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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

GUEST 02 May 05 - 09:30 AM
Rapparee 02 May 05 - 09:26 AM
Rapparee 02 May 05 - 09:24 AM
GUEST,MMario 02 May 05 - 09:18 AM
Rapparee 02 May 05 - 09:11 AM
Amos 02 May 05 - 09:04 AM
Acme 02 May 05 - 01:14 AM
Rapparee 01 May 05 - 10:12 PM
Bunnahabhain 01 May 05 - 10:02 PM
Rapparee 01 May 05 - 07:39 PM
Rapparee 01 May 05 - 05:32 PM
GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell 01 May 05 - 05:17 PM
Rapparee 01 May 05 - 05:03 PM
Amos 01 May 05 - 02:01 PM
Acme 01 May 05 - 11:19 AM
Rapparee 01 May 05 - 11:10 AM
Rapparee 01 May 05 - 11:01 AM
Amos 01 May 05 - 08:11 AM
Rustic Rebel 01 May 05 - 04:02 AM
Acme 30 Apr 05 - 11:45 PM
Rapparee 30 Apr 05 - 10:43 PM
Rapparee 30 Apr 05 - 10:42 PM
Rapparee 30 Apr 05 - 10:42 PM
Rapparee 30 Apr 05 - 10:42 PM
Rapparee 30 Apr 05 - 10:41 PM
Rapparee 30 Apr 05 - 09:52 PM
Amos 30 Apr 05 - 07:50 PM
GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell 30 Apr 05 - 07:22 PM
Amos 30 Apr 05 - 03:28 PM
Rapparee 30 Apr 05 - 01:45 PM
GUEST 30 Apr 05 - 12:25 PM
GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell 30 Apr 05 - 10:57 AM
GUEST,Rapairus Ora Cloaca 30 Apr 05 - 10:29 AM
Amos 30 Apr 05 - 09:41 AM
GUEST,Bee-dubya_ell 30 Apr 05 - 07:41 AM
Acme 30 Apr 05 - 01:59 AM
Rustic Rebel 30 Apr 05 - 01:49 AM
Rapparee 29 Apr 05 - 10:39 PM
GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell 29 Apr 05 - 09:55 PM
Bunnahabhain 29 Apr 05 - 08:07 PM
Bunnahabhain 29 Apr 05 - 08:05 PM
Amos 29 Apr 05 - 07:45 PM
Bunnahabhain 29 Apr 05 - 07:30 PM
Rapparee 29 Apr 05 - 07:20 PM
GUEST,MMario 29 Apr 05 - 01:37 PM
Acme 29 Apr 05 - 10:27 AM
Amos 29 Apr 05 - 09:03 AM
GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell 29 Apr 05 - 08:34 AM
GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell 29 Apr 05 - 08:32 AM
Rapparee 29 Apr 05 - 08:12 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 02 May 05 - 09:30 AM

lcan we make that "aural" then - because lip reading certainly can be described as "oral" *grin*


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 May 05 - 09:26 AM

I hasten to point out that I'm differentiating between oral, manual, pictographic, written, telephatic, kinetic, and other forms of communication.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 May 05 - 09:24 AM

Strictly speaking, "non-verbal" would mean "without words" (latin verbum = english word).

I'm not at all sure how you can communicate without words, since each "word" equates to a "concept" you're trying to convey. I don't think it could be done.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 02 May 05 - 09:18 AM

you mean non-verbal communication, don't you? oral would be fine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 May 05 - 09:11 AM

Please, Amos! You'll offend!

...but willing, adorable conversationalists is far better and far less offensive, as long as you include in the definition of "conversationalist" those who use ASL, writing, and other non-oral forms of communication.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 May 05 - 09:04 AM

THere once was a feller named Lunt
Who went out every day on a hunt
And the prey of this habit
Was not squirrel or rabbit
But willing, adorable sexual partners.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 May 05 - 01:14 AM

I expect that any Cutesy Hymnsingers were left in our dust in the second or third page of 50 entries on this thread. The air is too rarified now for them to even come near. You can say "fucking" with a clear conscience and the understanding of tolerance (and interest) by the MOABites in attendance.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 May 05 - 10:12 PM

Actually, it's the only hunting in which both the hunted and hunter are prey.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 01 May 05 - 10:02 PM

You need to huntit?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 May 05 - 07:39 PM

You can hunt it over bait, if you want....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 May 05 - 05:32 PM

Ah, Bee-dubya, I don't want to tell you how to run your life cause I got enough problems with my own, but outdoor sex with dogs will definitely get you talked about and maybe picketed by PETA. As for hunting it, I'd suggest still hunting, perhaps on the grounds on the Floribama School For Wayward Whoopee Girls. PETA doesn't care about wayward whoopee girls. Or wayward whoopee boys, for that matter. Just be careful about the dogs and, I guess, alligators.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 May 05 - 05:17 PM

I have decided not to start the sphincter thread. There's no way I could ever compete with Rapaire's passing an 18-wheeler.

I'm going to go hunting for outdoor sex instead. Is there any special bait you need to use? A tree-stand or blind? Is it legal to use dogs?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 May 05 - 05:03 PM

Actually, we didn't use the word "screwing." We used Another Word, one hallowed by time, one that is more descriptive, one that begins with "F". But now wanting to offend any Cutesy Hymnsingers, I used a less objectionable word than "fucking."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 May 05 - 02:01 PM

Cute little thing, isn't he? I mean Rapaire- the dog's okay, too!

Obviously, Rap, we come from parallel cultures. I too have recited that poem since fourth grade, every Spring. But on the East coast, where I am from, we used the word "sex" in the last line, rather than "screwing". That's because we understood trochees and dactyls -- we used to use them to get outdoor sex, so we had to know our stuff. Using a two-syllable word like "screwing" just messes up the flow and the scansion. But maybe the damsels where you came from were a little harder of hearing, or more interested in the concept than the execution, so to speak...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 May 05 - 11:19 AM

You're a hoot, Rap!

Anyone want a dog? A sweet little American Staffordshire Terrier wandered into the yard yesterday and has adopted me as her alpha female. (Yes, this is the breed known as "pit bull," and this dog is so far removed from the stereotype that I ran the free ad in the paper online with the AKC name instead).

You can see a photo of her by visiting the Classifieds at the Fort Worth Star-Telegram and looking for the photo of the dog found in Edgecliff Village. It's awfully tempting to keep her, but I'd have to do some major renovations to the yard (like, fix the fence, put up a gate, get a dog house, get the cats to accept her for the times she's in the house, patrol the yard for the DS and toss it in the compost. . . )

Okay. Back the the regular BS.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 May 05 - 11:10 AM

Gracious me, I nearly forgot to share with you all one of my very very favorite poems! I grew up reciting this poem, and it epitomizes the joys and wonders of Spring. Every year on Mayday my family would stand outside amidst the flowers and, holding hands so that we formed a circle, would raise our voices in our Family Spring Poem. We had poems for other seasons as well: Winter, Imbolc, Summer, Road Repair, Rainy, Beltain, Tourist, Hunting, Fishing, and so on. But this was a our Spring Poem and I well remember my youngest brother, barely able to talk, lisping out the words while my mother held my sister, who was screaming, to her breast. It was truly Family Values in action, and I ask that those who read this take their family out amidst the flowers and, holding hands, recite this poem:


Hurray! Hurray! It's the First of May
And outdoor screwing begins today!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 May 05 - 11:01 AM

How about



Amos
Amos
He's a man...







Well, ah,

Maybe

At least we think he is.

I mean, he's got a daughter and all.

And I suppose the DNA matches,

But he does live in Southern California and you know the sort of people who live there.

I sure do, 'cuz they're all moving to the Pacific Northwest
And there are a lot of 'em here in Idaho and more comin' all the time.

Lord knows, we don't really want 'em.
Lord knows, we wish they'd just send their money and stay home.

But if someone from Southern California HAD to come here
Amos'd be okay, probably mostly.



--This pome has been brought to you free and gratis by Rapaire's Rhythmic Rants, LLP (Low Life Poetasters). It's not copyrighted, so feel free to use it as you wish, but sending big checks to the author when you do would be appreciated.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 May 05 - 08:11 AM

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Thanks, RR!!!!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 01 May 05 - 04:02 AM

Well now ms. Stilly, from the sage of sages, I do believe you are in the swang o' things!



Ode To Amos
By Rusic Resembler


Amos
Amos
I hear the name within my brain and I can't refrain from repeating it ag-ain
Amos
Amos



You were just listening to "Ode To Amos', brought to you by our responsers, Ode and To. Thank you and please stay tuned for the next segment of Ode To Amos Two.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Apr 05 - 11:45 PM

I'll take a shot at fulfilling BWL's request for 5 reasons why not to start the sphincter thread. here's one--think childbirth. Episiotomy. Tearing episiotomy. All the way back. You got it--you just tore yourself a new asshole (as my ex put it so inelegantly as my OB stitched up the episiotomy "starting with the sphincter"--you can imagine the sinking feeling I experienced).

Okay. That one was relatively short, even if it wasn't too sweet (the baby girl was the sweet part). You think I'm the only one with stories that will make you guys cringe? You just start that thread, BWL, and you'll hear about it! Mark my words!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Apr 05 - 10:43 PM

Better me than Flaming-But-Still-In-The-Closet Ted.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Apr 05 - 10:42 PM

not snag 7575?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Apr 05 - 10:42 PM

heck


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Apr 05 - 10:42 PM

the


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Apr 05 - 10:41 PM

Why


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Apr 05 - 09:52 PM

I combined my biggest eye opener AND my biggest sphincter opener the time I passed an eighteen wheeler.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Apr 05 - 07:50 PM

1. It will attract flies.
2. It will provide MG a justification for talking as he does.
3. I t will offend one of the Mudcat people, I think probably "liddul_mittens_hymn_sing" from Keokuk.
4. I t will burn up time you could spend thinking of something really clever to say in rebuttal of these reasons.
5. It will inspire Spaw to compete with your for fecal vividness in language.

There ya go, BeeDub!! Read 'em up!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Apr 05 - 07:22 PM

HELP!!!

I have an overpowering desire to start a "companion" thread to My Biggest Eye Opener called "My Biggest Sphincter Opener". I don't know if I can stop myself. You guys need to talk me down from it.

I need five good reasons not to do it by 12PM (MCT) 05/01/05 or I simply won't be held responsible.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Apr 05 - 03:28 PM

Operor sententia prodeo , sententia ignavus levo
In rapio ex mens illorum
Quisnam audacter sto quod dedi , nequam amoveo
Quis thy penuriosus dementis mens nunquam speciosus.
Subsisto in vestri latrocinores mores
Verto circum quod perceptum iterum
In vestri pedes suus subsisto quod subsisto
Quod audaciter ingredior mores hominum.

Vel suspendo vestri caput capitis in silentium stilus ,
Verecundor exhibeo vestri deficio phasmatis
Sive adficio bonus ex suum eo
Mos non gero , neque nec votum audire is!

Cicerinio Omnibus dee' Algorithus
Pensimus Maximus de Causas Essens
Tran. Donald Wishwell, 1947


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Apr 05 - 01:45 PM

Jist thought I'd give the joint a touch o' class, ya know?

Ya din't get "piscus caenosus", did ya?

Gotta go break some broncs now. Have a cuppa coffee, relax, read a little Virgil. Jist wash the dishes afore ya pull freight.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 30 Apr 05 - 12:25 PM

Merdatauri??? MERDATAURI!!!????

You think you can cloak that kind of BS by pretending to say it in Latin? I'm gonna sic my sis on you!!

ROTFLMAO!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Apr 05 - 10:57 AM

Today is "Be Kind to Freds Day"! I so declare it!

Insofar as Freds have been an integral part of the MOAB for almost two years and, insofar as Freds have received absolutely no formal recognition of their contribution to the lunacy, we do hereby designate this day in their honor!

However, lest anyone get overly excited, please note that it is merely "Be Kind to Freds Day". It is not "Freds Are Really Great Guys Day" or "Exchange Bodily Fluids With Freds Day" or even "Take Freds to Lunch Day". There's no need to get all het up about it. If you happen to see Freds, just don't squash him/her/it/them or anything. And, yes, this even goes for Chuckles.

Presumably, you may resume squashing Freds tomorrow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapairus Ora Cloaca
Date: 30 Apr 05 - 10:29 AM

Merdatauri virumque cano, Piscus caenosi qui primus ab oris
Internetus, fato profugus, Amos venit
litora, multum ille et terris iactatus et alto
vi superum saevae memorem Iunonis ob iram;
multa quoque et bello passus, dum conderet urbem,               
inferretque deos merda, genus unde ingenium
Nostrum patres, atque altae moenia Merdatauri.

Musa, mihi causas memora, quo numine laeso,
quidve dolens, regina deum tot volvere casus
insignem pietate virum, tot adire labores               
impulerit. Tantaene animis caelestibus irae?

I have more, and you have been warned.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Apr 05 - 09:41 AM

The MOABite ran like a wolf to the fold
And their numbers were drooling and laughing, and old
In the pale purple dawn, at the rise of the hill
They stood in array, and they laughed soft and shrill.
Their horses cavorted, their trumpets were gold
And they sang out "BS"! in the damp and the cold.

Then each one to his stirrups, to each his épée
And they swung to their saddles, and galloped toward day,
With the screams of the dying rattling over the plain
The MOABites struck, struck again, struck again.
That was long long ago, as the elders recall,
Who were there and who saw it, and remember it all.

It was cognitive madness, a mind's paroxysm
Not one gal was sure what was hers, or was his'n.
On that plain stands today just a cold granite marker,
To remember the day when the MOAB went starker
In cool quiet letters, the stone doth profess:
"On this hill, at one time, there was first-class BS."

Merriwether Longjaw Stooling
Songs of the MOAB
Brown and Ridickledockle, New York, 1947


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bee-dubya_ell
Date: 30 Apr 05 - 07:41 AM

Oh, boy! Are the hedges first-prize in the context? They're cool. They look English. I bet they have hedgehogs in 'em. Is a pair of hedgehogs part of the prize too? I've always wanted hedgehogs. Well, not always 'cause when I was an infant I didn't know what a hedgehog was. Stop me! I'm starting to sound like Verbal Kint!

(And the Google ads for the group that Steve Howe plays guitar with are still here.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Apr 05 - 01:59 AM

MOAB Hedgemony: is that like this? (This, of course, is part of the "context" that BWL is asking about!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 30 Apr 05 - 01:49 AM

Dear Bunnahabhain -
You are on to a new concept that will take at least two more minutes for people to get. Or else your concept of the reality of two more minutes was there for getting people.?
It doesn't really matter which way the wind blows, though, but it matters if the wind was blown last Thursday and only if the cumulus clouds where out at precisely 11:32 am. (That would be central standard time)

If it was meant to be a pillow stuffed with a burgandy eggnog, than I would advise drinking it slow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Apr 05 - 10:39 PM

I had a good lesson last night. Parry sixte, extend, and then step into it if your extension doesn't quite reach. You touch with the hand pronated, and after touching come back immediately to on guard. You can also, if you are in too close for an extension, drop your weapon hand and come up in a "dig" to surprise and dismay your opponent. A parry in prime can also be turned to your advantage, as can a high septime against a fleche. I am, of course, speaking of epee, where there are no rules of right-of-way. (My personal favorite is to close nearly corps-a-corps, binding the blades, and then strike home with your main gauche. This is frowned upon in competition because it uses up opponents pretty quick, and it can be pretty messy with all the blood. Of course, you keep your main gauche hidden unless you want to use it as a bladebreaker, but that's another technique.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 29 Apr 05 - 09:55 PM

Context? Are we having a context? What's the prize? I wanna enter! Do ya hafta buy a ticket, or is it one of those "no purchase necessary" things?

I hope it's not like a quiz show where ya hafta be smart. I'd never win with Amos and Rawpeer and Stilly River Sage in th' same context. They's all real smart an' it takes me, Tweed an' khandu all three combined t'gether jus' to come up with th' IQ of yer average idjit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 29 Apr 05 - 08:07 PM

7557 !cimordnelllap


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 29 Apr 05 - 08:05 PM

True. Best just treat my last rant as an execise in daft language.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Apr 05 - 07:45 PM

I dunno, Bunnahy-boy, iffen these instructions are particularly welcome. See, the MOAB excels at what it does because it is self-organizing, a loose affiliation of self-enabling and reciprocally empowering elite peers, if you see what I mean. As to them silly spin-off threads, well, I have done told them the fueliddity of their ways. So iffen they don't wanna lissen to me, well, I ask you, whose problem is that? Not mine, you know, not mine for certain sho'.

Tell ya what -- YOU go over there and disguise yourself as one of them insipid uninspired spit-dribblers pretending to do BS and see if you can raise the tone a little. THEN you can bring 'em over.

You think we accept just ANY ole energy here? This is a quality outfit, pard. Quality.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 29 Apr 05 - 07:30 PM

Why all the parody threads at the minute? The combined creative energy that has gone into these could sustain MOAB for hours! We need to seduce these misguided people into the MOAB Hedgemony with the utmost haste, and convince them to the point of evangalising all and sundry to as the rectitude and veracity of MOAB as the true path.

They shall be taught to shun those pale and paltry Mayflies of threads, and offer praise to MOAB with puns, poetry, physics, prattle, and painfully obvious alitteration. They shall not care for '00s, and shall smite Flamenco Ted mightily in anticipaition of his sins. Context and common sense shall flee before these messengers of the word!

That's what going to happen, now you lot have to make it happen. Get going. Smartly, please.

Bunnahabhain.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Apr 05 - 07:20 PM

Well, the Truth Is Out There, and MOAB has lots more of it than anyplace else. In fact, the MOAB has not only whole truths, but truths-and-a-half and even more. It's a good place to look for it, it certainly is.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 29 Apr 05 - 01:37 PM

well - here I am again - ready to plumb the depths of the MOAB in search of enlightenment.

Pitiful, ain't i?

But I have crucial, burning questions that need to be answered - such as:

If Martha *Has* broken her parole - How long will it take to heal? And will she have to wear a cast?


Will LtS ever find the source of her guinea Pig song (or did her Da just make it up?)

Will Liz ever think to start a thread at mudcat re: the above?

Is the Pope an Ivory billed Woodpecker - or will acoustic analysis show him to be nothing but a recording of the 'Nights Templar and the Illuminauts'?


Why does the "predicting your age by chocolate" ask me how often I would like to have chocolate a week - then restrict me to less then 10. that doesn't get me through a day. (breakfast, 2nd breakfast, car snack, brunch, coffee break, elevenses, small lunch, lunch, snack, late snack, tea, late tea, hor d'hourves, dinner, supper,ante-dormir)

Will corridus the Hamster returtn?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Apr 05 - 10:27 AM

That's the whole of it for me, too. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Apr 05 - 09:03 AM

My page advertises Napster and a café specializing in beignets.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 29 Apr 05 - 08:34 AM

Didn't work. Still there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 29 Apr 05 - 08:32 AM

NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

Pay no attention. I'm just trying to beat back the Google ads for that insipid '70s "symphonic rock" group whom I cannot name here for fear of further triggering whatever utility Google uses to site their ads.

Better yet, I shall click on the Google ad about a zillion times so that Google will pay Max lots of money and the "store" will have to pay Google so much money they will go into bankruptcy. That'll get rid of 'em!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Apr 05 - 08:12 AM

It's chilly of a morning in these here hills! Clothes? Sure!


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