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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Bee-dubya-ell 06 Sep 05 - 10:38 PM
Rapparee 06 Sep 05 - 10:34 PM
Amos 06 Sep 05 - 10:33 PM
Acme 06 Sep 05 - 10:31 PM
Amos 06 Sep 05 - 02:42 PM
Acme 06 Sep 05 - 10:16 AM
Rapparee 06 Sep 05 - 09:19 AM
Amos 05 Sep 05 - 11:59 PM
Acme 05 Sep 05 - 11:32 PM
Rapparee 05 Sep 05 - 11:26 PM
Acme 05 Sep 05 - 11:21 PM
Acme 05 Sep 05 - 11:15 PM
Rapparee 05 Sep 05 - 11:10 PM
Rapparee 05 Sep 05 - 10:53 PM
Acme 05 Sep 05 - 10:31 PM
Rapparee 05 Sep 05 - 09:55 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 05 Sep 05 - 09:27 PM
Acme 05 Sep 05 - 08:17 PM
Rapparee 05 Sep 05 - 06:23 PM
Amos 05 Sep 05 - 06:08 PM
Acme 05 Sep 05 - 06:01 PM
JennyO 05 Sep 05 - 01:07 PM
Bunnahabhain 05 Sep 05 - 12:43 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 05 Sep 05 - 12:43 PM
Acme 05 Sep 05 - 12:37 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 05 Sep 05 - 12:05 PM
Bunnahabhain 05 Sep 05 - 11:52 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 05 Sep 05 - 11:46 AM
Amos 05 Sep 05 - 11:23 AM
Acme 05 Sep 05 - 10:52 AM
Amos 05 Sep 05 - 10:45 AM
Acme 05 Sep 05 - 10:36 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 05 Sep 05 - 10:30 AM
Acme 05 Sep 05 - 10:01 AM
Amos 05 Sep 05 - 09:54 AM
Bunnahabhain 05 Sep 05 - 05:14 AM
Acme 04 Sep 05 - 11:57 PM
Amos 04 Sep 05 - 03:27 PM
Acme 04 Sep 05 - 02:43 PM
Amos 04 Sep 05 - 12:19 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 04 Sep 05 - 12:04 PM
Amos 04 Sep 05 - 10:56 AM
Acme 04 Sep 05 - 01:05 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 Sep 05 - 04:57 PM
Acme 03 Sep 05 - 04:46 PM
Acme 03 Sep 05 - 10:19 AM
Rapparee 03 Sep 05 - 09:08 AM
Bunnahabhain 03 Sep 05 - 07:27 AM
Acme 02 Sep 05 - 04:52 PM
Amos 02 Sep 05 - 02:03 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 10:38 PM

I've seen pictures of Chinese men welding with pigshit!

Okay, they weren't really welding with pigshit. The pigshit was in an oxcart which was covered by a big plastic bag. The methane from the pigshit inflated the bag and was pressurized so it would flow through the welding hoses by simply putting a brick or two on top of the bag, causing it to slowly collapse. Probably wouldn't get hot enough to weld stainless steel, but it'd probably do brazing and cutting just fine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 10:34 PM

I'm sorry, but I can't come to the MOAB right now. If you'll leave your name, phone number and other relevant data, I'll get back to it as soon as possible.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 10:33 PM

Hey MOM!!

Where is everyone? I just hate it when you get left by yerself Mom. so I'm gonna hang around witchoo fer a bit.

OK witchoo, Mom? Huh? Hh? Eh?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 10:31 PM

It has been tough, with many tries and slogging my way through the muck of cyberspace to reach the MOAB this evening. Mom seems to be playing hard to get all of a sudden. I hope the thread hasn't reached a critical mass. I'd hate to think I was sending the last ever post to dear ol' Mom!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 02:42 PM

If we could capture the energy expended n deluging the American people with BS by advertisers, politicans and religonists, we could power the nation without any gasoline or oil at all; and it is obviously a renewable resource!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 10:16 AM

The solution to all of the world's energy problems will sooner or later boil down to capturing methane from pit toilets and composting everything else. I'll collect my millions billions for this idea as soon as I figure out how to patent it. There's so much other shit out there in the marketplace already I know it can be done.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Sep 05 - 09:19 AM

Amos, if you are suggesting that I pack my flashight or other battery-powered stuff with cow poop I'm gonna make a suggestion for you. A similar one, I admit, but that which is to be packed is different.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Sep 05 - 11:59 PM

Welcome back, man.

As to BS, while we have always suspected it might in some way save the planet, this intuitive suspicion has now been validated by no less an entity than Science itself:

"

It's electric: Cows show promise as powerplants



August 31, 2005
      
A new study suggests that some of the microorganisms found in cow waste may provide a reliable source of electricity.

Results showed that the microbes in about a half a liter of rumen fluid – fermented, liquefied feed extracted from the rumen, the largest chamber of a cow's stomach – produced about 600 millivolts of electricity. That's about half the voltage needed to run one rechargeable AA-sized battery, said Ann Christy, a study co-author and an associate professor of food, agricultural and biological engineering at Ohio State University.

While rumen fluid itself won't be used as an energy source, some of the microorganisms found in the fluid are also found in cow dung, which may prove to be a good source for generating electricity. In fact, in a related experiment, the researchers used cow manure directly to create energy for a fuel cell.

Using cow dung as an energy source isn't a new idea – some farmers already use the methane released by livestock waste to power machinery and lights. But converting methane into electricity requires costly equipment – one California farmer reportedly spent $280,000 to convert his operation to a methane digester system.

"Methane still needs to undergo combustion, which creates issues with energy efficiency," said Hamid Rismani-Yazdi, the study's lead author and a graduate student in food, agricultural and biological engineering at Ohio State.

The research showed how electricity can be created as the microorganisms in rumen fluid break down cellulose – a complex carbohydrate that is the primary component of the roughage that cows eat. That breakdown releases electrons. "

This gives new dimension to the Eveready menagerie, which will soon be taken over by mad cows.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Sep 05 - 11:32 PM

oh boy. You had to bite your tongue also, I see.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Sep 05 - 11:26 PM

No, but I've demonstrated distilling while in period clothing.

"Hey, they've got a still!" (No, it's a toilet for distance flushes.)

"Can I have some of that stuff coming out?" (Sure. Just lay under the end of the worm and open your mouth. Mind now, it's just a tad hot....)

"Is that a real gun?" (No, it's a toy caplock water gun.)

"Do you know where the bathroom is?" (Yes. Do you?)

"Is that a REAL fire?" (One of my favorites, and from an adult at that.)

Or things I've overheard:

"It's not a real bayonet, Maude. They wouldn't let them have real bayonets." (Wanna bet?)

"Wow. I didn't know you could eat blackberries!"

"They didn't have guns in the American Revolution, Henry. They hadn't been invented yet."

"Okay kids. This is Yorktown, where Grant surrendered to Lee."

"They're actors and they get paid a lot of money for doing this."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Sep 05 - 11:21 PM

Time to sit quietly and knit another snood, I think. Keep my head low. Sometimes, you know you should bite your tongue, but you hit "submit" anyway. People who want to knit pick should have the sense to go dig out their own "facts," not insist that the person they're calling wrong go do it. Prove their own goddamned points for themselves. . . .

Time for a glass of wine. And I need to put in another load of laundry, clean the cat box, and go shave my legs. Cool off before I wade back in. Or not.

It's good to have MOM to come home to!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Sep 05 - 11:15 PM

Rapaire, you have to get the lingo right. They're "turons" not "turoids." It's a cross (obviously) between "tourist" and "moron." A favorite park ranger term.

And have you ever read chapter four of Ed Abbey's Desert Solitaire? It was made for frustrated rangers (and written by one). All about industrial tourism.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Sep 05 - 11:10 PM

And they had not one, but TWO diffent types of cannon barrels there. I could have built my own 12 pounder or a three pounder, but would Pat let me buy even ONE cannon barrel? Nooooooooooooo. Would she let me buy a tiny little 1 inch swivel gun that had a nice spike you could stick into a stump or a post of your stockade? Nooooooooooooooo.

I even promised not to load it with ball or canister unless I got really, really annoyed with the neighbors, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Sep 05 - 10:53 PM

Well, they do perform somewhat of an educational function.

Personally, I'd rather touriods weren't invited. I went to the Portneuf Muzzleloaders Rondy earlier this year in the hills near Arimo (15 miles away, maybe). Lots nicer, and hardly anyone there except fellow members of the club. Very little public attendance, even if they would let you shoot a cannon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Sep 05 - 10:31 PM

I never could see the attraction of one of those over-attended events. As a park ranger I learned quickly to dread such gatherings and would head the opposite direction if I could get out of working at it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Sep 05 - 09:55 PM

Ft. Bridger, Wyoming??? It sits in middle of the town of Ft. Bridger, Wyoming. Normally there are flushables, but for this event they used the Standard Portable Hooter (SPH).

I am not exaggerating when I estimate 15 - 20 thousand folks there over the three days of the Rondy. Highlanders in kilts and armed with basket-hilted swords and pipes, mountain men (and women) wearing leather clothes (and the temp in the upper 80s!) and some in furs and wools, white folks re-enacting Indians, Indians (Blackfeet, Sioux, Shoshone, Ute, Paiute and others) dancing (and laughing, I suspect, at the white men pretending to be Indians), 18th Century breeches and a stockings, 19th century silk dresses and parasols, a couple of pre-1860 cowboys (!), kids, dogs, tipis, wedge tents, baker tents, wall tents, miner tents, flintlocks, caplocks, cannons, swords, knives, tomahawks.... And a good time was had by pretty much everyone.

Oh, yeah. Tourists. Touroids spending money and asking things like "Do you always dress like this?" and "Are you Robin Hood?" and "Do you take American Money?" (yes, and they also take Mastercard and Visa, usually). Motorcyclists -- lots and lots of them, as expected.

Once again, I refrained from pointing at someone walking around with a (flintlock) pistol in his or her belt and carrying a (flintlock) rifle and screaming "Jesus Christ! He's got a gun!" I would find it amusing, but Pat has threatened several forms of mayhem if I did it.

And, oh yeah, cops. Cops on horses, cops on ATVs, cops walking around. Modern cops, with .40 caliber semiauto handguns and mace and radios. There's A LOT of money going through one of this things...and there's always the druggies and thieves and drunks. (Ask yourself whether or not, if you were, say, a thief, you'd try to rob a dude who's carrying a tomahawk, knife, and possibly a rifle with an 18 inch bayonet -- but the cops are always around and it's a good thing, too!) So are the EMTs....

This was the first large-scale Western Rondy I've been too. Stacks up well with Hunters' Moon and Friendship.

Yes, Pat was asked what she did to her hand. Usually the person asking first looked to see if I had any damage and then asked the question. Unlike myself, Pat gave a straight answer: she made a 5-point landing on concrete. And she'd admit that I had nothing to do with it and that there was a witness to prove it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 Sep 05 - 09:27 PM

Looks and sounds like fun, Rap. I assume it was so far away from civilization that you couldn't even hear the flush of a distant toilet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Sep 05 - 08:17 PM

Welcome Back, Rapaire!



I had some left-over html from another thread, so I thought What the heck! I'll use it here!

Had a good time, did you? And how DID you explain Pat's injuries to the assembled crowd? Kicked by the family mule?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Sep 05 - 06:23 PM

I turn up on a Google search. Several times, in fact.

That being said, I have returned. Poorer, yes -- we began replacing the books on reenactment which we lost in the mail (1.5 boxes out of 63 -- not too bad). Things like the Books of Buckskinning 1 - 7. There weren't any at the Ft. Bridger Rondy, books of buckskinning I mean, but we were able to buy about USD 70.00 worth, and it's a start.

Musically it was pretty good, too. I felt sorry for one singer, up there in the gazebo, playing his guitar and singing to no audience at all because it was rainning.

I didn't do any shooting and we didn't even take out reenactment clothes with us (but these pictures might give you an idea; Jill is a friend and Quilt Guild mate of Pat's). I did buy a new hat; I wore my old one in the rain and it shrank so that it only covers the point of my head.

I trust Mom behaved herself in my absence and didn't sneak off to The Cock and Balls muzzleloaders' bar for a few libations, etc.?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Sep 05 - 06:08 PM

BS is not somehting to get flushed about. A quick search says:

Results 1 - 10 of about 567 English pages for +Amos +Mudcat. (0.28 seconds)

28 centiseconds is pretty fast. A lot faster than FOADT.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Sep 05 - 06:01 PM

So, are people flushed with excitement at the prospect of turning up in Google?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 05 Sep 05 - 01:07 PM

I just checked Google and it was one of my posts - very strange. I myself mentioned the flush of a distant toilet a number of times, and I was not the first person to mention the flush of a distant toilet.

"The flush of a distant toilet" was a phrase coined by Ebbie on this thread Advice Sought -How to Hijack a Thread , which was started by none other than your own Khing Khandu (posts are out of order of course). It contains some of the finest BS outside of the MOAB, including many fine examples of poetry about the flush of a distant toilet, the distant sounds of toilets flushing, the flushing sound of distant toilets, and distant sounds of toilets flushing - distantly.

Gems such as this:

I dropped the pasta in the pan
All meaning for to boil it
But I was interrupted by
The flush of a distant toilet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 05 Sep 05 - 12:43 PM

You're better off not knowing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 Sep 05 - 12:43 PM

Gee, I dunno, Maggie. But it's been mentioned three times so far in this thread.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Sep 05 - 12:37 PM

I guess I've been reading the wrong threads. Where has the "flush of a distant toilet" appeared?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 Sep 05 - 12:05 PM

By the way, after all the many times "flush of a distant toilet" has been used recently on the Mudcat it only yields one* hit on Google. We must do something about that! All are urged to post the phrase to as many other Web forums as possible.


* Actually three hits, but they're all the same Mudcat post, just on different servers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 05 Sep 05 - 11:52 AM

I heard the first part of Stilly's sentence drifting on the breeze, but the rest was drowned out by the flush of a distant toilet.

It does sound like a perfect description of waking up Crystal though, especially if order is defined as bringing breakfast in bed...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 Sep 05 - 11:46 AM

In my post of 10:30 AM, Sept. 5, I used the term "above-mentioned". Well, since just about everybody doubtlessly accesses the MOAB in descending order, should that be "below-mentioned"? Or should we not make any assumptions and call it "above-mentioned for those viewing in ascending order/below-mentioned for those viewing in descending order" thus covering any and all eventualities and providing a modicum of protection from those who would pick nits? Or should we content ourselves with worrying about hunger, genocide, imperialism, xenophobia and the price of widgets and let the "above or below" thing slide?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Sep 05 - 11:23 AM

BEst-Beloved Wyffe!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Sep 05 - 10:52 AM

BBW?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Sep 05 - 10:45 AM

That said, however, it is immensely satisfying to see the beneficial results off a lot of work, dispelling Ugliness and Imposing Beauty ... well, at least, order. An excellent birthday present for the BBW.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Sep 05 - 10:36 AM

Okay. I just read it out loud. Now it has been spoken.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 Sep 05 - 10:30 AM

I beg your pardon, Maggie, but there is no evidence that the above-mentioned unspoken rule has been spoken. It has been conceived, typed, uploaded, downloaded and read, but it remains unspoken until someone actually says it out loud. As far as we know Amos has not actually spoken the words, just typed them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Sep 05 - 10:01 AM

That sounds like an unspoken rule of remodeling, Amos. And now it HAS been spoken. Amazing!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Sep 05 - 09:54 AM

My bones are aching and my knuckles are lined with caulk and touch-up paint. It is mazing, is it not, how fixing one thing in a mess suddenly brings a hundred lesser evils into plain sight,t hat had not been seen before? Order seems to unleash confusion from its sleep.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 05 Sep 05 - 05:14 AM

Moad suits my mood this morning.... tried and sleepy for no reason.

COFFEE!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Sep 05 - 11:57 PM

Mom, you're slipping. Feeling a little down because Rapaire isn't back yet?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Sep 05 - 03:27 PM

Bent wood would wind up playing a part. Unless this is a bentwood windup. That would rock the house indeed.

Served with thin-sliced ham on a French bun, we would have bentwood wind rock and roll!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Sep 05 - 02:43 PM

For the sake of a pun, many rules are bent. For the sake of our musical collection, we haven't bent so far as to purchase any recordings of Mr. G playing any instrument.

It is an interesting exercise to consider what he might do with other wind instruments. Bagpipes, for example. Do you think he'd be trampled to death before finishing his first practice session, or when he tried to begin the second?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Sep 05 - 12:19 PM

You would wind up making that point!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 Sep 05 - 12:04 PM

Not that it matters, but the instrument with which Kenny G spreads his insipidity is the soprano saxophone, not the Clair-net. They are both ill winds that nobody blows good.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Sep 05 - 10:56 AM

I thought Clair-net was some kind of a "do-holder" from the folks at Clairol hair products. No?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Sep 05 - 01:05 AM

He doesn't need the Inter-net. He has the Clair-net. That reaches almost as far.









(and misspelling doesn't count in puns)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Sep 05 - 04:57 PM

NEWSFLASH!!!

It has been revealed on another Web forum (which shall remain anonymous, of course) that MOAB founder "khandu" is, in fact, a well known though notoriously insipid pop music icon. CLICK!

Now we understand why though everyone knows that "khandu"'s real name is "Kenny", nobody knows his last name. It's because he doesn't have one! It's just a single letter, not a real name!

It also explains "khandu"'s periodic lengthy absences from the Mudcat. No, they're not due to having an away-from-home job or even due to periodic hospitalizations for "nervous disorders". They're just due to his being on tour in countries such as Botswana where Internet service is less reliable than in Mississippi. Musical icons on their downslides have to go wherever people still think they're cool, ya know. Carnegie Hall today, a mosquito-ridden dump in Belize tomorrow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Sep 05 - 04:46 PM

I don't like to do push-ups, so I cranked up the computer to check on Mom. She's okay, but it has been a quiet afternoon. A little activity here as the village fire truck and ambulance and some other emergency vehicle just raced up the street. Banana bread is baking (had to use up those over-ripe bananas) and I'm getting ready to move the truck and run a couple of errand$. Exciting life here in MOAB this weekend, eh?

My super-speedy and cast-iron-stomach dog Cinnamon will be keeping me company as I work in the garage later. If Gluon wants to come around then he can bounce off the walls and hop in her pool with her. I don't have many more plastic pots to offer up for him to chew, she has demolished most of them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Sep 05 - 10:19 AM

It'll be interesting to hear how he explains Pat's injuries to this group. We'll expect a report back from the Rendezvous that she appeared as a frontier woman kicked by her mule or who was bruised up fighting off a grizzly bear or a berserk Attwater Prairie Chicken.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Sep 05 - 09:08 AM

Dear Mom:

Pat and I are going to go here. We'll be back on Monday.

So, Mom, I'm going to leave you in the somewhat-capable hands of Others. I know that you don't quite trust them, but remember that I'll be back and if I find that you haven't been treated well There Will Be Consquences. I will press charges, swear out warrants, track them down, and in general make those responsible sorry for their actions (or lack thereof).

Have a wonderful time, Mom. Wish you were here.

R


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 03 Sep 05 - 07:27 AM

We're letting MOM slip again.

100 push-ups each before breakfast


It's a hard life sometimes. One of the dance groups I'm got given a few kegs of beer a few weeks back , at the end of a festival, and they're short-dated. There's a normally boring meeting coming up. There is a plan afoot to solve two problems in one go....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Sep 05 - 04:52 PM

MMario, did you see the title The Thin Potter Man Keeps the Aspidistra Aloft--I believe it was only released in brail.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Sep 05 - 02:03 PM

Those are excellent titles, MM. I think you should move in with BWL, using him as an inspiorational role model, and craft the whole series. You could retire in affluence before you turn 41 and 1/2!~!

A


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