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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 12 Mar 04 - 11:20 PM
Rapparee 12 Mar 04 - 11:40 AM
Amos 12 Mar 04 - 11:36 AM
Rapparee 12 Mar 04 - 11:20 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 11 Mar 04 - 02:09 PM
Rapparee 11 Mar 04 - 01:13 PM
Amos 11 Mar 04 - 12:19 PM
Rapparee 11 Mar 04 - 12:12 PM
GUEST,Cookieless W.E. 11 Mar 04 - 04:00 AM
Amos 10 Mar 04 - 11:16 PM
Rapparee 10 Mar 04 - 08:35 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Mar 04 - 08:17 PM
Rapparee 10 Mar 04 - 10:12 AM
Amos 10 Mar 04 - 10:06 AM
Rapparee 10 Mar 04 - 09:32 AM
Amos 09 Mar 04 - 09:56 PM
Rapparee 09 Mar 04 - 09:48 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 09 Mar 04 - 07:59 PM
Sttaw Legend 09 Mar 04 - 06:27 PM
Tweed 09 Mar 04 - 06:27 PM
Amos 09 Mar 04 - 06:17 PM
Tweed 09 Mar 04 - 06:16 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 09 Mar 04 - 06:11 PM
Tweed 09 Mar 04 - 06:10 PM
Amos 09 Mar 04 - 05:46 PM
Tweed 09 Mar 04 - 03:07 PM
Rapparee 09 Mar 04 - 11:00 AM
Rustic Rebel 09 Mar 04 - 01:28 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 08 Mar 04 - 08:49 PM
Amos 08 Mar 04 - 08:41 PM
Rapparee 08 Mar 04 - 04:05 PM
Tweed 08 Mar 04 - 03:42 PM
Amos 08 Mar 04 - 03:30 PM
Tweed 08 Mar 04 - 03:29 PM
Amos 08 Mar 04 - 01:46 PM
Rapparee 08 Mar 04 - 12:34 PM
Amos 08 Mar 04 - 11:57 AM
Rapparee 08 Mar 04 - 11:20 AM
Amos 07 Mar 04 - 11:15 PM
Amos 07 Mar 04 - 11:08 PM
Rapparee 07 Mar 04 - 06:44 PM
Amos 07 Mar 04 - 12:01 AM
Rapparee 06 Mar 04 - 07:40 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Mar 04 - 07:18 PM
Amos 06 Mar 04 - 06:09 PM
Rapparee 06 Mar 04 - 03:12 PM
Amos 06 Mar 04 - 10:17 AM
Rustic Rebel 06 Mar 04 - 03:05 AM
Amos 05 Mar 04 - 08:55 AM
Rustic Rebel 05 Mar 04 - 03:25 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Mar 04 - 11:20 PM

Looks downright civilized -- welcome to the club!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Mar 04 - 11:40 AM

Look again at the picture in Profiles. It's me before I get to work, and before my wife lets me out of the cage.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Mar 04 - 11:36 AM

That shore proves a heap, don't it? Here's a quote from a letter _I_ got from your father, Rapaire:

"It is with great regret that I inform you that my son, whom I cherish most deeply, is given to flights -- not to say rhapsodies -- of imagination at times, and as such can be found drifting occasionally, unmoored and fancy-free beyond the edges of normal reality. In spite of this he is a fine upstanding citizen, and I will vote for him as soon as his campaign is clarified...

With best regards,

Asomodeus P. Moloch, Paternal Edifice
Genuine Paternity or Bust!!"

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Mar 04 - 11:20 AM

Mom, I won't let you fall and not be able to get up!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Mar 04 - 02:09 PM

Counterfeit! That's not Rapaire! It's Debbie Earl!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Mar 04 - 01:13 PM

Nope,it's me. The picture was taken at work. To prove it, here's a quote from an email I just received:

"...great picture, son. You certainly do the family proud, and your parents and siblings are excusably vain about being related to someone like you.

Your Loving Father,
Moloch Asmodeus"


(sniff, sniff, sniffle)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Mar 04 - 12:19 PM

Well, I don't belileve that's you, Rap. Too much cognitive dissonance, incompatabilities and such. That looks like some fat middle-aged guy dressed up in a Halloween costume because he can't find his role model. Not you at all!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Mar 04 - 12:12 PM

Be it know to all MOABites that I, known throughout the Known and Unknown Universes and Dimensions, known throughout the Places Between, as "Rapaire", have deigned to post a picture of myself both at "Profiles" and at "Photos."

Women! Try not to swooon in delight! Men! Curb your jealousy!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Cookieless W.E.
Date: 11 Mar 04 - 04:00 AM

Uppsey Daisey


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Mar 04 - 11:16 PM

Geeze, Rapaire!! Gag me with a spoon! It's under the couch, man.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Mar 04 - 08:35 PM

What did you last play with it? Could it be ashamed and hiding in embarrassment? Might it be annoyed with you for not using it as often as you use, say, a capo? Did you somehow frighten the poor thing? Could you have made it feel so unloved and unwanted that it left home?

Remember, if you love it, let it go, and if it loves you it will return.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Mar 04 - 08:17 PM

HELP!!! I can't find my slide! It's a regular nickel-plated Stevens Steel slide for lap-style/Dobro playing. I just used it a few days ago and I would swear I put it in the little catchall on the bookcase that all the small musical crap gets thrown into, but it's not there. I've looked everywhere I can think of. I've found two glass slides for bottleneck playing, a rolling capo, an autoharp tuning wrench, three string winders, two electronic tuners that need batteries, and an untold numbers of picks, but no Stevens. Has anybody seen it? If you have one and it gets lost, where do you usually find it? Do you think it might just be hiding and doesn't want to be found? Have I used it since Marion left? Maybe she stole it! Nah! She wouldn't do that! Maybe the Universe is trying to make me play banjo tonight! Or maybe, shudder, God wants me to start playing accordion!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Mar 04 - 10:12 AM

Sorry. Flashback to all those lines I wrote after college.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Mar 04 - 10:06 AM

Lucidity is optional, man...

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Mar 04 - 09:32 AM

Geez, Amos, don't you mean that there are 1100100 people and that there are 11001 of each?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 09:56 PM

Maybe 100 kinds of people -- those that understand binary, those that don't, those that do but deny it, those that don't but assert they do, -- 25 of each.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 09:48 PM

Lucidity is optional. So are clothes, sanity, a job, the ability to play an instrument well or at all, education, grammar, spelling, sense, and almost everything else.

What is mandatory is that you understand that there are only 10 kinds of people in the world: those that understand binary and those that don't. Or maybe it's not mandatory. But whatever is not forbidden is required, and whatever is not required is forbidden, except that whatever is forbidden is not required, except in months with a "w" in them and/or during a full moon after the 12th of any month if the ambient temperature at standard pressure is greater than 0 degrees Kelvin.

Clear? Now, welcome.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 07:59 PM

Yeeeeehaaaaawwwww!!!!!! Sttaw Legend has posted to the MOAB!!!!

You do understand, Sttaw baby, that a single post does not mean you are a bona fide MOABite. You are now entitled to refer to yourself as "One Who Has Posted to the MOAB", but you must post repeatedly and spout copious amounts of unadulterated BS before you can call yourself a true MOABite.

Alternatively, if you have spouted copious amounts of unadulterated BS in other threads, or even in other forums, or in print, or on videotape, or if you happen to be a practicing member of any religious sect which worships Andy Kaufmann, Sam Kennison, The Three Stooges or The Marx Brothers, please provide documentation of said spouting in the form of links to appropriate posts, copies of appropriate publications or videotapes, or notarized documents certifying membership in appropriate religious sect and you will be afforded the title "Honorary MOABite" until such time as your actual posts to this, the Mother of All BS Threads have earned, for you, the right to call yourself a genuine MOABite.

By the way, the fact that your one post makes absolutely no grammatical sense will not be held against you. Lucidity is optional here on the MOAB.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 06:27 PM

Well that me posted on this mother f***er.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 06:27 PM

Hell no Amos. I still got three or four more weeks of gud ware on these!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 06:17 PM

Wal, yew ain't sent her none o' yore undies either, I hope?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 06:16 PM

HAW!!!! Tell me now...who among us culd not love the Poet Larious for hiz gentlemanly manner?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 06:11 PM

I sure am glad it was Tweed that mentioned the rouged tips of Rustic Rebel's melons. I sure am glad it was Amos that responded to Tweed's mention of the rouged tips of Rustic Rebel's melons. I am far too much of a gentleman to mention the rouged tips of Rustic Rebel's melons in a public forum. No sir! Not I! I would never even consider mentioning the rouged tips of Rustic Rebel's melons. There are lot's of things I'll talk about here on the MOAB, but the rouged tips of Rustic Rebel's melons aren't two of them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 06:10 PM

I yam figgering thet Rustic is summat obv an exotic critchur and dances in the moonlite and so forth Amos, so there fore it comes to my disseazed mind thet it iz ony natural thet she would rouge up her melons a bit now and then. Still habv not recieved enny nekkid photos obv her but am waiting patiently.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 05:46 PM

just az red as the rouged tips o' Rustic's melons.

Tweed, is there sompn we ought to know, an' haven't been tole, or are you jes' fantasmagasizing agin??

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 03:07 PM

I seed the moon rise obver the blackened Florida coastline the other nite while in a big old AirTran bird. Hit startled me insensible at first because it waz only a top of a red sphere peeking over the edge and then by God it came up quickly, an' just az red as the rouged tips o' Rustic's melons. I was breaffless I assure you all and culd only point out the window mekkin' gutteral noiz and being wide eyed. The gal behind me looked summat concerned and said something that sounded like "What is it Sir? Gremlin on the wing??"
It was a mos' scocious moment in time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 11:00 AM

I did that once, RR. Me and a couple of women I was with at that time. It was joyous, it was wonderful, it cost two hundred bucks each for cavorting nekkid in a public park.

Now, you should have seen the moon comin' up over the snow-glazed mountains last night. Touching the white snow with silver until the mountains shone like a Wonder, shimmering like a scarf woven of the finest, softest silver thread.

It was simply magnificent. It was also 20 degrees outside and if you were to have danced parts of your body would have snapped off and floated away on the stiff breeze.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 01:28 AM

I haven't had a ram in the ass in awhile, but what-ever turns your crank Bee.

I just want to talk about the effects of a full moon, and what it does to you physically. Myself, it turns me into a wild woman. I want to shed my...
Ha! you thought I would say clothes but... fears and inhibit the non-inhibitable. I watch the moon rise huge as a cantaloupe that has been over-ripened in the garden and I feel a desire to dance. To spread an exuberance of joy to the valley of my own under-ripened cantaloupe, that I come, just at the thought. It has nothing to do with being rammed mind you.
I watched the moon rise tonight, it was full and plump and orange as an expected harvest moon, in the middle of march and it said to me..
Oh! Woman! Dance!Be!joyful! Don't !let!life!burden!you!when!I!can!bring!you!a!joyful!dance! Let!your!hair!down!baby!and!we'll!have!a!natural!time!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 08:49 PM

Are you all adding ennything new and wondrous to this heap of malodrous dung?

In a word, no! We need an influx. A new pespective. A source of inspiration. A point of departure. A kick in the ass.

Hey! Speakin' of a _____ in the ass....

If a ram is a sheep, and an ass is a donkey, why is a ram in the ass a goose?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 08:41 PM

Nope -- Rapire done turned to discussing stripper-clippers and nipple-grippers and such like. So SRS and RR got irritated and stopped adding their perfume to the BS. LH couldn't transcend the issue and BWL was running down to Sears to catch up...So you're just the breath of malodorous fresh air we needed in this row!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 04:05 PM

Golly damn, Tweed. Words like that bring tears to ma eyes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 03:42 PM

HeyHo Amos! I check in regular but habv been farly speechless obv late. I did go to North Carolina obver the weekend and made sum pancakes and bacon while I wabz there. It were a fine but short egskursion wif gud weather and a beutimous sunset on saturday nite. Thar came a high wind on the Sabbath but I hed flown on south before I got enjoy thet part. How iz the bullshit here obv late? Are you all adding ennything new and wondrous to this heap of malodrous dung?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 03:30 PM

Twwweeeedsterrr!!


Good to see ya!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 03:29 PM

Hmmm....that Cat down there sounds vaguely like Khing Khnawbutts hizzelf! Haz hiz lordness excaped from the Institute and clebverly disused himselbve as a Guest in a Hat?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 01:46 PM

I didn't mean the machines were violent. That's silly. I meant violent machinery as in "machinery used to create effects involving large amounts of force."

Definition: acting with or marked by or resulting from great force or energy or emotional intensity

www.cogsci.princeton.edu/cgi-bin/webwn

(of colors or sounds) intensely vivid or loud; "a violent clash of colors"; "her dress was a violent red"; "a violent noise"; "wild colors"; "wild shouts"
www.cogsci.princeton.edu/cgi-bin/webwn

A


marked by extreme intensity of emotions or convictions; inclined to react violently; fervid; "fierce loyalty"; "in a tearing rage"; "vehement dislike"; "violent passions"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 12:34 PM

Violent? The firearms aren't violent. They just sit there, gathering rust and dust. Heck, they can't even play a good game of poker or checkers or help clean the house or ANYTHING!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 11:57 AM

Well, I am much assured, Rap, to know that your violent machinery is so well cared for and safely kept.    I am edified about stripper clips!! I really thought they were for nightclubs. :>)

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 11:20 AM

Yeah, but 7.62 x 39 Russian is a lousy cartridge. THESE are real US-made (I think) stripper clips that hold five rounds of good ol' American .30-06 Springfield ammo!

Besides, I really do not desire things that hold enough ammunition to shoot down the side of a mountain (can't afford that much ammunition anyway). These will work with my WW One-vintage rifle, hold all the bullets that I want to load anyway, when I go to the rifle range and shoot paper targets.

(A side point: I got these at a local gun show, where I also joined the local buckskinners' group, which was the reason I went the show in the first place. Anyway, when I was there I learned that the old US Rifle, caliber .30, Model of 1917 I have is worth $500 and up -- and add 10% because Winchester made it.)

For those who are concerned about my owning firearms: they are kept locked up, unloaded, with trigger locks on, in a safe place. The ammunition is locked up in a small box and kept seperately from the guns. I have been shooting for 47 years now, have taken numerous safety classes, haven't shot anyone that I know about, have never had a "gun accident" (there aren't any such things), and shoot on a range -- for accuracy and control, since I'm more Olympics than Rambo.

Just wanted you to know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Mar 04 - 11:15 PM

Product Description:  Stripper Clips SKS Pack of 20 Holds 10-Rds Reusable 762x39

Catalog Item #:  SKS-600
Mfg Item #:  SKS1000
 Value:
$11.95
Our Low Price:
$7.97                                                               
Your Savings:
$3.98  (33.31%)
   Original Chinese SKS stripper clips. Holds 10 rounds of 762x39 ammo. Reusable steel construction made to last a lifetime. Fits the stripper clip guide on top of SKS rifle. These stripper clips will work with all SKS rifles, Chinese, Russian, and European.



Oh. Never mind, I think I figured it out...

Brass better than steel, huh?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Mar 04 - 11:08 PM

Obscurity by intention is unbecoming to a man of your profession, old friend.

What do you do with them, and why? Speak plainly, I beseech you!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Mar 04 - 06:44 PM

I can work them laying down, sitting, standing, kneeling and even squatting. Beins brass, the little tabs on the ends shouldn't break off as readily as the steel ones, so they'll last longer. And they hold five together, just as I wanted.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Mar 04 - 12:01 AM

High quality brass ones, huh, Rap?? You wanna clarify your position vis-a-vis these stripper clips of yours?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Mar 04 - 07:40 PM

How the heck do you guys know about these things??? I, myself, don't frequent those sorts of places. Pure, that's me. Why, I was once an altar boy! Really! And I spent most of my youth on my knees, lost in fervent prayer...


































"Dear God, don't like 'em find out. Don't let 'em catch me. And if I pass this test I'll try to study from now on."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Mar 04 - 07:18 PM

Naw, man! Stripper clips are those little nipple-pincher thingies that strippers wear in S & M strip joints. I don't even wanna know what Rap's gonna do with 'em.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Mar 04 - 06:09 PM

These are the things you clp on the front of a stripper to keep track of where she is in a crowded club, right?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Mar 04 - 03:12 PM

Hot diggety dog, I just bought some stripper clips! Been looking for 'em for over two years! Five rounders, too! The good brass kind, no less! Whoo--hee!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Mar 04 - 10:17 AM

C'est profond, n'est-ce pas?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 06 Mar 04 - 03:05 AM

Amos, Flenta-whoosies are not in my vocabulary until now. I could not concieve of the idea of using the term Flenta-whoosies until now. Your getting the gentolawellowmalishish thing going on.


Driving home from the tavern tonight seemed like it was going to be just the regular drive home from the tavern. Okay, the guys in the bar tonight were talking crazy shit about sucking and fucking, but that was nothing that seemed an extreme. They were tourists blowing off some steam. Although, since we, at another bar, earlier in the day, had formed a group of snow angel non-conformists, I felt the need to take it on to the next tavern.
So I went to the next tavern and we made more snow angels. The winner in my view was an angel made from Terry. He made his wings cross-wise instead of the regular slide up and down, which made his wings look feathered.

So yeah, I was going for the trip home...

The moon is feeling like at least half. It has a sheen that reflects off of the snow that reminds me of a breath of a new born baby. All new and awe inspiring and clean, well you know what I mean.
The moon is shining so bright through the clouds that there is no need for headlights. Turn off your headlights and go for the ride, was my theme for making it home through the woods.
I turned off my headlights and followed the screened moonlight through the woods. The pines, drooping with a new heavy spring snow were giants.
I drove through the groves feeling very small and reliant on the pine, to show me, my way home. I was the mere mortal and the road and pine were the god/ess/s.
I abandoned my being to the road. I was left with a helplessness that made me drive blind. I only knew the path of dim moonlight would lead me home. It was an awe inspiring notion, and it took me through the journey of discovering, headlights don't make the trail any easier, with or without them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Mar 04 - 08:55 AM

How do you remember how to spell Flenta-whoosies?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 05 Mar 04 - 03:25 AM

I can love it that I wasn't included into the Mad Cat, Mud cat Bullshitters association according to the Hat Cat. Thank you, thank you, thank you.


Now, the Twinkie had the elite Twinkie clan so worked up on sugar that they forgot the basic elements of life.
Basic elements being...
Love sugar but don't forget where it came from.
Let sugar be your god/ess, but don't let it rule your life.
Sugar is your god/ess, but don't forget yourself, just a spoonfull of sugar, helps the medicine go down
Because the Twinkie sugar had such a powerful effect on the Flenturopalatorins, it made them plain ass goofy.
They came to think they were the omnipotent and they could name anything in the universe what they chose to call anything in the universe. That is when they decided that calling a street a street was not good. Therefore the Flenturopalatorins declared that a street was no longer a street, but it shall now and fore-ever be called a streat.

Fin.


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