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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 26 Jun 09 - 10:31 AM
Amos 26 Jun 09 - 10:10 AM
Rapparee 26 Jun 09 - 09:21 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 26 Jun 09 - 08:50 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 26 Jun 09 - 12:19 AM
GUEST,Doctor Lance Westmoreland, P.H.D. 25 Jun 09 - 10:23 PM
Rapparee 25 Jun 09 - 10:06 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 25 Jun 09 - 08:11 PM
Acme 25 Jun 09 - 07:16 PM
Amos 25 Jun 09 - 05:17 PM
Rapparee 25 Jun 09 - 04:06 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 25 Jun 09 - 02:25 PM
Amos 25 Jun 09 - 01:54 PM
Rapparee 25 Jun 09 - 01:41 PM
Acme 25 Jun 09 - 01:16 PM
Rapparee 25 Jun 09 - 01:09 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 25 Jun 09 - 12:43 PM
Amos 25 Jun 09 - 12:07 PM
Rapparee 25 Jun 09 - 11:11 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 25 Jun 09 - 10:22 AM
Jeri 25 Jun 09 - 09:18 AM
Amos 25 Jun 09 - 09:06 AM
Rapparee 25 Jun 09 - 08:57 AM
Bobert 25 Jun 09 - 07:18 AM
Acme 25 Jun 09 - 12:36 AM
Amos 24 Jun 09 - 11:06 PM
Rapparee 24 Jun 09 - 10:40 PM
Janie 24 Jun 09 - 10:37 PM
Rapparee 24 Jun 09 - 10:35 PM
Jeri 24 Jun 09 - 10:29 PM
Janie 24 Jun 09 - 10:28 PM
Little Hawk 24 Jun 09 - 10:17 PM
Jeri 24 Jun 09 - 10:11 PM
GUEST,Penelope Rutledge 24 Jun 09 - 10:06 PM
Rapparee 24 Jun 09 - 10:05 PM
GUEST,Hector Ballsworthy, the Independent Press 24 Jun 09 - 10:05 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 24 Jun 09 - 10:03 PM
Jeri 24 Jun 09 - 10:03 PM
GUEST,William Shatner 24 Jun 09 - 10:03 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 24 Jun 09 - 10:02 PM
GUEST,Mrs Olive Whatnoll 24 Jun 09 - 10:02 PM
Rapparee 24 Jun 09 - 10:01 PM
GUEST,Penelope Rutledge 24 Jun 09 - 10:00 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 24 Jun 09 - 09:59 PM
GUEST,Chong Chimp 24 Jun 09 - 09:59 PM
Rapparee 24 Jun 09 - 09:58 PM
Rapparee 24 Jun 09 - 09:58 PM
Little Hawk 24 Jun 09 - 09:55 PM
Rapparee 24 Jun 09 - 09:54 PM
GUEST,Veronica Rutledge 24 Jun 09 - 09:51 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Jun 09 - 10:31 AM

Heh! Heh! Hee! Hee! (snort!) Oh my...

What fun it is.

I appreciate your good wishes, Amos, I do. You're right that I'm underemployed, and I like it on the whole, except that it limits my funds to the point where I can't fly to California every couple of weeks to date Winona Ryder. That's a bit frustrating.

Say, where did you get the word "perfervid" from? Is it mere blathertwaddle you concocted or is it a legitimate word?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jun 09 - 10:10 AM

Strange times, indeed! Chongo's long abandoned sister Chinga, who runs a prosperous chain of whorehouses in CHicago, New York, Schenectady and Skaneateles, has never forgiven her brother for walking out on their sick, destitute mother and her when she was too young to earn a respectable living, but too desperate not to turn to what she could do on the mean streets of Chicago. She has often threatewned to decapitate Chongo if he ever showsup in one of her establishments.

Meanwhile, Little Hawk, the perfervid and seriously under-employed inventor of Chongo, has taken exception to the multiple-personality-disorder diagnosis exercised on his case by the good Doctor Liebenscheiss, the Mudcat's resident Freudian psychoanalyst. Having a good deal of time on his hands, Little Hawk has demonstrated his vengeful nature by inventing a counter-identity and claiming legitimacy for it in Liebenscheiss' field of expertise, and trying in this way to project Liebenscheiss' diagnosis against myself as Liebenscheiss' inventor.

A sordid and complicated tale, you might say, in which the sorry extremism of a desperately eroded character leads to a war between himself and "everybody" through the means of his socially palliative invented characters.

Liebenscheiss advises me, and I think I agree, that to do no harm is the best I can hope for, and that to attempt to reason with Little Hawk in his present condition would only get him worked up. His irritation would lead to energizing more cartoon rebuttals placed neatly in the mouths of imaginary playmates, and the interaction between them would escalate things to the point where his already depleted anger-management skills would fail completely. Blood pressure, heart attacks, and individual acts of inappropriate violence would possibly ensure, none of which I would want to see happen.

THerefore I can only applaud Mister Hawk for his prolific creativity and wish him well.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jun 09 - 09:21 AM

I try not to pass judgment on the sexual proclivities of others. As long as the dead whale is a consenting adult and no one gets hurt it's okay with me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 26 Jun 09 - 08:50 AM

What's so wrong with screwing a month-old dead whale? Don't knock it if you haven't tried it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 26 Jun 09 - 12:19 AM

"a testament to the basic underlying strength and resilience of your character"

Oh, yeah???? Ha! Ha! Ha! Ook! Ook!

Best friggin' laugh I've had this week!

I'll tell ya what it's a testament to...it's a testament to his total LACK of character...the guy would screw a month-old dead whale if he found it layin' on the beach. Trust me.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Doctor Lance Westmoreland, P.H.D.
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 10:23 PM

So, Amos...waxing a bit defensive? I can understand the terrible emotional strain you must be under trying to keep your involvement in an illicit cross-species romantic affaire with a nymphomaniacal and kleptomanical female chimpanzee swept under the carpet while attempting to maintain the outer image of faithful family man and solid citizen of your respectable San Diego suburban neighborhood. I'm surprised you haven't cracked apart at the seams by now, frankly. It is a testament to the basic underlying strength and resilience of your character, notwithstanding that you have given in to what most would term as an unnatural lust for the "animal" side of life. I feel that a few months or years of intensive counseling at my famed psychiatric facility "Clearhaven" in Schenectady would yield excellent results, allow you to make a clean break with Chinga, and restore your faith in both yourself and others. You will be receiving my card and an introductory set of questions to fill out in the mail shortly. Please do not delay responding! Time is of the essence.

Your servant,

Lance Westmoreland, P.H.D.

p.s. I would appreciate it if your associate Herr Doctor Liebenscheiss would forward me any files or personal reminiscences he has regarding you as these might prove invaluable in your ongoing treatment in Schenectady and hasten a positive resolution. I understand that he cannot treat you himself, as there would be a clear conflict of interest, but his expertise is well known to me, so I see good possiblities in sharing our knowledge of your very unique case.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 10:06 PM

It's a treat to beat your cleat in the Mississippi Mud...or, as we used to sing it, "It's a treat to beat your meat...."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 08:11 PM

That's not a cleat. THIS is a cleat!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 07:16 PM

cleat

Stomping puppies, indeed! Cinnamon, demolish that man's shoelaces! Poppy, jump on him with muddy feet! Lick his face!

There! They showed you!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 05:17 PM

LH:

If you must inflict imaginary characters on us, it would be a courtesy not to have them project. We have enough confusions with our pets and fellow humans projecting their sins and follies on us to absolve themselves of responsibility!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 04:06 PM

Tsk, tsk, Amos. I have two sabers: one for fencing and one for use. I have several knives, none of which is what is usually thought of as a "Bowie knife."

I wouldn't have an AK-47 unless you paid me and paid me well.

While I am attempting to get the VA to admit that I was exposed to AO, I don't happen to have any sitting around. I do a a little Roundup if you'd like to use it.

Nor do I have any hand grenades. I might be able to put you onto a source if you want some, though.

I was just wondering if Stilly was stomping puppies with her cleats to break them of bad habits, like hanging themselves in curtain cords.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 02:25 PM

And so is yer involvement with that cheap two-bit proskirt, Chinga...

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 01:54 PM

So now, not being satisfied with AK47s, RPGs, sabres, bowie knives, battle axes, hand grenades, catapaults, and Agent Orange, Rapaire is promoting the stomping of puppies, using cleats.

This is very deeply sad and somehow wrong.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 01:41 PM

Well, I guess stomping on a dog while wearing cleats would have tendency to break it of bad habits.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 01:16 PM

I need to get some of those bamboo blinds to hang on my patio cover to shade my glass back door. I'll be sure to arrange the cords so my dogs don't hang themselves with them. You know those old fashioned cleats? That should do the trick.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 01:09 PM

On my first day of second grade we tied all of the strings used to pull down the window shades into little nooses. The good nun was NOT amused.
But that's where and when I learned to tie a hangman's knot.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 12:43 PM

I just snagged this warning label from some cheap faux-bamboo roll-up shades we were cuttin' up to cover the shelves in our pettery booth:


WARNING
Young children can strangle
in the loop of pull cords, chain and bead
cords, and cords that run through
window coverings. They can also wrap
cords around their necks.



I'm impressed! I was nowhere near smart enough to do all that shit when I was a kid! We used to play in sprinklers with plastic bags over our heads and couldn't even suffocate ourselves!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 12:07 PM

Topeka, KS -- A grass-roots revolution sweeping the Internet through social network sites such as Twitter, Facebook, and Google Earth, is challenging the very fabric of conventional social processes. At issue is the charge, forwarded by middle-aged overweight white men, that there was impropriety in the recent "Thirty K" Race in MOAB country. Insteadof yielding some dull judiciary procedure, the charges have sparked off an outrage that runs deep int he fabric of society. Millions of ex-Obama supporters have turned their passions toward the defense of the woman who won the race, the so-called "Queen of Thirty K", and have swamped the Internet with angry Tweets, posts, email chains and Google mashupsin defense of her title.

Rapaire, arms and the man will prove no defense against this overwhelming sea-change. Your white-guy-rules era is coming to an end. Call off your judges before they are roped into the tumbrils.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 11:11 AM

Washington (AP): Evidence released this morning by the Justice Department proves conclusively that the 'Race To 30K' was fixed, according to a knowledgeable source in the White House. Sheela N. Gig, spokeswoman for the Inspector General's Office in the Justice Department, said that the Department 'has no comment' on the matter, as investigations are 'pending all over the place here.'

A Grand Jury, empaneled earlier to oversee the Race, is expected to hand down indictments today.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 10:22 AM

So th' race to Thirty K wuz runned,
An' th' MOABites wuz shocked an' stunned!
T' say th' horse whut won wuz dark
Does understate an' miss th' mark.
Th' horse whut blasted from that stall
Wuz really not a horse at all!
Th' winning mount, rode by Ms Jeri,
I swan! It were a Dromedary!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Jeri
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 09:18 AM

Sure, accuse me of bribery because you won't admit I'm just good.
Ok, not 'good', but a little sneaky. I'll have to find some shin guards before 40,000 though.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 09:06 AM

I HATE it when the servers take bribes. Good help is SO hard to find any more.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 08:57 AM

Evidence shows that Jeri bribed the servers. An investigation will get underway as soon as Congress reconvenes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bobert
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 07:18 AM

That's it, I quit... Fir now...

Be back for 4-Oh...

B~


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 12:36 AM

I'd like dibs on 40,000. Remember that, all of you. And Jeri, I'll kick you under the table if you try to grab it. MOM won't see. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 11:06 PM

Well, Jer, that was a fell swoop, indeed. I had a could twenty verses to go, and a stunning denouement, and this lot of larks couldn't even hold their breath long enough to let it happen. NEver mind, ya done good, and nabbed the Brass Ring of Thirty Kay. All hail, Queen of the Thirty K!!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:40 PM

May your children all be competent, and may their co-workers always ask them when assistance is needed.

I am humble, a veritable font of humility -- and I'm damned proud of it, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:37 PM

May you awake from your surgery and find yourself suddenly possessed with humility.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:35 PM

I thought it quite polite of me to let someone else have it, seeing as how I snagged not one, but two palindromes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Jeri
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:29 PM

A nice single malt would be good. For now, I go back to lurk mode.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:28 PM

So, like, there I was, engrossed in an old National Geographic show on Hulu about this guy Lincoln finally summitting Mt. Everest then being left for dead on the descent only to revive himself courtesy of a practice of Buddhist meditation.

I was absolutely and naively certain no one would ascend to 30,000 on the MOAB Mountain without me.

The show ends with the hero duly resurrected, if somewhat permanently brain damaged, and what do I find? I've been left to freeze in a snow drift in the deadzone of MOAB, oxygen gone, faint breath, hallucinating from the brain edema and lack of oxygen, as obsessed climbers, intent on their own glory, march on, stepping heedlessly over my prostrate body in the middle of the path.

Jeez, what kind of family are you!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:17 PM

I can hardly believe you got it either, Jeri! LOL! It must have been down to microseconds.

As for my alternate personalities, I am fortunately not responsible for their finances, so I don't care if they all buy you a drink.

Mind you, if I had Penelope's money...or Winston's...well, I could buy you an entire brewery, no problem. Or a castle in Wales.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Jeri
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:11 PM

I can't believe I got it!
OK, each one of Little Hawk's personalities owes me a drink.
...then again, I LIKE my liver.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Penelope Rutledge
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:06 PM

Good. It's done with. Thank God for small favours. Now where did I put the eyeliner?

* PR


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:05 PM

As has been pointed out a few thousand posts back, the count isn't precise because of the Great Mudcat Crash a few years ago. Therefore, you can only estimate.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Hector Ballsworthy, the Independent Press
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:05 PM

AND THERE YOU HAVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The great transformation, inaugurated by Jeri, who will one day be remembered as a saviour of humanity, has BEGUN!!!!!!!!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:03 PM

Ya missed it, Bill.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Jeri
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:03 PM

SWOOP!
30,000

(Was trying to figure it out in Roman numerals, but couldn't manage the x's with little hats.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,William Shatner
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:03 PM

Are we there yet?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:02 PM

Whoahhhh!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Mrs Olive Whatnoll
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:02 PM

You're all bloody well mad. Mad as hatters. Daft. Bonkers. Beyond fecking reason.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:01 PM

Mom just told me that whoever posts the 30,000th post gets to read all of MOAB from the beginning -- and there will be a test before you're allowed to go home.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Penelope Rutledge
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:00 PM

Veronica, put a sock in it!

Winston has a point.

* PR


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:59 PM

Oops. Mispelled my name. Too many banana dacquiris.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chong Chimp
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:59 PM

But not that one. Ook!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:58 PM

And this one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:58 PM

Ladies, Gentlemen, and Undecideds:

Within the next few moments we will reach that magical number of 30,000. No one knew at the start that Mom would so prosper. Indeed, I myself felt that MOAB was but a mere flash in the pan and did not post in those giddy, heady days of the onset. But I have since learned differently, as have you all.

I shall not take the 30,000th post. I will leave it to someone else, someone less worthy that I.

I shall, however, take the 100,000th post -- dibs on it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:55 PM

Amos J. and Bearded Bruce
Live together, they have now formed a truce
Side by side on my computer keyboard, oh, lord
Why not youse?

Amos J. and Bearderd Bruce
Now agree on political abuse
They have joined in a common concord, oh lord
Why not youse?

Republicans and Democrats
Joining hands, the silly prats
No more arguments or spats...etc...

(sing to the tune of Ebony and Ivory)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:54 PM

Good Lord, girl! Don't beat about the bush so much! Say what you mean!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Veronica Rutledge
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:51 PM

I am SOOOOOOOOOOO ANGRY at Uncle Winston! I could just explode. Oooooo....! I could burst! He's an unfeeling and cruel man. I shall disinherit him when he's old, feeble, and helpless, and leave him to die miserabley in an alleyway! Pfui! I HATE you, Uncle Winston!

* VR


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