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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 24 Jul 06 - 11:28 AM
Rapparee 24 Jul 06 - 11:24 AM
Acme 24 Jul 06 - 11:21 AM
MMario 24 Jul 06 - 11:06 AM
Rapparee 24 Jul 06 - 10:55 AM
MMario 24 Jul 06 - 09:34 AM
Amos 24 Jul 06 - 09:26 AM
Rapparee 24 Jul 06 - 09:07 AM
MMario 24 Jul 06 - 08:30 AM
Amos 23 Jul 06 - 05:31 PM
Bunnahabhain 23 Jul 06 - 05:18 PM
Acme 23 Jul 06 - 05:04 PM
Acme 23 Jul 06 - 04:53 PM
Amos 23 Jul 06 - 04:36 PM
Rapparee 23 Jul 06 - 04:35 PM
Acme 23 Jul 06 - 01:08 PM
Amos 23 Jul 06 - 01:48 AM
Acme 23 Jul 06 - 01:24 AM
Bunnahabhain 22 Jul 06 - 08:05 PM
Acme 22 Jul 06 - 06:37 PM
Bunnahabhain 22 Jul 06 - 04:40 PM
Acme 22 Jul 06 - 10:07 AM
Rustic Rebel 22 Jul 06 - 02:44 AM
Amos 22 Jul 06 - 01:17 AM
Acme 21 Jul 06 - 11:53 PM
Acme 21 Jul 06 - 09:33 PM
Amos 21 Jul 06 - 08:56 PM
Acme 21 Jul 06 - 08:09 PM
Acme 21 Jul 06 - 08:08 PM
Acme 21 Jul 06 - 07:17 PM
Amos 21 Jul 06 - 06:35 PM
Rapparee 21 Jul 06 - 03:14 PM
Acme 21 Jul 06 - 12:09 PM
MMario 21 Jul 06 - 11:22 AM
Rapparee 21 Jul 06 - 11:19 AM
Amos 21 Jul 06 - 10:25 AM
Acme 20 Jul 06 - 10:51 PM
Amos 20 Jul 06 - 05:10 PM
MMario 20 Jul 06 - 03:29 PM
Rapparee 20 Jul 06 - 03:09 PM
Amos 20 Jul 06 - 02:51 PM
MMario 20 Jul 06 - 02:44 PM
Amos 20 Jul 06 - 02:36 PM
Rapparee 20 Jul 06 - 01:02 PM
MMario 20 Jul 06 - 09:50 AM
Amos 20 Jul 06 - 09:48 AM
MMario 20 Jul 06 - 08:14 AM
Acme 19 Jul 06 - 11:23 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 19 Jul 06 - 11:09 PM
Acme 19 Jul 06 - 10:00 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Jul 06 - 11:28 AM

ewwwww. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jul 06 - 11:24 AM

"No, no, Mr. Mario sir! I swear it's only ice cream!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Jul 06 - 11:21 AM

The kids were both gone this weekend most of the time, so all I would have been able to do would be paw checks. 16 of them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 24 Jul 06 - 11:06 AM

oh yes, the archery range is rife with...errrr --way too much stuff. The major problem isn't what they are doing, it is what they are NOT doing while they are busy doing what they *are* doing (however "innocent" that may be....)

Because they are *suppossed* to be working - not gazing soulfully into each others eyes; or giving their girlfriend/boyfriend a back rub, or feeding each other bites of ice cream, or ....

and unfortunately for them - that means they have to

a) be looking at the customers

b) be paying attention to the customers

c) be semi-conscious.

I don't insist on full consciousness, I'm not a slave driver. I do insist that they be at least partially aware of what is going on around them. and their glands do occasionally interfere with that. So by calling hand checks - they get jerked back into the reality of the situation - primarily - yes, I do know what they are doing, they are *NOT* "getting away" with anything, and they are dead meat if I have to talk to ANY of their parents.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jul 06 - 10:55 AM

I get it!

"Fair maid, wouldst that I could have you enquiver my arrow!"
"Spare my blushes, good sir, for my mother and father are nigh, but later we may discuss country matters."

And then, as the arrows whizz overhead, other shafts also reach their target. After all, they don't call it the "butts" for nothing!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 24 Jul 06 - 09:34 AM

well - they are standing out in the middle of an archery range...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jul 06 - 09:26 AM

Hand checks? It's not their hands we're worried about!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jul 06 - 09:07 AM

If you make them keep their hands outside the covers you don't have to do hand checks. Or is this like the old "VD Stations" the Army used to have?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 24 Jul 06 - 08:30 AM

HI mom. I'm home. 1585 was very very wet this weekend. I stood in six inches of water for 11.5 hours saturday.

and then to top it off, had to institue hand checks for the teens at 'hormone central'.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jul 06 - 05:31 PM

The urge is normal, I understand!! :D

Hang in there; this is just the trauma of mitosis on a large, slow scale.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 23 Jul 06 - 05:18 PM

I have wrestled the beast and won. I have returned bearing my prizes. It has taked much time effort toil and beer.

Unfortunatly, all I actually achived was to book some hotel rooms in the land of the cheese eating Garlicy surrender monkeys...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Jul 06 - 05:04 PM

Trouble is, the lessons she has learned have cost us big time. She didn't turn in any applications in time for scholarships so there are none for this year. Even with her great grades and minority status. She seems to think the money will just appear (as, in fact, our struggles and parent loans are making it do so). I want her to go on to college now, I don't want her side-tracked by waiting.

Supressing the parental urge to kill. . . as we're working on all of it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Jul 06 - 04:53 PM

Sneaky tree growing up through the fence
limbs sinew through companions' arms
and into TXU wires.

The saw of amputation hovers
over the crotch of trunk and branch,
taking a tender nibble before setting down to feast.

Dog companions finding pleasure in watching
the operation from the doomed shade
are chased away with rocks and sticks.

Dying twigs and leaves shiver with each stroke
and en masse swing gracefully to the turf
butt end up and hovering for a few more strokes.

Saw down, tails wag and now to haul this sucker
out to the curb before the leaves dry and drop
all along my path out to the street.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jul 06 - 04:36 PM

The hardest thing in the world is to back off far enough to let her self-determination show. Even if she walks into lamp-posts for the first few days.

Lessons she learns by her own decision will stay real; things said by parents are as the dew at summer dawning, soon gone.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jul 06 - 04:35 PM

Children are the biggest conservatives there are. It's in the nature of things; they feel safe and secure and then you toss them out of the nest so they can learn the power of their own wings.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Jul 06 - 01:08 PM

You know, if they would just "get it" and start acting like grownups, then you wouldn't have to nag them. Which makes them dig in their heels worse and act more childish. It's a no-win situation with teenagers.

I was rather glad to drop her off this morning, but I did find myself stuffing an old Carol King CD in the player for the drive back home. Lots of relationship songs there. . .

Now that I'm thoroughly depressed on this hot bright day I'll go out and do some good digging in the garden. And thank goodness for pets--the dogs are always happy to see me!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jul 06 - 01:48 AM

Big Adventures!! Yeeha, Maw!!

Very best of good luck to her.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Jul 06 - 01:24 AM

Been working on priorities all evening with the 17-year-old. Getting the feet wet in college is hard work. I'm heading for bed and will get up early to stuff she and her paraphernalia into the pickup to take her to school for three days of orientation.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 08:05 PM

Well, one has to get ones priorities in order. It would help if I could remember what they are, or in fact if I have any....

I must stay away more often, the poetry improves.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 06:37 PM

I'm glad you stopped in to see MOM before you headed out to mingle with the chaps on the boob thread.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 04:40 PM

I'm Back! Glad to see nothing changes round here...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 10:07 AM

;-D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 02:44 AM

You call upon a child that seems to know the night
was not of a circumstance but of brilliant foresight
Seeing is not a sense that was needed
for this:::
I believe you are a sore for sight eyes,
That's what I want for the frontal lobatomy of the spatula that ran a straight line wind
into my pancake pan, and
ran inside a cascade of three plus two plus one
who is the son
of the realm of the:::
math--e--mat--ic--one?
Can't spin a web:::
but thought I would like to be a spider.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 01:17 AM

I know that when the night breeze swoops down
And covers Texas with permission
To leave the ordinary forms, to drown
In explosions of discovery and imagining
That you, in the first heart of your drowsy takeoff into sleep
Are the first in line,
The first of many who
Call the thrill back from the night.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 11:53 PM

'Night, Mom! The kids aren't here so I can just go to bed when I want to, not after I've nagged them into turning off the tv and computer and go to their rooms!

What an exciting life I lead.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 09:33 PM

Did you overdo the tumps, Amos?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 08:56 PM

Tiddle Tump! Tiddle Tump! Tiddle tump-tump-tump-tump-tump-TEE-tump!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 08:09 PM

And the dash for 13331 is on. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 08:08 PM

Someone's gotta do it. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 07:17 PM

Aw, how sweet!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 06:35 PM

I pity the poor libraaariannnn
Who sits there in the cold
His building open to the sky
Who is also growing old
Who wanders in his books all day
And finds too much to say
And dewey-minded wanders home
At the end of every day.

I pity the libraaariannn
Whose world fills with the lines
Of deathless prose and death-like facts
Borrowed from other minds;
Whose time is measured by the page
When his heart yearns to be free
And slowly grows upon an age
When there's nothing else to be.

A man who rightly would prefer
To be upon the range,
Or riding with the Legionaires
Must find it passing strange
That he once knew freedom's might
Stepping out upon the world
Now reads himself to sleep each night,
To dream of sails unfurled.

Of open seas, and mighty foes,
And deeds so bravely done!
Of nights upon the jungle's breast
Where the native girls do run,
Of distant islands in the sun,
Where the tropic breezes blow,
Who turns to sleep, then, with a sigh,
With nothing else to know.

Sam B. Dillon
Coffee Shoppe Aires of Oldene Dayes
Winsome, Sweete, Fayre and Blande
Rye, New York, 2002


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 03:14 PM

Well, Mom, I thought I'd posted something but I guess it went to The Big Bit Bucket In The Sky.

An old librarian went posting on one dark and windy day
Upon his chair he rested as he posted in his way
When all at once a mighty batch of good BS he wrote
A-threadin' through the MOAB and gettin' everybody's goat.

It's content was sweet and pure, for naught would that man steal
The print was black and shiny and its good sense he feel
But bolt of fear went through him as he clicked upon "Submit"
For he knew that sometime lately the poster would be bit.

Yippie yi Ohhhhh
Yippie yi yaaaaay
Bit Buckets in the sky.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 12:09 PM

I hope you're not planning to breed any of these plasma giants. It would tear up the whole golf course behind Rapaire's house, for example. At the very least.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 11:22 AM

WAs it a difficult delivery?
How large is a plasma monitor at birth?
Are they difficult to breed?
What is the length of the gestation?
Do you need to feed the mother-to-be on a special diet?
What bloodlines to you reccomend?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 11:19 AM

Well, he said in all humility, I have had delivered just this week a 42" plasma monitor. For the Library, not for myself.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 10:25 AM

The image of huge fiberglass statues of nurses with IV rigs int heir hands, towering over the front lawn of the local General hospital, comes to mind.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 10:51 PM

Rapaire, how about the study of plasma giants?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 05:10 PM

Not to mention microgastroeconomics, the study of financial bullshit after it has been swallowed.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 03:29 PM

too true, Rapaire. People tend to get that branch of science confused with Gastroeconomics - the study of celestial bodies on the money market; just as they confuse astronomy and astrology.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 03:09 PM

Isn't gastronomics the study of plasma and gas giants?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 02:51 PM

It does get confusing, especially with the price of gastronomics turnng astronomical.

The actual collection in which I found the afore-mentioned gem was "Post-Factum Gastronomy and Epicureal By Products", sub-titled 'Poems of Wasting and Wanting Not' edited by E.P. Keure.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 02:44 PM

Well, I wasn't sure, Amos. It could have been from G. Ourmet's "Ode to an Omnivore's Universe".

I tend to get OUrmond and Ourmet confused. They are so similar except for personal taste.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 02:36 PM

I mighta known I couldn't slide one past your keen eye, MM!! Good spotting.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 01:02 PM

There was a young sea bass named Clyde
Who fell down a privy and died
His twin brother Arthur
Fell down another
And now they'r interred side-by-slide.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 09:50 AM

That's a qoute from G. Ourmond's 'Caloric Eulogies' is it not, Amos?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 09:48 AM

Ye who from the seas are drawn,
To the seas must now return
All your scales and bones now gone,
In a sewer, not an urn.
Ashes and dust, for men of words,
But you shall be sent off as turds
Into the seas, to rest, and then
Perhaps to become a fish again.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 08:14 AM

The operation was successful, the patient died - and will be ingested interred at a private ceremony at the family home, 5 pm firday. Lemon and tartar sauce suggested in lieu of cash memorials.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 11:23 PM

Ah, yes. . ."The operation was a success, but the patient died. . ."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 11:09 PM

Fish surgery is nothing new. I've removed life-threatening fillets from more fish than I'd care to count.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 10:00 PM

Dy-no-mite!


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