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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

GUEST,William Shatner 23 Dec 03 - 12:39 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 22 Dec 03 - 11:45 PM
Little Hawk 22 Dec 03 - 11:27 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 22 Dec 03 - 09:49 PM
Amos 22 Dec 03 - 07:56 PM
Rapparee 22 Dec 03 - 06:04 PM
Amos 21 Dec 03 - 11:53 PM
Little Hawk 21 Dec 03 - 11:23 PM
khandu 21 Dec 03 - 10:54 PM
khandu 21 Dec 03 - 10:23 PM
Amos 21 Dec 03 - 10:20 PM
khandu 21 Dec 03 - 09:34 PM
Rapparee 21 Dec 03 - 09:33 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 Dec 03 - 09:28 PM
khandu 21 Dec 03 - 09:26 PM
Rapparee 21 Dec 03 - 08:47 PM
Tweed 21 Dec 03 - 08:35 PM
Amos 21 Dec 03 - 08:17 PM
Little Hawk 21 Dec 03 - 08:05 PM
khandu 21 Dec 03 - 07:53 PM
CarolC 21 Dec 03 - 07:48 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 Dec 03 - 07:29 PM
Amos 21 Dec 03 - 07:18 PM
Little Hawk 21 Dec 03 - 06:54 PM
Tweed 21 Dec 03 - 05:05 PM
Little Hawk 20 Dec 03 - 11:46 PM
CarolC 20 Dec 03 - 11:36 PM
Rapparee 20 Dec 03 - 10:38 PM
khandu 20 Dec 03 - 10:34 PM
Rapparee 20 Dec 03 - 10:26 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 20 Dec 03 - 10:12 PM
Amos 20 Dec 03 - 07:31 PM
Rustic Rebel 20 Dec 03 - 07:03 PM
Amos 20 Dec 03 - 06:20 PM
khandu 20 Dec 03 - 05:21 PM
Little Hawk 19 Dec 03 - 10:31 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 19 Dec 03 - 09:40 PM
Little Hawk 19 Dec 03 - 09:15 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 19 Dec 03 - 09:12 PM
khandu 19 Dec 03 - 06:56 PM
Amos 19 Dec 03 - 06:45 PM
Little Hawk 19 Dec 03 - 06:37 PM
khandu 19 Dec 03 - 06:29 PM
GUEST,William Shatner 19 Dec 03 - 06:10 PM
Rapparee 19 Dec 03 - 06:05 PM
Amos 19 Dec 03 - 05:44 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 19 Dec 03 - 05:05 PM
Rapparee 19 Dec 03 - 04:26 PM
Little Hawk 19 Dec 03 - 04:04 PM
Amos 19 Dec 03 - 03:56 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,William Shatner
Date: 23 Dec 03 - 12:39 AM

You realize that in just a few more posts I will chime in again, just to let you all know who is still really in charge here on the bridge of Starship "Get A Life"...

Actually...I don't have to now, do I? (grin)

Beam me up, Mr Scott. Our work here is done...at least until the next episode begins.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Dec 03 - 11:45 PM

Speaking of P.R., haven't heard from the poor dear in a few. Hope she didn't get her knickers in a wad. Wait! Let me rephrase that... Hope she didn't get her knickers in a bigger wad than the one they're usually in. There. That's better.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Dec 03 - 11:27 PM

Nailing an eel to a tree is a slippery proposition, not for the faint of heart, but I don't doubt that Penelope Rutledge would be capable of it if the eel gave significant offense to her.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Dec 03 - 09:49 PM

Without further ado....

EELS

Americans do not eat eels. Europeans do eat eels. Many Americans do eat catfish. I don't know if Europeans eat catfish or not. I imagine they do. Anybody that would voluntarilly eat an eel shouldn't have any problem with a catfish.

One of my favorite fiddle tunes is "Nail That Catfish to the Tree". I doubt it would have the same appeal if it was called "Nail That Eel to the Tree".

To fish for eels is to sniggle and a person who fishes for eels is a sniggler. This is good to know if you do a lot of crossword puzzles. It is also a seven-letter word in Scrabble which will get you an extra fifty points.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 03 - 07:56 PM

I always suspected Rapaire was a scopolapsist, and now he has confessed. That means he thinks the whole world is caused to exist by motion sickness. This philosophy is spreading rapidly because it touches a chord in many people, for some reason, but I do not trust it.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 03 - 06:04 PM

Freshmeat, redmeat...it's all Linux to me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Dec 03 - 11:53 PM

Red Meat is a long-term rap by a really ellipsoidal mind. I love 'em!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Dec 03 - 11:23 PM

The Karen and Milkman Dan episodes may just be the sickest running joke routine in what is an amazingly sick comic strip, Khandu. Gotta love it, eh? :-) Bug-eyed Earl is pretty weird too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 21 Dec 03 - 10:54 PM

Heck,why not?? Here's another!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 21 Dec 03 - 10:23 PM

See! I was Right About the Manatee!!

& I will be proven right about the damned cats!!!!

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Dec 03 - 10:20 PM

Khandu --

When your area graduates from outhouses, you will learn about rudimentary indoor plumbing with high-on-the-wall flush tanks which are activated by puling a chain. BWL is trying to tell you that he thinks I am made of porcelain, an obvious delusion. The only thing I have in common with porcelain is that we both feel the quality of mercy is not strained...or shouldn't be, in any case.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 21 Dec 03 - 09:34 PM

Uh...the "yanking the chain"...is that another term for "flogging the mule" or "choking the chicken"?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Dec 03 - 09:33 PM

If you ain't had processed mastoid, you ain't et.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Dec 03 - 09:28 PM

Tweed - (and I'm talking to the original Tweed here - the expatriate Indianan, current South Floridian, Mayor of Tweedburg etc. - not the incoherent babbling fount of BS masquerading as The King of Mississippi currently calling himself "Tweed Sploodge")

I think what Amos said was that my attempt at yankin' his chain was successful.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 21 Dec 03 - 09:26 PM

I don't like mastoids. Neither did God...that's why he killed them off. He did like the concept however,so He made elephants instead!

BTW, I am in conference with Him about the cat problem!

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Dec 03 - 08:47 PM

If 'tis true, 'tis a pity, and the pity 'tis, 'tis true.

I don't use Dramamine; I prefer those scopolamine patches you stick on your mastoid process.

There, I said it: mastoid process. Right out in public, too!

A new topic! I'll betcha that the mastoid process hasn't been discussed much on Mudcat! New ground to break!

Mastitis is another area for fruitful discussion.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 21 Dec 03 - 08:35 PM

WHUT THE HAIL??? Whudidyou just say Amos???


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Dec 03 - 08:17 PM

Dramamine might cure you of making sweeping value judgements about areas whose residents, sir, you wot knot of! An' t'were so, 'twould be for the better of it, methinks!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Dec 03 - 08:05 PM

Your line of reasoning is impeccable, Khandu. I think you should consider becoming a full-time crime analyst and consultant, and assist hardworking primate eyes like Chongo Chimp, who are out there busting their little simian asses on the streets so the rest of us can sleep safe and secure at night in our comfy beds.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 21 Dec 03 - 07:53 PM

YES!!!! Tweed...or Twandu...whatever, whoever... , The evil felines are being revealed at last! I have known for centuries how diabolicial these hideous creatures are, yet none would listen. Yes! My own Royal Grandpappy was murdered & devoured by his "sweet little kitty cats". Everyone said it was the work of the mob, but not me. . .I knew better!
I spent decades in research trying to prove to the world this evil. Unfortunately, these accursed felines are clever. I have no "smoking gun" but I offer these facts:
1. . . The word "feline" has 6 letters, as does "murder"!! In fact, if you rearrange the letters of "feline", take out some & add a few others, you have the word "murder"!!

2. . . Self-respecting dogs hate cats & remember dogs are men's best friend! Hence, cats are men's worst enemy!

3. . . Cat's carry "concealed weapons", their claws!!

4. . . I don't have a "4" but I do have a "5".

5. . . Cat's are totally self-centered. . . even their speech is "me" centered (ME-ow)!!

6. . . Conundrum magazine did a survey in the late 1940's which showed that 97% of all humans detested the smell of cat crap. . . a mere 73% detested the aroma of dog doo! Incredibly,
the same survey was re-ran ian 1998 with the EXACT SAME RESULTS!!!
A strange twist to this was another survey that ran concurrently with, yet independently of both the Conundrum surveys which showed that 3% of all humans are insanely evil!

Could this 3% of insanely evil humans be the same 3% that does not detest the smell of cat crap???

No, no conclusive proof, but you must admit, there are heavy questions here!

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 21 Dec 03 - 07:48 PM

If you have a cold, Dramamine would probably help, since it's an antihistamine. I''m feeling pretty crappy myself, but I think it's probably just corn-poisoning.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Dec 03 - 07:29 PM

You will please make note of the fact that the incident occurred in California, not in any part of the rational world. There is absolutely no telling what the poor cats in question had been subjected to in the ways of orgies, dope parties, Satanic rituals and all the other lively social events for which California is so well known. If it had taken place in Panama City instead of Panorama City the cats would have called 911. It's not that southern cats are any smarter than average, just that they aren't subjected to the ravages of the Califirnia lifestyle.


And now, for tonight's installment in BWL's stupid damned list....

DRAMAMINE

Another drug I know nothing about. I don't get seasick.

Okay, so it's not proper BS. Isn't one of the definitions of BS "attempting to appear knowlegeable about something about which you really know very little"? So, I'm copping out. I should be spouting pseudo-knowledge, but I just don't feel like it. I have a cold, complete with screwed up equilibrium and dizzy spells.

Hmmmm.... Wonder if Dramamine would help.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Dec 03 - 07:18 PM

Nothing cannibalistic about it for the cats to want a little white meat from their keeper. Why should that be cannibalistic? Nipping on the dog, same thing!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Dec 03 - 06:54 PM

Great story, Tweed. I hasten to add that chimps do not do this sort of thing at all, and I hope that is clear to everyone.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 21 Dec 03 - 05:05 PM

CATS TRY TO EAT OWNER!

A group of hungry cats began to eat their 86-year-old owner after she suffered an apparent stroke and couldn't get up for nearly a week, officials said Thursday.

Mae Lowrie, who lives with seven cats, was discovered unconscious and riddled with bite marks Wednesday night at her Panorama City apartment, Fire Department and hospital officials said.

"The cats were trying to survive in the conditions that they were in, faced with the outcome they had. They did what they had to do to survive," animal control Officer Ernesto Poblano told KABC-TV. "The cats were all emaciated, very, very emaciated."

The cats, apparently without food for that time, also tried to eat Lowrie's small dog, said Jackie David, a spokeswoman for the city Animal Services Department. The terrier showed signs of hypothermic shock, severe dehydration, respiratory illness and was later euthanized, she said.


It is obvious that animal control has taken the cats' side and claiming temporary insanity on their behalf. I am certain that this is not an isolated instance and if these cannibals are allowed to go free we will all be in danger of being ripped to shreds by feral felines and devoured alive by roving packs of the beasts. I am surprised that no one else has found this disturbing enough to comment earlier! Possibly the major networks have not covered the story for fear of mass rioting, but I heard on NPR that the terror level has been jogged up a notch today for somewhat mysterious reasons...

Yerz,
Tweed...or Twandu...whatever, whoever...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Dec 03 - 11:46 PM

Old ad from the 50's: "Nine out of ten doctors prefer camels." The tenth prefers women.

EXTRA!!!

This is so cool it's almost incredible...the Orillia Packet today published an article about a Chimpanzee retirement home, to be built soon in Shreveport, La. I kid you not. The home is for "Over-the-hill chimpanzees who will soon spend their retirement years in a Louisiana old folks home."

"Construction has begun on Chimp Haven, planned as the only preserve dedicated to chimps who have been retired as entertainers or as subjects of laboratory research. Up to 300 chimps will find themselves on 80 hectares of grass and woods for foraging, climbing, and monkeying around."

Etc..Etc... I am dead serious. This is really happening.

Chongo would be very, very happy about this. In fact, he is very happy about it, although he's not planning to retire any time soon.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 20 Dec 03 - 11:36 PM

Wow, Rustic Rebel. That's uncanny. Last Friday the same exact thing happened to us. Only in our case it was a huge buck deer flying through our car window. Check it out:

Picture 1

Picture 2

I'm glad you weren't hurt. We weren't hurt either.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Dec 03 - 10:38 PM

Was he gonna teach her about the vas deferens between men and women?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 20 Dec 03 - 10:34 PM

On her 18th birthday, a sweet Mississippi girl came to her uncle. "Uncle Fred, I just turned 18 & I'm ready to go to Florida!"

"Whaddaya mean you're ready to go to Florida?"

You said when I turn 18, you's gonna take me to Florida!"

"No, sweetie, I said when you turn 18, I's gonna tampa with you!"

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Dec 03 - 10:26 PM

There are (or were) lots of camels just south of Kokomo, Indiana, on US 31. On the right side of the road as you head south towards Indianapolis.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 Dec 03 - 10:12 PM

CAMELS

I saw a camel just a few weeks ago.
I was driving south on Interstate 75 toward Tampa.

I saw lots of cows and horses too,
but just one camel.

The camel was in a field all alone.
Just one camel with no cows or horses around.

Why anyone in central Florida would have a camel
is a mystery to me.

Why the people of central Florida would worship a mouse
is also a mystery to me.

There must be a connection between the camel and the mouse.
I just haven't found it yet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Dec 03 - 07:31 PM

Well, dear R, p'raps the Universe was trying to act like an alarming clock, and get ou up in a hurry!

Helluva waste of a good grouse, though.    Next time some broad is whinging and complaining and nattering and carping at me, I'm gonna say, "Hey!! Knock it off!! You think grouses grow on trees???"

So, see? It was not for naught!! We got a good line out of your ordeal!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 20 Dec 03 - 07:03 PM

It's all going to be okay Kantweedu. Really it will be!

I have to tell you a story about what happened this morning. I was just waking up and lying in bed and all of a sudden there is a huge glass explosion like someone had shot out my windows. Then I hear a fluttering to the back of my bed, so I knew what happened. I get up and at first it looked like a hawk, but then I picked up the bird and see it's a grouse. The bird flew right through my storm window and through one pane of my interior french style window and landed inside. The poor little thing. It died in my hands. But talk about a trip. The sound was so loud it scared the hell out of me, and just what I wanted to do was get up this morning and have a bird die in my hands and clean up two broken windows that are on the second story.
If it hadn't been for my curtain I would have been showered with glass, because the window is right above my head. So I consider myself lucky that way. Luckier than the grouse!

PS. King oh King Kantweedu- I will attempt a poem just for your asking but I seem to have a block going on right now. I can't rhyme for reason right now, or think for treason.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Dec 03 - 06:20 PM

No one said it was you, Khandu!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 20 Dec 03 - 05:21 PM

Now who is the crazie around here?? Am I the one who decided to change from my Mudcat name (khandu) to my real world name (Tweed) for no apparent reason & then, just as everyone was set to call me (khandu) by my real name (Tweed), I (Tweed) go & change it back to my original Mudact name (khandu)????

NO!! It wasn't me!!!

Yet, just because I have been a "nice" person, I am considered nuts!!Did everything turned topsy turvy during my three month absence?? One guy goes willy-nilly & everyone gets in a hurly-burly to railroad someone of being psycho-dhycho & the choose the most obvious as their victim...the
sweet King khandu who keeps his real Mudcat name (khandu) in spite of the silly trend, rather than changing it to my real world name (Tweed).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Dec 03 - 10:31 PM

Oh, for sure. Camels are a subject one can do a lot with. :-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 19 Dec 03 - 09:40 PM

Tomorrow's "Camels" LH. Not sure I'll get to it though. Doing our final art show of the year tomorrow and may play at a coffeehouse afterwards. May have to wait 'til Sunday. But I promise it'll be better than Bromo-Seltzer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Dec 03 - 09:15 PM

So, what's on for tomorrow, Bee-dub?

How about "calliope"...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 19 Dec 03 - 09:12 PM

BROMO-SELTZER

I don't know didley-shit about Bromo-Seltzer. I know it's an effervescent antacid concoction similar to Alka-Seltzer. I also know Alka-Seltzer whooped Bromo-Seltzer's ass marketing-wise. That's all I know. I've never taken it and don't plan to. Is it the same chemical compound as Alka-Seltzer. I dunno. I guess I could use Google or something and find some stuff out about it, but, ya know what? I don't wanna. I don't really give a rat's ass about Bromo-Seltzer. Only reason I'm writing anything about it is because it's on that silly list of mine that I said I was going to write one post a day on. Only reason Bromo-Seltzer's on the list is because it's what popped into my mind that started with a "B". If I'd known I would be writing about it I would have picked Brussells Sprouts or something.

Hey, I said I'd write 'em. I didn't say they'd be good.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 19 Dec 03 - 06:56 PM

Actual quote from MAX on anutter thread! I LOVE it!!:

Subject: RE: mudcat copyright
From: Max - PM
Date: 19 Dec 03 - 03:38 PM

Truth is, there are really only about a dozen real people on the mudcat. The rest are just my multiple personalities and artificial intelligence experiments.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Dec 03 - 06:45 PM

It was full, but it was honest,
Standing proud, beside the door,
'Til a drunkard knocked it over,
And the ashtray hit the floor.....


Jessup crosses stage trying to sing and play on a Jew's Harp at the same time, giving his song a very breathy quality. Exit stage right.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Dec 03 - 06:37 PM

Sounds like a good show.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 19 Dec 03 - 06:29 PM

Blanche told Dorothy that Rose believes Bob Hope to be her father.
Of course, Sophia thinks Rose is ga-ga, but Sophia enjoys the madness & eggs it on, She actually inducts the Crapper *Queen to find Rose's real father! Meanwhile Jessup, (having no bearing on the plot), pens a song about a fallen ashtray.

But just wait till Bob Hope shows up!!! Things are gonna be hopping in Miami tonight!

*(The part of the Crapper *Queen is played by an out of tune accordionist named something or other. )

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,William Shatner
Date: 19 Dec 03 - 06:10 PM

I...would fairly much concur with Mister Bee-dubya, only... "Star Trek - The Wrath of Khan" was quite a bit better.

Other than that, yes.

I...intend to log in very occasionally here, so you...will probably see me again around post 1600. So, thanks again, people, for proving with this thread that... "size DOES matter".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Dec 03 - 06:05 PM

I'm a-thinkin' of takin' the Idaho Legion over to that-there "Mudcat Christmas Tavern" fer a spot of waterin' and feedin'. 'Sides, some of the boys 'n' girls ain't had no good fightin' and gougin' fer nigh onta two er three days.

Why doncha all fire up them-there monster trucks an' such an' come join us?

Why,I'll betcha that bunch'd jist jump at the chance ta 'sociate with MOABites!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Dec 03 - 05:44 PM

Oh NOW I remember what MOAB stands for!!!

Thanks guys...sniff...ya made an ole songwriter downright happy!!

ROTFLMAO!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 19 Dec 03 - 05:05 PM

Amos, Amos, Amos....

Do not interpret our lack of comment upon your song as apathy. Think of it as awe. Speaking for myself, there are no words to express my feelings toward your song. I would say it is a masterpiece, but that would merely be comparing it to dreck like Mona Lisa and Beethoven's Ninth Symphony - feeble attempts which pale in the presence of your wondrous song. Perhaps if one could combine The Bible, Paradise Lost, The Divine Comedy, the complete works of Shakespeare and the screenplay to Star Trek: The Wrath Of Khan it might come close.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Dec 03 - 04:26 PM

Don't nobody go abusin' Amos none or you'll have to answer to the Idaho Legion!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Dec 03 - 04:04 PM

I found it so moving that I was simply at a loss for words...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Dec 03 - 03:56 PM

See if I write any more songs for THIS group of MOABites.

"And it came to pass in those times in the land of the MOABites that a prophet came, singing songs and promulgating obfuscation, and the name of him was Amos. And sore abused was he, and to other lands did travel, for the MOABites were full of themselves and listened not."

A


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