Lyrics & Knowledge Personal Pages Record Shop Auction Links Radio & Media Kids Membership Help
The Mudcat Cafebrownie

Post to this Thread - Printer Friendly - Home
Page: [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] [19] [20] [21] [22] [23] [24] [25] [26] [27] [28] [29] [30] [31] [32] [33] [34] [35] [36] [37] [38] [39] [40] [41] [42] [43] [44] [45] [46] [47] [48] [49] [50] [51] [52] [53] [54] [55] [56] [57] [58] [59] [60] [61] [62] [63] [64] [65] [66] [67] [68] [69] [70] [71] [72] [73] [74] [75] [76] [77] [78] [79] [80] [81] [82] [83] [84] [85] [86] [87] [88] [89] [90] [91] [92] [93] [94] [95] [96] [97] [98] [99] [100] [101] [102] [103] [104] [105] [106] [107] [108] [109] [110] [111] [112] [113] [114] [115] [116] [117] [118] [119] [120] [121] [122] [123] [124] [125] [126] [127] [128] [129] [130] [131] [132] [133] [134] [135] [136] [137] [138] [139] [140] [141] [142] [143] [144] [145] [146] [147] [148] [149] [150] [151] [152] [153] [154] [155] [156] [157] [158] [159] [160] [161] [162] [163] [164] [165] [166] [167] [168] [169] [170] [171] [172] [173] [174] [175] [176] [177] [178] [179] [180] [181] [182] [183] [184] [185] [186] [187] [188] [189] [190] [191] [192] [193] [194] [195] [196] [197] [198] [199] [200] [201] [202] [203] [204] [205] [206] [207] [208] [209] [210] [211] [212] [213] [214] [215] [216] [217] [218] [219] [220] [221] [222] [223] [224] [225] [226] [227] [228] [229] [230] [231] [232] [233] [234] [235] [236] [237] [238] [239] [240] [241] [242] [243] [244] [245] [246] [247] [248] [249] [250] [251] [252] [253] [254] [255] [256] [257] [258] [259] [260] [261] [262] [263] [264] [265] [266] [267] [268] [269] [270] [271] [272] [273] [274] [275] [276] [277] [278] [279] [280] [281] [282] [283] [284] [285] [286] [287] [288] [289] [290] [291] [292] [293] [294] [295] [296] [297] [298] [299] [300] [301] [302] [303] [304] [305] [306] [307] [308] [309] [310] [311] [312] [313] [314] [315] [316] [317] [318] [319] [320] [321] [322] [323] [324] [325] [326] [327] [328] [329] [330] [331] [332] [333] [334] [335] [336] [337] [338] [339] [340] [341] [342] [343] [344] [345] [346] [347] [348] [349] [350] [351] [352] [353] [354] [355] [356] [357] [358] [359] [360] [361] [362] [363] [364] [365] [366] [367] [368] [369] [370] [371] [372] [373] [374] [375] [376] [377] [378] [379] [380] [381] [382] [383] [384] [385] [386] [387] [388] [389] [390] [391] [392] [393] [394] [395] [396] [397] [398] [399] [400] [401] [402] [403] [404] [405] [406] [407] [408] [409] [410] [411] [412] [413] [414] [415] [416] [417] [418] [419] [420] [421] [422] [423] [424] [425] [426] [427] [428] [429] [430] [431] [432] [433] [434] [435] [436] [437] [438] [439] [440] [441] [442] [443] [444] [445] [446] [447] [448] [449] [450] [451] [452] [453] [454] [455] [456] [457] [458] [459] [460] [461] [462] [463] [464] [465] [466] [467] [468] [469] [470] [471] [472] [473] [474] [475] [476] [477] [478] [479] [480] [481] [482] [483] [484] [485] [486] [487] [488] [489] [490] [491] [492] [493] [494] [495] [496] [497] [498] [499] [500] [501] [502] [503] [504] [505] [506] [507] [508] [509] [510] [511] [512] [513] [514] [515] [516] [517] [518] [519] [520] [521] [522] [523] [524] [525] [526] [527] [528] [529] [530] [531] [532] [533] [534] [535] [536] [537] [538] [539] [540] [541] [542] [543] [544] [545] [546] [547] [548] [549] [550] [551] [552] [553] [554] [555] [556] [557] [558] [559] [560] [561] [562] [563] [564] [565] [566] [567] [568] [569] [570] [571] [572] [573] [574] [575] [576] [577] [578] [579] [580] [581] [582] [583] [584] [585] [586] [587] [588] [589] [590] [591] [592] [593] [594] [595] [596] [597] [598] [599] [600] [601] [602] [603] [604] [605] [606] [607] [608] [609] [610] [611] [612] [613] [614] [615] [616] [617] [618] [619] [620] [621] [622] [623] [624] [625] [626] [627] [628] [629] [630] [631] [632] [633] [634] [635] [636] [637] [638] [639] [640] [641] [642] [643] [644] [645] [646] [647] [648] [649] [650] [651] [652] [653] [654] [655] [656] [657] [658] [659] [660] [661] [662] [663] [664] [665] [666] [667] [668] [669] [670] [671] [672] [673] [674] [675] [676] [677] [678] [679] [680] [681] [682] [683] [684] [685] [686] [687] [688] [689] [690] [691] [692] [693] [694] [695] [696] [697] [698] [699] [700] [701] [702] [703] [704] [705] [706] [707] [708] [709] [710] [711] [712] [713] [714] [715] [716] [717] [718] [719] [720] [721] [722] [723] [724] [725] [726] [727] [728] [729] [730] [731] [732] [733] [734] [735] [736] [737] [738] [739] [740] [741] [742] [743] [744] [745] [746] [747] [748] [749] [750] [751] [752] [753] [754] [755] [756] [757] [758] [759] [760] [761] [762] [763] [764] [765] [766] [767] [768] [769] [770] [771] [772] [773] [774] [775] [776] [777] [778] [779] [780] [781] [782] [783] [784] [785] [786] [787] [788] [789] [790] [791] [792] [793] [794] [795] [796] [797] [798] [799] [800] [801] [802] [803] [804] [805] [806] [807] [808] [809] [810] [811] [812] [813] [814] [815] [816] [817] [818] [819] [820] [821] [822] [823] [824] [825] [826] [827] [828] [829] [830] [831] [832] [833] [834] [835] [836] [837] [838] [839] [840] [841] [842] [843] [844] [845] [846] [847] [848] [849] [850] [851] [852] [853] [854] [855] [856] [857] [858] [859] [860] [861] [862] [863] [864] [865] [866] [867] [868] [869] [870] [871] [872] [873] [874] [875] [876] [877] [878] [879] [880] [881] [882] [883] [884] [885] [886] [887] [888] [889] [890] [891] [892] [893] [894] [895] [896] [897] [898] [899] [900] [901] [902] [903] [904] [905] [906] [907] [908] [909] [910] [911] [912] [913] [914] [915] [916] [917] [918] [919] [920] [921] [922] [923] [924] [925] [926] [927] [928] [929] [930] [931] [932] [933] [934] [935] [936] [937] [938] [939] [940] [941] [942] [943] [944] [945] [946] [947] [948] [949] [950] [951] [952] [953] [954] [955] [956] [957] [958] [959] [960] [961] [962] [963] [964] [965] [966] [967] [968] [969] [970] [971] [972] [973] [974] [975] [976] [977] [978] [979] [980] [981] [982] [983] [984] [985] [986] [987] [988] [989] [990] [991] [992] [993] [994] [995] [996] [997] [998] [999] [1000] [1001] [1002] [1003] [1004] [1005] [1006] [1007] [1008] [1009] [1010] [1011] [1012] [1013] [1014] [1015] [1016] [1017] [1018] [1019] [1020] [1021] [1022] [1023] [1024] [1025] [1026] [1027] [1028] [1029] [1030] [1031] [1032] [1033] [1034] [1035] [1036] [1037] [1038] [1039] [1040] [1041] [1042] [1043] [1044] [1045] [1046] [1047] [1048] [1049] [1050] [1051] [1052] [1053] [1054] [1055] [1056] [1057] [1058] [1059] [1060] [1061] [1062] [1063] [1064] [1065] [1066] [1067] [1068] [1069] [1070] [1071] [1072] [1073] [1074] [1075] [1076] [1077] [1078] [1079] [1080] [1081] [1082] [1083] [1084] [1085] [1086] [1087] [1088] [1089] [1090] [1091] [1092] [1093] [1094] [1095] [1096] [1097] [1098] [1099] [1100] [1101] [1102] [1103] [1104] [1105] [1106] [1107] [1108] [1109] [1110] [1111] [1112] [1113] [1114] [1115] [1116] [1117] [1118] [1119] [1120] [1121] [1122] [1123] [1124] [1125] [1126] [1127] [1128] [1129] [1130] [1131] [1132]


BS: The Mother of all BS threads

MMario 03 May 10 - 11:08 AM
Rapparee 03 May 10 - 10:57 AM
Amos 03 May 10 - 10:10 AM
Amos 02 May 10 - 10:10 PM
Rapparee 02 May 10 - 08:44 PM
Eiseley 02 May 10 - 06:36 PM
Rapparee 02 May 10 - 06:24 PM
Amos 02 May 10 - 04:52 PM
Rapparee 02 May 10 - 02:57 PM
Amos 02 May 10 - 02:31 PM
Acme 02 May 10 - 12:21 PM
Rapparee 02 May 10 - 11:53 AM
Amos 02 May 10 - 11:04 AM
Amos 02 May 10 - 12:04 AM
Rapparee 01 May 10 - 09:52 PM
Rapparee 01 May 10 - 09:48 PM
Eiseley 01 May 10 - 08:12 PM
Amos 01 May 10 - 07:05 PM
Rapparee 01 May 10 - 05:36 PM
Acme 01 May 10 - 04:37 PM
Amos 01 May 10 - 03:28 PM
Rapparee 01 May 10 - 03:12 PM
Amos 01 May 10 - 02:28 PM
Rapparee 01 May 10 - 10:30 AM
Amos 01 May 10 - 09:05 AM
Amos 01 May 10 - 08:59 AM
Amos 01 May 10 - 12:31 AM
Eiseley 01 May 10 - 12:11 AM
Acme 30 Apr 10 - 10:51 PM
Rapparee 30 Apr 10 - 10:36 PM
Amos 30 Apr 10 - 10:01 PM
Rapparee 30 Apr 10 - 09:36 PM
Rapparee 30 Apr 10 - 09:13 PM
Rapparee 30 Apr 10 - 09:06 PM
Amos 30 Apr 10 - 08:21 PM
Acme 30 Apr 10 - 07:52 PM
Rapparee 30 Apr 10 - 05:10 PM
Rapparee 30 Apr 10 - 05:07 PM
Little Hawk 30 Apr 10 - 04:50 PM
MMario 30 Apr 10 - 04:26 PM
Amos 30 Apr 10 - 04:08 PM
Little Hawk 30 Apr 10 - 03:57 PM
Amos 30 Apr 10 - 03:27 PM
Acme 30 Apr 10 - 03:09 PM
Amos 30 Apr 10 - 02:09 PM
Little Hawk 30 Apr 10 - 01:32 PM
Rapparee 30 Apr 10 - 12:36 PM
MMario 30 Apr 10 - 09:56 AM
Rapparee 30 Apr 10 - 12:51 AM
Rapparee 30 Apr 10 - 12:48 AM
Lyrics & Knowledge Search [Advanced]
DT  Forum
Sort (Forum) by:relevance date
DT Lyrics:






Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 May 10 - 11:08 AM

This explains your rapport with the Squid over at the Tavern....the two of you have a long history.


I always thought the demise of the Mississippi Squid was due to the extinction of the riparian fur sharks; one of their major foods.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 May 10 - 10:57 AM

All right then, Sir Amos!

        You'd see them sometimes when you'd go fishing, usually in the Spring but, sometimes, in mid-Fall. Thousands of them in the river, fighting to find the mouth of the creek at the headwaters of which they were born.

        Their colors — bright gray and brilliant red and deep green and what even looked like a flash of blue — would dazzle you on a sunny day as they leapt from the water, trying to get to their spawning grounds.

        Most wouldn't make it. They'd be eaten by the bears which gathered along the creek banks or be taken by eagles or, for many, exhaust themselves trying to make the spawning grounds and die in the attempt.

        Those that did make it would spawn and then try to run the gauntlet again to make it to open water -- some few made it, but most didn't. They left their egg stalks cemented to stones on the bottom of the creeks, and one person said that these deposits of eggs looked like gardens of flowers.

        Eventually the eggs would hatch and the squid larva would fight their way to the river, only to repeat the cycle some years later. It had been going on for thousands of years, this spawning of Architeuthis Mississipiensis gigans, the giant squid of the Mississippi, which everyone simply called "big squid."

        Boaters didn't like them. During spawning season or when a school of squid would appear on the surface there would be so many squid that boats couldn't run their motors without damaging the propellers. Fisherfolk didn't like them because they couldn't be eaten — it was said that they tasted like ammonia — although a few were used for bait. Barge operators didn't like them because it was said that REALLY big ones attacked barges at night, which really scared the crews even though no one was ever hurt.

        Gradually the numbers of squid declined. Some people said it was because of pollution, but most said that it was because the squid migrated elsewhere. Dam workers reported giant schools of squid moving downstream, and the New Orleans newspapers said that "immense numbers of squid" had passed the city on the way to the Gulf of Mexico.

        So the next year they were missing from Cedar Creek, just as they were missing from all of the creeks around town. And we missed seeing them. Like nearly everyone in town, we liked watching the squid as they made their journey upstream. Even people like boaters liked to watch the shoals of squid, their bodies turning pretty colors and their tentacles waving in the air.

        And of course that was the year the Walt Disney released the movie 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, which had a great scene in it about a fight with a giant squid. The same sort of squid that used to be around town in such great numbers was in a movie. A squid was a movie star, and all of them had left. Like all of the kids in town we were really disappointed that they were gone, but we thought that maybe the squid in the movie could have been one of ours.

        Then the movie came out and we found out that the squid was a bad guy that tried to sink the submarine. Nobody liked that. We knew that squid were pretty fish which didn't hurt anything except maybe barges at night, and even that wasn't proven. So after the first couple of days the movie closed because nobody went to see it.

        We hiked out to the Swamp the weekend after the movie closed. We were hoping to get some early dewberries so that Mom could make a dewberry pie for Sunday dinner. Naturally, we talked about the movie as we walked, our dewberry buckets in our hands. We each had two buckets, and in one of them was our lunch. Of course, we'd made jokes about which one was to be our "lunch bucket" before we'd left, and finally Mom had had enough and told us to go get the dewberries and, because we'd forgotten them, had tossed our lunches to us.

        But we talked about the movie and the submarine in it and about things under the sea and about the squid and how it had attacked the submarine and about how there weren't any squid around any more. Tony agreed with those who thought that the squid had left because of pollution and Ted thought that they had left because it was time for them to migrate and Martha thought that they'd left because they were angry about being made a bad guy in the movie and I thought that it might have been because of all of these reasons or maybe just because they wanted to move somewhere else for a while..

        Eventually we reached the Swamp. It was pretty much as we'd left it the weekend before: quicksand pools, dead trees, live trees, bushes, shrubs, logs, illigators, Spanish moss, muck, mud, dry land, flowers, lizards, musk ox, and all. Swamps don't change much if you leave them alone, and we liked that.

        Remembering the old saying that you should never ever pick dewberries on an empty stomach, we ate lunch and then set out for the dewberry patches. There were lots and lots of early dewberries, but you had to be careful because they grew next to quicksand pools and you could slip in pretty easily. Falling in a deep pool of quicksand -- and all of them were really, really deep -- could be a major annoyance.

        All of our left-hand buckets were filled and we'd just started on the right-hand buckets when Martha said, "What's that?" and pointed to the quicksand pool.

        "It's a big blue eye watching us," I replied. "Nothing to be alarmed about. Probably happens all the time, only you don't notice it."

        "Why would it be watching us?" asked Ted.

        "Maybe it's part of Santa Claus's surveillance system," opined Tony.

        "Maybe it's the Eye of the Swamp, watching to make sure we don't do anything bad," opine Ted.

        "Maybe it's a really, really big squid and it's going to try to capture and eat us," opined Martha.
        
        "Don't be silly," I replied. "All of the squid have left. And besides, there aren't any squid in quicksand poo....aaaawk!" And a great big tentacle wrapped itself around me and started slowly dragging me towards the quicksand.
        
        Quick as half a wink, Martha and Tony grabbed my feet and stopped my slide towards the quicksand.

        "What's a 'quicksand poo...aaawk'?" asked Ted.

        "You stupid stupid!" I exclaimed. "Help Tony and Martha hold me!"

        "Stupid! You called me stupid!" exclaimed Ted. "I've got the highest reading level in my class! So there!"

        "If you don't help us, Mike'll be dragged into that mouth," said Tony. And I looked and sure enough, there was a beak-like mouth in the quicksand, opening and closing with really nasty sounding clicks.

        "Maybe I'll tickle you, instead," said Ted. "That'd show Mike for calling me stupid."

        And he sat down on the ground with a thump.

        And another tentacle flashed out of the water and started to drag him to the quicksand!

        As he passed me, I grabbed his legs. Now I was holding onto Ted's legs while Martha and Tony were holding onto my legs, and all the while tentacles were drawing Ted and I toward Our Fate (if Tony or Martha let go).

        Just then, there was a great big jerk towards the quicksand and my legs were pulled from Tony and Martha's grips! Ted and I flew towards the Horror In The Quicksand!

        And just before Ted's head touched the quicksand, I managed to hook my right leg around a nice, big tree trunk! With another jerk, we stopped.

        Did you ever wonder what the rope feels like during a tug-of-war? Ted and I know from first-hand experience.

        For what seemed like hours we were pulled and jerked and tossed toward the quicksand. And for what seemed like centuries I hung onto that tree with my right leg.

        Tony and Martha got up and got some big sticks and started beating on the tentacles which held Ted and me.   They were forced back when other tentacles came out of the water and nearly caught them.

        "Oh no!" cried Tony. "Whatever shall we do?"

        "Oh no!" cried Martha. "Our brothers who just ate lunch with us are going to be lunch!"

        "I could let go of Ted's ankles," I said.

        "Oh no! Don't do that! I don't want to be et!" cried Ted.

        "I'm getting a cramp in the ankle that's holding us to the tree," I said.

        With that bit of news Tony and Martha jumped up and ran into the brush. They were back in just a couple of seconds, dragging a long length of grapevine. With that they proceeded to lash my leg to the tree, which let me relax my ankle just a little bit.

        Still, the thing was pulling and jerking us, trying to pull us free of the tree, and all of us knew that it might succeed. The grapevines would snap, I wouldn't be able to snag the tree again with my ankle, and then -- sluuuuuurrrrpppp! Chomp, chomp, chomp!

        "It seems to be awfully hungry," Ted panted. "I wish it could find something else to eat."

        And with that, Martha reached into one of the buckets, pulled out a handful of dewberries, and flung them right into the mouth in the quicksand! A couple sort of spattered to the side of the mouth, but a big, ugly tongue came out and licked them inside.

        With that, Tony too started throwing dewberries at the mouth. Both he and Martha missed much of the time, but that tongue would lick up the splattered dewberries. In fact, the tongue got to catching the dewberries while they were still in the air!

        All of this would have been as interesting as heck if Ted and I weren't still being pulled mouthward.

        And then, just as Martha and Tony were throwing the last of the dewberries into the mouth, the tentacles let us go!

        Ted and I flew backwards towards the tree I was tied to. I hit the tree first and then he landed on me.

        The eye and the mouth and the tentacles disappeared into the quicksand. A minute later there was a big bubble that came to the surface and broke with an "UUURPPP!" sound. Then smaller bubbles trailed off towards the other side of the quicksand pool and finally disappeared.

        "Well, that settled the left hand dewberries," I observed. "And we're going to have to pick quick if we're going to take home any at all."

        Ted got up and walked over to the buckets. I got up to follow him and fell down. Tony came over and untied the grapevine that had still tied my foot to the tree.

        "Wow! That was exciting!" I said.

        "Falling down often is," replied Tony.

        "No, no. The fight with whatever that was," I replied to his reply. "I think that must have been a big Big Squid. And I thought that they were all gone, too."

        "Well, whatever it was, it's gone now. And I don't think that I want to go over to the other side of the quicksand pool. But, maybe, hmmmm....I bet that there's a tunnel or something that connects this quicksand pool to another one and so on until you get to the river. I bet that's where whatever it was went, too. To the river," said Tony, in his longest statement thus far that day.

        "Here, Mike," said Ted. "I filled your buckets with dewberries because you saved me from being et." And he handed me two buckets full of dewberries!

        We quickly filled all of the buckets with dewberries again, and then we walked home. I had to walk with one foot in the gutter for quite a ways, but eventually my right leg returned to the same length as my left leg. Ted's legs never did return to the same length, and we had to sew strips of cloth around the bottom of his pants legs so that they'd be long enough to cover the tops of his socks (and no matter what he says, we didn't use lace ruffles).

        Mom was happy to see all of the dewberries we picked, and the next day we had dewberry pie. She also made a bunch of dewberry jam and jelly for the Winter. But that night we had carrots and caviar and croutons and crackers for dinner, and when Mom brought the calamari to the table Ted yelled, "PAYBACK!" and ate it all. Mom just looked at him and sighed, and got the cake for dessert.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 May 10 - 10:10 AM

Actually you should take on more of the responsibility for keeping Mom alivew and well with well-crafted, original BS, as you will have more time on your hands.

Unless you keep it somewhere else...

A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 May 10 - 10:10 PM

Half-done is always well-begun, I think!! Can't wait!!


NEver mind the snide remarks, Rapaire--you're retired now.

A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 May 10 - 08:44 PM

Shouldn't that be "Almost Half-Baked Amos"???


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 02 May 10 - 06:36 PM

Almost halfway done, Amos!
Eiseley


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 May 10 - 06:24 PM

Maui is pretty far West, they play
cowboy polo there, as well as in Montana and througout The West (excluding California, some of which ain't West).


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 May 10 - 04:52 PM

You'd probably spend more time putting your attention on pocket pool. Pasture pol is a new expression for me. Very droll.


A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 May 10 - 02:57 PM

If the wind's blowing over the course it could add a whole new dimension to pasture pool.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 May 10 - 02:31 PM

That would be an interesting trip indeed, for a man of so many fine acheivements...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 May 10 - 12:21 PM

I have an idea for Rap: http://bit.ly/99ZBc8. Just a suggestion, mind you, but think of the rope you can weave, the paper you can make, the smoke you can inhale. . . all on the edge of the golf course.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 May 10 - 11:53 AM

I dunno who or what the wimmen hanged. I just had to help clean up the aftermath.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 May 10 - 11:04 AM

So was there a big political hoohah about replacing the unforgettable Whoosis?


A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 May 10 - 12:04 AM

I guess the sidearms meant more to you than you wuz lettin' on, Sir R.


A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 May 10 - 09:52 PM

Amos, I apologize for complaining about you taking my much-loved palindrome. I was out of order and I realize it. Eiseley, you may have the primes.

Dibs on all the irrational and imaginary numbers!!!!!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 May 10 - 09:48 PM

I have a bottle of the Real Stuff in the fridge, should you care to sample it....

Well, some of us men cleaned up after Thursday's hangin'. That was the women that did the hangin', weren't no men involved in it. We just get to clean up afterward. Fortunately it wasn't too messy this time. Not at all like when they did Blackjack Ketchum down in New Mexico a while back.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 01 May 10 - 08:12 PM

Rapaire forgot to mention that he only gave me the empty package. It had a pretty picture on the front he wanted me to frame for him.

The problem with Rapaire retiring is that now when I hear or read something especially funny I have to run all the way across town to share the joke---instead of just running upstairs.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 May 10 - 07:05 PM

I don't thik feeding her Mormon brew was what I had in mind...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 May 10 - 05:36 PM

I don't do that. I'm thinking about setting up a speaker system and, as they start to drive, going "Hyuck, hyuck, hyuck!" or giving a loud burp or other rude noise. Small hidden speakers, of course, on my property.

Eiseley just left, taking a six-pack of Polygamy Porter ("Bring Some Home To The Wives") with her.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 May 10 - 04:37 PM

We need to find something for Rapaire to do. Other than throwing rocks at the golfers as they pass by his back fence.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 May 10 - 03:28 PM

Lord, Rapaire, you aren't used to retiremet yet, are you? There's no NEED to puff yourself up like that. You should be puffing up EISELY so she can become the Queen of Bookes for all of Pocatello.


A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 May 10 - 03:12 PM

Yeah, but mine's from Case Western Reserve University, where the Michelson-Morley Experiment, "what might be called the most famous failed experiment to date [1887]," was performed. And you can visit the EXACT SPOT where it took place, if you don't mind being run over by a transit train.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 May 10 - 02:28 PM

Yeah, me too. Zo vat?

I have two viewpoints about your assertion Rapaire, borrowed from your buddy Bill Buck the Shake:

1. "What a piece of work is a man! How noble in reason, how infinite in faculties, in form and moving how express and admirable. In action, how like an angel, in apprehension how like a god!"

2. "All that glisters is not gold, often have you heard that told. Many a man his life hath sold, but my outside to behold gilded tombs do worms enfold."


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 May 10 - 10:30 AM

That's because I've got a Master's Degree -- in SCIENCE!!!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 May 10 - 09:05 AM

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos - PM
Date: 16 Jun 06 - 10:17 AM

...If EVER there was someone who could overwhelm with pure significance, unlimited cross-references, meaning without end, semantics wholesale, and umoored syntax run amok, our Rapaire is the man to do it.


A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 May 10 - 08:59 AM

It's quiet before dawn on Saturday morning in the quiet neighborhood of University City. A warm day promised, a cool night finished. No cars yet.

The guest bath is tiled but not grouted, the tiles standing proud and separated from each other on their mortar beds, like disgruntled Republicans.

I am grateful for the weekend. Sometimes think I should go sailing for six months.

A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 May 10 - 12:31 AM

OK, Big Guy, tell ya what I'll do.

I'll give you this Palindromic Prime for your very own in exchange for two swords and six handguns. They clearly aren't what you care about at all. I will pay for Clone services to delete my post and insert any post you can get them to insert in its place. You pay for shipping.





A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 01 May 10 - 12:11 AM

Actually, Rapaire, 35353 wasn't just a palindrome, it was a prime. Those should all be mine. But I was singing Brahms tonight with the symphony, so I don't begrudge Amos the Primadrome. Here, Rap, you may plan for and post on the next three primes, as a retirement gift: 35363 35381 35393.

Eiseley


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Apr 10 - 10:51 PM

What's the next one coming up?

35353

36363, right? Well, that's only 1010 from now. Peanuts for this crowd.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Apr 10 - 10:36 PM

35353. All I wanted out of life. Just that one palindrome. And Amos took it.

I would go fling myself from the bridge and into the river except I might sprain a ankle or something....

Well, I shall enjoy knowing that Amos will be forever writhing in the mental torment of his own making, knowing that he took the only thing I really wanted, that I really cared about. The worms of grievous torture will eat their holes though his mind, inflicting upon him thousands of times, nay, millions and quadrillions of times, more anguish than his blatant theft of my beloved palindrome will ever cause me. And when he is old and gray he will pray for relief and it will not come and then, despised by all and lying desolate in the gutter, sobbing he will make his exit, repenting all the while that he took my beloved 35353. Later, from his unmarked pauper's burial site, even then, his moaning and lamentations shall be heard and his place of last repose will instead of a place of rest become a carnival attraction.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Apr 10 - 10:01 PM

Oh many's the post
You acted scary
From the safety
Of your home
Now it's all
Been proved for nuffin
Cuz I took
Yore palindrom.

There are just
Three things I wish for
They are my lady
My guitar and home,
I have them all
And more beside them
Since I took
Yore palindrome.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Apr 10 - 09:36 PM

MOM!!!

Amos took my palindrome 35353.

Ground him.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Apr 10 - 09:13 PM

As an added bonus, the fleas, crabs, mites, and various other fauna that live upon Shame's so-called body will be blown into creeks, rivers and oceans, thereby improving the fishing and giving purpose to Sham's otherwise shameful excuse for an existence.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Apr 10 - 09:06 PM

Oh, they solved THAT, Amos. The down will be borne aloft on Shame's own hot air (fetid though it might be), enter the upper air currents, and when the fringes of the circum-polar winds come over Pocatello the fluff will be trapped by fine nets held aloft by ultra-high altitude balloons. The dandruff was a problem but when it was realized that it would fall to earth in a "winnowing" process as the down was borne upwards the problem was solved. Of course, there is the danger that folks living in Nova Scotia or New Brunswick or PEI or other points East of Blind River might think they were having a sudden snowfall and freeze to death but that's not the Legion's problem.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Apr 10 - 08:21 PM

Plant your garden with complete presence in the now and total attention on every root and leaf. All will be well.

The Legionairres are busy writing a business plan on a napkin, involving collecting Shane-down by frightening the beJesus out of the boy at regular intervals and vacuuming up the shedding that occurs. They're still figgering on the dandruff filter part though.


A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Apr 10 - 07:52 PM

Whoo hoo! It's the weekend! Anything exciting happening down at the Legion Hall, or shall I work in the garden and clean the garage as planned?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Apr 10 - 05:10 PM

It indicates the deep fear and respect that Shane inspires in others when he bears down and gets serious.

Or it might be better said to indicate their deep laughter and disgust.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Apr 10 - 05:07 PM

The last thing Shame posted was:

Date: 27 Apr 10 - 01:06 PM

Don ain't old yet. But he is BALD! And I will never flippin' let him ferget it neether. I have hair to, like, die for, eh? But Don is bald on top! Bald on top! Bald on top! He whweres a flippin' baseball cap to hide it but everybuddy knows! Ha! Ha! Ha!

- Shane


As I explained before, when Shame was quite young he was hitting a tree stump with a sledge hammer and a..little accident...happened. As a result he HAS no body hair (although I suppose he might have a fluffy down) and sings (if you can call it that) a very high soprano. I understand that before he stopped bathing at age 6 or so he was being actively recruited for the Papal Choir.

I worried about Shame? Il est a rire, mon vieux!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Apr 10 - 04:50 PM

You give him enough beer or other intoxicants to render him unconscious (meaning...you give him a lot). You then strip off his outer clothing and shear off the down carefully. It is highly recommended to wear a gas mask while doing so.

The down can be used to repel attacks from rampaging bears, mad dogs, and rogue elephants who are in "musth".


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 30 Apr 10 - 04:26 PM

Shane bears down? Is it as warm as goose down? What kind of treatment is required? (Shane is not the most hygenic person, I imagine it needs to be scoured)

HOw the heck is it harvested?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Apr 10 - 04:08 PM

Nous qui avons erré dans la nuit immobile
Envoyer nos prières, à vous qui
Éloignez-vous de l'ombre à la prudence attentive.
C'est pour vous que nous prenons ces risques.
Nous comprenons qu'il est pour nous
Que vous réjouez de la lumière du soleil et du vent.


Pierre de Coups de Pied Fort
Vers d'une Ame en Ruines
Loqumariaquer, Brittany, 1949


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Apr 10 - 03:57 PM

The silence here is deafening! It indicates the deep fear and respect that Shane inspires in others when he bears down and gets serious.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Apr 10 - 03:27 PM

IT is known throughout the civilized world as pencil lead, event hough it is graphite. You know this, Stilly. You've heard bad whiskey "outs lead in your pencil", surely?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Apr 10 - 03:09 PM

Small distinction, but that is graphite, not lead. Close relative, though.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Apr 10 - 02:09 PM

The guy who threatened to fill Rapaire's hide with lead was a tattoo artist who does his prototyping with an Eberhard Faber #2.

A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Apr 10 - 01:32 PM

I note that you have not dared to even acknowledge Shane's challenge.

Scared, eh?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Apr 10 - 12:36 PM

Because I gave it to her.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 30 Apr 10 - 09:56 AM

MOM just texted me and wants to know why Eiseley knows the size of Rap's pencil.

I told her it wasn't a euphamism; that Eiseley was actually talking about the writing impliment.

I think she bought it.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Apr 10 - 12:51 AM

And my wife was at a hangin' all day, and will be at a hangin' tomorrow and Saturday.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Apr 10 - 12:48 AM

The ducks were not in order and it was a sudden decision based upon health considerations (mine -- her father found out, there was some talk about "filling [my] hide full of lead" and something about being "jerked to Jesus"). I have been spending A LOT of time dealing with various bureaucracies, federal, state, and local as well as making certain mah shootin' ahrns are in good shape, no strangers are hanging around when I go out, stuff like that.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate
Next Page

 


You must be a member to post in non-music threads. Join here.


You must be a member to post in non-music threads. Join here.



Mudcat time: 21 September 5:32 PM EDT

[ Home ]

All original material is copyright © 1998 by the Mudcat Café Music Foundation, Inc. All photos, music, images, etc. are copyright © by their rightful owners. Every effort is taken to attribute appropriate copyright to images, content, music, etc. We are not a copyright resource.