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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 05 Jul 09 - 09:52 PM
Rapparee 05 Jul 09 - 09:50 PM
Rapparee 05 Jul 09 - 01:59 PM
Acme 05 Jul 09 - 01:34 PM
Rapparee 05 Jul 09 - 12:48 PM
Acme 05 Jul 09 - 12:04 PM
Rapparee 05 Jul 09 - 11:56 AM
Little Hawk 04 Jul 09 - 11:39 PM
Acme 04 Jul 09 - 11:26 PM
Rapparee 04 Jul 09 - 11:14 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 04 Jul 09 - 09:33 PM
Rapparee 04 Jul 09 - 09:18 PM
Amos 04 Jul 09 - 08:11 PM
Rapparee 04 Jul 09 - 06:31 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 04 Jul 09 - 05:26 PM
Rapparee 04 Jul 09 - 05:01 PM
GUEST,Amos caat Barky's 04 Jul 09 - 04:32 PM
Acme 04 Jul 09 - 11:46 AM
Rapparee 04 Jul 09 - 09:57 AM
Rapparee 03 Jul 09 - 08:42 PM
Acme 03 Jul 09 - 07:45 PM
Little Hawk 03 Jul 09 - 06:52 PM
Rapparee 03 Jul 09 - 06:24 PM
Rapparee 03 Jul 09 - 09:38 AM
Amos 03 Jul 09 - 09:35 AM
Little Hawk 03 Jul 09 - 12:45 AM
Rapparee 02 Jul 09 - 06:00 PM
Little Hawk 02 Jul 09 - 03:40 PM
Amos 02 Jul 09 - 02:36 PM
Amos 02 Jul 09 - 10:26 AM
Amos 02 Jul 09 - 10:11 AM
Rapparee 02 Jul 09 - 09:49 AM
Little Hawk 02 Jul 09 - 12:40 AM
Little Hawk 02 Jul 09 - 12:36 AM
Amos 02 Jul 09 - 12:11 AM
Little Hawk 01 Jul 09 - 11:58 PM
Acme 01 Jul 09 - 11:52 PM
Little Hawk 01 Jul 09 - 11:27 PM
Amos 01 Jul 09 - 11:22 PM
Rapparee 01 Jul 09 - 10:03 PM
Rapparee 01 Jul 09 - 06:57 PM
Acme 01 Jul 09 - 06:47 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 01 Jul 09 - 06:19 PM
Little Hawk 01 Jul 09 - 05:03 PM
Amos 01 Jul 09 - 04:28 PM
Little Hawk 01 Jul 09 - 04:13 PM
Amos 01 Jul 09 - 03:57 PM
Little Hawk 01 Jul 09 - 01:39 PM
Rapparee 01 Jul 09 - 01:19 PM
Little Hawk 01 Jul 09 - 01:09 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jul 09 - 09:52 PM

I found you going down the garden path, Mom, on your shortcut to the other side of the tracks. You've got to know the neighbors talk about you when you hang out with those low-life, lesser threads, Mom. It is not becoming. It's non-U. It's below the salt.

Thanks for taking care of Mom, while I tore through the heartland of the West driving down from Oakland. Eight hours of freeway is enough to make you believe in high-speed rail, dude!!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jul 09 - 09:50 PM

I take a nice ride in the country and find Mom consorting with the bottom dwellers.

What a nice lot!

It's okay Mom, I've still here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jul 09 - 01:59 PM

Only put a first=-class stamp on it and he'll receive it postage due, saving you some money. He won't mind.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Jul 09 - 01:34 PM

The post office is set for this kind of shipping. It's called turd-class postage.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jul 09 - 12:48 PM

Oh, good! Why not mail it to him? Parcel post isn't that expensive and I'm sure he'd appreciate having more.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Jul 09 - 12:04 PM

I could offer a supply. The dogs keep the yard well-stocked.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jul 09 - 11:56 AM

Everyone is cordially invited to Bee-Dubya's for the First Annual MOAB Barbecue And Dung Melt. Just bring yourself; he's supplying all the beer, barbecue, and dung.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jul 09 - 11:39 PM

The best way is to freeze the dung first...it is then quite easy to melt it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Jul 09 - 11:26 PM

Silly, just leave it on the yard in the rain. It'll melt.

Good thing I was able to talk MOM out of putting 233 candles on her Independence Day cake. It would have caught the porch roof on fire.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jul 09 - 11:14 PM

I'll be dunged, I didn't know that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 Jul 09 - 09:33 PM

You have to tear the dung before it can be melted. If the dung isn't torn, it won't melt. You can chop it, slice it, hack it, saw it, hew it, cut it, or dice it and it still won't melt. Only tearing will do. Ripping may work, but only if the particular piece of dung doesn't know the difference between ripping and tearing. You can fool some of the dung some of the time, but you can't fool all the dung all the time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jul 09 - 09:18 PM

How do you melt dung? I've seen it runny, dry, burned, and au naturel, but never melted.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jul 09 - 08:11 PM

SIlly--it's the "torn and melted dung of poets", not "the dung of torn and melted poets". Poets melt at the drop of a hat but they do not tear easily, being of extra-terrestrial fibers cunningly contrived by the gods.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jul 09 - 06:31 PM

Torn melted poets have dung? I'd think they'd be too torn and melted for that. I'd think too that would make them raku or whatever that stuff is called where you stick a poet in a kiln full of dung.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 Jul 09 - 05:26 PM

Did you know that an anagram for "Golden Toned Trumpet" is "Torn Melted Poet Dung"?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jul 09 - 05:01 PM

Ahem. Everyone will please note that the "light of [Amos's] life" is someone who plays the trumpet. Not the pianoforte, not the uillean pipes, not the ukelele, not the guitar, not the drums, but the trumpet.

The trumpet. The chosen instrument of the gods (and, by proxy, Amos). The trumpet, whose golden tones have the power to stir hearts to battle or to lull babies into tender sleep. Think of those who have played the trumpet -- Miles, Satch, Diz and the others -- and compare them to the drug-besotted louts like Jimi and Jerry and Liberace and then ask yourself which instrument epitomizes Truth, Justice, Equality, and all that human race holds dearest. The answer comes loudly and clearly: the trumpet!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Amos caat Barky's
Date: 04 Jul 09 - 04:32 PM

Oakland is glowing under an early summer sun, and the streets are quiet, calmed by light winds from the peaceful bosom of Lake Merrit. Barkey is scooping avocados and odds and ends into a bowl for guacamole. Barky is the light of my life. Elvis is singing in the kitchen. I am rested after a long weary drive. Mudlark and I were up until the wee hours swapping tunes. It was most peaceablw evening.

Happy Independence Day, Mom. May you always have more independence than you need, just in case.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Jul 09 - 11:46 AM

Reminds me I'll have to bring the dogs in for a while this evening. All of the [illegal as hell and fire danger is high] fireworks in the area get them worked up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jul 09 - 09:57 AM

Happy Independence Day, Mom. Now, don't you go holding the firecrackers, lighting the fuse, and throwing them at people like last year! And don't light the bottle rockets while holding the stick and then toss them up in the air, either. And stop whining; we'll have some nice sparklers for you later on if you're still awake.

And I've found your M-80s and M-100s and I've hidden them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jul 09 - 08:42 PM

I took Monday off. I've got THREE DAYS!!! to do what I want (withing the law, ethics, and the local mores, of course).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Jul 09 - 07:45 PM

Friday! No long weekend for me, I had to craft one out of Saturday and Sunday and a vacation day today. I've been busy, MOM. You want me to pick you up anything from the store?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Jul 09 - 06:52 PM

Humph. You're just trying to snag the inheritance, that's all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jul 09 - 06:24 PM

I've watched all day, Mom, to see who would save you. But when you were only nine from bottom I felt I had to do something and so I have. Amos is at that Irish saint's place, Saint Louie O'Bispo and who knows what the others are up to?

But I'm here, Mom, to comfort you and assure you that SOMEONE cares.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jul 09 - 09:38 AM

Imperfection. Perfection is the enemy of imperfection, of course.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jul 09 - 09:35 AM

We all have our faults, eh? Including faultlessness. Perfection is the enemy of...well, of something, anyway.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Jul 09 - 12:45 AM

Well, look at the bright side. If the bridge gets washed out, you can just walk home regardless. Others must wait on the far side of the river.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jul 09 - 06:00 PM

Yes, I humbly admit to being a legend in my own time. It's a tough job but someone must do it. And let me tell you, it's tough alright. Between the groupies, the fans, and those who want only to touch the hem of my garment life is quite hectic. It seems like every day I'm curing a couple of blind folks or raising the dead or driving out a few dozen demons. Oy, am I glad to get home at night and sip a nice glass of chilled wine (which started out as ice water, of course).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Jul 09 - 03:40 PM

Excellent work, Rapaire. Your truthfullness is exceeded only by your honesty and humility...which of course are legendary.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jul 09 - 02:36 PM

Mom, Mom!!

I am hitting the road to San Luis Obispo where I will spend the evening singing with Mudlark and drinking good red wine.

Aha!!!

Ciaou, tutti mi amorati!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jul 09 - 10:26 AM

Thanks, Still, for the link to the NPR cut from Vieux Farka Toure. Very enjoyable piece of fusion across the ages.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jul 09 - 10:11 AM

Snerf....mrrrfqbltz...mwwwww...erf.....mwa..mwa...MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jul 09 - 09:49 AM

Sorry, I don't do requests. That might require me to lie, and untruths are anathema to me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Jul 09 - 12:40 AM

Rapaire, are you there? I need your special talents to contribute to a major boasting session on the "I am boycotting the MJ Obit thread" thread.

It's right up your alley. Ebbie and I are the participants so far. I just know you can further up the ante. Have a look at our posts of about an hour ago.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Jul 09 - 12:36 AM

Ha! I knew Liebenscheiss would jump on that like a dachshund on week-old roadkill.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jul 09 - 12:11 AM

Ach, Leedle Hack, you are scheeing der schoe fitt venn it vas neffer made fer yer footen, ja? Das ist VELLY intelestink, ja??? I am schinkink ve needt to be doink schum more Verke, mein schatz!!!!!



Liebenscheiss


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Jul 09 - 11:58 PM

I think he probably meant WAV, but I wondered about a couple of lines. As for parodying BB's sonnets, I did that a few times but had to stop...it only seemed to encourage him to post more of them. ;-D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Jul 09 - 11:52 PM

Little Hawk, have no fear.

I kept them all, each couplet lame,
I knew no meter, felt no shame,
I knew someday they'd bring me fame,
Those rhymes from my younger years.

But now I sense the gathering ghost,
And online spend my days in boast,
Where I post and post and post and post
The rhymes from my younger years.


How could it be anyone but the vacuous Walksabout Verse? (He would have to write a syrupy sonnet to pillory Bearded Bruce).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Jul 09 - 11:27 PM

Amos, that was a damned funny poem you wrote. ;-D What I want to know is...was it supposed to be about me? Or WAV? Or both of us?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jul 09 - 11:22 PM

Well, jes' as well, honey chile. He's gonna need it to fend off all that snow.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jul 09 - 10:03 PM

Mom! Mom! My nephew in Michigan has a new job, and at only $2 per hour less than the one he had with Dow Automotive! He'll have to move to Springfield, IL but that's where he grew up! He was "laid off" on June 1 and Dow paid him through June 30, so he was officially unemployed for only a few hours! Get this, Mom: he was hired during the interview. He's going to be a technician for Walz Scale Company.

I spoke with him. To say that he's ecstatic is understatement, but he still won't give me his .45-70 rifle.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jul 09 - 06:57 PM

Well, Bee-Dubya, we've been doing that. Only it's not the vampires but the glut of investment bankers and tax assessors that we can't fight off. The vampires are actually quite polite and pleasant about it all. Sure, once in a while one will stick his friends for the drinks or something like that, but it's nothing like the politicians do.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Jul 09 - 06:47 PM

Snow, rather then being something to miss, is rather something that gives you appreciation for warmer weather and climes.

I think you could achieve a similar contrasting pain/pleasure effect by simply holding a frozen chicken in your bare hands for a few minutes then putting it down and enjoying later (after they recover from frostbite) how much better they feel. Why drag an entire bioregion into that exercise?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Jul 09 - 06:19 PM

I have an idea to help Rapaire garner money for his library! Convert this bookmobile thing he recently acquired into a "Bloodkmobile"! That's a cross between a bookmobile and a bloodmobile. Require that anyone who wants to check out a book "donate" a pint of blood, and then sell the blood to vampires! It would raise money for the library and perform a public service by keeping the vampires well-fed and satiated so they wouldn't go prowling around looking for live prey at night!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Jul 09 - 05:03 PM

As you wish...here is Amos's latest effort, folks, and it's a doozy!

Once I lived in a sorry slum,
Sitting on my useless bum
Life was hum and also drum
Back in my younger years.

But then I set out for to walk
And found that though I could not talk,
Because my voice would always squawk,
I could conquer all my fears.

I took to scribbling things in rhyme,
And pasting up such tedious lines
As helped me pass my tedious time,
Back in my younger years.

I walked from hither o'er to Yon,
ANd many a road I traveled on,
If anyone asked, I'd be long gone
With a knowing, rhymish leer.

I went by foot and train and tug,
Slept among strangers, fields and bugs,
And gradually, I grew most smug,
Rhyming away my years.

I kept them all, each couplet lame,
I knew no meter, felt no shame,
I knew someday they'd bring me fame,
Those rhymes from my younger years.

But now I sense the gathering ghost,
And online spend my days in boast,
Where I post and post and post and post
The rhymes from my younger years.

And so a poet's wreath I claim!
I put McGonagle to shame!
With scansion weak and image lame,
I fill my later years.

And if my lines offend your head,
And make you squirm and toss in bed,
Go off and read some other thread!
For mine will run for years.

Ratius Secundus Vorsiphae
A Panoply Of Uncharted Shallows
Meagre, Pickens, "Immodern Poetics"
Glasgow, 2002


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jul 09 - 04:28 PM

I echoed your supercilious sentiments on the original walkabout thread, amigo. Be a good lad and anthologize it for me here; I wouldn't want to appear self-serving!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Jul 09 - 04:13 PM

You're a generous man, Amos.

Now here's something the people on the MOABS may enjoy...

"In The Heat of The Westering Sun"

I was offered a rotten banana
By a fellow who wore a bandana
He was selling them from a cabana
In the heat of the westering sun

"I prefer them," I said, "somewhat greener
Or perhaps even half in-betweener.
I have seldom seen something obscener!"
In the heat of the westering sun

Leaping up in a fury, he shouted
"My bananas have never been doubted!
I will not let my honor be flouted!"
In the heat of the westering sun

He attacked me without further warning
And all rules of fair combat was scorning
And I feared for my future that morning
In the heat of the westering sun

He was strangling me with the bandana
When our struggles brought down the cabana
And engulfed us in rotten bananas
In the heat of the westering sun

Thus my life might have miserably ended
But by fate I was kindly befriended
When he slipped on a peel and up-ended
In the heat of the westering sun

And today I still keep the bandana
But I never go near the cabana
Where he's still sellling rotten bananas
In the heat of the westerning sun

(sing to the tune of the Mexican Hat Dance)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jul 09 - 03:57 PM

Well, at least you well be able to get a tan. I recommend it. If the seas rise far enough to reach Bumfuque-le-Noir, or whatever that town is you live in, I will lend you my kayak. I will probably need a full-size schooner in such circumstances, anyway.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Jul 09 - 01:39 PM

Aha! I knew there was a good side to global warming.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jul 09 - 01:19 PM

Soon you shall have it, but you must give 110% to global warming. So get out there and increase the size of your carbon footprint! Spray them CFCs and cut down more trees! Remember: the sooner YOU do YOUR part the sooner Ontario becomes the new Florida.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Jul 09 - 01:09 PM

I would gladly take Canada without the snow. In fact, I dream of it.


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