JennyO 03 Apr 07 - 09:47 AM
JennyO 03 Apr 07 - 09:46 AM
Rapparee 03 Apr 07 - 09:36 AM
JennyO 03 Apr 07 - 09:32 AM
Rapparee 03 Apr 07 - 09:00 AM
JennyO 03 Apr 07 - 08:29 AM
Little Hawk 03 Apr 07 - 12:53 AM
Amos 02 Apr 07 - 11:07 PM
Little Hawk 02 Apr 07 - 10:38 PM
MMario 02 Apr 07 - 06:58 PM
Amos 02 Apr 07 - 06:34 PM
Rapparee 02 Apr 07 - 05:14 PM
Little Hawk 02 Apr 07 - 04:51 PM
Amos 02 Apr 07 - 04:48 PM
Little Hawk 02 Apr 07 - 04:40 PM
Rapparee 02 Apr 07 - 04:37 PM
Amos 02 Apr 07 - 04:34 PM
MMario 02 Apr 07 - 03:57 PM
Amos 02 Apr 07 - 03:53 PM
MMario 02 Apr 07 - 02:13 PM
Amos 02 Apr 07 - 01:34 PM
Amos 02 Apr 07 - 12:03 PM
Rapparee 02 Apr 07 - 12:00 PM
Amos 02 Apr 07 - 10:53 AM
Acme 02 Apr 07 - 10:50 AM
Amos 02 Apr 07 - 09:51 AM
Amos 02 Apr 07 - 09:38 AM
Rapparee 02 Apr 07 - 09:25 AM
Acme 02 Apr 07 - 02:13 AM
Rapparee 01 Apr 07 - 09:45 PM
Acme 01 Apr 07 - 03:41 PM
Amos 01 Apr 07 - 02:15 PM
Rapparee 01 Apr 07 - 10:46 AM
Rapparee 01 Apr 07 - 10:42 AM
Amos 01 Apr 07 - 10:39 AM
Rapparee 01 Apr 07 - 09:23 AM
JennyO 01 Apr 07 - 06:52 AM
Amos 01 Apr 07 - 12:21 AM
Rapparee 31 Mar 07 - 11:59 PM
Rapparee 31 Mar 07 - 10:53 PM
Acme 31 Mar 07 - 10:31 PM
Rapparee 31 Mar 07 - 10:17 PM
Amos 31 Mar 07 - 08:40 PM
Rapparee 31 Mar 07 - 08:32 PM
Amos 31 Mar 07 - 04:55 PM
Rapparee 31 Mar 07 - 04:19 PM
Amos 31 Mar 07 - 02:11 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 03 Apr 07 - 10:22 AM

An interesting look! Not sure how it would go down in the library, though.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Apr 07 - 09:55 AM

I think this explains why Rapaire turned out so much more like Liberace than Gorgeous George.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 03 Apr 07 - 09:47 AM

***** 16891 *****

My pinwheel number's time has come,
Here's sixteen eight and ninety one.
Well balanced, viewed from up or down,
A little jewel for Mother's crown.

I turn it round, it slowly spins,
A germ of an idea begins.
Harness its power, that's my plan,
To use it as a personal fan.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 03 Apr 07 - 09:47 AM

Meanwhile.......


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 03 Apr 07 - 09:46 AM

Hahahaha - I have this bizarre image of Gorgeous George fighting Liberace - feathers at 20 paces!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Apr 07 - 09:36 AM

Come to think of it, my brothers and I kept asking Grandma when Gorgeous George was going to fight Liberace. We weren't very clear on television personalities and I think we may have thought that Gorgeous George was Liberace's violin-playing brother, George. It would have made sense to use, because we were always fighting with each other.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 03 Apr 07 - 09:32 AM

I vaguely remember Gorgeous George - must have caught him towards the end of his career. They used to have wrestling matches on Saturday afternoon TV when I was a kid. I only ever watched a bit of them a few times. It looked really stupid. Even to a kid like myself, it was obvious that it was all show and posturing and bore very little resemblance to reality.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Apr 07 - 09:00 AM

Nope, I never yearned to be a pro wrestler. My grandmother would watch Gorgeous George on television, but she was also into Liberace.

I suspect that it's because I know too well how to kill people and realize how fake pro wrestling is. A case could be made for it as theatre, I suppose, since it does provide a catharsis and arouses "pity and fear" in the observer. I doubt that either Aristotle or Shakespeare would have approved, except as a form of low comedy, the sort where buffoons would smack each other with air-filled pig's bladders.

Moliere would probably have said something about "A chacun...."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 03 Apr 07 - 08:29 AM

I had a post about Andy Kaufman ready to send about 8 hours ago, then I discovered work was being done on phone lines in the area and I had no phone line, and therefore, no internet. Then I had to go out. GRRR! Meanwhile, Little Hawk has said some of what I was going to say, but I'll post all of it anyway.


What a strange man! He seemed to live his whole life in fantasy. I wonder how much of a grip he had on reality. I would hate to have been inside his head. I know a lot of it was an act, but how could you live like that and keep your sanity? He came across to me as mentally unbalanced.

However, according to Wikipedia, the whole wrestling feud was staged.

Kaufman and Lawler's famous feud and wrestling matches were later revealed to have been staged, or a "work", as the two were actually friends. The truth about it being a work was kept secret for more than 10 years after Kaufman's death, until the Emmy nominated documentary A Comedy Salute to Andy Kaufman aired on NBC in 1995.

So much of what he did was not as it seemed that when he died of cancer in 1984, many believed it was another joke. Apparently there are many who believe even now that he faked his own death and is still alive.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Apr 07 - 12:53 AM

No, it certainly is not what brains are for, Amos, but Andy was simply playing the "heel" (the bad guy). That's normal in wrestling. Such betrayals are standard fare. It's all choreographed ahead of time. He and Jerry Lawler were personal friends (though they kept that a secret very effectively at the time) and they set up the entire series of incidents from beginning to end. It was a superb "work" as such dramas are termed in the world of wrestling.

As the "heel" it was Andy's job to be as despicable, arrogant, mean, and obnoxious as he conceivably could be. His job was to make the fans absolutely hate his guts, and boy, did he ever succeed! That makes for big ticket sales. They'll fill the hall for the chance to see the heel get his just desserts.

It was not revealed until 10 years after Kaufman's death that he and Jerry Lawler had been good friends and had set up the entire thing from beginning to end. It was one of the most brilliant and successful wrestling promotions of all time, and it pretty much ended Andy Kaufman's career. He was done in by his own delight in confounding people, because they couldn't distinguish where the role ended and the real Andy Kaufman began. Even most people who knew him well couldn't figure it out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Apr 07 - 11:07 PM

The betrayal at the end, is what I found gruesome. This is not what brains are for.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Apr 07 - 10:38 PM

What's gruesome about it? Pro wrestling is a total fantasy. It's all staged. The hilarious thing about that movie is that it shows how deeply people will buy into that fantasy (or at least pretend to if they professionally involved). It clearly provides an emotional catharsis for the wrestling audiences, satisfying some deeper need they have. I find that intriguing. Almost every little boy goes through a stage when he's fascinated by the characters in pro wrestling. Then most of us grow up and move on. Maybe wrestling is there for the ones who aren't ready to grow up in that respect. Andy Kaufman was a person who seemed possessed with a desire to continue living out his strongest childhood enthusiasms and fantasies in the most dramatic way possible...and yet he was fully aware of what he was doing while he did it! That's quite unusual, and it's interesting. Damn funny too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 02 Apr 07 - 06:58 PM

10 posts to a spinner!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Apr 07 - 06:34 PM

That is a gruesome movie LH -- me thinks thou hast unveiled thy seamiest of many sides.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 07 - 05:14 PM

When I rethought my premises I moved to Idaho.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Apr 07 - 04:51 PM

It's here...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Apr 07 - 04:48 PM

Oho, Monsieur le Hack:

You, from what high tower, I know not, can securely issue such condemnation? You who strove to bring Shatnerization to the MOAB? You, who inventeth alternate personalities of so little merit they dream of marrying policewomen? You, who buildeth of whole cloth the visage of stout detectives peopled by simians? Who worshipeth those who Wear the Rug and are over-endowed with Avoirdupois? Who spouteth all the day of Metaphysics? Who earneth his keep on E-Bay? You think to judge the sanity of others, while so unmoored drifts away your own mental ship? Oh, fie, rethink your premises, sirrah.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Apr 07 - 04:40 PM

You guys are completely nuts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 07 - 04:37 PM

Realized what?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Apr 07 - 04:34 PM



Wow -- Thanks, MMario. I just realized that!
!!!!
Wow -- Thanks, MMario. I just realized that!
!!!



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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 02 Apr 07 - 03:57 PM

well, *duh*, Amos! didn't anyone teach you in school that History repeats itself?

well, *duh*, Amos! didn't anyone teach you in school that History repeats itself?


well, *duh*, Amos! didn't anyone teach you in school that History repeats itself?

well, *duh*, Amos! didn't anyone teach you in school that History repeats itself?

well, *duh*, Amos! didn't anyone teach you in school that History repeats itself?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Apr 07 - 03:53 PM

I just knew we'd been here before. Deja vue all over again!

Note:

"26 Aug 05 - 11:03 AM (#1550276)
Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos

Nine thousand and twenty-seven posts ago,
Our Founder brought forth on this forum, a new Thread,
Conceived in Bull and dedicated to the proposition
That all other threads were created equal except this one.

Now we are engaged in a great civil lull,
Testing whether that thread -- or ANY thread, so conceived and so dedicated-- can long endure.
We are met on the last post so far to that thread.
We have come to dedicate a portion of that thread, as a final resting place for more of the bull from they who here gave their brains and hearts to seeing that thread survive.
It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this thread.
The brave writers, wise and otherwise, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract.
The world will little note, nor long remember what we do here, but it can never forget what they have said here, I suppose.
It is for us the BSing, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who wrote here have thus far so nobly advanced.

It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored posts we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these BSers shall not have written in vain -- that this thread, under Max, shall have a new birth of better bull--

And that BS of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the Cat. "


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 02 Apr 07 - 02:13 PM

Eight Thousand four Hundred and Thirty Five Score (plus one) posts ago
Our MOAB was brought forth upon this site. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Apr 07 - 01:34 PM

Now 16, eight and seventy
Have spoke the MOAB path
With gallant epic ditty,
And heartfelt jolly laughs.
If eight and seventy do appear
To please our Mother's Mind
With Spring upon the MOAB can
The Nine be far behind?
And if the Nine should soon appear,
Brave Sixteen Thousand Nine,
How long before Seventeen Grand
Shall Cross the MOAB line?
And shall we then all celebrate
And hymn and drink and wail?
To see that Seventeen Thousandth Post
Stand tall on MOAB's trail?
Oh, let it be, that thee, and me
And all of MOAB's clan
May bring the day to come about
Our Seventeen of Grand!

Paisley Winnebago
Milestones on the Short Trail


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Apr 07 - 12:03 PM

You would have me state that you use to leave "puddes"? Seems delusory to me. Anyway, old boy, as brother unto the MOAB I apologize for bringing up your childhood pecadilloes. It ain't truly fittin'. Must be Spring fever upon us. Once again I wander into work in shirtsleeves of a morning, and the days are long, golden, pleasant and busy.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 07 - 12:00 PM

Only because you put an 'L' in the word! I was only doing what I was told to do!

Nyah, nyah, nyah, Mr. Smarty-Farty!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Apr 07 - 10:53 AM

I'm getting glaas-packs for my Camaro, Mom, so that doesn't happen when I tinker. As I remember it, teaching Rapaire the fine art of accurate tinkering was not easy, back in the day. He would leave puddles.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Apr 07 - 10:50 AM

Ha! Her covers had slipped off the bed and her left leg was hanging off the mattress. The old girl was getting ready to start a slow slide out of bed if I hadn't gently nudged her back into place. A lot you know, out there tinkering with your mufflerless t-bird. Vroom, vroom! It shook Mom right out of bed this morning, I'll tell you!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Apr 07 - 09:51 AM

"Cosmologists have long assumed that the overall expansion of the universe is not affected by the properties of small regions within it, since these properties should average out on the largest scales.
But in any given region of space, the force of gravity between bits of matter acts as a brake on expansion. This means that expansion should slow down quickly in regions with lots of matter, while continuing without much change in mostly empty regions.

It is this difference in the expansion rate between different regions that could produce the illusion of dark energy, Rasanen says. Strangely enough, even though the expansion rate decreases or stays about the same in every region, the average rate of expansion for the universe as a whole can increase.

This is because over time, denser regions suck even more matter into them by the force of gravity, which further empties the less dense regions. This process has led to the condensation of matter into galaxies and clusters of galaxies, with ever larger voids in between."

As a regular contributor to the Master BS collection here, I must protest this effort to destabilize the grip of dark matter on our world-views. Dark matter is a priceless twist, a gem among concepts for those seeking touchstones from which to generate quality bull.

But even BS, sooner or later, must yield to the firm forward march of science. I am sure they'll come up with something, like the chicken-soup theory of particle creation or soemthing, to take the place of dark matter as a fount of ridicule.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Apr 07 - 09:38 AM

Dear God, now he's ripping off old Kirk Douglas rhymes. Ah, alas. First he forgot how to pronounce his name, and now this. Lo, how the mighty are fallen.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 07 - 09:25 AM

Good morning, Mom! I see Stilly awakened you again at some ungodly hour, just so that you'd take your sleeping pill. That girl! Did you know that when she was out the other night she...oh, wait. I'm not supposed to mention to anybody that she was out with that guy she met at the Candy Store who turned and smiled at her even though they said he was bad because he came from the wrong side of town and they were always putting him down, she knew he was sad, but her dad said to find someone new and she had to tell Johnny they were through. That guy. The one they called "Wussy of the Pack." But I'm not supposed to tell you about it because she got in really, really late from the dance with her lipstick all a mess and she figured you'd ground her and then she couldn't go to the racing ground because you'd take her t-bird away.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Apr 07 - 02:13 AM

Hey, MOM! Don't slip! I'll catch you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Apr 07 - 09:45 PM

Courtesy Gargoyle:

Got a whale of a tale to tell ya, lads
A whale of a tale or two
'Bout the flappin' fish and the girls I've loved
On nights like this with the moon above
A whale of a tale and it's all true
I swear by my tattoo

There was Mermaid Minnie, met her down in Madagascar
She would kiss me, any time that I would ask her
Then one evening her flame of love blew out
Blow me down and pick me up!
She swapped me for a trout

Got a whale of a tale to tell ya, lads
A whale of a tale or two
'Bout the flappin' fish and the girls I've loved
On nights like this with the moon above
A whale of a tale and it's all true
I swear by my tattoo

There was Typhoon Tessie, met her on the coast of Java
When we kissed I bubbled up like molten lava
Then she gave me the scare of my young life
Blow me down and pick me up!
She was the captain's wife

Got a whale of a tale to tell ya, lads
A whale of a tale or two
'Bout the flappin' fish and the girls I've loved
On nights like this with the moon above
A whale of a tale and it's all true
I swear by my tattoo


Originally sung by our own Amos, as his ship, "Whereinhell Arwe," crossed the Line and he was promoted from polliwog by King Neptune his own self.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Apr 07 - 03:41 PM

And a whale of a tale that is!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Apr 07 - 02:15 PM

Aye, Cap'n, me friend QueerQuig, here, is just what you need. He wields the best crampoon in all of the Western Oceans!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Apr 07 - 10:46 AM

I call such a work a "crampoon" or maybe a "tampoon", depending.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Apr 07 - 10:42 AM

Aw, shucks, I dunno what ta say.... I jist kinder figgered that iffen you wrote an epik bout me I kinda oughta write one bout you, sorta like givin' a present ta somebody who's give you one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Apr 07 - 10:39 AM

The mind boggles at thine accomplishment, Rapparee.

A parody within a takeoff rolled up in a caricature and carrying a burlesque ( a kind of pointed lkampoon).

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Apr 07 - 09:23 AM

The Absolutely Fantastic Adventure of Brave Sir Amos, Knight of the Table Round and Sans Pur et Sans Reproache, (cont'd.)

Cried he, "Villein! Hold thy pen!
Don't write no more such stuff again!
Else I will have to take thy head,
Arms and legs, table and bed,
I'll break thy lance, I'll break thy sword,
I'll take thy dictionary, every word!
For I do not fear the wrath of men
Especially those who wield the pen!"
So drew he Fishmash, his noble blade,
And chased the poet 'round the glade,
'Til finally the poet slipped on the dew
And Sir Amos clove him quite in two!
"Egad!" quoth he. "What have I done?"
Now poets two instead of one
Shall loudly my details proclaim!"
And so he hacked the chap again
Until the poet mincemeat was
And with sound of flies the glade did buzz.
Then Sir Amos wiped from his blade the gore
Of the poet who would nevermore
Write of his deeds, both bad and good
Within the overarching wood
Of trees and shrubs and birds and deer,
Giants, orcs, and old King Lear,
Glaciers, palms, and pilgrims lost,
And danger to the permafrost.
Fair maidens everywhere did weep
And publicans did half their keep
Of nut-brown ale and whisky strong
And with flooding tears did the sums erase
That the poet owed, for now decease
He ne'er more could even up the score
Five pubs went broke and even more
Did ban Sir Amos for this deed
And the publicans spent their lives in need.
In rags their children went to school
In summer's heat and winter's cool
And in future times whenever they
Spoke to grandchild, fair or fey,
Of their youth, how in school they stay
(Tho' they walked uphill both the way
Through snow and ice up to their chest
Their education was the best)
They told of how Sir Amos, brave,
Did them to poverty enslave
By mincing the poet, head and knee,
Who was yclepted "Rapaire."

Exeunt Omnes

Here endeth The Absolutely Fantastic Adventure of Brave Sir Amos, Knight of the Table Round and Sans Pur et Sans Reproache.

         -- The Epic Of Sir Amos, from "The
         Incompleat Manuscript Works of Geoffy Chaucer"
         (Bawdylian Library, Rayon Herkimer Mss.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 01 Apr 07 - 06:52 AM

Before we reach the Seventeen Kay,
Another number, if I may,
Is looming still within my sights,
And should be mine before three nights.

I speak of course of one which spins,
And as it ends, so it begins.
At sixteen eight and ninety one,
My pinwheel number will be won.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Apr 07 - 12:21 AM

Now neighbors all, I prithee see
Sixteen and Eight and Fifty Three
Of posts we merry lot have made
So onward, to Seventeen Kay!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Mar 07 - 11:59 PM

The Absolutely Fantastic Adventure of Brave Sir Amos, Knight of the Table Round and Sans Pur et Sans Reproache, (cont'd.)

Headstood he in blasted wood
Knowing that he did no good
To his insides or to his head
So got he to his feet instead
And like the good and parfait knight
He was he thought his hair a fright
So sprang he to his noble steed
Knowing that a comb he'd need
Ere he could to table come
And drink and eat and pound the drum-
Like table with the other knights
And drink, carouse, and get in fights
Until the rosy daybreak came
Bringing o'erindulgence's bane
Calling like the other louts
For aspirin, silence, patience, clouts
For those so much dropped a pin
And death to those who did more sin!
Searched for a comb he high and low
Here and there, above, below,
In and out, around and through,
On stormy sea, in morning dew,
On mountain high, in valley low,
In castle, keep, and bungalow!
And then one day he did espy
A comb that really caught his eye!
Bejeweled it was, in platinum set
Its very teeth as black as jet!
Its rattail of Einsteinium

(This enormous epic will be continued later)

         -- The Epic Of Sir Amos, from "The
         Incompleat Manuscript Works of Geoffy Chaucer"
         (Bawdylian Library, Rayon Herkimer Mss.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Mar 07 - 10:53 PM

The Absolutely Fantastic Adventure of Brave Sir Amos, Knight of the Table Round and Sans Pur et Sans Reproache, (cont'd.)

The dragon did its mouth agape
The brave Sir Amos to entape
With its tongue, all slimy spit
Envenomed like the Devil's pit!
But brave Sir Amos stood his ground
Amidst the flames that danced around
His armor pure, but slightly scorched
By dragon's breath and forward marched
E'en unto the dragons head
And hacked it off and then he said
"Fair maiden I you this present
As token of my pure intent."
She cried, she shrieked, away did faint,
Her visage fair did look like paint
Of palest hue or whitewash pure
But her lips of crimson quite a lure
And brave Sir Amos kissed these
Again and again, like tasting cheese,
He could could nay stop, he could nay quit,
'Til damsel woke and took a fit
"Oh evil one, who my virtue took,
Now do the Right Thing, by The Book!
Now marry me within the month,
Or Daddy's gonna

(This enormous epic will be continued later)

         -- The Epic Of Sir Amos, from "The
         Incompleat Manuscript Works of Geoffy Chaucer"
         (Bawdylian Library, Rayon Herkimer Mss.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Mar 07 - 10:31 PM

Oh good! You've set the tone for my movies this weekend. The library was stripped bare of most of the good DVDs--I ended up bringing home Hamlet and Braveheart. Lots of blood and guts and bits of brain, ala Mel Gibson.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Mar 07 - 10:17 PM

The Absolutely Fantastic Adventure of Brave Sir Amos, Knight of the Table Round and Sans Pur et Sans Reproache

Amidst the angst of battle sound
Brave Sir Amos would be found,
Round him bodies steeped in gore
Men who'd never breath no more.
Cloven skulls and pierced hearts
Guts outside their inside parts
Legs and arms all scattered 'round
Scarlet plumes and trousers browned
Gouts of blood and bits of brains
Brave Sir Amos faced the trains
Of Celt and Pict and Saxon foe
Free to trade them blow for blow
Iberian, Banjoist and Basque
But fell Sir Amos to his task!
Slaughtered he the serried rank
And armed file. Until a tank
Lumbered fast into his sight
He quaked, but did not take his flight
For overhead, above the foe
An A-10 Warthog struck a blow
All liveried in puce and orange

(This enormous epic will be continued later)

         -- The Epic Of Sir Amos, from "The
         Incompleat Manuscript Works of Geoffy Chaucer"
         (Bawdylian Library, Rayon Herkimer Mss.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Mar 07 - 08:40 PM

Aha. So you admit you have been using an alien alias all this time? Posing as a person bearing the name of a foreign power? Hmmmm?

Now, come on. No-one on this whole forum has ever been featured in such an epic poem before, and all you can do is criticize. You should be blushing with gratitude. Fie, thou serpent's tooth!

See if I pen any more epics about you!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Mar 07 - 08:32 PM

Well! I had a crushing response written but it vanished into that great Black Hole in the Internet.

But basically you are correct, Amos: there are no words in English which end in "aire" and are pronounced as "aree." But rather that repeat everything in my now-vanished post, I refer you to the Oifig na Gaeilge at the Dublin Institute of Technology, where I am certain that you will find that the word "Rapaire" is a variant of the word "Ropaire" and that both are pronounced "Rapparee."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Mar 07 - 04:55 PM

Dear Sir:

I can only suggest that of you had wanted to be named Rapparee, you would have spelled it accordingly. The only possible pronunciation for your present spelling does, indeed, rhyme approximatly with "prayer", "air", and dare I say it, "Nair".


You will find no truly English words in which the ending after a consonant "aire" sounds at all like "aree".

And for you to spitefully seek to discredit so creative and elegant a ballad as my own recent humble contribution on shallow and inacurrate phonological ground is a twist worthy of the most loyal Republican.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Mar 07 - 04:19 PM

At least I don't try to rhyme "Rapaire" (pronounced rap-a-ree) with "prayer."

Stranger, pause, and say a prayer
For the soul of our Rapaire.


May I suggest

Stranger, pause and have a pee,
In memory of bold Rapaire --
For in his memory the Legion Colonel
Has erected this here urinal.
???


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Mar 07 - 02:11 PM

There are parts of this country where you can still be sent to prison for doing away with a Festus before its time. Imagine.


A


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