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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 13 Jun 06 - 08:58 AM
Bunnahabhain 13 Jun 06 - 08:36 AM
Little Hawk 12 Jun 06 - 11:44 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 12 Jun 06 - 11:37 PM
Rapparee 12 Jun 06 - 11:22 PM
Rustic Rebel 12 Jun 06 - 11:20 PM
Rustic Rebel 12 Jun 06 - 11:14 PM
Rapparee 12 Jun 06 - 11:09 PM
Little Hawk 12 Jun 06 - 10:32 PM
Amos 12 Jun 06 - 10:28 PM
Rapparee 12 Jun 06 - 10:23 PM
Rustic Rebel 12 Jun 06 - 10:18 PM
Rapparee 12 Jun 06 - 09:25 PM
Acme 12 Jun 06 - 02:19 PM
Rapparee 12 Jun 06 - 01:34 PM
Little Hawk 12 Jun 06 - 01:33 PM
Amos 12 Jun 06 - 01:30 PM
MMario 12 Jun 06 - 01:13 PM
Little Hawk 12 Jun 06 - 01:06 PM
Amos 12 Jun 06 - 01:02 PM
Rapparee 12 Jun 06 - 12:34 PM
Amos 12 Jun 06 - 01:12 AM
Rapparee 11 Jun 06 - 11:57 PM
Acme 11 Jun 06 - 10:40 PM
Rapparee 11 Jun 06 - 10:18 PM
Amos 11 Jun 06 - 07:54 PM
Rapparee 11 Jun 06 - 06:18 PM
Amos 11 Jun 06 - 05:50 PM
Rapparee 11 Jun 06 - 05:29 PM
Acme 11 Jun 06 - 04:57 PM
Rapparee 11 Jun 06 - 02:32 PM
Amos 11 Jun 06 - 01:30 PM
Rapparee 10 Jun 06 - 10:43 PM
Amos 10 Jun 06 - 08:58 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Jun 06 - 07:38 PM
Acme 10 Jun 06 - 06:32 PM
Rapparee 10 Jun 06 - 05:49 PM
Bunnahabhain 10 Jun 06 - 02:07 PM
Acme 10 Jun 06 - 01:56 PM
Amos 10 Jun 06 - 01:31 PM
Rapparee 10 Jun 06 - 12:37 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Jun 06 - 12:14 PM
Rapparee 10 Jun 06 - 11:46 AM
Amos 10 Jun 06 - 11:39 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Jun 06 - 11:14 AM
Amos 10 Jun 06 - 09:17 AM
Acme 10 Jun 06 - 01:41 AM
Rapparee 09 Jun 06 - 09:42 PM
Amos 09 Jun 06 - 12:10 PM
Rapparee 09 Jun 06 - 11:37 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jun 06 - 08:58 AM

Ya oughta see what happens to Peeps. No, on second thought, you wouldn't. It's...it's...just awful!!

And yeah, I noticed the ads too. And I do know how to use a semicolon, 'cause the nuns who taught me grammar in grammar school gave me a semicolonoscopy right there in front of the class and everyone. And I was shamed by it, I tell you, shamed!! There I was, an innocent second grader, left in front of the class with my participle dangling, my articles exposed for all to see, and a semicolonoscope stuck in my gerund! This event warped me. From that moment on I was turned from the paths of righteousness; when I got home even my mother commented upon it (note the semicolon!). She said, "Son, you have no right to sing the blues!" and I told her what had happened and she gave me the words and music to everything Blind Lemon Jefferson, Robert Johnson, and Leadbelly every sang. That brought me to folk music and before you knew it I'd given up singing "Doggie In The Window" and was strummin' a Martin Airdreadnought and singin' "Goober Peas" and "Little Joe the Wrangler" and "Whorehouse Bells Were Ringing" and "Lily of the West" and "Lorena" and "Ten Thousand Goddamn Cattle." Never again was I picked to sing solo at the annual Christmas Play. Never again was I trusted to sing backup doowop in the church choir. Finally, my fall was completed and I took up the trumpet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 13 Jun 06 - 08:36 AM

That pickle really begs the question why, but I imagine it's on the same grounds as microwaving grapes correctly, MOAB and other such silly things. Because we can...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Jun 06 - 11:44 PM

Tell him to get bent!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Jun 06 - 11:37 PM

This Goddamned website is getting way too personal! The last three or four times I've posted, the Google ads have been touting "English Grammar Checker" and "Grammar Lessons".

Hey, I have the requisite degree in English just like most of the other bozos around here. I think I know how to construct a readable paragraph. Okay, I don't do semicolons very well, but who outside the ranks of over-educated prigdom does? Hell, people have written novels without using a single semicolon!

Now, I wouldn't mind if Mr. Google flashed his ads at Bobert or The Shambles or any of our no-caps-no-punctuation-bite-me-if-you-don't-like-it crowd, but if he continues to criticize my writing he can take his little ads and put 'em where the sun don't shine!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jun 06 - 11:22 PM

It is something to light your evenings.

I saw Roy Acuff, I think it was, demonstrate this on television once.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 12 Jun 06 - 11:20 PM

Rapaire, we seemed to have + dressed, and that looks like one hot pickle to me babe.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 12 Jun 06 - 11:14 PM

Dunno-LH-Must have flew right out of here.

An epiphany to enlighten the path of all the pure relished thoughts that only a pickle would smother a 12 foot dog and still come up yelling, hallelujah and smothered halibut, to it's mother on the other side on the river bank, while transcending thought of lighting candles and hoping for a calm evening.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jun 06 - 11:09 PM

They've been electrocuted, that's why.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Jun 06 - 10:32 PM

I wonder what happened to that thread asking "Why can't pickles fly?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jun 06 - 10:28 PM

It is better to light a candle, dear girl, than to curse your mother.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jun 06 - 10:23 PM

I had much the same experience once, RR. It's really quite an epiphany.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 12 Jun 06 - 10:18 PM

Okay_Get bent Little Hawk-La-la-la::::

I'm sitting here eating a burrito, and sour cream squirts out the end and I'm thinking, it's kizmit and I gotta answer an unanswered thing that BWL thought I could answer.
I ain't got a clue what the fuck it was all about, but I think it has something to do with the metaphysics of sour cream.
The more I ate on my burrito, the slimier it became,which made me realize that if I thought about mother and sex, my food would become an obsticle that was not to be ignored, but relished.:::
So I went downstairs, and ate a pickle.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jun 06 - 09:25 PM

Nah, Shatner and Bush are both too easy. So are Rummy and "Slick Dick" Cheney. How about that person I read about on the front of the tabloids sometimes -- Jay Low or something like that. Or maybe Brad and Brittany, although I had talking bad about spaniels.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Jun 06 - 02:19 PM

You could bash Shatner. He generates a big wind wherever he goes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jun 06 - 01:34 PM

LH, don't you go mouthin' off to my friend Amos! And Amos, don't you go badmouthin' my friend LH!

I know! Let's all badmouth Bee-dubya-ell! Living where he does he's used to high winds.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Jun 06 - 01:33 PM

Yeah? Up yours! ;-) (I've been hanging around with Shane. He's been giving me tips on how to make friends and influence people.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jun 06 - 01:30 PM

Little Hawk, you have been most uncharacteristically unsettled of late, and your usual spiritual tranquility has given way to ragged edges of hostility and catankerous remarks, like the edges of a stained and worn curtain blowing in and out of a window at night in a low-rent apartment. I trust you are not unwell, sir? And let me add, in the event that you are not:

Kiss my ass.


(grin).


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Jun 06 - 01:13 PM

The Anti-Pope, perhaps? After all, when I had that horrible drug-induced nightmare where-in His Holiness met with he-who-shall-not-be-named; as soon as they touched there was a vilent explosion destroying the universe. sosrt of like matter-antimatter reaction.

errr....that WAS a nightmare, right?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Jun 06 - 01:06 PM

Get bent. (grin)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jun 06 - 01:02 PM

I was thinking in terms of a signal to the world that the diatribes and wrestling and been concluded and all was well with the world. Pope of the Badlands, mayhap.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jun 06 - 12:34 PM

What, white smoke? I don't think he can be Pope.

Besides, I've already composted it.

Lala, it makes the grass grow green
Lala, it makes a good Marine....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jun 06 - 01:12 AM

Burn it with a LOT of air, in order to make white smoke.

Peace on you all.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jun 06 - 11:57 PM

I think that it's the upper left quarter and the lower right quarter. It's quite messy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Jun 06 - 10:40 PM

If it is the half that doesn't talk or type you're better off. Stick the end you do have in the mouth of a shark (so it protrudes) at the Chicago Aquarium to freak out the visitors. They could probably use the increase in visitation.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jun 06 - 10:18 PM

I started. Sorry. But I only got halfway through before I read that you didn't want him.

What am I to do with half of him? It's not even his best side.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jun 06 - 07:54 PM

I would not, SIr; and as you are still innocent of crime, I would ye had notte thee sayme, either.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jun 06 - 06:18 PM

No, that was the Grimoire Speculorum, a volume in my private library. Written sanguinus humanorum on pellagra humanorum it is one of those little bibliographical finds, like the Necronomican (which I also have) one runs across from time to time. For example, in the GS there is this recipe for a form of Viagra:

Pluck the hairs from Ye testicles of Ye living Wolfe and boil in the blood of a chimera until they be dissolved. Boile into it ye fat from the kydneys of a hanged manne and continue in ye same manner until the potion be as thicke as butter. Make to dissolve a peece of this the size of a pea in a glass of wine and ye shall never be without a cockstand when wanted.

This lost me at the part about plucking the hairs from a wolf....

Would you have the enchantment to call up "ye demon Martinn Gibbsonn"?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jun 06 - 05:50 PM

Last time he dicked around with the Maleus the Mudcat went down for a week and Martin Gibson re-appeared.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jun 06 - 05:29 PM

I myself have worked with incunabula (52 titles, no less!) and various rare books like a first edition of "Ulysses" and a third edition of the "Malleus Maleficarum". I didn't use them as a footstool, though.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Jun 06 - 04:57 PM

Former boss of mine was a librarian at Smithsonian in his youthful intern day. He had an "office" in a cubby under a stairwell where he could read, eat lunch, and put his feet up out of sight of the public. His director got all in a tizzy at one point because someone wanted to see their folio of Audubon art and they couldn't find it. He asked what it looked like, thought a bit, then took them down to his "office." His footrest had been the box the pictures were stored in.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jun 06 - 02:32 PM

If you think the Gutenberg Bible is nice, try the Book of Kells! (Trinity College Dublin won't lend that, either!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jun 06 - 01:30 PM

Oh, the towering ambition of youth.

I saw one once (a Gutenberg bible) in the museum in Los Angeles.

Very beautiful, slow, graceful object. Vibrant in a way, but one that bespoke a long, long, process.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 10:43 PM

Bee Dubya could just wait for the next hurricane and WHOOSH! it's gone away!

Most of my books aren't duplicated in the Library, and I buy those I want to own (i.e., I'll read them several times, use them for reference, etc.).

When I was in grad school the first time I tried to borrow a book from the Library of Congress on ILL. I took down all the pertinent information from the old National Union Catalog and submitted the request to the ILL librarian. He confirmed that I was a grad student and therefore eligible to borrow from LC, I told him that the book was NOT available in the University Library, and he turned and walked away to submit it, turned in mid-stride, and said, "No. I'm not going to submit this. For one thing, I doubt that LC will send their Gutenberg Bible on ILL and for another, even if they did we can't afford the security."

Well, I tried.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 08:58 PM

And ILL won't help with that kind of crap.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 07:38 PM

It's a 100 mile round-trip for me to the nearest flush toilet!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 06:32 PM

Rap, you WORK in a library--do you really NEED to go to B&N? Just get it ILL.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 05:49 PM

400 mile round trip??? Jeez man, I have a 100 mile road trip just to go to the Barnes and Noble bookstore!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 02:07 PM

I know the feeling, SRS. York and back in a day. 400 mile round trips are not fun. No traffic at least. Apperently some football match was on...

Very starnge, being in England aand seeing flags everywhere. It's just not English. Felt much more normal when I got back to Scotland, and saw national flags everywhere. I'm used to random displays of Scottish nationalism.....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 01:56 PM

It isn't good for a camera to rattle around unsecured in an empty space, Amos. It would break the camera.

I'm half-way through all of my trips to Dallas. I think the train (read: cheap but time consuming) portion is over. Tonight and twice tomorrow I must drive (read: faster but way more expensive). The things we do for our kids (and the lack of appreciation that they show for all of that work) is staggering.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 01:31 PM

I wonder if we could slip a webcam into her most secret and closely guarded regions -- for example, her brain.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 12:37 PM

Yeah! Toejam! Athlete's foot! Even jock itch! Like an reality TV show starring Ann Coulter!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 12:14 PM

You mean like "Sinus Cam" or "Esophagus Cam"? No, wait! What an idea! The ultimate in microcamera websites! "Toejam Cam"! Just attach a wireless microcam between two of your toes and don't wash your feet for, oh, two weeks. A new low in voyeurism to be sure!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 11:46 AM

Geez, don't we have enough of those websites already????


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 11:39 AM

It would give some visibility into the nature of, um, intimacy. Which might be a good thing.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 11:14 AM

Why would I want to arm myself with gardners, chauffeurs and fiber optic lines? I like the arms I have. Anyway, if I were to have a gardner where my right arm is and a chauffeur where my left arm is then there wouldn't be room for a fiber optic arm. Oh, I suppose it could be a leg or a foot or errr... mmmm.... something. We'll let Rustic Rebel finish that thought.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 09:17 AM

Well, I wish we could all call in disgustingly rich and arm ourselves with gardners and chauffeurs and personal fiber optic lines, THEN you'd see some BS all right.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Jun 06 - 01:41 AM

Sorry, Ma, but I've been riding the rails today. Took kids to a convention in Dallas this morning, then returned to pick up the youngest to spend the night at home. Repeat again on Saturday and Sunday. No train on Sunday, though, so that trip will cost me in gas money.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jun 06 - 09:42 PM

Gracious, Mom! You were just two from being the very bottom! Now you get back up where you belong and don't go hanging around those low dives anymore, you hear? You might see something* there that would shock you!






























*Like Bee-Dubya-Ell. Or Amos. Or worse, me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jun 06 - 12:10 PM

I am not going to go haring after your 7% solution, even if you hound me to. I am no baker, street irregular, or holme-less ragamuffin to cater to pipe dreams or similar fiddles.

BTW, I recently traversed a web page that showed, at the bottom, an ad specializing in legal services for those who had been bitten by bedbugs in hotels. The headline said "Bed Bug Lawyers". I think this is one for the Martian Annals of Earth -- that collection of Terran idiosyncracies so extreme that they would make an Ancient One just shake his head in disbelief.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jun 06 - 11:37 AM

Why would I give you a dressing gown? And if I were to do so should it be mouse-colored so that you can wear it around Holmes? Or would you prefer another color -- a study in scarlet, perhaps, although that might make your skin sallow and give you a yellow face. What, son? I should stop needling you or I might become a man with a twisted lip?


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