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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Janie 09 Jun 10 - 12:15 AM
Eiseley 08 Jun 10 - 11:41 PM
Rapparee 08 Jun 10 - 11:31 PM
Janie 08 Jun 10 - 10:29 PM
Rapparee 08 Jun 10 - 08:58 PM
Rapparee 08 Jun 10 - 08:03 PM
Little Hawk 08 Jun 10 - 05:02 PM
Amos 08 Jun 10 - 05:01 PM
Rapparee 08 Jun 10 - 05:00 PM
Little Hawk 08 Jun 10 - 02:47 PM
Rapparee 08 Jun 10 - 01:54 PM
Little Hawk 08 Jun 10 - 01:49 PM
Amos 08 Jun 10 - 01:17 PM
Rapparee 08 Jun 10 - 12:09 PM
Amos 08 Jun 10 - 01:18 AM
Rapparee 08 Jun 10 - 12:27 AM
Little Hawk 07 Jun 10 - 11:28 PM
Amos 07 Jun 10 - 11:13 PM
Eiseley 07 Jun 10 - 10:35 PM
Janie 07 Jun 10 - 10:32 PM
Eiseley 07 Jun 10 - 10:19 PM
Rapparee 07 Jun 10 - 10:13 PM
Eiseley 07 Jun 10 - 10:00 PM
Janie 07 Jun 10 - 09:43 PM
Eiseley 07 Jun 10 - 09:37 PM
Janie 07 Jun 10 - 09:34 PM
Eiseley 07 Jun 10 - 09:15 PM
Rapparee 07 Jun 10 - 04:59 PM
Little Hawk 07 Jun 10 - 04:54 PM
GUEST,Rev. Tommy Lee Staggers 07 Jun 10 - 04:11 PM
Acme 07 Jun 10 - 03:13 PM
Rapparee 07 Jun 10 - 02:43 PM
Amos 07 Jun 10 - 12:11 PM
Rapparee 07 Jun 10 - 11:21 AM
Rapparee 07 Jun 10 - 11:20 AM
Amos 07 Jun 10 - 07:48 AM
Acme 07 Jun 10 - 12:24 AM
Amos 06 Jun 10 - 09:09 PM
Rapparee 06 Jun 10 - 09:01 PM
Rapparee 06 Jun 10 - 08:59 PM
Eiseley 06 Jun 10 - 08:53 PM
Rapparee 06 Jun 10 - 08:47 PM
Eiseley 06 Jun 10 - 08:24 PM
Rapparee 06 Jun 10 - 08:12 PM
Amos 06 Jun 10 - 07:48 PM
Rapparee 06 Jun 10 - 07:24 PM
Eiseley 06 Jun 10 - 05:54 PM
Acme 06 Jun 10 - 05:42 PM
Eiseley 06 Jun 10 - 03:33 PM
Janie 06 Jun 10 - 03:03 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 09 Jun 10 - 12:15 AM

*chortle!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 08 Jun 10 - 11:41 PM

Location of Rapaire's Treasure!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jun 10 - 11:31 PM

It would be a perfect size for an elf or the egos of Certain People I Could Name But Won't. Actually, I intend to fill it with gold and jewels and bury it in some remote location. I need a volunteer to guard it throughout eternity except from me, but then I'll have to get killed or forget where I buried it. Eventually a scrap of a map I'll draw will be found and lead to all sorts of excesses as people try to find it. Someday someone will wise up and use something like ground-penetrating radar or sheer luck and end up wealthy beyond their wildest dreams except that the government will take it all in taxes.

I know where I'm going to bury it, too. Here's a hint: third star from the right and straight on 'til morning.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 08 Jun 10 - 10:29 PM

Building your own coffin? But you just retired....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jun 10 - 08:58 PM

Well, Mom, the first stain is on the outside of the box, excluding the lid. Red oak, and it looks pretty good so far. Of course it WOULD, considering the artisan.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jun 10 - 08:03 PM

All of them -- presentation copies by the author to my father, who was the model for Chandler's detectives.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Jun 10 - 05:02 PM

What he wants to know is, do you have any first editions of the Raymond Chandler novels in good condition?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jun 10 - 05:01 PM

I'd be careful about not letting things get too chongo'd up while you are away attending to legal matters, Rapaire. But thanks for the brave (if somewhat delusional) confession. Now if we could only get Bobert to come clean about that herbal wholesaling amphibious operation...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jun 10 - 05:00 PM

Chongo wants to read my copy of The Sagas of Iceland? Or is he after my autographed copy of The Crass Menagerie?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Jun 10 - 02:47 PM

I, for one, am ecstatic! You were wise to come forth with this information and make a clean breast of it, Rapaire. Your soul will be the better for it. After a suitable period of incarceration, giving you time to medidate upon your sins of the past, I expect you will emerge a changed man, a man filled with compassion and a desire to assist the poor and downtrodden. In the meantime Chongo can keep an eye on your property and make sure the library is put under good management.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jun 10 - 01:54 PM

Alright, I did it. I am the Geezer Bandit! I robbed those banks! I also robbed the Deadwood Stage, the Tower of London, the Hell-Bound Train (it was on the way the San Diego), the Northfield Bank, and the Brink's vault in Boston. Among my many victims are the Sheriff of Nottingham, Jesse and Frank James, Reginald Kray, Hernando Cortez, Edward Teach, and Mother Theresa.

There. I admit it all. Are you happy now?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Jun 10 - 01:49 PM

You're welcome, Rapaire. ;-) I always do what I can to cheer up a friend.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jun 10 - 01:17 PM

As you know, I am not six feet tall, akthough I am still growqing... You, on the other hand, have the right dimensions. Hmmmmmm?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jun 10 - 12:09 PM

Poor man only held up the bank to get money to buy shoes, I guess.

Amos, I have an iron-clad alibi for yesterday (the Monday I suppose the article refers to). I was robbing a bank in Hayfork at the time and it's all on film. So there.

YOU, on the other hand....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jun 10 - 01:18 AM

I was wondering why Rapaire was so fervent in his alibi about talking to Bobert. I found out the REAL story.

POWAY Ń The so called ŇGeezer BanditÓ struck again Monday afternoon, making it 10 bank robberies for the senior robber in San Diego County, the FBI said.

He got away with an undisclosed amount of cash after robbing a US Bank branch inside an Albertsons on Pomerado Road near Twin Peaks Road about 2:55 p.m.

The robber presented the teller with a demand note, pointed a small caliber revolver at the employee and threatened to use it, the FBI said. He was last seen leaving an exit on the north side of the grocery store with an undisclosed amount of cash, the FBI said.

No one was hurt.

The ŇGeezer BanditÓ is believed to have robbed 10 banks since August 2009.

He is described as white, between 60 to 70 years old, about 6 feet tall and weighing approximately 190 pounds with an average build. He was last seen wearing a navy blue blazer, a navy blue or black baseball cap, dark pants and was carrying a pistol.


Jeeeze, Rapaire, at least drop by for a beer after the job. I won't turn you in...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jun 10 - 12:27 AM

Thank you both. LH, those are the nicest things anyone has said to me in months. That's because no one talks to me. I think my deodorant has failed, and I put in on fresh just before Christmas when I took a bath.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 11:28 PM

Damn. My last witty post vanished somehow into thin air. And I didn't even find that out until several hours later.

It's all your fault, Rapaire. You are a worn-out dildo, a witless cypher, a malodorous twit devoid of any redeeming features, a pimple on the fair face of life, and a canker in the sorrowing mouth of Eternity. A pox on you and all your issue! May you perish miserably in a pit of vipers, laughed at and scorned by all who knew ye. And when you proceed from there unto the Fires of Perdition, may even the imps in Hades draw back in mute disgust as you shamble by them wearing a sign on your back that says, "Kick me. Do it now."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 11:13 PM

When Rapaire says he is going to be staining the box, is he talking about the two-holer he has forced his long-suffering wife to put up ever since they moved to the boonies? In which case I would submit he has done quite enough staining of it already. Or, perchance, is he like Pequod's QueeQueeg going to lie around in his own coffin staining it with his sweat and his other liquid byproducts until he gets his way and is allowed to by the Next Big Gun??


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 10:35 PM

Exactly! Well, it doesn't have to be composted, it can be the real thing, fresh and warm and steaming, just like Mom likes it served up.

E


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 10:32 PM

Oh! So mist is composted BS?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 10:19 PM

Okay. Let it end.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 10:13 PM

Dear Mom,

There comes a time when you have say, "That's it. I just can't do any more. I have to end it."

That time has come for me.

So, Mom, I have done all that I can do. Tomorrow I will start staining the box.

Your Fave Rave,
R


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 10:00 PM

Well, I sure don't want swirling green "mist" to surround earth. It belongs in the garden, as fertilizer.

E


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 09:43 PM

do I want to know what "mist" means in German?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 09:37 PM

Do you know what "mist" means in German?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 09:34 PM

Green mist?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 09:15 PM

Dear MOM,
A friend told me about a bumper sticker she has on her car. It says, "I love my cat. She doesn't care."

But I know you love your kids, even when they fight and flout the law.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 04:59 PM

LH, you "mow the law when it needs it"?????????? Are you missing a letter in there or do you really cut down the laws of Canada when they need it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 04:54 PM

I already HAVE repented, you stupid twat! I gave up my false gods of Mammon on June 13, 1981. I still use Money, but I regard it with casual aplomb, as calmly as I would a cloud passing in the sky. My Licentious Behavior, once awesome in its variety and complexity, has been set aside for an interest in gardening. My Lewd Dancing never really amounted to much, and I have by now left it completely behind me. I naturally honour the Creator in all kinds of ways. For example, I have a morning ritual to remember the martyrdom of King Kong, and I pray daily for a liason with Winona Ryder. As for Charity, I feed the squirrels, chipmunks, and birds. As for Evangelism, I attempt to persuade people to abandon personal attacks on each other and discuss actual issues instead. As for Good Works, I mow the law whenever it needs it!

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to fit through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter Heaven!"

Izzat right? Are you sure? Okay....well, I'm definitely not rich, so I guess I'm covered on that one.

****

p.s. I just noticed that I called you a "stupid twat" above. I may have caused offence to the Creator in so doing, I may have sinned...but then again, maybe not. The Creator may also think you're a stupid twat, in which case I've not sinned at all. I'm taking my chances on this one.... ;-D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rev. Tommy Lee Staggers
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 04:11 PM

You have little time left to REPENT! The Green Comet of Doom will soon be in the skies, the Green Comet foretold in Revelations! Repent, all of you, and pray that in the swirling green mist which will soon surround Earth you might be spared, yea, even Taken Up! Give up your false gods of Mammon, Money, Licentious Behavior, Lewd Dancing, and begin honoring The Creator with prayers, charity, evangelism, and good works! Remember that it is easier for a camel to fit through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter Heaven!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 03:13 PM

Amos, you should have swung by there with the kayak. Picked up any shreds that were missed when the bales were collected.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 02:43 PM

Stop playing naive, Amos. First of all, Bobert doesn't have the kind of money needed for that much weed. Secondly, he doesn't have the kind of money needed for a plane ticket to San Diego Sur La Merde -- he's a bluesman, fergoshsakes! Thirdly, I kinda doubt that the Hispanics around your neck of the woods would understand his Spanish; he's a bluesman, you know. Fourthly, I spoke with him on the telephone just the other night when, if your scenario is correct, he would have had to have been on the road to California.

No, I can think of only one person who would be able to mastermind such an operation, someone with local connections, whose Spanish is somewhat passable, and who has the old dough-re-mi to finance such a deal.

Hear the boots on the stairway, Amos? That's the DEA, the FBI, and the San Diego wing of the Tea Party coming to take you away. Those guys talked, Amos. They spilled their guts.

It was nice knowing you. I had hoped to see you again at Getaway; now I can only hope you can make yours.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 12:11 PM

You are SOOOO special, Rapaire!

In other news, SAN DIEGO—U.S. Coast Guard officials have arrested two smugglers accused of stashing some 1,400 pounds of marijuana in a coastal San Diego cave near the border with Mexico.
Petty Officer Henry Dunphy says crews apprehended the two Mexican nationals early Saturday after someone reported seeing a small fishing boat being unloaded on a secluded shore near the Sunset Cliffs beach community.

They also followed the person's directions to a nearby cave where the bales of pot were found.

Dunphy says the suspected smugglers were handed over to U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement.

That agency did not return a phone message seeking details about the suspects' status.


Now, I have voiced my disgruntlement about Rapaire coming downhere and holding up the local banks under the pseudonym of the Geezer Bandit, but now Bobert is doing it too!! He doesn't write or call, blows into town, gets a couple of innocent Hispanics to do his grunt work for him, and next thing you know, he's back in hicksburg pretending he never left his pea-patch!! The nerve of that boy!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 11:21 AM

I got it! A palindromic spinner!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 11:20 AM

Yeah, we use the same thing out here. 'Course, we ain't got no skeeters and sich up here in the mountains. Jist some stingin' things that make you itch and spread West Nile virus -- but the Chamber o' Commerce says they ain't skeeters. Ol' Curly ran through one over at the Legion Hovel the other day and strained hisself somethin' fierce.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 07:48 AM

OUt here we use this new fangled thang called, I believe, a screeyun. Keeps the bugs out but lets the breeze come right through. Wunnerful tech.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 12:24 AM

Hot and muggggggy tonight. Time for the mosquito netting over the beds in the house, MOM. And doesn't it look neat when the lightening bugs drift into the room, perch on the netting, and glow on and off?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jun 10 - 09:09 PM

Well, yes, I was, Rapaire, but it was in my younger years.

Maybe you are thinking of old Tom Moore from the days of '49.

Eiseley, thatta gal. Don't take any crap from this guy!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jun 10 - 09:01 PM

It's useful knowing how old people are. For example, suppose I wanted to find out about what it was like to be a miner in Hangtown -- why, I'd just ask Amos because he was there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jun 10 - 08:59 PM

I'm under that, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 06 Jun 10 - 08:53 PM

You need new batteries in your calculator.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jun 10 - 08:47 PM

Which would make me 59 years old, and I'm not that, either. So there!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 06 Jun 10 - 08:24 PM

Well, I am NOT twice her age. I'd have to [be 1 to] the 146[th power minus 60] years old and I'm not, yet.

You forgot to be mathagrammatically correct.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jun 10 - 08:12 PM

You think she's a sweet young thing, don't you, Amos. Well, I am NOT twice her age..I'd have to the 146 years old and I'm not, yet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jun 10 - 07:48 PM

Yeah, but you are twice herself's age, Mike. Keep it in perspective! :D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jun 10 - 07:24 PM

Oh, fer Guinness sakes! All worked up and excited about getting a Master's degree. Why, 'tain't nothin' a-tall. Shucks, they went an' give me one, din't they?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 06 Jun 10 - 05:54 PM

You know, I think I will, Stilly. It'll give me even more motivation to keep on, since He Who Calls Himself the Prime Mo[tivator] decided to retire.

Next May, next May, calloo callay!

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Jun 10 - 05:42 PM

If you chose to come down to Denton (or Fort Worth), TX, Eiseley, we can do a close approximation of Hell right now. Pretty darned hot this weekend! And of course, good company!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 06 Jun 10 - 03:33 PM

Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. --M.T.

I'll choose the company any day!

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 06 Jun 10 - 03:03 PM

I think he meant the 6th book of Daniel Jackson - you know, the SG-1 "conscience" of the the team who "ascended" at the end of the 5th season? You a disciple, reverend?

You realize, of course, it is only a tv show. Yes?


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