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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 22 Apr 12 - 10:04 PM
Rapparee 22 Apr 12 - 09:25 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 22 Apr 12 - 08:50 PM
Amos 22 Apr 12 - 08:10 PM
Rapparee 22 Apr 12 - 05:53 PM
gnu 22 Apr 12 - 04:55 PM
Rapparee 22 Apr 12 - 04:49 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 22 Apr 12 - 02:49 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 22 Apr 12 - 02:42 PM
Little Hawk 22 Apr 12 - 12:26 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 22 Apr 12 - 12:15 PM
Acme 22 Apr 12 - 12:24 AM
Little Hawk 21 Apr 12 - 11:02 PM
Rapparee 21 Apr 12 - 10:51 PM
Little Hawk 21 Apr 12 - 10:19 PM
Rapparee 21 Apr 12 - 10:13 PM
Acme 21 Apr 12 - 09:53 PM
Amos 21 Apr 12 - 08:16 PM
Rapparee 21 Apr 12 - 03:48 PM
gnu 21 Apr 12 - 01:49 PM
Amos 21 Apr 12 - 10:13 AM
Rapparee 21 Apr 12 - 09:50 AM
gnu 21 Apr 12 - 07:11 AM
Acme 21 Apr 12 - 12:44 AM
gnu 20 Apr 12 - 09:50 PM
Rapparee 20 Apr 12 - 09:48 PM
Little Hawk 20 Apr 12 - 08:08 PM
gnu 20 Apr 12 - 06:40 PM
Little Hawk 20 Apr 12 - 04:32 PM
gnu 20 Apr 12 - 04:27 PM
Acme 20 Apr 12 - 04:18 PM
Little Hawk 20 Apr 12 - 03:45 PM
Amos 20 Apr 12 - 03:05 PM
Rapparee 20 Apr 12 - 03:01 PM
GUEST 20 Apr 12 - 01:50 PM
Amos 20 Apr 12 - 01:35 PM
Acme 20 Apr 12 - 12:57 PM
Rapparee 20 Apr 12 - 11:35 AM
Amos 20 Apr 12 - 09:49 AM
Acme 20 Apr 12 - 02:09 AM
Acme 20 Apr 12 - 02:05 AM
Amos 19 Apr 12 - 06:33 PM
Little Hawk 19 Apr 12 - 03:47 PM
Rapparee 19 Apr 12 - 02:02 PM
gnu 19 Apr 12 - 01:33 PM
Amos 19 Apr 12 - 01:12 PM
Rapparee 19 Apr 12 - 11:07 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 19 Apr 12 - 10:50 AM
Amos 19 Apr 12 - 10:25 AM
Little Hawk 19 Apr 12 - 10:02 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Apr 12 - 10:04 PM

My ex worked at an office of a federal agency many years ago when PCs were just becoming common office tools. The oddest policy was in place - as long as the thing was running, even if it was old and decrepit, you had to repair it, not replace it. He learned a lot by ordering parts and repairing, or sending them out. They finally figured out that they saved time and a lot of money if the machines simply were - er - reformatted by dropping them hard somewhere on one corner of the box. Concrete usually worked as the surface of choice. And on the box, a back bottom corner was used is my guess.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 12 - 09:25 PM

I know, Amos. To disrupt the magnetic ranges and domains I usually use thermite. Heat does a marvelous job of erasing data.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Apr 12 - 08:50 PM

Pounding used to be the standard method of changing the polarity of five-year-old children, but it's now frowned upon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Apr 12 - 08:10 PM

Um, that's not the best way to reformat C:, Rapp...I'm jes' sayin'...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 12 - 05:53 PM

I think 'most anything hard would work. I've rearranged magnetic ranges and domains by hitting one end of the thing on the concrete floor.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Apr 12 - 04:55 PM

Yes, true. But, must it be done with a ferrous metal pounder?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 12 - 04:49 PM

Do you know that one way to change the polarity of magnetism is by pounding on the object? True!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Apr 12 - 02:49 PM

Okay, it seems to be working again....

The ability to greatly increase one's specific gravity is not a trait unique to dachshunds. Just ask the parents of a human five-year-old who has been told he can't have the latest Leggo or Transformers thingie. It's like the floor of the Toys-R-Us store has suddenly become the positive pole of the world's largest magnet, and the kid has a negative charge.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Apr 12 - 02:42 PM

Testing 1-2-3...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Apr 12 - 12:26 PM

It's not a question of inflation, Stilly. It's a matter of increasing the effect of the Earth's gravitational attraction on a single, small body, namely the Dachshund. I said that a Dachshund can increase his specific gravity by up to 800% at will! And they can. They become increadibly heavy, sticking to the floor as if to a magnet. They will not be moved! I have no idea how they do it, but they have astonishing abilities in this regard. These abilities are triggered by a desire to avoid:

1. inclement weather
2. baths
3. work
4. and inconvenience of any sort whatsoever.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Apr 12 - 12:15 PM

A dachshund who is able to inflate himself by 800% on a rainy night?

Of course! He's a member of the Elite Dachshund Special Ops Team referenced about fifty posts back. It's not a natural ability, but one achieved through a combination of selective breeding, genetic modification, intensive training, and heinous fuckery.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Apr 12 - 12:24 AM

Little Hawk, what's this I read on another thread about a dachshund being able to inflate himself (his specific gravity?) by 800% on a rainy night? Have you published on this topic? Seems to me that in an incredibly important discovery in the world of physics. And possibly in veterinary medicine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Apr 12 - 11:02 PM

What??? Again???????? Aw, fer Chrissake! What will North Ontario DO without him?

Boy, the smell must have been...just awful.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 12 - 10:51 PM

LH, Shame McBride was killed a few hours ago in a tragic accident at Tim's. He apparently grabbed for a doughnut that was still in the fryer, slipped, kicked a rather nasty "biker chick" in the ankle, and she upended him into the boiling grease. The OPP are investigating, but it appears at this time that it is being treated as a "regrettable, but fortunate, accident" and no charges will be made. The grease in the fryer had to be discarded as it was considered "too filthy now" for continued use, according to a spokesman for the doughnut chain.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Apr 12 - 10:19 PM

Noble words, Amos! With you around to defend civilization, I need never fear that decadence, ignorance, and sloth will achieve anything approaching total victory.

With Shane around, on the other hand, we may have some cause for concern...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 12 - 10:13 PM

So, go to Tucson and swing north a little bit and come visit. Eiseley'll put you up if she's sober enough, or you can stay at our place.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Apr 12 - 09:53 PM

Mudcatters criss-crossing the country. I see the Getaway thread passing up and down the screen these days. I have another trip to Tucson soon, but no further west.

I use the weed whacker to clear the grass growing through the brick patio out back. MOM can pull a chair over there and enjoy breakfast if she wants. Is anyone making muffins or croissants tomorrow? Drop a few by for her, please. I left her some yogurt and fresh fruit. The fly swatter isn't for the flies - it's to keep the dogs out of her breakfast zone. She'll have to eat fast if she's out there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Apr 12 - 08:16 PM

Wishful thinking, sirrah; despite all temptations to paste you one, I remain a gentleman, a gentle soul, no matter how earthen my coarse raiment of corporeal matter.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 12 - 03:48 PM

I think it had to do with the paste to the left window of his soul.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 Apr 12 - 01:49 PM

Too much paste in the sauce? Too much sauce?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Apr 12 - 10:13 AM

The eyes of a woman whose soul is near the surface, engaged with her thoughts, are vibrant, awake, irresistible. Those who are otherwise also show it in their eyes--silhouettes on the shade is as close as you get to the real thing.

When you look into their eyes and they are near, you fall into eternity in a heartbeat.

Hey, we had a nice lively dinner last night with a visit from Monteal Mudcatters Dorothy Parsall and Robin. We kicked up quite live and the spaghetti was delicious.

This morning, however, my head is a bit thick for some reason.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 12 - 09:50 AM

Then pull your shades down!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 Apr 12 - 07:11 AM

They say the eyes are the windows to the soul.

HEY! NO PEEKIN!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Apr 12 - 12:44 AM

Clear eyes, gray eyes, very blue eyes - these super light blue eyes like you see in Meg Foster are pretty remarkable. The eyes of poetry.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 20 Apr 12 - 09:50 PM

Minds me...

Aside... one of the lines in a song that has truly stuck with me as pure poetry is from a Jethro Tull song "White Innocence"...

"And with the clearest eyes of forever gray."

Such poetry of grand form from the same that wrote "Snot running down his nose. Greasy fingers smearing shabby clothes." and far more gross and derogatory lyrics. At odds, it seems.

Perhaps it's all poetry and it's simply my perception of the subject matter and it's presentation that either enrapts me or disgusts me. After all, poetry, and all art, is meant to engage, to effect and affect, to entertain, to disdain, to stimulate whatever emotion and sense.

Being a human is fun, innit? For the most part, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Apr 12 - 09:48 PM

Size isn't everything.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Apr 12 - 08:08 PM

Yup. Those eyes are really something.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 20 Apr 12 - 06:40 PM

"I am content if I genuinely admire the woman..." Me too. And I did admire her, mostly for her personality, sense of humour, intelligence, and so on. I just didn't know she was a lying, coniving, manipulative bitch. She played me like a fiddle from the overture on. I stayed because of a sense of committment and duty, but, in the end, I chose sanity and got out.

Maybe it's a subconcious thing but good looking women with big tits turn me off.

That pic of Winnie turns me on. Her eyes are mezmorizing. If she was smiling, I think I'd melt.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Apr 12 - 04:32 PM

I am content if I genuinely admire the woman...not just for her figure, but for her entire state of being.

I don't know enough about Winona to be sure about her enitre state of being, but I'll say this: she has wonderful eyes. And she has generally shown very good taste in her choice of movie roles. The unfortunate shoplifting incident scuppered her career at its peak just like Sinead O'Connor's career got scuppered by tearing up a picture of the Pope. Amazing how one little misstep in the spotlight can undo so much, isn't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 20 Apr 12 - 04:27 PM

I was married to a GORGEOUS woman with larrrge breasts for 13 years, 5 months, 17 days, 11 and 1/2 hours. Don't get me wrong... we had some good times... during the first week.

I don't like big tits anymore.

There's a song in that. (You don't bring me flowers anymore...)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Apr 12 - 04:18 PM

You could tuck a woman into a pair of overalls and Little Hawk would be content.

We've been around this loop a few times before in this thread, I do believe.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Apr 12 - 03:45 PM

Remember this, Amos....size isn't everything.

I can clearly see that Sophia Loren is a strikingly beautiful woman. No question about that. However, she never really turned me on, whereas some others of the time did. Why? Well, that would be a little hard to explain, because it's a very subtle matter. You'd probably have to have a complete understanding of all the lives I've ever lived to even begin to be able to analyze it with any sense of completeness or certainty. It eludes me. I can only say I am aware of it, and that Sophia Loren doesn't ring the bell for me for some reason...something about her facial structure, perhaps (which is, admittedly, very good).

Or it may just be a question of who she reminds me of. Or it might be something else entirely. Maybe it's the look in her eyes. I find something kind of "hard" in the expression of Loren's eyes, and it doesn't pull me in.

Now, have you ever seen the old movie with Jean Simmons and Gregory Peck in it? It's called "The Big Country". Jean Simmons in that movie does ring the bell for me. Why? Well, I'm not sure, but I think it's something about the level of character that she radiates, combined with a certain sense of fragility, combined with great moral strength...and the honest look she has in her eyes.

That moves me. I'm not all that concerned about the size of her breasts, although I imagine they were probably quite attractive, as breasts go.

I'll have to consult Chongo on this and see what he has to say. ;-) My guess is, he'd take either Loren or Simmons on a rainy day.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Apr 12 - 03:05 PM

Ya see, Rapp, you could have been a Foundation Member!! That's exactly what the duly-erected Board decided to pursue.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Apr 12 - 03:01 PM

Statistically, grading on the curve doesn't and cannot apply to a limited sample size, whether that sample size is two or fifty. You COULD have a sample where all of the data is "out at one end" rather than falling under a curve of normal distribution. In short, you could be making decisions from a curve of abnormal distribution. For the purposes of the TOTGG I suggest a sample size of no less than 10% of the world's total data and more if possible.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 20 Apr 12 - 01:50 PM

CurveS?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Apr 12 - 01:35 PM

Rapp:

The smell of the ocean brings back fond mammaries indeed.

Yes, Mamma Sophia was an early admittee into the Temple's Hall of Eternal Gratitude. It's like the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, only different. We grade on the curve.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Apr 12 - 12:57 PM

Surely she is the founding-goddess of your Temple of Golden Globes?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Apr 12 - 11:35 AM

What is it in the picture that has you excited, Amos? Is it the ship? The ocean? The fishing nets? Or, as an old salt, is it all three and the memories they bring back?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Apr 12 - 09:49 AM

Oh, my beating heart... Jeeze, I remember now why she was so widely respected...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Apr 12 - 02:09 AM

This is the one I was looking for. Just a hard working fishwife, right?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Apr 12 - 02:05 AM

Sophia has nothing to worry about. Nothing at all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Apr 12 - 06:33 PM

Human jealousy was not invented yesterday...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Apr 12 - 03:47 PM

Bring it on, you despicable infidels! Our valorous fighters will exterminate all who attempt to impede our noble mission! Truly, your doom is written in scarlet letters upon the everlasting white marble walls of eternity! (Arf! Arf!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Apr 12 - 02:02 PM

Our Agents report that the street address of the Jihad headquarters in "Orilla" is located at 835 West Ridge Boulevard. Raw materials for ammunition is stored 0.31 miles away, at bearing 257 degrees. This storage area is bounded by trainee housing and offices on one side and training areas on the other three. We await more information but feel that we would go with what we have.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Apr 12 - 01:33 PM

"... are there any cultural or historic artifacts there that would bar such a course?"

Gordon Lightfoot.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Apr 12 - 01:12 PM

He was bound out to roam
Over river and foam
A wild-eyed adventure, a ringer!
While she, all alone
Was doomed to stay home,
So he asked what she'd like him to bring her.

'Though he meant it quite kind
Her wiley young mind
Was quick as a fox when it runs
And she asked, with a tear
For a small souvienier
That weighed at least several tons!

Oh, bring me a menhir, Mein Herr!
From your travels away over there!
When you come back, my dear,
Oh, bring me my menhir,
TO show me how deeply you care!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Apr 12 - 11:07 AM

Decoded message from Agent Obelix: WHERE WILD BOAR FOUND ORILLA? FOOD NEEDED TO DELIVER MENHIRS.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 19 Apr 12 - 10:50 AM

OFFICIAL GOVERNMENT ADVISEMENT


In the event of Dachshund invasion, citizens are advised to disperse copious amounts of "Bitch-in-Heat" spray in ground floor areas of dwellings and retreat to upstairs rooms. Male Dachshunds will not be able to pursue because everybody knows Dachshunds with erections can't climb stairs.

Those living in single-story dwellings should also use "Bitch-in-Heat" spray. It won't keep the Dachshunds at bay, but it will cause them to be more interested in humping your leg than in ripping your throat out.

(Okay, "ripping your throat out" may be a bit hyperbolic. Make that "mauling your ankles".)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Apr 12 - 10:25 AM

I don't see how you can expect a million dachshunds to clean up the whole country of Canada when three of them can't even keep one house cleaned up. Do the math, really. The countryside will be littered with chewed up clothing and urine stains. I suggest you recalibrate your fantasizer, buddy.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Apr 12 - 10:02 AM

Ah...they're onto us! Too late, suckers! A billion Dachshunds can't be stopped. (no more than a million budgies)

You asked, "are there any cultural or historic artifacts there that would bar such a course?"

Yes. The Stephen Leacock Home. The Orillia Opera House. The Champlaine Monument, and most important of all...the William Shatner School of BAAAAD Acting, located just outside town off Highway 11. It's a lovely campus.

The there's also the historic fire hydrant that Belch Senior used to pee on every morning when he went out to do the rounds. Belch Senior was Orillia's most famous Dachshund. He used to parade around town in the 1920s and '30s, before the war. He was a Dachshund of unusual style and ability, and he smoked cigars! No word of a lie, as Shane would say. Belch would amble over to the smoke shop on Mississauga Street and the owner would give him a cigar. Those were the days when dogs could freely wander about downtown, and no one cared...long gone, alas! At any rate, Belch would walk around with the cigar in his mouth and approach a passerby and give him a commanding look, whereupon the man would stoop down and light the cigar. Belch would then smoke the stogie ostentatiously for the next 15 minutes or so, simultaneously horrifying and impressing all the other dogs, who were not fond of the smoke, but nevertheless acutely aware of the fact that Belch had upstaged them dramatically. He ruled the downtown. He got free sausages from the butcher. He got his face on the front page of the Orillia Packet & Times on numerous occasions. He may well have been the most famous dog of his time. Belch Senior passed away on Christmas Day, 1939, and is buried in the old Catholic Cemetary. One of his numerous progeny, Belch Junior, went on to have a starring role on CBC radio in the 1940s and 50s, playing dogs on various radio suspense and adventure shows. He seamlessly impersonated mountie's faithful German Shepherd companions by barking heroically into the microphone at appropriate times.


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