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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 11 Aug 05 - 07:33 PM
Acme 11 Aug 05 - 04:11 PM
Acme 11 Aug 05 - 03:59 PM
Amos 11 Aug 05 - 03:39 PM
MMario 11 Aug 05 - 01:32 PM
Amos 11 Aug 05 - 01:17 PM
MMario 11 Aug 05 - 12:14 PM
Amos 11 Aug 05 - 12:05 PM
MMario 11 Aug 05 - 10:52 AM
Amos 11 Aug 05 - 10:48 AM
MMario 11 Aug 05 - 10:25 AM
Amos 10 Aug 05 - 08:18 PM
Acme 10 Aug 05 - 07:02 PM
Amos 10 Aug 05 - 03:01 PM
Amos 10 Aug 05 - 02:08 PM
rumanci 10 Aug 05 - 01:46 PM
Acme 10 Aug 05 - 01:39 PM
Amos 10 Aug 05 - 10:31 AM
MMario 10 Aug 05 - 09:05 AM
Amos 10 Aug 05 - 08:58 AM
rumanci 10 Aug 05 - 08:55 AM
MMario 10 Aug 05 - 08:50 AM
Amos 10 Aug 05 - 12:29 AM
Amos 09 Aug 05 - 11:39 PM
Amos 09 Aug 05 - 03:45 PM
rumanci 09 Aug 05 - 03:39 PM
Amos 09 Aug 05 - 03:02 PM
MMario 09 Aug 05 - 02:58 PM
Acme 09 Aug 05 - 02:55 PM
Amos 09 Aug 05 - 01:24 PM
Bunnahabhain 09 Aug 05 - 01:05 PM
Amos 09 Aug 05 - 12:53 PM
Acme 09 Aug 05 - 10:25 AM
Amos 09 Aug 05 - 09:56 AM
Little Hawk 09 Aug 05 - 01:34 AM
Rustic Rebel 09 Aug 05 - 12:24 AM
Amos 08 Aug 05 - 11:36 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 08 Aug 05 - 09:27 PM
Amos 08 Aug 05 - 08:39 PM
Bunnahabhain 08 Aug 05 - 01:57 PM
Amos 08 Aug 05 - 01:37 PM
Acme 08 Aug 05 - 12:59 PM
Acme 08 Aug 05 - 01:28 AM
Amos 07 Aug 05 - 11:56 PM
Acme 07 Aug 05 - 11:29 PM
Rustic Rebel 07 Aug 05 - 08:31 PM
Amos 07 Aug 05 - 07:16 PM
Acme 07 Aug 05 - 07:00 PM
Amos 07 Aug 05 - 06:43 PM
Rustic Rebel 07 Aug 05 - 04:49 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Aug 05 - 07:33 PM

It is possible that puissons should be pourrions.   It seems to be untranslateable throughout the change-stream.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Aug 05 - 04:11 PM

Into Portugese:
A mãe de toda a merda, o hearth do tenderness e a vida, derramam o amor que queima-se com que charmed a terra, e, quando uma se está encontrando no vale, um sente que a terra é nubile e transborda do sangue; Que seu centro immense, levantado por um coração, é do amor como o deus, carne como a mulher. E isso que contem, sap e raios grandes, o swarming grande de todos os embriões! Passe-me assim lápis dos melharucos do meu p '! Porque não são agudos! Desde que nós os puissons a remanescer nos fixamos nos braços da mãe.

then into French:

La mère de toute l'excrément, hearth de la tenderness et la vie, renversent l'amour qui se brûle avec que charmed la terre, et, quand un se trouve dans la vallée, un sent que la terre est nubile et transborde du sang ; Que son centre immense, soulevé par un coeur, est de l'amour comme le dieu, la viande comme la femme. Et cela qui compteront, sap et rayons grands, les swarming grand de tous embryons ! Il passe m'ainsi crayon des mésanges de mon p '! Parce que ce ne sont pas aigus ! Depuis que nous les puissons reste dans eux nous fixons dans les bras de la mère.

then into Italian:

La madre di tutto l'escremento, hearth della tenderness e la vita, invertono l'amore che si brucia con che charmed la terra, e, quando uno si trova nella valle, sente che la terra è nubile e trasborda del sangue; Che il suo centro immenso, sollevato da un cuore, è un amore come il dio, la carne e la donna. E ciò che conteranno, sap e raggi grandi, i swarming grande di qualsiasi embrione! Lo passa così matita cincie di mio p '!' Perché non sono acuti! Da quando puissons resta in loro noi fissiamo nelle braccia della madre.

Back into English:

Mother of all excrement,
hearth of tenderness and life,
inverts love that burns with that charmed the earth,
and, when finds in goes them,
feels that the earth is marriageable and trasborda of the blood; That its immense center,
raised from a heart,
is a love like the God,
the meat and the woman.
And that that they will count, sap and great beams,
the swarming large of whichever embryo!
It passes therefore matita cincie of mine p '!'
Because they are not acute!
From when puissons he remains in they we fix in the arms of the mother.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Aug 05 - 03:59 PM

This is what Babelfish spewed out:

The Mother of Any Shit,
the hearth of tenderness and life,
Pours the love burning with the which charmed ground,
And, when one is lying on the valley,
one feels That the ground is nubile and overflows of blood;
That its immense centre, raised by a heart,
Is of love like god, flesh like the woman.
And that it contains, large sap and rays, the great swarming of all the embryos!
Thus pass to me my p' tits pencils!
Because they are not acute!
Since we puissons to remain secure
In the arms of the Mother.

And of course, you know where this can lead. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Aug 05 - 03:39 PM

Well, I may as well confess it...the original -- up to the crayons part -- is from Artur Rimbaud, the mad French poet. But I adapted it to the greater purpose of Raising Mother.

I figger the end justifies the means, where Mom is concerned.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Aug 05 - 01:32 PM

d*mn me! I was right...you WERE talking crayons!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Aug 05 - 01:17 PM

Oh, okay, seeing as you posted all struckout, I'll take it back too.

Here's a translation, I think:

The Mother of All Excrement, birthplace of tenderness and Life,
Throws burning love at the parched Earth,
And, lying in a valley, you can feel
That the Earth grows nubile and swollen with blood;
That her immense bosom, uplifted by a soul,
Is to love, god-like, and to flesh, like a woman.
And surrounds, rich in energy and warm beams,
The earthen nest of all our embryos!
So pass me my wee crayons,
For they are blunt, not sharp!
So that we may rest safe
In the arms of the Mother.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Aug 05 - 12:14 PM

Now Amos, don'tr be gettin' your dandruff rough dander up. You know I don't have a thorugh edjumacation in the finer arts - sometimes you just go over my head.

I like the line about the tenderness of veal though - good way to start.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Aug 05 - 12:05 PM

Geeze, thanks, MM. You guys are getting top billing in my will. LOL!!!

Here I am trying to support the Mother with all I've got, and all I hear is that it ain't very satisfactory.

Well, ok. I can retire to my brown study, and offer an occasional insipid remark or perhaps inject an unattributed bit of highbrow plagiarism every now and then. I can't take my marbles and go home, since the consensus is I have already lost 'em. Mebbe there's a spare birth on that Slime Boat where Rapaire is working.   

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Aug 05 - 10:52 AM

gee - give the guy some encouragement and all of a sudden he's talking forcemeat of embryos , nubile terrorist and de birdies singing. there's something in there about passing me the spitting crayons too.

I think his meds may need adjusting again.

Nurse!

Nurse!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Aug 05 - 10:48 AM

La MEre de Toute Merde, le foyer de tendresse et de vie,
Verse l'amour brûlant à la terre ravie,
Et, quand on est couché sur la vallée, on sent
Que la terre est nubile et déborde de sang;
Que son immense sein, soulevé par une âme,
Est d'amour comme dieu, de chair comme la femme.
Et qu'il renferme, gros de sève et de rayons,
Le grand fourmillement de tous les embryons !
Passez-moi donc mes p'tits crayons!
Car ils ne sont point aigus!
Puisque nous puissons rester secure
Dans les bras de la Mere.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Aug 05 - 10:25 AM

Morning Mom! Come on! rise and shine! It's time to (as Dolly Levi reminds us) to spread a little fertilizer around !


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Aug 05 - 08:18 PM

Good thing ya cracked a smile right there at the end, Mag, or I woulda had to shift into High German, which I don't know.

Either that or Third Degree Burns (Wen a' the woorild cann mak ye smoile....).

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Aug 05 - 07:02 PM

Showoff! :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Aug 05 - 03:01 PM

A ladye theyre was too, ande moste fayre
Whose postings alle beleevd were all too Rayre
In Luhve and Passion none could Her surpasse
Of featyure fine and fair of fayce, this Lasse.

She alle men did surprise, by saying sure
That alle unloved Squeejes should to Her
Be sente post-haste that she with care and Hugges
Could soon revive them of their Rubbery Bugges
Undo theyre Wuden Natures and By love of Maid
To vibrant gentle Squeejes changed she they!

This maiden fayre, Rusticke yclept, in sooth
Knew well Alle Squuejes, and bespoke fulle trooth.
And thene Mysteriouslie Vanished, like unto a Mouse
So fulle withe Squeejes were here Maylebox and her House!
Buried in Squeejes, yet she shalle Prevayle
So fulle her hearte, which telles the Richer Tale

Though she with Sueejes now her Tyme doth burne
YEt shall she Once Agayne returne,
Like to Faiyre Venus, known as Even Star,
When all such squeejes full revived are.

The Handmaiden's Tale, from
"Lost Subtexts of Chaucer",
Oregano, Thyme, Cadwallader, eds.
Wiley Evasions, Inc. New York, 1959


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Aug 05 - 02:08 PM

DIgesting Alaskans? Does one bake them, or serve them as mush? Do they put hair on your chest and make you husky? Yukon always tell someone whose been eating Alaskans. He has furry teeth.

A

FORGIVENESS

To understand
is to forgive,
even oneself.

Alexander Chase

(I may need this sentiment at this rate!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: rumanci
Date: 10 Aug 05 - 01:46 PM

Rapaire swooped into Chat briefly a couple of days ago

Internet access is sparse and dodgy for him ........or maybe Alaskans are just worred about being catalogued by him for future digestion here when they'd rather stay reserved   ??

hmmmm
lol


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Aug 05 - 01:39 PM

If anyone steps forward and wants to claim your work, be careful. They might try to impound your doggerel pound.

Anyone heard from Rapaire lately?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Aug 05 - 10:31 AM

A loverly vision, MM! Thanks for the enthusiasm, it means much!

Maybe I should illustrate them with little cartoons. LOL. Kill some trees and add to the great human Landfill Of Studied Irrelevancies!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 10 Aug 05 - 09:05 AM

"The Doggerel Pound" sound like a working title to me.

jayzus, tho' Amos! If people can make money off things like '101 uses for a dead cat' - a collection of your one-offs should make a mint!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Aug 05 - 08:58 AM

Thank you, MM, for your most kind comment.

If such an effort were made, and such a collection created, it would enable all my wee sparks to sit with each other in one place, instead of being scattered hither and yon -- a sort of doggerel pound. I am sure it would make all the little doggerels happier, although it would not much improve the world. It suggests a new song to celebrate the notion, Git ALong, Ya Li'l Doggerels, which I am sure you saw coming a few moments ago.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: rumanci
Date: 10 Aug 05 - 08:55 AM

wot ?????????

you mean they're not genuine ?

OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO


I've been scouring bookshops high and low for them ........sigh


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Subject: OT:serious comment
From: MMario
Date: 10 Aug 05 - 08:50 AM

y'know, Amos - some serious consideration should be given to collecting all your little snippets etc such as 'Songs from the Aincient Chandeliers' and making a little collection of them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Aug 05 - 12:29 AM

Hasty correction to the second verse which a poor, starving copy-clerk miscopied, for which he suffered a month on a diet of goose-quill shavings and thickened copy-book ink.

From men and dogs and ghosts

as anyone can naturally see from the scansion, should read:

From women, men and dogs and ghosts

The work will now conform with the original notes from Garibaldi's field collection efforts.

With due apologies,


Gudgeon, Gunter and Pintle, Pubs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 11:39 PM

THere was a thread hung on a site,
Away, the gallant Mudcat-O
Where lubbers posted day and night
And say farewell to the MOAB-O!

And on this thread there was many a post!
Away, the gallant Mudcat-O
From men and dogs and ghosts
Rise again, again, the MOAB-O

And when them lubbers was asleep
Away, the gallant Mudcat O
This thread she slipped into the deep
Come rise again, the MOAB-O!

There was a topmast man just there
Away the gallant Mudcat O
And he seized her by her silvery hair
And raised again the MOAB O!

Now she lies sleeping on the hard
Away the gallant Mudcat O
Saved by a hand from a tops'l yard
Come rise again the MOAB O!

So, sailors learn once and for all
Away, the gallant Mudcat O!
Be 'ware lest yer sainted Mother fall,
And rise again, the MOAB O!

Songs from the Ancient Chandeliers
Collected by Wilhelmina Garibaldi, 1928
From the singing of Bathtub Topsailmen
Gudgeon, Gunter and Pintle , New Bedford, 1932


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 03:45 PM

I ain't chewin' him, Maw -- he's me bruvver!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: rumanci
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 03:39 PM

Hey Amos !!!

Ain'tcha chewed .....errrrr Rap enough ?
I bet he's back at the doublet now


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 03:02 PM

Sages are like that, man .... always seeing through stuff, and wiley in the ways of the world.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 02:58 PM

no - that's just Peter, my pouch mouse!

Wait-a-minute!

Who told you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 02:55 PM

"Is that a cod in your piece, or are you just glad to see me?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 01:24 PM

Mercutio:

Now to thy several stations, do repair
And to your Mother with brave postings mind
To raise with merriment and rhyme her features kind,
Until repaired to us is bold Rapaire.
Hark! I hear footsteps on the stair!
'Tis he! 'Tis he! Now welcome bold Rapaire.

(Enter Rapaire stage left, dripping with malodourous slime).
(He collapses center stage, gasping)


Jester (sings):

Bold Rapaire would a sliming go
Hey and nonny, nonny ho!
Out on the oceans dark with snow
With a nonny, nonny, hey!
And when his bark was tossed by storms
Hey and nonny, nonny ho!
He swore if spared, he would reform
With a nonny, nonny, hey!

And spared was he in God's own time,
Hey and nonny, nonny ho!
And stumbleth home, all wet with slime!
To me nonny, nonny, hey!
But if he cleanetheth up, I wot,
Hey and nonny, nonny ho!
He'll be the same, reforméd not!
With a nonny, nonny
Nonny no nonny
Nonny nonny hey!

Rapaire gasps and throws half a rotten salmon, drawn from his tunic, at the Jester, who ducks away and skips off stage right humming).

Rapaire:

Aw, shit.

Finis


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 01:05 PM

What is wrong with Mom? I keep finding her at the bottom of the list. We need more poetry. Or things resembling poetry anyway...

Poetry, or wizardry,
Or maybe serindipity,
To rescue Mom,
From depths Glum,
And disgraceful obscurity.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 12:53 PM

Rapaire's run off to Fiji
To marry with a squeegee
He's gonna spend his life out in the shade;
Living on bananas
And dreaming of mananas
And worrying about his rubbery blade.

His plan seemed like a good 'un
His wife said he was wooden
And she didn't want a blade all made of rubber
So he said he'd go off sliming
But, thanks to clever timing
He's off to Polynesia with anubber!
CHO:

Squuuueeegee me in Fiji!
Playin' lord and liegey!
Gettin' down and dancin' in the sun!
Where the tides are gentle
And the ladies drive you mental
Come along and be my squeegee one!

Oh, squeegee me in Fiji!
Baby woncha squeejee
Until I have lost all track of time!
Keep your blade a stroking
Baby, I'm not jokin'
Squeegee 'til I climb out of the slime!

....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 10:25 AM

Isn't Rapaire finished sliming and squeegeeing yet? Where is he, anyway? He didn't really abuse the library color copier, I hope. . .or I know how to answer the next part of that question. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 09:56 AM

IF you have any of them, please UPS them to RR for hugging. It will restore the blades and make the wooden parts much mor elively.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 01:34 AM

You think?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 12:24 AM

I believe a squilgee is actually a forlorn family of the squeegee. It just hasn't been hugged enough.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 05 - 11:36 PM

Well, when he cleans up he can come back in; have yerself a helluva prosperous time at the airshow!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 Aug 05 - 09:27 PM

Hi, Mom!

Just thought I'd stop in and say "Hi!" I'll be gone away for a couple of weeks. Doing a four-day art/craft show in northern Indiana this weekend and a three-day show in St. Louis next weekend. See ya when I get back.

Wonder if Rapaire uses a squilgee in his new job as a slimer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 05 - 08:39 PM

No great recommendation, but BWL can't stamp no documents 'cuz he ain't no tree public!

Rise up, Momma, and show the world yer petticoats!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 08 Aug 05 - 01:57 PM

Don't worry, he'll always be less wooden than Shatner...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 05 - 01:37 PM

Well, see, in the spatula episode he didn't have to suffer the splinters of outrageous fortune in the form of pointed remarks about rubber blades and being wooden.

I think he is operating on the premise that discretion is the better part of squeegee.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Aug 05 - 12:59 PM

Mom, you're looking a little low. Are you sad about Jennings also? Or maybe you wish BWL would pick up the squeegee mantle and run with it, like he did with the spatula episode?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Aug 05 - 01:28 AM

You had to take a rather sharp left to arrive at that one, didn't you? I hope you didn't crane your neck in the process. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 05 - 11:56 PM

You lasses are opening up a can of...umm...worms here. Spaw might show up. Woody have some remarks to add, d'ye think?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Aug 05 - 11:29 PM

There's a song about that: Wooden It be Loverly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 07 Aug 05 - 08:31 PM

A wooden lover is another interesting thought. Sends slivers down my back.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 05 - 07:16 PM

Or better, google "etymology +squeegee" which produces this tidbit:

squeegee
"wooden scraping instrument with a rubber blade," 1844, a nautical word, perhaps from squeege "to press" (1782), an alteration of squeeze.

squeeze
c.1600, probably an alteration of quease (c.1550), from O.E. cwysan "to squeeze," of unknown origin, perhaps imitative (cf. Ger. quetschen "to squeeze"). Slang expression to put the squeeze on (someone or something) "exert influence" is from 1711. Baseball squeeze play first recorded 1905. Main squeeze "most important person" is attested from 1896; meaning "one's sweetheart, lover" is attested by 1980.

So!   a squeegee is a wooden lover with a rubbery blade, I guess, huh?

:D

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Aug 05 - 07:00 PM

When in doubt, Google "Define: Squeegee".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 05 - 06:43 PM

I think it is a commercial term dreamed up by marrying "squeeze" and "gee!".

Glad your head is ok!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 07 Aug 05 - 04:49 PM

Sitting upstairs I hear the jars popping, like a 'vacuum' seal. This also has nothing to do with crotches or black holes or salmon patties.
I do have a pondering thing going on though... That would be squeegees. Where did that word come from? I'm thinking from the sound a squeegee makes but I don't believe it. Maybe it's squeezing water and someone said, "Gee-this thing squeezes water-gee, that's pretty cool shit."
Then if that where true it should be called a squeezewatergee.
Squeegee is almost as weird as spatula.


PS.-I had no headache Amos, thanks for your kind concern!


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