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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 03 Oct 05 - 12:50 PM
Bunnahabhain 03 Oct 05 - 12:28 PM
MMario 03 Oct 05 - 12:21 PM
Acme 03 Oct 05 - 12:17 PM
Amos 03 Oct 05 - 12:04 PM
Rapparee 03 Oct 05 - 11:55 AM
MMario 03 Oct 05 - 11:11 AM
Rapparee 03 Oct 05 - 11:05 AM
MMario 03 Oct 05 - 11:01 AM
Rapparee 03 Oct 05 - 10:48 AM
Acme 03 Oct 05 - 10:25 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 02 Oct 05 - 11:17 PM
Acme 02 Oct 05 - 10:13 PM
Rapparee 02 Oct 05 - 09:08 PM
Bunnahabhain 02 Oct 05 - 06:07 PM
rumanci 02 Oct 05 - 05:16 PM
Bunnahabhain 02 Oct 05 - 04:37 PM
Acme 02 Oct 05 - 03:55 PM
Rapparee 02 Oct 05 - 02:16 PM
Bunnahabhain 02 Oct 05 - 01:08 PM
Little Hawk 02 Oct 05 - 12:38 PM
Acme 02 Oct 05 - 11:58 AM
rumanci 02 Oct 05 - 11:58 AM
Little Hawk 02 Oct 05 - 11:54 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 02 Oct 05 - 11:47 AM
Acme 02 Oct 05 - 10:11 AM
Rapparee 02 Oct 05 - 09:39 AM
Amos 02 Oct 05 - 09:21 AM
Rapparee 02 Oct 05 - 09:02 AM
Rapparee 02 Oct 05 - 09:01 AM
Rapparee 02 Oct 05 - 09:00 AM
Rapparee 02 Oct 05 - 09:00 AM
Rapparee 02 Oct 05 - 09:00 AM
Rapparee 02 Oct 05 - 08:53 AM
Amos 01 Oct 05 - 10:49 PM
Bunnahabhain 01 Oct 05 - 11:13 AM
Rapparee 01 Oct 05 - 11:03 AM
Amos 01 Oct 05 - 10:59 AM
Bunnahabhain 01 Oct 05 - 10:37 AM
Acme 01 Oct 05 - 09:32 AM
Bunnahabhain 01 Oct 05 - 07:53 AM
Acme 01 Oct 05 - 01:07 AM
Amos 30 Sep 05 - 11:13 PM
Rapparee 30 Sep 05 - 09:57 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 30 Sep 05 - 08:50 PM
Bunnahabhain 30 Sep 05 - 05:55 PM
Rapparee 30 Sep 05 - 05:36 PM
Acme 30 Sep 05 - 03:54 PM
Acme 30 Sep 05 - 10:02 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 30 Sep 05 - 12:08 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Oct 05 - 12:50 PM

Thankyouthankyou. You all know who who are. I can't waste my time giving each and every one of you the compliments you deserve, so here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 03 Oct 05 - 12:28 PM

I scandalized a Scandanavian on Saturday night by telling them I wanted to             , but only if they would let me             . Why does no-one believe me when I say I'm behaving myself?

I'll resist making any leper jokes. I'll just give others a hand with them....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 Oct 05 - 12:21 PM

Also Sandwich Citizen's Association (A now defunct political group in my hometown - but active when I first ran into Soc. for Creative Anachronism)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Oct 05 - 12:17 PM

For those addicted to this acro-speak, you should know that "SCA," in addition to standing in for "Society for Creative Anachronism" also stands for:

Scalable Computing Architecture

Scatological Collectors of America (I made that up)

Sun Color Amethyst

the Scottish Countryside Alliance

Sydney Catchment Authority

(to name a few).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Oct 05 - 12:04 PM

BE sure and send us a little nail every now and then...I think it's a great part for you.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Oct 05 - 11:55 AM

I wanna be a leper
I wanna be in parts...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 Oct 05 - 11:11 AM

I scandalized a SCAdian once by telling them I wanted to join the SCA but only if they would let me be an ignorant no-nothing lower class peon type.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Oct 05 - 11:05 AM

I still wanna join the SCA and be a leper.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 Oct 05 - 11:01 AM

the Legion has a rule about Pixie stompin'?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Oct 05 - 10:48 AM

Well, I was going to post the "Rules" that appear on the Legion Hovel walls (all of them, in lieu of wallpaper). But I agree with SRS. Should oughta be posted on a seperate thread.

As for that fairy poem, I've got it somewhere at home.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Oct 05 - 10:25 AM

If there is pixie stomping in that movie it's going to need at least an "PG" (Pixie Gore) rating.

BWL, pardon me for casting aspersions on what you consider "BS," but I think this is a good subject for an actual thread. You ought to take this one outside where readers otherwise intimidated by nearly 10,000 posts might actually read it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Oct 05 - 11:17 PM

I've recently discovered that John Travolta is playing a friend of mine in a movie!

Our university radio station (WUWF) does a locally produced four-hour acoustic music program on Sunday afternoons, and while I was listening to last Sunday's program a song about someone named Bobby Long came on. I had known a fellow named Bobby Long seventeen or eighteen years ago, but I just assumed that the songwriter's use of that name was coincidental. There must be a few thousand Bobby Longs in the US. But, as I listened to the song I started to get intrigued, wondering if it could be that Bobby Long. Then, when the singer mentioned that Bobby would deliver sermons about how Flannery O'Connor was the greatest American author, I knew it had to be the same guy.

Bobby Long was a poet, a drunk, a defrocked professor of literature, a philosopher, a retired US Marine Corps officer, and one of the craziest people I've ever known. We knew each other back when I was helping run a Friday night open mic in Pensacola. Bobby would sometimes recite his poetry, or the poetry of others, or sing unaccompanied, or deliver a mini-lecture about Flannery O'Connor or T.S. Eliot, or tell us why the girl in the front row that everybody knew as Susan was really named Lilith but just didn't know it.   Then, he'd go out in the parking lot, fix himself a fresh drink, and pontificate, philosophize and soliloquize to anyone who'd listen.

Well, it turned out that the song I had heard was written and performed by a fellow Floribamian named Grayson Capps. I recognized his name from having heard some of his other material on the same radio station and knew that he was originally from Brewton, Alabama, which is only about fifteen files from my house. The song mentioned that Bobby was a friend of Grayson's dad, and I knew that Bobby also lived in the Brewton/Atmore area.

So, being a curious fellow, I got on the Internet, found Grayson Capps' website and discovered that there's going to be a movie coming out in December called "A Love Song for Bobby Long" (which is the title of the song I had heard) in which John Travolta is playing my old friend Bobby. It seems that at one point in his career, Grayson was approached by an independent movie producer about doing some music for a film she was working on. In passing, she mentioned to Grayson that she was always looking for material upon which to base films and he remembered that his father, Everret Capps, had an unpublished manuscript of a book he had written based, in part, upon his friend Bobby Long. The producer apparently thought the manuscript was good enough to base a screenplay on and the rest, as they say, is history.

So now I'm patiently awaiting the release of this movie to see if there's any chance the Bobby Long in it will resonate with my memories of the crazy son of a bitch who used to recite his poem about the time he found a wee fairy frolicking in a flower bed. When he asked the little guy what he did all day, the fairy rattled off a laundry list of the types of cutesy activities one would expect a fairy to be involved in, ending up with "Well, whattaya think of that?", to which Bobby replied:

"'Well, I don't.
In fact, it makes my sick to hear such viscous drool.'
So I lifted up the heel of my boot,
And I crushed the Goddamned little fool."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Oct 05 - 10:13 PM

I have a Secret Santee! Gotta go do a little research. Not everyone wants a surprise visit from Gluon delivering their gift. I'd better find out if that might be overkill this year.

Okay, back to the produce aisle.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Oct 05 - 09:08 PM

Didja hear that Bill Whats-His-Name won some kinda award for being Best Supporter recently?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 02 Oct 05 - 06:07 PM

Oh yes, that thing we're waiting for turned up just now, disguised as an actor and singer, but not an alien to seduce or fight with in sight. I would say his standards are slipping, but I'm not sure if that's actually possible.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: rumanci
Date: 02 Oct 05 - 05:16 PM

bean there broadly speaking already....about time we all did a runner before the French arrive half baked


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 02 Oct 05 - 04:37 PM

I'm amaized at you lot, I really am. The Souperflous puns almost boil ovee sometimes....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Oct 05 - 03:55 PM

Corny. Very corny.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Oct 05 - 02:16 PM

Actually, I don't carrot all how Amos keeps his youthful looks, so lettuce carry on.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 02 Oct 05 - 01:08 PM

Getting closer to what, LH?

Anyone know where I can get some chisel resistant fingers? I'm going to be in trouble when she sees me all bandaged up. Again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Oct 05 - 12:38 PM

Getting closer....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Oct 05 - 11:58 AM

Well darn, BWL, you beet me to it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: rumanci
Date: 02 Oct 05 - 11:58 AM

You worry too much Little Hawk !
Shatner is well trained in being an exercise in futility
I bet it doesn't bother him half as much as you
:-D
rum


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Oct 05 - 11:54 AM

Less than 500 posts now before Shatner does post # 10,000.

What an exercise in futility.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Oct 05 - 11:47 AM

Nah! No goat glands and no vampirism. Mangelwurzels. A steady diet of nothing but mangelwurzels. Amos's house is the western terminal point of a secret intracontinental mangelwurzel pipeline that begins near his ancient home in Connecticut. You can't just walk into a Safeway in San Diego and buy mangelwurzels, you know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Oct 05 - 10:11 AM

Amos has been "around" for a while

But then, so have most of us. I can't find one for "Margaret" or "Maggie" that is a pure play today. I have a nice embroidered sampler from an ancestor, Bridget Hanley, who was 18 in 1853 in Kilfinin, County Limerick, Ireland.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Oct 05 - 09:39 AM

Amos is far older than he admits -- here is partial evidence of the theory I'm working on that he is actually either the Count St. Germaine or one of those legendary Wanderers, perhaps Lazaurus (note that both "Amos" and "Lazaurus" have the letters "A" and "S" in them. How he has lived this long is at this time unknown; vampirism is improbable, but the use of monkey or goat glands isn't. Clean living has been completely ruled out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Oct 05 - 09:21 AM

It's a fact of life that everyone has a price, and everyone is willing to cheapen themselves under the right sort of duress. It's just that some folks cheapen themselves more readily than others.

That said, the pursuit of rare numbers has an honorable heritage.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Oct 05 - 09:02 AM

Flaming Ted.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Oct 05 - 09:01 AM

not? Better me than


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Oct 05 - 09:00 AM

Why


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Oct 05 - 09:00 AM

hell.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Oct 05 - 09:00 AM

Oh


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Oct 05 - 08:53 AM

That's Walt Whitman's Song of Myself, Amos. It's one of those golden oldies. It's on his first album, A Whitman Sampler. It's a bit too sweet for my taste.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Oct 05 - 10:49 PM

Is that the one where he sings about himself? Bellamy, Bellamy Mucho?

Gluon brought me that CD for my birthday last month but I am damned if I know which universe he got it in!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 01 Oct 05 - 11:13 AM

I don't have any self control. Apparently this is a problem....

I do have a Peter Bellamy CD on. This may also be problem. Some of the keys could cause difficulties to any creature with sensitive hearing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Oct 05 - 11:03 AM

I shall not comment, not indulge in this punfest. I got self-control, I do.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Oct 05 - 10:59 AM

Unless he kills them off with Bosonic vinegar...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 01 Oct 05 - 10:37 AM

Has it rained recently? Well, not really. It rained last night, but this is Scotland, so unless it is raining at this moment, it's not rained recently.

I don't have a garden. I do need to pot up some of the house plants though. You think that'll do? I'll leave some saugages out as well, to be sure. I'll dig a big pit in front of them and cover it over with some loose carpet. I think the people downstairs are away, so they won't notice a hole in their ceiling.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Oct 05 - 09:32 AM

It's easy to attract an animal like that, but you'll need a little site preparation.

Has it rained lately where you live? If not, get out the sprinkler, and water well a patch of ground where you will put this trap. Then get out your spade fork and dig it up just as if you're putting in a garden. All dug up, go to your local nursery and find yourself an array of fall plants and a bag of mulch, and go plant that garden. Here's the trick: Don't put a fence around it. That dog will turn up soon enough to dig up your garden. If you're lucky, the plant roots will still hold their boxy shape from the container they came in and if they haven't been pulverized in the process you can stick them back in the dirt again after you capture Boson.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 01 Oct 05 - 07:53 AM

I tries talking to Gluon about the un-natural staes of MOAB. As a result, I am now waiting for therapy. The doctors tell me my legs should work fine in a few months time, but I may now set off airport X-ray machines due to the exotic properties of a gluon bite. I should also probably stay clear of major centres of goverment etc, as I could register as a Nuclear device in the wrong weather.
I am considering a cure involving Boson, to try and reverse some of these effects, but am not optimistic about either the treatment, or the probability of sucess. It also means I have to track down the animal in the first place. I have heard reports that it has been seen in New York. This is not useful.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Oct 05 - 01:07 AM

In other words, Amos will be back full time once he gets his rocks off (of his hands, that is).

So obvious! Hardly worth sending that one, aimed at jr high school level. See how desperate Friday nights have become!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Sep 05 - 11:13 PM

I apologize to your near-sighted, narrowminded jughead relative for any slight out fair city may have handed hi while he was in basic training, Rapaire.

As for mildew, you have it all wrong. We are essentially a desert environment blessed with sweet mists from the sea in early mornings and modern plumbing and irrigatijon, with stout mountains to the east, and lovely sea-currents running along our western borders. Mildew is for more tropical climes.

The flood was handled rapidly -- four days of dehumidifiers and giant blowers running day and night left the house as crisp as a zwieback. Now we have to figure out how to get it all put back together. Thank god for insurance, is all I can say.

I haven't had much spare time the last week. I have been hammering out guides to the care and use of fancy polyphonic receivers used in detecting underground pipes, wires and the like, eleven hours a day; in the evenings I have succeeded in finishing the base course and footer-layer of the wall that will be blending in with my waterfall when all is done. My hands are covered with stonedust and flecks of mortar. I ache like an octogenarian acrobat in a Massachusetts old-folks home in November. But the stones are slowly learning to go where I send them.

ANyway, as you can see I have made the error of letting too much reality slip into my timeline and will have to get some BS exchangers to re-balance the ficton load in my immediate vicinity. Forgive my apparent reticence; I could not love thee half so much, dear Mother, loved I not honor more.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Sep 05 - 09:57 PM

I was in an unnatural state once, but a few years of therapy straightened me right out and made me what I am today.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Sep 05 - 08:50 PM

The natural state of the MOAB is Arkansas. That's not to say that it's MOAB's only state, it's just the only natural one. There are an untold number of unnatural states in which the MOAB also exists, but you'll need to talk with Gluon about those.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 30 Sep 05 - 05:55 PM

If mildew is the natural state of San Diego, then what is the natural state of MOAB?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Sep 05 - 05:36 PM

Mildew is the normal state of San Diego. It provides them with great pleasure, watching it spread. There are also the mildew races at the local track -- the trifecta is particularily well thought of, I'm told.

I learned all of this from my nephew, late of the US Marine Corps, who trained in San Diego. He also had other things to say about the place which I will not repeat because of their scurrilous, ribald, and blatantly impossible nature.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Sep 05 - 03:54 PM

Amos, you've been scarce lately. A whole day has passed since we saw your face here. What's up--are your house and restoring things after a major flood more important than MOAB? What kind of priorities are those?

(I hope things dried quick enough to avoid mildew!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Sep 05 - 10:02 AM

They already do that. But before I read them your recommended book, I'm going to read them your essay from a while back. I envision them sprawled in the patio chairs, tongues lolling, laughing their asses off:

    Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
    From: Bee-dubya-ell - PM
    Date: 02 Dec 04 - 03:25 PM

    As some of you folks of above average deductive powers may have deduced, the "Zeke Floyd" posts made to this and other threads are totally bogus, spurious and fraudulent. Yes, I posted those messages! However, they are based upon fact. There really is a Zeke Floyd! I have actually met the man! I was so impressed, if that's the appropriate word, that I felt compelled to create a "Zeke Floyd" alter-ego and bring him to life here on the MOAB. Yet, as is often the case, truth is stranger than fiction and I am pleased to present the following true story of my experience with Zeke Floyd and his dogs.   

    As I was returning from my latest road trip, I noticed two dogs, a yellow female and a black and tan male, on the shoulder of the road a few hundred feet north of our driveway. When I stopped to check the mailbox the dogs must have thought I had stopped to interact with them in some fashion because they came loping down the road and up to the van as if they were expecting something. Having no use for dogs, I told them to get the hell away. I then drove down my quarter-mile-long driveway to the house and began unloading a few things from the van. So, what should appear in a few moments, snooping around and scaring my cats? You guessed it, the very same two dogs. I again told them to scram, whereupon they ran about fifty feet away and lie down in the middle of the driveway.

    Now, the road trip from which I had returned had been replete with dogs: my stepson's two exceedingly rambunctious half-grown Labradors, my parents' obsessive-compulsive dachshund, and my daughter's long-haired Chihuahua puppy which lives in her purse. I was completely dogged out and in the mood for feline companionship and these two strays had decided to take over my yard, sending my cats onto rooftops and into trees. It appeared that dogs had become part of my recent karma and that the karmic debt had not yet been paid in full.

    I was actively bemoaning my apparent fate when I noticed that the yellow female was wearing a collar. "Aha!" I thought to myself, "A collar means an owner, so these are lost dogs, not strays. All I need to do is contact the owner and he'll come get 'em." So, I attempted to coax the collar-wearing bitch to me so I could see if the collar had a tag with the owner's name and phone number. She came within a few feet and I could see a brass nameplate on the collar, but she wouldn't come quite close enough for me to actually grab the collar and read the thing. We played the approach-avoidance game for about fifteen minutes until I was actually able to grab the collar and read the name "Zeke Floyd" followed by a phone number. So, I went inside, called Mr. Floyd, and told him where his dogs could be found.

    Now, another thing I had done on that road trip from which I had just returned, in addition to visiting relatives with dogs, was to visit the Salvador Dali Museum in St. Petersburg, Florida. That brief but total immersion into the world of Surrealism couldn't hold a candle to the surreal scene that unfolded when Zeke Floyd came to get his dogs.

    The sun had gone down and darkness was upon the face of the homestead. I was outside with a flashlight so I could make sure Zeke's dogs didn't decide to go visit some other fool's place now that their owner was on his way to relieve me of them. I heard a vehicle in the driveway, saw headlights coming around the final curve and was greeted by the sight, sound and smell of a mid-1960's Dodge pickup truck with rattling body panels and clattering valve lifters emitting a cloud of noxious oily blue smoke. The driver didn't turn the engine off, presumably because he wasn't sure the thing would crank back up if he did so. The driver's side door creaked open and Zeke Floyd himself stepped out into the oil-smoke-impregnated atmosphere, carrying a ten-foot length of manilla rope in his right hand. If you want to know what Zeke looks like, just go to the "Kenny Tague" post below, click on the picture link, and imagine what Kenny would look like if he were sixty-five years old and had no teeth. "Howdy!" I said to Zeke in my best attempt at neighborliness, only to be totally ignored as he lunged for the yellow dog which skillfully squirmed away from his grasp. If I had been entertaining visions of some kind of happy reunion between adoring, trusting canines and their loving master, they were quickly put to rest. It was obvious that the dogs liked Zeke a lot less than they liked me, which was none at all. "Dammit, dawg!" Zeke hollered as he watched both his missed target and its companion run off down the driveway. He then climbed back into his smoking truck, nearly backed it into my own much newer and non-smoking Dodge pickup, and roared off down the driveway, never having acknowledged my existence in any fashion.      

    Well, I thought I'd seen the last of Zeke and his dogs at that point, but almost as soon as I had walked into the house I heard Zeke's truck heading back up the driveway. I stepped back outside, popped the flashlight back on, and there were the dogs again, having doubled back and given Zeke the slip. So a few seconds later the old Dodge slid back into the yard, Zeke jumped out and lunged for the yellow bitch again and, this time, snagged her by the collar. He proceeded to drag the whining dog to the back of the truck where he opened the tailgate and attempted to open the door of a plastic pet-carrier he had brought along. Since he couldn't let go of the struggling dog, I volunteered to get the carrier door open for him and, as soon as it was open, Zeke began trying to stuff the Labrador-sized dog into a the Spaniel-sized carrier. The entire operation was complicated by the fact that, during the time we'd been struggling with the pet-carrier door, the male dog had been overcome by a bout of lust and was busily screwing the bitch for all he was worth. Dogs! There he was, in a noisy, smoke-filled, tumultuous atmosphere, being recaptured by someone he obviously despised, and instead of hauling ass off into the woods where freedom was his for the taking, he decided to take the opportunity to knock off a piece while ol' Zeke held it by the collar. Talk about thinking with your dick!

    Anyway, Zeke separated the two dogs, stuffed the female into the undersized carrier, and grabbed the black and tan male by the scruff of the neck. I was expecting him to tie the second dog to the truck in some fashion or, maybe, put it up front in the cab with himself. But, no, he opened the pet-carrier door again and began stuffing the second dog into the already overstuffed plastic box. He got the critter in there somehow and closed the door, but sardines in a tin have never been packed tighter than those two dogs were. Then Zeke got back into his truck, nearly backed into my own truck again, and roared off down the driveway, never having spoken to me, made eye contact, nor uttered a word other than "dammit" and "dawg" the entire time he'd been there.

    And ya'll know this story's gotta be the truth 'cause I don't have a vivid enough imagination to make this kinda shit up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Sep 05 - 12:08 AM

And Toto too!

Stilly, perhaps it would help if you were to read to the dogs. Yes! Read them Clifford Simak's City!


(Brief synopsis just in case there's anyone in the world who's never read it...)

CITY was first published in 1952.

In a distant future, Earth is ruled by dogs. They are able to speak and they like to study the old legends describing a world ruled by Humans. These legends, that cover thousands of years, are about the Webster family who produced an impressive number of scientists and politicians during the course of time. They are also about Jenkins, a robot who served all the Websters who lived in the family home.

After having found a way to produce food for the entire population and master the atomic energy, Humans had started to leave the cities and to live without central governments. Later, when the first pioneers found out that life on Jupiter, after the necessary and adequate physical conditioning, was way better than on Earth, the whole population left the Earth, leaving it to mutants and homeless robots. Anticipating the inevitable decline of the human race, the scientist Jon Webster modified then the vocal cords of the dogs, trained them and asked Jenkins the robot to look after them in the future in order that the dogs avoid making the errors the human civilization did.


Synopsis by Daniel Staebler at www.allscifi.com. If you don't like the way it's written, don't come gunnin' for me.

One thing the reviewer doesn't mention is the idea of the "cobbly worlds" that are off-limits to human perception but of which dogs are fully aware. When multiple dogs begin howling or barking for no apparent reason it's because of something happening in the cobbly worlds. That's the part Stilly's dogs would really enjoy.


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