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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 13 Jul 16 - 01:09 PM
Rapparee 13 Jul 16 - 11:33 AM
Little Hawk 13 Jul 16 - 11:08 AM
Rapparee 13 Jul 16 - 10:06 AM
Little Hawk 13 Jul 16 - 09:38 AM
gnu 12 Jul 16 - 06:04 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 12 Jul 16 - 12:00 PM
Rapparee 12 Jul 16 - 08:27 AM
Little Hawk 12 Jul 16 - 01:49 AM
Amos 12 Jul 16 - 01:44 AM
Rapparee 11 Jul 16 - 10:59 PM
Acme 11 Jul 16 - 10:39 PM
Rapparee 11 Jul 16 - 07:29 PM
Little Hawk 11 Jul 16 - 05:03 PM
Rapparee 11 Jul 16 - 04:15 PM
Little Hawk 11 Jul 16 - 11:52 AM
Acme 11 Jul 16 - 11:32 AM
Amos 11 Jul 16 - 01:36 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Jul 16 - 10:13 PM
Rapparee 10 Jul 16 - 10:11 PM
gnu 10 Jul 16 - 09:29 PM
Amos 10 Jul 16 - 09:03 PM
gnu 10 Jul 16 - 08:13 PM
gnu 10 Jul 16 - 07:57 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Jul 16 - 06:57 PM
Rapparee 10 Jul 16 - 06:48 PM
gnu 10 Jul 16 - 04:41 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Jul 16 - 04:40 PM
Rapparee 10 Jul 16 - 01:59 PM
Rapparee 09 Jul 16 - 10:48 PM
Amos 09 Jul 16 - 08:24 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 09 Jul 16 - 11:07 AM
Rapparee 09 Jul 16 - 09:14 AM
Amos 09 Jul 16 - 01:37 AM
Acme 09 Jul 16 - 12:54 AM
Rapparee 08 Jul 16 - 10:27 PM
Rapparee 08 Jul 16 - 08:58 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 08 Jul 16 - 07:34 AM
Rapparee 07 Jul 16 - 11:39 PM
gnu 07 Jul 16 - 05:35 PM
Amos 07 Jul 16 - 11:27 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 Jul 16 - 10:35 AM
Rapparee 07 Jul 16 - 10:05 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 Jul 16 - 06:57 AM
Amos 07 Jul 16 - 02:04 AM
Little Hawk 06 Jul 16 - 11:48 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Jul 16 - 11:06 PM
Amos 06 Jul 16 - 09:02 PM
gnu 06 Jul 16 - 07:01 PM
Little Hawk 06 Jul 16 - 12:04 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 16 - 01:09 PM

The plane landed in Deadhorse and two people climbed down the stairs, one of medium height and one smaller. The smaller's arms hung down to the knees. Both were wearing cold weather gear against the wind and the -48C temperature.

Once in the heated airfield office they took off much of the heavy clothing. Two women, one a chimpanzee and the other a jumpsuit. The clothing was obviously of excellent design and manufacture.

"Well," said Penelope Rutledge (for that was the taller), "where is she?"

"She said she'd meet us...there she is!" exclaimed Chinga, for she was the other one, and pointed to another chimpanzee waiting beyond the security gates.

As they passed out of the landing and reception area the waiting chimp came over to them. She, too, was well dressed.

"Chonga, my dear sister!" said Chinga "How are you? How are things going? You've met Penelope, of course."

"Yes, I have. I remember very well our little escapades in Chicago, for it made me what I am today. I suppose," she continued reflectively, "I was never very happy as a male."

"Glad to see you again," said Penelope, shaking hands with Chonga.

"And how is Veronica?" asked Chonga.

"She's well. She took the veil, you know, and entered a cloistered Abbey in the Pyrenees. From her last letter she has been named Sub-Prioress. She seems to enjoy her new life; I worry about her and will be visiting the Abbey this spring."

"Shall we continue these discussions elsewhere? Perhaps over dinner?" suggested Chinga. The flight seemed too long and I could use refreshing. Where are we staying?"

"The Prudhoe Bay. Best hotel in town, of course. And here comes our snowcat now!"

A vehicle looking like a van on tracks (which is what it was) pulled up. The driver collected the baggage and stowed it and then opened the door and showed the three into a rather luxurious passage compartment.

"To the hotel, please," said Chonga. She turned to the other two and said, a twinkle in her eye, "there's only one good enough."

And away, in a cloud of snow, they went.

(What next? And what about the General?)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 16 - 11:33 AM

Yeah, the town was expecting that and is ready. Of course, Chongx's idea of "cleaning up the town" is not throwing poop.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Jul 16 - 11:08 AM

That is for sure! Almost any change would be an improvement. Chongo says he is going to have Pocatello "cleaned up" after he is elected. I'm not sure how that would be accomplished, but I think it would begin with removal of the "undesirables", meaning about 80 to 90% of the present population.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 16 - 10:06 AM

How did such a good lookin' young woman come to be related to you, Bee Dub? Why don't you tell her about the joys and thrills of Pocatello, Idaho so she can move here? The town needs all the beautifyin' it can get.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Jul 16 - 09:38 AM

Wow. Your niece Isobel is a very beautiful and natural looking young woman, Bee-dub! She looks like one of those girls from the late 1960's.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 Jul 16 - 06:04 PM

Rather good looking, I agree.

Now. Ants. Fuckers. The weather has been non-cooperative with cold and rain. But, today... 30C and sunshine and it is forecast to continue. So, then. Cotton balls laced with a boron, sugar and water mixture are about to be unleashed on said pissmires. They don't know whose lawn they are fucking with.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Jul 16 - 12:00 PM

Hi, Mom. I have now been to Biloxi, Mississippi! No, I didn't go to see Toby Keith, nor did I go to gamble away my life savings at any of the many casinos there. A niece has moved to New Orleans, and Biloxi, being about half-way between Pensacola and New Orleans, was a convenient spot to meet for lunch and a bit of touristy type stuff. It was very pleasant, particularly since said niece is a particularly beautiful human being (CLICK). Despite being a millenial, she has no piercings (ears included), no tattoos, doesn't wear makeup, leaves her hair in its natural color, and doesn't polish her nails. She does shave her legs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jul 16 - 08:27 AM

So their mutual home is in Orilla, and it's considered the glittering jewel of the country? It's okay with me, but since Leacock died when Lightfoot was six years old I have to assume from your statement that Gordon has some psychologically interesting...proclivities. I'd have thought that the health department would have been involved long ago.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Jul 16 - 01:49 AM

Rap - I mean that the town of Orillia is their home, you moron!

As for you, Amos, keep in mind the fact that we *may* grant you asylum one day if you need it...I say "may"...but the offer may just as well be rescinded if you go too far.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jul 16 - 01:44 AM

Rave on, Master Hawk, rave on. Some day the light of Truth will penetrate even through your thick, snow-sodden conifers and enlighten even the far reaches of your grim, God-forsaken village with its dusty, ash-coated byways and dingy shadows.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 16 - 10:59 PM

"...home of Stephen Leacock and Gordon Lightfoot, the glittering jewel in the crown of Simcoe County."

Stephen Leacock and Gordon Lightfoot shared the same home? I didn't know they were...um...friends.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Jul 16 - 10:39 PM

Uh oh. Does Chongo have a facebook page? (It is possible, you know).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 16 - 07:29 PM

Der Donald has bought Simcoe County up in Canada to "turn [it] into a big-ass golf course. I'm going to call it the Trump Rump Course. It will be excellent, truly excellent. Best course in Canada!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Jul 16 - 05:03 PM

Sheesh. It's like listening to the ravings of some dipsomaniac halfwit...

Yokels? You silly man! This is an arts town, a centre (Canadian spelling) of sophistication and culture, the home of Stephen Leacock and Gordon Lightfoot, the glittering jewel in the crown of Simcoe County. We don't even allow dumbass yokels from states like Idaho or Texas to enter this town until they've been de-loused and checked for infectious diseases.

Furthermore, we have a well-armed citizenry here, an experienced militia ready to answer the call when any of you Yankees dare to violate our sovereign borders as you did back in 1812. And we know how to handle our guns too, because unlike you hairy-arsed swamp and prairie dwelling yahoos, we have to pass a proper firearms training course before we are allowed to buy our guns. So we know how to use them, eh?

Go buy some of those inferior Dunkin' Donuts, drink some more crap American beer, and count your admittedly meager blessings.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 16 - 04:15 PM

Yokels protecting hokum? Given the firearms laws in Canada I assume that they're doing the guard bodying with nerf balls.

"Don't git near the candydate! I'll throw this nerf ball atcha!! I ain't foolin'!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Jul 16 - 11:52 AM

I just spent a lovely weekend at the Mariposa Folk Festival. Music, music, music. Life is good. Chongo was unable to attend, which is a shame, because he would have loved it, even if there was no whisky provided in the beer tent. Several locals have volunteered to serve as bodyguards for Chongo, since Chimpanzees in suits aren't usually seen in these parts. He's becoming a minor celebrity around here, thanks to Facebook.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Jul 16 - 11:32 AM

I think a post of mine went walkabout - during the skimpy posting of the weekend MOM was above the line, but barely.

I made bread last night - the house smells wonderful this morning! Sammiches for lunch.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jul 16 - 01:36 AM

Fear is a really weird fluid, kinda like Silly Putty. Squeeze it in one place and it pops up in another. No rhyme or reason to it. If there were reason to it, it wouldn't be fear. See?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Jul 16 - 10:13 PM

There are probably 20 or so road signs on the road where I live. They're all shot full of holes except for two that say "Church". It's like the local rednecks aren't scared of the sheriff's deputies who'd bust 'em for shooting speed limit signs, but they're afraid they'll go to Hell for shooting holes in the ones that belong to Jesus.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 16 - 10:11 PM

'Sides, it keeps them Yanks from finding us when they come invade us the neks time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 10 Jul 16 - 09:29 PM

I was called, in disdain from some offended Cash fans, Johnny Cashed one night about forty years ago at a pub. Played/sang Burning Ring Of Fire. My cover lyrics... about chili and hemorrhoids. No sense of humour had those southerners from Albert County, NB. You think YOU got rednecks "down south". These folks take a chainsaw to all the road signs and use em fer bonfires. "Listen up, boy... if you don't know where you are, y'all shouldn't be here!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jul 16 - 09:03 PM

That's a very fine voice indeed.

My son called to report that a new friend of his, a pretty girl, had been looking up his Facebook links and had been gushing about my videos. Called me Johnny Cash. I suppose that is a compliment, really! :D

Mom, do you think BS will ever be replaced by AI?

I don't. I mean "Mother of All AI" just doesn't feel the same, uless you're talking about Ada Lovelace.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 10 Jul 16 - 08:13 PM

BTW... while I am up here on this smelly high steed from which I pontificate, hear ye far and wide that ye sinners shall burn for all eternity if you do not REPENT!

Nice vocals and instrumentals eh? Even though that part about the pregnant girl being saved by The Lord from the Long Black Train is kinda overdoing it a tad. Literary bullshit or some such is the technical term, I think.

Oh... yeah! I must go find that other one... or two... two faced bastard makes good music, he does.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 10 Jul 16 - 07:57 PM

S'amatter? You don't like the redneck, white and blue? Commie pinko bastard! John Wang would whip you with his big dick you fuckin hippie.

Get those foreskins in a circle jerk. John and Toby are gonna kick your ass.

Disclaimer. As I hope everyone knows, I respect all military members. But, I don't like the jingoism shit like the stuff Toby makes money from. Just sayin, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Jul 16 - 06:57 PM

Mom! Why am I seeing advertisements for a Toby Keith concert in Biloxi, Mississippi? I don't like Toby Keith. I've never been to Biloxi. And, most importantly, the concert date is July 1st. That's nine days ago! But the ad is still up! Gluon can go to a concert in the past, but I can't. If I could, I'd go back and see Jimi Hendrix not Toby Keith.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 16 - 06:48 PM

Same Mom, different post.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 10 Jul 16 - 04:41 PM

Mom is from the desolation of The Pit? Gee. I had know idea.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Jul 16 - 04:40 PM

A Prayer for Mom

Now I lay me down to sleep
A sack of bullshit at my feet
If Mom should fall before I wake
Help her up, for goodness sake!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 16 - 01:59 PM

Refresh! Same Mom from the desolation of The Pit!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jul 16 - 10:48 PM

Yes, Al Turing. Turning was Ed Turning, who used to fix flats at Joe's Standard Station. Good man, Ed, but he died in 1957 and probably never did much with computers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 16 - 08:24 PM

I think you meant Turing, rather than Turning, although turning is definitely an eternal theme.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Jul 16 - 11:07 AM

And Mom bless Gluon.

Quark!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jul 16 - 09:14 AM

Stay with us, Mother MOAB. Bless our endeavors or endeavours on your behalf. Bless the Max, the Creator, and each of the mods. Bless the servers, restore them, and keep them safe from all harm. Bless all of their little diodes and triodes, their LEDs and LCDs, all their parts. Bless all of Max's parts and those of the mods as well. And bless all of your children, even Amos, and especially your fave rave, me. This we ask in the ineffable names of Turning, Babbage, Lovelace, Bartik, Boole, Cerf, von Neumann, Hopper, Ritchie, Grace, and all your saints. Arpanet!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 16 - 01:37 AM

What a friend we have in MOAB!
All our posts and whims to bear!
What a joy it is to see her,
Carrying our posts Up There!

Etc., etc.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Jul 16 - 12:54 AM

MOM may be the only think keeping Mudcat afloat this evening.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jul 16 - 10:27 PM

That goodness I posted that history about PR in time or Mom would have fallen!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jul 16 - 08:58 AM

This is dedicated to the one I lo...I mean, Bee Dubya Ell.
**********************************************************

Penelope stretched and laid back in the chaise longe. Always so much to do, she mused. Keeping up with the family investments, seeking out new ground for investments...well, the Alaska thing should be profitable when they get past the Sorry Paling bunch. As they say Up There, "The odds are good, but the goods are odd." She was certain that Chinga and she could tap into some of the goods.

Ballsworthy quietly approached, noted that she'd drifted off to sleep, and took the telephone back into the house. He left a new drink, knowing that she wouldn't sleep long.

Penelope was tickled awake by a butterfly landing on her nose. She sneezed and it flew away.

She looked at her watch. Heavens! It was four-thirty and the General was due for dinner at six! She sipped the gin and tonic, again was amazed at how well Ballsworthy had slipped into being a butler. She's taken him in as a broken man with a police record, given him a job in the stables, and he'd risen quickly in the household. In the old days he'd have given anything to obtain access to the information that was now spread before him, and he was uninterested except when it impinged on his job and then only as long as was necessary. She smiled and thought, from the muck to the stars.

Well, she only had an hour now to get ready for her guest. Hadn't seen him in far, far too long. Since before she made the mistake of marrying...well, that was fixed now and the past was literally buried. And he had the VC now, as well as the CGC. She knew that on the next honors list he'd be able to add KCOBE to his list of letters. Heavens, but he was weighed down with medals -- the Legion de Honnore, the US' Medal of Freedom, and who knew what else? She silently giggled and thought that if he ever fell in the pond his medals would prevent him from rising to the surface.

There was a diffident knock on the door.

"Yes?"

"Ballsworthy, Miss Penelope. The General is here."

"Thank you. Please set out the decanter of Louis Royer. I'll be down in a very few minutes."

(General? What general? And what will they be having for dinner?)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 Jul 16 - 07:34 AM

Oh dear! The latest episode of the Penelope/Chinga/Chonga/Ballsworthy/etc. adventures did not post! Please, please, please do your very best to reconstruct the post so I may ignore it. My day simply is not complete unless I ignore a faux Little Hawk post or two. And don't even suggest that I go back and ignore an earlier installment. It just would't be the same.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jul 16 - 11:39 PM

The latest episode of the Penelope/Chinga/Chonga/Ballsworthy/etc. adventures did not post! Lost! Lost for eternity in the Big Bitbucket in the Sky! Fortunately I have poetry to assuage my feelings!

Be kind to all little ones,
All fathers, mothers dear,
Be kind to your little ones,
Their little hearts to cheer.
For oh! you know not how soon
Their place will vacant be;
If God should call one to his home,
Your conscience would be free.

Their little forms are tender,
They're at your mercy now;
They need your kind attention
To watch them every hour.
While they are little infants,
My friends, take time to spare:
Do not forget an instant,
To give them tender care.

God, he never did intend
You to misuse your child;
Their little souls to you he sends
To bless you for awhile.
And if you always will be kind
To them, sweet little ones,
Oh! what a blessing you will find
In after years to come.

You never, never will repent,
Dear friend, for being kind;
Those little ones to you were sent,
And always bear in mind,
That God may call your little ones
And leave you here behind;
Oh! what a happy thought will come --
I always have been kind.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 07 Jul 16 - 05:35 PM

12C and rain. I have a hoody on as I type. The pigeons that sit on the wires outside my window and stare at the back of my hood (I know they do; I have caught them doing it) and wish they were dry too do not unnerve me even if there are far more of them than my army of one. I fear not for my will is strong and my is arsenal armed to the teeth. They shan't dare attack. They shall sit soaked and shivering upon my wires to the world and I shall ne'er accommodate those rats with wings on any level. Flea infested vile vermin.

Besides, I sold my truck and I park my car in the garage so WTF are they gonna do? Shit on my driveway? I wear shoes. HA!

I wonder what they taste like. Damp, I expect.

Hey, A! Enjoy!

Hey, BWL! I cooked my fav last night. Bacon On a Stick. Well, it was a fork... a forked stick... made of steel. Anyway, here is the recipe. Ingredients : fried bacon and beer. Directions : fork the fried bacon into your mouth with beer to wash it down. It's an old family recipe so keep it to yourself.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jul 16 - 11:27 AM

I just KNEW there was more to those gals than met the eye. Or the I. Whomever. Good job, M. Rapp!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Jul 16 - 10:35 AM

I have received the following Private Message from Mom:

Dear Bee-dubya my idiot son,

I have prepared and tried the Mom's Breakfast Bowl recipe you posted and found it most excellent indeed. However, I would like to offer a few suggestions for improvement.   First, it really should be served with a funnel cake on top. Better yet, a funnel cake, a cone of cotton candy, and a deep-fried Snickers bar.   And alcohol. Don't you think the whole thing would be improved by tossing in a double shot of tequila? And figure out some way to serve it on a stick. Like dip golf ball-sized globs of it in funnel cake dough and deep fry them, then stab 'em with bamboo skewers.   You could rename it Mom's Breakfast on a Stick.

Love,

Mom


Sometimes I worry about Mom.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jul 16 - 10:05 AM

Penelope said, "Hi, Chinga! How's tricks?"

There was a peal of laughter from the phone and Chinga replied, "Still turning! Business has been great! You get the financials, don't you?"

"Yes, and we're doing pretty well, aren't we? I don't like the looks of the Alaska venture, though -- tell me truly, how's that going? You sent Chonga up there when? in 2018? It's been two years."

Chinga sighed and replied, "Yes, and I went up a couple months ago to check on things. Chonga is really doing her best, but there's a lot of amateur competition, and then there's the Paling syndicate. That ex-governor knows where the bodies are frozen."

"Can I help? This is a big project and our investments are on the line."

"Yes, they are. Indeed they are! I've got about thirty mil in this and you've got about the same. Hmmm...perhaps a deal with the Paling bunch."

"I'll 'deal' with them. Leave it to me. I've been wondering if it was this sort of thing holding us back. I'll put the Corporation on it."

"Violence?" Chinga sounded appalled.

"Not unless we have to. Just some gentle reminders to certain select 'entrepreneurs" who should be working with us instead of that Sorry crowd. You and I know that politicians are more powerful than pistols."

"As long as they stay bought," chuckled Chinga. "Those are the only honest politicians."

"Chinga, I'll be sending some more cash. Look for it in the Bank of Alaska box -- the second one, the special purposes one. And some Corporate members will need rooms in Anchorage -- perhaps at the Captain Cook. The Presidential Suites. And in Juneau! Perhaps we'd better buy an up-scale condo there, as we'll be having a lot of business there. And do keep this from your sister! She should find that certain obstacles have been cleared. You must pardon me, but you got the brains when you twins were conceived."

"And she has never had much brawn -- just bragging. Yes, I realized that long, long ago. But we are agreed then?"

"Yes. I'll ring up from friends. Bye for now!"

"Bye!" And the connection was broken.

Penelope called another number.

"Leo? This is Momma. Anchorage and Juneau, Alaska. Political deal, nothing else unless it's very, very needful. I'll have more info to you shortly. Movement starts in about a fortnight." And she hung up.

(Penelope? Co-chairing an international conglomerate with Chinga? It appears so!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Jul 16 - 06:57 AM

I don't get this whole "Make America grate again!" thing. Who does this guy think he is that he wants to make Americans grate cheese? Yes, pre-grated cheese is a bit lazy and it costs a tad more, but so what? People who eat lots of tacos probably save a couple of hours a year by not having to grate their own cheese. And if you multiply that couple of hours by all the taco lovers in the US, that's millions of hours! Yes, millions of hours that could be spent finding a cure for toenail fungus or something.

And if the "Make America grate again!" campaign wins, who's to say what comes next? "Make America prepare tortillas, guacamole, and refried beans from scratch again?" Forget it! If your typical American has to work that hard to make a taco or enchilada, he's just going to make a hamburger instead.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jul 16 - 02:04 AM

Mwahahaha. Without our tender and compassionate attentionate, Sir Hawke, Chonga would have been buried as a half-monstrous impulse not worthy to be admitted in human discussion. So don't give yourself airs. You created Chongo against the pressured expectations of Others, and I created Chinga against the pressured expectations of Little Hawk. No-one denies you credit for the remarkable authorship involved in bringing him through from the wild Afric jungle. But no more should you try so hard to squelch the reasonable consequences of your inserting him into our conversation.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Jul 16 - 11:48 PM

If I had not created Chongo in the first place and brought him into your and Rap's dull little online lives, Amos, you would never have even thought of Chinga. "She" is an aberration, a misbegotten conception achieved through the marriage of a Spanish language swear word and a stolen idea...stolen from me, no less. I suppose, since imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, that I should be somewhat flattered that you and Rap even bothered to steal from me in this manner...but...hmmm...no, I don't really see the point of being flattered in this case. It would be like Julius Caesar feeling flattered over the creation of Caesar salad.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Jul 16 - 11:06 PM

What if Chongo, Penelope, et al are real and Little Hawk is a figment of their collective imaginations?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jul 16 - 09:02 PM

CHinga ecxists just as surely as Ballsworthy or Corridus or the stupid chimp brother who left her abandoned when he fled to America. You don't get to unmock Chinga while asserting the existence of that flea-bitten poop-flinger, no sirreee, Bob!

Hey Mom! I am off to do something new and different (for me, anyway). I am addressing the monthly gathering of a local Book Club on the subject of my thrilling novel, Beyond the Cascdade. How 'bout them apples!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 06 Jul 16 - 07:01 PM

Surely you mean CUBAR?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Jul 16 - 12:04 PM

YES!!! "The Little Match Girl" is one of my absolute favorites in MacGonagall's luminous writings! It really just couldn't BE any better than that, could it? He had them weeping in the aisles.

Nice to see Mr Ballsworthy back "on the pitch", as it were. Still, I must advise that:

1. Chinga Chimp does not exist, she never did, and never shall.

2. "Chinga" is just a very common Mexican swear word. Nothing other than that. It means "fuck".

and...

3. You are chinga'ed if you don't know that, sir! You are CBAR. (chinga'ed beyond all recognition)


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