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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 12 Sep 07 - 10:49 PM
Acme 12 Sep 07 - 10:29 PM
Rapparee 12 Sep 07 - 09:47 PM
Rapparee 12 Sep 07 - 08:27 PM
Amos 12 Sep 07 - 07:16 PM
Rapparee 12 Sep 07 - 04:08 PM
Amos 12 Sep 07 - 02:52 PM
MMario 12 Sep 07 - 02:50 PM
Amos 12 Sep 07 - 02:29 PM
Rapparee 12 Sep 07 - 01:42 PM
MMario 12 Sep 07 - 01:31 PM
Amos 12 Sep 07 - 01:27 PM
Rapparee 12 Sep 07 - 12:21 PM
Acme 12 Sep 07 - 11:08 AM
MMario 12 Sep 07 - 09:57 AM
Amos 12 Sep 07 - 09:55 AM
Rapparee 12 Sep 07 - 09:45 AM
Amos 12 Sep 07 - 09:35 AM
Rapparee 12 Sep 07 - 09:28 AM
Amos 12 Sep 07 - 09:24 AM
Genie 12 Sep 07 - 01:21 AM
Rapparee 12 Sep 07 - 12:20 AM
Acme 12 Sep 07 - 12:16 AM
Acme 12 Sep 07 - 12:15 AM
Genie 11 Sep 07 - 11:59 PM
Rapparee 11 Sep 07 - 11:37 PM
Amos 11 Sep 07 - 04:21 PM
Genie 11 Sep 07 - 02:48 PM
MMario 11 Sep 07 - 01:29 PM
Rapparee 11 Sep 07 - 01:09 PM
MMario 11 Sep 07 - 12:51 PM
Rapparee 11 Sep 07 - 12:09 PM
Amos 11 Sep 07 - 10:55 AM
MMario 11 Sep 07 - 10:30 AM
Acme 11 Sep 07 - 10:20 AM
beardedbruce 11 Sep 07 - 10:11 AM
Rapparee 11 Sep 07 - 08:40 AM
Genie 11 Sep 07 - 02:03 AM
Amos 11 Sep 07 - 01:11 AM
Acme 10 Sep 07 - 11:48 PM
Amos 10 Sep 07 - 10:58 PM
Acme 10 Sep 07 - 10:57 PM
Genie 10 Sep 07 - 09:37 PM
Rapparee 10 Sep 07 - 08:16 PM
Amos 10 Sep 07 - 06:29 PM
Rapparee 10 Sep 07 - 05:57 PM
Amos 10 Sep 07 - 04:32 PM
Genie 10 Sep 07 - 03:11 PM
Amos 10 Sep 07 - 12:39 PM
Little Hawk 10 Sep 07 - 12:35 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 10:49 PM

Well, after a while we just clamped down on it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 10:29 PM

And that really pissed him off.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 09:47 PM

Now, I once knew a guy who spoke ex catheter, but nobody paid him any attention. Either.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 08:27 PM

"Ex Cathedra" = "From the chair."

Perhaps this one. Or maybe one of these. Or this one? Or
these, maybe.

You know, Amos, one should be quite careful about using such phrases as "ex cathedra." This little quote from the Catholic Encyclopedia should enlighten you:

Literally "from the chair", a theological term which signifies authoritative teaching and is more particularly applied to the definitions given by the Roman pontiff. Originally the name of the seat occupied by a professor or a bishop, cathedra was used later on to denote the magisterium, or teaching authority. The phrase ex cathedra occurs in the writings of the medieval theologians, and more frequently in the discussions which arose after the Reformation in regard to the papal prerogatives. But its present meaning was formally determined by the Vatican Council, Sess. IV, Const. de Ecclesiâ Christi, c. iv: "We teach and define that it is a dogma Divinely revealed that the Roman pontiff when he speaks ex cathedra, that is when in discharge of the office of pastor and doctor of all Christians, by virtue of his supreme Apostolic authority, he defines a doctrine regarding faith or morals to be held by the universal Church, by the Divine assistance promised to him in Blessed Peter, is possessed of that infallibility with which the Divine Redeemer willed that his Church should be endowed in defining doctrine regarding faith or morals, and that therefore such definitions of the Roman pontiff are of themselves and not from the consent of the Church irreformable."

Ergo, if you wish you speak ex cathedra you'd best be speaking from this one.

The Opus Dei crowd takes a mighty dim view of things otherwise....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 07:16 PM

Ha, You don't impress me pretending to be a hick. Your words bounce of my chest like pellets of bird-seed. For I speak EX CATHEDRA!!!, than which there is no stronger speech. Even dei ex machinae and old res ipsa loquitur have to listen when Ex Cathedra opens his mouth. Just like that old E.F. Hutton advertisement.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 04:08 PM

We don't need to know 'bout no ablative out here in Idaho, where we only use the jinnytive and positive. We usta do the negative, but we decided to acksentuate the positive and not mess with Mr. In Between.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 02:52 PM

That's "hubris"--the operation where you cut the tippy end off of a Who.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 02:50 PM

I thought 'libris' was the chinese-jewish ceremony conducted 8 days after the birth of a male child...

No?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 02:29 PM

You really piss me off, Rapaire. You are a disgrace to your profession.

Blpppphhhhhht!!! :>)

Libris is the ablative plural form of the noun "liber", book.

Ex libris means "out from among the books...". The posessive is implicit, in those little stickers people used to get printed up to put in their books, back when having books was a sign of civilization.

And I speak ex cathedra.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 01:42 PM

ex : (= e ) (prep. + abl.) out of, from within, from / on account of.

liber libri : book.



Ergo, "out of book(s)" or "from within book(s)" or "from book(s)".

Merriam-Webster:

Main Entry: ex
Pronunciation: (')eks
Function: preposition
Etymology: Latin
1 : out of : FROM: as a : from a specified place or source b : from a specified dam
2 : free from : WITHOUT: as a : without an indicated value or right -- used especially of securities b : free of charges precedent to removal from the specified place with purchaser to provide means of subsequent transportation


Hence, "(formerly) from book(s)", as in "ex-Californian."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 01:31 PM

"Ex Librus" - I always thought that was sorta "The book formerly known as. . ."


Amos - occasionally you forget whose children we are, here at the MOAB

Live a little, be less literal.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 01:27 PM

Cllllaaaang. "From the books of...".



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 12:21 PM

Owned now by Ex Libris, or "Formerly Books."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 11:08 AM

While you listen to music, we travel with Voyager.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 09:57 AM

5. The replacement system can't even handle positive credit balances;

Right there is a valid reason to tell them they have an un-marketable product.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 09:55 AM

I think you need to get in touch with their CEO, sir, and pin his ears back with a stream of well-selected librarian invective. Hell hath no fury like a Librarian BS'd by marketing people.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 09:45 AM

Well....

1. They'd announced that they were no longer going to develop the system we're on, which is the most used system in the effing WORLD;

2. They'd been promising that the next development would fix all the bugs, bring peace to the world, fix world hunger, and provide increased functionality;

3. We users were REALLY looking forward to it -- for at least two years;

4. The replacement system is built on 20-year-old architecture, which they called "proven";

5. The replacement system can't even handle positive credit balances;

6. They named the replacement system "Symphony."

This is from the same bunch who, some years back, said they not only wanted to please the customers, but to delight them -- which made it sound like they were selling sex toys or condoms.

Besides, librarians are a pretty cynical bunch.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 09:35 AM

You are remarkably quick, even with tactless remarks! :D

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 09:28 AM

Well, our library automation company has come out with the slogan "The Power of One." Which prompted me to respond, "Ein Volk, Ein Reich, Ein Fuhrer." Which temporarily displeased the company....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 09:24 AM

Mine nods at the drop of a hat -- sometimes while she still has food in her mouth. Quite a sight to see her at the dinner table, snoozing.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Genie
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 01:21 AM

Do I dare hope for a Grammy nod for that last one, Rap? *g*


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 12:20 AM

Brand new OS!
Brand new OS, gonna treat you great!
Gonna give you graphics, security and performance,
Email fer the masses,
Pixels and cursors!
Flowers in the FAT32 where now all bugs zoom,
Needs plen'y of disk space and plen'y of room,
Plen'y of room to on yer hard drive!
Plen'y of RAM and plen'y of hope.

Windows VISTA, where the hype comes sweepin' down the plain
And the wavin'...sheet...can sure smell sweet
When the hype comes right into your brain.

Windows VISTA,
Ev'ry night my honey lamb and I
Sit alone and talk and watch a hawk
Makin' lazy circles in the sky.
Ain't nothin' else we can do
'Cuz VISTA's done filled our hard drive through!

And when we say
Yeeow! Ayipioeeay!
We're only sayin'
You should be doin' time
For Windows VISTA
Windows VISTA...oh...ah, yuck.

          --Roger's Hammeredstein, 1912.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 12:16 AM

Oh, and he also needed milk and vinegar. Maybe I can make pancakes in the morning so it doesn't all go to waste? Use the curdled milk in lieu of buttermilk.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Sep 07 - 12:15 AM

My 15-year-old kitchen chemist is doing various "experiments" for his chemistry class.

"Mom, do you have ammonia?"

"Mom, do you have epsom salts?"

cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough cough

He's okay, but it seems that milk of magnesia experiment stinks.

He has also asked for (and received) isopropyl alcohol, food coloring, oil and water, vinegar and an egg (I have to let him pickle a perfectly good egg for 24 hours).

I offered to mix some cornstarch in water for him to play with before he goes to bed. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Genie
Date: 11 Sep 07 - 11:59 PM

Wunnerful, Amos. LOL


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Sep 07 - 11:37 PM

They used to tell me I was building a dream, and so I followed the mob,
    When there were programs to parse, or lines to write, I was always there right on the job.
    They used to tell me I was building a dream, with a paperless office ahead,
    Why should I be standing in line, still working for some bread?

    Once I built a network, I made it run, made it under C.
    Once I built a network; now it's done. Brother, it can't run in XP.
    Once I built a server rack, up to the sun, germanium, copper, warez free;
    Once I built a server rack, now it's done. Brother, it can't run on XP.

       Once in vested suits, gee we looked swell,
       Full of that open source deedly Dum,
       Half a terabyte went slogging through Hell,
       And I was the kid with the drum!

    Say, don't you remember, you called me Al; it was Al that you'd need.
    Why don't you remember, I was your pal? Buddy, I can't work in XP.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Sep 07 - 04:21 PM

Song to My XP Machine

Trash the file that took me all night long,
Open viruses from old Hong Kong,
Tell me that my file name's way too long!
Crash three times by tea.

Lose the email from my favorite gal,
Like some double crossing two-time pal,
But remember, when your router fails
You belong to me!

Mess around with folks in Cybertown
Tell me that my apps are closing down,
But recall when rebuilds come around,
You belong to me!

You won't get Disk Doctor
SOmewhere in MyFace
When you need fixing, you'll
Still be at my place!

So enjoy your high band-width exchange,
Cruise for teenie-boppers on the range,
Just remember when you're feeling strange,

You belong to...
You belong to...
You belong to...
Me!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Genie
Date: 11 Sep 07 - 02:48 PM

My mama done tol' me
When I was in Fortran,
My mama done tol' me, hon,
A computer'll woo you,
And work magic for you
But when pressure is on,
A computer is two-base,
A worrisome thief
That'll lead you to grief
With blue screens in the night.

(Mama was very prescient.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Sep 07 - 01:29 PM

too true.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Sep 07 - 01:09 PM

What makes me quiver aren't the Known Features, but the Undocumented Enhancements.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Sep 07 - 12:51 PM

Amos - I've been doing battle with Gremlins and Glitches for too many years now. Even Bugs.

The ones I dread. . .

The ones that make me quiver in my seat. . .

The ones that make me wish to cower. . .

are known features


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Sep 07 - 12:09 PM

My momma done tol' me
A computer's a two phase....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Sep 07 - 10:55 AM

Suggest you scan the premises for Gremlin folk, MM. You may be under attack. People can say what they want about terrorists and Islamists and Bolsheviks and beatniks and such. But the REAL enemy of America is the race of tiny evil Gremlins who have drained over thrity-two trillion dollars from the work lives of Americans in the last five years, perpetrating just such small catastrophes as these.

Yes, Gremlins, my friend. The Blue Screen of Death is their logo, and the "General Error" message is their mantra. Kernel Panic is a high-ranking double agent in their secret army, dedicated to the overthrow of civilized computing everywhere.

You've never KNOWN terror until you have come face to face with a Gremlin about to slice into a file-allocation table or pour hydrochloric acid into a registry.

Be warned, and be ready.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Sep 07 - 10:30 AM

Hi b>MOM!
It's been an exciting morning - first we lost half our two phase power - which pretty well knowcked out our WAN for the 47 school districts we support - then the compressor for an air conditioner burned out because it was trying to run during a brown out - and we had to evacuate the building!

All before 2 hours at w*rk!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Sep 07 - 10:20 AM

Wrong liquid for the Muse...

Right liquid for the Moos, though.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 11 Sep 07 - 10:11 AM

"some nice warm milk."

Wrong liquid for the Muse...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Sep 07 - 08:40 AM

Steal it and sell to to a receiver of stolen goods -- fence posey.

I tried for years to succeed as a poet, but success simply eluded me. I'd often be found attempting to lure the Muse, calling "Here, poesy, poesy, nice poesy" but it never worked. Not even when I put out some nice warm milk. Finally, I took to writing invective and stories, but I was only going from pillory to prose while posing in poesy, so I went back to my True Love -- lies and puns.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Genie
Date: 11 Sep 07 - 02:03 AM

As a long-time Ogden Nash afficcionado and the daughter of one of the world's most unreformable punsters, I salute you on that last bit of 'poesy' (?), Amos!

Genie


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Sep 07 - 01:11 AM

How welcome, at long last!!! :D



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Sep 07 - 11:48 PM

Wow! I would have cut-and-pasted that last ditty into an email to send my Dad as soon as I read it. He would have loved it! (High praise, in other words!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Sep 07 - 10:58 PM

My Gawd. Another reason I am glad I never listened to his stuff.

Sting was bad, 'cuz he ad-libbed his
Lines including the one that was supposed to rhyme with "Charybdis".

And he never will repent his
Egregious offense of electing to rhyme it with "apprentice".

Now me, I'll never live in a rock-star's mansion,
But at least I know when something rhymes, even if I suck at scansion.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Sep 07 - 10:57 PM

How Scylla of you to pick on such a rhyme!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Genie
Date: 10 Sep 07 - 09:37 PM

Touché, Amos.   

(I was just trying to write in the style of contemporary songwriters (who seem to eschew rhymes that do more than match vowel sounds). Neither of our rhymes is as bad as Sting's rhyming "apprentice" with "Charybdis," I think.

*g*


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Sep 07 - 08:16 PM

Amos, I've never lived (apart for a couple of weeks total) in North Carolina. Poor guy had a heckuva time getting the thigh-high riding boots off for security, too.

He'd been at the battle of Antietam (Sharpsburg) and was delayed getting back home. His horse had already gone on ahead.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Sep 07 - 06:29 PM

Sure -- nothing more terrifying than one of your own dressed up to do what you had him trained to do.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Sep 07 - 05:57 PM

I believe that Amos means 100110000101100 in binary, 222202020 in ternary, 1111000 in quintal, 46054 in octal, B350 in duodecimal, 4C2C in hexadecimal, and F1O in base 36.

I am home; all should be clear now.

A soldier of the 20th North Carolina Cavalry was ahead of me in line at BWI Airport. Booted and spurred, but without saber, Bowie knife, carbine or pistol.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Sep 07 - 04:32 PM

Ahem... "Watson" rhyming with "forgotten" is in no spot to call the kettle black, m'dear... :D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Genie
Date: 10 Sep 07 - 03:11 PM

Uh-oh, Amos, yer slippin'.   Rhyming "vaguer" with "lager?" !!

(Better have a nuther one.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Sep 07 - 12:39 PM

Post thousands nineteen, hundreds five,
Could be made even vaguer.
Just try me when I've had a few
Pints of strong iced lager.
Or if you want it paler still,
Drive substance to its thinnest
By plying me (or any man)
With several quarts of Guinness!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Sep 07 - 12:35 PM

Humphuque.


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